The Present

Yesterday, you focused on the past.  Today, I want you to soak  up the present.  Truly stop and look around you.  Sit down and make a list of every single blessing you have.  It might be something small like fabulous shoes or it might be something huge like a new spouse or a new baby.  Truly sit down and think of every single blessing that you can.

Now, take a moment and figure out at least one way that you can take extra care of that blessing in the coming year.  Whether it's something you can do every day or something that you can do once in a blue moon, find a way to think on it.

Instead of worrying about a resolution, worry about how to take care of what you have more efficiently.

Lessons of the Past

I continue my focus on making a better 2017 today.  You can't make a better future until you make peace with the past. So here's what I want you to do.....

There are four days left in 2016.  That's four days to begin to pick out life lessons from the past.  Of course, the past is not a pleasant place and people don't like to dwell there.  I'm not asking you to.  As the matter of fact, I'm asking you NOT to.  I'm just asking you to think back on the bad stuff.  What did you learn?  What could you take from that to make it better?  Think back on the awesome stuff.  What could you learn from it?

Take a moment today and start thinking of the lessons of the past and how you can apply them to your future.  There's always time to make a change.  Why not start today?

Instead of a Resolution....

Today is the day that people start focusing on resolutions.  So what type of resolution keeper are you?  Are you the person that makes the resolutions and sticks to them 100% of the time.  You are a rarity.  Are you the person that makes the resolutions and keeps them for a month or two and then blows them off?  Are you the person that swears off resolutions altogether?

I'd like to give you something to think on.....

Instead of a resolution this year, resolve to make a lifestyle change.  Make a lifestyle change to exercise more compassion.  Make a lifestyle change to exercise more love for others.  Make a lifestyle change to exercise more kindness.  In all of the aspects that you can, try to be a better person, whatever that looks like.

Let's make 2017 a year to come together as a nation.

Win as a Team, Lose as a Team

But..... they lost.

Okay, yes, I get it.  I'm just as disappointed over the Broncos win as you are.  All the couch potato quarterbacks out there are pointing a definitive finger at one player or another.  Perhaps they so quickly forget the lesson they learned as a child playing sports: you win as a team, you lose as a team. You don't win because of just one player and you don't lose because of just one player.  Are there adjustments that need to be made?  Of course.  You seem to forget that this is a rebuilding year, a learning year.  You can be disappointed but don't be a jerk.

You'd do well to also remember this with your family.  Your family is not having struggles because of one person.  They might be the targeted "issue" but the other members are responsible for their responses to this "problem."  It might be enabling or it might be non-support.  It might be someone reacting in a cruel manner and it might be someone reacting in a sugar sweet manner when they need to stand up and say, "no."  You win as a team or you lose as a team.  Remember that.

We need to regain our sense of community in this nation.  We need to remember the greatness we have within us as a country and as individuals.

Beauty Inside

There is beauty inside of everyone.  Literally every single person on the planet has some beauty inside of them.  "Well what about murderers, killers and dictators?"  Somewhere deep inside of them, they have it but it's been pushed down with emotional illness. Let's face it: the worst of the worst seldom, if ever, have simple lives that are all sunshine and roses.  Beauty is often pushed to the bottom of their personality and masked behind sociopathic tendencies.

But let's not focus on the worst of the worst....

Let's focus on that shy child that struggles to make friends.  They are beautiful.

Let's focus on the teenage girl that is embarrassed to go against the Kylie Jenner trend and cover up because she feels like her personality is more important.  She is beautiful.

Let's focus on that boy who just can't excel at sports and is picked on for his efforts.  He is beautiful.

Let's focus on that new mom that can't seem to make the transition through the emotional racetrack that is the post partum phase.  She is beautiful.

Let's focus on that man who stepped up to be a stepfather to children that weren't his and never even flinched.  He is beautiful.

Let's focus on that older grandparent whose grandchildren and children neglect to come and see them or even call.  They are beautiful.

