I want to preface this by saying that I understand the concept of single parenting better than anyone can imagine and that I understand that I it's difficult to find a solution if your child is truly sick. I am not, by any means, trying to go after them or make their life harder by criticizing. This goes out to the parents who HAVE the ability to do something but don't.
It is ironic to me, in this day and age, that people are so blasé about sending their kids to school sick. I'm not talking about the common cold and sniffles. In my humble opinion, it's actually good for most kids to be around the common cold and build their immune system on something manageable. My problem lies with the parents who send their kids to school after throwing up or having strep throat or having the flu. Here's why....
Teachers are already big bullseyes for illnesses. Their immune systems have to be on par with medical staff at doctor's offices (in my opinion). They already have to miss classes for their learning conferences and other such required things. When you add in a child throwing up a foot and a half from your desk, you're basically screwed for immunity. The reality of it is that you are infecting your child's teacher, almost certainly, and then complaining that you're dealing with substitute teachers.
Let's also include the other students in this as well as bus drivers, office staff, parent volunteers and whoever else happens to be there. You're, essentially, causing your child to be patient zero because you're too lazy to keep them home. Look, I know you have a lot to accomplish and you want to save your sick days from work for yourself but when you decided to have a child, you agreed to put them first. Sending them to school when they threw up 12 hours ago and can barely eat is NOT putting them first. It's putting your work project first.
I am the first to say that working from home would be an ideal job because of instances just like this. I understand that there are parents that don't get sick days. With that being said, it's unfair to punish the mass majority because you don't have that option. Build your support system because you're going to need it. Here are a few Heather pointers, as well....
Do NOT send your child to school if they've thrown up in the past 24 hours. I don't care if it's been 21 hours and they "seem okay." Guess what? The energy it takes to get ready for school and go to school may reignite that illness. Sick children need REST! Don't make excuses for how it was a fluke. Maybe it was, but don't risk everyone else's health for a possibility.
If your child has a rampant history of strep throat and he comes to you with a sore throat and can't swallow, do NOT send him to school. Take him to the doctor. Not only are there serious repercussions for untreated strep but there are also serious repercussions for the other people around him. He WILL pass it on and you WILL likely get it back.
If your child has a severe double ear infection, do NOT send them to school while they're still hurting. No, the ear infection isn't contagious but the virus that caused the cold that caused the ear infection is. The fact is, a sick child needs REST!
I don't care how much energy they seem to have at home. Your sick child needs to stay at home. Energy is relative and school takes up a lot of it. You're actually hurting them worse to send them to school while their immune system is already fighting off other things.
and finally....
If your child is complaining of an upset stomach or diarrhea and you KNOW that it's true, don't say, "Let's wait it out" and send them. Here's the problem. You KNOW when your child is sick. You can tell the difference between a faker and a serious complaint. Every time you doubt them on it and send them, you put everyone at risk. You are a carrier for stomach bugs and can pass them on before you ever vomit. Just food for thought.
In short, I guess what I'm saying is that you don't need to treat the world like your petri dish. Maybe some of these flu outbreaks wouldn't happen if more people had respect for those around them. I understand that jobs are a real pain for letting you have time off for your kids but find it. You're the parent. It's your job.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Continue Believing....Even if it looks like Nothing's happening
And now, a moment of inspirational motivation.......
Whether or not you believe in God (and I very definitely do), you probably have a pull in your life; a little voice that sits inside your soul and tells you that it's all going to be okay. You might have an idea of a goal you want to achieve or something in your life that you'd like to see changed in the future. Maybe you want a car that runs better or a house where your kids don't share bedrooms. Maybe you want a better job or to go back to school. Maybe you want to build a business or maybe you want to lose weight. This little voice is telling you that you can do it and that you just have to keep trying.
So what happens when you're trying you're best and nothing appears to be happening?
The wonderful thing about this great big world is that things aren't always what they seem. The river that looks peaceful on the surface is raging underneath. The volcano that looks to be calm is bubbling under the surface, ready to begin spewing smoke and lava. Though it appears to be stagnant in your life on some level, it's not. God is doing something wonderful underneath the surface and you're about to see greatness. Truly amazing things are coming to you!
