Being Proactive

Deciding to be proactive is the best thing I ever did for myself.  I got stagnant in my life and started feeling like I was uncertain about what I wanted my life to look like.  When someone asked me where I wanted to be in five years or ten years or twenty years, I couldn't answer.  I wasn't sure what I wanted.  At first, it made me feel like a failure.  I mean, I'm an adult, I should know what I want to do, right?  After a day or so of feeling kind of blue, I decided to do something about it.  I decided to be proactive.

I spent a lot of time soul searching and figuring out where I wanted to be.  Then, I started moving toward those goals.  It may be a slow and steady process but I'm moving forward and I'm happier than I've ever been because of it.  I truly feel that if more people became proactive in their lives and decided to do something instead of sitting around feeling sorry for themselves, they'd be happier with their lives.

So if you're feeling stagnant, stop and really take a look at your life.  Look at every single aspect of your life.  What do you want your imprint to be on the world?  What impression do you want left in your community?  What legacy do you want left for your family?  What are you truly passionate about?  What do you love?  

Here's what I'm begging you not to do.... Don't use your stagnant point in life to spread negativity.  It's very hard to see other people's success and get frustrated with your own situation.  Don't put them down in order to make yourself feel better.  Don't poo on their success to promote your own.  We can all have our place in this world and encourages our friends and family in the process.  We can all leave our mark on this world without feeling the need to condemn anyone that disagrees with us.

I encourage you to move forward in a positive way.  Find your passion and run with it.

Being Part of Your Community

Negativity is the norm in our world today and it makes me incredibly sad for a multitude of reasons.  The reason I'd like to focus on today, though, is our future generation.  Our children are a product of many things from genetics to environment and everything in between.  Some of these things we cannot accurately control.  We only have so much say over genetics.  We have no say over whether they are male or female.  We have no say whether they are more even tempered or more quick tempered.  Things we can't control are plentiful.

What we can have more control of is environment.  (Though, even this is not completely controllable.) Most of us concentrate on controlling the environment in our home.  This is, indeed, a great place to concentrate.  Kids thrive knowing that they have a safe place to go when nothing else feels right.  They need to know that there are people they can trust that will move mountains to make sure that they know that they are loved. 

What we seem to have lost focus on is our community.  We seem to forget that we are part of something bigger.  My favorite quote is "The only time that you should worry about what's on someone else's plate is to make sure they have enough."  We are taught and continue to teach to mind your own business and that's a great lesson for some things but we forget to teach the other half....we forget to teach that it's okay to worry about someone else when we want to help them.  We are supposed to give each other a hand up. (and please don't mistake this as me saying that we should be supporting freeloaders...I don't.)  We should be teaching our neighbors to fish, so to speak.

But why?  Why do we need to be part of our community?  Well I have a few big reasons....

1.  We complain about the state of our community.  We complain about violence and negativity but we do nothing to help it.   Our kids observe this and conclude that they don't need to worry about it either; that they should just complain instead.  This filters into the rest of their life.... why should I care about my school?  Why should I care about my family?  It just continues...

2.  It takes a village.  You may have an enormous support system but being part of your neighborhood means being part of something amazing and wonderful.  There's something to be said for knowing your neighbors.  There's something to be said for being part of the school, even if you aren't actually active in a PTA.  There's something to be said for being part of your community, as a whole.  Being friendly and learning about the people around you encourages your kids to do the same.  It encourages your kids to want to learn about people that are different and to socialize with them, as well.  It gets them out of the bubble of their school's influence and let's them experience the world at an early age, when you can still talk to them about what they experience.

3.  It's an opportunity to teach compassion.  It's an opportunity to teach your kids that there is always someone less fortunate than you are.  There is always someone who is struggling.  Even if you can't help them financially, you can help them by letting them know you're there.  You can help by helping them find the resources they need.  Teaching your children to be kind is a lesson that will stick for years to come.

4.  You teach your children how to live in the real world.  In our homes, we know the moods of those around us and we tend to unintentionally cater to those moods.  When you're out in the real world, you don't know who you're dealing with.  Being part of your neighborhood allows your children to see you deal with a grumpy salesperson and teach them that you never know what kind of day someone is having so spread kindness.  They'll get to see you say "hi" to people you don't know, hold doors, and tell your cashier to "have a great day."  They'll get to observe real-life interactions that will benefit them for years to come.  It teaches your child that, regardless of what TV shows would have you believe, kindness IS important and violence is NOT the answer.

5.  You show your kids that other kids need love too.  I posted this last week on acceptance.  There are some children that are just not fortunate to have a great home life.  It can manifest in a variety of ways but it often bubbles up as anger and violence over things they can't control.  We, as a community, can encourage them and let them know they're loved and have a place to talk or just vent if they need to.  When your children see you reach out and be there for another child, they see what true compassion, kindness and care is.  Caring for someone else emotionally is a huge thing and our children need to learn more of this and less of the anger and violence the media loves to show us.  It benefits the angry child, as well, and lets them know that there is a safe place to fall and that we will be there for them if they need it.

We can't change things overnight but we can work every day to make progress in our neighborhoods and in our own homes.

Teach Your Children Manners

Today's post is going to be cut and dry.  Teach your kids some manners.  Don't rely on the schools; it's not their job.  Don't rely on society; it's not their job.  It's yours.  Here are some of the most basic and overlooked manners in our society today.

Phone manners.  Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?").  Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone.  Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this).  Teach them basic phone etiquette.  It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.

Host/Hostess Manners.  Teach your children to answer the door politely.  Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first.  Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests.  It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.

How to Treat Their Friends.  Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates.  In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.

Opening Doors.  Teach them to open doors for their elders.  Teach them to open doors for women.  Teach them to open doors for each other.

Table Manners.  Seriously, what happened to basic table manners?  Teach them to eat with their utensils.  Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table.  Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining.  Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.

Please, Thank You and You're welcome.  This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well.  "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore.  We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears.  Teach it.

They're NOT adults!!!  Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges.  That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege.  Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day.  This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.

Interrupting  Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult.  Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.

The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today.  We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings."  Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world.  You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.