There are three components that I believe contribute largely to successful relationships (though they are clearly only part of a larger working machine) that I think are too often overlooked. Some of the idea of my component list comes from observation, some from personal experience and some from just pondering on life. Without further ado, components that contribute largely to successful relationships:
The ability to say "Thank you" and "I'm Sorry". These seem like really simple phrases but they are, often, pushed aside when you're truly comfortable with someone. The words "thank you" convey appreciation and, in my opinion, love. It shows that you are truly realizing that someone's effort went into doing something for you (big or small) and you are thankful. This can make a world of difference. Remember that there are a lot of times that your family/friend/lover has had a day outside of your presence and they might just need a soft place to fall. "Thank you" can change a stressful day to a peaceful heart that feels loved. Some days it can be the turning point.
The words "I'm sorry" are important to me personally. I believe that saying "I'm sorry" indicates that you plan to change your behavior. This is important for a couple of reasons. First of all, the sheer sentiment of saying that you're sorry means that you're admitting that you did wrong. It might have just led to hurt feelings but it might have also led to something bigger and more traumatic. Secondly, the words indicate that not only do you understand that you did something wrong but that you intend to do your best to not do it again. This builds trust (when you truly back up your words with your actions). Finally, it can indicate that you plan to try to fix the wrong done by the behavior. Even if you can't succeed at reversing what was done, you can always do something wonderful and amazing just by showing that you want to try.
Encourage them to be who they are and be their biggest fan. Again, it sounds simple enough. When you fall for someone, all you can do is brag on them. Unfortunately, it seems that this fades over time for a lot of people. Appreciating someone on a daily basis makes a big difference. Focusing on their good qualities and encouraging them to grow in those areas is a true sign of love. Choosing not to criticize or critique but instead to encourage and build up is a truly wonderful way to show someone true love. While it is important that you share some interests, your family/friends/lover is going to have things that they love that make them unique. Chances are, they are truly passionate about something and showing them that you are their biggest fan when it comes to that passion will make them feel an overwhelming love. The most successful couples I've observed have enjoyed spending time together but have given each other not only the space but the encouragement to do something wonderful on their own as well. Be their confidence when they're feeling discouraged. Be their patience when they're frustrated at not being able to advance. Show them that they have a fan no matter what.
Learn how they feel loved and focus on trying to exercise that method. There is a wonderful series of books about "The Five Love Languages" that I fully recommend to everyone I know. Finding out how people feel loved can make a huge difference. If your lover feels loved when you touch them and you are showing your love by buying them things, it's not going to feel like love to them. I encourage everyone to read these books and truly find out what those you love have as a love language. I have found that it changes your relationships all around. It can make the difference between the love that they feel from someone else and a love that truly envelopes them in whatever kind of affection they need.
Again, these are not the only cogs in a relationship machine but they can truly make an astounding difference in your relationships with your loved ones. Try practicing them for awhile and see what a difference it makes.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Friday, July 3, 2015
Tact and Self Control
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I believe that there is a certain degree of tact that all people should learn to exercise and that we should be teaching our children to exercise, especially. I'm not the type of person to sugar coat ANYTHING but I do believe that sometimes, it's a great idea to just keep your mouth shut if you're not going to improve the situation with your words. Here are my general rules when it comes to tact:
Not EVERYONE needs your opinion ALL of the time. Let's face it: it's hard to NOT open your mouth sometimes. Realistically speaking, you may need to bite your tongue as hard as you can. You are not a radiant all-knowing spirit and not everyone needs your opinion all of the time.
If it's not improving the situation, think twice before saying it. Okay so sometimes you just need to tell it like it is to someone who's just not getting it. Sometimes you just need to realize that if you're not going to help the situation, you might need to just shut your mouth. Practice self-control and let people make their own mistakes.
With those two things said, if you HAVE to say it, try to say it without criticizing. This particularly applies to loved ones. If you have to say something hard, try to say it without criticizing. Am I suggesting you sugar coat? No. Am I suggesting you choose not to kick them when they're down, yes.
Use YOUR intelligence to make the conversation lean in a direction where your advice may be helpful. Use the intelligence God gave you to turn the conversation from an "ugh, why won't he shut up" to a "Hmmmm that might be a different way to look at it." The use of the phrases, "Maybe you could try" or "It might be an option to look into if you..." might be a helpful start.
and finally....
