I hear a whole lot of people that have never dealt with autism (or ADHD, for that matter) say things like, "Well when we were younger, there was no autism" or "A good ass whooping would probably knock the autism right out of them." These are both commonly said by very jack-assy individuals who have no idea what they're talking about. They are uninformed and ignorant. Why? The first documented case of autism was in 1799. Clearly autism WAS around when we were kids; it just wasn't talked about as much. There were probably more undiagnosed cases of autism than one can imagine. For quite some time, only the most severely non-functioning autistic children were diagnosed. Now, there is more known and we are very concerned with early intervention. Autism has been around forever.
The second comment is the one that gets under my skin most, though. Let me paint you a picture: Imagine going to the grocery store, except the music isn't lightly playing in the background...it's blaring. The lights are strobe lights with some spot lights that keep following you around, just for fun. Everyone is invading your bubble of personal space. Everything you touch shocks you. The colors are all overly bright and painful to your eyes. Does that sound appealing to you? Of course not! Autistic children, and those with sensory processing issues, experience many, if not all, of these symptoms in public places. It's not just limited to public, though. It might be a backyard picnic or just getting dressed in the morning. Over-stimulation is everywhere that they turn.
With over-stimulation comes outbursts and meltdowns. Believe me, these children (and adults) do not CHOOSE to have a meltdown. In fact, they will go through every therapeutic step they can to prevent it. They don't want to have a meltdown. They are counting backwards, taking deep breaths and doing everything else that they can to occupy their brain and distract them from the over stimulation. Sometimes it works. Other times, it just doesn't come close.....not....even....close.
The misnomer that you can "whoop" the autism out of a child is ridiculous. You can no more whoop autism out than whoop the diabetes out of a child or whoop the vision deficiencies out of a child. In my experience, parents of children affected by autism are some of the most involved and aware parents. They do their best to avoid situations that will over stimulate their child but it's a delicate balance. They need to, also, involve their child in real life situations to help them learn to cope. My experiences have been that the children are some of the most bright, sensitive, kind children you'd ever meet. They are not in need of a "whooping." They are in need of a little bit of compassion. Their parents might be in need of a little bit of empathy.
Let me tell you what WOULD happen if you whoop an autistic child during a meltdown. You'd create a bigger meltdown. You see, these meltdowns are not temper tantrums. The child is struggling to gain control over their very over-stimulated brain. The parents' goal is to talk them down....to help them stop cycling. Spanking them takes an overstimulated brain and adds even more over stimulation. Most children do not even want to be touched when they're experiencing a meltdown...striking them would do nothing but harm. Striking them would be even more confusing, upsetting and (in my opinion) harmful to their well-being. You can't "whoop" the autism out of a child.
If you want to help, the best thing you can do is educate yourself. Spread awareness. Let's get more funding to get more research. The more research done, the more we know and the more we can help these children. If you want to "whoop" something, "whoop" the myths with knowledge about this condition. Be an encouragement and know that these kids (and their parents) are doing their absolute best, just like every other kid out there.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Autism Day 6: Albert Einstein
Did you know that it is widely speculated that Albert Einstein, Andy Warhol, Isaac Newton and Bill Gates are all on the autism spectrum? (according to we-care.com blog) What about Mozart? How about Dan Akroyd, Tim Burton, Daryl Hannah or Courtney Love? Amazed yet?
There is such a stigma attached to the autism spectrum. People assume that you can spot people on the autism spectrum like you spot a birthmark. They are unaware that there are many notable people from celebrities to scientists to composers to artists and beyond that are all part of the autism spectrum. In my opinion, there are many, many more who never underwent a diagnosis but are equally notable and are on the spectrum.
Einstein, in particular, is a fascinating person to me. His teachers, as a child, told his parents that he'd never go anywhere in life and that he was "dumb". He spoke slowly and was considered "slow." As an adult, he was known for having an awful memory and couldn't remember names, phone numbers and such. He hated wearing socks (strange but true). In his autopsy, it was found that he had a parietal lobe 15% larger than the average brain. Even to the last hours before his death, he was still trying to prove his theory of everything.
Did you know that Einstein's biggest breakthroughs came from experiments that he did in his head rather than in a lab?
