Respect, Dignity, and True Listening

This election cycle (and not just one side) seems to have brought out the worst in so many.  We went from a group of adults that were mostly able to discuss things freely and to a group of small children.  "Well I like red best." - "No red is stupid.  Blue is better."  - "Doo doo head." - " Meanie face."  I mean THIS was pretty much what so many people have boiled down to.  The conservatives that fed into this called all democrats "Libtards", referred to the President as "Obummer", and treated others as if they were dumb.  The liberals that fed into it called conservatives "racists," "bigots," and everything in between.  And here...in between....were those of us that didn't want to name call.  We just wanted what's best for our country.

I'm here to ask something that I consider to be simple.  STOP.

Stop with the hate speech on both sides of the aisle.  Not all conservatives are racists.  Not all liberals are cry babies.  Not all Christians are hate-mongers.  Not all Muslims are terrorists.  In fact, the vast majority of all of these "labels" are just people who love this country and want amazing things for it.  The vast majority of these "labels" are the exact opposite of what the accusations say.  Yet, still, we look at the one bad strawberry in the patch and say, "Well the whole patch is rotten."

I don't pretend to understand everyone's viewpoints.  In fact, part of the reason why I enjoy having such a diverse group of friends is that I love hearing all different perspectives.  Sometimes it changes my mind on things but sometimes we just agree to disagree.  It doesn't make them better or worse than me; it just makes us accepting of other's differences.

So,please....STOP.  Stop the hate speech.  Stop the name-calling.  I challenge you to truly LISTEN to someone on the other side of the argument.  Don't listen to respond but listen to hear.  Let them tell you why they believe the way they do.  Maybe it will change your mind and maybe it won't but I can assure you that we will achieve much more as a country and as a republic if we remember the melting pot we were designed to be and treat each other with the dignity and respect that we, ourselves, expect.

For the love of God, Please Stop!

Fridays are normally fun days but today is my "for the love of God, please stop" day.  For the love of God and all things holy, PLEASE stop telling the people who are voting for the other candidate that they are trash.  This is happening on BOTH sides of the political parties right now.  Democrats are guilty.  Republicans are guilty.  All of the sudden, people feel like they have the right to judge someone else's identity based on who they're voting for.  It's like we don't have a free party system and we don't have the right to be different people.

I don't know about you but I don't want a cookie cutter nation!

If you are voting for Trump, fine.  If you're voting for Hillary, fine.  You are not condoning someone's bad behavior for choosing a particular candidate.  You are simply voting for who you think will best represent our country, as a whole.  Please respect other people's opinions and their right to do the same.

In closing, I'll just say this: if you think that ANY of our past presidents were without fault, you are crazy.  I'm sorry but you are.  Everyone one of them has some sort of scandalous behavior, just some bigger than others.  They are HUMAN and being human means they make mistakes.  If you've never done anything wrong, feel free to judge.  Yeah...that's what I thought.

So seriously, please stop attacking each other and focus on how we can work together to build back up the foundation of our country that is crumbling with all of this bickering.  

I Don't Understand Hate

A post was made yesterday that talked about the hatred and entitlement an individual felt based on her color.  As I always do, I went and researched on my own.  I didn't want to believe that she felt this hatred for someone simply based on skin pigmentation.  I didn't want to believe that those were her words.  I wanted to believe that it was taken out of context.  I wanted to believe that it just wasn't true.  I looked up her page, directly, and was saddened immediately.  It is true.  This hatred exists.  This pure, unadulterated hatred for someone based on skin pigment.

I.....don't.......understand.

It has never been about black or white for me.  I have never been handed anything easily.  My parents were teenage parents and had to work day and night (literally) to make a life for our family.  As an adult, I've never been handed a single thing.  I've had to work for every step that I've taken.  I've had to fight tooth and nail just to get by.  I don't work a job where I make some crazy amount of money.  I work constantly to make a life for my kids.  But none of this is the point of this post.  This comes across as angry and it's definitely not angry.  It's pure inability to understand why anyone would think that skin color means I'm given incredible privilege.

I can't grasp the concept of hatred, period.

