"Well if you cared enough about your kid, you'd just take off work..." I hear this from other parents pretty frequently. My job happens to be pretty flexible and I can make it to a good deal of my children's school activities and such. My work at the studio is also relatively fluid, if necessary. I have incredible bosses who understand the importance of family. Unfortunately, some people are not as fortunate.
Before you judge a single mom (or dad) and say the aforementioned phrase, I want you to take a few moments to stop and think. Single parents (and working parents in general) aren't working long hours and/or multiple jobs because they want to escape their children; they're doing it to financially support their children. Belittling them for not being able to make it to every school activity is wrong on so many levels. Making it to the Halloween class party has nothing to do with whether or not they love their child. What you don't know is that they can't make it to the class party because they made sure to schedule to take time to take them trick or treating. What you don't know is that they can't make it to the holiday party because they took off special time to make it to a special family Hanukkah celebration. You see, as you judge them for how much they care about their kid, you don't realize that they have to prioritize to make sure that their child gets those special events. Not all jobs are flexible, folks. Working parents have to prioritize, sometimes, to balance and they don't need your shaming. They just don't.
Look, despite what you might think, your children are not going to grow up and think, "You know, I thought my mom loved me but she missed my third grade Halloween party so I must be wrong." Your children don't define your love based on whether or not you make it to every single school event (especially those during the day). Yes, it is more important to give your children time than stuff but that doesn't mean that if you miss something that is (brace yourselves room moms because it sounds harsh but I promise I don't mean it in a cruel way) somewhat trivial, it's not the end of the world. They will be no worse for the wear.
So if you're a working mom and you hear this, what can you do? My advice is to say, "I hate that I can't be there but I'm so thankful that there are moms that ARE able to make it to make the day special. Thank you." Not only are you being the bigger person AND thanking them for their volunteerism but you are also letting them know that the topic is no longer up for discussion. They see that you are not bothered that you can't be there for the apple bobbing and cupcake decorating because you'll do your own activities outside of the school building.
If you're the mom that is saying this phrase, there is still time to change. Stop and think. Are you being productive with your words? Are you encouraging others? Don't hide behind a "well I just tell it like it is" attitude. If you are guilting other parents like this, you're not "telling it like it is," you're being an asshole. Just know that we, as working parents, appreciate you (even if you don't hear it enough...and often, you probably don't) and that we are just doing our best just like you. Thank you for being there to make these events special.
We can all be part of the same team and do different things but we need to be helpful to each other and encourage each other in this crazy roller coaster of life. Be the change you want to see.
Showing posts with label #advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #advice. Show all posts
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Parents Harming Children
A man recently made news in Centennial, Colorado for intentionally wrecking his car, trying to kill his 2 year old son. His son isn't dead, though. His son is in the hospital in casts, struggling to recover. Confused and in pain, I'm sure. The father claims that he didn't think he could be an appropriate father (a "good dad") so he tried to kill him.
My first and most immediate thought was, "Why didn't he give him up for adoption?" The fact, though, is that sometimes it isn't that simple. Everyone always assumes that there is a "Safe Haven" law in place for situations such as this. In Colorado, the "safe haven" law wouldn't have included this boy. The law says that "you can leave your baby, up to 3 years old, with a hospital staff member who engages in admission, care or treatment of patients at any hospital or with a firefighter at any fire station in Colorado." Clearly, this boy wasn't 3 days old.
If he had family that wanted to adopt the child, he could have done a kinship adoption but there is no word if this was the case. Regardless of what option he chose, he is still fiscally responsible for the child unless and until the adoption is finalized. It's not as simple as the movies make it; drop him off at an orphanage and call it a day.
I don't want to give the impression that I agree with what I did. I blatantly disagree. I think it's despicable. My thought, though, goes to what could be done to prevent situations like this. As sterilization seems like a simple answer, I definitely don't want the government involved in deciding who gets to have kids and who doesn't (though I'd debate that child molestors, etc wouldn't break my heart if they were sterilized). So what's the answer to preventing situations like this?
