After watching an interview on "Today" with Paula Deen, I think I've finally read, "researched" and watched enough to form an educated opinion about what I think. It actually goes with my gut instinct but I felt the need to really delve into it first as sometimes people aren't what they seem. From everything that I've read, listened to, and watched, I think Paula Deen made the type of comment that everyone makes once in a while. I don't think that anyone above the age of 18 has not made some type of stereotypical comment in their lifetime, whether it pertains to race, sexuality, gender, religion, political party, or any other "group" of people. I think that, in these situations, you should be focusing on the bigger picture of who this person is, on the whole, and NOT on one comment that she made.
The definition of racism (Merriam Webster Dictionary) is " a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race." In short, it's believing that you're better than another race. It's not defined as someone who makes a single comment. It's about someone who constantly displays this behavior. Quite frankly, I do not believe that this only extends to African American/Caucasian but to every race. There are bad apples on every apple tree and there are bad people in every race but, in my opinion, they are few and far between and you can see the rot on the apple (so to speak) from a mile away. Just because an apple has one bad spot, you don't necessarily throw away the whole apple and you certainly don't throw away the whole tree. She made a comment using a word I'm not fond of but it doesn't mean that she's some hooligan. (and YES, I would feel that way if it was any other race aiming a comment at a Caucasian person). If this word was part of her every day language and she acted superior to others, I'd be inclined to change my opinion but my research indicates that this isn't the case.
What this controversy all amounts to, in my opinion, is the media making a big deal out of something just for the sake of media coverage. I don't necessarily think that their aim is to destroy her reputation but I think that they're intentionally making a big deal out of this DESPITE what it might do to her or what the truth really is. I think that there are far more important issues in this world than whether or not ANY celebrity made a comment YEARS ago that uses an racially inappropriate word. Yes, celebrities are in the limelight but they're still people. Come on, folks. Let's get over the drama!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
You Reap What You Sow, Karma's a Bitch, Rallying the Troops, and Real Friends
I've commented on this before and, I believe, I've even blogged about it in the past but when the moment arises, I reiterate. I have come to the conclusion, in the past few years, that I just need to flush my friends and support system for "crap" every once in awhile. It's kind of like cleaning out your septic system or your fireplace for the greater good. If you do the maintenance, it's not as likely to suffer BIG consequences in the long run. This post is going to cover ALOT of topics at once. Here goes....
What sparked part of this post was being un-friended (so to speak). Someone I considered to be a close friend for a couple of years now recently started a new pyramid scheme and wanted me to get involved. Knowing the history of the company and having known many people who've gotten involved, I knew it was just not for me. She contacted me 2 days before my surgery and then 10 days after to ask me to get involved. I ignored the contact regarding it and she basically has cut ties with me. My viewpoint? Well it sucks to find out someone wasn't your true friend to begin with BUT she obviously isn't worth my time if she's going to act that way. Like I said, sometimes you have to flush the septic system to get out the turds.
My other major spark is watching some of my loved ones go through their own crap. I have a feeling it's going to flush out their septic system of friends as well and I'm going to hate seeing them mourn the loss of their friends BUT in the long run, I know it will be healthier for all parties involved. For those that are inexperienced in this process, it's not much fun but when you do it regularly, you come to look forward to clearing the crap out of your life.
With all of that being said, I touch on a topic I'm quite passionate about....drama. This is where the rest of the post's title comes into play. Some people are born dramatic, some become that way through circumstance and some seem to absorb it through osmosis. I have a few opinions about this particular topic and I'm going to touch on a few of them now....
1. If someone says, "I'm usually not dramatic but...", it's a sure sign that they are. You either ARE dramatic or you're not. You're not going to act outside of your normal personality in a super-dramatic situation and magically BECOME dramatic because of the circumstances.
2. If you're a trouble maker or an instigator, you're the least likely person to take ownership for your actions. If it's embedded in your personality to be one of these things, it doesn't make you a bad person. It takes all kinds to make the world go round, you know? On the other hand, I can tell an instigator from a mile away by overly involved eye contact (almost creepy because it's so intense), inability to NOT discuss other people's lives, and never taking the blame for their own actions. There's no apologies from them and they can turn any situation on its head.
3. If you feel the need to rally the troops and get everyone on your side, it's a sure sign that you know you're wrong. If you felt confident in your stance, you wouldn't need an army to defend you. You wouldn't need to involve ANYONE else because it's not about them. If someone rallies the troops, spreads everyone else's dirty laundry and gets people to form an opinion of you based on rumors that they're displaying as fact, they're the one in the wrong...period.
4. People that are the most unforgiving are usually the most dramatic. Let me preface any further detail on this by saying that there is a difference between forgiving and moving on (with or without the person's involvement in your life) and not forgiving. I'm not saying that you have to forgive and continue to let someone take advantage of you. With that being said, the people that say things like, "I'll never forgive you" or "I'll never get over it" are usually the ones that are the most dramatic. Again, this isn't a matter of being bad...it's just a personality quirk I'm careful to watch out for.
