Shower Time....and Mom Loses Her Shit

It's 7:30 PM on a Sunday night and I'm relatively certain that I'm developing gray hair as I type.  Why? It's shower time in my house.  Yesterday  I posted on why trying to relax in the tub isn't fun for me.  Today, I'm writing about why shower time in my house will put me at a code blue stress  level for at least a half an hour each time.  Allow me to set the stage:

We finish dinner and the dinner dishes are cleaned by 6:45.  Dessert has been served and the kids and I are sitting around hanging out and having fun until I mention that dreadful trigger word: shower.  Now, two of my kids shower in the mornings so only two of them have to shower at night but all four actively protest nighttime showers, nonetheless.  The process starts with an argument over whose turn it is to go first.  One party can present a locked tight, paid in full case as to why they shouldn't have to be first and the other will blatantly argue.  It's never anyone's turn to go first.  When I finally loses my shit and say, "You (blindly pointing at whichever one is nearest)! You, go get in the shower, NOW!" they have the gall to act surprised and then resign themselves to head towards the bathroom, which is where the real fun begins.

We are now sitting at around 7:10 because the whole process of arguing has taken this long.  The first child to shower has left the room to gather their clothes.  Ten minutes later, the shower still hasn't started.  In fact, the bathroom door is still wide open and the children are nowhere to be found.  I finally hunt down the child who is supposed to be showering wrestling with his brother in the bedroom. Pajamas are still in the drawer and he has completely forgotten he is supposed to be showering to begin with. His brother KNOWS he's supposed to be getting in the shower and, upon seeing me, simply points at him and then sputters that he told him he needed to get in the shower but he just wouldn't listen.  I get his attention and point towards the bathroom.  He quickly grabs his pajamas and goes to get in the shower.

In a matter of seconds he comes out with a completely drenched head, pajamas still clinging to his body and declares, "Done."  Nevermind the path of aquatic destruction he has left before, during and after his shower.  Nevermind the fact that he used his towel to step out of the shower on (despite there being a shower mat) or that he didn't turn off the shower before he got out so the entire floor is drenched.  Nevermind the fact that he didn't bother to dry off his body at all but applied his lotion so he is covered in a white film but is completely soaked still.  None of this is important; he is done.  It is now 7:21.

He lets his sister know that it's time to get into the shower.  His sister, moving on her own time, finally decides to head to her bedroom to get her clothes.  Meanwhile, the oldest is playing Mother Hen telling her that she needs to hurry, she needs to pick out warmer pajamas, she needs to comb her hair before she gets in.  The youngest is now harping back, telling the oldest to mind her own business.  Now they're arguing and no one is getting in the shower.  I give a warning to head into the bathroom NOW and she argues the whole way down the hall, getting smartass retorts from the oldest who is still sitting in her chair in the bedroom.  She gets to the bathroom door and the cat is in the way.  Then the cat moves and the lotion is still on the counter.  That gets resolved and she's losing her brain because her brother forgot his clothes on the bathroom floor.  Now a whole new argument begins over the clothes.  Again, I lose my shit and tell her to just get in the shower and deal with the clothes later.  Huffing and a firmly closed door say that she's irritated but she FINALLY gets in the shower. .... and I have developed an eye twitch and about seventy seven gray hairs.

I know I'll be banging on the door twenty minutes from now telling her that she needs to hurry up in the shower or she's gonna melt the ice caps and kill the polar bears, but for now I'm just going to close my eyes, count to ten and remind myself that shower time only comes once a day....thank God!

Baths Aren't Fun for Moms

Baths in my house aren't any fun, at least not for me.  My choice to indulge in a "peaceful bubble bath" is a cruel joke almost every time.  I'm sure most mothers can relate.  In fact, I'm sure there are some reading this, raising their hands and praising that someone can identify.  For those with no children, let me paint you a picture of what it's like.....

The minute you close the door, anyone that is able to walk has a tiny silent alarm sounded.  They, now, know that it's "go time."  It's time for them to stop whatever they're doing right this second and rush to the door.  Depending on their age, they might stick their fingers under the door or knock but it happens...every....single..time.

If you make it past the initial door closing without interruption, you now have to run the water.  Likely the water isn't warm because you've spent all night giving kids baths, doing dishes and washing laundry.  Maybe the tub is dirty because you've spent the night scrubbing muddy toddlers.  Nonetheless, you run the water and climb into the tub.

If you've made it this far, you have experienced a true miracle.  Now comes the fun part.  There will be  no less than thirty seven knocks on the door to ask questions that are not at all relevant.  It doesn't matter if there's another adult in the house.  It doesn't matter if you thought the kids were asleep.  Somehow, some way, you will have no ability to enjoy your bath.

After you've had the thirty seventh question (if not before), you'll conclude that it's impossible to relax and get out of the tub, more tense than ever and not even soaked enough to prune up.  You'll completely skip the lotion you religiously apply to the toddler in your life and throw on your pajamas that are now half sticking to you because you didn't have time to dry off.

Then you open the door and...surprise.....no kids.  It's like whatever need they had was fixed the minute your feet hit the tile floor by the bathroom door.  They're now silent, happy and involved in their own activities. 

And THAT is why baths are not fun for moms.  Think of it this way...someday you will think the house is TOO quiet.

Christianity vs Pro Choice stance

I get asked frequently questions about how I can "be a Christian and support gay marriage" or "be a Christian and be pro-choice."  I've previously written a post about Christians criticizing Christians so I won't go into that much.  You are free to go back and read that post if you're concerned with my stance on the topic.  In short, the definition of Christian is believing that Christ was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, died on the cross for our sins and rose again 3 days later before ascending into Heaven.  My belief is quite clear on that topic.  In terms of other topics, here is how I can support these movements and still be Christian:

 I won't argue the point that it says very clearly in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin.  There are many clearly defined sins in the Bible and the Bible also very clearly states that no one sin is worse than another.  I'm not going to argue the Bible's perspective.  What I'm going to say is that God clearly defined to us in the New Testament that our two most important commands were to love others as Christ loved the church and love God.  I'll repeat that....love others as Christ loved the church and love God.  You see, as a Christian, my call is to love others.  Is homosexuality for me?  No.  Do I dearly love some very special people in my life that are homosexuals?  Yes and I don't do so in spite of their choice; I do so because I love them for who they are.  I love them as Christ loved the church.  Christ loved us exactly as we are.  He didn't tell us to change this, this, this, this, and this and THEN He'd love us.  If we are called to be like Christ, my perspective is that my first job is to love God unconditionally.  My job is to not to preach the gospel and I don't believe God wants us to Bible beat.  I believe God wants us to live the kind of life that people see God's goodness through us and ask how we achieved that.  If they, then, accept God in their heart, their choices in life are between them and God.  I'll say that again, they're between them and God.  It's not our lot in life to walk around preaching unless we've been called to be pastors, etc.  What I'm saying, quite simply, is that a whole lot of Christians seem to take it upon themselves to walk around preaching to everyone on what they should and shouldn't be doing and it chases everyone away.  Instead, just love people and live your life with God shining through.  He has a way of working through you that you will never understand.  What people do is between God and them.  Just love them as you're called to do.

Abortion is a very different topic but same concept.  Here's my opinion: abortion is murder.  I feel like life begins at conception and that killing that life intentionally is, by definition, murder.  I have suffered miscarriages and cringed at the term "spontaneous abortion", though it is a very clear medical definition.  I, personally, would have a very difficult time choosing abortion as an option (though it doesn't apply to me currently as I have no uterus anymore).  My particular beef is with late term abortions.  My feelings on Planned Parenthood harvesting and "selling" (I don't think their verdict was even CLOSE to correct) fetal tissue is that it is monstrous.   I feel like late term abortions that occur once a baby has the ability to breathe in the outside world (even if it requires a bit of assistance), in particular, are absolute acts of murder. If your baby could be born and let out a cry to let you know he's there, I can't see how you wouldn't think that he was alive. With that said, I repeat what I said before: what people do is between God and them.  If asked, of course I will share my opinion on abortion.  I will gladly listen to yours, as well.  I couldn't make that choice for myself but what you do is between you and God.  Period.

So how can I blatantly say that I'm pro gay marriage and pro life?  The answer is simple.  I believe in our country celebrating freedom.  Just because I don't own a gun doesn't mean I can't support other people's rights to.  Just because I don't choose to have a relationship with a woman doesn't mean I can't support other people's right to.  Just because I couldn't choose abortion for myself doesn't mean I can't support other people's right to have one.  I support gay marriage because I believe that everyone has a right to feel true happiness.  I support a woman's right to choose because I believe she should have the freedom to do so (though I think that abortions should be limited to the first trimester).  So what you're saying is that you support everything so you're okay with someone going out to murder someone else because it's freedom. No, of course not.  So what's the difference? A first term abortion is done before a baby would be viable outside of the womb.  Do I still consider it murder? Yes.  Would that life be viable if it were born at the second it was aborted? No.  That's the difference for me.  What you do with yourself and your body is your choice but I believe that we should have the freedom to decide.