I don't think the answer is as easy as we'd like to think.
I definitely do think that if a parent is going to harm their child, there should be a safe place to leave him or her. I think that it's got to be an option to have a place to leave a child if they are in danger. Of course, there are ramifications. You have to get counseling/psychological care....period. If you are wanting to harm someone, especially a child, you need help. Another stipulation would be that you can't just leave the child and then come back and decide you want to pick him up again. In short, it's not a day care or a convenience. Once you've done your counseling, if the psychologist determines that you are safe and capable, fantastic. If the psychologist determines you didn't cooperate or that you are unsafe, the child is placed for adoption. The third stipulation is that are still financially responsible unless or until that child is adopted. You don't just get to leave a kid because you're not in the mood to take care of them. You are still responsible for what you've "created."
The point is that I think there should be a system in place AND that it should be a publicized option. There are too many parents leaving their kids in hot cars, abandoning them and such because there aren't available or widely publicized places to leave them. If you are a parent who is thinking about harming your child, PLEASE seek help. Go to DFCS, go to their pediatrician, go to a hospital, go to their school....any of these places will help you to find some sort of help that you may seek. They may not be able to provide the help directly, but they will help you get it! Please do NOT ever do something to harm your child (or any child, for that matter). Please do not EVER think that this is the solution to any problem.
Another thought on this topic is more strict penalties. People do what works for them. In short, parents are less likely to do something like this if they know they're going to jail for years and years. (I AM suggesting there be help for parents if they think they are endangering their child but if they actually go through with it, I do believe there should be serious penalties.) Make the penalties stronger. Make a very serious impression that this is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
My final thought on this is "prevention." If there are strict penalties, it helps to make people stop and think a bit but what else would assist this. This is not just teenagers or early twenty somethings but maybe it starts that young...and younger. People need to know that their sexual behavior does impact their life. If they get pregnant, it isn't a couple of years of work; it's 18+ years. You're a parent for life. Pregnancy needs to stop being such a "meh" thing. It needs to be a big deal. Yes, this dips into the abortion debate, I'm sure. That's a whole different conversation. What could be done to prevent this?
This man's actions are beyond awful. There are no words. My heart goes out to this little boy in his recovery and beyond. If you are a parent thinking of doing something similar, PLEASE get help. I beg you to please look into your heart and make a decision to seek assistance.
My first and most immediate thought was, "Why didn't he give him up for adoption?" The fact, though, is that sometimes it isn't that simple. Everyone always assumes that there is a "Safe Haven" law in place for situations such as this. In Colorado, the "safe haven" law wouldn't have included this boy. The law says that "you can leave your baby, up to 3 years old, with a hospital staff member who engages in admission, care or treatment of patients at any hospital or with a firefighter at any fire station in Colorado." Clearly, this boy wasn't 3 days old.
If he had family that wanted to adopt the child, he could have done a kinship adoption but there is no word if this was the case. Regardless of what option he chose, he is still fiscally responsible for the child unless and until the adoption is finalized. It's not as simple as the movies make it; drop him off at an orphanage and call it a day.
I don't want to give the impression that I agree with what I did. I blatantly disagree. I think it's despicable. My thought, though, goes to what could be done to prevent situations like this. As sterilization seems like a simple answer, I definitely don't want the government involved in deciding who gets to have kids and who doesn't (though I'd debate that child molestors, etc wouldn't break my heart if they were sterilized). So what's the answer to preventing situations like this?
I don't think the answer is as easy as we'd like to think.
