Mottos

With just one day left in 2016 (after today), your goal is to make a motto.  This year, I'm making it simple:

Make every single moment count.

So often, we focus our attention on what happened in the past or what we want to happen in the future and we forget to just be in the moment.  In 2017, I'm going to try to make every single moment worth it.  Whether it's a moment where I need more sleep and sleep that extra five minutes or whether it's a moment where I choose to try something new just to say I've done it, I'm going to focus on making it count.

What's your 2017 motto?

The Future

And today....let's focus on the future.  But let's not set unreasonable goals.  Let's set manageable goals.....

You have looked at your past and your present.  You've seen your blessings.  Now think of how you can take care of them better.  Think of how you can take care of yourself better.  Instead of setting a goal to diet, set a goal to eat more healthy and move for a half hour per day.  Instead of setting a goal to run every day (if you have never run before), set a goal to run every OTHER day and do cardio in between.

Set yourself small, manageable goals.  Set a goal for a month.  Then, when you've achieved that, set a goal for three months.  Keep setting small goals to help you achieve the larger things you're aiming for.

You can do it.  This is your year.

The Present

Yesterday, you focused on the past.  Today, I want you to soak  up the present.  Truly stop and look around you.  Sit down and make a list of every single blessing you have.  It might be something small like fabulous shoes or it might be something huge like a new spouse or a new baby.  Truly sit down and think of every single blessing that you can.

Now, take a moment and figure out at least one way that you can take extra care of that blessing in the coming year.  Whether it's something you can do every day or something that you can do once in a blue moon, find a way to think on it.

Instead of worrying about a resolution, worry about how to take care of what you have more efficiently.

Lessons of the Past

I continue my focus on making a better 2017 today.  You can't make a better future until you make peace with the past. So here's what I want you to do.....

There are four days left in 2016.  That's four days to begin to pick out life lessons from the past.  Of course, the past is not a pleasant place and people don't like to dwell there.  I'm not asking you to.  As the matter of fact, I'm asking you NOT to.  I'm just asking you to think back on the bad stuff.  What did you learn?  What could you take from that to make it better?  Think back on the awesome stuff.  What could you learn from it?

Take a moment today and start thinking of the lessons of the past and how you can apply them to your future.  There's always time to make a change.  Why not start today?

Instead of a Resolution....

Today is the day that people start focusing on resolutions.  So what type of resolution keeper are you?  Are you the person that makes the resolutions and sticks to them 100% of the time.  You are a rarity.  Are you the person that makes the resolutions and keeps them for a month or two and then blows them off?  Are you the person that swears off resolutions altogether?

I'd like to give you something to think on.....

Instead of a resolution this year, resolve to make a lifestyle change.  Make a lifestyle change to exercise more compassion.  Make a lifestyle change to exercise more love for others.  Make a lifestyle change to exercise more kindness.  In all of the aspects that you can, try to be a better person, whatever that looks like.

Let's make 2017 a year to come together as a nation.

Nugget for Christmas!

It's Christmas (though you may celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Solstice or something else).  Today is a day to celebrate what you have and your loved ones.  Today is a celebration of your beliefs and your blessings.  Whatever holiday you celebrate, make it count.

Saturday Nugget

Today....

Exercise 

Some

Holiday

Spirit

Nugget for the day

Today ....

Be

Compassionate

Nugget for the day

Today

....

Be courageous

Mild Rant

Mild Rant:

What happened to the holiday spirit?  Seriously.  At what point did it become okay to honk your horn at every car and yell at everyone around.  Take your Scrooge ass for a coffee and relax.

Rules for Peaceful Walmart Shopping Experience Near the Holidays

Here are the rules for a peaceful Walmart shopping experience near the holidays....

*Don't pause in the middle of the aisle to ponder the meaning of life.  Keep moving or shift to the side of the aisle so others can get by

*Don't freak out if someone stops for a split second

*Do not, I repeat, do not freak out on a cashier for the long line.  It's not their fault and, believe me, it's not what they want either.

*Do not be the jackass that gets through a long line and then says, "Oh wait I forgot to get....." and have someone in your party go off on a trek.  Just don't.

*Do not get road rage over a parking spot.

*Do not get upset when you go shopping on Christmas Eve and Christmas items are out of stock.

*Do  not go at the busiest time of day and attempt to price match every item in your cart.

*Do not yell at, shove, punch, pinch or otherwise bully other shoppers.

These rules apply all of the time but especially exercise during the holiday season.

Post Office Etiquette

Today is the busiest day of the year for the post office so I'd like to offer up some  post office etiquette.....

1.  Wait patiently.  It's literally the busiest day of the year for the post office so you're almost guaranteed a line.  If there's no line, there's still going to be time needed to get things ready to ship. So unbundle your panties and get over it.

2.  Do not sigh, fuss or whine about waiting in line.  You waited.  You deal with it.

3.  If at all possible, do NOT bring your kids and make them wait in line.

4.  With that said, if someone has to bring their kids, understand they probably didn't want to.  Tis the season....be patient.  Don't be a jerk to a parent that has to bring kids.  They're not doing it to frustrate you and if you're one of those people that makes ugly comments to the person behind you in line about these people, shame on you.


5.  Do NOT be rude to the workers. They're doing their best.  So just don't.  If you don't want to deal with them, weigh your package elsewhere and print your own postage.  Bottom line.

6.  Maybe, just MAYBE say a holiday greeting to make someone's day better.  Whatever your choice is....pick one....Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa...doesn't even matter which one.  Pick one and be kind.

Spread the love and not the frustration, today!

Children and their Privacy

There is such a wide debate over privacy your kids should be allowed.  With all the mixed debate, I have my own opinions.  Feel free to use them as inspiration or as a jumping off point to develop your own viewpoint. My only expertise is experience...

You, as a parent, know when something is wrong.  You may not know,  off the top of your head, what those problems are but you definitely know when something is going on.  My first nugget of advice would be to trust your gut.  Don't let anyone else tell you how you need to do it.

Don't invade their privacy unless it's necessary. Let them have their own little private spaces.  If you're concerned that you'll miss something, periodic checks are fine but don't be the parent that gets all their texts sent to your phone.  Why?  Well kids have a way of finding routes around you.  If you constantly monitor every.....single....thing, they will just find a way around and then you are wasting your time monitoring anything.

But...

Don't be afraid to step in if you feel like something's wrong.  If something tweaks your spidey sense (so to speak), don't be afraid to step in.  Sometimes it's necessary to do something that makes your kids uncomfortable if it's about their safety.

You have to make your own choices when it comes to your family but let this be a conversation starter and make a plan now.

Saturday Nugget: Start Now

As the year comes to an end, look back at what you wanted to accomplished.  There's still time to get things done or, at the very least, get them started.  Resolutions don't have to be about doing something the entire year.  Resolutions can just be about choosing to make a positive change.  In fact, maybe there's less pressure to start your workout routine now. Will it make sense to start it when you're ready to purge on holiday yummies?  Probably not.  Does it matter if it makes sense?  No.  You do what feels right and what makes you feel like you've accomplished something great.

A Friday Nugget

My nugget today is simple:  Go and give someone a hug.  You never know who might be needing one.  It might be a reinforcement to a great day or it might be what changes their bad day into something good.  Just hug them and say, "You matter to me. "

Motivation for 2017

The year is almost over.  Take a look back at where you started.  Now think on where you were a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago.  You've come a long way.

Take a breath and take in that sense of accomplishment.  Now here's your mission.....

Take these last 16 days of 2016 and make it the best 16 days of the year.  Focus your attention on deciding what you want to see 2017 hold and start making plans on how to attack those goals.  Set small, attainable goals and bigger goals.  Write it down, tell a friend for accountability.

How can you help others?

What do you want to see happening with your career?

What do you want to see happen with your relationships?

All of these are parts of a bigger picture. Get ready to kick 2017 off with a bang!