Understand that they aren't likely to take your advice anyway. Very few people on this planet listen to anyone else, really. They honestly take what you're saying with a grain of salt, even if they're your best friend. They have to learn. Sometimes the best action is being ready to catch them when they fall and fight the urge to say "I told you so."
Perhaps if more people in our country exercised tact and a little bit of self-control when it comes to what comes out of their mouths, the country would be a gentler place.
Not EVERYONE needs your opinion ALL of the time. Let's face it: it's hard to NOT open your mouth sometimes. Realistically speaking, you may need to bite your tongue as hard as you can. You are not a radiant all-knowing spirit and not everyone needs your opinion all of the time.
If it's not improving the situation, think twice before saying it. Okay so sometimes you just need to tell it like it is to someone who's just not getting it. Sometimes you just need to realize that if you're not going to help the situation, you might need to just shut your mouth. Practice self-control and let people make their own mistakes.
With those two things said, if you HAVE to say it, try to say it without criticizing. This particularly applies to loved ones. If you have to say something hard, try to say it without criticizing. Am I suggesting you sugar coat? No. Am I suggesting you choose not to kick them when they're down, yes.
Use YOUR intelligence to make the conversation lean in a direction where your advice may be helpful. Use the intelligence God gave you to turn the conversation from an "ugh, why won't he shut up" to a "Hmmmm that might be a different way to look at it." The use of the phrases, "Maybe you could try" or "It might be an option to look into if you..." might be a helpful start.
and finally....
Understand that they aren't likely to take your advice anyway. Very few people on this planet listen to anyone else, really. They honestly take what you're saying with a grain of salt, even if they're your best friend. They have to learn. Sometimes the best action is being ready to catch them when they fall and fight the urge to say "I told you so."
Perhaps if more people in our country exercised tact and a little bit of self-control when it comes to what comes out of their mouths, the country would be a gentler place.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Bigot...an Overused Term
I watched someone get called a "bigot" yesterday because they didn't change their Facebook profile picture to the rainbow "pride" tint. Why were they called a bigot? Because they were a Christian. Let me be very clear about something: I know that the accuser does not speak for the masses. There are extremists (for lack of better terminology) that represent every culture, belief, religion, and so on and so forth. This accuser's terminology is clearly uneducated and just plain ridiculous. You are not a bigot simply for not choosing to add a rainbow tint to your profile picture any more than you are a bigot for saying that you don't agree with something.
Bigot is defined as "a person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions." By its very definition, the above-listed accusation is incorrect. A profile picture or any other such representation has nothing to do with whether or not a person is intolerant. The word "bigot" gets thrown around like a simple, everyday adjective anymore and it's often directed at the Christian or conservative base. If you don't think people should live on welfare their entire life and then pass it on from generation to generation, you're a bigot and you hate poor people. If you don't think that the Confederate flag represents racism (in this day and age), you're a bigot and you hate black people. If you don't think that the government should remove "under God" from the pledge, you're a bigot and you hate other religions. If you don't think that the government should make a federal law redefining marriage, you're a bigot and you hate homosexuals. The word is thrown around to describe anyone whose opinion varies from the masses. Realistically, the masses throwing around this word is the very definition of bigotry. They are being intolerant of someone else's different beliefs.
Our politically correct culture seems to think that offense is NECESSARY instead of optional. Do you want to know the truth? Being offended is a choice. Sometimes it's a more evident choice than others but it is always a choice. You choose how you react to peoples actions. You choose whether or not someone's comment or demeanor or even their picture offends you. It's a choice. Quite honestly, we seem to tiptoe around anymore not wanting anyone to be upset because they might sue us (which is a very real threat being that we live in a sue-happy society but that's a whole different post). We have to define people by their ancestry (aka African American, Asian American, Latin American, etc) instead of defining them of citizens of our country, Americans. We aren't allowed to call people "illegal aliens" because it's offensive, though the terminology is actually completely accurate. We aren't allowed to breastfeed in public without a cover because someone might be offended by the sight of a breast but we also aren't allowed to tell the teeny bopper with her ass hanging out of her shorts that her clothing isn't appropriate; you see, that's offensive. We're a nation of pansies when it comes to hurt feelings and it's absurd. Like I tell my kids when they're whining over nothing: toughen up buttercup, life's hard sometimes. Realistically speaking, you can't get upset over every little thing.