I believe you have two choices in life.  You can let all of the strife and heartache you endure to harden your heart.  You can develop disdain for everything and everyone.  You can focus all of your attention on how unfair it is.  OR You can focus on what you do have.  You can choose to let the strife and heartache give you more compassion for others.  You can choose to let your hurts give you the knowledge to help someone else through their own hurts.  You see, hatred is a choice.  

I choose to love you anyway.

I'm sure my love for God is an extremely large part of why I feel this way.  If I'm being honest, it's not that I always understand it, but I know it's there.  I know that, deep down, the feelings of anger are usually fear.  The feelings of frustration usually stem from sadness and fear.  I can dislike people.  In fact, I can dislike them strongly but I don't hate.  Hate means that I can find nothing good inside of them and I believe that somewhere, deep inside of everyone, there is something wonderful.  I believe that people that do even the most heinous acts have some good somewhere deep down inside.  Does it mean they shouldn't be punished?  Of course not, their choices are still reprehensible.   Does it mean that they should be hated?  I don't believe so.  They can be loved while their actions are hated.  They can be prayed for even while we pray for the victims of their crimes.

You can hate me, but I'll love you and pray for you.

So for those that hate based on skin color (regardless of which side you're on), I will pray for you.  I don't mean that in some belittling way, as if I'm better than you.  I'm not.  I'll pray for your heart to be given peace and love.  I'll pray for you to be able to see your fellow man as an ally and not an enemy.  I'll pray that our differences will, indeed, create something wonderful that helps us to come together for a common good.  I'll pray that your heart can see you the way that I do....a beautiful soul.  I'll love you exactly as you are.  I'll love you even if you hate me; not because I'm entitled or better or I have a better life, but because I see your soul and it is beautiful, no matter how hurt it is.  I don't see your skin color.  I don't see your eye color or your hair color.  I don't see whether or not you have tattoos or piercings.  I don't see whether you have perfect teeth or teeth muddled from years of drug use.  I see YOU.  And YOU are beautiful.

The Dallas Shootings

There were 5 police officers killed and 6 injured last night in Dallas at a Black Lives Matter rally.  I am in shock and disbelief, literally on the verge of tears that these officers lost their lives just doing their job.  In fact, they were protecting the very people that shot them.  May God bless their families and the people of Dallas.

My God, what have we turned into?  What has our nation become?

I don't blame African Americans.  It is not all your fault.  Black lives DO matter; all lives do.  Every single life does.  I refuse to let this brew hatred in my heart.  You are in just as much shock as I am, maybe even more.

I don't blame the Black Lives Matter movement.  It's not all their fault.  Their message matters just as much as mine does.  They are angry, frustrated and confused.  But I refuse to believe that they are all responsible.  There were peaceful protests all over the nation last night by this movement that didn't end in gunfire.  You are in just as much shock as I am.

I don't blame protesters, in general.  It's not all their fault.  You have a voice and you deserve to be heard just as much as I do.  You are in just as much shock as I am.

Who do I blame?  These individuals that fired the shots.  A protest didn't make them shoot anyone.  A movement didn't make them shoot anyone.  They made a choice and I hope they suffer the full brunt of the punishment...not because of color or beliefs but because they murdered, in cold blood, another person.  They planned this.  They targeted specific individuals.  I hope each and every one of them are punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Please, please please educate yourself.  Don't lump all police officers in with a few bad eggs. I'm sure there are bad cops just like there's bad doctors, trash men, teachers and every other profession.  A vast majority of police officers are there to serve and protect.  They aren't worried about your color, religion, cultural background, or anything else.  They are worried about protecting you and making sure that you're safe.

Don't lump all incidents of police-involved shootings into the same category based on race, ignoring circumstances.  When a suspect clearly resists arrest, he/she is making a choice.  Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, whatever....when you resist arrest, you are putting an officer in a defensive position.

Don't lump all people of ANY race in together.  This is not black vs white.  This is not us vs them.  This is right vs wrong.   Please stop feeding into this media hubbub that is actually encouraging racism.

