Today is the day that people start focusing on resolutions. So what type of resolution keeper are you? Are you the person that makes the resolutions and sticks to them 100% of the time. You are a rarity. Are you the person that makes the resolutions and keeps them for a month or two and then blows them off? Are you the person that swears off resolutions altogether?
I'd like to give you something to think on.....
Instead of a resolution this year, resolve to make a lifestyle change. Make a lifestyle change to exercise more compassion. Make a lifestyle change to exercise more love for others. Make a lifestyle change to exercise more kindness. In all of the aspects that you can, try to be a better person, whatever that looks like.
Let's make 2017 a year to come together as a nation.
Showing posts with label #benice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #benice. Show all posts
Monday, December 26, 2016
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Change Your Perspective
So "Chewbacca Mom" posted a video of her own personal arrangement of Michael Jackson's "Heal the World." Honestly, I went into it skeptical. I don't follow her and got ill of all the media hype surrounding her quite quickly that led to her charging for autographs. That said, I viewed it and it was a beautiful and humbling reminder of exactly what our world needs. You see, she has it right: we need to spread joy, not hate.
Here is a link to view her performance....
Chewbacca Mom sings "Heal the World"
In a world where we are so wrapped up in terrifying news on a daily basis, this really is what our world needs. No, I'm not naive enough to believe that love and joy is the key to stopping terrorism. I'm not naive enough to believe that love is all that's needed to fix everything...but it's a start.
My mantra lately has been "Be the Change You Want to See." (it's a portion of a quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi). Joy won't fix everything but it won't hurt. Joy won't heal everyone but if it heals just one person, isn't it worth it? Joy won't stop hate but if it deters just one person from being hateful, isn't it worth it? Paying it forward may not change the world but it might change the course of one person's day. What do we achieve by spreading hate?
If you don't know where to start, start small. Smile at strangers. Compliment someone with a true compliment. Tell your family you love them and how special they are to you. Give a burger to a homeless person. As you start to see that one tiny thing can change the course of a person's day, you'll want to do even more. Your deeds will get bigger and bigger and soon, you'll be spreading the positivity to others too.
Change your perspective, change your life
Here is a link to view her performance....
Chewbacca Mom sings "Heal the World"
In a world where we are so wrapped up in terrifying news on a daily basis, this really is what our world needs. No, I'm not naive enough to believe that love and joy is the key to stopping terrorism. I'm not naive enough to believe that love is all that's needed to fix everything...but it's a start.
My mantra lately has been "Be the Change You Want to See." (it's a portion of a quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi). Joy won't fix everything but it won't hurt. Joy won't heal everyone but if it heals just one person, isn't it worth it? Joy won't stop hate but if it deters just one person from being hateful, isn't it worth it? Paying it forward may not change the world but it might change the course of one person's day. What do we achieve by spreading hate?
If you don't know where to start, start small. Smile at strangers. Compliment someone with a true compliment. Tell your family you love them and how special they are to you. Give a burger to a homeless person. As you start to see that one tiny thing can change the course of a person's day, you'll want to do even more. Your deeds will get bigger and bigger and soon, you'll be spreading the positivity to others too.
Change your perspective, change your life
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Stop Generalizing
Let me preface this whole post by saying that I love people that promote positivity. I also love to see when people try to fix what's broken in a relationship of any kind, whether it's a parent, siblings or anyone else. I love when people give advice to empower people but not to boss them around. In short, I like to see people receive a different perspective but not be told what to do like mindless zombies. Even if I don't agree with the choices that are made, I'd rather see someone make a decision on their own with a full education/perspective on the topic.
Here goes....
While I am all for sharing your life experiences and what you've learned, I'd like to make a tiny request to those that are seasoned bloggers: please stop generalizing when it comes to people's long term relationships and marriages. Some of the generalizations you make can actually be quite dangerous. Allow me to explain.
Every relationship machine (if you will) works with different cogs. What works with one couple might be toxic to another. For example, in one couple where a man watches sports for several hours a day, the wife might feel neglected, frustrated and angry and accuse him of having a sports "addiction." In another couple, the wife of a similar man might feel like this is her alone time and put limits on his viewing habits but still allow him to watch daily. In yet another relationship, the wife might be equally as into sports and might view his viewing habits as a positive thing. You see, the "problem" (a man that watches sports several times a day) isn't a problem in every relationship. In some relationships, it can actually be a bonding experience. When a popular blogger/celebrity chooses to make a generalization regarding what's toxic to a relationship, they influence the thoughts of those that value that blogger/celebrity's opinion. The reader, then, begins to be more easily offended by their significant other and BOOM....a relationship starts having issues it didn't previously have because of an outsider's opinion (albeit one that the blogger didn't intend to cause).