There is beauty in all of us no matter how different we are.  Let's look for the beauty in someone else today...and then tell them how wonderful they are.  Spread some love.

Spread Some Kindness

With Thanksgiving over and the official start of the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Solstice (or any other holiday you celebrate) season beginning, I'd like to challenge you today.... spread a little kindness.  I don't care if it's something as small as complimenting someone you don't know.  It might be as big as donating Christmas presents to a family that can't afford them.  Whatever it is, spread some kindness.

The world is such an angry place sometimes.  Our country is at odds with each other over everything from the results of the Presidential elections to the way we phrase our sentences.  Instead of focusing on how much anger you can have, spread a little kindness.  Take a moment to make someone else's day better...and the worse your day is, the more you should try.

Why?

Because kindness begets kindness.  Because you are better than the day you're having.  Because you are blessed, even if it's hard to see sometimes.

I challenge you every day for the next thirty days to spread some kindness and see how your world changes.

Problems

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

-Albert Einstein-

I'm posting this today because there is someone, in fact more than one someone, that needs to see this.  Our problems can seem overwhelming, at times.  We can feel as if it is too much to bear.  It's not. We just need to adjust our thinking.

Take a minute to look from a different view, no matter how difficult it seems.  Take a moment to take a deep breath and look around.  How could you view this in a different light?  What would make this more bearable?

Every tiny step you take away from a problem is a step toward a solution. It may seem that you're not moving a bit some days and other days you will move leaps and bounds.  Do the best you can.  Be strong.  When you can't be strong, find someone who can be strong with you or for you.  It will all be okay.

Naysayers

As you walk your journey in life, people are not always going to be on your side.  There will be naysayers who tell you that you can't do what you are striving for.  There will be critics that will find a way to crap on your dream no matter how great it is.  There will be negative nellies that tell you that you can't do it.  There will be doubters to tell you that you aren't capable.

Don't let their rancid attitudes steal your dream.

Their attitudes say more about THEM than YOU.  They are so unhappy with their lives that they want to make everyone else miserable.  They want to push you off your mountain that you've worked so hard to climb because if you are truly as successful as you know that you'll be, it will make them feel like a failure.  They don't understand anything about your journey and they don't want to.

They are not your ruler by which to measure success.

You are worth so much more.  You are capable of so much more.  You are unique and wonderful in more ways than these boo-ers will ever understand.  Ignore them.  Smile and nod and let them feel like they're saying something and then move on.  You are remarkable and you don't need the validation of anyone else to let you know that.

Keep being you.  You're doing great!

Focusing on Blessings

How much better or easier would your life be if you focused your attention on how blessed you are?  Instead of "I wish I had" or "fuck my life," what if you spent your time just focusing on the things in your life that are going right?  It sounds simple enough but it's harder, for some, than you may think.

In this season of giving, let's take a moment to focus.  No matter how small the blessings are, you woke up today.  You have air to breathe, a sun in the sky (even if it's cloudy) and clothes on your back.  You may not be as blessed as what you perceive someone else to be and that's okay.  You don't have to gauge your blessings by someone else's life.  You gauge it by your own.

Every day, make it a point to think about what you love about your life.  Own those blessings and find a way to spread blessings to others.....and then keep doing it.  Eventually, you will find yourself changing and evolving toward a new habit.  You're doing great! Think about your accomplishments and gifts.

Side note:  Tis the season where depression runs rampant.  If you are feeling lost or depressed, please please please know that there is a purpose for you.  Someone needs you right now and you are wanted.  If you have any doubt of that, you let me know. Even if I don't personally know you, I'll listen.  I'll do my best to remind you of how wonderful you are.  Don't lose hope.

KBPI Denver

I'm taking a moment to brag on one more "business"....KBPI (a radio station).

I am an avid listener for many reasons.  Of course, I love the music.  They play songs that I like and the commercials aren't aggravatingly often.  That said, there are more reasons and they stem from the great DJs.

