I don't consider myself to be antisocial. I'm selectively social. I always have been. I have a hard time socializing in situations that I know are not going to be productive. I know that sounds boring but it's life. With that being said, I believe that the world would be a far more productive and loving place if people chose to come together in the right situations. Here are just a few:
Come Together in a Relationship This is where it all begins for a lot of people. When you enter into marriage, you come together as a couple. You stop trying to live as an independent bachelor or bachelorette and begin to put the needs of your spouse before your own. There are far too many men and women looking at their relationships as a secondary thought to their own needs. Marriage means that you put yourself aside. It means that you sometimes have to do things you don't want to do, show interest in something for the sake of your spouse, and realize that it will repay you tenfold. (While I keep referring to spouses, this is also true of long term relationships with unmarried couples).
Come Together in a Family This applies to any family unit whether blood related or not. When you come together as a family, you create a bond that will carry all of the family members through anything. It doesn't mean you won't fight or disagree. It means that when you do, you learn to work through it in a healthy way. Communication, love and trust are what gets you through this.
Come Together to Change the World It might be as simple as getting a new playground in your neighborhood or it might be for a bigger cause such as protecting the rights of a group or fighting for justice for someone facing life's troubles. Come together for a positive cause. Come together to protect our country. Come together to fight for a good cause.
Come Together to Combat the Hate There is so much hate in the world today. There are groups hellbent on destroying our country and its inhabitants. Come together to fight the hate. Come together to encourage love. Come together to create a more peaceful existence.
Come Together to Pray This is probably my favorite. The Bible says that when two or more come together, God is there. The truth is that no matter what your religion, sharing a prayer with a friend or many friends is a wonderful way to put positive energy out into the world. It's a wonderful way to visualize and to make peace with the Universe as a whole.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Five Ways Relationships CAN Work, even WITH social media
I have seen people posting and reposting an article written recently about how social media ruins marriages. In a lot of ways, I couldn't agree more with this article. Social media can ruin relationships. People use social media as an excuse to be someone that they're not because there is no accountability. They feel like it's suddenly okay to lie, cheat, or do a million other inappropriate things. They feel like they can do whatever because they are safe behind their computer/phone and no one will find out. It seems that integrity goes out the door.
With all of that being said, I believe there are five real things that you can do to enhance your relationship even WITH the presence of social media......
1. Speak positivity into the lives of your loved ones. I'm not going to tell you to be honest. That is kind of a given. Instead, I will tell you to speak positive things into the life of your spouse (or other loved ones). Give yourself a goal of saying at least 5 positive things per day to your spouse and watch how they shine. Lovers become more forgiving, more willing to encourage you, more thankful, and more productive in general. It's a fact of life that positive thoughts beget positive consequences (even if they take awhile). If you speak positivity into your spouse's life, you will get positive consequences.
2. Don't hide behind your hat . What I mean by this is simple: if you wouldn't say or do it with your spouse present, don't do it at all. If you wouldn't look at a website with your wife sitting right next to you, don't look at it at all. If you wouldn't send a picture to someone with your husband sitting right next to you, don't send it at all. This doesn't just apply to social media. This applies to real life. If you have to lie about who you're texting or messaging, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to lie about where you've been or what you've been doing, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to cover your tracks, you clearly know that you're doing something your spouse wouldn't approve of. If you can't live within your relationship's boundaries, you don't need to be in a relationship. Period.
3. Appreciate what you have. Instead of always wanting what someone else has, appreciate what you have. Focus on the good things about your spouse. Yes, there are always things that irritate you about your spouse. Yes there are deal breakers that need to be talked about with your spouse. With that being said, if you focus most of your attention on what is wonderful about your spouse, you'll spend a lot less time being angry at them. A shift in your mindset can make all the difference.
4. Don't make excuses. This kind of coincides with #2. Don't make excuses for your bad behavior. Don't place the blame on someone else for your actions. Hold yourself accountable for what you do. It's not anyone else's fault if you mess up and, quite frankly, your spouse is likely to be much more forgiving if you confess and apologize! No one is responsible for what you do except you.
