To the Stay at Home Mom on Mother's Day

Dear Stay At Home Mom,

If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!"  You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up.  You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good.  There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.

Let's face it: you work your butt off too.  There are some that give you crap for staying at home.  Don't let them.  Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job").  You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.

You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right.  You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor.  You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too).  You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids.  People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.

Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them.  You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day.  So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome.  Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger."  Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly.  Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can.  You're doing awesome!

I salute you.

Sincerely,
Me

Things I Wish I'd Have Known In My 20's

I was having a discussion yesterday on things that change as adults and we were saying, "Why didn't someone tell us this stuff?"  The truth is that someone probably did and, in our 20 year old I know everything fog, we probably ignored them.  The truth is that our parents probably told us to beware, be careful and a million other phrases to show that they cared and we probably blew them off because, "duh, they're old...what do they know?"  So here are some of the things I wish I'd have known in my teens and twenties:

Friends will go their own way.  I know it's hard to believe but a good portion of your friends will disappear.  They'll just up and disappear.  It's sad and, frankly, changes the way you look at everything.  The good news is that you will likely have some that will stick around for life.  The bad news is that your entire outlook on friendship will change until the end of time and it's, often, a hard transition.

"Playing house" is only fun for a month or two.  You get all independent and bold and say, "I'm moving out."  If you're a truly prepared youngter, you've run the numbers for what it will cost for your bills and you know that you're on top of things.  You're prepared.  You're not like all the other kids.....until you are.  Something comes up and you're sent stumbling again.  It's fun for a little while until your life goes topsy turvy.  That's when you tell whether you're ready to make it on your own yet or not.

Menopause sucks so don't bitch about your period  I haven't even gotten into the total package but have started experiencing symptoms of perimenopause (due to a hysterectomy) and, believe me, it's awful.  Take your couple of days a month of discomfort and blah to constant hot flashes, mood swings, and a million other crap symptoms.  It's like puberty in a sauna....everything awful you hated about those years comes back, only now you're doing it inside an incinerator.

Saying "never" about kids' behavior is asking for it in your future children  Go ahead....test it.  Keep saying, "Well my kid will NEVER do that."  We will all stand here and grin when it's your child's most dominant quality.  God has a funny sense of humor.

Taxes suck  They really, truly do.  You work your ass off and your paycheck disappears to taxes, social security and other things.  Granted, if you claim "0" you get back a lump sum (most of the time) in the spring but it still sucks watching your money wave buh-bye during the rest of the year.

Your body will change  Whether you have kids or you don't have kids, it will change.  If you have kids, it'll change sooner.  People spend millions of dollars every year trying to change their bodies back to what they looked  like in their 20's....they're fooling no one.  Enjoy your body in your 20's because your 30's and beyond change everything.

You will never have a more free time (if you don't have kids) than now  As you age, responsibilities pile on.  You will never have a more free time (assuming you don't have kids) than you have now.  Enjoy!  It doesn't mean you have to be crazy...just enjoy the ability to go do something on a whim.

You will feel EVERYTHING you do in your 20s in your 30s.  Now here's where I'm lucky.  I had a mellow 20's (because I had kids...and because I'm rather boring in that way).  Some of my nearest and dearest didn't....and now they reep the effects.  The negative things you didn't think affected your body will pop back up soon.  It's crazy but true.

The concept of your inability to recover as quickly in your 30s and beyond is totally true  Your body chemistry changes.  Your ability to recover from physical activity or, in the case of people who drink themselves into stupor, hangover is greatly reduced.  It takes longer and you feel it more.  It sucks.

There are many more things but this is a starter.  Take it with a grain of salt if you don't believe me but you will think back on reading this and say, "Ugh, she was right."  Life doesn't get any easier....enjoy your 20s.