5. If you've ever used any phrase similar to, "Well nobody's ever going to trust/like/talk to/be friends with you again after all of this", you're dramatic. This kind of goes back to number three. If you're using this phrase, you're obviously involving other people in your drama which means you're rallying the troops against someone else. Accept it, you're dramatic.
6. If you're spending all of your time focusing your attention on every little detail of your argument/debate for months after it happened, you're being dramatic. If you can't even focus your attention on your own life, you're way too close to the situation and you're being dramatic. Understandably, it can take over your life for a little while because you're dealing with the emotions but if you're still focusing your attention on it constantly months after it happened, you're being dramatic.
7. If you use your situation as a catapult to find ways to destroy someone's reputation or life, you're dramatic (and, may I add, an a**hole). Again, this sort of goes back to number three. If you are intentionally whispering in the corners and trying to make someone's life miserable, you're being dramatic. I think that everyone THINKS these vengeful thoughts once in awhile (especially in the heat of the moment) but to actually ACT on them is dramatic.
8. If you pick someone apart constantly over every little thing they do, you're being dramatic. Obviously and clearly this says more about YOU than about THEM. You're acting self-conscious and overly dramatic if their walking into a room draws criticism from you.
9. If you feel the need to storm out of the room, slam a door, or break something in ever argument, you're dramatic. Feeling the need to act with flourish on a comment (even in anger) to make your point is a dramatic act. Doing it once in awhile is, in my opinion, a heat of the moment issue. Doing it in every argument with someone is dramatic.
10. If you constantly make the situational molehill into a mountain, you're dramatic. Yes, everyone's experience of a situation is different and personal but if you're taking your hangnail and making it into a surgical scar, you're being dramatic. Sometimes a situation is just not that big of a deal and doing this occasionally is acceptable. If you're doing it on a daily/weekly basis, it's dramatic.
In closing, I'd like to say that I also feel like "karma" is an important factor in all of this. A friend of mine reiterated to me what I say frequently amongst friends: "If they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you." It's definitely true in every circumstance. It's an important part of reaping what you sow. You get what you give....and you get the awful stuff you do to others back in spades. Would I like to be the driver of the karma bus the day that some of these people get their godsmack? Yes! Am I still going to feel bad for them when they have to deal with adversity? Yes. That's what separates the buttholes from the people living their lives, compassion and ability to realize that you're not the center of the universe. Karma will come back to get every single person at some point in time. It's your choice whether it's good or bad.
What sparked part of this post was being un-friended (so to speak). Someone I considered to be a close friend for a couple of years now recently started a new pyramid scheme and wanted me to get involved. Knowing the history of the company and having known many people who've gotten involved, I knew it was just not for me. She contacted me 2 days before my surgery and then 10 days after to ask me to get involved. I ignored the contact regarding it and she basically has cut ties with me. My viewpoint? Well it sucks to find out someone wasn't your true friend to begin with BUT she obviously isn't worth my time if she's going to act that way. Like I said, sometimes you have to flush the septic system to get out the turds.
My other major spark is watching some of my loved ones go through their own crap. I have a feeling it's going to flush out their septic system of friends as well and I'm going to hate seeing them mourn the loss of their friends BUT in the long run, I know it will be healthier for all parties involved. For those that are inexperienced in this process, it's not much fun but when you do it regularly, you come to look forward to clearing the crap out of your life.
With all of that being said, I touch on a topic I'm quite passionate about....drama. This is where the rest of the post's title comes into play. Some people are born dramatic, some become that way through circumstance and some seem to absorb it through osmosis. I have a few opinions about this particular topic and I'm going to touch on a few of them now....
1. If someone says, "I'm usually not dramatic but...", it's a sure sign that they are. You either ARE dramatic or you're not. You're not going to act outside of your normal personality in a super-dramatic situation and magically BECOME dramatic because of the circumstances.
2. If you're a trouble maker or an instigator, you're the least likely person to take ownership for your actions. If it's embedded in your personality to be one of these things, it doesn't make you a bad person. It takes all kinds to make the world go round, you know? On the other hand, I can tell an instigator from a mile away by overly involved eye contact (almost creepy because it's so intense), inability to NOT discuss other people's lives, and never taking the blame for their own actions. There's no apologies from them and they can turn any situation on its head.
3. If you feel the need to rally the troops and get everyone on your side, it's a sure sign that you know you're wrong. If you felt confident in your stance, you wouldn't need an army to defend you. You wouldn't need to involve ANYONE else because it's not about them. If someone rallies the troops, spreads everyone else's dirty laundry and gets people to form an opinion of you based on rumors that they're displaying as fact, they're the one in the wrong...period.
4. People that are the most unforgiving are usually the most dramatic. Let me preface any further detail on this by saying that there is a difference between forgiving and moving on (with or without the person's involvement in your life) and not forgiving. I'm not saying that you have to forgive and continue to let someone take advantage of you. With that being said, the people that say things like, "I'll never forgive you" or "I'll never get over it" are usually the ones that are the most dramatic. Again, this isn't a matter of being bad...it's just a personality quirk I'm careful to watch out for.