Now ponder on the fact that he was thought to be on the autism spectrum? How are you feeling about your child's potential now? How are you feeling about the fact that autism raises some red flag that people can spot from a mile away?
The fact is that children on the spectrum have unlimited possibilities! Keep on keeping on. Your little man might be the next Albert Einstein!
There is such a stigma attached to the autism spectrum. People assume that you can spot people on the autism spectrum like you spot a birthmark. They are unaware that there are many notable people from celebrities to scientists to composers to artists and beyond that are all part of the autism spectrum. In my opinion, there are many, many more who never underwent a diagnosis but are equally notable and are on the spectrum.
Einstein, in particular, is a fascinating person to me. His teachers, as a child, told his parents that he'd never go anywhere in life and that he was "dumb". He spoke slowly and was considered "slow." As an adult, he was known for having an awful memory and couldn't remember names, phone numbers and such. He hated wearing socks (strange but true). In his autopsy, it was found that he had a parietal lobe 15% larger than the average brain. Even to the last hours before his death, he was still trying to prove his theory of everything.
Did you know that Einstein's biggest breakthroughs came from experiments that he did in his head rather than in a lab?
Now ponder on the fact that he was thought to be on the autism spectrum? How are you feeling about your child's potential now? How are you feeling about the fact that autism raises some red flag that people can spot from a mile away?
The fact is that children on the spectrum have unlimited possibilities! Keep on keeping on. Your little man might be the next Albert Einstein!
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Autism Awareness Day 5: Gifted
There are staggering statistics on how many gifted children display symptoms of autism or other similar conditions (like sensory processing disorder). Unfortunately, there are way too many people that assume the exact opposite. The assumption that children facing these challenges are "dumb" has spread like wildfire and I can't understand it, personally. The truth of the matter is that these children are truly brilliant. While they may "suffer" developmental delays in some areas such as riding a bike or learning to write neatly, they make up for it in spades in other areas. Some are brilliant musically or artistically. Some are brilliant in math or can remember the periodic table at two or three years old. I use the word "brilliant", in this case, because it completely and totally applies.
So what's the secret to bringing out the amazing talents within an autistic child? It's all about the people around him. Skilled teachers understand that autistic children have brains that operate on a different level. They are experienced in helping to bring out the best in every child including children with challenges. Does that mean an expensive private school? In some cases and for some children, yes. For others, though, it might just mean finding a school with teachers who are willing and able (meaning their classrooms are not too full to function) to work with your child one on one.
The point of all of this is to take a second look. If you are the parent of a child with a challenge such as autism, look deeper because there is something incredible underneath all of this. If you are observing an autistic child, watch....there is something brilliant about to pop out. Believe me when I say that there are incredible blessings in the heart of each and every child facing these challenges and they are going to accomplish great things!
So what's the secret to bringing out the amazing talents within an autistic child? It's all about the people around him. Skilled teachers understand that autistic children have brains that operate on a different level. They are experienced in helping to bring out the best in every child including children with challenges. Does that mean an expensive private school? In some cases and for some children, yes. For others, though, it might just mean finding a school with teachers who are willing and able (meaning their classrooms are not too full to function) to work with your child one on one.
The point of all of this is to take a second look. If you are the parent of a child with a challenge such as autism, look deeper because there is something incredible underneath all of this. If you are observing an autistic child, watch....there is something brilliant about to pop out. Believe me when I say that there are incredible blessings in the heart of each and every child facing these challenges and they are going to accomplish great things!
Monday, April 4, 2016
Autism Awareness Day 4: It's Okay to Say No
While this post, in some senses, applies to all moms, I truly believe it needs to be said....
As parents, we often feel the need to say "yes" to people even when we're exhausted or over-exerted. We know that Grandma wants to see the baby so we keep the baby up longer than we should to see her, resulting in an exhausted, overtired baby which results in an exhausted, overtired mama. We know that an out-of-town friend is bringing her kids into town to see us so we keep our little man awake through his nap to see her, resulting in an exhausted, overtired son (and mama). We know that the people around us love our kids and want to share in their lives with us so we often will make concessions, even when we're absolutely at the end of our rope exhausted.
With special needs parents, it can often be worse.