5. Surround yourself with people who are for you, not against you It's really easy for someone to call you a "friend." It's a horse of a different color for them to actually behave that way. If your "friends" are trash talking your spouse (and no, I'm not referring to honest expression of concern from a friend or family member), they aren't being productive to your relationship. If you feel the need to trash talk your spouse in front of your friends so that you can fit in, you're not being productive to your relationship. If you surround yourself with negative people, you'll start to develop their approach.
and a little bonus.....
Just because you're not married, it doesn't make you immune Committed relationships are committed relationships. I've seen people use a marriage certificate as a convenient out for why they can cheat, lie, etc. It's unacceptable. If you're in a committed relationship, be in a committed relationship. If you're not, make that clear. People are not disposable and treating them like they are is a recipe for a very lonely life.
With all of that being said, I believe there are five real things that you can do to enhance your relationship even WITH the presence of social media......
1. Speak positivity into the lives of your loved ones. I'm not going to tell you to be honest. That is kind of a given. Instead, I will tell you to speak positive things into the life of your spouse (or other loved ones). Give yourself a goal of saying at least 5 positive things per day to your spouse and watch how they shine. Lovers become more forgiving, more willing to encourage you, more thankful, and more productive in general. It's a fact of life that positive thoughts beget positive consequences (even if they take awhile). If you speak positivity into your spouse's life, you will get positive consequences.
2. Don't hide behind your hat . What I mean by this is simple: if you wouldn't say or do it with your spouse present, don't do it at all. If you wouldn't look at a website with your wife sitting right next to you, don't look at it at all. If you wouldn't send a picture to someone with your husband sitting right next to you, don't send it at all. This doesn't just apply to social media. This applies to real life. If you have to lie about who you're texting or messaging, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to lie about where you've been or what you've been doing, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to cover your tracks, you clearly know that you're doing something your spouse wouldn't approve of. If you can't live within your relationship's boundaries, you don't need to be in a relationship. Period.
3. Appreciate what you have. Instead of always wanting what someone else has, appreciate what you have. Focus on the good things about your spouse. Yes, there are always things that irritate you about your spouse. Yes there are deal breakers that need to be talked about with your spouse. With that being said, if you focus most of your attention on what is wonderful about your spouse, you'll spend a lot less time being angry at them. A shift in your mindset can make all the difference.
4. Don't make excuses. This kind of coincides with #2. Don't make excuses for your bad behavior. Don't place the blame on someone else for your actions. Hold yourself accountable for what you do. It's not anyone else's fault if you mess up and, quite frankly, your spouse is likely to be much more forgiving if you confess and apologize! No one is responsible for what you do except you.
5. Surround yourself with people who are for you, not against you It's really easy for someone to call you a "friend." It's a horse of a different color for them to actually behave that way. If your "friends" are trash talking your spouse (and no, I'm not referring to honest expression of concern from a friend or family member), they aren't being productive to your relationship. If you feel the need to trash talk your spouse in front of your friends so that you can fit in, you're not being productive to your relationship. If you surround yourself with negative people, you'll start to develop their approach.
and a little bonus.....
Just because you're not married, it doesn't make you immune Committed relationships are committed relationships. I've seen people use a marriage certificate as a convenient out for why they can cheat, lie, etc. It's unacceptable. If you're in a committed relationship, be in a committed relationship. If you're not, make that clear. People are not disposable and treating them like they are is a recipe for a very lonely life.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Lessons from a Nine Year Old
As my youngest celebrated turning nine yesterday, I began to ponder the things that she has taught me in her nine years. Here's the short list....
EVERYONE DESERVES A CHANCE TO HAVE FUN. She is the most vibrant, friendly child on the planet and truly likes to include everyone. She doesn't believe in judging anyone and I love that about her.
SOMETIMES THE BULLIES JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. At her age, this is often true. Sometimes the bullies are just bullying because they're lonely.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MAKING SOMEONE SMILE. I don't know how she does it but she can make pretty much anyone smile at any given time.
HAVING A HUGE HEART SHINES THROUGH ALWAYS. You literally meet her and love her immediately. I have always told everyone that she absolutely charms people from the moment they meet her.....everyone. It's just the way she is.