I have been praying over the same things for years, in some cases, and I wake up every morning with a hopeful heart. I thank God for what I have already (because someone, somewhere is wishing they had things as "bad" as you think they are) and for what is yet to come. Then I pray...and I pray BIG. Go big or go home! Pray for greatness and God will give you greatness!
All of this may seem ridiculous and you may be rolling your eyes but I challenge you to this much: try it for 30 days. Every single day, wake up with a hopeful heart and thank God for what you have. Pray for what you'd like to see happen. If, after thirty days, your heart does not feel hopefully and joyous, despite the circumstances, you can make the decision to stop. My belief, though, is that you'll feel different. You'll feel hopeful, no matter what's happening. You are going to achieve great things in 2015. Believe.
Whether or not you believe in God (and I very definitely do), you probably have a pull in your life; a little voice that sits inside your soul and tells you that it's all going to be okay. You might have an idea of a goal you want to achieve or something in your life that you'd like to see changed in the future. Maybe you want a car that runs better or a house where your kids don't share bedrooms. Maybe you want a better job or to go back to school. Maybe you want to build a business or maybe you want to lose weight. This little voice is telling you that you can do it and that you just have to keep trying.
So what happens when you're trying you're best and nothing appears to be happening?
The wonderful thing about this great big world is that things aren't always what they seem. The river that looks peaceful on the surface is raging underneath. The volcano that looks to be calm is bubbling under the surface, ready to begin spewing smoke and lava. Though it appears to be stagnant in your life on some level, it's not. God is doing something wonderful underneath the surface and you're about to see greatness. Truly amazing things are coming to you!
I have been praying over the same things for years, in some cases, and I wake up every morning with a hopeful heart. I thank God for what I have already (because someone, somewhere is wishing they had things as "bad" as you think they are) and for what is yet to come. Then I pray...and I pray BIG. Go big or go home! Pray for greatness and God will give you greatness!
All of this may seem ridiculous and you may be rolling your eyes but I challenge you to this much: try it for 30 days. Every single day, wake up with a hopeful heart and thank God for what you have. Pray for what you'd like to see happen. If, after thirty days, your heart does not feel hopefully and joyous, despite the circumstances, you can make the decision to stop. My belief, though, is that you'll feel different. You'll feel hopeful, no matter what's happening. You are going to achieve great things in 2015. Believe.
Do Mean Girls Ever Grow Up?
With social media on the forefront these days, I began pondering whether or not mean girls ever really grow up. Let me, first, give a clear explanation of what I mean by "mean girls." I'm not necessarily talking about the extremity of meanness from the movie. What I'm referring to is the following....
*Incessant need to talk about everyone else in a negative way. Other girls can be minding their own business completely and will STILL be criticized for something they're doing or wearing.
*Competitive over everything...and if they don't win, the other girl's a slut.
*Manipulative....and I'm talking manipulative just to be hurtful. For instance, you'll pull a girl into a room and ask her what she thinks of someone else only to discover that the "someone else" you're referring to is hiding in the closet.
*"The Attitude". The holier than thou, entitled as hell attitude.
The list could go on and on but, chances are, you know the type of girl I'm referring to.
My question is whether or not they truly grow up......
My personal experience is that most of them do not. While you can't change a tiger's stripes, life experiences can sometimes change their habits. I find that most of these mean girls continue their behavior into adulthood. They continue to pick on other girls, that are now mothers themselves, and often pick on the children as well. They reflect their hidden self-esteem issues onto other women to attempt to bring them down to their level.
Now let me tell you a secret: you don't have to respond to them. Just like you were probably told as a child, you can completely ignore them. The reality is that they're going to talk either way. Those that truly love and know you won't believe them. Those that don't know you well and don't care might believe them and they aren't worth your time. The real sad truth, though, is that a good majority of people have their own lives and don't care. Adult life isn't high school (despite what these mean girls would like to believe to relive the glory days of yore) and gossip only goes so far with non-famous people. Let the mean girls wear pink on Wednesday and move on with your life knowing that your life does not depend on the unhappiness of someone else.