What is my stance on gay marriage? Honestly? I think that if someone else wants to enter in the 50/50 world of marital "bliss", let them. Does that make me less Christian? No....Christianity is the belief that Jesus is our Lord and Savior who was crucified, buried and rose again to save us from our sins. I still believe that. Does it mean I don't believe in the Bible? Absolutely not. I absolutely do believe that the Bible was written by man, inspired by God and that the events did occur. I also believe that we are called by God to love and that Jesus' death gave us the two most important commandments: love God and love your neighbor as yourself. I don't have to want to be gay to love the crap out of every gay person I meet. We are called to not be judgmental but to walk on God's path and to teach others through our actions and words how to be more like God. My focus is on what God calls ME to do. It is not on trying to pick apart every single action of our fallen world and it is certainly not to pass judgment on someone who chooses to live a different lifestyle than I do. Does the Bible define homosexuality as a sin? In the old testament, yes. Does it explicitly say in the New Testament that no one sin is better or worse than another, yes. You see, to me, picking apart things and saying, "Well it says in __enter Old Testament book here__ that this is a sin or that's a sin so you're wrong and I'm right and you're not a Christian because you don't believe it," that's absurd to me. The Old Testament also tells men that they can't shave their beards and women that they can't divorce or remarry after their husband divorces them or a million other things. No, you can't cherry pick what you want from the Bible as it appeases you, but you also can't stand and say that this passage from the Old Testament is important but that one isn't. When Jesus died for our sins, he washed away the old and brought in the new. Do the commandments still exist? Absolutely, even Jesus says that but he also says that the two most important commandments are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. So do I choose homosexuality for my own life? No. Does that mean I don't think homosexuals should be allowed to marry? Absolutely not. Their lives and their choices are between them and God and my choices are between me and God. I'm no better and I'm no less of a sinner than they are. Everyone sins every single day...who am I to judge whose is better or worse?
I WILL say the following though: the Federal government IS too involved in everyone's daily lives. Nothing that isn't Constitutionally right should be forced on us and redefining the Constitution by stretching it to fit our needs would make our forefathers roll over in their graves.
I guess my summation is simply this: Perhaps if we were a bit more concerned with making our own lives the best that they can be and doing our best to be good people, our country would be better off. Instead of focusing on who hurt your feelings or who is doing something you don't like, focus on bettering your own life and let them do what they want to do. You don't have to agree with them to love them and you don't have to accept their choices to let them live their life the way they choose. If you aren't contributing to their bills and you aren't taking care of their emotional needs, you don't have the right to interject your opinions into their everyday life. You don't like gay marriage? Okay, be straight and be proud of that as the gay population is proud of their choice. You don't like breastfeeding in public? Okay, don't do it and turn your head if someone else is doing it in front of you. You don't like the Confederate flag? Okay, don't display it. No one is making you do any of these things. Let's get back to the fundamentals of our country's Constitution and mind our own business for awhile.
Bigot is defined as "a person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions." By its very definition, the above-listed accusation is incorrect. A profile picture or any other such representation has nothing to do with whether or not a person is intolerant. The word "bigot" gets thrown around like a simple, everyday adjective anymore and it's often directed at the Christian or conservative base. If you don't think people should live on welfare their entire life and then pass it on from generation to generation, you're a bigot and you hate poor people. If you don't think that the Confederate flag represents racism (in this day and age), you're a bigot and you hate black people. If you don't think that the government should remove "under God" from the pledge, you're a bigot and you hate other religions. If you don't think that the government should make a federal law redefining marriage, you're a bigot and you hate homosexuals. The word is thrown around to describe anyone whose opinion varies from the masses. Realistically, the masses throwing around this word is the very definition of bigotry. They are being intolerant of someone else's different beliefs.