Remember Those Less Fortunate

In this season of peace and joy, let us not forget those less fortunate.  There are those who have no food or place to stay.  There are those that are suffering from depression, who have no one to lift them out of it.  There are those without their family members that are deployed.  There are those who can't provide their children a Christmas because they don't have any money to make it happen.  The list goes on and on and it's disheartening. 

Do what you can to make someone's day better.  It  may seem small to you but it might make the world to them.  Forget about your judgments.  Forget about your preconceptions and just remember that all of these are people.  Every one of them has a soul and a heart and they are worth something amazing.

Be the change you want to see.

Kids Trying Something New

My cheer girls got a chance to get back to the basics last night.  More than that, they got a chance to try some new things.  Every girl got a chance to be a base and every girl got a chance to be a flyer (if she wanted).  Every.....single.......one.  Every girl got a chance to try out the different positions of the stunt.  Every girl got a chance to try something different.

Why is that important?

It's important because every dancer should have the ability to explore their artistic abilities.  The looks on their faces as built their confidence by thinking outside the box was incredible.  They loved it!  It was awesome.

What's the point of this post?

The point is to remind your kids to try new things.  It may be that you never speculated they'd be that good.  It may be that it never occurred to you that they'd enjoy it.  On the other hand, they might not enjoy it...but at least they tried.  Kids will never learn who they are if they don't explore.  :)

Merging Into Traffic

Let's touch base on an issue I've discussed before....merging on the highway.  Here are the basics.

1.  You have an on-ramp in order to gain speed.  This is not designed for you to gun it and just race into traffic without looking.  This is also not designed for you to meander along and then get irritated when people keep going.  YOU are responsible for getting up to pace with the other cars.

2.  Look for a space in traffic as you are gaining speed.  It is not the responsibility of the drivers on the highway to match your speed.  It is not the responsibility of the drivers on the highway to slam on their brakes to let you in.  YOU are responsible for looking for a space in traffic.

3.  If someone is polite enough to leave you a gap in bumper to bumper traffic, do NOT act like a jack hole to them.  Wave politely and move into traffic.

4.  Don't be the jerk that forces yourself into traffic.  Just don't.  You're causing accidents when you nose in and assume that the other drivers aren't going to keep pulling over...and just so you know, as the merging driver you will be at fault in the case of an accident.

5. Do NOT be the driver that merges and then jumps, without looking, across three lanes of traffic.  Just don't. You have mirrors for a reason.  You have a neck to check your blind spot.  Seriously there are other drivers on the highway.

Please practice learning to merge and act kindly on the roads. Tis the season and all that.

Win as a Team, Lose as a Team

But..... they lost.

Okay, yes, I get it.  I'm just as disappointed over the Broncos win as you are.  All the couch potato quarterbacks out there are pointing a definitive finger at one player or another.  Perhaps they so quickly forget the lesson they learned as a child playing sports: you win as a team, you lose as a team. You don't win because of just one player and you don't lose because of just one player.  Are there adjustments that need to be made?  Of course.  You seem to forget that this is a rebuilding year, a learning year.  You can be disappointed but don't be a jerk.

You'd do well to also remember this with your family.  Your family is not having struggles because of one person.  They might be the targeted "issue" but the other members are responsible for their responses to this "problem."  It might be enabling or it might be non-support.  It might be someone reacting in a cruel manner and it might be someone reacting in a sugar sweet manner when they need to stand up and say, "no."  You win as a team or you lose as a team.  Remember that.

We need to regain our sense of community in this nation.  We need to remember the greatness we have within us as a country and as individuals.

Be a Force for Change

My nugget for the day is is simple:  Be a force for change.  Even if that change is small and easy for you, it may make the difference between someone's awful day and someone's fantastic day.  Be the change you want to see.

Saturday Nugget: Anxiety

Anxiety moments.  We all have them.  Sometimes it's over crowds or enclosed spaces.  Sometimes it's just over thinking about something.  Even perfectly healthy people have things or places that make them anxious.  Before you get concerned that you need to fix it, just assess it.... is it causing you health issues or such severe anxiety that you can't function?  If it's not, it might not be something you need to worry about.  Essentially, don't worry about worrying.  Anxiety is okay and a healthy function of life when it's in balance with other things.  Breathe and know that you're doing great.

Inconvenience

Kids these days don't understand the concept of inconvenience.  We have I Pads that we bring for waiting rooms instead of the Highlights magazine and bead toys we had when we were kids.  We have DVD players in the car for long car trips instead of "I Spy" and "Are we There Yet?"  Kids play areas are everywhere from the mall to the car dealership and they never have to understand the concept of "sit still and wait."  On the one hand, this is a convenience to us, as parents.  On the other hand, we wonder why the upcoming generation is so impatient and rude.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to teach your children the concept of inconvenience.  It is perfectly acceptable for you to tell them to sit still and wait.  They have to learn it sometime and it is better to teach them now than when they are sixteen or seventeen years old.  It is actually beneficial to teach them to learn to grab a magazine and leaf through it or bring a book to read.  It's beneficial to get them to step away from the electronics and just have to wait patiently.

Think on doing away with the electronic babysitters when you're waiting for something and see how the kids learn to adapt.  It may be something that helps both you and them in the future.

Destination Dance LLC

Let me take a moment and tell you why I love Destination Dance LLC in Wheat Ridge, Colorado.  I grew up in a great dance studio.  We were drilled hard but we were amazing dancers.  We traveled and performed all over.  It was an incredible studio and I still keep in touch with the friends I made and my instructor.

When I looked for a studio for my daughter, I wanted something a little different.  I wanted a place that had an environment oriented around teaching them to love dance first and then getting more strict.  I wanted her to learn technique but also to learn to love and cherish what dance can provide.  I wanted her to learn how to dance but also why dance is so amazing.

Destination Dance has done all of this and more.

The instructors....amazing. They combine technique and passion and are great with the kids.

The curriculum....amazing.

The studio staff....amazing.

There isn't any other word.  If you are in the area, try it out. You won't regret it.

Heroes

My last post concerned villians.... this post is about heroes.  Who are your heroes?

Decades ago, our children's heroes were police officers, firefighters, soldiers and more.  Today, more than half of our children's heroes are celebrities.  Now, let me say that there are a whole lot of celebrities that are truly amazing people.  There are also celebrities that might be great people but they are not great role models for our children and, certainly, not heroes.

We have such a strange filter on our view of celebrities.  We watch their highly publicized good deeds and we think, "Oh what a great person."  What you don't realize is that the $10,000 they donated is a drop in the bucket to them..... it's the equivalent of you donating $10.  It doesn't make it any less wonderful or any less helpful to the organization but they are not a hero for doing it.  Celebrities can be wonderful people but most of them realize they aren't a hero and don't want the title.

Hero is defined as "a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities."  Let's encourage the upcoming generation to find true heroes.... and let's strive toward the qualities of heroes ourselves.

Villains

Our nation is so quick to want to find a villain. It's obvious every time that something goes wrong.  A natural disaster happens and we are quick to blame the environment or an aid organization not coming quickly enough to help or a leader for not being on top of it.  A child dies in an unpreventable accident and we crucify the parent. A divorce happens and we want to pick a side so we can vilify the other side.  It's revolting, frankly.

At what point do we accept that bad things happen without a known cause sometimes?

We are not meant to control every aspect of our lives and when we try too hard to do that, God/The Universe has a way of letting you know that you're not in control.  If it's happening to someone else, know that you don't have to condemn them.  If it's happening to you, know that you're not alone.  If you find yourself making someone into a villain, stop and think:  what evidence do you have to support your claim?  If it's viable evidence from a truly credible neutral source, fine....  you still don't have the right to vilify them to others but you are free to hold the opinion yourself.  If it's not truly a viable NEUTRAL source, please consider exercising compassion.

We wonder why the rates of depression and such are so high?  Have we considered that our nation's attitude is a contributing factor to the problem?

