Dear Angry Douche Nugget on the Highway:
Okay, I get that there's traffic. I really do. I get that the traffic is awful and that's it's frustrating. I know that you have places to be...but so do the rest of the drivers on the road. I watched you this morning as the cars were trying to merge. I watched you drive slowly, giving them that hope that you'd let them in and then speed up and nearly run them off the road. I watched you drive incredibly slow right afterwards to allow them to get close to you on the road and then speed up again when they turned on their blinker to pass you. I saw it happen.
Let me tell you something you may not know....we all have places to be. We all are just trying to get there safely. If you want to speed up to get in front of those merging drivers, fine. If you think that will get you to your destination very much fast, fine. If you want to slow down or move over, even better. Yes, the merging drivers are responsible for getting up to the pace of traffic but that's difficult to do when you aren't regulating your speed for them to match.
In short, stop acting like an entitled jackass and let the other drivers in before you cause a damn accident and delay everyone for your selfishness.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, February 29, 2016
Mom Boobs
I keep reading all these articles on how to get back your body after a baby. It's adorable to see how these model and celebrity moms (with their personal trainers) push themselves to the brink to get back the perfect body and, for them, it's necessary. Quite honestly, their bodies are a good portion of how they get jobs in Hollywood so I get it. After you've had 2, 3 or 4 babies, though, your body will almost certain change. So instead of a post on how to get your body back, I'm going to give you some tips on what to expect on how to love it anyway.
Mom Boobs If you've breastfed one, you might still get the benefit of perky pretty boobs. Once you've had two, they're just sad. They can vary in size but they're all sad. Realistically, you're going to have Mom boobs. They'll be saggy and have stretch marks but they'll be fantastic no matter what. Get a good bra and do some chest exercises and they'll be as good as new....okay not as good as new but as good as Mom boobs can be. Love em the way they are and remember that they would have sagged with age anyway.
Tiger Stripes I love the concept that they keep calling stretch marks "tiger stripes". Let me tell you something: 70% of women do not view them that way. Some are blessed with nearly white stretch marks and others are dark red. Some only get them in certain spots and others end up with them on their legs, butt, stomach, breasts and anywhere else you can fathom. Here's the deal though....they're stretch marks. They're not the end of the world. Be thankful you are able to have a baby and love them regardless.
Undereye circles Even if you're blessed with an incredible sleeper, you're still going to have to deal with undereye circles. They're the true mark of a mama. Throw on some concealer and occasionally cool cucumbers or a cool rag.
Mom Tummy Even if you get back most of your flat tummy, Mom tummy will always be ready to make its appearance when you least expect it. Appreciate it, love it and be thankful for your curves. They're gorgeous the way they are.
Instead of torturing yourself trying to look perfect, embrace your body and work towards being a healthy mama. You're kicking ass, girl!
Mom Boobs If you've breastfed one, you might still get the benefit of perky pretty boobs. Once you've had two, they're just sad. They can vary in size but they're all sad. Realistically, you're going to have Mom boobs. They'll be saggy and have stretch marks but they'll be fantastic no matter what. Get a good bra and do some chest exercises and they'll be as good as new....okay not as good as new but as good as Mom boobs can be. Love em the way they are and remember that they would have sagged with age anyway.
Tiger Stripes I love the concept that they keep calling stretch marks "tiger stripes". Let me tell you something: 70% of women do not view them that way. Some are blessed with nearly white stretch marks and others are dark red. Some only get them in certain spots and others end up with them on their legs, butt, stomach, breasts and anywhere else you can fathom. Here's the deal though....they're stretch marks. They're not the end of the world. Be thankful you are able to have a baby and love them regardless.
Undereye circles Even if you're blessed with an incredible sleeper, you're still going to have to deal with undereye circles. They're the true mark of a mama. Throw on some concealer and occasionally cool cucumbers or a cool rag.
Mom Tummy Even if you get back most of your flat tummy, Mom tummy will always be ready to make its appearance when you least expect it. Appreciate it, love it and be thankful for your curves. They're gorgeous the way they are.
Instead of torturing yourself trying to look perfect, embrace your body and work towards being a healthy mama. You're kicking ass, girl!