I'm a particular fan of the morning show and Beardo in the afternoons.  The Morning Show with Willie B, Sweet Cheeks and Scoop is a must-listen for me.  Willie is one of the most giving and generous "celebrity" I've seen.  He is always looking for ways to help the community, veterans and anyone else that he can.  Beardo is one of the most humble, nice guys you'll ever listen to.  Just a great array of DJs to share music and personalities.

There are a few more hours left to donate to "The Hand That Feeds" which is a KBPI event with Christopher Dodge World in Golden, CO.  They are accepting non perishable goods to feed families in need this holiday season.  Be there and do what you can!

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

I recently did the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and it blew my mind how accurate it was. It nailed my personality to a tee and my habits more effectively than I could have ever thought possible.  It was uncanny.

I wonder how much more effectively our world would work if we all took a little bit of time to try to really look at who our friends and family are and how they function.  Look at their personality, their habits, how they feel love and express it.  I wonder how much of a difference we could make if we embraced other's differences.

I challenge you, this week, to do the Myers-Briggs test, if possible, and to spend the time to truly look at those around you.  Look within and know that they have unique qualities that make their habits natural to them.  Try to see how you can accommodate their needs. Show compassion and see how your world changes.

Respect, Dignity, and True Listening

This election cycle (and not just one side) seems to have brought out the worst in so many.  We went from a group of adults that were mostly able to discuss things freely and to a group of small children.  "Well I like red best." - "No red is stupid.  Blue is better."  - "Doo doo head." - " Meanie face."  I mean THIS was pretty much what so many people have boiled down to.  The conservatives that fed into this called all democrats "Libtards", referred to the President as "Obummer", and treated others as if they were dumb.  The liberals that fed into it called conservatives "racists," "bigots," and everything in between.  And here...in between....were those of us that didn't want to name call.  We just wanted what's best for our country.

I'm here to ask something that I consider to be simple.  STOP.

Stop with the hate speech on both sides of the aisle.  Not all conservatives are racists.  Not all liberals are cry babies.  Not all Christians are hate-mongers.  Not all Muslims are terrorists.  In fact, the vast majority of all of these "labels" are just people who love this country and want amazing things for it.  The vast majority of these "labels" are the exact opposite of what the accusations say.  Yet, still, we look at the one bad strawberry in the patch and say, "Well the whole patch is rotten."

I don't pretend to understand everyone's viewpoints.  In fact, part of the reason why I enjoy having such a diverse group of friends is that I love hearing all different perspectives.  Sometimes it changes my mind on things but sometimes we just agree to disagree.  It doesn't make them better or worse than me; it just makes us accepting of other's differences.

So,please....STOP.  Stop the hate speech.  Stop the name-calling.  I challenge you to truly LISTEN to someone on the other side of the argument.  Don't listen to respond but listen to hear.  Let them tell you why they believe the way they do.  Maybe it will change your mind and maybe it won't but I can assure you that we will achieve much more as a country and as a republic if we remember the melting pot we were designed to be and treat each other with the dignity and respect that we, ourselves, expect.

Veterans Day Plea

Today, we honor our Veterans.  We honor those that fought for our nation in whatever capacity that was.  Every job of every branch is important and deserving of great honor for their service.  In saying this, I beseech everyone to please avoid the negativity associated with the post-election craziness.  Please just put it aside for one day.  Protest if you must but please, for the love of God, don't stomp on the flag because it absolutely (even if it's unintentional on your part) shows disdain for all of those that have fought before you.  Please refrain from stomping on or setting an American flag on fire.  Please.  I'm asking you as a personal favor.

I will support the right to peacefully protest for the rest of my  life.  I will defend those of any race, religion, cultural background, sexual preference, gender or any other "difference".  I will defend those with disabilities, challenges, those that aren't able to fight for themselves.  I will defend those that can't get enough food or clean water or anything else.  I will fight for you and I will defend your right to peacefully protest, even if I don't agree with your perspective but please don't disrespect our nation's flag.  It doesn't prove your point any more clearly.  Please.

