Naysayers

As you walk your journey in life, people are not always going to be on your side.  There will be naysayers who tell you that you can't do what you are striving for.  There will be critics that will find a way to crap on your dream no matter how great it is.  There will be negative nellies that tell you that you can't do it.  There will be doubters to tell you that you aren't capable.

Don't let their rancid attitudes steal your dream.

Their attitudes say more about THEM than YOU.  They are so unhappy with their lives that they want to make everyone else miserable.  They want to push you off your mountain that you've worked so hard to climb because if you are truly as successful as you know that you'll be, it will make them feel like a failure.  They don't understand anything about your journey and they don't want to.

They are not your ruler by which to measure success.

You are worth so much more.  You are capable of so much more.  You are unique and wonderful in more ways than these boo-ers will ever understand.  Ignore them.  Smile and nod and let them feel like they're saying something and then move on.  You are remarkable and you don't need the validation of anyone else to let you know that.

Keep being you.  You're doing great!

Bullying Solutions

I saw a meme today saying that we are raising a generation of sissies.  I agree.  What I didn't agree on was the fact that the meme simply states "Bullying happens."  No, no it doesn't "happen."  Bullying is an action; it's a choice.  It doesn't just "happen."  While I feel that it's important to teach our kids how to defend themselves, it is NOT  the solution to teach them that fighting is a way to solve things.  Almost any martial arts (or similar activity) will tell you that you learning how to defend yourself doesn't mean you jump on everyone that comes by; you use it only when you NEED to.  Defense is about protecting yourself if someone is attacking.

We definitely need to teach our children how to protect themselves but we need to teach them how to advocate for themselves, too.  We need to teach them how to handle it when someone even STARTS bullying; before it moves further along.

More than that, we need to step up as a society.  We need to stop accepting it as if it's normal.  We need to start calling out our children if they bully.  It's not okay to bully ANYONE....ever.  We need to stop letting our children believe that they can pick and choose who they need to treat with respect.  We need to okay our schools to step up and handle it, even if it means that your child may be the one that gets punished.  We need to be on top of this.  It won't happen overnight but it needs to happen.

While I fully agree that we are raising sissies, we don't need to raise bullies either.  Let's focus on raising kids who treat everyone with dignity and respect.

"A Girl Like Her"

I just finished watching a documentary on Netflix called "A Girl Like Her."  This girl is a documentary about a young lady who is being bullied so severely in high school that she attempts to take her life.  As it happens, the bullying is secretly being documented by the young lady's best friend and by a small pin cam that she wears for at least six months.  In the end, the bully is shown the footage and has an epiphany about her behavior.  If I could show this documentary to everyone in the United States, I surely would.  Thank you to the filmmakers for this eye-opening look at what happens in this school.

There is a vast difference between just silly teasing and good-hearted fun and bullying.  So first off, let's not confuse the two.  The first (silly teasing and good-hearted fun) is done with a loving heart.  It's the kind of "teasing" that takes place in families and good friends.  It's done with a soft heart, both knowing that you're just joking.  It's funny to BOTH of you because it's done out of love and peace.

Then there is bullying.....

Bullying is ANY behavior in which you are treating someone negatively to make yourself feel better. It might be as "small" as deeming someone the smelly kid or the unpopular girl and openly teasing them about it.  It might be as "small" as bumping someone intentionally going down the hallway to show your superiority and make the other person feel small.  It might be as "small" as intentionally making someone feel like an outsider just because you can.  It might be as "small" as tagging someone in nasty photos on Facebook just to make them feel bad.  Bullying comes in many, many forms and even the small things hurt more than you can imagine.

For many, though, it's bigger than these "small" things.  For many, it's real every single day and it's relentless.  For many, it isn't "just" bumping in the hallway; it's in school, in texts, on social media, and everywhere else.  It's hateful words.  It's commands for suicide.  It's about a bully making them feel worthless every single moment of every single day.  It's not "just" one experience; it's experiences every single moment of every single day and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel for them.

I want to direct something to them right now because I lived through bullying when I was younger (and bullying didn't extend to texts and social media).  You are stronger than you know.  You are smarter than you know.  You are more beautiful than you know.  I know it feels dark and it feels hard but there is a way to thrive.  You can do more than just survive.  You are wonderful and if you ever need a reminder of that, you let me know.