When a blogger declares a behavior "dangerous" in a relationship, they aren't considering the actual meaning of the word. They aren't considering the implications that this word causes. When a reader sees the word "dangerous," it triggers their defense mechanism. "Red flag" does the same thing. My belief is that, when talking about relationships, these words should be reserved for abusive or negligent behaviors. And no, I'm not referring to your feelings being hurt. I'm referring to actual abuse and negligence such as physical assault or threat of physical assault, emotional abuse (extreme name calling, belittling, threats, etc) and other such behavior. You see, these are actually documented dangerous behaviors. "Danger" is not an opinion in this instance; it's a fact.
Another irksome phrase used by bloggers is that people don't change. This just isn't true. People can't change who they are at their core; that's true. They can, however, change their habits. Most things that these relationship bloggers are talking about are habits, not characteristics. Will your significant other change because you yell at them? No. Will they change because you bully or nag them? No. Can they change their habits because they choose to? Yes, I believe they can. Change requires dedication to the cause and prioritizing. I don't believe it's impossible, though. Why? Because you see it every day with addicts. You see it every day with people that have gone to jail. You see it in churches. You see it everywhere. People hit rock bottom and change their habits in order to improve their quality of life. The idea that "people don't change" is a completely unfounded and partially false statement. They can change...but they have to want to do it.
A final one that I'd like to touch on is that "all men are" or "all women are" a certain way (or any other phrase of the like). Here are some truths about "all men".... they have a penis, they have more testosterone than a woman. The end. Here are some truths about "all women".... they have a vagina and more estrogen than men. The end. All men are not dogs. All women are not crazy. I could go on and on. Please, please, please stop saying using these phrases. Just because your ex-wife cheated on you doesn't mean all women cheat. Just because your ex-husband bullied you doesn't mean that all men do that. Just because your ex girlfriend belittled you constantly doesn't mean all women do that. Just because your ex boyfriend relentlessly flirted with anything with boobs doesn't mean every guy does it. Stop creating drama that doesn't exist.
Look, I've been through a divorce. I've had breakups. I know how challenging it can be to deal with the emotions. However, I don't think it's a reason to encourage others to create drama in their own relationships. Please, bloggers, use your influence to increase positivity. Please encourage people to be their very best...don't create drama that doesn't need to be there. You never know whose life you're changing with your words.
***I'm not simply blaming bloggers and celebrities. Realistically, no one should be basing their relationships on what they read. With that said, bloggers are well aware of the influence they have on their readers. This is a perspective to consider
Monday, June 20, 2016
Hate Breeds Hate; it will never change the world
One of the biggest things that I've had to learn in my adult years is that before I assume something based on limited information, I should research all sides of it. It has led me to learn more about other cultures, religions, and people, in general. I don't want to just assume because of what someone has told me. I don't just want to form an opinion to be part of a crowd. I want to learn about the differences that people have so that I can also find the things that we share. Why is this so important to me? Because.....
Hate will NEVER create more love; it only creates more hate.
In the vast majority of cases, hatred is caused by ignorance. People don't care to educate themselves on something so they just choose to dislike it instead. It's the adult equivalent of kids not wanting to eat their veggies: it's different and they assume they won't like it so they won't touch it. We tend, as adults, to sometimes decide that we don't like something without even having all of the information. We don't want to take the time to learn about it. We feel like different is hard, different is bad. We preach about changing the world but we forget that changing the world would require changes in ourselves and in our lives.....differences.
One of the biggest clashes of late seems to be religion (though this argument has been around since the dawn of time) or lack thereof. It exists in all religions, to some extent. After all religion is based on faith. In short, you believe that what/who you worship will bring good things into your life. You also believe, though, that every other religion has it wrong. Some religions believe that all other religions are below them. Some religions believe that we are all equal. Some believe only believers will get into Heaven, some believe in only chosen people getting there, some believe that you have to earn your way there and some believe that there isn't an afterlife because of reincarnation. Every religion believes that they are the only one that is right. Atheists believe there is no god. Agnostics are unsure of the existence of God.
Then there are those of us that exist without specific religion. I am a Christian and, yet, I don't particularly like the idea of organized religion because of how corrupt it has become. I don't expect everyone to believe as I believe. In fact, I believe that God speaks to different people in very different ways. Why would he do that? Simple...God created us to be such extraordinarily different people that he needs to speak to us in extraordinarily different ways. I believe that it is much the same as how parents of multiple children have to encourage and discipline different kids. You see, we all feel and express love a little bit differently.