Our politically correct culture seems to think that offense is NECESSARY instead of optional. Do you want to know the truth? Being offended is a choice. Sometimes it's a more evident choice than others but it is always a choice. You choose how you react to peoples actions. You choose whether or not someone's comment or demeanor or even their picture offends you. It's a choice. Quite honestly, we seem to tiptoe around anymore not wanting anyone to be upset because they might sue us (which is a very real threat being that we live in a sue-happy society but that's a whole different post). We have to define people by their ancestry (aka African American, Asian American, Latin American, etc) instead of defining them of citizens of our country, Americans. We aren't allowed to call people "illegal aliens" because it's offensive, though the terminology is actually completely accurate. We aren't allowed to breastfeed in public without a cover because someone might be offended by the sight of a breast but we also aren't allowed to tell the teeny bopper with her ass hanging out of her shorts that her clothing isn't appropriate; you see, that's offensive. We're a nation of pansies when it comes to hurt feelings and it's absurd. Like I tell my kids when they're whining over nothing: toughen up buttercup, life's hard sometimes. Realistically speaking, you can't get upset over every little thing.
What is my stance on gay marriage? Honestly? I think that if someone else wants to enter in the 50/50 world of marital "bliss", let them. Does that make me less Christian? No....Christianity is the belief that Jesus is our Lord and Savior who was crucified, buried and rose again to save us from our sins. I still believe that. Does it mean I don't believe in the Bible? Absolutely not. I absolutely do believe that the Bible was written by man, inspired by God and that the events did occur. I also believe that we are called by God to love and that Jesus' death gave us the two most important commandments: love God and love your neighbor as yourself. I don't have to want to be gay to love the crap out of every gay person I meet. We are called to not be judgmental but to walk on God's path and to teach others through our actions and words how to be more like God. My focus is on what God calls ME to do. It is not on trying to pick apart every single action of our fallen world and it is certainly not to pass judgment on someone who chooses to live a different lifestyle than I do. Does the Bible define homosexuality as a sin? In the old testament, yes. Does it explicitly say in the New Testament that no one sin is better or worse than another, yes. You see, to me, picking apart things and saying, "Well it says in __enter Old Testament book here__ that this is a sin or that's a sin so you're wrong and I'm right and you're not a Christian because you don't believe it," that's absurd to me. The Old Testament also tells men that they can't shave their beards and women that they can't divorce or remarry after their husband divorces them or a million other things. No, you can't cherry pick what you want from the Bible as it appeases you, but you also can't stand and say that this passage from the Old Testament is important but that one isn't. When Jesus died for our sins, he washed away the old and brought in the new. Do the commandments still exist? Absolutely, even Jesus says that but he also says that the two most important commandments are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. So do I choose homosexuality for my own life? No. Does that mean I don't think homosexuals should be allowed to marry? Absolutely not. Their lives and their choices are between them and God and my choices are between me and God. I'm no better and I'm no less of a sinner than they are. Everyone sins every single day...who am I to judge whose is better or worse?
I WILL say the following though: the Federal government IS too involved in everyone's daily lives. Nothing that isn't Constitutionally right should be forced on us and redefining the Constitution by stretching it to fit our needs would make our forefathers roll over in their graves.
I guess my summation is simply this: Perhaps if we were a bit more concerned with making our own lives the best that they can be and doing our best to be good people, our country would be better off. Instead of focusing on who hurt your feelings or who is doing something you don't like, focus on bettering your own life and let them do what they want to do. You don't have to agree with them to love them and you don't have to accept their choices to let them live their life the way they choose. If you aren't contributing to their bills and you aren't taking care of their emotional needs, you don't have the right to interject your opinions into their everyday life. You don't like gay marriage? Okay, be straight and be proud of that as the gay population is proud of their choice. You don't like breastfeeding in public? Okay, don't do it and turn your head if someone else is doing it in front of you. You don't like the Confederate flag? Okay, don't display it. No one is making you do any of these things. Let's get back to the fundamentals of our country's Constitution and mind our own business for awhile.
Monday, June 29, 2015
Breaking Points
There's an expression that's used in many memes that basically says the following (paraphrasing): Don't be scared of when a woman yells at you when she's mad. Be scared when she's stopped yelling because that means she's stopped caring.
I believe this applies to both genders, to some degree. Some people have higher tolerances for drama than others. Some people have more compassionate hearts than others. Some people are just suckers for second and third and seventeenth chances. Realistically, some people suffer from all three of these conditions and more. Always, though, always, there is a breaking point. A point at which you've finally realized that the second and third and twenty seventh chances aren't worth it anymore because they're not changing...A point at which you realize that the blood, sweat and tears are only on your end.....A point at which you realize that you can't invest any more of your energy trying to please someone that could care less about pleasing you. THAT is your breaking point.
