Correct Anatomical Terms

I read all these studies (usually posted by what I refer to as "granola moms") talking about teaching your children correct anatomical terms for their genitals.  Supposedly it teaches them self confidence and "discourages perpetrators."  Now let me clarify something: I'm not for or against teaching them correct anatomical terms.  I am of the opinion that whether or not my son calls his penis a "penis" or a "weiner," has no effect on his self-confidence.  You know what affects his self confidence?  Talking to him every single day, encouraging him, and letting him know that he can talk to me about everything.  How, you ask, do I let him know that he can talk to me about anything?  Two simple phrases (and backing them up with actions) are involved. 1- "I can't help you resolve something if I don't know what it is." 2- "I understand.  We'll figure it out. Thank you for being honest."

"I can't help you resolve something if I don't know what it is."
We're parents.  We can tell when something is up.  It's like Spidey sense.  Maybe your kid doesn't want to talk to you about it.  This simple phrase has been repeated over and over since my kids could walk and talk.  The result?  They understand that I'm willing to help them with any problem.  Sometimes I have to grit my teeth because it's not something I'm super comfortable with.  Sometimes I have to bite my tongue because I want to tell them how to handle a situation with their friends.  Most of the time, though, it's a matter of TRULY listening to them and trying to understand what the problem is.  Then we talk about what might be happening on the other side of it and how to handle it.  My daughter, at a very young age, talked to me about a UTI and the sensation of pain when she peed and she didn't have to use the word "vagina."  As a teenager, she's very confident with who she is and knows that she can talk to me about anything.  No "correct anatomical terms" required.

"I understand.  We'll figure it out. Thank you for being honest."
That first part is the most important.  They know I understand.  I will straight tell them that I don't necessarily understand the situation but I understand what they're saying.  I understand the feelings they're trying to convey.  You see, instead of being overly concerned with "correct anatomical terms," I've concerned myself with teaching them correct emotional terms.  They know the difference between mad and frustrated, sad and depressed, and so on.  They have been taught from a very young age that no one has a right to put their hands on you PERIOD.  They aren't allowed to hug you, have you sit in their lap, or touch you in ANY way without your permission.  More importantly, they know that if anyone even attempts to do so, they have my permission to fight back and fight hard and I will back them 100 percent.  They know that no one is more important than they are and it doesn't matter if it's a friend, teacher, or anyone else, no one is allowed to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable in a physical sense.  I've focused on teaching them how to express themselves and how to protect themselves and that IF they are faced with a situation, they know how to talk to me immediately.  Period.

My final point on this matter is this: Disgusting child predators are not concerned with whether or not a child calls her private parts by it's correct name or not.  They wouldn't care if your child could name every single body part they have on a detailed diagram.  In my opinion, telling people that their child will be confident if they "just do this" is misleading.  Predators are predators because they view your children as prey.  They look for their weaknesses and move in for the kill.  If you want to instill confidence in them, talk to them and teach them every day.  Be honest and tell them that there are bad people in this world.  Be honest and tell them that sometimes it can be someone you know.  Be honest and discuss with them how to handle it if someone ever tries it.  Stop focusing on whether they call it a "vagina" or a "hoo hoo" and focus more on them knowing that no one is ever allowed to touch it.  Period.