Stop this God-awful hatred that is being fed to us.  Really educate yourself.  Look at all the statistics, not just what the media wants you to see.  Look at all sides of the story, not just what the media wants you to see.  You can be angry but be angry at the right people.  Be angry at criminals, no matter what color.  Be angry at the people hellbent on creating and encouraging negativity in our nation.

You see, I don't believe that any life matters more than another.  I grieve for each innocent life lost.

Pray for our Nation.

Stop Shaming

I posted a picture to social media the other day of a beautiful gay couple (both men) that were doing kangaroo care with their brand new baby.  Also included in the picture was the surrogate and her husband and the midwife.  It was the most beautiful moment and a gorgeous picture that brought me to tears.  The pure emotion on these new daddies faces was absolutely the most amazing thing I'd seen all day and some positivity in the midst of so much awful news in our country.  Unfortunately some did not agree.

So I'd like to make this clear....

I am a Christian.  I am a straight woman.  I am a mom.  I am also a supporter of gay marriage and a huge supporter of surrogacy to allow gay couples to have a child.  I feel like homosexual individuals have just as much right to live the same life as we do.  They have no more right, they have no less right...they have the same right that we do.  Here are a few things I'd like to expand on regarding this topic. (and by the way, spare me the "you're not a good Christian" speech.  Seriously, look at your own life...if you're sinless, you let me know and we can discuss "good Christians")

*Contrary to what the advocates to the opposite side will tell you, there is absolutely NO conclusive evidence from a real study that will say that having gay parents influences your life negatively.  Seriously, this goes for gay parents, single parents, kids that are raised by a grandparent/aunt/uncle, or any other type of family.  What matters most in how a child turns out is the love, nurturing and discipline that they receive.  I have news...there are a whole lot of gay couples that I'd rather see parent than the neglectful or abusive parents I've run into over the years.  So stop it with the "studies"....seriously.

*I cannot, for the life of me, grasp how a gay couple is any less worthy of a child and I cannot wrap my mind around this argument.  So what YOU believe should arbitrarily decide what someone else gets in their life.  Why?  If you truly talked to these couples and heard their stories, you might feel differently.  If you saw the love and yearning in their hearts, you might feel differently.  In fact, if you took the time to crawl out of your tiny little box and realize that there is a great big world and that these couples would make AMAZING parents, you might change your mind.

*So let's expand on the last point.  Judgmental people, how many of you have actually TALKED to a gay couple wanting to have a baby?  It's very easy to stand on your soapbox and preach about "right and wrong."  What makes it different is actually meeting these individuals and realizing the amazing talents, gifts, beauty, and vibrance their children would bring simply because of the rich life they'd be provided.  These couples have doctors and lawyers, politicians, scientists, geologists, designers, artists, dancers, businessmen/women, firemen, police officers...this list goes on and on.  Who they love is just a portion of who they are.  Take the time to TALK to a gay couple, or for that matter, a gay individual.  You'll see that the judgments you are passing are just not fair to anyone involved.

and finally....

*Talk to the children that WERE raised by gay couples that are now adults.  Guess what?  Gay couples have been around since the beginning of time.  Talk to children that were raised by gay parents.  Want to know what you'll find out?  They're just like everyone else.  In fact, they might be given an advantage.... understanding of diversity.

I'm sick to death of people deciding to hate just for the sake of hating.  Stop trying to represent Jesus with hate.  Jesus didn't hate.  Stop trying to represent Jesus with judgments.  Jesus hung out with everyone.  Stop trying to throw false statistics out....it's a load of crap.  Stop trying to talk about what "harm" it would do when you've never even sat down with a gay couple, let alone one looking to adopt.  Educate yourself.

Muslim Does Not Equal Radical Islam

So I've seen several posts lately on the events of 9-11 saying that people have forgotten.  On some level, it's true.  We've forgotten how we came together as a nation.  We've forgotten how terrifying that felt and how it made us appreciate our families and friends so much more.  We've forgotten how it changed us and how much it shaped how we view things.

But some of us seem to have forgotten something else.... who we were fighting.  You see, our war is not with all Muslims.  Our fight has been against Radical Islam and that is an entirely different thing.