Religious people can often have a tendency to be judgmental. They blame it on a book or their belief system. If you do this, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion). If you don't do that, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion). Then, add in atheists and agnostics who love to sound off on whether or not you're a good enough Christian (for example) because you do or don't do this or that. And what it all comes down to is ignorance. None of us know enough to truly make a solid judgment. We just don't. All we are doing by spreading this judgement on whether a person or a religion is right or wrong is spreading hatred....making a bigger precipice to fall into.
What if we all just took the time to learn? Instead of assuming that all Christians are this or all Muslims are that or all Buddhists are this way or all Jewish people are that way, what if we truly took the time to learn? What if we immersed ourselves in learning? What if we read what they read without assumptions? What if we TALKED to people of that faith and learned about what they believe and what they practice? What if we learned about their holidays and customs? What if we learned about their stances on the very issues that we make assumptions on now? What if we battled intolerance with education? What if we stopped being ignorant and started being intelligent?
You see, we will never change the world by hiding in a hole, believing that we already have all of the information that we will ever need by the time we are adults. We will only change the world when we change ourselves and dedicate our lives to learning.
Hate will NEVER create more love; it only creates more hate.
In the vast majority of cases, hatred is caused by ignorance. People don't care to educate themselves on something so they just choose to dislike it instead. It's the adult equivalent of kids not wanting to eat their veggies: it's different and they assume they won't like it so they won't touch it. We tend, as adults, to sometimes decide that we don't like something without even having all of the information. We don't want to take the time to learn about it. We feel like different is hard, different is bad. We preach about changing the world but we forget that changing the world would require changes in ourselves and in our lives.....differences.
One of the biggest clashes of late seems to be religion (though this argument has been around since the dawn of time) or lack thereof. It exists in all religions, to some extent. After all religion is based on faith. In short, you believe that what/who you worship will bring good things into your life. You also believe, though, that every other religion has it wrong. Some religions believe that all other religions are below them. Some religions believe that we are all equal. Some believe only believers will get into Heaven, some believe in only chosen people getting there, some believe that you have to earn your way there and some believe that there isn't an afterlife because of reincarnation. Every religion believes that they are the only one that is right. Atheists believe there is no god. Agnostics are unsure of the existence of God.
Then there are those of us that exist without specific religion. I am a Christian and, yet, I don't particularly like the idea of organized religion because of how corrupt it has become. I don't expect everyone to believe as I believe. In fact, I believe that God speaks to different people in very different ways. Why would he do that? Simple...God created us to be such extraordinarily different people that he needs to speak to us in extraordinarily different ways. I believe that it is much the same as how parents of multiple children have to encourage and discipline different kids. You see, we all feel and express love a little bit differently.
Religious people can often have a tendency to be judgmental. They blame it on a book or their belief system. If you do this, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion). If you don't do that, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion). Then, add in atheists and agnostics who love to sound off on whether or not you're a good enough Christian (for example) because you do or don't do this or that. And what it all comes down to is ignorance. None of us know enough to truly make a solid judgment. We just don't. All we are doing by spreading this judgement on whether a person or a religion is right or wrong is spreading hatred....making a bigger precipice to fall into.
What if we all just took the time to learn? Instead of assuming that all Christians are this or all Muslims are that or all Buddhists are this way or all Jewish people are that way, what if we truly took the time to learn? What if we immersed ourselves in learning? What if we read what they read without assumptions? What if we TALKED to people of that faith and learned about what they believe and what they practice? What if we learned about their holidays and customs? What if we learned about their stances on the very issues that we make assumptions on now? What if we battled intolerance with education? What if we stopped being ignorant and started being intelligent?
You see, we will never change the world by hiding in a hole, believing that we already have all of the information that we will ever need by the time we are adults. We will only change the world when we change ourselves and dedicate our lives to learning.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
5 Things You Can Teach Your Child to Make Them a Better Person
There are 5 things I believe that you can teach your kids VERY young that will make all the difference in their social relationships as they grow. We have no real control over what our children "become" as an adult but we can definitely impact their hearts and help them to be better people as they grow.
1. Compassion: Some kids are more compassionate than others, by nature. However, even those that aren't compassionate at their core can be taught some level of compassion. Volunteer. Do things that teach children that the world is bigger than their little bubble. Teach them to try to help when they can. Teach them to care when someone else hurts.
2. Integrity. Teach your children that it doesn't matter who's watching...it matters what you know in your heart. Most of the time, kids know right from wrong, on some level. The fact is that they are often "taught" by peers to hide things from adults and do wrong anyway. Teach your children not only to do what's right at their core but to encourage others to do it too.
3. Honesty. Teach them that it's better to tell the truth than it is to lie. Encourage them to understand that even if honesty gets them into a little bit of trouble, they'd be in more trouble if they lie. Encourage them to understand that honesty breeds trust and trust is essential in almost every relationship you have.