5. If you've ever used any phrase similar to, "Well nobody's ever going to trust/like/talk to/be friends with you again after all of this", you're dramatic. This kind of goes back to number three. If you're using this phrase, you're obviously involving other people in your drama which means you're rallying the troops against someone else. Accept it, you're dramatic.
6. If you're spending all of your time focusing your attention on every little detail of your argument/debate for months after it happened, you're being dramatic. If you can't even focus your attention on your own life, you're way too close to the situation and you're being dramatic. Understandably, it can take over your life for a little while because you're dealing with the emotions but if you're still focusing your attention on it constantly months after it happened, you're being dramatic.
7. If you use your situation as a catapult to find ways to destroy someone's reputation or life, you're dramatic (and, may I add, an a**hole). Again, this sort of goes back to number three. If you are intentionally whispering in the corners and trying to make someone's life miserable, you're being dramatic. I think that everyone THINKS these vengeful thoughts once in awhile (especially in the heat of the moment) but to actually ACT on them is dramatic.
8. If you pick someone apart constantly over every little thing they do, you're being dramatic. Obviously and clearly this says more about YOU than about THEM. You're acting self-conscious and overly dramatic if their walking into a room draws criticism from you.
9. If you feel the need to storm out of the room, slam a door, or break something in ever argument, you're dramatic. Feeling the need to act with flourish on a comment (even in anger) to make your point is a dramatic act. Doing it once in awhile is, in my opinion, a heat of the moment issue. Doing it in every argument with someone is dramatic.
10. If you constantly make the situational molehill into a mountain, you're dramatic. Yes, everyone's experience of a situation is different and personal but if you're taking your hangnail and making it into a surgical scar, you're being dramatic. Sometimes a situation is just not that big of a deal and doing this occasionally is acceptable. If you're doing it on a daily/weekly basis, it's dramatic.
In closing, I'd like to say that I also feel like "karma" is an important factor in all of this. A friend of mine reiterated to me what I say frequently amongst friends: "If they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you." It's definitely true in every circumstance. It's an important part of reaping what you sow. You get what you give....and you get the awful stuff you do to others back in spades. Would I like to be the driver of the karma bus the day that some of these people get their godsmack? Yes! Am I still going to feel bad for them when they have to deal with adversity? Yes. That's what separates the buttholes from the people living their lives, compassion and ability to realize that you're not the center of the universe. Karma will come back to get every single person at some point in time. It's your choice whether it's good or bad.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Let Me Sound Off: Teen Mom Edition
I'd like to sound off on a somewhat normal issue in the world anymore and I will probably be ostracized heavily for it. Here goes.....
I saw an article about how a certain "teen mom" (who shall remain unnamed) is posing topless to show of her new boobs that she just had done. I finally just reached my limit on hearing these kinds of stories for the day (call it ghost PMS for the uterus I no longer have). Listen, I have NO issue with certain things but I definitely have an opinion on the recent "teen mom" epidemic that's being so glorified....
1. Accidental pregnancies happen; BELIEVE me, I know. Even in the age of birth control, there are the occasional accidental pregnancies. THESE I have no problem with. I support women having the right to choose and think that giving a baby up for adoption when you know you can't take care of him/her is one of the most noble things someone can do. What I think is ridiculous are the girls that are going completely unprotected sexually or even TRYING to get pregnant. Let me be real here: there is far too much information passed out in schools and in the media for someone to use the excuse that they didn't have information on how to protect themselves from STD's and pregnancies. Yes, it is the responsibility of the parent, but even if the parent fails to give the information, the teenagers still have the available information through other sources. Intentionally getting pregnant as a teenager is a ridiculous choice that is being glorified by shows on MTV and other stations.
2. I give a lot of credit to the parents of teenage mothers that help but REFUSE to let the moms get off scott-free. I've watched a few episodes of these shows and I see some of these girls complain about never having time to themselves or needing a break. Welcome to motherhood sweetheart! I have friends who had babies very young and their parents helped them out but they did NOT let them go out all of the time instead of caring for their babies. They made them take responsibility as a parent. Now, as adults, they are amazing parents because of the experience. They, like any new parent, got to experience the ups and downs of how hard raising a baby is.
3. I am appalled that any teenage mother from one of these shows (which they CLAIM is an education-style show to show girls how difficult young motherhood is) would say on the show how difficult it is and then turn around and use her earnings to make a public boob of herself (no pun intended). If you are truly dedicated to the purpose of trying to help young girls NOT get pregnant, why in the WORLD would you choose to continue your life in the public eye getting boob jobs and posing nude? You'd do it because you're an entitled brat who used her situation as a reason for her to get attention. Raise your child and get an education and stop flaunting your new boobs (which could have been a contribution to your child's education or to fund the shrink that she'll no doubt need after you finish raising her because your focus is NOT on her). I hate to be judgmental but sheesh!