Here are a few thoughts I just want to share to give you some nuggets to chew on.....

*"The Quran encourages  violence."  Most of the people that make this argument have never actually read the Quran.  In fact, most haven't read the Bible or the Book of Mormon or any other religious book in its entirety.  Most are basing it on what they read....wait for it......online.  Statistically speaking, the Bible contains more than twice as many violent passages as the Quran.  Even when you break it down to percentage (as the Bible has many more pages), the Quran's percentage of  violent passages (though larger in percentage than the Bible's 2.71%) is still only 5.34%.  Is the Bible a violent book?  Not, in my opinion.  But my opinion is that the Quran isn't either.  Realistically Christians seldom follow every single passage in the Bible to follow or they'd be cutting off hands and gouging out eyes.  The reason? Christianity is based on Jesus saving our souls and creating a new covenant.  All I am saying is that you should read the Quran YOURSELF before deciding  it's violent because anything can be taken out of context.

*"My brother in law has been 'over there' fighting in the military and they all hate us.'"  First off, God bless our military.  I believe that they have been through hell and I believe that the areas they were called to be have some awful, awful things that can't be unseen.  What I also believe, though, is that we are, once again, confusing all Muslims with a particular war-torn region of a country.  I know, for damn certain, I would not want someone coming over here and judging me based on a gang-infested area of a major city.  I wouldn't want everyone thinking that our whole country is violent and angry just because they were dropped in downtown Chicago (let's say) and encountered a bunch of violent, angry people.  

*"All the men rape children."  No, no they don't.  Just like all Christian men don't lay down with their daughters like the Bible's Old Testament says.  In fact, I'd venture that MOST Muslim men don't rape children just like most Christian men or Buddhist men or Jewish men or any other religion don't rape children.  This is just cruel and xenophobic.

*"The women are beaten and have no rights."  Okay, again, confusing a country (or portion of a country) and a religion.  Let me stress again that a particular Middle Eastern country (or cluster of them) does NOT represent a religion.  Do you see every single Christian woman walking around in completely modest clothing that shows off nothing with no makeup?  Of course not.  Just because the Bible says it, doesn't mean that they obey every single passage...why?  Their focus tends to be on the New Testament because of the new covenant when Jesus died and was resurrected.  There are plenty of Muslims that live in our country (and others) that treat their wives and daughters with more respect and dignity than many other families.  You are confusing religion and a country.

*"Well look at all the shootings here...all Muslim."  Again, generalization.  Has Radical Islam waged a war with our country?  Yes, ours and many others.  Does that mean all Muslims have?  No, not at all.  I sure as hell don't want to be categorized with people that do violence in the name of Christianity.  Why?  Because those people don't represent all Christians.  It's the same premise, like it or not.

*"Well I don't trust any Muslims."  Well I feel very sad for you, then.  Let me ask this question though: how many Muslims do  you actually actively know?  How many have you talked to, in depth?  How many have you looked in the eye?  I'm not talking about what you see, talk about or "chat" online.  I'm talking about truly standing face to face with a Muslim man or woman and truly talking to them.  I'm talking about asking them questions about their faith and their culture.  I'm talking about asking THEIR opinions on all of this.  I can tell you that I have conversed with many that I consider to be kind, generous, friendly people.  I have friends that are Muslim and I trust some of them more than I trust some of my friends of other faith.  Religion does not define us; our hearts do.

This is just the start of a conversation that I wish more people would have.  I wish that they would understand that a country, particularly a portion of a country, does not represent a religion.  I wish they would understand that 5.3% of a book doesn't represent the whole book.  I wish that they would understand that Radical Islam doesn't represent the Muslim faith.  I wish that they would take the time to TALK to Muslims, despite their fear, and truly understand that most are not violent, cruel people.  I wish that they would take the time to get over their fear of what they don't understand and really educate themselves from ALL sides on what they are judging.  

Please take the opportunity to learn.