My closing thought on this would be legislation on these topics..... Gay marriage should be legal.  Homosexual couples should be allowed the same benefits that straight couples are allowed.  In terms of abortion, I feel that it should be limited to first term abortions and that it should not be funded in any way, shape or form by the government.  I believe that birth control should be readily available in order to prevent the need for an abortion and I do believe that all abortion participants (unless it is a product of rape or incest) should be required to undergo counseling, an ultrasound/fetal Doppler, and a full discussion of options.  (There are plenty of people that would be happy to pay your medical bills and adopt your baby if you don't want it).  Being a Christian doesn't mean that I have to agree with everything that someone does or that I can't support their choice to do so.  Period.

Correct Anatomical Terms

I read all these studies (usually posted by what I refer to as "granola moms") talking about teaching your children correct anatomical terms for their genitals.  Supposedly it teaches them self confidence and "discourages perpetrators."  Now let me clarify something: I'm not for or against teaching them correct anatomical terms.  I am of the opinion that whether or not my son calls his penis a "penis" or a "weiner," has no effect on his self-confidence.  You know what affects his self confidence?  Talking to him every single day, encouraging him, and letting him know that he can talk to me about everything.  How, you ask, do I let him know that he can talk to me about anything?  Two simple phrases (and backing them up with actions) are involved. 1- "I can't help you resolve something if I don't know what it is." 2- "I understand.  We'll figure it out. Thank you for being honest."

"I can't help you resolve something if I don't know what it is."
We're parents.  We can tell when something is up.  It's like Spidey sense.  Maybe your kid doesn't want to talk to you about it.  This simple phrase has been repeated over and over since my kids could walk and talk.  The result?  They understand that I'm willing to help them with any problem.  Sometimes I have to grit my teeth because it's not something I'm super comfortable with.  Sometimes I have to bite my tongue because I want to tell them how to handle a situation with their friends.  Most of the time, though, it's a matter of TRULY listening to them and trying to understand what the problem is.  Then we talk about what might be happening on the other side of it and how to handle it.  My daughter, at a very young age, talked to me about a UTI and the sensation of pain when she peed and she didn't have to use the word "vagina."  As a teenager, she's very confident with who she is and knows that she can talk to me about anything.  No "correct anatomical terms" required.

"I understand.  We'll figure it out. Thank you for being honest."
That first part is the most important.  They know I understand.  I will straight tell them that I don't necessarily understand the situation but I understand what they're saying.  I understand the feelings they're trying to convey.  You see, instead of being overly concerned with "correct anatomical terms," I've concerned myself with teaching them correct emotional terms.  They know the difference between mad and frustrated, sad and depressed, and so on.  They have been taught from a very young age that no one has a right to put their hands on you PERIOD.  They aren't allowed to hug you, have you sit in their lap, or touch you in ANY way without your permission.  More importantly, they know that if anyone even attempts to do so, they have my permission to fight back and fight hard and I will back them 100 percent.  They know that no one is more important than they are and it doesn't matter if it's a friend, teacher, or anyone else, no one is allowed to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable in a physical sense.  I've focused on teaching them how to express themselves and how to protect themselves and that IF they are faced with a situation, they know how to talk to me immediately.  Period.

My final point on this matter is this: Disgusting child predators are not concerned with whether or not a child calls her private parts by it's correct name or not.  They wouldn't care if your child could name every single body part they have on a detailed diagram.  In my opinion, telling people that their child will be confident if they "just do this" is misleading.  Predators are predators because they view your children as prey.  They look for their weaknesses and move in for the kill.  If you want to instill confidence in them, talk to them and teach them every day.  Be honest and tell them that there are bad people in this world.  Be honest and tell them that sometimes it can be someone you know.  Be honest and discuss with them how to handle it if someone ever tries it.  Stop focusing on whether they call it a "vagina" or a "hoo hoo" and focus more on them knowing that no one is ever allowed to touch it.  Period.

Things That Boys Need to Hear

Single parents often have to play a duel role and if they're lucky, as I have been, they will have friends (and family) that will step up to fill in some of the blanks.  Moms can never truly be to a boy what his dad is.  It's a very special role that's impossible for us to fill no matter how hard we try.  (And I'm NOT saying that millions of moms don't do a tremendous job because they do).  With all of that said, there are still a million and one things that we can teach our sons.  Here are some of the things I try to teach my sons....

BE A GENTLEMAN.  I'm old fashioned.  I believe in opening doors for a woman and acting like a gentleman (and I enforce to my daughters that they need to be a "lady" in the same way).  Clown around with your friends but understand that you need to be a gentleman when there is a lady present.

IT'S OKAY TO SAY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING.  I enforce with all of my kids that things can't be fixed unless you say what's going on.  Don't lie.  Don't bottle it up.  Say it.  There are productive ways to present an issue and unproductive ways.  Speak kindly be honestly.

YOU NEVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN.  Now this is a catch-22 because I don't want them believing that it's okay for a woman to beat them bloody.  I tell them that men often grow to be bigger and stronger than woman are.  While a woman may shove you and you'll get ticked off, you shoving her can actually really injure her based on size.  Don't EVER put your hands on a woman and if a woman puts her hands on you, walk away and do NOT pursue any further relationship with that woman.  Abusers are abusers and I'm not intending on raising one.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE WALLFLOWERS.  I know it's tempting to eye ball the head cheerleader or some other popular girl but pay attention to the wallflowers.  They may bloom later but, believe me, they are often much more fabulous for a lot longer in life.

DON'T EVER MAKE A GIRL FEEL BAD ABOUT HER BODY.  I know that the media will have you believe that the cosmetically enhanced perfect teeny weeny  girls are "perfect."  The fact is that if you have to spend that much money to make yourself "perfect," there's probably something wrong with you emotionally.  If she's thin or chunky, if she has freckles or acne, if she has curly hair or straight hair...look at who she is, not how she looks.

POPULARITY ISN'T WORTH IT.  Again, I know it's tempting.  It's human nature to want people to like you.  Many a dumb kid, though, has injured themselves trying to fit in.  Be who YOU are and the right friends will come to you.

and finally....

NERDS RULE THE WORLD.  I say this lovingly, as I am quite a nerd myself.  What this means to my family is that we should be more focused on academics than trying to be some sort of popular icon.  Focus on your academics and on the goals you want to achieve in your life.  Choose what you want to do and work toward that.  Athleticism is great but you can only perform as a professional athlete for so long.  Intelligence and education last forever.

I'm sure there are a million more things that I don't think about telling them but these are my focal points.

You're So Lucky That....

Okay infant and toddler moms, I get it. You're in the trenches.  Believe me, I don't envy you.  I know that it's a hand full to get virtually no sleep.  I know that it's stressful to deal with toddler tantrums, picky eaters, and hearing the word "no" about a thousand times a day.  I know that it's incredibly mind-numbingly frustrating sometimes to need to get things done and be unable to due to not disturbing nap time, a meltdown over giving your kid the red cup instead of the blue one, or anything else under the sun that toddlers can get upset over.  I tell you all the time how great you're doing and I would not take a word of it back but today, I want to tackle a specific comment that keeps getting tossed to parents of older kids from parents of infants and toddlers.  More specifically, it's the tone with which this comment is conveyed.

"Well I wish I got to (fill in the blank with activity).  You're lucky YOU don't have a little one."

You're absolutely right.  I AM lucky that I get to do things now that I couldn't do with an infant.  I truly am.  Here's the thing: I did my time.  We all did.  While  a whole lot of you were out partying and enjoying your early 20s, I was doing the "mom of infants and toddlers" thing.  No, I don't regret it.  No I didn't ask for your pity then and I won't ask for it  now.  But while I was up all night with a newborn and three sick kids puking their guts out, I didn't turn to you and say, "Well YOU'RE so lucky you get to do what YOU want.  I just never get a break."  Did I get a break?  Not a one.  Did I regret it or even bitch about it?  Nope.  Why?  Because it was my life and I knew that this too would pass.

I'm all for venting but there's a general rule that goes with it: Venting doesn't mean making someone else feel like crap so you can feel better.  Yes, I get that you're exhausted and frustrated.  I get that you're frazzled and you feel like it will never end some days.  If you are, somehow, misled into thinking it gets easier as they age, it doesn't.  It gets different.  You trade in tantrums for homework (which is no picnic, especially with common core).  Then you trade in helping with homework for teenage tantrums.  If you think toddler tantrums are a hand full, just wait.  The point is that all of us have our challenges with our kids and it's awfully condescending to tell a parent of a teenager that they're "lucky" because they get to sleep.  Guess what? We still don't. We're up worrying about our kids driving home at night after a date or how we're going to pay for that prom dress. 

So here's the best advice I can give on this: We're all in this together so let's encourage each other instead of guilting other parents for surviving the very thing you're dealing with right now.  The fact is that we will console you, listen to you vent and (in some cases) help you out but surviving those years is a rite of passage and you'll make it through just like we did.  Let's clink our glasses to encouraging each other.

Toddlers and Mixed Messages

Parents of toddlers, it is doing you no favors whatsoever to give your tots mixed messages.  Confused about what I mean?  Here are my top five examples....

1.  Smiling as you tell them "no-no".  This is the ultimate mixed message to a toddler.  I'm not suggesting your scream at them.  What I AM saying is that smiling as you're trying to correct them gives them the idea that you're not serious.  It's "cute" now but wait until they're 15 and doing the same thing.  It won't be nearly as cute and you'll wonder how to fix it way too late.