Maybe your daughter has difficulty with noisy crowds but your family wants the whole crew there to go to the county fair. Maybe your son has difficulty with overwhelming heat but your friends want all of you to go to Florida in June for a group vacation. Maybe your little man has a hard time with clothes rubbing him the wrong way but Grandma is insisting on a fancy dinner at a restaurant with a dress code. Often, people don't realize that what seems very easy-breezy and normal for one family can be an ordeal for a special needs family.
Yes, there are some things that can be handled with advanced preparation. Yes, it is absolutely essential to attempt to give your child new experiences as they progress to allow them to learn to adapt to the things that stress them. There are many, many arguments for this side and they are all true....to an extent. Just because you should give your child new experiences doesn't mean that you should force it upon them when they aren't even close to ready. Just because you could prepare in advance for some situations doesn't mean that it should be expected all of the time.
IT'S OKAY TO SAY "NO"
Let me repeat myself: It's okay to say "no." It's okay to put your child's comfort and well-being before someone's feelings. It's okay to give your child a break when you know they need it. It's okay to not make everyone happy all of the time. It's okay put your child first. If your family or friends are trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed for not feeding into their plans, THEY are the ones that need talked to. It's not your fault. It's okay to say "no."
Well-intentioned family and friends can have a hard time realizing how overwhelming some situations may be. Explaining what is best for you and your family does not make you guilty of some crime. Keep your chin up and know that parenting is tough and you're doing a great job.
As parents, we often feel the need to say "yes" to people even when we're exhausted or over-exerted. We know that Grandma wants to see the baby so we keep the baby up longer than we should to see her, resulting in an exhausted, overtired baby which results in an exhausted, overtired mama. We know that an out-of-town friend is bringing her kids into town to see us so we keep our little man awake through his nap to see her, resulting in an exhausted, overtired son (and mama). We know that the people around us love our kids and want to share in their lives with us so we often will make concessions, even when we're absolutely at the end of our rope exhausted.
With special needs parents, it can often be worse.
Maybe your daughter has difficulty with noisy crowds but your family wants the whole crew there to go to the county fair. Maybe your son has difficulty with overwhelming heat but your friends want all of you to go to Florida in June for a group vacation. Maybe your little man has a hard time with clothes rubbing him the wrong way but Grandma is insisting on a fancy dinner at a restaurant with a dress code. Often, people don't realize that what seems very easy-breezy and normal for one family can be an ordeal for a special needs family.
Yes, there are some things that can be handled with advanced preparation. Yes, it is absolutely essential to attempt to give your child new experiences as they progress to allow them to learn to adapt to the things that stress them. There are many, many arguments for this side and they are all true....to an extent. Just because you should give your child new experiences doesn't mean that you should force it upon them when they aren't even close to ready. Just because you could prepare in advance for some situations doesn't mean that it should be expected all of the time.
IT'S OKAY TO SAY "NO"
Let me repeat myself: It's okay to say "no." It's okay to put your child's comfort and well-being before someone's feelings. It's okay to give your child a break when you know they need it. It's okay to not make everyone happy all of the time. It's okay put your child first. If your family or friends are trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed for not feeding into their plans, THEY are the ones that need talked to. It's not your fault. It's okay to say "no."
Well-intentioned family and friends can have a hard time realizing how overwhelming some situations may be. Explaining what is best for you and your family does not make you guilty of some crime. Keep your chin up and know that parenting is tough and you're doing a great job.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Autism Awareness Day 3: Support System
Divorce is prevalent in the families of children affected by autism. In fact, there are statistics that are frightening, especially since stability can make all the difference to a child who's been diagnosed with autism. Particularly right after diagnosis, when the parents are still trying to decide on a treatment plan and put it into place, the stress level in your household is crazy high. The phrase "it gets worse before it gets better" is one hundred percent true. It truly does. Just when you think you can't handle anything else, the stress level gets higher. Parents get at each other's throats not knowing how to deal with the stress. Fights ensue and divorces happen. It's a scary statistic.
I'm not a doctor and, frankly, I'm divorced myself. I can't tell you some study I've done. I can only tell you what I've seen and experienced.... support system is key. Here are some touch points on the importance of support when your child has challenges.....