Sadly, it can produce a few reactions. For some, it produces anger that helps people to cope with their sadness and loss of someone they care about. For others, it produces resolve that helps them to plan and move forward, focusing all of their attention on how they will get through this. For people like me, it just bubbles up sadness. It's not depression. It's pure sadness but sadness for the other person's heart and what they're missing out on. That may sound conceited but it's not. I know how much I give to those I love and once that love is gone, it breaks my heart to know that they'll no longer have that love or support from me again.
The point of all of this is the following: Evaluate how you treat the people you claim that you love. If you are ignoring them, yelling at them, belittling them, or any other mistreatment, understand that there will be a breaking point. You will lose what you love and it'll happen in the blink of an eye. Apologies are just words unless you prove them. Don't let your life become a series of recovering from other people's breaking points....treat people with the appreciation, love, and respect they deserve or someone else will.
I believe this applies to both genders, to some degree. Some people have higher tolerances for drama than others. Some people have more compassionate hearts than others. Some people are just suckers for second and third and seventeenth chances. Realistically, some people suffer from all three of these conditions and more. Always, though, always, there is a breaking point. A point at which you've finally realized that the second and third and twenty seventh chances aren't worth it anymore because they're not changing...A point at which you realize that the blood, sweat and tears are only on your end.....A point at which you realize that you can't invest any more of your energy trying to please someone that could care less about pleasing you. THAT is your breaking point.
Sadly, it can produce a few reactions. For some, it produces anger that helps people to cope with their sadness and loss of someone they care about. For others, it produces resolve that helps them to plan and move forward, focusing all of their attention on how they will get through this. For people like me, it just bubbles up sadness. It's not depression. It's pure sadness but sadness for the other person's heart and what they're missing out on. That may sound conceited but it's not. I know how much I give to those I love and once that love is gone, it breaks my heart to know that they'll no longer have that love or support from me again.
The point of all of this is the following: Evaluate how you treat the people you claim that you love. If you are ignoring them, yelling at them, belittling them, or any other mistreatment, understand that there will be a breaking point. You will lose what you love and it'll happen in the blink of an eye. Apologies are just words unless you prove them. Don't let your life become a series of recovering from other people's breaking points....treat people with the appreciation, love, and respect they deserve or someone else will.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Small Town Bond
Once again, destruction hits my old stomping grounds. Another tornado hit one of the small towns I, essentially, grew up in. It's the second time in two years and it's absolutely devastating to see. I'm looking at pictures of the devastation, seeing people's Facebook posts, and knowing that they're struggling and my heart just aches. It just aches.
There is a very real bond that exists when you grow up in a small town. In my case, there is a cluster of small towns that sort of fuse together. While I grew up in one, I spent most of my time in another and went to high school (and spent a good deal of time) in a couple more. This tiny cluster of towns was my whole world for a very big part of my childhood. It was the kind of place where you could have scavenger hunts and no one cared if you were running through their yard because they knew you and knew your parents. It was the kind of place where you didn't dare act up because the people in that town all knew your parents and they'd take you back to your house rather than down to the police station. It's a bond...a family. No one outside of these towns ever really understands it and it's not something you can truly explain.
While I love Denver and while this feels like home to me now, I am so torn. Seeing this devastation, I want to be back home helping everyone clean up. I want to be there to hug my "family" and let them know that I'll do whatever I can. I want to be there to bring boxes to them or maybe just a warm meal. It truly pulls at my heart strings that I'm not there with the people that I love so much.
I'm amazed at the heartlessness I've seen on news stories about this event and beyond. People are so busy picking apart whether or not this small town is truly a part of the Chicago metro area or not that they seem to forget that some detail of location like that (which can be argued fairly by either side) isn't the point. The point is that people were affected and lost everything. My opinion to the people arguing over ridiculous details is this: If you aren't going to say something supportive to victims of a natural disaster who OBVIOUSLY did nothing to deserve this, then shut your mouth. If you don't like seeing certain aspects of it in your newsfeed, scroll on by. No one is forcing you to look at anything and CERTAINLY no one needs you to sound off on how this or that is inaccurate, wrong, etc unless you are helping the situation. Please remember that these victims have been through enough and they don't need your criticism. They need your love and help in whatever way you can offer it, even if it means "just" (and I use the quotations because I don't feel it's unimportant AT ALL) praying and sending good vibes.