2.  Bribing them to do things by saying, "Don't you do that."  Okay so it might work sometimes to get them to eat a carrot.  Wait until they get hold of a sharpie and have it poised to draw on your new sofa.  Now tell them "Don't you do that" and watch the sofa get a new deco job.  Remember how you thought it was funny before?  Yeah it's not when it matters.

3. Giving in to stop the crying.  You know who you are.  Your toddler wants the package of fruit snacks and they need to eat dinner first.  You tell them "no" and they scream.  You continue to tell them "no" so they scream louder.  It continues until you finally give in and give them the fruit snacks....lesson learned.  Screaming = victory.  Guess how that will continue in the future.

4.  Undermining your child care.  If your day care takes your son's pacifier away when you walk in, don't give them their pacifier the minute they leave day care just because.  Pacifiers were intended for infants.  Why?  To help them self soothe before they're big enough to figure it out.  A 4 year old does not need a pacifier.  I'll say that again: A 4 year old does not need a pacifier.  This applies to  many things.  Comfort items? Fine.  But you picked your child care based on it being the best possible place for your kids.  Work WITH them not AGAINST them.  It'll make your life easier, their life easier and most importantly your child's life easier.

5.  Telling them their a "big girl" and then treating them like a baby.  Guess what.  Your little girl (or boy) is learning to be independent.  That means that you need to let them do that and, more than that, encourage it.  You WANT them to be independent.  Let them learn to be a big girl (or boy).  If you treat them like a baby, they will act like one....and it will continue into their school years.

I don't pretend to be an expert but I can tell you that experience has taught me these five are big 'uns.  Do yourself a favor and quit sending them mixed messages.  It will make your life easier and their life WAY easier in the long run.

The Broncos Are Going to the Superbowl

The Broncos are going to the Super Bowl!  Woo hoo!

Here are some of my little nuggets of info from the game....

1.  Watching Tom Brady get continually sacked was friggin awesome. 

2.  Our Defense was ON POINT

3.  I hate to confess this but I love me some Gronk.  The guy is a beast.

4.  I wish people would stop bringing up the whole deflated balls thing.  Yes it was cheating.  Yes it sucked.  Got it.  Thanks.

5.  Bellicheck made some BAD calls.

6.  Von Miller is a beast!

7.  Mr Manning did a great job but let's not forget that we had two great QBs show their stuff this year.  Brock, we salute you as well.

8.  Owen Daniels....that is all.

Overall, it was an amazing game.  The Patriots fought hard but so did we.  This is the stuff AFC Championships are made of.

A Little Note to Grandparents

To the grandparents out there, I'd like to say a word on behalf of your children.  More than that, I'd like to say a word on behalf of many of your children's spouses.  I want to preface by saying that I mean absolutely no disrespect at all in this.  It's only intended to give some food for thought. My grandparents are pretty much my favorite people on the planet outside of my home so they sort of inspired me to write this by being...well by being wonderful.

First of all, let me say this much: you're awesome.  Congratulations.  You successfully made it through raising your kids and, chances are, they turned out pretty awesome too.  I know from watching every single grandparent I've ever encountered, for the most part, that your grandchildren are the jewels on your crown.  They are the apple of your eye.  They are your greatest gifts and blessings and there is a love that exists between grandparents and grand children that is hard for outsiders to understand.

Here's the thing: I know that you had this dream of how your relationship with your grandchildren would look but there are some considerations here.  Think back to when you had your first child.  Think about how you wanted to make everything your own and create your own traditions.  Now extend that to your own children.  They, too, want to create their own lives and traditions with their children.  Maybe it'll be the same as yours.  Maybe it'll be the complete opposite.  Chances are it'll fall somewhere in between.  Now here's the other issue in this consideration: their spouse.  While you may have always done Christmas morning a certain way, maybe her family did Christmas morning completely different and maybe she loved it.  While you may want to repeat your special traditions with your grandchild, it may need to look a little different in order to preserve all parties involved. 

Please, please, please don't criticize your daughter in law (or son in law if that's the case) on their parenting unless they are directly hurting your child or your grandchild.  Yes, they may do things completely differently but it's their child and their way.  More than that, don't over step their bounds on the important things.  If they are exclusively breastfeeding, please don't give that baby formula or (god forbid) cereal when they aren't around.

Most importantly, though, stop trying to fit your grandchild into a box.  Maybe your dream was to take your grand daughter to the American Girl doll, select the perfect doll, and take her back frequently for visits but if your grand daughter doesn't care for dolls, why push that on her?  Maybe your dream was to have your grand child once a week for a grandma day but if your grandchildren have other things going on in their schedule and it can't happen every week, why destroy relationships just to have your way?  You see, all the dreams you may have are YOUR dreams but you forget that your grandchildren are going to have very unique personalities, wants and needs.  Do things that they enjoy too instead of pressing them into your little box.

Now parents, here's the last little niblet for you.  Understand that grandparents are mostly well intentioned and they just love every bit of that new grand baby. Try to lean a little on things when you can and understand that they have dreams of big things with this new grand baby too.  They love them as much as you do and there can be great memories made if everyone works together.

Changing Grades for Emotional Health

Okay, just a short little snippet today.  I saw an article on schools that are now "changing grades" to "preserve the emotional health of their students."  Let me tell you something: you're preserving nothing.  If you think that the emotional health of a student is wrecked by a "bad grade," think how bad it's going to be when they get fired from a job as adults because their bosses won't change their "bad grade."  Teaching kids not to deal with emotions (especially sadness, frustration, anger, etc) is not TEACHING them anything.  Steps like this to "preserve their emotional health" is more about preserving YOUR feelings than theirs. 
My only other comment on this would be the following: this common core bull crap is setting up the kids to fail.  I am all for teaching kids multiple methods if they're not understanding something but teaching them 22 steps to do a problem that could take 2 steps is absurd.  There are plenty of CEO's and brilliant people in this nation that learned things in the traditional sense and have gone on to create great things and accomplish great feats.  Perhaps, we should focus less on creating a whole NEW system of learning and focus more on improving what was already working for so many.  Is it frustrating to have to memorize facts?  Of course.  Once you memorize those basic facts, is your life in math much easier? YES!  Stop testing the crap out of these kids and making things more complicated and maybe they won't be having "emotional issues" quite as often with their learning process.

Open Letter About the Phrase "I'll Pray for You"

Dear Non-Christian,

Please don't take it personally or get defensive when I say "I'll pray for you."  If I'm saying it, I mean it.  If you don't believe in God, that's fine.  You don't need to believe in God for me to pray.  My saying this isn't intentionally anything but a desire to let you know that you will be on my heart.  It's similar to someone saying, "I'll send some good vibes your way" or "I'll be thinking of you."  It just happens that mine means I'll be talking to God and asking for Him to protect you.  I will not push my beliefs off on you before, during or after saying this.  I will not expect you to even thank me.  That's not what me praying is about.  I do not want some sort of recognition or glory (in fact, prayer is about giving glory to God) but please don't be offended if the prayer is answered and I say, "Praise God." It's the equivalent of a non-Christian saying, "that's awesome" or "woo hoo."  You see, you and I can believe different things and we don't have to argue with each other.  We can just accept that we see things differently and be glad that we live in a nation where we are free to do so. 

Sincerely,
Me

*****

Dear Christian,

Please don't take it personally or get defensive when a Non-Christian is offended by you bringing up your faith.  Understand that while you, personally, may not have pushed your beliefs on them, they have probably received lectures on why they should believe what you believe.  While you may have good intentions, they have probably been bombarded with religious speech and told they're "going to hell" (or had it inferred with the ever-famous, "Well I know where I'M going).  They aren't trying to outwardly be ugly to you (most of the time).  On the contrary, they are putting up their barriers for someone to argue aggressively to them why they need to change their belief system.  Instead of giving them a lecture, leave it at praying for them and love them right where they're at.  If God intends to change that, HE will change their heart.  If God needs you to work on his behalf, HE will handle the timing.  Don't force it.  You see you and they can believe different things without arguing.  You can just accept that you see things differently and be glad that we live in a nation where we are free to do so.

Sincerely,
Me

Christians Who Shame Other Christians

I find it amusing how many blog posts, youtube rants and articles there are on why someone isn't behaving like a Christian.  In fact, I just read one last night from a very well-known blogger talking about it.  While I appreciate his viewpoint, and even more so his ability to express his opinion freely, I just simply am not on board with this idea that we are the ones to decide this. 

It seems that there is a whole group of Christians that feel it is in their authority to decide who is and isn't a Christian.  They feel it is their need to tell the world that someone just isn't performing up to par as an executive at a company does with their employees.  I have to wonder where their authority comes from.  Biblically speaking, God tells us not to judge and to worry about the plank in our own eye instead of the splinter in our neighbor's.  Of course He tells us to let someone know if they're doing something wrong....in confidence, behind closed doors, and with love.  Let me repeat that: in confidence, behind closed doors and with love.  See how that works? 

It is one thing to state your opinion in a blog.  It's good for people to read all sorts of different opinions.  What isn't okay is to present your opinion in a way that makes others feel guilty for disagreeing.  What isn't okay is to manipulate someone into believing that if they don't agree with you, they are somehow less of a Christian.  What isn't okay is making a divisive line among Christians because you don't like the way someone behaves.  Unless God has actually come down and "knighted" you as a prophet that is supposed to scream from the rooftops, keep your prophesies to a minimum there, pal.  God has a way of knocking people off of their pedestal and he doesn't take kindly to people speaking their opinion on His behalf.