4. Entitled bratty moms like this are bringing a bad name to teenage parents who DID have an accidental pregnancy and who DO step up to the plate. There are a lot of teenage parents doing the right thing (whatever choice they make) and not making a public spectacle of themselves in the process. They're choosing to use their situation not as an attention-getting technique or as a stepping stone to pornographic fame but as a stepping stone to helping other girls NOT get into their situations and, also, to make something of themselves.
5. Entitled bratty moms like this are also why there are shows on the TV like the ones I've seen on Lifetime about snooty, hoity toity moms who won't attend a birthday party for a friend's child unless there's liquor served. Being a parent is NOT about you getting to do whatever you want whenever you want. It's about having to make sacrifices and realizing that your children are now the center of your world.
6. I feel sorry for the kids involved. I'm not talking about the kids of teenage parents that make choices to take care of their children in a positive, healthy manner. I'm talking about parents like this girl that make choices that will actively affect that child for the rest of her life. All I could think when I saw this article (and the one not long before talking about the porn that she just did) is, "Wow, your daughter must be SO proud of you." What an important lesson to teach your child....sell your body, make your body into a cutting board so it can be "perfect" and then posing in pictures that will be available online FOREVER so your child can have to be ostracized for it down the line. That poor little girl is going to have to deal with the repercussions of a whole lot of her mom's choices and Mommy Dearest just keeps adding more and more stones to the pile.
If I sound judgmental, it's not intended to. I just hate to see a whole group of people being given a bad name by a few bad apples. So kudos to the teenage moms who take care of their kids and raise them right and may God touch the minds and hearts of the girls like this one that drag their children around with their bad choices.
I saw an article about how a certain "teen mom" (who shall remain unnamed) is posing topless to show of her new boobs that she just had done. I finally just reached my limit on hearing these kinds of stories for the day (call it ghost PMS for the uterus I no longer have). Listen, I have NO issue with certain things but I definitely have an opinion on the recent "teen mom" epidemic that's being so glorified....
1. Accidental pregnancies happen; BELIEVE me, I know. Even in the age of birth control, there are the occasional accidental pregnancies. THESE I have no problem with. I support women having the right to choose and think that giving a baby up for adoption when you know you can't take care of him/her is one of the most noble things someone can do. What I think is ridiculous are the girls that are going completely unprotected sexually or even TRYING to get pregnant. Let me be real here: there is far too much information passed out in schools and in the media for someone to use the excuse that they didn't have information on how to protect themselves from STD's and pregnancies. Yes, it is the responsibility of the parent, but even if the parent fails to give the information, the teenagers still have the available information through other sources. Intentionally getting pregnant as a teenager is a ridiculous choice that is being glorified by shows on MTV and other stations.
2. I give a lot of credit to the parents of teenage mothers that help but REFUSE to let the moms get off scott-free. I've watched a few episodes of these shows and I see some of these girls complain about never having time to themselves or needing a break. Welcome to motherhood sweetheart! I have friends who had babies very young and their parents helped them out but they did NOT let them go out all of the time instead of caring for their babies. They made them take responsibility as a parent. Now, as adults, they are amazing parents because of the experience. They, like any new parent, got to experience the ups and downs of how hard raising a baby is.
3. I am appalled that any teenage mother from one of these shows (which they CLAIM is an education-style show to show girls how difficult young motherhood is) would say on the show how difficult it is and then turn around and use her earnings to make a public boob of herself (no pun intended). If you are truly dedicated to the purpose of trying to help young girls NOT get pregnant, why in the WORLD would you choose to continue your life in the public eye getting boob jobs and posing nude? You'd do it because you're an entitled brat who used her situation as a reason for her to get attention. Raise your child and get an education and stop flaunting your new boobs (which could have been a contribution to your child's education or to fund the shrink that she'll no doubt need after you finish raising her because your focus is NOT on her). I hate to be judgmental but sheesh!
4. Entitled bratty moms like this are bringing a bad name to teenage parents who DID have an accidental pregnancy and who DO step up to the plate. There are a lot of teenage parents doing the right thing (whatever choice they make) and not making a public spectacle of themselves in the process. They're choosing to use their situation not as an attention-getting technique or as a stepping stone to pornographic fame but as a stepping stone to helping other girls NOT get into their situations and, also, to make something of themselves.
5. Entitled bratty moms like this are also why there are shows on the TV like the ones I've seen on Lifetime about snooty, hoity toity moms who won't attend a birthday party for a friend's child unless there's liquor served. Being a parent is NOT about you getting to do whatever you want whenever you want. It's about having to make sacrifices and realizing that your children are now the center of your world.
6. I feel sorry for the kids involved. I'm not talking about the kids of teenage parents that make choices to take care of their children in a positive, healthy manner. I'm talking about parents like this girl that make choices that will actively affect that child for the rest of her life. All I could think when I saw this article (and the one not long before talking about the porn that she just did) is, "Wow, your daughter must be SO proud of you." What an important lesson to teach your child....sell your body, make your body into a cutting board so it can be "perfect" and then posing in pictures that will be available online FOREVER so your child can have to be ostracized for it down the line. That poor little girl is going to have to deal with the repercussions of a whole lot of her mom's choices and Mommy Dearest just keeps adding more and more stones to the pile.