4. Personal responsibility. This is a big one. Instead of placing blame, accept the responsibility for what you've done wrong. A good portion of our country's issues is lack of personal responsibility. People seem to be more inclined to place blame and make excuses than they are to admit they've made a mistake. Mistakes happen...you learn from them. But, as Dr Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."
5. Respect. This can span a wide road. Yes, it applies to manners. Yes it applies to listening to teachers, etc. But this also is about respecting themselves. It's about respect others, in general. It's about understanding that people will have different opinions. It's understanding that others may choose a different lifestyle than you do and that's okay. It's understanding that the choices people make aren't who they are (though that does not mean the choices are without consequence, in some cases). It's about respect for life, as a whole.
These 5 things don't guarantee that someone will become a good person. They don't guarantee that they'll make good choices or end up successful. What it does guarantee is that this, combined with love, will get your child started on a great track.
1. Compassion: Some kids are more compassionate than others, by nature. However, even those that aren't compassionate at their core can be taught some level of compassion. Volunteer. Do things that teach children that the world is bigger than their little bubble. Teach them to try to help when they can. Teach them to care when someone else hurts.
2. Integrity. Teach your children that it doesn't matter who's watching...it matters what you know in your heart. Most of the time, kids know right from wrong, on some level. The fact is that they are often "taught" by peers to hide things from adults and do wrong anyway. Teach your children not only to do what's right at their core but to encourage others to do it too.
3. Honesty. Teach them that it's better to tell the truth than it is to lie. Encourage them to understand that even if honesty gets them into a little bit of trouble, they'd be in more trouble if they lie. Encourage them to understand that honesty breeds trust and trust is essential in almost every relationship you have.
4. Personal responsibility. This is a big one. Instead of placing blame, accept the responsibility for what you've done wrong. A good portion of our country's issues is lack of personal responsibility. People seem to be more inclined to place blame and make excuses than they are to admit they've made a mistake. Mistakes happen...you learn from them. But, as Dr Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."
5. Respect. This can span a wide road. Yes, it applies to manners. Yes it applies to listening to teachers, etc. But this also is about respecting themselves. It's about respect others, in general. It's about understanding that people will have different opinions. It's understanding that others may choose a different lifestyle than you do and that's okay. It's understanding that the choices people make aren't who they are (though that does not mean the choices are without consequence, in some cases). It's about respect for life, as a whole.
These 5 things don't guarantee that someone will become a good person. They don't guarantee that they'll make good choices or end up successful. What it does guarantee is that this, combined with love, will get your child started on a great track.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
"Mean Kids"
If you ask my kids about "mean kids," they will likely roll their eyes and repeat the talk we've had a million times: "Mean kids are often the kids that need your kindness the most." It's a mantra we repeat over and over. It's kind of a nicer, simpler way of saying, "Kill em with kindness." It's something we talk about frequently for a number of reasons. I truly believe that about 90% of "mean kids" in elementary school (and sometimes beyond) are kids that have had some challenges. These challenges can range from lack of self confidence to abuse at home. In short, they aren't "mean", they're in need of kindness.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
Monday, May 23, 2016
Rec League Sports Parents
As a sports mama, I have to say that I'm amazed at the audacity of people in the crowds of rec leagues. I completely understand the competitive nature that lives inside of all of us (some more than others) but I'm floored at the language and actions of the parents, family and friends of those watching rec leagues. Here are my feelings on the topic....
1. It is NEVER okay to insult another player on your team or your opponent's. NEVER. You absolutely may not treat these kids like they fall under your little insult umbrella because you're unhappy with their play. It's a rec league. Stop it. Seriously.
2. No one is more passionate about sports than this mama but passion means respect for the sport and the athletes playing it. Stop acting like you're some damn NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL coach. Seriously.
3. Respect the coaches. Most of the time, these coaches are volunteers. Their concern is more for making sure that the kids involved have fun, get a chance to play and learn to love the game.
4. Respect the refs. Against, mostly volunteers. Everyone makes mistakes, folks. It's a rec league, it's not the NHL playoffs.
5. Cheer for your team...your WHOLE team. I don't care if they never hit a ball or drop the ball every time it's hit to them. Cheer for them anyway.
Here are 10 things you should NEVER do as a rec league sports parent....
1. NEVER boo the other team. Seriously, sometimes where they get put is just luck of the draw. These kids do not deserve to be boo'ed. They're doing their best.
2. NEVER boo anyone on your own team. Yes, I've seen this happen. No, it's not okay. Ever.
3. NEVER yell at your coach for letting everyone play. That's their "job." How else are these kids going to learn?
4. NEVER yell at your kid on the field, sidelines or bench. I'm sorry but it's never okay to humiliate them while they're in the middle of a game.