*Hold your family and friends close. Maybe your friends ARE you family. Maybe your family ARE your best friends. Either way, hold them close. Educate them on what's going on and what you're working on. Maybe it means modifications in their homes or understanding that you can't go to crowded festivals if you have a child who is overwhelmed by noise. Maybe it's something more simple like just being there to listen to you when you're stressed. Keep them close.
*Accept help. I had a very hard time being able to accept anyone helping me. I experienced a period of guilt for feeling like I "caused" my son's challenges. I felt like I needed to compensate by being super mom. (I still struggle with this occasionally). I didn't want help....but there was nothing more damaging to my health. Accept the help. Be okay with allowing someone to give you a hand with anything from cooking a meal or tidying up to picking up kids from activities or making a run to the store for you in a pinch. Your family and friends are there to help and it helps them to help you (and vice versa, I'm sure).
*Date nights. If you are in a relationship or married, I cannot stress enough the importance of date nights (or days). That hour or two to reconnect makes all the difference. In a high stress environment, it's hard to see the positives. By taking that time to reconnect, you're actually doing your children a service. It's a time to recommit yourself to each other and just enjoy each other's company....to remember that you're "in the trenches" together and you love each other.
*Communication. I don't want to say that you should communicate a certain way. Some do it through shouting (ironic but true), some through writing, some through talking, some through taking a break to gather their thoughts. There are so many ways to communicate and I can't say I judge you on what works for your relationship. What I can say is that communication is key. Being able to express yourself effectively without attacking your partner is a very important skill. Learn it....use it.....own it.
*Hug your kiddo. It doesn't sound like it fits in the support system speech but it does. Hug your kiddo and remind yourself that you're a great parent. You're learning to accept help for their sake because it helps you be a better parent to them. You're communicating better for their sake because it helps you be a better parent. You're taking time outs with your spouse to be a better parent. You're learning skills that will benefit you later in life, as well. Just hug em and tell em how much you love em.
In all of this, take a deep breath and know that you're kicking butt. Learn the importance of your support system to you and your kiddos. It can make all the difference.
I'm not a doctor and, frankly, I'm divorced myself. I can't tell you some study I've done. I can only tell you what I've seen and experienced.... support system is key. Here are some touch points on the importance of support when your child has challenges.....
*Hold your family and friends close. Maybe your friends ARE you family. Maybe your family ARE your best friends. Either way, hold them close. Educate them on what's going on and what you're working on. Maybe it means modifications in their homes or understanding that you can't go to crowded festivals if you have a child who is overwhelmed by noise. Maybe it's something more simple like just being there to listen to you when you're stressed. Keep them close.
*Accept help. I had a very hard time being able to accept anyone helping me. I experienced a period of guilt for feeling like I "caused" my son's challenges. I felt like I needed to compensate by being super mom. (I still struggle with this occasionally). I didn't want help....but there was nothing more damaging to my health. Accept the help. Be okay with allowing someone to give you a hand with anything from cooking a meal or tidying up to picking up kids from activities or making a run to the store for you in a pinch. Your family and friends are there to help and it helps them to help you (and vice versa, I'm sure).
*Date nights. If you are in a relationship or married, I cannot stress enough the importance of date nights (or days). That hour or two to reconnect makes all the difference. In a high stress environment, it's hard to see the positives. By taking that time to reconnect, you're actually doing your children a service. It's a time to recommit yourself to each other and just enjoy each other's company....to remember that you're "in the trenches" together and you love each other.
*Communication. I don't want to say that you should communicate a certain way. Some do it through shouting (ironic but true), some through writing, some through talking, some through taking a break to gather their thoughts. There are so many ways to communicate and I can't say I judge you on what works for your relationship. What I can say is that communication is key. Being able to express yourself effectively without attacking your partner is a very important skill. Learn it....use it.....own it.
*Hug your kiddo. It doesn't sound like it fits in the support system speech but it does. Hug your kiddo and remind yourself that you're a great parent. You're learning to accept help for their sake because it helps you be a better parent to them. You're communicating better for their sake because it helps you be a better parent. You're taking time outs with your spouse to be a better parent. You're learning skills that will benefit you later in life, as well. Just hug em and tell em how much you love em.