Beauty Inside

There is beauty inside of everyone.  Literally every single person on the planet has some beauty inside of them.  "Well what about murderers, killers and dictators?"  Somewhere deep inside of them, they have it but it's been pushed down with emotional illness. Let's face it: the worst of the worst seldom, if ever, have simple lives that are all sunshine and roses.  Beauty is often pushed to the bottom of their personality and masked behind sociopathic tendencies.

But let's not focus on the worst of the worst....

Let's focus on that shy child that struggles to make friends.  They are beautiful.

Let's focus on the teenage girl that is embarrassed to go against the Kylie Jenner trend and cover up because she feels like her personality is more important.  She is beautiful.

Let's focus on that boy who just can't excel at sports and is picked on for his efforts.  He is beautiful.

Let's focus on that new mom that can't seem to make the transition through the emotional racetrack that is the post partum phase.  She is beautiful.

Let's focus on that man who stepped up to be a stepfather to children that weren't his and never even flinched.  He is beautiful.

Let's focus on that older grandparent whose grandchildren and children neglect to come and see them or even call.  They are beautiful.

There is beauty in all of us no matter how different we are.  Let's look for the beauty in someone else today...and then tell them how wonderful they are.  Spread some love.

Allowing the Tiny Star to Shine

I believe that there is beauty in allowing those that try the hardest

to shine the most.

It's not about who is the most skilled, sometimes.

It's not about who is the most pleasing to the eye of the public.

It's not about who can pay the most money to get something done.

Sometimes....

Just sometimes

It's about letting the tiny star shine in order to show them that they are just as beautiful and bright as all the other stars.

Fear of Failure

Our country seems to have a "no fail" mindset and it's a dangerous way to look at things. If someone missteps in a game, we attack them.  If someone has a bad day, we chew them out for being hostile.  If someone trips up, we feel the need to order them around.  It's a dangerous way to think.  Allow me to explain:

The current generation seems absolutely afraid of failure in any capacity.  They will lie, cheat, steal and kill to get ahead.  They learned it from somewhere, folks.  We absolutely must teach our kids that it is okay to fail sometimes.  Failure is where we learn the most. You see, it's not about teaching them to never fail but, instead, to teach them how to react to failure.  We must teach them that failures can be important lessons and we must study and dissect what went wrong to create a new effort.

We also must enforce that cheaters should not win.  I say this because, clearly, sometimes it happens.  We must teach our kids that cheating doesn't achieve your goal; hard work does!  We must teach them that the rewards reaped are much greater when we work hard and plan well.  We must teach them that we should always strive toward a goal but if we miss the first time, we can get up, dust off and try again.

No fail can be dangerous.  Let's teach this generation about learning through mistakes.

Tuesday Nugget

Every breath, every moment that you are here on this planet, you have a purpose.  It's easy to feel like you are being lost in the shuffle.  It's easy to feel as if you are unimportant.  

You matter.

Find help in finding your purpose but never forget that you have one.

A moment

When you feel like your life is spinning out of control, take a moment.  Take a breath. Everyone feels this way sometimes.  Everyone.  You are not alone.  In fact, you are in the company of the greatest minds on the planet.  It's okay.

Take a moment.

Breathe.

Clear your mind.

Think of 3 things that you are blessed with.

Think of 3 people that you can talk to.

Now...

Think of you to resolve your problem.

Forgiveness

It's easy to be angry. In fact,it's too easy to be angry for some people. What they don't focus on, though, is that anger usually stems from some other emotion.  Often, people are angry because they are hurt.  They might also be afraid.    That's not what this post is about though....

This post is about those that get angry over everything.  In fact, you're probably angry that I'm bringing it up....and that's okay.  Anger can be a healthy thing, when it's only held on to for a short period of time. It's when you hold on to it for days, weeks, months and years that it starts to poison your body and mind.  Your body actually physically reacts to those feelings.  Your mind becomes a trap and everything that comes in, good or bad, comes through that anger filter.

But you can't help being angry, right?

Well, in theory, you can't change who you are but you can change your reaction.  You can choose forgiveness.  It doesn't mean that you've forgotten what happened. It doesn't mean that you are okay with it or that you're admitting fault.  It just means that you're making a choice to not make it your burden anymore.

Today, try forgiveness.  It may change your life.

Saturday Inspiration Nugget

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there for someone. You don't have to do anything huge; just be there.  Be there to listen.  Be there to hold their hand.  Be there to hug them. Just be there.

Spread Some Kindness

With Thanksgiving over and the official start of the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Solstice (or any other holiday you celebrate) season beginning, I'd like to challenge you today.... spread a little kindness.  I don't care if it's something as small as complimenting someone you don't know.  It might be as big as donating Christmas presents to a family that can't afford them.  Whatever it is, spread some kindness.

The world is such an angry place sometimes.  Our country is at odds with each other over everything from the results of the Presidential elections to the way we phrase our sentences.  Instead of focusing on how much anger you can have, spread a little kindness.  Take a moment to make someone else's day better...and the worse your day is, the more you should try.

Why?

Because kindness begets kindness.  Because you are better than the day you're having.  Because you are blessed, even if it's hard to see sometimes.

I challenge you every day for the next thirty days to spread some kindness and see how your world changes.

Suicide Prevention

This Thanksgiving, I want to take time to remember that there are those that are thankful in worse situations than anyone reading this.  Always remember that there is always someone that has it worse than you.  Find the blessings in the small things.  Take that moment and breathe.  Remember that you are loved by someone; in fact you are loved by many someones, even if you don't know it.

If you are feeling hopeless today, know that you are loved.  Talk to someone and if you can't find a way to talk to someone around you, talk to someone you don't know.  Make that connection; feel that love within this beautiful world.  If you are feeling suicidal, please seek help.  Here is the information:

1-800-273-8255
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Know that you are loved.  Know that there IS someone to talk to.  You are on this earth for a reason

Melting Pot

In this time of great separation in our country, I'd like to say the following:

Our country was founded on the concept of it being a melting pot.  As everything does, this has evolved over time to mean something so much more.  It doesn't just mean immigrants now; it means different religions, different cultures, different sexual preferences, different appearances, disabilities and so much more.  It means that our country should feel safe to all of its citizens.  You don't have to agree with everyone and I wouldn't want to.  The world is so much more of an interesting place when we can all have beautiful, separate minds to process things different ways, think of new ideas and so on.  Please stop judging those around you.  Love them.  Make this nation a safe place where people feel accepted and loved.  Be the change you want to see.

LGBT Curriculum in California Schools

There is quite an uproar over California adding LGBT curriculum into their school system.  One far side of this declares that it "has no place within the schools."  The other says "it's the only way to teach tolerance."  Here are my thoughts on the topic.  Brace yourself because you may not like them.

1.  Sex ed, in general, needs to be taught age-appropriately.  Second graders, in general, do not have a concept of what sex is and cannot understand it in its full capacity (the emotional ties that come with it, etc).  Is it okay for them to be taught general anatomy, etc at that age? Absolutely.  

2.  I see no problem with teaching little Susie that child 1 may have a mom and a dad while while child 2 has stepparents, child 3 has foster parents, child 4 is from a single parent household, child 5 has grandparents raising him, and child 6 has two moms.  I see no issue with educating kids of any age that every household is different and that who raises a child (whether it's any of these situations or another) doesn't matter as much as how much the child is loved and cared for.

3.  I see no problem with including education on different sexual preferences in sexual education at an age-appropriate level.  In fact, I think it's appropriate to discuss the fact that different people have different preferences.  I absolutely agree that it teaches tolerance and an understanding that different people think differently.

4.  While I can see the point of those that say "sex education should be taught at home," I am also concerned about the kids that wouldn't get that education.  Statistically speaking, sex ed being taught in schools has helped kids be more educated on the topics that their parents might feel uncomfortable discussing.  What I can hope is that the teachers discuss it and then the kids go home and discuss it with their parents and get a balanced view of the educational portion vs the personal views portion.  Most of my reason for hoping this, though, is that the children are developing an open atmosphere with their parents to discuss freely what they're thinking about.