We are all in this together, America.  Let's reboot our collective minds here and focus it, today on honoring the amazing men and women that have fought for our country and the freedoms we exercise every day.

Thank you to each and every member of each and every branch of the military.  You are incredible.

"Well, if you loved your kid enough, you'd be there....."

"Well if you cared enough about your kid,  you'd just take off work..."  I hear this from other parents pretty frequently.  My job happens to be pretty flexible and I can make it to a good deal of my children's school activities and such.  My work at the studio is also relatively fluid, if necessary.  I have incredible bosses who understand the importance of family.  Unfortunately, some people are not as fortunate.

Before you judge a single mom (or dad) and say the aforementioned phrase, I want you to take a few moments to stop and think.  Single parents (and working parents in general) aren't working long hours and/or multiple jobs because they want to escape their children; they're doing it to financially support their children.  Belittling them for not being able to make it to every school activity is wrong on so many levels.  Making it to the Halloween class party has nothing to do with whether or not they love their child.  What you don't know is that they can't make it to the class party because they made sure to schedule to take time to take them trick or treating.  What you don't know is that they can't make it to the holiday party because they took off special time to make it to a special family Hanukkah celebration.  You see, as you judge them for how much they care about their kid, you don't realize that they have to prioritize to make sure that their child gets those special events.  Not all jobs are flexible, folks.  Working parents have to prioritize, sometimes, to balance and they don't need your shaming.  They just don't.

Look, despite what you might think, your children are not going to grow up and think, "You know, I thought my mom loved me but she missed my third grade Halloween party so I must be wrong."  Your children don't define your love based on whether or not you make it to every single school event (especially those during the day).  Yes, it is more important to give your children time than stuff but that doesn't mean that if you miss something that is (brace yourselves room moms because it sounds harsh but I promise I don't mean it in a cruel way) somewhat trivial, it's not the end of the world.  They will be no worse for the wear.

So if you're a working mom and you hear this, what can you do?  My advice is to say, "I hate that I can't be there but I'm so thankful that there are moms that ARE able to make it to make the day special.  Thank you."  Not only are you being the bigger person AND thanking them for their volunteerism but you are also letting them know that the topic is no longer up for discussion.  They see that you are not bothered that you can't be there for the apple bobbing and cupcake decorating because you'll do your own activities outside of the school building.

If you're the mom that is saying this phrase, there is still time to change.  Stop and think.  Are you being productive with your words?  Are you encouraging others?  Don't hide behind a "well I just tell it like it is" attitude.  If you are guilting other parents like this, you're not "telling it like it is," you're being an asshole.  Just know that we, as working parents, appreciate you (even if you don't hear it enough...and often, you probably don't) and that we are just doing our best just like you.  Thank you for being there to make these events special.

We can all be part of the same team and do different things but we need to be helpful to each other and encourage each other in this crazy roller coaster of life.  Be the change you want to see.

Stop and Think

My son is an amazing kid but he's open to teenage drama just like anyone else.  I asked him this morning why he was, out of the blue, avoiding his best friend and always wanting to hang out with this other friend.  His response was that his best friend was "acting like a jerk" and "roasting him 24/7."  I took a deep breath (you know the one...you know you're about to piss your kid off but you have to do what's right as a parent) and asked him, "Why do you think that is?"

Then we had a talk.

We talked about some incidents from the past weekend that he hadn't thought about where, maybe just maybe, his friend felt neglected by him.  We talked about some incidents where maybe, just maybe, his friend felt like he was not being included.  We talked about how he felt when people did those things to him.  We talked about the fact that , sometimes, what seems innocent and nonchalant to you may be a completely different experience to someone else.  We talked about how he might be contributing to his friend treating him that way.

