Okay infant and toddler moms, I get it. You're in the trenches. Believe me, I don't envy you. I know that it's a hand full to get virtually no sleep. I know that it's stressful to deal with toddler tantrums, picky eaters, and hearing the word "no" about a thousand times a day. I know that it's incredibly mind-numbingly frustrating sometimes to need to get things done and be unable to due to not disturbing nap time, a meltdown over giving your kid the red cup instead of the blue one, or anything else under the sun that toddlers can get upset over. I tell you all the time how great you're doing and I would not take a word of it back but today, I want to tackle a specific comment that keeps getting tossed to parents of older kids from parents of infants and toddlers. More specifically, it's the tone with which this comment is conveyed.
"Well I wish I got to (fill in the blank with activity). You're lucky YOU don't have a little one."
You're absolutely right. I AM lucky that I get to do things now that I couldn't do with an infant. I truly am. Here's the thing: I did my time. We all did. While a whole lot of you were out partying and enjoying your early 20s, I was doing the "mom of infants and toddlers" thing. No, I don't regret it. No I didn't ask for your pity then and I won't ask for it now. But while I was up all night with a newborn and three sick kids puking their guts out, I didn't turn to you and say, "Well YOU'RE so lucky you get to do what YOU want. I just never get a break." Did I get a break? Not a one. Did I regret it or even bitch about it? Nope. Why? Because it was my life and I knew that this too would pass.
I'm all for venting but there's a general rule that goes with it: Venting doesn't mean making someone else feel like crap so you can feel better. Yes, I get that you're exhausted and frustrated. I get that you're frazzled and you feel like it will never end some days. If you are, somehow, misled into thinking it gets easier as they age, it doesn't. It gets different. You trade in tantrums for homework (which is no picnic, especially with common core). Then you trade in helping with homework for teenage tantrums. If you think toddler tantrums are a hand full, just wait. The point is that all of us have our challenges with our kids and it's awfully condescending to tell a parent of a teenager that they're "lucky" because they get to sleep. Guess what? We still don't. We're up worrying about our kids driving home at night after a date or how we're going to pay for that prom dress.
So here's the best advice I can give on this: We're all in this together so let's encourage each other instead of guilting other parents for surviving the very thing you're dealing with right now. The fact is that we will console you, listen to you vent and (in some cases) help you out but surviving those years is a rite of passage and you'll make it through just like we did. Let's clink our glasses to encouraging each other.
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