If I sound judgmental, it's not intended to. I just hate to see a whole group of people being given a bad name by a few bad apples. So kudos to the teenage moms who take care of their kids and raise them right and may God touch the minds and hearts of the girls like this one that drag their children around with their bad choices.
Friends
With this going on, I began to think hard about how much I appreciate my friends and how I'd feel if one of them wasn't here. I began to realize that I just haven't made enough time to be the absolute best friend I could be lately. I have had so much going on in my own life that I'm having a hard time making sure that I call, email, etc. Then I remembered something more important....while it's important to be the best friend that you can be, your real friends are your real friends even if you don't talk to them every day or if you live hundreds of miles away. I am so grateful for my friends and for all that they are in my life.
Lesson for today? Don't take the people in your life for granted.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Bucket List Item 1: I Want to Take My Kids to Disney World
I thought it'd be fun to share some of the items on my Bucket List (though not all of them, since some of them are more private). Here is a short list....
1. I want to take my kids to Disney World while they're still young enough to experience the magic. The catch? I was taken to Orlando annually as a kid and it lost some of its magic because I saw it all the time. I want to take them to Orlando and do an entire Orlando vacation with all of the Disney Parks, Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure, Sea World, and everything else. Then I want to be done with the Walt Disney World thing until I have grandchildren. I'd still love to explore the other Disney parks, destinations, and other places but I do want to take them once while they're young enough to still fully appreciate the magic.
2. I want to explore every single state in the United States. I don't just want to drive through them but to actively stop, look at historic sites, find goofy roadside attractions, and find out what makes each state special. In short, I want a United States passport (for lack of better term).
3. I want to go to Australia...because it just seems like a cool place. I, especially, want to go to the Australia Zoo.
4. I want to go to Europe and explore several different countries and take ALOT of pictures.
5. I want to know the feeling of being completely debt-free with savings and money to give. I want to know the feeling of owning my house, vehicles and having not a single debt to my name.
6. I want to change somebody's life financially. I want to give someone an amazing gift like buying them a home or a vehicle that will benefit them to make their life better. And then I want to do it over and over again.
7. I want to take the issues that have hung over my head and have them completely gone. I want to know that I'm free of the burdens forever and they can't ever knock at my doorstep again.
8. I want to dress up in formal wear and go to a fancy business function of some type. I want to get all gussied up and be part of an important function that requires me to speak actively to a lot of people.
9. I want to be part of a Zombie Crawl. That may sound crazy but I think it sounds like a blast!
10. I want to complete as many mini marathons as I can. I want to do run/walks as often as I can, not only for the exercise but to feel that sense of accomplishment.
11. I want to hike all of the 14ers in the state of Colorado. I've only completed one and it was exhausting. I want to do them all....not in one day of course
12. I want to be a travel photographer. It'll probably only ever be for leisure but I want to capture the beautiful sites in this great big world.
13. I want to travel to every single sports arena I can (in the United States) and watch a game there.
1. I want to take my kids to Disney World while they're still young enough to experience the magic. The catch? I was taken to Orlando annually as a kid and it lost some of its magic because I saw it all the time. I want to take them to Orlando and do an entire Orlando vacation with all of the Disney Parks, Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure, Sea World, and everything else. Then I want to be done with the Walt Disney World thing until I have grandchildren. I'd still love to explore the other Disney parks, destinations, and other places but I do want to take them once while they're young enough to still fully appreciate the magic.
2. I want to explore every single state in the United States. I don't just want to drive through them but to actively stop, look at historic sites, find goofy roadside attractions, and find out what makes each state special. In short, I want a United States passport (for lack of better term).
3. I want to go to Australia...because it just seems like a cool place. I, especially, want to go to the Australia Zoo.
4. I want to go to Europe and explore several different countries and take ALOT of pictures.
5. I want to know the feeling of being completely debt-free with savings and money to give. I want to know the feeling of owning my house, vehicles and having not a single debt to my name.
6. I want to change somebody's life financially. I want to give someone an amazing gift like buying them a home or a vehicle that will benefit them to make their life better. And then I want to do it over and over again.
7. I want to take the issues that have hung over my head and have them completely gone. I want to know that I'm free of the burdens forever and they can't ever knock at my doorstep again.
8. I want to dress up in formal wear and go to a fancy business function of some type. I want to get all gussied up and be part of an important function that requires me to speak actively to a lot of people.
9. I want to be part of a Zombie Crawl. That may sound crazy but I think it sounds like a blast!
10. I want to complete as many mini marathons as I can. I want to do run/walks as often as I can, not only for the exercise but to feel that sense of accomplishment.
11. I want to hike all of the 14ers in the state of Colorado. I've only completed one and it was exhausting. I want to do them all....not in one day of course
12. I want to be a travel photographer. It'll probably only ever be for leisure but I want to capture the beautiful sites in this great big world.