I definitely do think that if a parent is going to harm their child, there should be a safe place to leave him or her. I think that it's got to be an option to have a place to leave a child if they are in danger. Of course, there are ramifications. You have to get counseling/psychological care....period. If you are wanting to harm someone, especially a child, you need help. Another stipulation would be that you can't just leave the child and then come back and decide you want to pick him up again. In short, it's not a day care or a convenience. Once you've done your counseling, if the psychologist determines that you are safe and capable, fantastic. If the psychologist determines you didn't cooperate or that you are unsafe, the child is placed for adoption. The third stipulation is that are still financially responsible unless or until that child is adopted. You don't just get to leave a kid because you're not in the mood to take care of them. You are still responsible for what you've "created."
The point is that I think there should be a system in place AND that it should be a publicized option. There are too many parents leaving their kids in hot cars, abandoning them and such because there aren't available or widely publicized places to leave them. If you are a parent who is thinking about harming your child, PLEASE seek help. Go to DFCS, go to their pediatrician, go to a hospital, go to their school....any of these places will help you to find some sort of help that you may seek. They may not be able to provide the help directly, but they will help you get it! Please do NOT ever do something to harm your child (or any child, for that matter). Please do not EVER think that this is the solution to any problem.
Another thought on this topic is more strict penalties. People do what works for them. In short, parents are less likely to do something like this if they know they're going to jail for years and years. (I AM suggesting there be help for parents if they think they are endangering their child but if they actually go through with it, I do believe there should be serious penalties.) Make the penalties stronger. Make a very serious impression that this is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
My final thought on this is "prevention." If there are strict penalties, it helps to make people stop and think a bit but what else would assist this. This is not just teenagers or early twenty somethings but maybe it starts that young...and younger. People need to know that their sexual behavior does impact their life. If they get pregnant, it isn't a couple of years of work; it's 18+ years. You're a parent for life. Pregnancy needs to stop being such a "meh" thing. It needs to be a big deal. Yes, this dips into the abortion debate, I'm sure. That's a whole different conversation. What could be done to prevent this?
This man's actions are beyond awful. There are no words. My heart goes out to this little boy in his recovery and beyond. If you are a parent thinking of doing something similar, PLEASE get help. I beg you to please look into your heart and make a decision to seek assistance.
Friday, August 19, 2016
It's Never Too Late
Today I'd like to talk to the 30 and 40 something women that are looking at their lives and saying, "I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life." Maybe you've been a mom for a long time. Maybe you've been working non stop because you didn't want to waste money on a degree that you would not even use down the road. There are thousands of reasons you may be at this juncture. You're unsure and nervous about what's next for you.
The best way I could describe the feeling for me was this: For years, I had been riding around in a boat. Now, the boat was a nice sturdy boat and it had taken me on many adventures but many years ago, I began to notice a tiny leak in the boat. I'm talking ridiculously small. The leak was letting just a small amount of water in but it was barely noticeable and I was too busy handling life on the boat to pay attention to such a tiny leak. After many years, though, the leak had let in enough water to splash my feet in and it occurred to me that maybe I needed to start bailing out the water. Eventually, if I let that leak go, no matter how teeny it was, it would take down the boat. The leak hadn't changed size and it hadn't been letting in any more water than it was at first but, now it was more noticeable. I had to make a change.
Using that metaphor, though, I want to say the following: it's never too late. The leak isn't big enough that it will drown you for many, many more years. You have a long time to decide what you need to do. Now, you may have to use a bigger bucket the longer you wait, but there will still be time to bail down the road. The difference? You'll be able to use a smaller bucket and chip away at it instead of over-the-top changes. You can always start bailing. You can always do something new.
If you've always wanted to go to school, go back. Start small if you're not sure what you want to do. Maybe, as you take classes, you'll realize what it is that you want to do. If you've always wanted to train for a new job, do it. If you've wanted to travel, start planning how to make that happen. If you have always wanted to learn to paint, do it. The sky is the limit and you can start anytime.
My point is this: Don't feel like you've passed a point where you can start something new. Don't feel like this is your life and this is what you must deal with. There's always time to turn things around and live the life you've always wanted.