The definition of a Christian is one who believes that Jesus was born of a virgin, died on the cross and rose again, all on behalf of our sins.  Different religions have different beliefs as to baptism vs Christening.  Different religions have different beliefs as to what age it should occur.  Different religions have different beliefs as to who can and can't receive communion.  The list goes on and on.  What is agreed upon amongst Christian is that one belief (the aforementioned).  THAT is what makes someone a Christian.

One of the best lessons I've ever learned from a pastor's wife was that different people are in different stages of their walks with Christ.  Some are more seasoned and some are just beginning their walk.  Some progress quickly and some take decades to move to the next step.  Some are extremely well versed in Biblical quotes and others know the stories but not necessarily the verses from which they are quoted.  If someone knows any entire Shakespearean work and can give you an overall synopsis along with their viewpoint that explains an understanding of it, but they can't give you direct quotes, does it mean that they didn't read it.  You see, God creates us each with a different set of abilities.  For some of us, He creates us with a great memory and a passion for memorizing things.  For others, He creates us with a love for learning and teaching things through actions.  You can't judge someone's faith based on the fact that they can't quote a Bible verse.  God has worked through millions of people from the smallest to the most famous and you can't base their faith on whether or not they have a big or small house, a fancy job or an entry level job, or anything else.  It's not your job to love them.  It's your job, direct from God's Word, to love them and to love God.

When Christians walk around with a high and mighty attitude, condemning everyone who they decide isn't performing up to par, they are not helping God's mission.  In fact, they are harming it.  It gives those that don't have a relationship with God the idea that everyone is going to judge them and treat them as if they are cruel.  Essentially, it's like treating others like the prostitute in the New Testament...you remember the prostitute, right?  She was the one that everyone else was condemning and, essentially, spitting on and Jesus picked her up and walked with her.  Do you want to know why?  It's because Jesus didn't believe in shaming people into doing what he wanted.  Jesus didn't believe in shaming people that didn't agree with him.  For crying out loud, he didn't even shame those that were whipping him and those that crucified him.  He was humble.  He was loving to EVERYONE regardless of their walk in life.  He was loving to EVERYONE regardless of whether or not they practiced what he practiced.  He was loving to EVERYONE regardless of where their walk was.  You see, when God calls us to try to be like Jesus, THAT is what he's referring to.  He's referring to loving people where they're at and guiding them by actions as HE changes their hearts and builds them into something great.  God NEVER works through shaming people.  He is NOT a God of shame; He is a God of Love.  So before you write some blog shaming anyone that doesn't agree with your "Biblical principles," perhaps you should consider that truth.  Go ahead and dispute it, as I'm sure you will.  Try to back it up with some hatred but when you finish, tell me if Jesus would be happy to read your blog post aloud to a crowd or not.  Tell me if Jesus would be standing before a crowd teaching that.  If you think he would, you seriously need to re-read the New Testament.

What it comes down to is this: no one has a right to judge someone else's relationship with God but God himself.  No one has a right to speak on God's behalf over whether or not someone is performing up to par but God.  Even if you don't speak it directly, when you use your popularity as a forum to shame someone else's opinion, you are not doing God's work.  You are not forwarding God's Kingdom by doing this.  You are doing your own work .  Period.

10 Things I Wish My Mom Had Told Me

My mom and I are not exceptionally close at all.  Because of this, I make it a point to be there for my girls (and my boys) and hope that they are learning how to be young ladies with strong minds and good hearts.  That said, there are 10 things I wish my Mom had told me.

1-It's Okay to Say "No".  We were taught to be obedient, which I'm grateful for.  However, when I was having issues with things, my mom always wanted me to be pleasant.  She didn't teach me to say, "No that's not acceptable behavior."  It took years to learn this and develop a backbone enough to say it.  I'm trying to teach my girls now.

2- It's Okay to Be Alone.  One of the greatest messages I learned in my adult life is that it's okay to be alone because I'm happy with myself.  I wish she'd have taught me this earlier on but maybe she wasn't secure with herself either.

3-It's Okay to Be Different.  When everyone was getting perms, my mom got me a perm.  She was so concerned with keeping up with everyone else that I thought that's how people lived...until I became an adult.  I find, now, that the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more comfortable you are with the idea that you're different.

4-It's Okay to Be Overwhelmed Sometimes.  When my kids were first born, I always got this feeling off of my mom that I needed to do everything.  She'd always tell me, "You're like me.  I always did everything myself too."  Whether that was true or not, I don't know.  What I do know is that feeling like I had to do it myself had to a major meltdown in my adult life that required counseling to get past.

5- It's Okay to Be Hated.  The truth is that this is one of the hardest things I ever had to learn in my adult years.  It's okay for someone to hate you.  It doesn't mean you have to trash talk them.  It doesn't mean you have to be angry or sad.  Sometimes people just won't like you.  It's generally more about them than you.

6-It's Okay to Fight Back.  My older sister used to torture the crap out of me as a kid.  She was really mean to me a whole lot of the time.  My parents attempted to punish her to get her to stop but it never really did.  Instead of teaching me to fight back and HOW to fight back, I was taught to just tell someone.  Later on in life when I was dealing with abuse, I tried to tell someone and it did no good.  I wish I'd have learned to fight back and how to do that.

7-It's Okay to Love Your Children Differently.  Note that I didn't say "more" but "differently."  Reality is that you will sometimes connect with one child easier than the other because they share common interests.  Maybe one of your children is more stubborn or standoffish while the other is a cuddly, easy-going child.  Maybe it's about something else.  It's okay to love your children in different ways as long as you love em as much as you can.  In fact, different kids (and people, in general) have different love languages anyway.

8-It's Okay to Let Your Kids Fail.  This refers more to adult kids than anything else and is much more true of my older sister's relationship with my mom.  My mom had her very young and has a hard time seeing her fail, which I believe stems back to an idea that if my sister fails, my mom has failed as a parent.  My Dad, on the other hand, was big on letting us fall down.  He was always there to pick me up but he knew that letting me fail was the best way to let me experience life and learn how to avoid the same mistake.

9-It's Okay to Love Something and Not Do It 24/7.  My mom pushed and pushed me with dance. I loved it and I still do but it came to a point where it was more about her than me.  At that time, my dad and I talked and I decided to quit.  Did I miss it sometimes?  Of course.  Did I miss the overwhelming pressure of trying to keep up with that and school and activities?  No way.  In some situations, trying to do what you love 24/7 makes you end up feeling more like it's a job than a passion.  It's okay to set limits.

10-It's Okay to Love Without Concern for Others Opinions.  This is the one that has been the hardest lesson for me.  Others opinions have deeply affected my relationship with my mother and it took me years of feeling like it was my fault before I began to realize that it isn't about me.  It's about her.  If you truly feel in your heart that you love someone and you've prayed and thought about it and it is still in your heart, you shouldn't let others' opinions phase you.  You should be thankful that you have someone to love.

Of course, these are only my opinions and there are a great number of things that my mom did wonderfully.  I suspect that some of the things she didn't tell me were due to the fact that she didn't feel them inside herself; maybe she still doesn't.  The fact is that instead of "giving my kids more" in terms of things so they can "have a better life than I did," my focus is on giving my kids knowledge, independence and the ability to learn to do whatever they want to do.  You see, THAT'S how I want to give them a better life.  Improve on what's already working, so to speak. 

Dr King's message and What we Can Do

Today, we celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr Day.  In order to give my kids some interesting facts, I looked up on the internet and found some cool information:

1-His name was originally Michael King but when his parents took a trip to Germany, his father made a decision to change his name to Martin Luther King (in homage to the famous theologian) and, thus, changed their son's name to Martin Luther King, Jr.

2-MLK Jr was a smoker.  He hid it from the public and his kids because of the stigma.

3-When MLK Jr died at age 39, he had the heart of a 60 year old.  They speculate that it's due to his stress level.

Now that we're past the cool facts, let's focus on the real message he was trying to get across. ALL men are created equal.  ALL men can go on a path to greatness.  ALL men should have the same possibilities available to them in every avenue of life.  What an inspiring message.

It's funny how people will try to bash someone with a great message and find something wrong with them.  There are rumors out there that he was an adulterer.  There are rumors of things that he did and the fact that he was an agnostic at some point.  These, of course, are simply rumors.  Personally, none of those things matter to me.  I think that Dr King had an amazing message and he was just like the rest of us, doing our best to be a good person.  I'm sure he DID make mistakes, just like we all do but this speech and his work changed lives.  He was an incredible man.

I wonder what he would have thought of our nation today.  I wonder what his opinion would have been of the Ferguson riots.  I wonder what he would have thought of "Black Lives Matter."  I wonder what he would think of some of the President's remarks on race. The fact is that we have come a long way.  I don't think Dr King would support ANY type of violence on behalf of ANY race.  I don't believe he would have supported the riots in Ferguson; he would have supported peaceful protest and trying to make a difference in productive ways.  I don't believe that he would support "Black Lives Matter" because the movement has taken so many violent ways on it.  He would have supported a peaceful movement.  You see, he wasn't just fighting for African Americans, he was fighting for everyone to have a fair shot.  He was fighting for equality.  All lives matter.  All people should have opportunity.  Dr King was about so much more than just one quality of a person.  He wanted everyone to have the same opportunities available to them and, I think he would have fought for those same opportunities for every race and creed.  He would have "fought" with speeches and inspiration, not looting and anger.  Dr King was a great man.