5. NEVER yell at the refs. This is not professional sports, folks. Sometimes they miss the call. It's not the end of the world.
6. NEVER throw things on the field. Yup, I've seen this too.
7. NEVER trash talk kids in the stands. First of all, we don't like to hear our kids trash talked. Secondly, we don't like to hear other kids trash talked. Third, you're a douche if you do this.
8. NEVER encourage your kid to cheat. Yup, I"ve seen it.
9. NEVER encourage your child to hurt someone else. Sadly, seen this too.
10. NEVER forget that this is not a professional league. Your kids aren't getting paid and this isn't for a scholarship. They're learning and having fun.
Here are 5 things you ABSOLUTELY should do as a rec league sports parent....
1. Give a cheer for EVERYONE. Yes, I understand your team is playing an opponent but it's perfectly okay to say, "Great catch" or "Nice throw" to an opponent's child. It certainly doesn't hurt your team and, let's face it, you may just make that kid's day.
2. Teach your kid to be a good sport. If you're winning, you're not taunting the other team. If you're losing, you're not acting like a brat about it. and you ALWAYS go shake hands after the game.
3. Let the coach know you're behind them. Tell your coach you appreciate them. They're likely volunteering their time and energy being there.
4. Let the refs know you respect their calls. Period.
5. Remember that your kids are playing to learn to love the game. Remember that they're learning the rules and techniques on how to be a better player. Down the road, maybe you can cheer for them in a professional game. For now, just be glad they're making effort, working hard and your support means more to them than anything else.
1. It is NEVER okay to insult another player on your team or your opponent's. NEVER. You absolutely may not treat these kids like they fall under your little insult umbrella because you're unhappy with their play. It's a rec league. Stop it. Seriously.
2. No one is more passionate about sports than this mama but passion means respect for the sport and the athletes playing it. Stop acting like you're some damn NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL coach. Seriously.
3. Respect the coaches. Most of the time, these coaches are volunteers. Their concern is more for making sure that the kids involved have fun, get a chance to play and learn to love the game.
4. Respect the refs. Against, mostly volunteers. Everyone makes mistakes, folks. It's a rec league, it's not the NHL playoffs.
5. Cheer for your team...your WHOLE team. I don't care if they never hit a ball or drop the ball every time it's hit to them. Cheer for them anyway.
Here are 10 things you should NEVER do as a rec league sports parent....
1. NEVER boo the other team. Seriously, sometimes where they get put is just luck of the draw. These kids do not deserve to be boo'ed. They're doing their best.
2. NEVER boo anyone on your own team. Yes, I've seen this happen. No, it's not okay. Ever.
3. NEVER yell at your coach for letting everyone play. That's their "job." How else are these kids going to learn?
4. NEVER yell at your kid on the field, sidelines or bench. I'm sorry but it's never okay to humiliate them while they're in the middle of a game.
5. NEVER yell at the refs. This is not professional sports, folks. Sometimes they miss the call. It's not the end of the world.
6. NEVER throw things on the field. Yup, I've seen this too.
7. NEVER trash talk kids in the stands. First of all, we don't like to hear our kids trash talked. Secondly, we don't like to hear other kids trash talked. Third, you're a douche if you do this.
8. NEVER encourage your kid to cheat. Yup, I"ve seen it.
9. NEVER encourage your child to hurt someone else. Sadly, seen this too.
10. NEVER forget that this is not a professional league. Your kids aren't getting paid and this isn't for a scholarship. They're learning and having fun.
Here are 5 things you ABSOLUTELY should do as a rec league sports parent....
1. Give a cheer for EVERYONE. Yes, I understand your team is playing an opponent but it's perfectly okay to say, "Great catch" or "Nice throw" to an opponent's child. It certainly doesn't hurt your team and, let's face it, you may just make that kid's day.
2. Teach your kid to be a good sport. If you're winning, you're not taunting the other team. If you're losing, you're not acting like a brat about it. and you ALWAYS go shake hands after the game.
3. Let the coach know you're behind them. Tell your coach you appreciate them. They're likely volunteering their time and energy being there.