Stadium Series at Coors Field Review
I had the pleasure of attending the Stadium Series game at Coors Field between the Redwings and the Avalanche and had an amazing time. I thought I'd deliver a review.
Spectator Plaza was set up amazingly. We got there early in order to allow us to fully participate in the festivities. There was an incredible variety of things to do from corn hole (aka bean bags) to video games to arcade style games. On top of that, there was live music, booths offering a chance to try your hand at slap shots and even get a picture being a "sports caster" with NHL Network. 21 and older had a separate area where there were even more great festivities. The apparel booths were fantastic and the staff everywhere was fantastic.
Coors Field, as usual, was a great venue. Restrooms were clean and the lines weren't, overall, bad. The concessions weren't nearly as badly priced as I thought they'd be. I got an incredibly big tray of loaded out nachos for $7.50. The staff was nice, the security was plentiful and the venue, itself is fantastic with not a bad seat in the house.
The pre-game and intermission entertainment was fantastic. Andy Grammer put on a fantastic show that amped up the audience and got everyone swaying to the music. The Fray's performance was incredible with the outfield audience getting to be part of the light show. Honoring our police and military was outstanding!
The best part of the event, though, was the hockey itself. Both teams played hard and put on a great game. The officiating was fantastic and the outdoor "feel" just made it even more exciting. In the end, the Redwings pulled through making this girl one happy hockey chick.
To be improved on? The fake snow. I get that it had to be improvised, however, by the end of the game, half of the intoxicated college kids watching the game were more amused by the "snow" blowing around than the game itself.
Overall, it is an experience that I'd recommend for every sports fan to have at least one time! Go Redwings!
Spectator Plaza was set up amazingly. We got there early in order to allow us to fully participate in the festivities. There was an incredible variety of things to do from corn hole (aka bean bags) to video games to arcade style games. On top of that, there was live music, booths offering a chance to try your hand at slap shots and even get a picture being a "sports caster" with NHL Network. 21 and older had a separate area where there were even more great festivities. The apparel booths were fantastic and the staff everywhere was fantastic.
Coors Field, as usual, was a great venue. Restrooms were clean and the lines weren't, overall, bad. The concessions weren't nearly as badly priced as I thought they'd be. I got an incredibly big tray of loaded out nachos for $7.50. The staff was nice, the security was plentiful and the venue, itself is fantastic with not a bad seat in the house.
The pre-game and intermission entertainment was fantastic. Andy Grammer put on a fantastic show that amped up the audience and got everyone swaying to the music. The Fray's performance was incredible with the outfield audience getting to be part of the light show. Honoring our police and military was outstanding!
The best part of the event, though, was the hockey itself. Both teams played hard and put on a great game. The officiating was fantastic and the outdoor "feel" just made it even more exciting. In the end, the Redwings pulled through making this girl one happy hockey chick.
To be improved on? The fake snow. I get that it had to be improvised, however, by the end of the game, half of the intoxicated college kids watching the game were more amused by the "snow" blowing around than the game itself.
Overall, it is an experience that I'd recommend for every sports fan to have at least one time! Go Redwings!
Waking the Teenage Beast
1. Quietly sneak up and whisper to the teenager. It's sort of similar to approaching a deer in the wild. Very quiet. Observe before continuing.
2. "Cheese touch" the teenager's arm to gently jostle. If you're unfamiliar, the "cheese touch" is a quick, matter of fact pat on the arm in which you jerk your arm back afterward to avoid being swatted.
3. If said teenager still doesn't move, jostle again in the same manner, adding a slightly louder whisper.
4. If teenager groans, you're making progress. This time, tap them lightly.
5. Now dodge their arm as you jostle them a bit harder this time.
6. Block out the sound of the groans as you give on last verbal request.
7. As a last result, spray with water bottle and run.
2. "Cheese touch" the teenager's arm to gently jostle. If you're unfamiliar, the "cheese touch" is a quick, matter of fact pat on the arm in which you jerk your arm back afterward to avoid being swatted.
