I read an article today about a pre-teen that was "humiliated" because she was asked to change out of the leggings she came to school in. She came into school in a tunic (that was too short in portions of it) and leggings. She was called into the office and given a pair of sweatpants (just gray sweatpants) and told to change clothes or leave school. Against school rules, she called her mom on her cell phone and her mother was furious. Supposedly this girl was "humiliated."
Now first, let's define "humiliate." Webster defines it "make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly"
Second, let's define the school's rules and their conduct. While they didn't specifically only say "leggings", they did speak of what was and wasn't covering private areas including the butt. They describe their conduct if it occurs (change clothes). This is specifically outlined in their handbook.
Third, let's talk about how it was handled by the school. They pulled her into the office. They offered her a piece of clothing that would serve the purpose for the rest of the day. They told her to wear it or leave school and told her that it was not acceptable to call her mom for a change of clothing. Why? Well, because what she did was against school code and it's not their policy to call parents. It's their policy to make an impression without further discipline (detention, etc) to avoid this happening in the future. In short, the sweatpants are a warning.
Let's review how the "victim" handled the situation. Going against school dress code, she wore leggings. She was pulled in and given a change of clothes. In her little tantrummy fit, she asked to have her mom bring clothes and was told no. Instead of respecting the office, she snuck and AGAIN broke the school's rules to call her mom on her cell phone. Mommy comes to fight her battle.
Now let's clear up a little confusion as people forget to read before they just jump all over the school. 1-This was against dress code, even if it wasn't directly specified. 2- It's against the school's code to use her cell phone in school. 3-They did not try to prohibit her from calling her mom for a reason. They simply explained the policy. 4-They did not offer her raggedy, worn down clothes. They offered her gray sweatpants.
Now, my opinion:
My opinion is that she was acting like a spoiled little turd because she didn't like what the school told her to do. She thought that the rules should be bent to fit her situation. She doesn't like the dress code (and even I roll my eyes at them sometimes, honestly). Her mom may even think the dress code is dumb and okayed her wearing this. Then, she went against school rules to call her mom ON HER CELL. Why? Because she was pissed and wanted Mommy to come fight her battles. Her mom enabled her instead of trying to handle this in a civilized manner with the school which is likely where she learned the spoiled behavior to begin with. She was not "humiliated"...she was pissed and wanted attention. She still wants it. That's why she went to the news.
Seriously, at what point do you parents stop to think that the rules are there for a reason? You may not like them. You may think they're dumb or that you have a better solution. If that's the case, handle it RIGHT. Join the PTA, present a motion and try to change things. Go to the school board to try to change the dress code. Do not take it upon yourself to allow your child to break the rules and then expect the school not to react. Maybe if more parents SUPPORTED the school, we wouldn't have a generation of spoiled, entitled brats that think they're above the law coming into their own as we speak.
Look, I agree that the leggings rule may be dumb just like a yoga pants rule is dumb or a pj pant rule is dumb but a rule is a rule. I don't have to understand why it is the way it is...I just have to teach my children to obey it. You see, it's my job to teach my children to be productive adults who know how to follow laws. I know, strange concept. If children don't learn to follow the school's rules, they don't think they need to as adults. Teach children to question things in life but teach them to do it respectfully and change it in the right way, not by blatantly breaking rules and expecting no consequences.
Showing posts with label #moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #moms. Show all posts
Friday, August 26, 2016
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Lazy Parenting
At what point did lazy parenting become acceptable? No, I'm not referring to having a pj day. I'm not referring to wearing yoga pants to pick up your kids at school. I'm not referring to sleeping in on the weekends. I'm not referring to having a lazy DAY. I'm referring to having a lazy parenting life. Allow me to elaborate:
I'm curious when our society became okay with parents deciding that 11 years old was "grown." I'm curious when we officially gave up playing with our kids to sit them in front of the TV nonstop for the sake of convenience. When did we decide that we would rather just "have the school take care of it for us?" When did we decide that we needed three day weekends "off" once a month and two week vacations without the kids every year? When did we decide that we could half-ass this parenting thing?