To the administrators in these schools, stand up.  Stand up for these kids.  You see it.  You know it's happening.  I don't care what the policies say....stand up.  Be that person.

If you're someone who's watching the bullying, stand up.  Tell someone.  You're bigger than you think you are.  You're stronger than you know and bullies will seldom continue behavior when there is a group of people standing up for their victim.  If they can't single someone out, they can't bully them.  Be there.  Be the person who stands up and stands firm.  Love your friends.  Just love them.

And if you're a bully, I hope you watch this film and it changes you.  I hope that, like the bully in this film, you have an epiphany.  I hope it reaches to your soul.

Thank you, again, to the filmmakers.  You have created a masterpiece that will reach to the core of the watchers and change lives.

Being an Advocate Doesn't Mean You Can Be a Bully

Okay, let me make something abundantly clear: standing up for what you believe in does NOT make you a douchenozzle.  Sometimes, though, the method in which you choose to do so does.  Let me tell you a little story....

I have a friend that we'll call "Mindy." Mindy is an animal lover. In fact, she's not just an animal lover; she's a vegan, dog foster parent, advocating animal lover.  I love that about her.  I love that she's so passionate about something so important.  I don't always agree with her but I love that she is dedicating her life to something so important.  However, Mindy has a major downfall.  Mindy chooses to bully people if they disagree on ANYTHING regarding her cause....and I mean ANYTHING.  She claims that it is in the interest of education but her method is absolutely, undeniably threatening.  It's not that her message is wrong, persay, but her method of conveying it is actually hindering her purpose.  In simpler terms, she's cutting off her nose to spite her face.

You see, Mindy standing up for what she believes in doesn't make her a jerk.  The methods she chooses to do it, sometimes, though, do.

I love when people are passionate about something.  Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't.  However, I love the fact that we live in a country that allows us to explore and educate on our passions.  All I'm saying is that we should be thinking of how we are educating others to support our cause.  We should be reading, reading, and reading some more.  We should be reading things that support our cause but also things that don't.  After all, you don't know what you're debating until you have fully educated yourself on the other side of the argument.

We have to learn to respect other's opinions.  Maybe they will agree with you after hearing your presentation.  Maybe they won't.  We have to learn to respect their opinion, even if we disagree.   We have to learn not to bully others in the name of education.  We have to learn to spread kindness, not ugliness.  If we are REALLY trying to make the world a better place, we are not going to achieve it with a million cookie cutter people who were educated by a dictator (so to speak.)  We will achieve it by understanding that our country is a melting pot and those differences is what makes us wonderful.

Rec League Sports Parents

As a sports mama, I have to say that I'm amazed at the audacity of people in the crowds of rec leagues.  I completely understand the competitive nature that lives inside of all of us (some more than others) but I'm floored at the language and actions of the parents, family and friends of those watching rec leagues.  Here are my feelings on the topic....

1.  It is NEVER okay to insult another player on your team or your opponent's.  NEVER.  You absolutely may not treat these kids like they fall under your little insult umbrella because you're unhappy with their play.  It's a rec league.  Stop it.  Seriously.

2.  No one is more passionate about sports than this mama but passion means respect for the sport and the athletes playing it.  Stop acting like you're some damn NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL coach.  Seriously.

3.  Respect the coaches.  Most of the time, these coaches are volunteers.  Their concern is more for making sure that the kids involved have fun, get a chance to play and learn to love the game.

4.  Respect the refs. Against, mostly volunteers.  Everyone makes mistakes, folks.  It's a rec league, it's not the NHL playoffs.

5.  Cheer for your team...your WHOLE team.  I don't care if they never hit a ball or drop the ball every time it's hit to them.  Cheer for them anyway.

Here are 10 things you should NEVER do as a rec league sports parent....

1.  NEVER boo the other team.  Seriously, sometimes where they get put is just luck of the draw.  These kids do not deserve to be boo'ed.  They're doing their best.

2.  NEVER boo anyone on your own team.  Yes, I've seen this happen.  No, it's not okay.  Ever.

3.  NEVER yell at your coach for letting everyone play.  That's their "job."  How else are these kids going to learn?

4.  NEVER yell at your kid on the field, sidelines or bench.  I'm sorry but it's never okay to humiliate them while they're in the middle of a game.

5.  NEVER yell at the refs.  This is not professional sports, folks.  Sometimes they miss the call.  It's not the end of the world.