There is a very real bond that exists when you grow up in a small town. In my case, there is a cluster of small towns that sort of fuse together. While I grew up in one, I spent most of my time in another and went to high school (and spent a good deal of time) in a couple more. This tiny cluster of towns was my whole world for a very big part of my childhood. It was the kind of place where you could have scavenger hunts and no one cared if you were running through their yard because they knew you and knew your parents. It was the kind of place where you didn't dare act up because the people in that town all knew your parents and they'd take you back to your house rather than down to the police station. It's a bond...a family. No one outside of these towns ever really understands it and it's not something you can truly explain.
While I love Denver and while this feels like home to me now, I am so torn. Seeing this devastation, I want to be back home helping everyone clean up. I want to be there to hug my "family" and let them know that I'll do whatever I can. I want to be there to bring boxes to them or maybe just a warm meal. It truly pulls at my heart strings that I'm not there with the people that I love so much.
I'm amazed at the heartlessness I've seen on news stories about this event and beyond. People are so busy picking apart whether or not this small town is truly a part of the Chicago metro area or not that they seem to forget that some detail of location like that (which can be argued fairly by either side) isn't the point. The point is that people were affected and lost everything. My opinion to the people arguing over ridiculous details is this: If you aren't going to say something supportive to victims of a natural disaster who OBVIOUSLY did nothing to deserve this, then shut your mouth. If you don't like seeing certain aspects of it in your newsfeed, scroll on by. No one is forcing you to look at anything and CERTAINLY no one needs you to sound off on how this or that is inaccurate, wrong, etc unless you are helping the situation. Please remember that these victims have been through enough and they don't need your criticism. They need your love and help in whatever way you can offer it, even if it means "just" (and I use the quotations because I don't feel it's unimportant AT ALL) praying and sending good vibes.
Saturday, June 20, 2015
My Opinions on the Charleston Church Shootings
There has been a bit of an uproar/movement to take the Confederate flag down from the capitol of South Carolina in the wake of the church shootings and it has finally gotten me to the point that I have to voice my opinion. Gun control lobbyists are having a field day. There's an uproar over every angle of this except looking at the guy himself.
I understand mental health issues are a very real problem in our country (and beyond). Depression, anxiety, bipolar disease, and much more are very serious challenges in people's lives. While there are definitely some major resources available, not everyone can afford to partake in them. Some people struggle day in and day out and I truly feel utter and complete empathy for these souls. It's a hard way to live your life and I do not want to demoralize or downplay their struggles in the least.
I understand that gun laws could use some work. There are a whole lot of things in our country (and beyond) that could from schools to government to roads and everything in between. I am an AVID supporter of our second amendment rights, though, and I do believe that we have the right to own a gun in this country and to protect ourselves with it. I believe that background checks should be necessary BUT I also KNOW that criminals are generally not going into a gun store to get a background check to buy a gun. I understand that concealed weapons make people uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons including the fact that they worry that it okays criminals to have them. But I also KNOW that criminals that are going to carry a gun are going to do it whether it's legal or not. Other citizens should have the right to protect themselves, their families, or others in the case of someone using a weapon in public. Taking guns away from law-abiding citizens is NOT the answer. I've heard it said that a concealed weapon in that church would have saved everyone. There's no guarantee of that but it's a much better chance that some or all of those people might have survived because someone could have intervened in a real way.
I understand that people want to blame parents. It's always the parents' fault when there's some sort of major event like this. The fact is that MOST (not all but most) parents are just doing the best they can. Our culture has become a culture of spoiled, bratty, entitled kids who think that they can do whatever they want without consequences. Maybe the parents do have a part in some of these things and maybe they don't play a big part in others.
I understand that the inclination is to cite all of these law changes but, in my humble opinion, how we punish crimes is what needs to be changed. When there are heinous crimes like this one with such clear evidence, a fast track to the death penalty should be the solution. Decades of prison meals and citizens having to pay for these criminals' care is absurd. For other crimes, there need to be very real consequences instead of everyone getting off on an insanity plea or paying enough money to get themselves out of things. There are cameras everywhere in this country now and plenty of witnesses in a lot of cases. All of these ridiculous appeals going on and on and on is absurd. Real punishments. Period. If people don't think there are severe consequences for their actions or that they can just get off, they develop a superhero complex and think they can do whatever they want and get away with it.