I'm seriously curious, here.
It is not your job to parent your child when it is convenient for you. It is your job to parent your child ALWAYS. Does that mean you can't have a night out? Of course not. Does that mean you can't order pizza because you're too tired to cook? Of course not. There's just a vast difference between having a lazy moment or a lazy day and making it your daily regimen.
It is not the school's job to teach your child to be a civilized, polite, kind human being; it is yours. It is not the baseball coach's job to teach your child to take turns, be a friend or not to be a bully; it is yours. Those people are support people in your life. It may take a village but good kids start at home.
Maybe your child was unplanned and maybe they were planned for years before you conceived. Maybe you're a no-spanking parent and maybe you believe in spanking when needed. Maybe you're a breastfeeding mom and maybe you're not. There are a million issues that separate HOW we parent but there is one that should unite us....THAT we parent. You chose to have your child and having a child means making sacrifices for their well-being. It doesn't end when they hit double digits and they are not grown at 10 or 11 years old. Hell, they aren't even really "grown" when they're 18 but the country's laws say they are so you better make a real impact on who they are well before they hit legal age.
Look, I don't care about what methods you use to raise your child. Only you know what's best for them. What I DO care about is whether or not you're making the choice to leave the rest of us to do your job simply because you choose not to. We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do when we don't have constant access. If you're a lazy parent, it's not too late. Step up and start doing what's right. We are all here to help you out if you'll take the first step.
I'm curious when our society became okay with parents deciding that 11 years old was "grown." I'm curious when we officially gave up playing with our kids to sit them in front of the TV nonstop for the sake of convenience. When did we decide that we would rather just "have the school take care of it for us?" When did we decide that we needed three day weekends "off" once a month and two week vacations without the kids every year? When did we decide that we could half-ass this parenting thing?
I'm seriously curious, here.
It is not your job to parent your child when it is convenient for you. It is your job to parent your child ALWAYS. Does that mean you can't have a night out? Of course not. Does that mean you can't order pizza because you're too tired to cook? Of course not. There's just a vast difference between having a lazy moment or a lazy day and making it your daily regimen.
It is not the school's job to teach your child to be a civilized, polite, kind human being; it is yours. It is not the baseball coach's job to teach your child to take turns, be a friend or not to be a bully; it is yours. Those people are support people in your life. It may take a village but good kids start at home.
Maybe your child was unplanned and maybe they were planned for years before you conceived. Maybe you're a no-spanking parent and maybe you believe in spanking when needed. Maybe you're a breastfeeding mom and maybe you're not. There are a million issues that separate HOW we parent but there is one that should unite us....THAT we parent. You chose to have your child and having a child means making sacrifices for their well-being. It doesn't end when they hit double digits and they are not grown at 10 or 11 years old. Hell, they aren't even really "grown" when they're 18 but the country's laws say they are so you better make a real impact on who they are well before they hit legal age.
Look, I don't care about what methods you use to raise your child. Only you know what's best for them. What I DO care about is whether or not you're making the choice to leave the rest of us to do your job simply because you choose not to. We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do when we don't have constant access. If you're a lazy parent, it's not too late. Step up and start doing what's right. We are all here to help you out if you'll take the first step.
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Food for Thought: Let Kids be Kids
Tuesday Food for Thought: I am a big promoter of letting kids be kids for as long as they can. I mean, the world is a messed up place and the longer they get to just run and play, the better. With that said, what I am NOT a promoter of is the extreme ends of this; balance is key.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
School Supply Deals
School supply shopping for four kids can be a real hand full but I got it done on a relatively good budget. Here are some of the deals I stumbled across that might help you....