*Incessant need to talk about everyone else in a negative way. Other girls can be minding their own business completely and will STILL be criticized for something they're doing or wearing.
*Competitive over everything...and if they don't win, the other girl's a slut.
*Manipulative....and I'm talking manipulative just to be hurtful. For instance, you'll pull a girl into a room and ask her what she thinks of someone else only to discover that the "someone else" you're referring to is hiding in the closet.
*"The Attitude". The holier than thou, entitled as hell attitude.
The list could go on and on but, chances are, you know the type of girl I'm referring to.
My question is whether or not they truly grow up......
My personal experience is that most of them do not. While you can't change a tiger's stripes, life experiences can sometimes change their habits. I find that most of these mean girls continue their behavior into adulthood. They continue to pick on other girls, that are now mothers themselves, and often pick on the children as well. They reflect their hidden self-esteem issues onto other women to attempt to bring them down to their level.
Now let me tell you a secret: you don't have to respond to them. Just like you were probably told as a child, you can completely ignore them. The reality is that they're going to talk either way. Those that truly love and know you won't believe them. Those that don't know you well and don't care might believe them and they aren't worth your time. The real sad truth, though, is that a good majority of people have their own lives and don't care. Adult life isn't high school (despite what these mean girls would like to believe to relive the glory days of yore) and gossip only goes so far with non-famous people. Let the mean girls wear pink on Wednesday and move on with your life knowing that your life does not depend on the unhappiness of someone else.
THAT House
When talking to a friend, yesterday, about how many extra kids I had hanging out at my house over the weekend, I had them tell me something that warmed my soul: Oh you're THAT house. You know the one...the one that everyone flocks to because the parents don't yell about friends being inside the house. We're the house that the kids feel safe coming to because, though there are rules, you're not getting yelled at over accidents. We're the house that may NOT be big at all (and it's definitely not) but it's always big enough to have a couple more kids in it. We're the house that always has a little bit of extra for dinner so, of COURSE you can stay. We're the house that always has snacks around just in case. We're the house that has an unlimited popsicles in the summer and a sprinkler to run through. We're the house with the three lane slip and slide. We're THAT house....and I love it.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Chocolate and Holy Water
It's been a long while since I've been able to speak about something truly comical on here so when the opportunity arose today, I had to take it. My youngest has been saving this little mini candy bar for months now. She is truly her mother's child (not as into candy and such) and didn't feel the need to eat it until she REALLY wanted it. It was her favorite....a Hershey bar. She stashed it and held onto it for months and I allowed it because I thought it was a great exercise in life lessons.
Yesterday, she goes to eat the deliciously coveted snack and finds that it has disappeared. I gather the troops to ask who the guilty party is and my teenage daughter is the obvious culprit. You know the look....head down, eyes averted, barely a whisper voice, toe forming continuous circles on the floor as she twirls her hair around her finger. Yup, she's guilty.
I pull her aside (because I try not to embarrass them on these offenses--Embarrassment is saved for attitude-based offenses only) to ask her if she ate the chocolate and she admits that she did. Her reasoning is priceless: "I don't know why but it's like sometimes every single month, I just want chocolate so bad and I just have to eat it." You get a BYE on this one sweetheart. Your body is becoming a force to be reckoned with.
As I sit here giggling to myself at the idea of PMS causing small crimes within my home, I begin to think that maybe I've been approaching this wrong. Her monthly attitude has been approached, thus far, with squatting behind a chair to hide while throwing Midol at her and attempting to spray her with holy water. Perhaps, I should instead be treating her as a puppy....feeding her Hersey kisses (puppy treats) and stroking her head.....Goooooooood teenager. There you go. Perhaps I shouldn't be approaching this premenstrual demon in fear but in gifts of sacrifice instead.