In all of this, take a deep breath and know that you're kicking butt. Learn the importance of your support system to you and your kiddos. It can make all the difference.
Autism Awareness Day 2: SPD Story
Though Sensory Processing Disorder is being argued as to whether or not it is a branch of Autism, it has long fallen under the Autism umbrella. However, having Sensory Processing Disorder does not mean that you have Autism Spectrum Disorder. In fact, many different disorders that fall under the umbrella of autism are not necessarily red flags to Autism Spectrum.
I noticed something different with my son from infancy. We called it colicky early on and the doctors blew me off as just being overworked (with two toddlers at home and now, a newborn). "He's just different. You've had very easy babies so far." Not true. My first child was a great sleeper but boy, did she have a temper. Yes, though, I'd had a very "easy baby" right before D. D was adamant about only being with me. I don't mean that he would go to someone else but preferred me. I mean that he screamed bloody murder if anyone else tried to hold him. We had eating issues...big ones. We had sleeping issues...not quite as big but usually related to what he was dressed in, under or if we tried to have him nap anywhere else. He was not a cuddler at all and actually pushed away if anyone else tried to cuddle him but me. I couldn't put my finger on it but something was very different.
As a toddler, I noticed it in slightly different ways. For instance, for his first birthday party, we had to keep it very small because he got very over-stimulated very quickly with any sort of a crowd. He couldn't stand loud noise, too much stimulation visually or even strong smells. He had what I thought were tantrums but they would last for extremely extended periods of time....like he couldn't calm himself no matter what I tried. Again, the doctors blew me off.... "he's just a spirited child....tantrums are normal." But this was different. This wasn't a tantrum. I'd worked with kids for years and I knew a tantrum. Something was very, very different.
By the time he got to a preschool age, I could tell something was very "wrong." He couldn't get his body to cooperate with potty training. I don't mean he wouldn't cooperate and it's not for lack of trying but he couldn't get it to cooperate. Small motor skills were lacking (though some of this, we later discovered, is that he's ambidextrous and learns everything with both hands). He had difficulty with large motor skills too, though....riding a bike in particular. The pediatricians blew me off, blaming the fact that he didn't crawl much and citing evidence that skipping crawling can make bike riding difficult (which is valid evidence but didn't apply here, in my opinion). The pediatricians scolded me for thinking there was something wrong. They told me I was being paranoid. They made me feel terrible for suggesting something might be different.
When he turned five, I finally stopped accepting the scolding. I was sick of being told it was nothing. At this point, he had very definitive small motor delays, particularly in handwriting and such. He was struggling with social skills of any type including how to make friends. He was exhibiting signs of ADHD including extreme hyperactivity, inability to focus, fidgety, and such. He was unable to make eye contact. Obviously the other symptoms from the past were still present but now he would get overwhelmed even easier. It was very evident that I needed answers and the pediatricians weren't even trying.
I pushed for testing. I pushed for someone at a professional level to evaluate him. In fact, I actually put him in kindergarten early so the teacher and staff could attest to the fact that there was more to it than just me imagining things. It was only after he was evaluated by professionals that we realized that he had Sensory Processing Disorder. So I started doing some research.... SPD was not highly publicized at that point. It was a scary prospect reading how some kids reacted and the plights they suffered. I tried several different approaches that they suggested and we finally found what worked for us..... therapy. We did speech therapy. We did behavior modification therapy. He learned coping mechanisms for how to deal with things getting too overwhelming. He learned to use his voice to tell someone if it was too much. Slowly, we started making progress.
The best thing for him, though, was the stability of moving to the mountains. We found a great school out here (a public school) with fantastic teachers and staff. He's kept working and I've watched him bloom and blossom. He still gets overwhelmed and we still suffer an occasional meltdown but they are few and far between and he's better able to manage them now. His speech has caught up. His fine motor skills caught up. He learned to ride a bike. He learned to adapt to social situations better. He's thriving and it has made all the difference to have a great school system, a support system of people who love him (and accept that he's "different" instead of shushing him and me about things that he'd rather recognize and deal with). We don't use his SPD as an excuse but as an explanation, when needed. We talk about it openly. It's a challenge, it's not an impossibility. He has overcome so much.