5.  I think the side of the argument that is so concerned, on the whole, is fearful of what they don't understand.  Here's the thing: they're not going to be showing lesbian porn to teach the kids anything any more than they use straight couple porn to teach kids (just to be clear, they don't use any porn...that's my point).  This isn't an issue of purity in our kids.  This is an issue of people that aren't fully educated on the topics and haven't fully sat down with members of the LGBT community to hear their stories.  This is an issue of fear of the unknown.

6.  Finally, let's be frank.  If this is an issue of "purity" or "religious preference" (i.e. I don't want my kids hearing about homosexuality because the Bible forbids it) than you are the worst kind of hypocrite.  Open your eyes to the world.  No matter what your religious preference, homosexuality and transgenderism exist and they are going nowhere.  People that have hidden in the shadows for years out of fear are finally finding their voices and they deserve to be heard because they are beautiful souls.  Choosing not to educate kids on topics that you "don't like" or "don't believe in" is ridiculous.  How will your child feel, then, if they want to tell you that they're gay?  Condemned? Ashamed?  Is that more healthy than what you're against?

I think that people need to stop assuming that education is a bad thing.  Education is education and you can absolutely add to it at home, and should.  If you choose to home school over issues like this, fine.  I hope you still teach your kids that the world is so much bigger than the 1950s perspective of what a family looks like or what courtship looks like. The world has all kinds of people with all kinds of preferences and that's what makes it such a beautiful place.  You don't to agree to love.

Problems

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

-Albert Einstein-

I'm posting this today because there is someone, in fact more than one someone, that needs to see this.  Our problems can seem overwhelming, at times.  We can feel as if it is too much to bear.  It's not. We just need to adjust our thinking.

Take a minute to look from a different view, no matter how difficult it seems.  Take a moment to take a deep breath and look around.  How could you view this in a different light?  What would make this more bearable?

Every tiny step you take away from a problem is a step toward a solution. It may seem that you're not moving a bit some days and other days you will move leaps and bounds.  Do the best you can.  Be strong.  When you can't be strong, find someone who can be strong with you or for you.  It will all be okay.

Curiosity tidbit

For my Sunday tidbit, I just want to share a special quote:

"The important thing is to not stop questioning.  Curiosity has its own reason for existing." 

- Albert Einstein

Always, always, keep learning.  The moment you stop is the moment you lose hope.

Peppermint Mocha

Keeping my Saturday post light, I'd like to give you a little tip.  Starbucks has released peppermint mocha's that you can make in your Keurig (or other such device).  I sampled one last night and I will say the following:

1.  It's a bit more work but very worth it. Instead of just putting in the K cup, you add a packet into the cup ahead of time.

2.  Stir WELL.  Don't skimp on the stirring.

3.  If you REALLY want it to taste like the real thing, spray some whipped cream on top.  

All things said, it's virtually the same thing with only a slight flavor variation and ranks higher on my list than McDonald's peppermint mocha's (blech).   I got my box of 6 peppermint mocha K cup kits for just under $6 which is less than the cost of most Starbucks drinks.

**Side note:  If you ARE set on going to a real Starbucks and getting the real thing, get it turned into a frappuccino.  Seriously, game changer.

Naysayers

As you walk your journey in life, people are not always going to be on your side.  There will be naysayers who tell you that you can't do what you are striving for.  There will be critics that will find a way to crap on your dream no matter how great it is.  There will be negative nellies that tell you that you can't do it.  There will be doubters to tell you that you aren't capable.

Don't let their rancid attitudes steal your dream.

Their attitudes say more about THEM than YOU.  They are so unhappy with their lives that they want to make everyone else miserable.  They want to push you off your mountain that you've worked so hard to climb because if you are truly as successful as you know that you'll be, it will make them feel like a failure.  They don't understand anything about your journey and they don't want to.

They are not your ruler by which to measure success.

You are worth so much more.  You are capable of so much more.  You are unique and wonderful in more ways than these boo-ers will ever understand.  Ignore them.  Smile and nod and let them feel like they're saying something and then move on.  You are remarkable and you don't need the validation of anyone else to let you know that.

Keep being you.  You're doing great!

Focusing on Blessings

How much better or easier would your life be if you focused your attention on how blessed you are?  Instead of "I wish I had" or "fuck my life," what if you spent your time just focusing on the things in your life that are going right?  It sounds simple enough but it's harder, for some, than you may think.

In this season of giving, let's take a moment to focus.  No matter how small the blessings are, you woke up today.  You have air to breathe, a sun in the sky (even if it's cloudy) and clothes on your back.  You may not be as blessed as what you perceive someone else to be and that's okay.  You don't have to gauge your blessings by someone else's life.  You gauge it by your own.

Every day, make it a point to think about what you love about your life.  Own those blessings and find a way to spread blessings to others.....and then keep doing it.  Eventually, you will find yourself changing and evolving toward a new habit.  You're doing great! Think about your accomplishments and gifts.

Side note:  Tis the season where depression runs rampant.  If you are feeling lost or depressed, please please please know that there is a purpose for you.  Someone needs you right now and you are wanted.  If you have any doubt of that, you let me know. Even if I don't personally know you, I'll listen.  I'll do my best to remind you of how wonderful you are.  Don't lose hope.

KBPI Denver

I'm taking a moment to brag on one more "business"....KBPI (a radio station).

I am an avid listener for many reasons.  Of course, I love the music.  They play songs that I like and the commercials aren't aggravatingly often.  That said, there are more reasons and they stem from the great DJs.

I'm a particular fan of the morning show and Beardo in the afternoons.  The Morning Show with Willie B, Sweet Cheeks and Scoop is a must-listen for me.  Willie is one of the most giving and generous "celebrity" I've seen.  He is always looking for ways to help the community, veterans and anyone else that he can.  Beardo is one of the most humble, nice guys you'll ever listen to.  Just a great array of DJs to share music and personalities.

There are a few more hours left to donate to "The Hand That Feeds" which is a KBPI event with Christopher Dodge World in Golden, CO.  They are accepting non perishable goods to feed families in need this holiday season.  Be there and do what you can!

Amazing Dance Studio

I'm not so big on the name drops but the next couple posts are gonna highlight a couple of amazing "businesses" in the Denver area.....

Destination Dance LLC is an amazing little dance studio nestled into a great location in Wheat Ridge, Colorado.  The teachers are all friendly and just as concerned with making class enjoyable as they are with teaching technique.  The small class size allows great one-on-one interaction and makes for a fun learning experience.  The classes are affordable, especially compared to other studios in the area.  There are great opportunities to perform as well as compete in National competitions.

Currently the classes range from ballet and lyrical to jazz, hip hop, cheer/pom, musical theater and everything in between.  There are individual lessons available at a reasonable rate.  There are also family discounts for those with more than one child involved.  A trial class is offered to any and all perspective students and they love seeing new faces!

Here is the information....

Destination Dance LLC
4550 Wadsworth Blvd Unit H
Wheat Ridge, CO
303-941-9554
www.destinationdancellc.com

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

I recently did the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and it blew my mind how accurate it was. It nailed my personality to a tee and my habits more effectively than I could have ever thought possible.  It was uncanny.

I wonder how much more effectively our world would work if we all took a little bit of time to try to really look at who our friends and family are and how they function.  Look at their personality, their habits, how they feel love and express it.  I wonder how much of a difference we could make if we embraced other's differences.

I challenge you, this week, to do the Myers-Briggs test, if possible, and to spend the time to truly look at those around you.  Look within and know that they have unique qualities that make their habits natural to them.  Try to see how you can accommodate their needs. Show compassion and see how your world changes.