4. Let the refs know you respect their calls. Period.
5. Remember that your kids are playing to learn to love the game. Remember that they're learning the rules and techniques on how to be a better player. Down the road, maybe you can cheer for them in a professional game. For now, just be glad they're making effort, working hard and your support means more to them than anything else.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Open Letter to Working Moms / Open Letter to Stay at Home Moms
Dear Working Mom,
You're doing great! You probably wish you didn't have to work or, at least, not so much. You probably wish that you could be at all of those functions at your kids' school or that you didn't miss a first word or step. In this, I mourn with you. I mourn the times that I miss with my kids just as much as you mourn your time lost. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with sadness over not being there, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every single moment you have with them. Even if you're tired, you're still fighting a great battle. You may not be able to provide quantity, but you're providing them quality time. You may never have time for yourself but you make time for them. You may feel like you're not doing enough but, Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up, Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you think you slacked because you bought cookies instead of making them, your kids are proud to bring in something to donate to their classroom party. On the days when you're feeling defeated and you just throw a frozen pizza in the oven, your kids are excited that they get pizza for dinner. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
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Dear Stay at Home Mom,
You're doing great! You probably wish you could have a break...even if it's just for a couple of hours. You're wishing that you could take a bath or go to the bathroom in peace just one time. In this, I feel your pain. I feel for you every single time that you have a moment of complete frazzled craziness and hit your breaking point. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with stress, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every moment you have with them. I know you're tired, Mama. I know you never get a break. I know you're juggling a million jobs and you almost never get the recognition that you truly deserve. I know that you're kicking butt and taking names and it feels like there's no reward for it besides the smiles of your kids....and more work. You may feel like you're not doing enough but Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you're sitting in a house full of unvacuumed carpet, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry and you feel like you've failed, you're looking at kids that have had true time filled with real life learning and bonding that they'd never get anywhere else. On the days when you're feeling exhausted and guilty for putting them in front of a movie just to get something done, they're excited that they get to watch a movie for no reason at all. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
I think that both of these types of mamas need to hear this every now and then :)
You're doing great! You probably wish you didn't have to work or, at least, not so much. You probably wish that you could be at all of those functions at your kids' school or that you didn't miss a first word or step. In this, I mourn with you. I mourn the times that I miss with my kids just as much as you mourn your time lost. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with sadness over not being there, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every single moment you have with them. Even if you're tired, you're still fighting a great battle. You may not be able to provide quantity, but you're providing them quality time. You may never have time for yourself but you make time for them. You may feel like you're not doing enough but, Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up, Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you think you slacked because you bought cookies instead of making them, your kids are proud to bring in something to donate to their classroom party. On the days when you're feeling defeated and you just throw a frozen pizza in the oven, your kids are excited that they get pizza for dinner. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
************************
Dear Stay at Home Mom,
You're doing great! You probably wish you could have a break...even if it's just for a couple of hours. You're wishing that you could take a bath or go to the bathroom in peace just one time. In this, I feel your pain. I feel for you every single time that you have a moment of complete frazzled craziness and hit your breaking point. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with stress, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every moment you have with them. I know you're tired, Mama. I know you never get a break. I know you're juggling a million jobs and you almost never get the recognition that you truly deserve. I know that you're kicking butt and taking names and it feels like there's no reward for it besides the smiles of your kids....and more work. You may feel like you're not doing enough but Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you're sitting in a house full of unvacuumed carpet, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry and you feel like you've failed, you're looking at kids that have had true time filled with real life learning and bonding that they'd never get anywhere else. On the days when you're feeling exhausted and guilty for putting them in front of a movie just to get something done, they're excited that they get to watch a movie for no reason at all. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
I think that both of these types of mamas need to hear this every now and then :)
Monday, July 6, 2015
Three Parts that Make Your Relationship Run More Smoothly
There are three components that I believe contribute largely to successful relationships (though they are clearly only part of a larger working machine) that I think are too often overlooked. Some of the idea of my component list comes from observation, some from personal experience and some from just pondering on life. Without further ado, components that contribute largely to successful relationships:
The ability to say "Thank you" and "I'm Sorry". These seem like really simple phrases but they are, often, pushed aside when you're truly comfortable with someone. The words "thank you" convey appreciation and, in my opinion, love. It shows that you are truly realizing that someone's effort went into doing something for you (big or small) and you are thankful. This can make a world of difference. Remember that there are a lot of times that your family/friend/lover has had a day outside of your presence and they might just need a soft place to fall. "Thank you" can change a stressful day to a peaceful heart that feels loved. Some days it can be the turning point.
The words "I'm sorry" are important to me personally. I believe that saying "I'm sorry" indicates that you plan to change your behavior. This is important for a couple of reasons. First of all, the sheer sentiment of saying that you're sorry means that you're admitting that you did wrong. It might have just led to hurt feelings but it might have also led to something bigger and more traumatic. Secondly, the words indicate that not only do you understand that you did something wrong but that you intend to do your best to not do it again. This builds trust (when you truly back up your words with your actions). Finally, it can indicate that you plan to try to fix the wrong done by the behavior. Even if you can't succeed at reversing what was done, you can always do something wonderful and amazing just by showing that you want to try.