I think we should all take a little bit of inspiration from Dr King today, and always.  Be peaceful, not angry.  You can absolutely fight for something but fight in productive ways that will change the world.  In other words, don't reduce someone else's right to their opinion or their lifestyle.  Dr King fought not to take away rights but to add.  He fought not to give more of the pie to one race but, instead, to create more pie and make sure everyone had equal slices.  He fought to make sure that EVERYONE had rights.  Let's all fight for everyone's rights.  Instead of worrying about whether or not you agree with gun control or whatever right, agree that we should all have the right to do as we please.  Instead of fighting for one person's right to do something great, fight for everyone's right to find something great within themselves.  Instead of teaching our kids what to think with common core, fight to teach our children HOW to think for themselves.  We need more great men like Dr King.  May he be honored greatly today

Aaron Rodgers Coin Toss Debaucle

Having grown up in Chicago, I was raised to hate the Packers.  That said, I have a general rule about respecting players even if I hate their teams...which is why I hate Aaron Rodgers whining about the coin toss.  Aaron Rodgers is an incredible player.  In fact, complete disclosure, he was my Fantasy Football quarterback and led my team to the Fantasy Bowl for a win.  There are a number of incredible players on the Packers team, in general.  The game this weekend had some incredible plays and that hail mary....holy crap!  That's why I don't understand the whining.

I get it.  It's frustrating when your team loses.  It's frustrating when you lose in over time.  It's frustrating when you worked so hard all season.  I get it.  I do.  The Packers had a pretty amazing season and they played hard.  They are an all-go no play team 99% of the time and I have a lot of respect for them as a team (even if I loathe them because of my upbringing).  After the bitch fest earlier this season, I thought this whining was over.  Now it's whining about the coin not flipping in the air.  Let me ask you this: would he have still complained had it gone in his favor?  Not a chance.  It's an excuse.  He NEEDS no excuse because half of a football game is opportunity.

So Aaron Rodgers, keep your chin up.  Be classy about this.  No more whining about a coin toss.  You played hard and all of us know how amazing you are...the best of the best, man.  There's always next season.

Dear Aggravated Shopper

Dear Annoyed Shopper,

I saw the frustrated posture you showed while waiting on me to finish my check out today.  I saw you repeatedly check your phone and roll your eyes, commenting to yourself (or whoever you were talking to) that you "couldn't believe this lady was checking out that many groceries on a Saturday afternoon" and "so fu**ing stupid to have two carts of groceries on a Saturday."  Let me, first, take this opportunity to say that I'm sorry that you were inconvenienced and I hope that your day improved after the store.

I wish you would have taken a moment to look around and realize that there were several other lanes open.  You walked up after the cashier was already beginning to unload my groceries and scan or I probably would have offered to let you go ahead of me.  There were express lanes and self check out lanes available.  I frequent this grocery store and I have met very few staff members that are not friendly.  I can honestly say that they would have assisted you in finding a more accommodating lane. 

I wish you would have thought about the words you were saying.  Saturdays are very common shopping days.  Hell, YOU were out shopping on a Saturday.  As a single working parent, I have very few days to run errands.  Believe me, if I would have been able to wave a magic wand and had it all done, I wouldn't have been in the store either.  I'd have been out somewhere enjoying the fresh air.  Furthermore, no one is "stupid" for shopping on a Saturday.  That's absurd.

I wish you could have noticed the fact that I had my daughter packing groceries into the cart as fast as the cashier could put them on the conveyor belt.  I had my coupons ready and my card was already scanned to pay.  The quantity of groceries was large but the process was relatively quick.  Again, other lanes were available with less groceries.

I wish you could have been a bit less grouchy about the whole thing.  The poor cashier looked back and saw the impending doom.  She knew you were going to grouch at her over having to wait....and I feel for her. 

Instead of all of these things, you chose to be bitter and ugly.  Realistically, YOU were the one acting stupid.  YOU were the one copping an attitude when you could have easily resolved your situation by moving somewhere else.  I have to assume, based on your behavior, that you are one of those entitled people that thinks they're the center of the universe and for that, I'm very sad for you.  I truly DO hope that your day improved after the store but if it didn't, I hope that you at least spent the rest of the day doing something you enjoyed instead of spreading your bitter venom to anyone nearby.

Sincerely,
The "Stupid" Mom in the Check out lane

Ignore It

There is a whole lot of knowledge that can be attained from quotes we were told as children.  Today's little nugget of advice from my childhood (and, I'm sure, before) is "Ignore someone who's annoying you.  When they stop getting a reaction, they'll stop bugging you."  It's a completely true piece of advice and a simple remedy to a frustrating problem.  I want to take this one step further, though.  I'd like to compare this to stupid celebrity stories.

There are a few celebrities that just drive me bonkers.  Just seeing their names come up in the news makes me develop a wicked twitch of frustration that anyone could possibly be that dumb.  There is a specific, highly publicized family of mostly girls and one who has recently become a girl, that makes me want to scream every time they're mentioned.  With that said, they make great click bait.  *Sigh* And to think it all started with a sex tape. *eye roll*

That said, I view their names the same way that the aforementioned advice says: ignore them.  That's right, I don't click on things that say their names.  I won't contribute to their paychecks.  They make enough money from their clothing line and other ridiculous over priced items that people buy.  I find that some people click to read an article on them just to criticize.  You'll find them trolling the comments section being bombarded by fans saying, "Why did you come here?"  The fans and I may disagree on whether or not these mindless plastic wannabe talents (and there is literally only ONE of them that I think has a degree of talent and she mostly tries to avoid the media raucous) are deserving of anyone's time but we definitely agree on the trolling.  Why bother going to a comment section just to tear them down? If you don't like them, don't click.

I've explained this in other posts, as well.  If you don't want to see something in the media, ignore it.  Clicking on it gives the advertisers and websites the idea that you want to read about it.  When they stop getting clicks on that topic, they will move on.  When magazines stop having you buy their cover stories, they'll stop putting them on the cover.  When people stop watching them on TV, they'll stop showing them.  You see, THAT'S how the media works.  Ignore them and they'll soon be a distant memory.

Until then, let me give you one last nugget on the topic: this, too, applies to political candidates.  You don't have to like or agree with a political candidate but you are making a serious mistake if you keep posting "look at this jackass" articles on social media.  You are actually giving this person a curiosity to read an article which they will then pass on.  You may not agree with the candidate but you are only increasing their popularity by posting on them. Educate YOURSELF but don't give the candidates you loathe more oomph.

The "Shaming" Trend on Not Wanting College

I feel like there is a sort of "shaming" that seems to be part of the country today when it comes to careers.  Decades ago, if someone asked a child what they wanted to be and they said "trash man," the child wasn't shamed.  They were allowed to draw pictures of them as a trash man.  Maybe they changed their mind and maybe they didn't. The fact is that being a trash man wasn't looked at widely as a bad thing.  It was no different than a child that said they wanted to be a teacher, doctor, firefighter, or a chef.  It was a job.

It seems, now, like parents feel the need to shame their children if they aren't selecting a career they deem acceptable.  I constantly hear parents say things like, "Well you won't make any money" or "Well that's just silly."  To these parents, I say the following: It takes all kinds of people to make up the world and no job is silly.  Let the trash men strike for a week and see how much you realize we need them.  Let the chefs in restaurants strike for a month and see how much it affects a whole lot of people.  Let the custodians in schools and businesses strike for a week and let's see how much you notice the disgusting change.  Let the day care workers or nannies strike and see how many people are still able to care for their children.  I'm sure there are frivolous jobs but they are few and far between so please don't poo-poo on your child for not wanting a job that requires a college degree.

In a country where there is so much focus on attending college, I find myself amazed at how many people have college degrees that they never use.  I find myself amazed at how many people discover AFTER spending money on college that they don't even enjoy what they went to school for.  Kids are expected, at 18, to make a choice and stick with it but they change so much between 18 and 25 years old.  Kids are told that they have to go to college but reality is that there are many careers where you don't start with a higher salary just because went to college.

My point is that there are all kinds of career paths that you can take and all of these jobs help our countries run smoothly.  Instead of shaming a child over their career choice, encourage them and let THEM make the choice.  Chances are they will change their mind or change their job more than once anyway.  Let them make mistakes.  Let them dream big dreams.  Let them be kids instead of making them feel less.  You just might be surprised when they grow up and enjoy their life, regardless of what career they have.

Where Are the Tears for MS?

There was a fire last night in Denver. A man in his 40s who had MS was inside the house and was confined to his bed.  Neighbors rushed over to try to help him out.  1 firefighter, 3 neighbors and the elderly couple living in the house (the parents of the man with MS) were all taken to the hospital to be treated.  What a devastating event....it's heart breaking.

As I watched the news story this morning, I experienced a range of emotion from anger to sadness and everything in between.  The President gave a State of the Union last night and gave us a whole speech on how he had done all of these great things.  My opinion is extremely different but all that echoes in my mind, is what greatness did you do?  You forced Obamacare on us and made health care outrageously priced.  You claimed that it would help us to get better quality health care and to have everyone covered.  But you lied, Mr President. The quality of health care is no better.  You have made medication prices soar because of your plan.  It was a lovely concept with awful, rushed execution and you wrapped an outrageous amount of political bullshit in with the bill.