3. If said teenager still doesn't move, jostle again in the same manner, adding a slightly louder whisper.
4. If teenager groans, you're making progress. This time, tap them lightly.
5. Now dodge their arm as you jostle them a bit harder this time.
6. Block out the sound of the groans as you give on last verbal request.
7. As a last result, spray with water bottle and run.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Kk
"Kk"
It's two letters but those two letters creep right under my skin and make me nuts. Every generation has their words that they use in a trendy way. Most come from movies, songs lyrics or out of some celebrity's mouths and social media just makes it more accessible. For a great deal of parents, hearing these words makes you cringe like nails on a chalkboard. It seems to start younger and younger anymore and the parents that think it's adorable that little Johnny used the f-word in kindergarten aren't helping the situation. "Awwww isn't it adorable that she dressed like a character from OITNB?" No, not it's not. Let's be realistic, I love "Orange is the New Black" but it's not a show for five year olds. It's just not. But I digress. Here are some of the words I hear kids use that make me develop a tick of epic proportions.....
"Kk" It's a response when someone makes a request of you. It's kind of like "Ok" texted from an illiterate monkey whose fingers are too big for the touchpad on the phone. "Ok" is a shortened version of "okay." It takes no more time to type than this lazy man's response and makes me feel like common core hasn't completely destroyed their brains. (Haha)
"Bae". This one is even worse. This word will seriously make my blood boil. I loathe this word like a kid loathes eating creamed spinach. On a side note, "bae" means "poop" in Danish so every time you call your loved one this, your calling them "shit."
"Sup" This is another one that grinds my gears. Look, I don't mind if you text your friends with it. I really don't. However, if you want me to answer a question, don't text me with this phrase. I don't speak hoodrat.
So how have I been handling my kids using these words? Oh it's simple. I answer back with phrases from my day (even if they aren't completely fitting to the situation) and puzzle the crap out of them. So they text me "Kk" and I text them back "Word to your mutha." The same concept works for the trendy songs I'm God-awful sick of. They play "Whip Nae Nae" and I make them don their neon and dance to Bananarama singing "Venus." Two can play at that game.
Ironically, I know that this is completely normal for kids. However, I want them to know that there is a very clear difference in how you speak to an adult and a kid. I love you and you can talk to me about everything BUT I'm not your best friend. I'm your mom. Why can you talk to me then? Because 9/10 times, I can help you resolve whatever's going on much more effectively anyway. Just don't start the conversation with "Sup".....ever. Kk?
It's two letters but those two letters creep right under my skin and make me nuts. Every generation has their words that they use in a trendy way. Most come from movies, songs lyrics or out of some celebrity's mouths and social media just makes it more accessible. For a great deal of parents, hearing these words makes you cringe like nails on a chalkboard. It seems to start younger and younger anymore and the parents that think it's adorable that little Johnny used the f-word in kindergarten aren't helping the situation. "Awwww isn't it adorable that she dressed like a character from OITNB?" No, not it's not. Let's be realistic, I love "Orange is the New Black" but it's not a show for five year olds. It's just not. But I digress. Here are some of the words I hear kids use that make me develop a tick of epic proportions.....
"Kk" It's a response when someone makes a request of you. It's kind of like "Ok" texted from an illiterate monkey whose fingers are too big for the touchpad on the phone. "Ok" is a shortened version of "okay." It takes no more time to type than this lazy man's response and makes me feel like common core hasn't completely destroyed their brains. (Haha)
"Bae". This one is even worse. This word will seriously make my blood boil. I loathe this word like a kid loathes eating creamed spinach. On a side note, "bae" means "poop" in Danish so every time you call your loved one this, your calling them "shit."
"Sup" This is another one that grinds my gears. Look, I don't mind if you text your friends with it. I really don't. However, if you want me to answer a question, don't text me with this phrase. I don't speak hoodrat.
So how have I been handling my kids using these words? Oh it's simple. I answer back with phrases from my day (even if they aren't completely fitting to the situation) and puzzle the crap out of them. So they text me "Kk" and I text them back "Word to your mutha." The same concept works for the trendy songs I'm God-awful sick of. They play "Whip Nae Nae" and I make them don their neon and dance to Bananarama singing "Venus." Two can play at that game.