The best way I could describe the feeling for me was this: For years, I had been riding around in a boat. Now, the boat was a nice sturdy boat and it had taken me on many adventures but many years ago, I began to notice a tiny leak in the boat. I'm talking ridiculously small. The leak was letting just a small amount of water in but it was barely noticeable and I was too busy handling life on the boat to pay attention to such a tiny leak. After many years, though, the leak had let in enough water to splash my feet in and it occurred to me that maybe I needed to start bailing out the water. Eventually, if I let that leak go, no matter how teeny it was, it would take down the boat. The leak hadn't changed size and it hadn't been letting in any more water than it was at first but, now it was more noticeable. I had to make a change.
Using that metaphor, though, I want to say the following: it's never too late. The leak isn't big enough that it will drown you for many, many more years. You have a long time to decide what you need to do. Now, you may have to use a bigger bucket the longer you wait, but there will still be time to bail down the road. The difference? You'll be able to use a smaller bucket and chip away at it instead of over-the-top changes. You can always start bailing. You can always do something new.
If you've always wanted to go to school, go back. Start small if you're not sure what you want to do. Maybe, as you take classes, you'll realize what it is that you want to do. If you've always wanted to train for a new job, do it. If you've wanted to travel, start planning how to make that happen. If you have always wanted to learn to paint, do it. The sky is the limit and you can start anytime.
My point is this: Don't feel like you've passed a point where you can start something new. Don't feel like this is your life and this is what you must deal with. There's always time to turn things around and live the life you've always wanted.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Review of Broncos Training Camp
I'd previously been to Broncos training camp at Sports Authority Field (when Dove Valley's was being worked on) but I got to attend training camp at CSUHealth Training Center at Dove Valley this week. Here's what I thought.....
Cons: Seriously, my ONLY con was that there were virtually no autographs at the end. They had us go through this whole protocol of sitting still as they moved back the rope, moving slowly and waiting. Only a few players actually came out and signed and they literally signed for about two minutes. This sucked. None of us expected an hour but at least coming over and doing a few would have been nice. With that being said, if I'd have spent 2.5 hours practicing in the blazing sun, I would not have felt like signing autographs either. If THIS is the only con, it's not bad.
Pros: The facility was beautiful. Bathrooms were clean. Concessions (aka soda and water) were only $1 each, which is unheard of. There was a place to refill water. Free rally towels and flags. You really couldn't pick a bad seat on the hill. The staff was incredibly nice. Parking wasn't bad at all. Oh and BRONCOS PRACTICING! Yes! Seeing them up close and personal, running drills. Awesome.
Recommendations: Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Don't forget a blanket or something to sit on. Don't forget that bag policy (clear bags, etc). Bring water or cash to purchase water. No video allowed and no professional lenses. ENJOY it! Don't spend your whole time looking through a little viewpiece. Take it all in instead of shooting pictures the ENTIRE time.
Cons: Seriously, my ONLY con was that there were virtually no autographs at the end. They had us go through this whole protocol of sitting still as they moved back the rope, moving slowly and waiting. Only a few players actually came out and signed and they literally signed for about two minutes. This sucked. None of us expected an hour but at least coming over and doing a few would have been nice. With that being said, if I'd have spent 2.5 hours practicing in the blazing sun, I would not have felt like signing autographs either. If THIS is the only con, it's not bad.
Pros: The facility was beautiful. Bathrooms were clean. Concessions (aka soda and water) were only $1 each, which is unheard of. There was a place to refill water. Free rally towels and flags. You really couldn't pick a bad seat on the hill. The staff was incredibly nice. Parking wasn't bad at all. Oh and BRONCOS PRACTICING! Yes! Seeing them up close and personal, running drills. Awesome.
Recommendations: Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Don't forget a blanket or something to sit on. Don't forget that bag policy (clear bags, etc). Bring water or cash to purchase water. No video allowed and no professional lenses. ENJOY it! Don't spend your whole time looking through a little viewpiece. Take it all in instead of shooting pictures the ENTIRE time.
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