Encourage them to be who they are and be their biggest fan. Again, it sounds simple enough. When you fall for someone, all you can do is brag on them. Unfortunately, it seems that this fades over time for a lot of people. Appreciating someone on a daily basis makes a big difference. Focusing on their good qualities and encouraging them to grow in those areas is a true sign of love. Choosing not to criticize or critique but instead to encourage and build up is a truly wonderful way to show someone true love. While it is important that you share some interests, your family/friends/lover is going to have things that they love that make them unique. Chances are, they are truly passionate about something and showing them that you are their biggest fan when it comes to that passion will make them feel an overwhelming love. The most successful couples I've observed have enjoyed spending time together but have given each other not only the space but the encouragement to do something wonderful on their own as well. Be their confidence when they're feeling discouraged. Be their patience when they're frustrated at not being able to advance. Show them that they have a fan no matter what.
Learn how they feel loved and focus on trying to exercise that method. There is a wonderful series of books about "The Five Love Languages" that I fully recommend to everyone I know. Finding out how people feel loved can make a huge difference. If your lover feels loved when you touch them and you are showing your love by buying them things, it's not going to feel like love to them. I encourage everyone to read these books and truly find out what those you love have as a love language. I have found that it changes your relationships all around. It can make the difference between the love that they feel from someone else and a love that truly envelopes them in whatever kind of affection they need.
Again, these are not the only cogs in a relationship machine but they can truly make an astounding difference in your relationships with your loved ones. Try practicing them for awhile and see what a difference it makes.
The ability to say "Thank you" and "I'm Sorry". These seem like really simple phrases but they are, often, pushed aside when you're truly comfortable with someone. The words "thank you" convey appreciation and, in my opinion, love. It shows that you are truly realizing that someone's effort went into doing something for you (big or small) and you are thankful. This can make a world of difference. Remember that there are a lot of times that your family/friend/lover has had a day outside of your presence and they might just need a soft place to fall. "Thank you" can change a stressful day to a peaceful heart that feels loved. Some days it can be the turning point.
The words "I'm sorry" are important to me personally. I believe that saying "I'm sorry" indicates that you plan to change your behavior. This is important for a couple of reasons. First of all, the sheer sentiment of saying that you're sorry means that you're admitting that you did wrong. It might have just led to hurt feelings but it might have also led to something bigger and more traumatic. Secondly, the words indicate that not only do you understand that you did something wrong but that you intend to do your best to not do it again. This builds trust (when you truly back up your words with your actions). Finally, it can indicate that you plan to try to fix the wrong done by the behavior. Even if you can't succeed at reversing what was done, you can always do something wonderful and amazing just by showing that you want to try.
Encourage them to be who they are and be their biggest fan. Again, it sounds simple enough. When you fall for someone, all you can do is brag on them. Unfortunately, it seems that this fades over time for a lot of people. Appreciating someone on a daily basis makes a big difference. Focusing on their good qualities and encouraging them to grow in those areas is a true sign of love. Choosing not to criticize or critique but instead to encourage and build up is a truly wonderful way to show someone true love. While it is important that you share some interests, your family/friends/lover is going to have things that they love that make them unique. Chances are, they are truly passionate about something and showing them that you are their biggest fan when it comes to that passion will make them feel an overwhelming love. The most successful couples I've observed have enjoyed spending time together but have given each other not only the space but the encouragement to do something wonderful on their own as well. Be their confidence when they're feeling discouraged. Be their patience when they're frustrated at not being able to advance. Show them that they have a fan no matter what.
Learn how they feel loved and focus on trying to exercise that method. There is a wonderful series of books about "The Five Love Languages" that I fully recommend to everyone I know. Finding out how people feel loved can make a huge difference. If your lover feels loved when you touch them and you are showing your love by buying them things, it's not going to feel like love to them. I encourage everyone to read these books and truly find out what those you love have as a love language. I have found that it changes your relationships all around. It can make the difference between the love that they feel from someone else and a love that truly envelopes them in whatever kind of affection they need.
Again, these are not the only cogs in a relationship machine but they can truly make an astounding difference in your relationships with your loved ones. Try practicing them for awhile and see what a difference it makes.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Common Consideration and Courtesy
The Disney version of "Bambi" has a line that sums up how people in this world should live their lives: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." (Ignore the double negative for the sake of quoting accurately). Common consideration and courtesy seem to have been thrown out the window for a large group of people in our country. This mama has some opinions on the topic:
First of all, in the vast majority of cases NO ONE ASKED YOU. If someone asks you for your honest opinion, by all means, share. If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut unless it is harming you or someone else (and don't be the sarcastic jackass that says that someone's loud shirt is hurting your eyes.) I don't know if you know this or not but we are on a planet that is part of a solar system that ALL revolve around one source....that source is NOT you! Your opinions on Sally Sue's church dress may be important to your friends but Sally Sue does not need to hear negativity. At what point did the people in our society become so full of themselves that they don't realize that not everyone wants to hear them spew their destructive filth into the world?