I understand that the Confederate flag is sometimes thought to construe negativity and racism. Having lived in the south, I can honestly say that I encountered plenty of people that flew the Confederate flag proudly that were not in ANY way, shape or form racist. They flew it as a symbol of the South and their pride in their home states. To me, saying that this flag needs to be taken down is as ridiculous as those saying we can't display American flags in other public places. You're reading into it WAY too much and you need to remember that flags are designed to be symbolic of something great and something you're proud of. Are there negative flags to fly? Of course...I don't personally believe the Confederate flag to be one of them.
With all of that being said, here is the reality (in my opinion): This guy did not shoot people over a flag. He didn't shoot people because he was given a gun for his birthday. He didn't shoot people because his parents told him too. He didn't shoot people for any reason other than his own selfish and evil reasons. We need to stop thinking up all of these excuses and understand that sometimes there are REASONS for things that we will never understand but it is not an EXCUSE for someone to behave that way. A reason is an explanation; an excuse indicates that he will not be blamed. He absolutely should. What he did was unthinkable. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families grieving, to the gunman's family (who themselves are probably in a state of grief I hope that I never understand), and to the community in Charleston and all of those affected.
In a final side note (of sorts), I'd like to say the following: How the police handled this man (and I use that term loosely) was not a signal of the police treatment of black vs white. It is being compared to the teenage girl the media has absolutely skyrocketed at the party and other similar cases. Do you want to know the real difference in MOST cases? Resisting arrest. Cooperating with the police is the difference. Period. Most police are not corrupt and most police are not racists. Most police are simply there to do their job. How about we stop trying to incite some sort of race riot and just remember most of those officers risk their lives on a daily basis to protect the citizens of their community and acting a fool is an invitation to be handled in a fashion dictated by the law.
I understand mental health issues are a very real problem in our country (and beyond). Depression, anxiety, bipolar disease, and much more are very serious challenges in people's lives. While there are definitely some major resources available, not everyone can afford to partake in them. Some people struggle day in and day out and I truly feel utter and complete empathy for these souls. It's a hard way to live your life and I do not want to demoralize or downplay their struggles in the least.
I understand that gun laws could use some work. There are a whole lot of things in our country (and beyond) that could from schools to government to roads and everything in between. I am an AVID supporter of our second amendment rights, though, and I do believe that we have the right to own a gun in this country and to protect ourselves with it. I believe that background checks should be necessary BUT I also KNOW that criminals are generally not going into a gun store to get a background check to buy a gun. I understand that concealed weapons make people uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons including the fact that they worry that it okays criminals to have them. But I also KNOW that criminals that are going to carry a gun are going to do it whether it's legal or not. Other citizens should have the right to protect themselves, their families, or others in the case of someone using a weapon in public. Taking guns away from law-abiding citizens is NOT the answer. I've heard it said that a concealed weapon in that church would have saved everyone. There's no guarantee of that but it's a much better chance that some or all of those people might have survived because someone could have intervened in a real way.
I understand that people want to blame parents. It's always the parents' fault when there's some sort of major event like this. The fact is that MOST (not all but most) parents are just doing the best they can. Our culture has become a culture of spoiled, bratty, entitled kids who think that they can do whatever they want without consequences. Maybe the parents do have a part in some of these things and maybe they don't play a big part in others.
I understand that the inclination is to cite all of these law changes but, in my humble opinion, how we punish crimes is what needs to be changed. When there are heinous crimes like this one with such clear evidence, a fast track to the death penalty should be the solution. Decades of prison meals and citizens having to pay for these criminals' care is absurd. For other crimes, there need to be very real consequences instead of everyone getting off on an insanity plea or paying enough money to get themselves out of things. There are cameras everywhere in this country now and plenty of witnesses in a lot of cases. All of these ridiculous appeals going on and on and on is absurd. Real punishments. Period. If people don't think there are severe consequences for their actions or that they can just get off, they develop a superhero complex and think they can do whatever they want and get away with it.
I understand that the Confederate flag is sometimes thought to construe negativity and racism. Having lived in the south, I can honestly say that I encountered plenty of people that flew the Confederate flag proudly that were not in ANY way, shape or form racist. They flew it as a symbol of the South and their pride in their home states. To me, saying that this flag needs to be taken down is as ridiculous as those saying we can't display American flags in other public places. You're reading into it WAY too much and you need to remember that flags are designed to be symbolic of something great and something you're proud of. Are there negative flags to fly? Of course...I don't personally believe the Confederate flag to be one of them.