Amazon: I am not a fan of cheap backpacks that only last a year. I've paid my dues with the annually purchased character backpacks that have holes and broken straps by the third quarter of the year. I need something tough and durable. I've changed over to spending a bit more to buy a new one every few years (or as needed). This year, Amazon has had a great sale on a good number of backpacks. It is of note to say that if you're child is a picky fashionista, this may or may not be a good option. However, I was able to provide several different color options and purchase an Eastsport backpack for under $20 that had great reviews and could easily move through the elementary to middle school (or even high school) transition without looking "too babyish."
Staples: If you ARE buying a backpack in person, Staples has some great options AND you get 25% off of your school supplies if you buy your backpack there. The durable ones were around $40+ and their character backpacks were very reasonably priced. Here are some other deals
Wood Rulers $.25
Filler paper (Staples wide ruled and college ruled) $.75
Staples composition books $.50
Staples RULED index cards (of note because there is a better deal on unlined elsewhere) $.48
Wescott 12" acrylic ruler (if you must have a see-through one) $1
BIC Comfort grip pens 12 pack (black) $1
Staples brand 4 oz glue $.50
2 pocket folder with fasteners $.17
It's of note that Staples will not only price match but give you 110% price match.
Office Max/Office Depot: I love these guys because of their penny items. My particular penny items included unlined note cards and 2 pocket folders. These items are only a penny with a $5 purchase AND they are limited quantities (usually 10). Other deals worth mentioning.....
This week only: Pink eraser 3 pack $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Composition books $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Elmer's 4 oz school glue $.01 with $5.00 purchase
BIC 12 pack of stic pens $.25
Crayola brand markers 8 count $.25
Keep an eye on the ads because the penny items change weekly and it's a great way to tackle some of those more expensive items.
Walmart: It is of note that you can price match any major competitor at Walmart. You may tick off the person behind you in line (and possibly the cashier) but you can. My suggestion is to bring the ads with you (or have them ready on your phone but this is less convenient) and have the items circled for quick access....
One subject notebooks $.17
2 pack pink erasers $.48
24 pack of Cra Z Art crayons $.25
1 inch binders in various colors $.99
I did find dividers back in the office section for $.48 (5 pack) but they sell out fast and you might need to ask about them. Otherwise $.88 dividers
4 pack Kleenex facial tissue $3.48
I have the ability to jump between stores (as they are all close by). I have heard that Target has some great deals as well. Keep your eye on the paper as many have coupons on pens, etc and you can get your pens at an even greater discount. School supply shopping can be done on the cheap but it requires planning and careful execution (and often spreading it out over the course of several weeks to get the best deals).
Happy Hunting Denverites
Amazon: I am not a fan of cheap backpacks that only last a year. I've paid my dues with the annually purchased character backpacks that have holes and broken straps by the third quarter of the year. I need something tough and durable. I've changed over to spending a bit more to buy a new one every few years (or as needed). This year, Amazon has had a great sale on a good number of backpacks. It is of note to say that if you're child is a picky fashionista, this may or may not be a good option. However, I was able to provide several different color options and purchase an Eastsport backpack for under $20 that had great reviews and could easily move through the elementary to middle school (or even high school) transition without looking "too babyish."
Staples: If you ARE buying a backpack in person, Staples has some great options AND you get 25% off of your school supplies if you buy your backpack there. The durable ones were around $40+ and their character backpacks were very reasonably priced. Here are some other deals
Wood Rulers $.25
Filler paper (Staples wide ruled and college ruled) $.75
Staples composition books $.50
Staples RULED index cards (of note because there is a better deal on unlined elsewhere) $.48
Wescott 12" acrylic ruler (if you must have a see-through one) $1
BIC Comfort grip pens 12 pack (black) $1
Staples brand 4 oz glue $.50
2 pocket folder with fasteners $.17
It's of note that Staples will not only price match but give you 110% price match.
Office Max/Office Depot: I love these guys because of their penny items. My particular penny items included unlined note cards and 2 pocket folders. These items are only a penny with a $5 purchase AND they are limited quantities (usually 10). Other deals worth mentioning.....