STYLE IS ABOUT JUST BEING YOU. This kid combines polka dots with stripes with plaid and works it. She just has this flair about her that her friends try to copy and just can't pull off. I swear that she should be building displays in the mall clothing stores because, with the way she layers, she'd be making millions.
and a few other random things.....
CINDERELLA SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HER SHOES OFF TO RUN WHEN IT STRUCK MIDNIGHT. She could run faster without shoes, after all.
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO KEEP TRACK OF WHICH MY LITTLE PONY EQUESTRIA GIRL IS WHICH. So don't......even.....try.
LITTLE GIRLS LOVE FOOTBALL TOO...SOMETIMES MORE THAN BOYS.
I love my little monkeys and they've all taught me so much. Happy Birthday to my Baby Girl (yesterday).
EVERYONE DESERVES A CHANCE TO HAVE FUN. She is the most vibrant, friendly child on the planet and truly likes to include everyone. She doesn't believe in judging anyone and I love that about her.
SOMETIMES THE BULLIES JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. At her age, this is often true. Sometimes the bullies are just bullying because they're lonely.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MAKING SOMEONE SMILE. I don't know how she does it but she can make pretty much anyone smile at any given time.
HAVING A HUGE HEART SHINES THROUGH ALWAYS. You literally meet her and love her immediately. I have always told everyone that she absolutely charms people from the moment they meet her.....everyone. It's just the way she is.
STYLE IS ABOUT JUST BEING YOU. This kid combines polka dots with stripes with plaid and works it. She just has this flair about her that her friends try to copy and just can't pull off. I swear that she should be building displays in the mall clothing stores because, with the way she layers, she'd be making millions.
and a few other random things.....
CINDERELLA SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HER SHOES OFF TO RUN WHEN IT STRUCK MIDNIGHT. She could run faster without shoes, after all.
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO KEEP TRACK OF WHICH MY LITTLE PONY EQUESTRIA GIRL IS WHICH. So don't......even.....try.
LITTLE GIRLS LOVE FOOTBALL TOO...SOMETIMES MORE THAN BOYS.
I love my little monkeys and they've all taught me so much. Happy Birthday to my Baby Girl (yesterday).
Monday, March 2, 2015
Reflections
As it nears my youngest child's birthday and her last year in the single digits, I find myself taking a good look at those that I hold dear. I look at my family within my house but I also look at the family outside of the house. Some are biologically related and some are of no biological tie at all but are closer to me than most people could imagine. I'm saddened that my kids don't get some of the family experiences that I had growing up but I'm incredibly thankful that they have the people that they do.
Grandparents. My grandparents are some of the most important people in my life. I cherish every conversation I have with them. My maternal grandparents have been gone for decades but my paternal grandparents are the source of knowledge, support and love that I value more than anyone can imagine. My grandmother is my biggest maternal influence in my life and I want to be the kind of amazing mother that she is.
Cousins. Oh my goodness, cousins. I have a ton of them and I'm so thankful for them. As an adult, I've gotten closer with some and more distant with others. I grew up near some of them and had so many adventures with them.
Friends that are Family How many people have "aunts" that aren't really their aunts? I have so much family in my life isn't even close to biological relation but they are SO important to me. They give me hope for an amazing future, strength when I need it and the support that no one else on the planet can provide the same way.
My Dad. My dad is incredible. Nuff said.
Amazing Friends. Though I'm not as close with some of the ones I consider family, I have an incredible group of friends that I adore.
Keep those that you hold near and dear in your heart every second of every day and cherish every single moment. Those life experiences shape who you are.
Grandparents. My grandparents are some of the most important people in my life. I cherish every conversation I have with them. My maternal grandparents have been gone for decades but my paternal grandparents are the source of knowledge, support and love that I value more than anyone can imagine. My grandmother is my biggest maternal influence in my life and I want to be the kind of amazing mother that she is.
Cousins. Oh my goodness, cousins. I have a ton of them and I'm so thankful for them. As an adult, I've gotten closer with some and more distant with others. I grew up near some of them and had so many adventures with them.
Friends that are Family How many people have "aunts" that aren't really their aunts? I have so much family in my life isn't even close to biological relation but they are SO important to me. They give me hope for an amazing future, strength when I need it and the support that no one else on the planet can provide the same way.