What about those affected with diseases like MS?  What have you done to help THEM?  What have you done to assist their families in being able to help them more?  Have you made medications more affordable for them?  No.  Have you fought to even try?  No.  Have you fought for more research to be done instead of wasting money on ridiculous studies?  No.  While you tout how health is important and your wife changes the school lunch program, why are you not encouraging studies on these diseases so we can find out more about what might cause them, how to treat them, and maybe even find a cure?   While you tout how we need to accept immigrants that we know nothing about, why are you not taking care of the citizens of this country and trying to help them be the healthiest they can be by encouraging cures for these diseases? While you tell me that I shouldn't be upset that you want to fund abortions (and yes, I know the general public is told that the federal government doesn't fund abortion), you're not working to fund cures for diseases of people that often work their asses off just to pay for the medications to treat their illness. If you want to fund something, let's fund research on these diseases.

You cry, Mr President, over the deaths of children by the hands of a gun and I agree.  How sad.  How devastating.  But Mr President, guns didn't cause those deaths, the people handling them did.  Where are your tears for the people affected by these debilitating diseases?  While we know that the holders of guns cause the deaths of those killed, we have no idea what causes these diseases.  Where are your tears for those who don't know what they'll wake up to each morning?  One day their legs won't work or they won't be able to see or they lose the ability to hold their bladder.  Where are your tears for them? 

My anger stems straight from the heart.  If you want to leave behind a legacy, Mr President, leave behind a legacy where you fought to encourage scientists to find cures for diseases.  Stop running studies to tell me how obese we are and start funding studies to tell me how we are going to treat the symptoms of these awful diseases.  Stop going golfing and start walking in these awareness walks for diseases that remain silent killers for so many.  Do something that no one can argue with to help our nation get healthy in a real way and improve the lives of so many.  Your legacy is a joke, Mr President.  Spend your last year doing something that isn't.

Lottery

Everyone is buzzing about what they'd do if they won the lottery.  Your chances are so minimal but it's almost a given to play when it's over a billion dollars.  My response is always that I have no idea how in the world I'd spend all the money.  In fact, I wouldn't spend it all. I can't think of anyone I know that COULD spend ALL of it.  So if I won, this would be my lottery bucket list....

1.  Buy a house in my same school zone-- Yes that's right.  I wouldn't want to move to the beach.  I'd want to buy a house big enough to give my kids each their own bedroom and craft.  I'd want a garage big enough to have a workshop and a yard big enough to let my kids play football in the yard.  It doesn't have to be an outrageously huge house.  3 baths would be nice.

2.  Pay off any and all debt I have. 

3.  Buy a couple of cars, again nothing over the top.  A big truck with 4WD and a tow package.  A 4WD Tahoe with a tow package.  Maybe a car that I could play on and fix up like an old Camaro.

4.  Buy some property or a cabin that we could use for cabin.  It doesn't have to be anything big at all.  Just somewhere we can camp and have fun.

5.  Book a really kickass Orlando vacation for my family.  I just want to do this one time so go big or go home.

6.  Rescue some animals and get a couple of bulldog pups

7. Donate at least $100,000 per charity to my favorite charities.

8.  Set myself up with a salary to work from home where I get a monthly amount.

9.  Give my nearest a dearest a little something.

10.  Invest the rest.

Boring?  Perhaps. I just don't believe in having an extravagant house or car that I don't need.  It's just not my thing. Good luck to all playing.  As the Hunger Games say, "May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor."

Nicki vs Farrah....I can't believe I even read up on this

If ever you start to wonder about the level of intelligence you have, look up the twitter fight that just took place between Farrah Abraham and Nicki Minaj.  I'm not usually very up to date on celebrity malarkey but this was a trending topic and drew my attention more than whose gown was black or red or yellow from an awards ceremony.  What it comes down to is this: Nicki called out Farrah for being disrespectful to her mom.  Farrah lashed out at Nicki with a variety of comments, not the least of which is that her videos look like pornos.  Meanwhile, Farrah has made a good portion of her fortune through pornos and sex toys.  Hi pot, I'm the great big slutty kettle.

I've taken issue with Farrah for awhile now based on several qualities.  1-She's constantly pawning her child off on her family to "work." I have witnessed enough celebrity stories to know that you can network, as a celebrity, and still bring your kids.  There are a number of high profile celebrities who manage just fine. 

She's a disrespectful twit to her mother.  It's one thing to not get along with your mother and I fully understand that we only see what they want you to see.  However, what little I've watched of this show has shown her to be completely disrespectful, entitled and rude.  Is it partly her parents fault for raising her that way?  Sure.  Does that mean she needs to continue that as an adult (and I use that term loosely seeing as she behaves like a 16 year old still)?  Nope.

She seems to treat her child like a convenience tool/money maker.  She seems to flaunt her child when it helps to make her money and then turns around and ignores her otherwise (as mentioned above).  It was one thing to be featured on a show about teenage pregnancy to raise "awareness" but she is, at this point, trying to live out some celebrity dream instead of caring for her child. 

Most of all, though, my issue takes point with the fact that she has made herself into a joke.  If you look at some of the other teen moms, they've chosen to move on and pursue greater things.  They made money doing the show and are now making money working and doing actual jobs.  They're buying houses and having more children and building lives.  Farrah has chosen to star in sex tapes, create sex toys and has destroyed her body and face with cosmetic surgery to destroy what used to be a beautiful girl.  I just can't back that when she had an opportunity to do something better with her life. 

So rock on Nicki Minaj.  I may not always agree with what she says but she is dead on here.  Farrah needs to grow up and realize that she needs to build a real life with her child as the center and stop treating her mother like a second glance.

Making Them Grow Up Too Fast

Okay I couldn't help myself.  After seeing someone post today about how their 2 year old can operate their cell phone better than they (as an adult) can, I can't keep my big mouth shut....*sigh*.  For all of the people who are into the warm, mushy, "let's just give our kids everything they want so they don't have be without" parenting approach, you're not going to like this so prepare to pounce (as you do whenever I post something that differs from your opinion).  Let's all take a moment to remember that I'm not telling you that this is what you have to do.  I'm simply telling you my opinion on the topic.

Here goes....

Maybe, just maybe, part (and I only say PART) of the reason we are having such an issue with entitled kids coming up is that we feel like they need to grow up NOW.  We are giving two year olds that should be playing with sensory toys and learning how to share access to cell phones often enough that they know how to operate them better than some adults.  We are not just using electronics as a tool to aid in their teaching process but using it as a babysitter claiming that it's okay because it's an "educational game."  The privilege of electronic learning used to be something reserved for kindergarten or first graders as a tool in schooling.  Gone are those days.  Give the toddler an I Phone, right?  Then we wonder why our kids have a hard time functioning in real life situations and using their imaginations.

We're giving five year olds that should be working on learning how to read, how to function in a classroom and respect authority, and dreaming up wonderful things with their imaginations expensive video gaming systems and even more access to cell phones.  We're buying them I Pads and tablets.  Why?  Well it's because they're paying "educational games" and learning technology.  Of course it's more important that they learn these things than that they learn basic life skills that they might need later in life.  Then we wonder why they have no ability to function around other people in a way that they should.

We're giving ten year olds cell phones because "they need it to stay in touch."  Why?  What happened to walking down the street to talk to you?  What happened to talking to their friends in person instead of through texting?  What happened to playing outside? Then we wonder why there is an obesity epidemic and a bullying epidemic.  Kids haven't learned how to function in the real world.

We're giving teenagers the same privileges adults should have.  They're having cars given to them for graduating high school.  Something that was once an expectation is now being rewarded with a car!  We're GIVING these kids things that they should be earning.  We're giving them privileges as teenagers that they don't have the capability to handle emotionally, mentally or (in some cases) physically and then expecting them to handle them as an adult.  They've been raised to never learn how to function in society and then we're expecting them to be able to go out on their own in the world.

Perhaps you can't see the connection in all of this.  I find it to be simple.  Stop making your kid grow up quickly and teach them the skills they should be learning.  Stop trying to please them so they don't throw a fit and start teaching them how to cope with the emotions when they don't get what they want.  Stop trying to coddle them and teach them that no one should be able to disagree or say something mean and start teaching them that people have opinions and they will sometimes differ from yours and that's okay.  Stop trying to teach them that sticking your nose in an electronic 24/7 is something that has to be done and then getting mad when they don't feel safe talking to you about the important stuff.  Teach your kids to be kids while they can.

Serial Pinner

Not every post has to be serious and thinking.  Since it's Saturday and the lottery jackpot is up to 800 million, I decided to do something fun today.

I admit it.  I'm a serial pinner.  I love my Pinterest page.  It's a great time waster when I'm sitting in the carpool lane and I have found a number of great ideas.  With that said, I found myself pinning way too may recipes and never using them.  One of my goals for the month was to try some of the recipes and delete them if I won't use them.  It's been quite a process.  In doing this little project, I have found that I can weed through some of the recipes without even looking. Here are some of my personal criteria.