He got an attitude right off the bat and seemed to be blowing me off.  I had to trust that I had planted a seed.  I had put the concept in his head and I had to trust years of parenting him to know that he would really think about what I'd said, even if it made him mad.

About twenty minutes later, he came back and said that he thought I was right.  Now comes the hard part...."I'm glad you thought about it.  What are YOU going to do to fix it?"  He's not a baby anymore.  I can't go talk to his friend's mom and arrange a playdate to fix things.  It is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to resolve what's going on.  I'll say that again: it is HIS responsibility.  That's right, folks.  I'm not responsible for fixing his problems.  I'm responsible for encouraging him to see what he might be doing to contribute to the problem and then DISCUSSING how HE can fix it.

But he's just a child.

That's right.  He's a child and he needs to learn how to solve problems on his own before he becomes an adult.  I'm here to guide him but I'm not here to carry him.  I'm not here to pat his shoulder and say, "Let mommy fix it" when it's something that he's capable of handling (with some support).  Does he like that I point out when he's not acting right?  No.  Does he like that I don't solve it for him?  Probably not.  It's not my job to make his life easy, though; it's my job to make him into a capable, well-mannered adult that can function in the real world.  Sometimes, that requires me to step outside of my comfort zone and tell him things that he doesn't want to hear.

I'm happy to report that he made a wise choice and apologized.  I'm happy to report that he stopped blaming and started analyzing it to figure out what might be causing it.  What I'm even more happy about, though, is that he handled it on his own.  I'm happy that my guidance was enough to make him think twice.  Now, as he ages, he will always have that seed planted to make him think twice about how he might be contributing.  Sometimes, he may not be the cause at all and that's okay.  Sometimes, he might just need to analyze to figure out how he can help (even if he's not the cause) and that's something I'm sure he will start to come into as he ages.  The point is that he is learning how to manage life so that he isn't panicking when he's older and can't figure out why his wife is mad at him.

Parenting isn't always fun.  As they get into their teenage years, it's less about saying "no-no" and more about saying, "What do you think I'm going to say?"  It's less about saying, "Absolutely not happening" and more about saying, "Tell me why I should allow this and what you're going to do to make sure that this doesn't turn out badly."  It's not about me trying to stop him from doing every little thing but more about making him stop to think about how the choices he makes affect him.  I won't always be around to stop him from doing dumb stuff but those words and these lessons will be around for life.  Stop and think is ALWAYS a beneficial thing to know.

So if your kid gets mad at you today (or any day) for being a parent, just know that it this, too, shall pass.  You'll thank yourself and society will thank you later on for not raising an entitled twit.

Bullying Solutions

I saw a meme today saying that we are raising a generation of sissies.  I agree.  What I didn't agree on was the fact that the meme simply states "Bullying happens."  No, no it doesn't "happen."  Bullying is an action; it's a choice.  It doesn't just "happen."  While I feel that it's important to teach our kids how to defend themselves, it is NOT  the solution to teach them that fighting is a way to solve things.  Almost any martial arts (or similar activity) will tell you that you learning how to defend yourself doesn't mean you jump on everyone that comes by; you use it only when you NEED to.  Defense is about protecting yourself if someone is attacking.

We definitely need to teach our children how to protect themselves but we need to teach them how to advocate for themselves, too.  We need to teach them how to handle it when someone even STARTS bullying; before it moves further along.

More than that, we need to step up as a society.  We need to stop accepting it as if it's normal.  We need to start calling out our children if they bully.  It's not okay to bully ANYONE....ever.  We need to stop letting our children believe that they can pick and choose who they need to treat with respect.  We need to okay our schools to step up and handle it, even if it means that your child may be the one that gets punished.  We need to be on top of this.  It won't happen overnight but it needs to happen.

While I fully agree that we are raising sissies, we don't need to raise bullies either.  Let's focus on raising kids who treat everyone with dignity and respect.