My Dad. My dad is incredible. Nuff said.
Amazing Friends. Though I'm not as close with some of the ones I consider family, I have an incredible group of friends that I adore.
Keep those that you hold near and dear in your heart every second of every day and cherish every single moment. Those life experiences shape who you are.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Ten Toddler Rules
Just for fun, today, I'm writing about the top ten things that I think go through the top ten toddler rules.
1. IT'S MINE. PERIOD. If I see it, it's mine. If I play with it, it's mine. If I see you playing with it, it's mine. Mine.
2. FOOD TASTES BETTER OFF OF YOUR PLATE. Yes, that's right. It can be the exact same food that I've just watched you put on both plates. I will still choose to eat it off of your plate and not my own.
3. I'M NOT YOUR CIRCUS MONKEY. I will quote Shakespeare when it's just you and I in the room playing. The minute you whip out a phone or camera to record it, I'm going to say "Da-da." If you ask me to repeat it in front of someone else, I'll stare blankly at you. I don't do the "performing" thing.
4. THERE IS NO PART OF MY DAY THAT WOULD NOT BE BETTER IF I WAS NAKED. Seriously, I love being naked. I have no desire to wear your cute little outfits and shoes. Once I learn how, I will spend the vast majority of my day undressing myself completely and screeching, running through the house.
5. LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY JUST FEEDS MY EGO. Sure it's cute when I run away when you ask me to get my shoes on. The fact is that I love it and I love the attention. I will now repeat it every chance I get.
6. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING WHEN I THROW A FIT. My pediatrician keeps trying to tell you that it's me losing control. In essence, it kind of is. I want you to do it my way and if you don't, I'm going to let you know....loudly. You can't reason with me. You can't ignore me. I'm going to throw a fit.
7. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME; I'M IGNORING YOU. That's right, Mom and Dad. I'm ignoring you. I can understand your words. I know exactly what you're telling me to do but....eh....I don't feel like it. I'll do it my way, thank you.
8. I AM TOUCHING EVERYTHING BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I LEARN. I know you get irritated with me for touching everything but this is how I learn. It's called a sensory experience. That's why I like to touch the snow that falls off of boots when you walk in.
9. IF IT'S ON THE FLOOR OR WITHIN MY REACH, IT WILL GO IN MY MOUTH. Nothing is safe. Snow from your boots-mouth. Beads from your bracelet-mouth. Teeny tiny piece of fuzz undetectable by the adult human eye-mouth.
10. HUG ME ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I GROW UP QUICKLY. I may be difficult at times but hug me all the time because, soon enough, I'll be grown and I will roll my eyes at you. Enjoy every single minute.
1. IT'S MINE. PERIOD. If I see it, it's mine. If I play with it, it's mine. If I see you playing with it, it's mine. Mine.
2. FOOD TASTES BETTER OFF OF YOUR PLATE. Yes, that's right. It can be the exact same food that I've just watched you put on both plates. I will still choose to eat it off of your plate and not my own.
3. I'M NOT YOUR CIRCUS MONKEY. I will quote Shakespeare when it's just you and I in the room playing. The minute you whip out a phone or camera to record it, I'm going to say "Da-da." If you ask me to repeat it in front of someone else, I'll stare blankly at you. I don't do the "performing" thing.
4. THERE IS NO PART OF MY DAY THAT WOULD NOT BE BETTER IF I WAS NAKED. Seriously, I love being naked. I have no desire to wear your cute little outfits and shoes. Once I learn how, I will spend the vast majority of my day undressing myself completely and screeching, running through the house.
5. LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY JUST FEEDS MY EGO. Sure it's cute when I run away when you ask me to get my shoes on. The fact is that I love it and I love the attention. I will now repeat it every chance I get.
6. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING WHEN I THROW A FIT. My pediatrician keeps trying to tell you that it's me losing control. In essence, it kind of is. I want you to do it my way and if you don't, I'm going to let you know....loudly. You can't reason with me. You can't ignore me. I'm going to throw a fit.
7. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME; I'M IGNORING YOU. That's right, Mom and Dad. I'm ignoring you. I can understand your words. I know exactly what you're telling me to do but....eh....I don't feel like it. I'll do it my way, thank you.