This week only: Pink eraser 3 pack $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Composition books $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Elmer's 4 oz school glue $.01 with $5.00 purchase
BIC 12 pack of stic pens $.25
Crayola brand markers 8 count $.25
Keep an eye on the ads because the penny items change weekly and it's a great way to tackle some of those more expensive items.
Walmart: It is of note that you can price match any major competitor at Walmart. You may tick off the person behind you in line (and possibly the cashier) but you can. My suggestion is to bring the ads with you (or have them ready on your phone but this is less convenient) and have the items circled for quick access....
One subject notebooks $.17
2 pack pink erasers $.48
24 pack of Cra Z Art crayons $.25
1 inch binders in various colors $.99
I did find dividers back in the office section for $.48 (5 pack) but they sell out fast and you might need to ask about them. Otherwise $.88 dividers
4 pack Kleenex facial tissue $3.48
I have the ability to jump between stores (as they are all close by). I have heard that Target has some great deals as well. Keep your eye on the paper as many have coupons on pens, etc and you can get your pens at an even greater discount. School supply shopping can be done on the cheap but it requires planning and careful execution (and often spreading it out over the course of several weeks to get the best deals).
Happy Hunting Denverites
Friday, July 29, 2016
Teaching Kids About Fairness
"The only time you should look in someone else's bowl is to make sure they have enough."
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
A Small List of Things You Don't Have to Provide Your Children
As it seems that people are confused about what they "have" to provide to their children, I am going to provide you with a brief list of things you do NOT have to provide to your kids. I'd like to light the way on the path of truth and understanding on this topic that seems to be befuddling to some.
1. A car when they turn 16.
2. A down payment on their first home
3. A cell phone
4. A cell phone plan
5. An Ipad or comparable tablet
6. Designer shoes
7. Designer clothes
8. Unearned allowance (i.e. money they're given without chores being done)
9. Allowance of ANY kind
10. A TV in their bedroom
11. A TV in your car to entertain them while you drive
12. Your phone to watch when they're out and you need to entertain them
13. Your phone to watch at home
14. Happy Meals
15. Professionally done nails
16. An entire play room of toys
17. Every single day after school activities
18. Name brand cereal
19. Tickets to opening weekend of every single movie that comes out
20. ANYTHING when a tantrum is done to get it.
This is just a start but you get the idea. Your children are not entitled to these things. In fact, you are just encouraging the entitlement attitude when you give in to their every whim because you don't want to hear them cry. You are not REQUIRED to give them any of these things. Should you choose to do so, fine but please don't feel pressured.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Teach Your Children Manners
Today's post is going to be cut and dry. Teach your kids some manners. Don't rely on the schools; it's not their job. Don't rely on society; it's not their job. It's yours. Here are some of the most basic and overlooked manners in our society today.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
10 Ways to Get Your Kids' Attention
Parents everywhere throw their hands up when they think that they are finally going to get five minutes of peace, only to have it interrupted. Here are 10 surefire ways to get your kids' attention...
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
That Last Ten Pounds
I'm a big believer that social media has many assets. I love that the internet has research available at our finger tips. I'm so happy that technology has allowed us to communicate with loved ones so far away. I'm not blaming technology here....at all.
I'm also not blaming celebrities, well not completely anyway. I know that they're proud and their social media accounts and articles in magazines are serving a multitude of purposes from increasing exposure to just being proud of their accomplishments.
Here's my problem.....
I know someone quite close to me that has two children. Their youngest one is still a preschooler, yet they are absolutely devastated that they can't get back to their "pre baby weight." We are talking obsessively counting calories, exercising to the point of exhaustion, and considering cosmetic procedures in order to lose "that last ten pounds." I see it, all too often. I see moms so worried about getting back to their pre-baby weight that it actually makes them sick. It makes me so incredibly sad.
To you moms, I say this:
It's okay, Moms. It's okay to not lose that last ten pounds. Your body changed when you had that baby because it is now better suited to your needs. What you're perceiving to be a failure is the way that our bodies were designed. The reason you "can't lose that last ten pounds" is because you're not meant to....clearly. You've obsessively counted calories, avoided junk food, avoided carbs, ate nothing but salads, and exercised until you couldn't stand up and it won't go away. It's not meant to go away. It's your body's way of telling you "enough's enough."