Secondly, if you're not being productive with your speech, shut your mouth. What I mean by this is that if you're going to use your words to tell someone how they're ugly, too fat or too thin, have a big nose, can't sing (etc) then you are not using your words for productive purpose. If you're asked to judge a beauty pageant, you can voice your opinions on someone's appearance. Otherwise, shut it! You can think it all you want but no one wants or needs to hear it. We wonder why there is a generation of bullies and self conscious people. When our society seems to encourage kids and adults alike to be critical, we are feeding into it daily.
Thirdly, if your argument on a topic is to correct someone's grammar, you have no argument. Realistically speaking, debate is healthy when both parties are handling it with respect and dignity. When you start attacking someone's character, you're out of arguments. When you start criticizing their grammar, you're past that.
My next point would be that tact is still a "thing" in the 21st century. I'm not suggesting that you blow sunshine up people's butts but let's be realistic: there is a time and a place to say something if you absolutely MUST say something critical. There is a way to say something that might make someone you love feel mad/sad and it's not to publically berate or belittle them. Tact is still something that should be practiced. This isn't necessarily for anyone else's benefit but your own.
Finally, I would say the following: The I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think mentality is poisoning our society. Now I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should be people pleasers, constantly concerned with whether or not everyone likes us. What I am saying is that when our society, as a whole, stopped caring about what "everyone" thought, we seem to have lost accountability for any of our actions. We seem to have forgotten that our nation is supposed to be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" not a bunch of jackasses yelling at each other under a variety of beliefs and non beliefs. I, personally, don't believe that the "under God" part of that was about being a certain religion but about being one voice against anyone that would dare to come against our great country. When we lose accountability and spend all of our time harping at one another, we seem to lose something in the translation.
It's a very fixable problem that we have in our society. Make an effort to make what comes out of your mouth count. Make it something that will HELP our nation build stronger and not something that will tear down its citizens. You can be the start of a trend that will change the world for the better.
First of all, in the vast majority of cases NO ONE ASKED YOU. If someone asks you for your honest opinion, by all means, share. If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut unless it is harming you or someone else (and don't be the sarcastic jackass that says that someone's loud shirt is hurting your eyes.) I don't know if you know this or not but we are on a planet that is part of a solar system that ALL revolve around one source....that source is NOT you! Your opinions on Sally Sue's church dress may be important to your friends but Sally Sue does not need to hear negativity. At what point did the people in our society become so full of themselves that they don't realize that not everyone wants to hear them spew their destructive filth into the world?
Secondly, if you're not being productive with your speech, shut your mouth. What I mean by this is that if you're going to use your words to tell someone how they're ugly, too fat or too thin, have a big nose, can't sing (etc) then you are not using your words for productive purpose. If you're asked to judge a beauty pageant, you can voice your opinions on someone's appearance. Otherwise, shut it! You can think it all you want but no one wants or needs to hear it. We wonder why there is a generation of bullies and self conscious people. When our society seems to encourage kids and adults alike to be critical, we are feeding into it daily.
Thirdly, if your argument on a topic is to correct someone's grammar, you have no argument. Realistically speaking, debate is healthy when both parties are handling it with respect and dignity. When you start attacking someone's character, you're out of arguments. When you start criticizing their grammar, you're past that.
My next point would be that tact is still a "thing" in the 21st century. I'm not suggesting that you blow sunshine up people's butts but let's be realistic: there is a time and a place to say something if you absolutely MUST say something critical. There is a way to say something that might make someone you love feel mad/sad and it's not to publically berate or belittle them. Tact is still something that should be practiced. This isn't necessarily for anyone else's benefit but your own.
Finally, I would say the following: The I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think mentality is poisoning our society. Now I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should be people pleasers, constantly concerned with whether or not everyone likes us. What I am saying is that when our society, as a whole, stopped caring about what "everyone" thought, we seem to have lost accountability for any of our actions. We seem to have forgotten that our nation is supposed to be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" not a bunch of jackasses yelling at each other under a variety of beliefs and non beliefs. I, personally, don't believe that the "under God" part of that was about being a certain religion but about being one voice against anyone that would dare to come against our great country. When we lose accountability and spend all of our time harping at one another, we seem to lose something in the translation.
It's a very fixable problem that we have in our society. Make an effort to make what comes out of your mouth count. Make it something that will HELP our nation build stronger and not something that will tear down its citizens. You can be the start of a trend that will change the world for the better.
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