In all seriousness, her horror at her inability to control her emotions is what gave her a bit of a break. Poor kid doesn't even know what's coming.
Yesterday, she goes to eat the deliciously coveted snack and finds that it has disappeared. I gather the troops to ask who the guilty party is and my teenage daughter is the obvious culprit. You know the look....head down, eyes averted, barely a whisper voice, toe forming continuous circles on the floor as she twirls her hair around her finger. Yup, she's guilty.
I pull her aside (because I try not to embarrass them on these offenses--Embarrassment is saved for attitude-based offenses only) to ask her if she ate the chocolate and she admits that she did. Her reasoning is priceless: "I don't know why but it's like sometimes every single month, I just want chocolate so bad and I just have to eat it." You get a BYE on this one sweetheart. Your body is becoming a force to be reckoned with.
As I sit here giggling to myself at the idea of PMS causing small crimes within my home, I begin to think that maybe I've been approaching this wrong. Her monthly attitude has been approached, thus far, with squatting behind a chair to hide while throwing Midol at her and attempting to spray her with holy water. Perhaps, I should instead be treating her as a puppy....feeding her Hersey kisses (puppy treats) and stroking her head.....Goooooooood teenager. There you go. Perhaps I shouldn't be approaching this premenstrual demon in fear but in gifts of sacrifice instead.
In all seriousness, her horror at her inability to control her emotions is what gave her a bit of a break. Poor kid doesn't even know what's coming.
Kids and Responsibility
I had a little talk with my crazies yesterday about the new year and responsibility. Parents seem to go one way or the other on this issue with very few residing in the gray area. Either parents believe that kids need NO responsibility and that they should be allowed to "just be kids" or that they should have the bulk of the household responsibility and expect to act like adults. Let me tell you: developmentally, even high schooler's minds are NOT that of adults. That's why they shouldn't be allowed to make long term decisions at that age. They are still developing a lot of the skills necessary to be healthy, responsible adults.
I live in the gray area. I do believe that there are certain responsibilities that you should give to your child to help them learn life skills. Of course, these skills should be age appropriate. You can't expect a four year old do correctly separate and wash laundry in the correct temperature. However, even four year olds should be starting to learn life skills to guide them as they go. Children can certainly be expected to clean their own bedrooms and put away their own clothes. They definitely can make a bed correctly by second grade, if guided through the process to learn it. Of course they can do things like dust or run a vacuum or maybe even load the dishwasher. By junior high, they should be able to complete most any of the household chores if asked.
I believe that there are certain chores that should be done without pay. These are the chores that are just part of being a family. I call these "team building" chores. Just as I work, the kids go to school. Just as I cook a meal, they can perform small tasks to help out around the house. Since there are four kids and the house is not that big, it's not that difficult to have a productive household doing small tasks each day.
I believe that there are certain tasks that are above and beyond and these tasks can be paid tasks. I don't believe in giving children $20 to shovel the driveway. I think reasonable amounts should be expected. The reason for this? I fully expect my children to get a job when they are 16. If they are used to getting paid $20/hour for minimal work, they will think that they are too good for a minimum wage job flipping burgers. I believe that these minimum wage jobs can be true character builders for children and teach them the value of a dollar without overwhelming them. It can teach them to save.
I also believe that kids can be responsible for their own homework after a certain point. I don't believe that gender should play a role in whether or not they can complete the task. With that being said, I do believe that you have to cater your method to TEACHING them to be responsible differently to each child. I believe that checking in with them on a regular basis is important and helps to guide them in their path to responsibility.
Finally, I believe that kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior. There are jerky little kids all over anymore and they aren't taught manners or respect. Kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior and learn that just because someone is being mean doesn't mean THEY have to be mean too. Just because someone is teasing doesn't mean THEY have to tease. Just because someone is hurting others doesn't mean THEY have to hurt others. Empathy and sympathy are two of the biggest keys to teaching kids about this, in my opinion. Teach them to understand the effect that their actions have on others and their behavior will begin to change.