Please, please, please stop looking to celebrities and wondering how they can do it. They're photo shopped! No seriously, they're photoshopped! As a photographer, myself, I know this one. They're struggling just like you. They might even be obsessing like you.
And please don't consider cosmetic surgery to fix it. Please. You look beautiful just like you are. Your husband (or boyfriend or whatever the case may be) loves you exactly as you are. Be proud of your body.
And finally, if I can say one last thing, PLEASE stop making this into a big deal in front of your daughters. You are creating a VERY unhealthy mindset. You're literally molding your daughters into obsessively over-concerned little beings who will never love their body either.
Please, moms, focus on your body being healthy. Focus on your body getting the fuel it needs and not just obsessively counting calories. Focus on your body feeling energetic to run around with your kids. Focus on getting some sleep so you can wake up early with them and eat pancakes in your pj's. Know that you're perfect exactly how you are! Channel that energy into showing your daughters that your body is not what defines you. Channel that energy into teaching them that it's okay to not have "the perfect body." Channel that energy into teaching them that being healthy is what the focus should be...not worrying about the numbers on the scale. Teach them that their impact on your body is something you embrace and love so they, too, will embrace it when they have children.
You're beautiful, Mama....don't change a thing
I'm also not blaming celebrities, well not completely anyway. I know that they're proud and their social media accounts and articles in magazines are serving a multitude of purposes from increasing exposure to just being proud of their accomplishments.
Here's my problem.....
I know someone quite close to me that has two children. Their youngest one is still a preschooler, yet they are absolutely devastated that they can't get back to their "pre baby weight." We are talking obsessively counting calories, exercising to the point of exhaustion, and considering cosmetic procedures in order to lose "that last ten pounds." I see it, all too often. I see moms so worried about getting back to their pre-baby weight that it actually makes them sick. It makes me so incredibly sad.
To you moms, I say this:
It's okay, Moms. It's okay to not lose that last ten pounds. Your body changed when you had that baby because it is now better suited to your needs. What you're perceiving to be a failure is the way that our bodies were designed. The reason you "can't lose that last ten pounds" is because you're not meant to....clearly. You've obsessively counted calories, avoided junk food, avoided carbs, ate nothing but salads, and exercised until you couldn't stand up and it won't go away. It's not meant to go away. It's your body's way of telling you "enough's enough."
Please, please, please stop looking to celebrities and wondering how they can do it. They're photo shopped! No seriously, they're photoshopped! As a photographer, myself, I know this one. They're struggling just like you. They might even be obsessing like you.
And please don't consider cosmetic surgery to fix it. Please. You look beautiful just like you are. Your husband (or boyfriend or whatever the case may be) loves you exactly as you are. Be proud of your body.
And finally, if I can say one last thing, PLEASE stop making this into a big deal in front of your daughters. You are creating a VERY unhealthy mindset. You're literally molding your daughters into obsessively over-concerned little beings who will never love their body either.
Please, moms, focus on your body being healthy. Focus on your body getting the fuel it needs and not just obsessively counting calories. Focus on your body feeling energetic to run around with your kids. Focus on getting some sleep so you can wake up early with them and eat pancakes in your pj's. Know that you're perfect exactly how you are! Channel that energy into showing your daughters that your body is not what defines you. Channel that energy into teaching them that it's okay to not have "the perfect body." Channel that energy into teaching them that being healthy is what the focus should be...not worrying about the numbers on the scale. Teach them that their impact on your body is something you embrace and love so they, too, will embrace it when they have children.
You're beautiful, Mama....don't change a thing
Sunday, May 8, 2016
This is What Parenting Really Is
There are certain things in life that I believe make you truly realize that you're a parent. I'm not referring to the obvious ... birthing a child obviously makes you a parent. I'm talking about the moments that make you say, "Yup, this is what parenting really is...."