My point in all of this is the following: Be your child's best advocate. If you KNOW something is wrong, keep pushing until they listen. You know your child better than anyone. If you KNOW something is different, don't listen to them shush you. Demand testing, change doctors...do whatever you need to do to get the answers you need. Early intervention makes all the difference.
I noticed something different with my son from infancy. We called it colicky early on and the doctors blew me off as just being overworked (with two toddlers at home and now, a newborn). "He's just different. You've had very easy babies so far." Not true. My first child was a great sleeper but boy, did she have a temper. Yes, though, I'd had a very "easy baby" right before D. D was adamant about only being with me. I don't mean that he would go to someone else but preferred me. I mean that he screamed bloody murder if anyone else tried to hold him. We had eating issues...big ones. We had sleeping issues...not quite as big but usually related to what he was dressed in, under or if we tried to have him nap anywhere else. He was not a cuddler at all and actually pushed away if anyone else tried to cuddle him but me. I couldn't put my finger on it but something was very different.
As a toddler, I noticed it in slightly different ways. For instance, for his first birthday party, we had to keep it very small because he got very over-stimulated very quickly with any sort of a crowd. He couldn't stand loud noise, too much stimulation visually or even strong smells. He had what I thought were tantrums but they would last for extremely extended periods of time....like he couldn't calm himself no matter what I tried. Again, the doctors blew me off.... "he's just a spirited child....tantrums are normal." But this was different. This wasn't a tantrum. I'd worked with kids for years and I knew a tantrum. Something was very, very different.
By the time he got to a preschool age, I could tell something was very "wrong." He couldn't get his body to cooperate with potty training. I don't mean he wouldn't cooperate and it's not for lack of trying but he couldn't get it to cooperate. Small motor skills were lacking (though some of this, we later discovered, is that he's ambidextrous and learns everything with both hands). He had difficulty with large motor skills too, though....riding a bike in particular. The pediatricians blew me off, blaming the fact that he didn't crawl much and citing evidence that skipping crawling can make bike riding difficult (which is valid evidence but didn't apply here, in my opinion). The pediatricians scolded me for thinking there was something wrong. They told me I was being paranoid. They made me feel terrible for suggesting something might be different.
When he turned five, I finally stopped accepting the scolding. I was sick of being told it was nothing. At this point, he had very definitive small motor delays, particularly in handwriting and such. He was struggling with social skills of any type including how to make friends. He was exhibiting signs of ADHD including extreme hyperactivity, inability to focus, fidgety, and such. He was unable to make eye contact. Obviously the other symptoms from the past were still present but now he would get overwhelmed even easier. It was very evident that I needed answers and the pediatricians weren't even trying.
I pushed for testing. I pushed for someone at a professional level to evaluate him. In fact, I actually put him in kindergarten early so the teacher and staff could attest to the fact that there was more to it than just me imagining things. It was only after he was evaluated by professionals that we realized that he had Sensory Processing Disorder. So I started doing some research.... SPD was not highly publicized at that point. It was a scary prospect reading how some kids reacted and the plights they suffered. I tried several different approaches that they suggested and we finally found what worked for us..... therapy. We did speech therapy. We did behavior modification therapy. He learned coping mechanisms for how to deal with things getting too overwhelming. He learned to use his voice to tell someone if it was too much. Slowly, we started making progress.
The best thing for him, though, was the stability of moving to the mountains. We found a great school out here (a public school) with fantastic teachers and staff. He's kept working and I've watched him bloom and blossom. He still gets overwhelmed and we still suffer an occasional meltdown but they are few and far between and he's better able to manage them now. His speech has caught up. His fine motor skills caught up. He learned to ride a bike. He learned to adapt to social situations better. He's thriving and it has made all the difference to have a great school system, a support system of people who love him (and accept that he's "different" instead of shushing him and me about things that he'd rather recognize and deal with). We don't use his SPD as an excuse but as an explanation, when needed. We talk about it openly. It's a challenge, it's not an impossibility. He has overcome so much.
My point in all of this is the following: Be your child's best advocate. If you KNOW something is wrong, keep pushing until they listen. You know your child better than anyone. If you KNOW something is different, don't listen to them shush you. Demand testing, change doctors...do whatever you need to do to get the answers you need. Early intervention makes all the difference.