13. I want to travel to every single sports arena I can (in the United States) and watch a game there.
You've Been Warned
Don't we all just occasionally have a stubborn streak a mile wide? I know I do. I can remember my grandma saying to me, "You've been warned" and always feeling smugly, "Haha, I'll show HER!" Inevitably, I was always wrong and had to walk back with my head hung in shame. She never once said, "I told you so" or laughed at me. She simply looked at me knowingly, cuddled me and told me that she loved me. Maybe that's just a grandma thing though.
I still find myself pushing the limits occasionally. Most of the time, I'm a strict rule follower. I don't like to break the rules, go against what the law says or push the limits in a negative way. There are occasions, however, where I feel like I might change things by pushing the limits. I somehow fool myself into thinking that if I just nudge the rules a little, they'll bend. Sometimes it's for the greater good and sometimes it's for my own selfish need. Either way, it almost never works out.
The good news is that I find myself on the opposite side of this as well. I find myself imitating my grandmother and saying, "You've been warned." On the flipside, when the person I love suffers a loss, pain, or other hurt from their actions, I don't say, "I told you so." Instead, I find myself doing as my grandma did. I hug them and help them through their heartache. I guess that means I'm becoming a grown up.
I still find myself pushing the limits occasionally. Most of the time, I'm a strict rule follower. I don't like to break the rules, go against what the law says or push the limits in a negative way. There are occasions, however, where I feel like I might change things by pushing the limits. I somehow fool myself into thinking that if I just nudge the rules a little, they'll bend. Sometimes it's for the greater good and sometimes it's for my own selfish need. Either way, it almost never works out.
The good news is that I find myself on the opposite side of this as well. I find myself imitating my grandmother and saying, "You've been warned." On the flipside, when the person I love suffers a loss, pain, or other hurt from their actions, I don't say, "I told you so." Instead, I find myself doing as my grandma did. I hug them and help them through their heartache. I guess that means I'm becoming a grown up.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Digging a Deeper Hole
I love to brag on my kids and, quite frankly, I think they are some of the most well behaved children on the planet. With that being said, kids are kids and even mine screw up and do things they shouldn't do occasionally. I'm very fortunate that it's not all that often but it happens.
My oldest got busted in a lie last night...not a crazy criminal type lie, just a lie that I didn't like. She not only went down but tried to bring siblings that had nothing to do with it down with her. It was a lie to protect her ass for something she'd done (which she probably wouldn't have even gotten into much trouble for until this went down). I was pretty ticked off at her and her reaction made it worse. She gave me a look like she couldn't have given two licks what I thought about the situation and wasn't listening to me to begin with. It's a familiar look to me not because of my kids but because I have siblings.
This is where I get into the topic of debate...digging a deeper hole. I have the perspective that if I'm in trouble, I need to fly under the radar, stay out of the way and be a fly on the wall. If I just put my nose to the grindstone and do what I'm supposed to do, my punishment will be over and I can move on with my life. She doesn't seem to understand this concept. She just keeps doing things to further aggravate me. I don't know why she feels the need to do it but it's a sick cycle...she gets into trouble, she gets mad at me and ends up making it worse. It's like she feels like if she pushes me hard enough, I'll buckle and just let her go free. It never works...ever.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I can't understand why someone would continually dig a deeper hole just to get into bigger trouble over and over again. It's...well, it's INSANITY to me.
My oldest got busted in a lie last night...not a crazy criminal type lie, just a lie that I didn't like. She not only went down but tried to bring siblings that had nothing to do with it down with her. It was a lie to protect her ass for something she'd done (which she probably wouldn't have even gotten into much trouble for until this went down). I was pretty ticked off at her and her reaction made it worse. She gave me a look like she couldn't have given two licks what I thought about the situation and wasn't listening to me to begin with. It's a familiar look to me not because of my kids but because I have siblings.
This is where I get into the topic of debate...digging a deeper hole. I have the perspective that if I'm in trouble, I need to fly under the radar, stay out of the way and be a fly on the wall. If I just put my nose to the grindstone and do what I'm supposed to do, my punishment will be over and I can move on with my life. She doesn't seem to understand this concept. She just keeps doing things to further aggravate me. I don't know why she feels the need to do it but it's a sick cycle...she gets into trouble, she gets mad at me and ends up making it worse. It's like she feels like if she pushes me hard enough, I'll buckle and just let her go free. It never works...ever.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I can't understand why someone would continually dig a deeper hole just to get into bigger trouble over and over again. It's...well, it's INSANITY to me.
Devil's Tower
(Copied from the National Parks website; link listed at the bottom of this blog)
Before the Kiowa came south they were camped on a stream in the far north where there were a great many bears, many of them. One day, seven little girls were playing at a distance from the village and were chased by some bears. The girls ran toward the village and the bears were just about to catch them when the girls jumped on a low rock, about three feet high. One of the girls prayed to the rock, "Rock take pity on us, rock save us!" The rock heard them and began to grow upwards, pushing the girls higher and higher. When the bears jumped to reach the girls, they scratched the rock, broke their claws, and fell on the ground.