You Can Make a Difference

I think that one of the greatest things we can teach our children is not to force things.  When I look at my generation and I see where we are now, I see that we made a whole lot of decisions based on the fact that we thought that's what we were supposed to do.  We thought that we were supposed to settle down, get married and have kids at a certain age.  We thought that we HAD to decide on a career at 18 when we started college.  We thought that we had to buy a house near our parents.  We thought that we had to have holiday meals with our family and never move outside of our little tribal circle.

Then, I look at my generation now.  At least half, if not more, of us are divorced.  Some remarried, some haven't really dated, and some are not interested in ever getting married again after our experiences. At least half aren't even using a degree that they obtained right out of high school.  Some just got a different job, some are pursuing something currently, and some aren't even sure what they're supposed to do.  At least half of us don't have that house near our parents.  In fact, statistically a lot of people lost or sold them in their divorce or in the mortgage crisis while others had to move due to jobs and others moved voluntarily for a better life.  You see, we tried to force a life that we weren't ready to have and ended up realizing that we should have taken those years to really think on who we were.

I am a firm believer in encouraging (not forcing but encouraging) kids to really wait until they're at least 24 or 25 to get married and settle down.  I did it much earlier, as did many of my friends, and I have learned so much from it.  I don't think that a whole lot of people truly know what they want to do at 18.  I don't think many of them realize that they haven't even unwrapped all of the layers of who they are and your late teens are twenties are the best time to find that out!  I think that kids benefit more from not having these hard expectations on what exactly they have to do.  It doesn't have to be a cookie cutter business to be successful.  True happiness and success come from doing what you're meant to do, not what you have been forced into doing.

What has changed the way our country works is that we seem to have developed a "me" complex.  We forget that part of our responsibility, as a nation, is to mentor the upcoming generation on what we've learned.  Will they always listen?  No, in fact, they may not seem like they're listening at all....until they encounter a situation where they need to use the advice and realize that you weren't trying to boss them around; you were trying to help them.  Part of our responsibility as a nation is to encourage them to change the world.  It's important for us to encourage them to shoot for the starts because great advances come from people who think outside the box.  Shouldn't their parents be taking care of that?  Of course they should  but what harm does it do to reinforce that teaching?  Why have we gone from "it takes a village" to "screw the village, I'm saving my house?"  It may not be your "job" to mentor these kids but a great man once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country."

I've sort of gotten off track.  My apologies.

My point in all of this is that if we want to raise a better generation, we need to encourage them to be what they were meant to be.  Maybe it's not what we pictured or what would make the most money but it's what will fill their soul.  If we want to help the current generation, we need to be there to mentor them, even if when it's not fun.  You see, when they find what their soul needs to fill it, they, too, will want to do something wonderful to change the nation.  Big changes can begin with just one small step.

Hate Breeds Hate; it will never change the world

One of the biggest things that I've had to learn in my adult years is that before I assume something based on limited information, I should research all sides of it.  It has led me to learn more about other cultures, religions, and people, in general.  I don't want to just assume because of what someone has told me.  I don't just want to form an opinion to be part of a crowd.  I want to learn about the differences that people have so that I can also find the things that we share.  Why is this so important to me?  Because.....

Hate will NEVER create more love; it only creates more hate.

In the vast majority of cases, hatred is caused by ignorance.  People don't care to educate themselves on something so they just choose to dislike it instead.  It's the adult equivalent of kids not wanting to eat their veggies: it's different and they assume they won't like it so they won't touch it.  We tend, as adults, to sometimes decide that we don't like something without even having all of the information.  We don't want to take the time to learn about it.  We feel like different is hard, different is bad.  We preach about changing the world but we forget that changing the world would require changes in ourselves and in our lives.....differences.

One of the biggest clashes of late seems to be religion (though this argument has been around since the dawn of time) or lack thereof.  It exists in all religions, to some extent.  After all religion is based on faith.  In short, you believe that what/who you worship will bring good things into your life.  You also believe, though, that every other religion has it wrong.  Some religions believe that all other religions are below them.  Some religions believe that we are all equal.  Some believe only believers will get into Heaven, some believe in only chosen people getting there, some believe that you have to earn your way there and some believe that there isn't an afterlife because of reincarnation. Every religion believes that they are the only one that is right.  Atheists believe there is no god.  Agnostics are unsure of the existence of God.