Loving Unconditionally

I was told, recently, that being a friend means that you are supposed to support someone regardless of what they do.  The speaker defined this as "unconditional love."  I blatantly disagree.  In fact, this opinion of "unconditional love" is what makes me cringe.  Here's the skinny on this topic....

Unconditional love is not doing whatever someone wants.  Unconditional love is not always agreeing with them even when it's wrong.  Unconditional love is not supporting someone's decisions regardless of what they do.  Let me repeat that:  unconditional love is not supporting someone's decisions regardless of what they do.  Unconditional love means loving someone right where they're at.  It means loving them in spite of their weaknesses.  In fact, unconditional love is loving someone so much that you're willing to fight for them and with them (and this is NOT referring to physical fighting.)

You are NOT required to support someone's bad decisions if you unconditionally love them.  In fact, it is your duty to lovingly let them know that what they're doing might be a poor decision.  If they change their mind, great.  If they don't, its your job to be there for them to pick them up when the bad decision doesn't work out.  Loving someone means that they are allowed to make mistakes and you'll love them regardless BUT you also love them enough to say, "Hey, I don't want to see you get hurt.  You might want to think about it...."  You are allowed to tell them that they're making a poor choice.

Loving someone means that you're bold enough to be the voice of reason when it's needed.  It means that you're ready to stand up to them and let them know that you love them BUT they are about to make a really poor decision.  It means that you'll be there to help them pick up the pieces after.  It means that you stand by them when they're fighting to make themselves better.  It means that you're there to dry their tears and make them laugh when they need it most.  It means that you are ready, at a moment's notice, to stop what you're doing and run to their side if they're hurt.  Loving someone is about walking with someone daily in this crazy life and encouraging them to be the best person they can be while you do the same.

Inspiration

What inspires you?  What is it that lights the fire in your soul?  Maybe it's a person.  Maybe it's an activity.  Maybe it's something different.  It could be absolutely anything.  We are each created with very different and unique souls.  We are recharged differently, experience love differently, and we all are inspired a little differently.  Take whatever inspires you and create something wonderful, no matter how big or small.  Inspire others.  Create new ideas.  Change the world one small chunk at a time.

What are You Proud of Yourself For?

What is one thing that you're really proud of yourself for?

This is a question that we simply don't ask ourselves enough.  We pick and poke at ourselves.  We beat ourselves up for things that we can't do.  We get mad at ourselves.  We tell ourselves the things that we're doing wrong but what are we doing right?  What are we really proud of ourselves for?

I'm proud of myself for my persistence.  By the grace of God, I've overcome a whole lot of obstacles, even w hen I didn't think I could.  I'll bet you have too.  I'll bet you've overcome more than you give yourself credit for.  Be proud of it.

I'm proud of myself for always learning.  I choose to continue to educate myself every single day to help me grow as a person.  I'll bet you learn new things daily, as well. Be proud of it.

I'm proud of myself for learning to manage my anxiety.  Some days it's really easy and some days it's harder to manage but I'm proud of myself for working to manage it on a daily basis.  I'll bet you work on managing something difficult in your life, too.  Be proud of it.

Even though some of these things may seem small to you, it's important for you to take the time to tell yourself that you're proud.  It's important for you to be there to boost your own spirits when no one else can or will.  You're accomplishing great things every single day.  Take time today to focus on what you're doing right.

Tidbit on Weakness

There is truth in the expression that you can find strength in your weaknesses.  In your weakness lies your most exposed, raw feelings.  It's where you are most vulnerable.  It's where you are, literally, brought to your knees.  It's where you are the most yourself and the least yourself at the same time.  It's where your soul can breathe without concern for your well-being.  Sound deep?  It is.

In those moments that you feel weak, your heart is finding its strength every second if you give it a chance.  When you're healthy and you feel weakness, you reach out more for help.  You talk.  More than that, though, you find solutions.  You see, in your weakness, you become proactive.  You become stronger.

Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.  Embrace those moments and help those weaknesses to become strengths.