The rock rose higher and higher, the bears still jumped at the girls until they were pushed up into the sky, where they now are, seven little stars in a group (The Pleiades). In the winter, in the middle of the night, the seven stars are right over this high rock. When the people came to look, they found the bears' claws, turned to stone, all around the base.No Kiowa living has ever seen this rock, but the old men have told about it - it is very far north where the Kiowa used to live. It is a single rock with scratched sides, the marks of the bears' claws are there yet, rising straight up, very high. There is no other like it in the whole country, there are no trees on it, only grass on top. The Kiowa call this rock "Tso-aa", a tree rock, possibly because it grew tall like a tree.
Told by I-See-Many-Camp-Fire-Places, Kiowa soldier at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, 1897.
Above is the Kiowa legend associated with Devil's Tower, which happens to be my favorite. I think there's something to be said for knowing the legends associated with the sites I see, not only for historic purposes but also for the sake of hearing a very interesting story.
Here's my opinion of the area:
*I'd never been to Wyoming so I can honestly say that driving through it was a unique experience. It's a very wide open space, very windy and very farm-ish.
*Though this isn't "technically" regarding the area, crossing over into Wyoming from Colorado was a very down-home experience. I grew up in Illinois...small crazy farm towns a go-go (and I loved it). I will honestly say with a smile that the farm smell when crossing the border reminded me of home and was fantastic.
*The site itself was incredible. We actually saw the sun rise near it and it was beautiful. The kids had a great time playing in the tall grass, climbing and carrying on.
*The Devil's Tower KOA campground is run by a hag of a woman (in my humble opinion). I stopped in and waited until AFTER they were supposed to open to get drinks for us and finally let the kids go run on the playground nearby. She stomped out, told me we were trespassing and threatened to call the police. I apologized and started explaining that I didn't realize they were trespassing and began loading up the kids. She then made it a point to talk to my boyfriend and tell HIM that she was calling the police AS HE WAS LEAVING! Incredibly rude.
*I want to go back. I want to go and explore more, maybe even do more climbing (since my hiking ability is limited right now because of physical post-surgery junk).
I fully recommend Devil's Tower: two thumbs up!!
The Holy Crap Factor
I'm sure there's some psychological name for the moment when you think everything's getting better and you get hit like a freight train but I refer to it as the Holy Crap Factor. It's that moment when you get the knot in your belly and you realize you're facing a mountain bigger than what you wanted or thought was going to happen. I've learned over and over in my life that you can't control what happens to you 24/7. What you CAN control is how you react to it.
I recently got hit with my own personal freight train and had my Holy Crap Factor. Call it God's peace (which is what I call it) or call it life experience (which I doubt) but my mind immediately went into power mode. It went from "OH SH**!" to "Here's what we need to do!" I was able to organize it and power through the situation without a second thought. I even was able to make the best of it.
I guess this is why I wasn't hit that hard with the Holy Crap Factor:
1. I believe that there is a great purpose and that God makes everything a part of His plan. What seems like chaos right now WILL work itself out in the long run.
2. I believe that me sitting around getting angry about it won't resolve it. It's not that I'm ignoring the problem; instead I'm choosing to focus on the positive and do what I can do to work towards a common good.
3. If I'm gonna be in Sh** Creek, I may as well take a swim.
4. I believe in Karma. I believe that people that do crappy things are going to get it back times 10. I also believe that people that defy the odds are rewarded in the long run. The Bible calls it "reaping what you sow".
No matter what, I believe that the Holy Crap Factor is only around for as long as you allow it. God is good all the time and will reward you for your faithful attitude when stuff happens.
I recently got hit with my own personal freight train and had my Holy Crap Factor. Call it God's peace (which is what I call it) or call it life experience (which I doubt) but my mind immediately went into power mode. It went from "OH SH**!" to "Here's what we need to do!" I was able to organize it and power through the situation without a second thought. I even was able to make the best of it.
I guess this is why I wasn't hit that hard with the Holy Crap Factor:
1. I believe that there is a great purpose and that God makes everything a part of His plan. What seems like chaos right now WILL work itself out in the long run.
2. I believe that me sitting around getting angry about it won't resolve it. It's not that I'm ignoring the problem; instead I'm choosing to focus on the positive and do what I can do to work towards a common good.
3. If I'm gonna be in Sh** Creek, I may as well take a swim.
4. I believe in Karma. I believe that people that do crappy things are going to get it back times 10. I also believe that people that defy the odds are rewarded in the long run. The Bible calls it "reaping what you sow".
No matter what, I believe that the Holy Crap Factor is only around for as long as you allow it. God is good all the time and will reward you for your faithful attitude when stuff happens.
Back on My Feet
After four weeks of post-surgery waiting, I'm finally getting back on my feet.....again. I was released back to work and hoping to see how it goes next week starting back on half days for a couple of weeks. My energy level is coming back and I'm able to get up and do a lot more.