Then there are those of us that exist without specific religion.  I am a Christian and, yet, I don't particularly like the idea of organized religion because of how corrupt it has become.  I don't expect everyone to believe as I believe.  In fact, I believe that God speaks to different people in very different ways.  Why would he do that?  Simple...God created us to be such extraordinarily different people that he needs to speak to us in extraordinarily different ways.  I believe that it is much the same as how parents of multiple children have to encourage and discipline different kids.  You see, we all feel and express love a little bit differently.

Religious people can often have a tendency to be judgmental.  They blame it on a book or their belief system. If you do this, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion).  If you don't do that, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion).  Then, add in atheists and agnostics who love to sound off on whether or not you're a good enough Christian (for example) because you do or don't do this or that.  And what it all comes down to is ignorance.  None of us know enough to truly make a solid judgment.  We just don't.   All we are doing by spreading this judgement on whether a person or a religion is right or wrong is spreading hatred....making a bigger precipice to fall into.

What if we all just took the time to learn?  Instead of assuming that all Christians are this or all Muslims are that or all Buddhists are this way or all Jewish people are that way, what if we truly took the time to learn?  What if we immersed ourselves in learning?  What if we read what they read without assumptions?  What if we TALKED to people of that faith and learned about what they believe and what they practice?  What if we learned about their holidays and customs?  What if we learned about their stances on the very issues that we make assumptions on now?  What if we battled intolerance with education?  What if we stopped being ignorant and started being intelligent?

You see, we will never change the world by hiding in a hole, believing that we already have all of the information that we will ever need by the time we are adults. We will only change the world when we change ourselves and dedicate our lives to learning.

Rec League Sports Parents

As a sports mama, I have to say that I'm amazed at the audacity of people in the crowds of rec leagues.  I completely understand the competitive nature that lives inside of all of us (some more than others) but I'm floored at the language and actions of the parents, family and friends of those watching rec leagues.  Here are my feelings on the topic....

1.  It is NEVER okay to insult another player on your team or your opponent's.  NEVER.  You absolutely may not treat these kids like they fall under your little insult umbrella because you're unhappy with their play.  It's a rec league.  Stop it.  Seriously.

2.  No one is more passionate about sports than this mama but passion means respect for the sport and the athletes playing it.  Stop acting like you're some damn NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL coach.  Seriously.

3.  Respect the coaches.  Most of the time, these coaches are volunteers.  Their concern is more for making sure that the kids involved have fun, get a chance to play and learn to love the game.

4.  Respect the refs. Against, mostly volunteers.  Everyone makes mistakes, folks.  It's a rec league, it's not the NHL playoffs.

5.  Cheer for your team...your WHOLE team.  I don't care if they never hit a ball or drop the ball every time it's hit to them.  Cheer for them anyway.

Here are 10 things you should NEVER do as a rec league sports parent....

1.  NEVER boo the other team.  Seriously, sometimes where they get put is just luck of the draw.  These kids do not deserve to be boo'ed.  They're doing their best.

2.  NEVER boo anyone on your own team.  Yes, I've seen this happen.  No, it's not okay.  Ever.

3.  NEVER yell at your coach for letting everyone play.  That's their "job."  How else are these kids going to learn?

4.  NEVER yell at your kid on the field, sidelines or bench.  I'm sorry but it's never okay to humiliate them while they're in the middle of a game.

5.  NEVER yell at the refs.  This is not professional sports, folks.  Sometimes they miss the call.  It's not the end of the world.

6.  NEVER throw things on the field.  Yup, I've seen this too.

7.  NEVER trash talk kids in the stands.  First of all, we don't like to hear our kids trash talked.  Secondly, we don't like to hear other kids trash talked.  Third, you're a douche if you do this.

8.  NEVER encourage your kid to cheat.  Yup, I"ve seen it.

9.  NEVER encourage your child to hurt someone else.  Sadly, seen this too.

10.  NEVER forget that this is not a professional league.  Your kids aren't getting paid and this isn't for a scholarship.  They're learning and having fun.