Just a Quote

"No problem can ever be solved with the consciousness that created it.  We must learn to see the world anew."  - Albert Einstein-

Respect, Dignity, and True Listening

This election cycle (and not just one side) seems to have brought out the worst in so many.  We went from a group of adults that were mostly able to discuss things freely and to a group of small children.  "Well I like red best." - "No red is stupid.  Blue is better."  - "Doo doo head." - " Meanie face."  I mean THIS was pretty much what so many people have boiled down to.  The conservatives that fed into this called all democrats "Libtards", referred to the President as "Obummer", and treated others as if they were dumb.  The liberals that fed into it called conservatives "racists," "bigots," and everything in between.  And here...in between....were those of us that didn't want to name call.  We just wanted what's best for our country.

I'm here to ask something that I consider to be simple.  STOP.

Stop with the hate speech on both sides of the aisle.  Not all conservatives are racists.  Not all liberals are cry babies.  Not all Christians are hate-mongers.  Not all Muslims are terrorists.  In fact, the vast majority of all of these "labels" are just people who love this country and want amazing things for it.  The vast majority of these "labels" are the exact opposite of what the accusations say.  Yet, still, we look at the one bad strawberry in the patch and say, "Well the whole patch is rotten."

I don't pretend to understand everyone's viewpoints.  In fact, part of the reason why I enjoy having such a diverse group of friends is that I love hearing all different perspectives.  Sometimes it changes my mind on things but sometimes we just agree to disagree.  It doesn't make them better or worse than me; it just makes us accepting of other's differences.

So,please....STOP.  Stop the hate speech.  Stop the name-calling.  I challenge you to truly LISTEN to someone on the other side of the argument.  Don't listen to respond but listen to hear.  Let them tell you why they believe the way they do.  Maybe it will change your mind and maybe it won't but I can assure you that we will achieve much more as a country and as a republic if we remember the melting pot we were designed to be and treat each other with the dignity and respect that we, ourselves, expect.

Veterans Day Plea

Today, we honor our Veterans.  We honor those that fought for our nation in whatever capacity that was.  Every job of every branch is important and deserving of great honor for their service.  In saying this, I beseech everyone to please avoid the negativity associated with the post-election craziness.  Please just put it aside for one day.  Protest if you must but please, for the love of God, don't stomp on the flag because it absolutely (even if it's unintentional on your part) shows disdain for all of those that have fought before you.  Please refrain from stomping on or setting an American flag on fire.  Please.  I'm asking you as a personal favor.

I will support the right to peacefully protest for the rest of my  life.  I will defend those of any race, religion, cultural background, sexual preference, gender or any other "difference".  I will defend those with disabilities, challenges, those that aren't able to fight for themselves.  I will defend those that can't get enough food or clean water or anything else.  I will fight for you and I will defend your right to peacefully protest, even if I don't agree with your perspective but please don't disrespect our nation's flag.  It doesn't prove your point any more clearly.  Please.

We are all in this together, America.  Let's reboot our collective minds here and focus it, today on honoring the amazing men and women that have fought for our country and the freedoms we exercise every day.

Thank you to each and every member of each and every branch of the military.  You are incredible.

Let Them Peacefully Protest

To almost every supporter of President-Elect Trump before the election,

Please, please, please stop being judgmental jerks over the protests going on outside Trump Tower (and elsewhere).  You can roll your eyes.  That is your right.  You can disagree.  That is your right.  You can bring up that there weren't massive protests when President Obama was elected.  That is your right.

THEY CAN PEACEFULLY PROTEST.  That is their right.

It is NOT their right to loot.  That is illegal.  It is NOT their right to be violent.  That is illegal.  It is NOT their right to bully or threaten others.  That is illegal.  However, don't assume that every single protester is doing these things.  They're not.  Many just want their voice heard.  It is their right, in our great country, to peacefully protest.

Chances are that, soon, everything will go back to normal life.  Everyone will go back to work.  Everyone will go back to their daily lives.  People won't forget anything but they will certainly go back to life.  Chances are that everything will calm down sooner than you might think.

If you think for a heartbeat of a second that supporters of our President-Elect wouldn't have done the same if he had not won, you are delusional.  Calm down, let them peacefully protest and know that things will be calmer soon.

United We Stand

After what can only be described as an insane election season and a very unexpected outcome, can we please just all take a moment.  Take a deep breath.  Close your eyes and realize that the world has not ended.  Realize that it's going to be okay.

I don't know if you voted for Hillary, Trump or a third party.  I don't know if you wrote in a candidate of your own.  I honestly don't know and it doesn't matter now.  What matters now, more than ever, is that we come together as a nation.  We don't have to agree on every point.  I'm not saying you have to wear a "Trump" button or a "Make America Great Again" hat.  What I'm saying is that we need to stand with our fellow man (and woman) and remember that we live in the greatest country in the world.

Stop with the "Well if you voted for Hillary, then....." or "If you voted for Trump then...." or for that matter, "Well if you voted third party then...." No.  Just no.  Voting for Hillary didn't mean that you supported the negative things she did.  Voting for Trump didn't mean that you supported the negative things that he did.  Voting for third party was not throwing away a vote.  You voted with your heart.  You voted for them because you believed in their policies and in their promises.  You voted for them because you believed that they were the best person for the job.  You don't have to explain yourself to anyone and anyone that is judging you based on who you voted for is forgetting that they are undermining democracy at its finest.  In short, we can agree to disagree and still be friends because we live in a great nation where we all have a chance to have a voice.

Trump-voters, please stop jumping down Hillary voters throats and saying, "Get on board."  Stop shaming them.  Stop treating them as if they need to forget what happened less than twenty four hours ago.  They are processing what's going on.  Very few expected things to go this way and they're still trying to swallow the bitter candy that they didn't think they'd ever even taste.  Stop gloating and give them a minute to grieve.

Hillary voters, please stop shaming Trump voters and saying they don't care.  Stop name-calling because voting for Trump doesn't make you a bigot.  Remember that the President doesn't call all of the shots, okay? Congress is there for a reason.  We are a nation of checks and balances and we have  executive, judicial and legislative branches for a reason.

The President, Hillary herself and many others (as well as President Elect Trump) are calling for our unity and I couldn't agree more.  Let's come together and bring jobs back to our nation.  Let's come together and unite as one people and show the world that we are America.  We are the greatest nation in the world.  We are a republic built on liberty and freedom.  You are going to be okay.  We're all going to be okay.  Let's all stop jumping down each other's throats and just love one another through this.

Why Are They So Respectful

I get asked, frequently, what I do with my kids that makes them so respectful.  My answer seems to confused people: half of it is dumb luck and the other half is teaching them to learn to respectfully think and do for themselves.  Luck?  Really?  Yes.....yes, really.  Some of parenting is just dumb luck.  There are plenty of parents that do an incredible job and their children still rebel or end up making really poor decisions that affect the rest of their lives negatively. (Note that I did not say that they end up with bad kids.... I have a very strong opinion of people using that term).  There are some parents that are completely uninvolved and still turn out with incredible kids.  SOME of it is dumb luck.

The other part, I believe, is in the other half of that sentence.  There are three portions of it.
        1.  Respect
        2.  Think for themselves
        3.  Do for themselves

I believe that respect is of the utmost important in the parenting process.  I respect my children enough to allow them privacy but they also know that I am still their parent.  If I need to, I will invade that privacy to make sure they stay safe.  I won't feel bad about it.  The other half of this pendulum is teaching THEM to respect.  I am a bit old school and I believe that children need to learn to respect adults but they also need to learn to respect each other.  They need to learn to accept the differences of others as a positive.

They need to learn to think for themselves.  Does it get irritating at times?  Of course.  It would be easier some days if they would just fall into step.  The problem is that they need to be thinking, learning people in their adult lives.  Teaching them to blindly believe what I believe will only cripple them as adults.

They need to learn to do things themselves.  I'll repeat that:  they need to learn to do things themselves.  I don't baby them.  I teach them to thrive in the real world.  They can independently do many of the things that actual adults in the world today cannot do.  They are able to cook, clean, do laundry, ride the bus, make a budget and do many of the other things they will need to do in their grown life.

I'm not concluding that this is the recipe for success for every person but it works for me.  Food for thought.