1.  Casserole recipes designed to be main dishes should save money.  That means if it uses the exact quantities of ingredients that I'd use to make meatball subs as meatball sub casserole, I'm just making the subs. 

2.  As much as I love "exotic" dessert recipes to try, if it requires me to use an ingredient I can't find in a normal grocery store OR if it requires me to flambe it, I'm not interested.  I'm more of a keep it simple kinda gal.

3.  If the pin is title something like "50 cake recipes you'll love", I'm not even bothering.  Chances are, I won't take the time to read through the recipes anyway.  If I do, I just want the one or two cake recipes I like, not all 50.

4.  Low fat recipes.  Okay so this is my a personal preference.  Whenever I see the word "diet" on a recipe, I think "chemical shitstorm."  If it says low fat, it's likely to include diet products.  I'm not interested in putting that into my body.

5.  Cheese smothered in cheese with more cheese.  No, I don't need this.  I'm all for cheese but if unless this is a macaroni and cheese recipe, it's not worth it.

From one serial pinner to another, may the pins be with you.

The Argument for Pink Legos

There seems to have been a bit of an uproar in the past couple of years over "gender specific" toys.  The idea is that it's somehow putting children into a box for "girl toys" to be pink and "boy toys" to be primary colors.  The idea is that it puts children into a box for there to be labels at all on aisles designating "girl" and "boy" toys.  The idea is that companies are stereotyping children by providing specific toys marketed at specific genders.

While I see both sides of this argument, I tend to think the answer is much more simple than moms/dads vs big toy companies.  I tend to think the answer is that we are simply far too concerned with everything being fair and ideal and politically correct to the point that we're bullying companies into bending to our entitled PC attitudes.  Before you get offended (and I'm sure there are some that will), let me explain the theory.  You can feel free to agree or disagree because it's simply my opinion on the topic.

Companies base their marketing on what the consumers ask for/show interest in.  Companies regularly pay attention to trends and surveys.  Basically this means that there was an interest many years ago when this "pink and purple" trend started that  directed them towards it.  Likely, a group of moms said, "Why aren't there any "girly" toys for my daughter?"  Boom!  Ask and you shall receive.  The companies started provided pink and purple and princess EVERYTHING in order to cater to these moms.  Companies don't need to be bullied.  They just need to hear your voice.  They don't need to be shamed.  Companies respond better to market research than public shaming anyway.  Instead of focusing on trying to take them down, tell them by buying specific products and COMPLETING SURVEYS ON THE ITEMS.  A company's interest is based on profit much more than public opinion.

Another completely valid point is that before these pink and purple toys were available, moms were finding ways to paint and create these toys to make them more girly.  That's right, folks, we brought this on ourselves.  Moms didn't want their little girls to have to drive around in a yellow and red toddler car toy.  No sir.  We needed to paint it to make it girly.  We needed to add stickers.  Think of how Pinterest looks today.  There are millions of ideas on how to customize your children's toys to look more girly/boyish, trendy or even to mix in with your décor. People don't want to just dress their daughter in a Batman costume.  No sir.  We need to make it into a batman costume with a tutu because it's girly. This goes back to the "companies base their marketing on interest."  If they see that there is an interest in a specific trend, they will create the product to create (say it with me) profit. 

Perhaps the most valid argument for the companies, in my opinion, is this: if polled, most parents could honestly care less if blocks are labeled as boy toys.  Are we seriously so sensitive that we have to get upset over this?  Are these parents the same over-sensitive tattle tales, as children, that were concerned that someone called them a doody head?  Why do you CARE if it's labeled as a boy or girl toy?  If your child enjoys it, buy it.  If they don't, don't buy it.  Pretty simple.  Instead of causing a big fuss and shaming a company publically, buy the products you like.  If it's in an aisle or category (online) that is gender specific, oh well.  Is your child honestly paying that much attention to whether the item in the online cart was under a specific title?  Probably not.  Why?  Because it's doesn't matter to them.  It matters to you. 

Look, I'm not saying that we shouldn't let our sons play with dolls or our daughter play with legos.  In fact, I'm quite inclined to introduce them to a whole slew of toys and let them make their own choice.  I don't believe there is anything remotely gender specific about these toys regardless of color, marketing scheme, etc.  It's just a color on a toy.  It's just a princess picture on a toy.  It's not what defines the toy to begin with.  I honestly feel like people are hyper sensitive and find reasons to gripe about everything just to make a fuss.  Let me let you in on a little secret: your kids mostly likely don't care if the product comes from a "girl" aisle or a "boy aisle."  They probably don't care if anyone will ostracize them for playing with it because it's what they like.  Generations of kids grew up just fine before there was all of this focus on these toys.

What it comes down to is this: if you don't like the marketing on a product, don't buy it.  Find an alternative.  No one is forcing you to shop in the pink Lego part of the store.  You can buy your daughter a Star Wars lego set and that's just fine.  You can buy your son an American Girl doll and that's just fine.  You are making it into a far bigger deal than it really is.  Stop being over sensitive and worrying about everything being politically correct and the world will be a much more peaceful place.

Congrats....It's a Boy

So you're the proud parent of a new baby boy.  Congratulations.  You're in for the ride of your life.  It's likely to be the most rough and tumble, silly, smelly, but absolutely fun time of your life...and you'll probably love every single minute.  I want to preface this article with a disclaimer: of course this does not apply to every single boy.  I don't make myself out to be some sort of expert (though I'm not sure that some of the experts are really experts either in any way but "on paper") and this blog is for entertainment purposes only.  So here goes....

Pee Pee  Prepare yourself....no seriously prepare yourself.  It's starts early.  Baby boys are infamous for peeing in your face when you're changing their diaper.  Baby stores now sell products like Pee Pee Tee-Pees that "protect" you.  However you prepare yourself, be ready.  It begins at birth.  As they get older, they use that little fire hose to spray everywhere.  Unless you teach your son to pee sitting down, prepare yourself.  It's probably going to end up on the toilet seat at least once...and that's if you're lucky. More likely, you'll be cleaning urine off the seat, lid, wall, floor and anywhere else you can imagine...and some places you never would think.  Prepare yourself to use the phrase, "How in the world did he get pee there?"

Farting  Flatulence, fart, gas, toot, pookie, the list of names goes on and on.  Let me make this simple: boys think this is hilarious.  It starts young and it never goes away.   Prepare yourself for the wafting scent of poo as you open a door and say, "Good Lord!"  It's bad...and they think it's hilarious.  One fart can send them into hysterical laughter for days...and it doesn't even have to be their own.

Messy Handwriting.  I actually have one son that blows this handwriting thing out of the water.  The other one is a "typical boy" with it.  Boys have a hard time writing neatly.  Their large motor skills often develop earlier than their small motor skills so it may take years for them to develop better handwriting, assuming they desire to do so. 

High Energy Most little boys are high energy 24/7.  They seem to be alert even when they're sleeping, at time.  They can run for hours and, my recommendation is that you start young letting them run off their energy instead of putting them in front of an electronic to keep them still.  Let them develop those muscles.  Let them use what God gave them.

No Fear.  Most little boys seem to have no fear whatsoever.  Seriously.  They'll jump off of anything on to anything.  Stitches start early and x rays become the norm.  You want to wrap them in bubble wrap just to prevent them from getting another bump, bruise, or boo boo. 

These are just my personal top five "be ready" statements for a boy.  Boys also bring with them a myriad of great qualities.  They are bright, imaginative, funny, and they give incredible hugs.  Whatever you son shows characteristics of, you're in for the ride of your life.  Hold on tight and have a blast.  They're only little for so long.

Walk A Mile in Their Shoes

There is an abundance of expressions that tell us not to judge others until we've looked at it from their perspective (or "from their shoes"). It seems like a simple enough concept.  In fact, it seems like it should be second nature given the entitlement epidemic that goes on.  You don't want anyone to judge you or tell you how to live your life, right?  The question is this:  do you exercise that same kindness to others?  Do you practice what you preach when it comes to not being judgmental and cruel when you look at others?

I find that there seems to be a bit of a "prejudice" (definition: preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience) against both wealthy people and homeless people.  For whatever reason, people feel the need to look down their noses at how wealthy people spend their money.  For whatever reason, people feel the need to look down their noses at homeless people and assume that they are simply looking for money for booze or drugs.  For whatever reason, single moms are looked down on for being single moms (or dads, for that matter) and divorced couples are looked down on for "giving up."  All this and more by the very same people that don't want people judging them.  The irony drips from the whole thing.

One of the biggest social media examples I've seen, of late, is the meme that talks about the fact that Joel Osteen has a big house, preaches in a big church and yet there are still homeless people/hungry children.  The indication is that Joel Osteen should be living like a pauper because Jesus didn't live a wealthy life.  The indication is that Joel Osteen shouldn't be allowed to experience success because he's a pauper.  The indication is that Joel Osteen living in an apartment would somehow solve the hunger crisis.  All of this "shared" over and over on social media by people that wouldn't even stop on a road side to give a homeless man a sandwich.  All of this "shared" by people who don't donate anywhere near as large a percentage of their income as Joel Osteen does.  All of this "shared" by people that don't want anyone in their pocket telling them how to spend their money or forcing it on them.  When it's brought up to them that they're being judgmental, they get defensive and say that it's not the same thing....except it is.