I live in the gray area. I do believe that there are certain responsibilities that you should give to your child to help them learn life skills. Of course, these skills should be age appropriate. You can't expect a four year old do correctly separate and wash laundry in the correct temperature. However, even four year olds should be starting to learn life skills to guide them as they go. Children can certainly be expected to clean their own bedrooms and put away their own clothes. They definitely can make a bed correctly by second grade, if guided through the process to learn it. Of course they can do things like dust or run a vacuum or maybe even load the dishwasher. By junior high, they should be able to complete most any of the household chores if asked.
I believe that there are certain chores that should be done without pay. These are the chores that are just part of being a family. I call these "team building" chores. Just as I work, the kids go to school. Just as I cook a meal, they can perform small tasks to help out around the house. Since there are four kids and the house is not that big, it's not that difficult to have a productive household doing small tasks each day.
I believe that there are certain tasks that are above and beyond and these tasks can be paid tasks. I don't believe in giving children $20 to shovel the driveway. I think reasonable amounts should be expected. The reason for this? I fully expect my children to get a job when they are 16. If they are used to getting paid $20/hour for minimal work, they will think that they are too good for a minimum wage job flipping burgers. I believe that these minimum wage jobs can be true character builders for children and teach them the value of a dollar without overwhelming them. It can teach them to save.
I also believe that kids can be responsible for their own homework after a certain point. I don't believe that gender should play a role in whether or not they can complete the task. With that being said, I do believe that you have to cater your method to TEACHING them to be responsible differently to each child. I believe that checking in with them on a regular basis is important and helps to guide them in their path to responsibility.
Finally, I believe that kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior. There are jerky little kids all over anymore and they aren't taught manners or respect. Kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior and learn that just because someone is being mean doesn't mean THEY have to be mean too. Just because someone is teasing doesn't mean THEY have to tease. Just because someone is hurting others doesn't mean THEY have to hurt others. Empathy and sympathy are two of the biggest keys to teaching kids about this, in my opinion. Teach them to understand the effect that their actions have on others and their behavior will begin to change.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
New Year's Day
I don't make resolutions but I strive to work on myself constantly throughout the year. I don't need a specific date to make an effort to better myself. With all of that being said, I will focus on certain things this year....
I will focus on creating small moments. I will focus on finding little moments that I can make very special even if I'm not spending a dime to do it. Maybe I'm reading with the kids or watching TV or having a conversation while we eat.
I will focus on finding solutions to being exhausted instead of accepting it I will focus on trying to find different ways to resolve my exhaustion or push through it when possible instead of just saying, "I'm tired" and letting that be that.
I will focus my attention on people who make me a priority just as much as I make them one. I will make it a priority to focus my attention on the people who make ME a priority, not on the people who treat me like trash.
I will watch more hockey I miss it. Cable being gone is cost effective but it's also taking away what I love I might have to go back to it.
I will love myself regardless Regardless of what anyone else says or does, I will love myself. Period.
I will believe in myself I always sort of accept that where I am is where I have to be. I will strive to achieve my dreams.
To my friends and family, may your new year create miracles and blessings and abundance in every area of your life.
I will focus on creating small moments. I will focus on finding little moments that I can make very special even if I'm not spending a dime to do it. Maybe I'm reading with the kids or watching TV or having a conversation while we eat.
I will focus on finding solutions to being exhausted instead of accepting it I will focus on trying to find different ways to resolve my exhaustion or push through it when possible instead of just saying, "I'm tired" and letting that be that.
I will focus my attention on people who make me a priority just as much as I make them one. I will make it a priority to focus my attention on the people who make ME a priority, not on the people who treat me like trash.
I will watch more hockey I miss it. Cable being gone is cost effective but it's also taking away what I love I might have to go back to it.
I will love myself regardless Regardless of what anyone else says or does, I will love myself. Period.
I will believe in myself I always sort of accept that where I am is where I have to be. I will strive to achieve my dreams.
To my friends and family, may your new year create miracles and blessings and abundance in every area of your life.
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