Keeping a Positive Attitude

Keeping a positive attitude is half the battle.  It may seem hard to do, if you're facing hardships.  In fact, it may seem impossible.  Trust me, it's not.  Take that small step to think of one way you're blessed.  Then think of another blessing...and another....and another.  That's how you start! One teeny tiny step at a time!

Now do that every single morning.  Spend just a couple of minutes every morning thinking of how positive you want your day to be! It truly will change the course of your day, week and month.  Try it for thirty days, then sixty days, then ninety days.  Slowly, but surely, you will forget how to think negatively.  Your thinking will evolve.

Now watch how it affects your life.....

That positive thinking will help you to be more motivated.

That positive thinking will be contagious to many around you.

That positive thinking will inspire others.

That positive thinking will have you feeling more energetic.  

You can achieve great things!  Today's the day to get started!

To Every Dancer

To Every Dancer in Every Dance Studio in the world,

You are amazing.  

You are beautiful.

You are a force to be reckoned with.

You are strong.

You have everything you need inside of you to be the dancer that you want to be.

It doesn't matter what's going on at school....

It doesn't matter what's going on at home......

It doesn't matter what's going on with your friends.....

It doesn't matter what's going on with your with your family.

          Dance it off.

Dance like no one is looking.

Dance like there is nothing else in the world that can affect you.

Dance what's in your heart.  Show the world what you can do.

Maybe you take dance for one hour a week, maybe it's every day of the week.

Maybe you love ballet, maybe it's hip hop or tap.

Maybe you strive to be part of a company one day or dance professionally, maybe not.

Maybe you have beautiful turnout or naturally graceful form and maybe you have to work harder

Maybe your kicks are to your nose and maybe they're not even waist high. 

         It doesn't matter.  Dance anyway.  You don't have to be perfect; you just have to be you.

You see, dance is not JUST about form and technique.  Those are the foundation.

On top of that foundation are the bricks of emotion.  Pour yourself into it.

Pour that love you have into it.

You are incredible and the world is proud of you.

Love,

A Dance Teacher that wishes every dancer heard this more often

Do Your Best

Big changes are always hard..... always.  Even when you get excited about them.  Even when you think you are really prepared, they always present a challenge.  Here's my biggest piece of advice that I can give..... Do your best to accept the LITTLE changes that come with the big changes.  Do your very best to accept the little changes because they're coming....in abundance.  The reality is that it takes a bunch of teeny tiny changes to make a big one.  Sometimes it's changes in your lifestyle or habits.  Sometimes it's changes in your environment.  Sometimes it's changes in who your surround yourself with.  It can be anything but try to be ready to go with the flow as much as possible.

How much Greater

Today, I'll just leave you with a thought....

How much more wonderful would our world be if we accepted other's differences and embraced them as our own?  How much more wonderful would it be if we looked at how others thought different than we did and applauded them for simply making a choice on what they decided?

Give Our Children a Voice

We need to stop trying to silence our children.  We need to look deeper at what they're trying to say.  It's as simple as that.  Allow me to explain....

I am a firm believer in children learning boundaries.  I believe that children need to learn that there is a time and a place to exercise your opinion.  Our job, as parents and caregivers, is to teach them to function in the adult world and creative productive adults.  We definitely need to teach them to respect adults, pay attention in class (or jobs), do their best and all of the other important lessons that encourage kids to productive adulthood.

Here's the thing.....

We need to give them a voice too.  I'm not talking about encouraging them to complain about every little thing and try to be the boss of their house.  What I'm talking about is encouraging them to explain themselves.  I'm talking about encouraging them to be involved and to shape their future through using their voices.  I'm talking about teaching them to speak up when they need to...speak up for themselves, speak up for their friends, speak up for their community.  I'm talking about empowering them and letting them have  a say in their lives and how they spend their days.  (No that does not mean allowing them to participate in harmful activities just because they want to).

Give them a voice and teach them to use it.

Unique Qualities

Every child on this planet (and every adult, for that matter) has the potential for greatness.  Let me repeat that....every single child on this planet has the potential for greatness.  EVERY child has incredible gifts that were put inside them.  EVERY child has strengths and unique qualities that no one else has.  Some of them require words and some are completely non-verbal.  Some require grand gestures of grandeur and some are just gifted with giving people a warm feeling simply by being there.  Some are great dancers with amazing technique and others are great dancers simply because they love it so much and convey it in their movements.  Some are beautiful singers and some are great mathematicians.  The point is that every child has something unique inside of them when you allow them to do what they love.  While it's a great idea to expose them to many different things, it is not a good idea to force them into things (especially at a young age). Let them figure out what they love and what they are great at and then find a way to encourage it!

Vote

We are just a week away from election day and I couldn't be happier.  No seriously, I couldn't be happier.  I'm incredibly sick of seeing the political ads stabbing at each other but no one saying what they'll ACTUALLY do to help the state of our state/nation.  I'm sick to death of hearing the touching music played as they show negative quotes that make it sound like whichever candidate intentionally wants to hurt children or women or the constituents of the state/country.  I have never been a voter in an election that has caused me to spend so much time saying, "Can't we all just get along?"

Look, I will not ever tell you who you should vote for.  I won't even hint at it.  Part of the beauty of living in our beautiful nation is that you don't have to discuss it with anyone.  More importantly, I don't have a single desire to want to tell anyone what to do with their life or their vote.  What I do ask you to do is use your voice.  Use your vote to make that voice heard.  Educate yourself and then cast your ballot for whatever candidates you think are best.

Celebrate your freedom.

Halloween Advice

Here are my 5 big nuggets of advice/commentary on Halloween this year......

1.  If your children are of the "older trick or treater" variety, please teach them to take a step back for the younger kids if they're all rushing to the door at the same time.  The young 'ens have less experience and will, often, freeze up if they're shoved out of the way.  Not to mention, we should be teaching our older kids to be good examples anyway.  Seriously, tell them to take a step back, encourage the little ones forward first and then get their candy.  Compassion, helpful attitudes and patience are always important lessons.

2.  If you are a clown or you decided to let your kid dress up as a clown, just be aware that this is not a great year for it, especially with the kids.  You are opening yourself up to a whole lot of scared people who may react out of fear if you try to scare them.  In short, don't be a dick because it's a good way to get shot by an unsuspecting homeowner that is just trying to protect their home and think that you're attacking them.

3.  "Please" and "Thank you".  Seriously.  Use them early and use them often.  If my kids are rude at someone's house, I make them return their candy.  Believe me....they make it a priority.

4.  Please don't be the house that says "aren't you too old?"  They might well be "too old" but at least they're not out egging houses and causing mischief.  Worse yet, at least they aren't out partying and getting drunk or drugged out.  Be part of the solution, not the problem.  It's not really costing you much to give them a piece of candy and tell them they have a great costume.

5.  Stranger danger.  I can't stress this enough.  Halloween is prime time for people to be able to snatch kids.  Keep your kids close and teach them to not walk away with ANYONE else.  Candy is not worth disappearing.  Halloween is a fun holiday but child abductions are a very real thing.  If your kids are going out "on their own," make sure they do it with a group.  Keep them safe.  Monsters aren't always dressed that way; they often look more innocent than most.

Families are Teams

I believe that one of the most important things you can teach your children that your family is a team. One child isn't better than the other.  Each child has their strengths and weaknesses.  Each child has their role to play in the family and the roles, like a teams role, are constantly evolving.  We aren't meant to compete with each other; we are meant to encourage each other.  We should encourage strength and support in other's weaknesses.  We should be there to cheer on and encourage their strengths and help them develop them even more.  Teaching them that they are a team early on encourages them to cheer for each other.  Will they still fight?  Sure.  Will they still have disagreements and ugly moments?  Of course.  The fact remains that they will learn that family is meant to have each other's backs.  We are meant to be here for each other.

"Well, if you loved your kid enough, you'd be there....."

"Well if you cared enough about your kid,  you'd just take off work..."  I hear this from other parents pretty frequently.  My job happens to be pretty flexible and I can make it to a good deal of my children's school activities and such.  My work at the studio is also relatively fluid, if necessary.  I have incredible bosses who understand the importance of family.  Unfortunately, some people are not as fortunate.