Here are 5 things you ABSOLUTELY should do as a rec league sports parent....

1.  Give a cheer for EVERYONE.  Yes, I understand your team is playing an opponent but it's perfectly okay to say, "Great catch" or "Nice throw" to an opponent's child.  It certainly doesn't hurt your team and, let's face it, you may just make that kid's day.

2.  Teach your kid to be a good sport.  If you're winning, you're not taunting the other team.  If you're losing, you're not acting like a brat about it.  and you ALWAYS go shake hands after the game.

3.  Let the coach know you're behind them.  Tell your coach you appreciate them.  They're likely volunteering their time and energy being there.

4.  Let the refs know you respect their calls.  Period.

5.  Remember that your kids are playing to learn to love the game.  Remember that they're learning the rules and techniques on how to be a better player.  Down the road, maybe you can cheer for them in a professional game.  For now, just be glad they're making effort, working hard and your support means more to them than anything else.

The Target Bathroom Policy

The controversy surrounding the "transgender bathroom policy"  at Target is growing daily.  Those on the opposing side are signing a petition to boycott Target.  Those on the supporting side are cheering and actually shopping at Target MORE!  I've kept mum for awhile, just trying to gather my thoughts on the topic.  I wanted to listen to all sides of the argument and see where my opinion fell after the fact.  So here goes......

First of all, the argument for the opposing side is namely based on the idea that "a man could pretend to be transgender just to get in the bathroom and assault your wife or child."  In other words, the concern is not about transgender people (as a whole) but with child predators and the like.  Here's a little nugget of information to think on.... what makes you think that predators would even bother to "pretend" to be transgender?  Predators have been sneaking into bathrooms for decades.  They don't need a policy to do it.  You should ALWAYS be concerned about your safety and your family's safety (boys too) in public restrooms.  That said, a policy that allows transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice will make absolutely no difference in whether or not predators are coming in to assault your family.  The bigger risk, unfortunately, is that the transgender individuals will be assaulted themselves.  Statistically they are assaulted in alarming numbers and it's just not okay.  A piece of paper or a sign or a policy has nothing to do with whether or not a predator will come into the bathroom; it's like saying that a "no gun zone" sign will keep a gunman out.

A second argument is that "a man could come into the bathroom with your wife or child and flash their junk at them."  This partially goes back to my last point but partially goes to another: why do you think this is limited to bathrooms?  If your concern is that your daughter might see a penis in a Target bathroom, you are ignoring the fact that this can happen almost anywhere.  Men (or women) that are going to flash you their "junk" are going to do it wherever they choose.  You're worried about the bathroom in Target; meanwhile, this guy does it in the produce section at the supermarket.  Again, I present the argument that you are confusing transgender people with mentally disturbed flashers.  You have likely used the bathroom with a transgender person more often than you know....guess what, you were not affected in any way.

"Well it's simple.  If you have a penis, use the men's bathroom.  If you have a vagina, use the women's bathroom."  Look, you can agree or disagree with whether or not you're born transgender (the same way you can argue whether or not you're born homosexual).  The argument has nothing to do with the point on this.  The fact is that transgender people often feel as if they were born in the wrong body.  This argument is hard to debate but I will say that it's definitely not "simple."

"Well they're just being politically correct."  No one cringes more at politically correct hoopla than I do but this is not about being politically correct; it's about being compassionate.  It's about recognizing a "group" (for lack of better word) of people who just want to be able to do a simple human function (like urinate) where they feel comfortable.  99% of transgender people are not going to draw attention to themselves walking into a bathroom anywhere.  They just want to poop in peace.  It's as simple as that.