8. I AM TOUCHING EVERYTHING BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I LEARN. I know you get irritated with me for touching everything but this is how I learn. It's called a sensory experience. That's why I like to touch the snow that falls off of boots when you walk in.
9. IF IT'S ON THE FLOOR OR WITHIN MY REACH, IT WILL GO IN MY MOUTH. Nothing is safe. Snow from your boots-mouth. Beads from your bracelet-mouth. Teeny tiny piece of fuzz undetectable by the adult human eye-mouth.
10. HUG ME ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I GROW UP QUICKLY. I may be difficult at times but hug me all the time because, soon enough, I'll be grown and I will roll my eyes at you. Enjoy every single minute.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Conference Week
After going to conferences last night and hearing three times, "you must be doing something right at home, Mom," I started to think about what I might do differently than some other parents. I started to think about what I do that some of my kids' friends don't get from their parents and why they claim to love our house. (I preface by saying that my kids aren't heading off to college tomorrow so I'm not saying I've succeeded yet. I also want to say that I'm not saying it's the only way; just that this is what works for me.)
I always have snacks on hand. Every parent seems to say the same thing: you'd swear the kids that visit your house never eat. My house is no different. They're always hungry for snacks.
I let them have supervised space. In other words, I'm checking in on them frequently (age determines how often) but I'm not hovering. They know I'm there.
I'm not afraid to call it like it is, regardless of who's here. That means that I'm not afraid to tell you that your backtalk is unacceptable with your friends here. It keeps the kids in line instead of them thinking they can get away with murder with their friends here. This, in turn, shows their friends a good example of how to behave.
I'm not afraid to tell a kid that's a guest in my house that their behavior is unacceptable. I have no shame in saying, "That kind of attitude isn't permitted in my home. You will speak with respect or you won't speak at all." This applies to every age group.
I give second chances....and third chances. I will ban kids from my house but they get a second chance if they show they're trying to fix their behavior. This makes a HUGE difference.
I'm not afraid of a mess. Trash your room...as long as you plan to clean it up.
Noise doesn't bother me. I always said that after three kids, it's just more noise. It's no extra chaos. I'm so accustomed to a house full that the noise is soothing to me.
There are expectations but they are goals NOT musts. If you mess up, you mess up. The point is that you need to try. I have high expectations but they are to encourage, not make unachievable demands.
and finally....
The kids know the rules from the minute they walk in. My expectation is the same no matter what. Our house is your home when you visit. You can get a drink if you're thirsty, grab a snack if you're hungry and speak your mind respectfully. You're one of us when you visit our home. I think this makes all the difference.
I always have snacks on hand. Every parent seems to say the same thing: you'd swear the kids that visit your house never eat. My house is no different. They're always hungry for snacks.
I let them have supervised space. In other words, I'm checking in on them frequently (age determines how often) but I'm not hovering. They know I'm there.
I'm not afraid to call it like it is, regardless of who's here. That means that I'm not afraid to tell you that your backtalk is unacceptable with your friends here. It keeps the kids in line instead of them thinking they can get away with murder with their friends here. This, in turn, shows their friends a good example of how to behave.
I'm not afraid to tell a kid that's a guest in my house that their behavior is unacceptable. I have no shame in saying, "That kind of attitude isn't permitted in my home. You will speak with respect or you won't speak at all." This applies to every age group.
I give second chances....and third chances. I will ban kids from my house but they get a second chance if they show they're trying to fix their behavior. This makes a HUGE difference.
I'm not afraid of a mess. Trash your room...as long as you plan to clean it up.
Noise doesn't bother me. I always said that after three kids, it's just more noise. It's no extra chaos. I'm so accustomed to a house full that the noise is soothing to me.
There are expectations but they are goals NOT musts. If you mess up, you mess up. The point is that you need to try. I have high expectations but they are to encourage, not make unachievable demands.
and finally....
The kids know the rules from the minute they walk in. My expectation is the same no matter what. Our house is your home when you visit. You can get a drink if you're thirsty, grab a snack if you're hungry and speak your mind respectfully. You're one of us when you visit our home. I think this makes all the difference.
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