Before you judge a single mom (or dad) and say the aforementioned phrase, I want you to take a few moments to stop and think.  Single parents (and working parents in general) aren't working long hours and/or multiple jobs because they want to escape their children; they're doing it to financially support their children.  Belittling them for not being able to make it to every school activity is wrong on so many levels.  Making it to the Halloween class party has nothing to do with whether or not they love their child.  What you don't know is that they can't make it to the class party because they made sure to schedule to take time to take them trick or treating.  What you don't know is that they can't make it to the holiday party because they took off special time to make it to a special family Hanukkah celebration.  You see, as you judge them for how much they care about their kid, you don't realize that they have to prioritize to make sure that their child gets those special events.  Not all jobs are flexible, folks.  Working parents have to prioritize, sometimes, to balance and they don't need your shaming.  They just don't.

Look, despite what you might think, your children are not going to grow up and think, "You know, I thought my mom loved me but she missed my third grade Halloween party so I must be wrong."  Your children don't define your love based on whether or not you make it to every single school event (especially those during the day).  Yes, it is more important to give your children time than stuff but that doesn't mean that if you miss something that is (brace yourselves room moms because it sounds harsh but I promise I don't mean it in a cruel way) somewhat trivial, it's not the end of the world.  They will be no worse for the wear.

So if you're a working mom and you hear this, what can you do?  My advice is to say, "I hate that I can't be there but I'm so thankful that there are moms that ARE able to make it to make the day special.  Thank you."  Not only are you being the bigger person AND thanking them for their volunteerism but you are also letting them know that the topic is no longer up for discussion.  They see that you are not bothered that you can't be there for the apple bobbing and cupcake decorating because you'll do your own activities outside of the school building.

If you're the mom that is saying this phrase, there is still time to change.  Stop and think.  Are you being productive with your words?  Are you encouraging others?  Don't hide behind a "well I just tell it like it is" attitude.  If you are guilting other parents like this, you're not "telling it like it is," you're being an asshole.  Just know that we, as working parents, appreciate you (even if you don't hear it enough...and often, you probably don't) and that we are just doing our best just like you.  Thank you for being there to make these events special.

We can all be part of the same team and do different things but we need to be helpful to each other and encourage each other in this crazy roller coaster of life.  Be the change you want to see.

Stop and Think

My son is an amazing kid but he's open to teenage drama just like anyone else.  I asked him this morning why he was, out of the blue, avoiding his best friend and always wanting to hang out with this other friend.  His response was that his best friend was "acting like a jerk" and "roasting him 24/7."  I took a deep breath (you know the one...you know you're about to piss your kid off but you have to do what's right as a parent) and asked him, "Why do you think that is?"

Then we had a talk.

We talked about some incidents from the past weekend that he hadn't thought about where, maybe just maybe, his friend felt neglected by him.  We talked about some incidents where maybe, just maybe, his friend felt like he was not being included.  We talked about how he felt when people did those things to him.  We talked about the fact that , sometimes, what seems innocent and nonchalant to you may be a completely different experience to someone else.  We talked about how he might be contributing to his friend treating him that way.

He got an attitude right off the bat and seemed to be blowing me off.  I had to trust that I had planted a seed.  I had put the concept in his head and I had to trust years of parenting him to know that he would really think about what I'd said, even if it made him mad.

About twenty minutes later, he came back and said that he thought I was right.  Now comes the hard part...."I'm glad you thought about it.  What are YOU going to do to fix it?"  He's not a baby anymore.  I can't go talk to his friend's mom and arrange a playdate to fix things.  It is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to resolve what's going on.  I'll say that again: it is HIS responsibility.  That's right, folks.  I'm not responsible for fixing his problems.  I'm responsible for encouraging him to see what he might be doing to contribute to the problem and then DISCUSSING how HE can fix it.

But he's just a child.

That's right.  He's a child and he needs to learn how to solve problems on his own before he becomes an adult.  I'm here to guide him but I'm not here to carry him.  I'm not here to pat his shoulder and say, "Let mommy fix it" when it's something that he's capable of handling (with some support).  Does he like that I point out when he's not acting right?  No.  Does he like that I don't solve it for him?  Probably not.  It's not my job to make his life easy, though; it's my job to make him into a capable, well-mannered adult that can function in the real world.  Sometimes, that requires me to step outside of my comfort zone and tell him things that he doesn't want to hear.

I'm happy to report that he made a wise choice and apologized.  I'm happy to report that he stopped blaming and started analyzing it to figure out what might be causing it.  What I'm even more happy about, though, is that he handled it on his own.  I'm happy that my guidance was enough to make him think twice.  Now, as he ages, he will always have that seed planted to make him think twice about how he might be contributing.  Sometimes, he may not be the cause at all and that's okay.  Sometimes, he might just need to analyze to figure out how he can help (even if he's not the cause) and that's something I'm sure he will start to come into as he ages.  The point is that he is learning how to manage life so that he isn't panicking when he's older and can't figure out why his wife is mad at him.

Parenting isn't always fun.  As they get into their teenage years, it's less about saying "no-no" and more about saying, "What do you think I'm going to say?"  It's less about saying, "Absolutely not happening" and more about saying, "Tell me why I should allow this and what you're going to do to make sure that this doesn't turn out badly."  It's not about me trying to stop him from doing every little thing but more about making him stop to think about how the choices he makes affect him.  I won't always be around to stop him from doing dumb stuff but those words and these lessons will be around for life.  Stop and think is ALWAYS a beneficial thing to know.

So if your kid gets mad at you today (or any day) for being a parent, just know that it this, too, shall pass.  You'll thank yourself and society will thank you later on for not raising an entitled twit.

Bullying Solutions

I saw a meme today saying that we are raising a generation of sissies.  I agree.  What I didn't agree on was the fact that the meme simply states "Bullying happens."  No, no it doesn't "happen."  Bullying is an action; it's a choice.  It doesn't just "happen."  While I feel that it's important to teach our kids how to defend themselves, it is NOT  the solution to teach them that fighting is a way to solve things.  Almost any martial arts (or similar activity) will tell you that you learning how to defend yourself doesn't mean you jump on everyone that comes by; you use it only when you NEED to.  Defense is about protecting yourself if someone is attacking.

We definitely need to teach our children how to protect themselves but we need to teach them how to advocate for themselves, too.  We need to teach them how to handle it when someone even STARTS bullying; before it moves further along.

More than that, we need to step up as a society.  We need to stop accepting it as if it's normal.  We need to start calling out our children if they bully.  It's not okay to bully ANYONE....ever.  We need to stop letting our children believe that they can pick and choose who they need to treat with respect.  We need to okay our schools to step up and handle it, even if it means that your child may be the one that gets punished.  We need to be on top of this.  It won't happen overnight but it needs to happen.

While I fully agree that we are raising sissies, we don't need to raise bullies either.  Let's focus on raising kids who treat everyone with dignity and respect.

Try

"If at first you don't succeed, try again."  It's something that you hear all the time.  It's a quote that every parent repeats and every teacher pounds into their student's heads.  But what if you feel like you can't try?  What if you're at the bottom of your rope and you don't know how to let go?  What if you feel like you don't want to get out of bed because it's just too hard?

Try.

I'm not even going to tell you to fake it until you make it.  I'm not going to tell you to pretend ANYTHING.  I just want you to take one breath at a time.  I want you to just get out of bed. Then focus on just taking a shower.  Then focus on just getting dressed.  One step at a time, you'll get through.  Try.  Keep trying and when you can't think of what to do next, keep trying some more.

Now I want to talk to the friends of those that can't try.  You need to try even harder.  I'm not asking you to fix things; there's no guarantee you can do that.  I want you to try.  I want you to call them to check on them and if they don't answer, keep calling. I want you to check on them.  I want you to do whatever you can to let them know you're there. Even if they turn you down a thousand times to go do something, try.  Even if they snap at you, try.  They are traveling a road that they are struggling to even see right now.  Try.  Just try.