6.  NEVER throw things on the field.  Yup, I've seen this too.

7.  NEVER trash talk kids in the stands.  First of all, we don't like to hear our kids trash talked.  Secondly, we don't like to hear other kids trash talked.  Third, you're a douche if you do this.

8.  NEVER encourage your kid to cheat.  Yup, I"ve seen it.

9.  NEVER encourage your child to hurt someone else.  Sadly, seen this too.

10.  NEVER forget that this is not a professional league.  Your kids aren't getting paid and this isn't for a scholarship.  They're learning and having fun.

Here are 5 things you ABSOLUTELY should do as a rec league sports parent....

1.  Give a cheer for EVERYONE.  Yes, I understand your team is playing an opponent but it's perfectly okay to say, "Great catch" or "Nice throw" to an opponent's child.  It certainly doesn't hurt your team and, let's face it, you may just make that kid's day.

2.  Teach your kid to be a good sport.  If you're winning, you're not taunting the other team.  If you're losing, you're not acting like a brat about it.  and you ALWAYS go shake hands after the game.

3.  Let the coach know you're behind them.  Tell your coach you appreciate them.  They're likely volunteering their time and energy being there.

4.  Let the refs know you respect their calls.  Period.

5.  Remember that your kids are playing to learn to love the game.  Remember that they're learning the rules and techniques on how to be a better player.  Down the road, maybe you can cheer for them in a professional game.  For now, just be glad they're making effort, working hard and your support means more to them than anything else.

Common Consideration and Courtesy

The Disney version of "Bambi" has a line that sums up how people in this world should live their lives: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."  (Ignore the double negative for the sake of quoting accurately).  Common consideration and courtesy seem to have been thrown out the window for a large group of people in our country.  This mama has some opinions on the topic:

First of all, in the vast majority of cases NO ONE ASKED YOU.  If someone asks you for your honest opinion, by all means, share.  If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut unless it is harming you or someone else (and don't be the sarcastic jackass that says that someone's loud shirt is hurting your eyes.) I don't know if you know this or not but we are on a planet that is part of a solar system that ALL revolve  around one source....that source is NOT you! Your opinions on Sally Sue's church dress may be important to your friends but Sally Sue does not need to hear negativity.  At what point did the people in our society become so full of themselves that they don't realize that not everyone wants to hear them spew their destructive filth into the world?

Secondly, if you're not being productive with your speech, shut your mouth.  What I mean by this is that if you're going to use your words to tell someone how they're ugly, too fat or too thin, have a big nose, can't sing (etc) then you are not using your words for productive purpose.  If you're asked to judge a beauty pageant, you can voice your opinions on someone's appearance.  Otherwise, shut it! You can think it all you want but no one wants or needs to hear it.  We wonder why there is a generation of bullies and self conscious people.  When our society seems to encourage kids and adults alike to be critical, we are feeding into it daily.

Thirdly, if your argument on a topic is to correct someone's grammar, you have no argument.  Realistically speaking, debate is healthy when both parties are handling it with respect and dignity.  When you start attacking someone's character, you're out of arguments.  When you start criticizing their grammar, you're past that.

My next point would be that tact is still a "thing" in the 21st century.  I'm not suggesting that you blow sunshine up people's butts but let's be realistic: there is a time and a place to say something if you absolutely MUST say something critical.  There is a way to say something that might make someone you love feel mad/sad and it's not to publically berate or belittle them.  Tact is still something that should be practiced.  This isn't necessarily for anyone else's benefit but your own.

Finally, I would say the following: The I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think mentality is poisoning our society.  Now I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should be people pleasers, constantly concerned with whether or not everyone likes us.  What I am saying is that when our society, as a whole, stopped caring about what "everyone" thought, we seem to have lost accountability for any of our actions.  We seem to have forgotten that our nation is supposed to be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" not a bunch of jackasses yelling at each other under a variety of beliefs and non beliefs.  I, personally, don't believe that the "under God" part of that was about being a certain religion but about being one voice against anyone that would dare to come against our great country.  When we lose accountability and spend all of our time harping at one another, we seem to lose something in the translation.

It's a very fixable problem that we have in our society.  Make an effort to make what comes out of your mouth count.  Make it something that will HELP our nation build stronger and not something that will tear down its citizens.  You can be the start of a trend that will change the world for the better.