There are a whole lot of wealthy people who have worked hard and spent a lot of time on their knees praying to get where they are.  They DO give and, more than that, they spread the word of God to millions that wouldn't hear it otherwise.  On the other side of it, there are a whole lot of homeless people who aren't on drugs or drinking themselves into a stupor.  Before you pass judgment on either of these, you should consider that you don't know their story. Before you pass judgment on anyone for how they live their lives, perhaps you should walk a mile in their shoes and attempt to understand.  Even better than that, if you are not going to actively contribute to the problem, maybe you shouldn't comment at all.

Educate Yourself and Vote

In this election year, I want to take a moment to discuss what I view as the most important factor in the voting process: educating yourself.  I, personally, am an independent voter.  Quite honestly, I feel that both parties are relatively corrupt at this point and that they are spending more time trying to advance their own agendas than worrying about the state of our country.  With that being said, I'm not going to take this opportunity to promote a specific candidate.  I'm not going to tell you the pros and cons of a specific party or why someone's ideas are nonsense.  That's not what this post is about.  What I'm going to tell you is that voting IS important.  If you've been led to believe that it isn't, read about it.  Read about how you can truly affect the nation and how one voice, one vote can be combined into millions and change the state of our country that is currently struggling so hard.  What I'm going to tell you is that you need to read up.  Don't just read articles from one mainstream media site but read all different perspectives.  The media spins things so severely that it's hard to get any real information.  Read, read and read some more about what these candidates have done, are planning to do, believe in and so on.  Look at all different news sources and read the opinions of those talking about the topics, even if you don't agree.  Get as many perspectives as you can and then MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION!  Educate yourself on how you want our country to look and find the candidate that matches most closely.  Don't just look at the promises they're making but look at how they can achieve them, what kind of money will be spent and how that will affect you.  Remember that nothing is free so ask the questions that need to be asked...how is this going to be paid for and how will this affect our economy and my tax dollars.  Look at the big picture and how other countries are working under similarly-viewed individuals.  Educate yourself fully and then make a choice.  Let's make our country great again!

A Powerful Message on the Positive Way we Discuss Disability

http://themighty.com/2015/11/teen-wants-to-change-the-positive-way-we-talk-about-disability/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Mighty_Page&utm_campaign=DISABILITY


This.  This is an article and blog post about the way we talk about disability and I couldn't love it more.  (I don't own the rights to it, get proceeds from it, etc.)  This young woman nails it.  She has a powerful message that makes you rethink the way that you "speak positively" about disability.  She discusses how she we, in essence, belittle disabled persons by calling every little thing they do inspirational.  She discusses how we shouldn't be so focused on applauding every little role on TV or article that a disabled person is in, but instead that we should be focusing on making it so common that it's normal.  She makes a number of amazing points but here is my favorite:

Political correctness is making everyone so afraid of offending people that we're afraid to ask questions and start a conversation (It's not an exact quote but it sums it up pretty well).

I agree.  We should be able to have a discussion and ask questions.  Knowledge is power.  We will never learn about a person's disability if we don't ask.  If we don't learn about it, we have no way of knowing what we could do to ACTUALLY try to help.  We should be asking the questions that really matter.  We should be asking about how the disease (or whatever caused the disability) is diagnosed so we can encourage awareness and early intervention where possible.  We should be asking how the disease (etc) affects them personally so we know where can start in finding ways to assist them in doing things just as able bodied persons do (She uses an example of a make up artist that nails it).  Instead of being afraid to ask, we need to understand that we can't ACTUALLY help the disabled community until we know how we can help.  More importantly, no one can tell us HOW we can help better than the people who live this life on a daily basis.

Disabilities come in all shapes, sizes, forms, and severities.  Let's take this girl's message and run with it.  Let's ask the questions and find ways to truly talk about disability in a positive way.

Resolutions

Everyone is busy making resolutions right now and the simple fact is that a whole lot of resolutions don't stick and with good reason.  The reason that everyone tries to jump in with both feet and no life jacket.  You go in with no swimming lessons and a good portion of people go in with weights on their ankles.  In other words, you're heading into a resolution without a plan.  Reaching a goal is seldom able to be achieved while flying by the seat of your pants. 

I'd like to offer a simple piece of advice that applies to more than just resolutions: just take it one day at a time.  Set small achievable goals that will help you achieve your larger goal.  For instance, if your goal is to lose weight, set a goal weight/size and then small achievable goals with rewards.  Every time you reach a goal, set up a reward.  Instead of trying to only eat healthy food with no treats at all, set realistic goals and understand that flexibility may be required.

The goals I've heard most commonly are to (1) lose weight, (2) get out of debt and (3) exercise more.  There will be loads of penny pinching, gym goers and produce being bought for the first month but it will start to wane off.  It seems that people get so caught up in their goals that they think if they have bad days, they've failed.  You haven't failed until you give up.  Keep plugging away.  Keep working toward your goal.  Reward.  Surround yourself with people that encourage you and know that you CAN do it.  You're stronger than you know.  You're tougher than you think and you're capable of more than you can imagine.  Keep your chin up.

Parenting Books Are Making Us Crazy

When I was talking to my teenage daughter earlier today, I realized that an idea that I'd had years ago was finally confirmed.  The idea?  It's simple really.  I believe that too many studies and articles and books by famous doctors have us all on edge and it can actually make you into a worse parent.  Before you jump down my throat for the theory, understand that it's just a theory of mine.  I don't hold it to be absolute fact and I don't force it down other people's throats.  I simply present the idea as a piece of information to get you to open your mind to other ideas.  If you disagree, fine.  If you agree, fine.  If you're somewhere in between, even better.  It means that you are wrapping your own ideas, opinions and experiences into the concept which means that it hasn't taught you WHAT to think, but is encouraging you HOW to think (for yourself.).  Here's the evidence I cite to back up my theory....

Since the early 80s, the market for parenting books has grown by leaps and bounds.  The intention is good enough.  We are all reading them trying to be better parents.  I'm a big advocate of the "knowledge is power" concept.  Ultimately, the reader thinks that if they want to be an engineer, they'd study engineering books; therefore, if they want to be a good parent, they will read parenting books.  It makes sense in theory but not as much in practice.  Why?  There are several reasons.  One of these reasons is that every book has a different approach and if you tried to exercise every single approach, you'd never be able to do anything else.  Another reason is that every child is different and requires different approaches.  Yet another reason is that a whole lot of people (a large proportion of them women) tend to focus their attention on following every single detail to a tee instead of using the book as a jumping off point.  In my opinion, these books are written with the intention of giving you something to think about.  No rational doctor would assume that their way is the only way to handle a situation.  The books are designed to give you some ideas, approaches that might help you get the result you're seeking. They are not necessarily designed to be a how-to manual that guarantees your child will sleep through the night.

Reality TV is unrealistic.  I admit it: shows like "Super Nanny" are terribly interesting to me.  The reason is simple. It is interesting to see a different approach to a problem.  Once again, this is a case of people tending to believe that it's a how-to manual instead of an idea on how to try.  These shows are not a guaranteed result.  Reality TV is anything but reality.  It's edited to make it appear more dramatic, eye-catching and fun.  What you see is not always what you get.  Shows like that would have you believe that a time out rug will solve all that ails you because it skips all of the other work that she did with them.

Social media....oy.  I always say that you should take parenting advice with a grain of salt.  When you factor in the number of people that know absolutely nothing about you or your family on social media, it's a nightmare.  People on social media tend to hide behind their keyboards.  Half of the people that give advice on parenting sites aren't even parents and, let's face it, you don't know what parenting is like until you're a parent.  You can be a nanny, teacher, day care provider, babysitter or anything else and it doesn't equal up to experiences as a parent. 

Add in the advice you get in person, articles you read in magazines and a million other factors and it's complete over stimulation.  You're bombarded by a thousand different ideas, approaches and parenting plans.  Like just about any other kind of over stimulation, your mind eventually starts to shut down.  You start to wonder if you're doing enough, doing it right.  You start to question if you should be putting them in more activities, forcing them to learn to read earlier, or making them sit in car seats until the prom.  Frankly, studies seem to change approaches constantly (enter sleep on their tummies, no their backs, no their sides, no their backs...bumpers, no bumpers, breathable bumpers...on and on and on).  Parents are left wondering what the heck they're supposed to do NOW!?!  We constantly feel like we're running on this treadmill that keeps getting the incline increased without being given any warning.  So what's the answer?

You probably think I'm gonna tell you some no-fail approach?  Nope.  Instead, I'm going to tell you this: you already know how to do it.  People were parenting for thousands of years before and never had a book.  They listened to advice and tried to do their best.  You'll make mistakes and that's okay.  You'll have great victories and you should celebrate them like the biggest party you can.  Your kid will throw tantrums and he/she will back talk sometimes.  Just do the best that you can and stop paying so much attention to your friends' kids, your nieces and nephews or celebrity kids (frankly, my least favorite comparison).  Maybe your kid will love sports and maybe they'll hate them and love books or maybe they'll love both.  Maybe they'll love homework and maybe they'll hate it.  Maybe they'll be a loner and maybe they'll have dozens of friends.  All kids are different and all parents are different too.

So my advice is this: Keep trying and focus on just loving them.  Do the best you can to help them become productive members of society and know that every parent is dealing with struggles themselves, even if they're good at hiding them.  You're doing a good job.  Keep your chin up.