You are Beautiful

You are beautiful.  Yes, you!  Don't let the world tell you what beautiful is.  Don't let the world tell you that the only "beautiful" women are the Kardashian wannabes.  Don't let the world tell you that your hair has to be straight or long or wavy or short.  Don't let the world tell you that you can't wear glasses.  Don't let the world tell you that can't dress a certain way if you want to be considered beautiful.  You are beautiful right where you're at.

Look in the mirror right now.  You were created to be exactly who you are and you are absolutely beautiful.  Believe it.  Tell yourself every day, ten times a day until you do.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  Know that you don't have to prove yourself.  You're amazing.  Your beauty runs so much deeper than skin, too.  You are beautiful to the depths of your soul.  You are kind and caring.  You are compassionate.  You are everything you need to be right now in your heart; it just has to shine through every day.

Each and every one of you....

Loving Unconditionally

I was told, recently, that being a friend means that you are supposed to support someone regardless of what they do.  The speaker defined this as "unconditional love."  I blatantly disagree.  In fact, this opinion of "unconditional love" is what makes me cringe.  Here's the skinny on this topic....

Unconditional love is not doing whatever someone wants.  Unconditional love is not always agreeing with them even when it's wrong.  Unconditional love is not supporting someone's decisions regardless of what they do.  Let me repeat that:  unconditional love is not supporting someone's decisions regardless of what they do.  Unconditional love means loving someone right where they're at.  It means loving them in spite of their weaknesses.  In fact, unconditional love is loving someone so much that you're willing to fight for them and with them (and this is NOT referring to physical fighting.)

You are NOT required to support someone's bad decisions if you unconditionally love them.  In fact, it is your duty to lovingly let them know that what they're doing might be a poor decision.  If they change their mind, great.  If they don't, its your job to be there for them to pick them up when the bad decision doesn't work out.  Loving someone means that they are allowed to make mistakes and you'll love them regardless BUT you also love them enough to say, "Hey, I don't want to see you get hurt.  You might want to think about it...."  You are allowed to tell them that they're making a poor choice.

Loving someone means that you're bold enough to be the voice of reason when it's needed.  It means that you're ready to stand up to them and let them know that you love them BUT they are about to make a really poor decision.  It means that you'll be there to help them pick up the pieces after.  It means that you stand by them when they're fighting to make themselves better.  It means that you're there to dry their tears and make them laugh when they need it most.  It means that you are ready, at a moment's notice, to stop what you're doing and run to their side if they're hurt.  Loving someone is about walking with someone daily in this crazy life and encouraging them to be the best person they can be while you do the same.

Teal Pumpkins on Halloween

There's a movement to help allergy kids on Halloween.  How?  Put out a teal pumpkin in front of your house.  It's just that simple.  Then, instead of handing out candy, hand out glow sticks or pencils or some other fun item.  Why is this important?

1.  You're acknowledging that there are other children that aren't fortunate enough to live life without having to know every ingredient in every food.  Seriously, children (and adults) that are allergic have to be constantly aware of every....single.....thing they put in their mouth.  There's no "let's throw caution to the wind."  They grow up very quickly.

2.  You're teaching YOUR children to acknowledge and have some compassion for kids that are dealing with this challenge.  It's important for kids to understand that there are others that have challenges to deal with and it is a privilege to try to help them.

3.  You're actually making an effort to be a better person.  Educating yourself and showing kindness is amazing and it'll be worth it for you to see the smile on that child's face when they don't have to come up to the door and say, "No thank you." 

Show love.  Show kindness.  Be the change you want to see.

Inspiration

What inspires you?  What is it that lights the fire in your soul?  Maybe it's a person.  Maybe it's an activity.  Maybe it's something different.  It could be absolutely anything.  We are each created with very different and unique souls.  We are recharged differently, experience love differently, and we all are inspired a little differently.  Take whatever inspires you and create something wonderful, no matter how big or small.  Inspire others.  Create new ideas.  Change the world one small chunk at a time.

What are You Proud of Yourself For?

What is one thing that you're really proud of yourself for?

This is a question that we simply don't ask ourselves enough.  We pick and poke at ourselves.  We beat ourselves up for things that we can't do.  We get mad at ourselves.  We tell ourselves the things that we're doing wrong but what are we doing right?  What are we really proud of ourselves for?

I'm proud of myself for my persistence.  By the grace of God, I've overcome a whole lot of obstacles, even w hen I didn't think I could.  I'll bet you have too.  I'll bet you've overcome more than you give yourself credit for.  Be proud of it.

I'm proud of myself for always learning.  I choose to continue to educate myself every single day to help me grow as a person.  I'll bet you learn new things daily, as well. Be proud of it.

I'm proud of myself for learning to manage my anxiety.  Some days it's really easy and some days it's harder to manage but I'm proud of myself for working to manage it on a daily basis.  I'll bet you work on managing something difficult in your life, too.  Be proud of it.

Even though some of these things may seem small to you, it's important for you to take the time to tell yourself that you're proud.  It's important for you to be there to boost your own spirits when no one else can or will.  You're accomplishing great things every single day.  Take time today to focus on what you're doing right.

Tidbit on Weakness

There is truth in the expression that you can find strength in your weaknesses.  In your weakness lies your most exposed, raw feelings.  It's where you are most vulnerable.  It's where you are, literally, brought to your knees.  It's where you are the most yourself and the least yourself at the same time.  It's where your soul can breathe without concern for your well-being.  Sound deep?  It is.

In those moments that you feel weak, your heart is finding its strength every second if you give it a chance.  When you're healthy and you feel weakness, you reach out more for help.  You talk.  More than that, though, you find solutions.  You see, in your weakness, you become proactive.  You become stronger.

Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.  Embrace those moments and help those weaknesses to become strengths.

Finding Your Strength

It's very easy to look down on someone because they're weak.  The truth is, though, that we're all weak sometimes.  We are just different kinds of weak.  I've said before, and I'll say again, that we are made to be part of something bigger.  We are made to fill in others' weaknesses with our strengths and vice versa.  It's easy to look at someone and say that they're weak but the truth is that they are just a different kind of weak than you are....and they could do the same thing to you later on.

Exercise encouragement as often as you can.  Tell the people around you what they're doing RIGHT instead of what they're doing wrong.  Show them kindness and compassion.  More than that, show them passion for helping THEM doing something great.  You will find your strength in helping others find theirs.

Being Proactive

Deciding to be proactive is the best thing I ever did for myself.  I got stagnant in my life and started feeling like I was uncertain about what I wanted my life to look like.  When someone asked me where I wanted to be in five years or ten years or twenty years, I couldn't answer.  I wasn't sure what I wanted.  At first, it made me feel like a failure.  I mean, I'm an adult, I should know what I want to do, right?  After a day or so of feeling kind of blue, I decided to do something about it.  I decided to be proactive.

I spent a lot of time soul searching and figuring out where I wanted to be.  Then, I started moving toward those goals.  It may be a slow and steady process but I'm moving forward and I'm happier than I've ever been because of it.  I truly feel that if more people became proactive in their lives and decided to do something instead of sitting around feeling sorry for themselves, they'd be happier with their lives.

So if you're feeling stagnant, stop and really take a look at your life.  Look at every single aspect of your life.  What do you want your imprint to be on the world?  What impression do you want left in your community?  What legacy do you want left for your family?  What are you truly passionate about?  What do you love?  

Here's what I'm begging you not to do.... Don't use your stagnant point in life to spread negativity.  It's very hard to see other people's success and get frustrated with your own situation.  Don't put them down in order to make yourself feel better.  Don't poo on their success to promote your own.  We can all have our place in this world and encourages our friends and family in the process.  We can all leave our mark on this world without feeling the need to condemn anyone that disagrees with us.

I encourage you to move forward in a positive way.  Find your passion and run with it.