"Well I don't want some dude watching me pee."  Well then close the stall door.  A WHOOOOOLE lot of the people arguing this point have probably never even USED the bathroom in Target.  Some "dude" is in the bathroom for the same reason you are and, guess what, they're going to close and lock the stall door and do the same thing you're doing: pee.  The idea that transgender people will use this policy as some sort of excuse to be a sneaky perv is absolutely ridiculous and demoralizing (but I'll get to that in a second).  Do YOU go into bathrooms and peer over the stalls or peek through the cracks?  Nope.  You're a normal person that looks under the stall enough to see if there's feet there and then waits for your turn.  You close the stall door, lock it, pee, wash your hands (hopefully) and move on.  Come on now.

I guess I want to close this by saying that this whole thing seems like it's very demoralizing to transgender people.  You can argue the logistics of transgenderism all you want and agree to disagree with people but this debate over this policy is really hurtful on one side.  I heard it said that "it wasn't about water fountains during segregation and it's not about bathrooms now" and it was summed up so perfectly.  Before you start throwing hateful terminology around and grouping transgender individuals in with perverts, think about what you're saying and how small-minded and ridiculous you sound.  To all the transgender people out there having to listen to this debate and hear the hateful things being spewed from people's mouths, I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this.  Know that there are a whole lot of us that are more educated on transgender/transsexual folks that are fighting to break down the walls of ignorance.

If you AREN'T educated on the topic, here is a good starting point....

Source:
http://www.medicaldaily.com/what-difference-between-transsexual-and-transgender-facebooks-new-version-its-complicated-271389

Common Consideration and Courtesy

The Disney version of "Bambi" has a line that sums up how people in this world should live their lives: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."  (Ignore the double negative for the sake of quoting accurately).  Common consideration and courtesy seem to have been thrown out the window for a large group of people in our country.  This mama has some opinions on the topic:

First of all, in the vast majority of cases NO ONE ASKED YOU.  If someone asks you for your honest opinion, by all means, share.  If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut unless it is harming you or someone else (and don't be the sarcastic jackass that says that someone's loud shirt is hurting your eyes.) I don't know if you know this or not but we are on a planet that is part of a solar system that ALL revolve  around one source....that source is NOT you! Your opinions on Sally Sue's church dress may be important to your friends but Sally Sue does not need to hear negativity.  At what point did the people in our society become so full of themselves that they don't realize that not everyone wants to hear them spew their destructive filth into the world?

Secondly, if you're not being productive with your speech, shut your mouth.  What I mean by this is that if you're going to use your words to tell someone how they're ugly, too fat or too thin, have a big nose, can't sing (etc) then you are not using your words for productive purpose.  If you're asked to judge a beauty pageant, you can voice your opinions on someone's appearance.  Otherwise, shut it! You can think it all you want but no one wants or needs to hear it.  We wonder why there is a generation of bullies and self conscious people.  When our society seems to encourage kids and adults alike to be critical, we are feeding into it daily.

Thirdly, if your argument on a topic is to correct someone's grammar, you have no argument.  Realistically speaking, debate is healthy when both parties are handling it with respect and dignity.  When you start attacking someone's character, you're out of arguments.  When you start criticizing their grammar, you're past that.

My next point would be that tact is still a "thing" in the 21st century.  I'm not suggesting that you blow sunshine up people's butts but let's be realistic: there is a time and a place to say something if you absolutely MUST say something critical.  There is a way to say something that might make someone you love feel mad/sad and it's not to publically berate or belittle them.  Tact is still something that should be practiced.  This isn't necessarily for anyone else's benefit but your own.

Finally, I would say the following: The I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think mentality is poisoning our society.  Now I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should be people pleasers, constantly concerned with whether or not everyone likes us.  What I am saying is that when our society, as a whole, stopped caring about what "everyone" thought, we seem to have lost accountability for any of our actions.  We seem to have forgotten that our nation is supposed to be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" not a bunch of jackasses yelling at each other under a variety of beliefs and non beliefs.  I, personally, don't believe that the "under God" part of that was about being a certain religion but about being one voice against anyone that would dare to come against our great country.  When we lose accountability and spend all of our time harping at one another, we seem to lose something in the translation.

It's a very fixable problem that we have in our society.  Make an effort to make what comes out of your mouth count.  Make it something that will HELP our nation build stronger and not something that will tear down its citizens.  You can be the start of a trend that will change the world for the better.