1. When the baby pees on you...if you're lucky, it's not in your face
2. When the baby poops through his clothes....in public
3. When your toddler repeats the swear word you accidentally said in front of her....in front of your mother in law
4. When your little man runs naked through the house after his bath
5. When your little man runs naked through the house after his snack
6. When your little man runs naked through the house after waking up
7. When your little man runs naked through the house before bed (noticing a pattern?)
8. When your little lady throws a flailing tantrum in the grocery store over not getting the Cookie Crisp cereal
9. When the PTA President gives you "that look" for bringing store bought cupcakes to the bake sale.
10. When the Principal has to call you to tell you that your son gave his friend an atomic wedgie
11. When your pre-teen rolls her eyes at you for the first time
12. When your pre teen rolls her eyes at you for the thirty seventh time
13. When your teenager rolls her eyes and sighs loudly every....time.....you......talk
14. When your kids just won't stop arguing....and you're there listening.
15. When after all of these things you still feel that insane love for your kids and realize that there is nothing they can ever do to change that...
1. When the baby pees on you...if you're lucky, it's not in your face
2. When the baby poops through his clothes....in public
3. When your toddler repeats the swear word you accidentally said in front of her....in front of your mother in law
4. When your little man runs naked through the house after his bath
5. When your little man runs naked through the house after his snack
6. When your little man runs naked through the house after waking up
7. When your little man runs naked through the house before bed (noticing a pattern?)
8. When your little lady throws a flailing tantrum in the grocery store over not getting the Cookie Crisp cereal
9. When the PTA President gives you "that look" for bringing store bought cupcakes to the bake sale.
10. When the Principal has to call you to tell you that your son gave his friend an atomic wedgie
11. When your pre-teen rolls her eyes at you for the first time
12. When your pre teen rolls her eyes at you for the thirty seventh time
13. When your teenager rolls her eyes and sighs loudly every....time.....you......talk
14. When your kids just won't stop arguing....and you're there listening.
15. When after all of these things you still feel that insane love for your kids and realize that there is nothing they can ever do to change that...
Friday, May 6, 2016
To the Working Mom on Mother's Day
Dear Working Mom,
You did it! You made it through another year! Your kids are doing fantastic and you're killing it!
You have a unique situation on Mother's Day and you face unique struggles. Your struggle is having to be away from your little ones during the day in order to provide them a better quality of life (or, in some cases, just to provide them life period because, let's face it, life is expensive). Most working moms don't want to be away but it's a necessary evil. Most have to rely on child care whether it's a family member, nanny, day care or anything of the like. We're always wondering, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The answer is yes, mama! Don't second guess yourself. You're working your ass off and your kids are thriving. Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the negative people that want to judge you. There will always be someone complaining. Know that your nanny (or day care teacher or whatever the case may be) sees all the amazing things you do and they're spending all day telling your little ones how much you love them. Know that their teachers see that you're doing you're best and how much you love them.
Even more than that, know this, Mama....your kids see it too. They're learning that hard work is the key to succeeding in life. They're learning that sacrifice is essential. They see that every moment you have with them is so much more special BECAUSE you have to be away during the day. Believe me, Mama...they'll know it as they age. They'll know that you had to go to work but that you were doing it ALL for them.
Keep your chin up. You're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
You did it! You made it through another year! Your kids are doing fantastic and you're killing it!
You have a unique situation on Mother's Day and you face unique struggles. Your struggle is having to be away from your little ones during the day in order to provide them a better quality of life (or, in some cases, just to provide them life period because, let's face it, life is expensive). Most working moms don't want to be away but it's a necessary evil. Most have to rely on child care whether it's a family member, nanny, day care or anything of the like. We're always wondering, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The answer is yes, mama! Don't second guess yourself. You're working your ass off and your kids are thriving. Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the negative people that want to judge you. There will always be someone complaining. Know that your nanny (or day care teacher or whatever the case may be) sees all the amazing things you do and they're spending all day telling your little ones how much you love them. Know that their teachers see that you're doing you're best and how much you love them.