Ironically, I know that this is completely normal for kids. However, I want them to know that there is a very clear difference in how you speak to an adult and a kid. I love you and you can talk to me about everything BUT I'm not your best friend. I'm your mom. Why can you talk to me then? Because 9/10 times, I can help you resolve whatever's going on much more effectively anyway. Just don't start the conversation with "Sup".....ever. Kk?
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Review of TRP Earache Relief
I only do reviews here on a rare occasion but this is one that's worth doing. My daughter recently visited the ER with a nasty ear infection and sinus infection. I purchased a product from a company I really like called TRP. It's a homeopathic company that provides remedy products not requiring you to take prescription meds. I know there is a wide debate on homeopathy but I lean more on the side of homeopathy, herbal, essential oil and other natural remedies where possible. I had her on traditional OTC meds for an entire 24 hour period before starting this product and watched the enormous change for the positive after.
http://www.thereliefproducts.com/earache-relief/
The product is called TRP Earache Relief and the link is above. Here is my review:
I loved this product, without a doubt. Benefit 1: It dissolves under the user's tongue. It doesn't require a nasty tasting liquid or chewable that you have to pin them down to take. It's simple: put it under their tongue, it dissolves and the relief begins. Benefit 2: Because of the method of administration, it works very quickly. Benefit 3: It very definitely provides pain relief. The difference between giving her Tylonel and giving her this was incredible to observe. I didn't tell her ahead of time what to expect but after giving her this, she was able to function as opposed to laying, writhing in pain. Benefit 4: It allowed her to sleep. She was finally able to get enough relief to be able to sleep soundly.
While I can't tell anyone what is best for your or your family, I recommend educating yourself on homeopathic remedies and considering natural treatments as an option. I am very pleased with the benefits of this treatment and I'd recommend it to anyone (after they've researched and made certain it's an option they'd like to try).
http://www.thereliefproducts.com/earache-relief/
The product is called TRP Earache Relief and the link is above. Here is my review:
I loved this product, without a doubt. Benefit 1: It dissolves under the user's tongue. It doesn't require a nasty tasting liquid or chewable that you have to pin them down to take. It's simple: put it under their tongue, it dissolves and the relief begins. Benefit 2: Because of the method of administration, it works very quickly. Benefit 3: It very definitely provides pain relief. The difference between giving her Tylonel and giving her this was incredible to observe. I didn't tell her ahead of time what to expect but after giving her this, she was able to function as opposed to laying, writhing in pain. Benefit 4: It allowed her to sleep. She was finally able to get enough relief to be able to sleep soundly.
While I can't tell anyone what is best for your or your family, I recommend educating yourself on homeopathic remedies and considering natural treatments as an option. I am very pleased with the benefits of this treatment and I'd recommend it to anyone (after they've researched and made certain it's an option they'd like to try).
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
What Do You Want
"What do you want?"
You know the phrase well if you're the parent of a tween or teen. Your normally distracted teenager starts cleaning the house, using sugar sweet compliments and being incredibly pleasant. I have learned to embrace it. I still say the same phrase: What do you want? With that said, here's how to handle your teenager if they spark your thoughts on this phrase:
1. Give them more chores. Hell, take advantage of their helpful attitude.
2. Give them a great big hug. This might be your only opportunity.
3. Tell them how great they are. Truly, they deserve to hear it and this might be an opportunity that they'll actually listen to.
4. Make them stand on one leg and plead their case while hopping. Okay maybe that's a bit extreme.
5. Realize that, regardless of motivation, they're actually getting something done and embrace it.
You know the phrase well if you're the parent of a tween or teen. Your normally distracted teenager starts cleaning the house, using sugar sweet compliments and being incredibly pleasant. I have learned to embrace it. I still say the same phrase: What do you want? With that said, here's how to handle your teenager if they spark your thoughts on this phrase:
1. Give them more chores. Hell, take advantage of their helpful attitude.
2. Give them a great big hug. This might be your only opportunity.
3. Tell them how great they are. Truly, they deserve to hear it and this might be an opportunity that they'll actually listen to.
4. Make them stand on one leg and plead their case while hopping. Okay maybe that's a bit extreme.
5. Realize that, regardless of motivation, they're actually getting something done and embrace it.
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