Friday, April 1, 2016
Autism Awareness Month
April 1 is the start of Autism Awareness Month. There are several "special needs" issues that fall under the umbrella of Autism. It affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys. In fact, boys are nearly 5 times more likely to be affected by autism than girls. There is no medical detection and no cure for autism. Some are affected very mildly while others are affected much more severely. (Facts from Autism Speaks)
One of the things I want to discuss first is how you approach someone with an autistic child. It seems there are a number of misnomers about children with autism. There's a picture that a host of people have in their head of what an autistic child looks or acts like. People are quick to stare if the child is in the midst of a meltdown and aren't quite sure how to approach the parent. Here are a few tips.....
*Please, for the love of God, don't stare. Believe me, those that are affected by autism-related meltdowns may be "used to them" but not in the way you think. For the parent, they can see them coming and do everything they can to prevent them but they are no less painful to watch your child suffer through no matter how many times you see it. For the child, it is the most out of control experience they can suffer and it is not an experience they want to have put on front street. Please don't stare, point, whisper or anything else I've observed with my own two eyes. If you feel the need to tsk-tsk the parent for "allowing their child to throw a fit", my best advice is to raise your arm to shoulder level, bend at the elbow and punch yourself directly in the f-ing nose.
*Don't try to interfere with the child. The worst thing you can do for a child suffering an autism-related meltdown is touch them, scold them, etc. If you absolutely can't help yourself, touch mom or dad on the shoulder and ask if there's anything you can to do help. Honestly, they, too, are suffering watching their child go through an out of control experience. They generally just have to wait for it to pass it's worst point and then work to talk down the child.
*Please, please, please do NOT ever say to a parent of an autistic child, "Well he doesn't LOOK autistic." or "he looks normal." That is the most insensitive, jerky thing to say to a parent of any child with a disability. You don't "look" like you have autism. There isn't a certain way that autistic children talk or, even, necessarily act. Unless you have something positive to say, shush.
These are just three starter tips. They seem obvious, except they're not. I've watched people do all of these things with my own two eyes. I've experienced these things myself with my son that is affected by Sensory Processing Disorder (which is under the umbrella of autism but is debated as to how much it is under the umbrella). Please educate yourself and be compassionate.
One of the things I want to discuss first is how you approach someone with an autistic child. It seems there are a number of misnomers about children with autism. There's a picture that a host of people have in their head of what an autistic child looks or acts like. People are quick to stare if the child is in the midst of a meltdown and aren't quite sure how to approach the parent. Here are a few tips.....
*Please, for the love of God, don't stare. Believe me, those that are affected by autism-related meltdowns may be "used to them" but not in the way you think. For the parent, they can see them coming and do everything they can to prevent them but they are no less painful to watch your child suffer through no matter how many times you see it. For the child, it is the most out of control experience they can suffer and it is not an experience they want to have put on front street. Please don't stare, point, whisper or anything else I've observed with my own two eyes. If you feel the need to tsk-tsk the parent for "allowing their child to throw a fit", my best advice is to raise your arm to shoulder level, bend at the elbow and punch yourself directly in the f-ing nose.
*Don't try to interfere with the child. The worst thing you can do for a child suffering an autism-related meltdown is touch them, scold them, etc. If you absolutely can't help yourself, touch mom or dad on the shoulder and ask if there's anything you can to do help. Honestly, they, too, are suffering watching their child go through an out of control experience. They generally just have to wait for it to pass it's worst point and then work to talk down the child.
*Please, please, please do NOT ever say to a parent of an autistic child, "Well he doesn't LOOK autistic." or "he looks normal." That is the most insensitive, jerky thing to say to a parent of any child with a disability. You don't "look" like you have autism. There isn't a certain way that autistic children talk or, even, necessarily act. Unless you have something positive to say, shush.
These are just three starter tips. They seem obvious, except they're not. I've watched people do all of these things with my own two eyes. I've experienced these things myself with my son that is affected by Sensory Processing Disorder (which is under the umbrella of autism but is debated as to how much it is under the umbrella). Please educate yourself and be compassionate.
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