Even more than that, know this, Mama....your kids see it too. They're learning that hard work is the key to succeeding in life. They're learning that sacrifice is essential. They see that every moment you have with them is so much more special BECAUSE you have to be away during the day. Believe me, Mama...they'll know it as they age. They'll know that you had to go to work but that you were doing it ALL for them.
Keep your chin up. You're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
Thursday, May 5, 2016
To the Stay at Home Mom on Mother's Day
Dear Stay At Home Mom,
If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!" You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up. You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good. There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.
Let's face it: you work your butt off too. There are some that give you crap for staying at home. Don't let them. Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job"). You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.
You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right. You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor. You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too). You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids. People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.
Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them. You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day. So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome. Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger." Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly. Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can. You're doing awesome!
I salute you.
Sincerely,
Me
If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!" You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up. You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good. There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.
Let's face it: you work your butt off too. There are some that give you crap for staying at home. Don't let them. Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job"). You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.
You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right. You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor. You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too). You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids. People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.
Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them. You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day. So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome. Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger." Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly. Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can. You're doing awesome!
I salute you.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
To the Single Mom on Mother's Day
To the Single Mom on Mother's Day:
You did it! You kicked ass for another year! Your kids are thriving, you're making changes in your life and you're killin in just like you always do. I know it can be discouraging, today, to see married moms get flowers and massages while you're still busy doing the exact same things you always do. I know that, today, just like every other day, you're going to doubt yourself at least two or three times and wonder if you're doing something wrong...wonder if you're doing a good enough job. You are. Your kids see how hard you fight and how much you work hard to make their lives easier. Your kids see that you're the constant in their life. Your kids see that you're a fighter...a survivor. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it all of the time. The next year is going to be tough...it always is. The next year is going to be busy....it always is. But you're going to kill it just like you always do. Smile and know that you are awesome! Flowers would be nice but the work ethic, toughness and love that you're instilling in your kids is worth so much more. Hang in there...in fact, don't just hang in there; climb up on that ledge, drop kick that stuff in your path and go farther than you thought you could! You're amazing, Mama!
Sincerely,
Me
Side note: A whole lot of these things apply to married moms too. I'm not, at all, underestimating motherhood, in general. What I will say is this: single moms often deal with a more "thankless" job than married moms. People don't often realize that when a married mom says she gets "no break", the reality is that single moms literally have no break. All of us are in this together. Hug a single mom and let her know that you see how hard she works and I'll bet she'll hug you back and tell you that you're kicking ass just as hard :)
You did it! You kicked ass for another year! Your kids are thriving, you're making changes in your life and you're killin in just like you always do. I know it can be discouraging, today, to see married moms get flowers and massages while you're still busy doing the exact same things you always do. I know that, today, just like every other day, you're going to doubt yourself at least two or three times and wonder if you're doing something wrong...wonder if you're doing a good enough job. You are. Your kids see how hard you fight and how much you work hard to make their lives easier. Your kids see that you're the constant in their life. Your kids see that you're a fighter...a survivor. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it all of the time. The next year is going to be tough...it always is. The next year is going to be busy....it always is. But you're going to kill it just like you always do. Smile and know that you are awesome! Flowers would be nice but the work ethic, toughness and love that you're instilling in your kids is worth so much more. Hang in there...in fact, don't just hang in there; climb up on that ledge, drop kick that stuff in your path and go farther than you thought you could! You're amazing, Mama!
Sincerely,
Me
Side note: A whole lot of these things apply to married moms too. I'm not, at all, underestimating motherhood, in general. What I will say is this: single moms often deal with a more "thankless" job than married moms. People don't often realize that when a married mom says she gets "no break", the reality is that single moms literally have no break. All of us are in this together. Hug a single mom and let her know that you see how hard she works and I'll bet she'll hug you back and tell you that you're kicking ass just as hard :)
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