With all of that being said, here is the reality (in my opinion): This guy did not shoot people over a flag. He didn't shoot people because he was given a gun for his birthday. He didn't shoot people because his parents told him too. He didn't shoot people for any reason other than his own selfish and evil reasons. We need to stop thinking up all of these excuses and understand that sometimes there are REASONS for things that we will never understand but it is not an EXCUSE for someone to behave that way. A reason is an explanation; an excuse indicates that he will not be blamed. He absolutely should. What he did was unthinkable. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families grieving, to the gunman's family (who themselves are probably in a state of grief I hope that I never understand), and to the community in Charleston and all of those affected.
In a final side note (of sorts), I'd like to say the following: How the police handled this man (and I use that term loosely) was not a signal of the police treatment of black vs white. It is being compared to the teenage girl the media has absolutely skyrocketed at the party and other similar cases. Do you want to know the real difference in MOST cases? Resisting arrest. Cooperating with the police is the difference. Period. Most police are not corrupt and most police are not racists. Most police are simply there to do their job. How about we stop trying to incite some sort of race riot and just remember most of those officers risk their lives on a daily basis to protect the citizens of their community and acting a fool is an invitation to be handled in a fashion dictated by the law.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Taking Things for Granted
The expression goes something like this: "Don't take for granted what you have because there is always someone else that would love to be where you're at." I certainly didn't come up with the quote/concept and I'm not even entirely sure who did. What I can definitely say is that it is true. You never know when something or someone could be taken from you.
Don't take your family for granted. Do they drive you crazy? Maybe sometimes they do. Do they nose into your business? Maybe sometimes they do. The fact is that family (whether biological or otherwise as I've previously said) loves you and wants you to succeed. They aren't there to sugar coat advice to you. Even if they make you mad, make it a priority to be there and listen. It doesn't mean you have to take their advice but know that they can be taken from you at any time and their importance to your life would leave you feeling regret more serious than you can imagine.
Don't take your home or anything else for granted. In the blink of an eye, money can be gone and you are left wondering what the heck you're supposed to do. Don't take that security for granted. Help where you can help. Save where you can save. But know that God (or the Universe if that is your belief) can sometimes take things in order to teach you humility. Don't take it for granted.
Don't take your health for granted. The number of terminally ill patients that say, "I wish I'd have known..." is ridiculously high. It's easy to take your health for granted and complain about your aches and pains. Meanwhile a transplant patient is just wishing they could recover enough to go home. A cancer patient is having to say goodbye to their children. Your health is a gift.
I guess what I'm saying is that your problems and issues are no less important because they're smaller but you are still blessed. Everyone has their own life experiences and your problems are still problems. Just attempt (and, believe me, it's hard for me too) to look at the big picture and realize that in the midst of all that is happening, you are blessed.
Don't take your family for granted. Do they drive you crazy? Maybe sometimes they do. Do they nose into your business? Maybe sometimes they do. The fact is that family (whether biological or otherwise as I've previously said) loves you and wants you to succeed. They aren't there to sugar coat advice to you. Even if they make you mad, make it a priority to be there and listen. It doesn't mean you have to take their advice but know that they can be taken from you at any time and their importance to your life would leave you feeling regret more serious than you can imagine.
Don't take your home or anything else for granted. In the blink of an eye, money can be gone and you are left wondering what the heck you're supposed to do. Don't take that security for granted. Help where you can help. Save where you can save. But know that God (or the Universe if that is your belief) can sometimes take things in order to teach you humility. Don't take it for granted.
Don't take your health for granted. The number of terminally ill patients that say, "I wish I'd have known..." is ridiculously high. It's easy to take your health for granted and complain about your aches and pains. Meanwhile a transplant patient is just wishing they could recover enough to go home. A cancer patient is having to say goodbye to their children. Your health is a gift.
I guess what I'm saying is that your problems and issues are no less important because they're smaller but you are still blessed. Everyone has their own life experiences and your problems are still problems. Just attempt (and, believe me, it's hard for me too) to look at the big picture and realize that in the midst of all that is happening, you are blessed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)