I'm also working my butt off planning upcoming events for my freelance business. Wish me luck!
I'm also working my butt off planning upcoming events for my freelance business. Wish me luck!
The Tebow Experience
I have a confession to make...I'm a Tim Tebow fanatic. Call it "buying into Tebow-mania" or whatever you may. I'm a fanatic for that man: as a person, as a player, and in every other way. In light of the recent news of Tebow practicing with the Patriots, I've been asked over and over what I think so here goes....
I think Tebow is one of those players that makes the line between love and hate very clear. There's not a lot of grey area. Either people are Tebow-bashing haters or they love him. Both sides are equally as passionate about their views and both sides are equally as vocal about it, as well. I happened to be in downtown Denver the day that Tebow got traded to the Jets and, let me tell you, there was a very definite anger at Broncos management in a lot of people talking about loyalty and how much he'd done for the Broncos. I think that Tebow got the shaft in New York. They brought him in knowing his style and what he had the ability to bring to the team and didn't bother attempting to use it. Instead they kept putting Sanchez in, regardless of how much the team was sucking.
With that being said, I have very mixed feelings about his possible signing with the Patriots. IF they actually allow him the ability to perfect his strong points, work on his weak points, and learn in general, he's going to be incredible. His work ethic is second to none and he has a heart like no other player I've ever seen. He has the ability to pull a team together just based on his energy alone. Let him develop his skills further and he's gonna break out and be amazing! IF they are bringing him in just to shaft him like they did in New York, I'm NOT happy. I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, expecting him to be a starting quarterback for the Patriots because it's just not his time. If he DOES get to train and work on his game, he'd make an INCREDIBLE back up and, maybe down the line, a starting quarterback.
So what do I think about it? I'll let you know in about six months when I see how things go.
I think Tebow is one of those players that makes the line between love and hate very clear. There's not a lot of grey area. Either people are Tebow-bashing haters or they love him. Both sides are equally as passionate about their views and both sides are equally as vocal about it, as well. I happened to be in downtown Denver the day that Tebow got traded to the Jets and, let me tell you, there was a very definite anger at Broncos management in a lot of people talking about loyalty and how much he'd done for the Broncos. I think that Tebow got the shaft in New York. They brought him in knowing his style and what he had the ability to bring to the team and didn't bother attempting to use it. Instead they kept putting Sanchez in, regardless of how much the team was sucking.
With that being said, I have very mixed feelings about his possible signing with the Patriots. IF they actually allow him the ability to perfect his strong points, work on his weak points, and learn in general, he's going to be incredible. His work ethic is second to none and he has a heart like no other player I've ever seen. He has the ability to pull a team together just based on his energy alone. Let him develop his skills further and he's gonna break out and be amazing! IF they are bringing him in just to shaft him like they did in New York, I'm NOT happy. I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, expecting him to be a starting quarterback for the Patriots because it's just not his time. If he DOES get to train and work on his game, he'd make an INCREDIBLE back up and, maybe down the line, a starting quarterback.
So what do I think about it? I'll let you know in about six months when I see how things go.
Monday, June 17, 2013
A Million Pictures
One of my crazies asked me if I was going to hang up a million pictures in the house. My answer was that the ONLY reason I'd want a huge mansion is so that I could have more space to hang up pictures in it. Admittedly, some of that is that I'm a photographer and I can't help myself...I have more pictures than I'll probably ever realistically need for any major purpose. With that being said, I'm also just a picture lover. I love having pictures hanging around my house that show all different aspects of my life. Like everything else in my life, I have an opinion on it.....
1. I love "posed" traditional photographs. It doesn't have to be studio photography (in fact, I'm not a huge fan of the look of studio photography for big pictures in my life). These are generally my 8X10s of the kids that get replaced close to their birthdays. It's generally a full body shot that shows off how much they've grown, what kinds of clothes they like, etc. It's become a bit of a tradition that they get a little more dressed up for the shots and they often end up with a more reserved (though still natural...because I'll WAIT all day for a natural smile) smile.
2. I love candid shots. Aside from the traditional posed shots, I always do a full shoot for the kids around their birthday that lets them get their personality out. We change clothes into something less formal and just have fun. I love the shots with tongues stuck out, pouty faces, or shots where I just said their name and they looked up and smiled without knowing I was taking a picture.
3. I love action shots. Currently, on my wall, I have shots of my kids shooting airsoft guns, jumping rocks while hiking, blowing bubbles, throwing a football, and playing in the hose. I love shots of kids just being kids. It produces the most natural smiles (or, in some cases, tongues stuck out in concentration) and shows them in their element.
4. I love affection shots. I have one particular shot of the crazies from several years ago where they all sat in front of each other and have a big hug. They're smiling such natural, happy smiles and you can truly tell that they love each other. This extends to all different combinations of family members or friends. I love shots that truly show the affection that the people feel for each other.
5. I like to have lots of shots of family and friends around. I have an entire wall of nieces and nephews. I replace the shots regularly but they're ALWAYS nieces and nephews. I also have shots of grandparents, friends, and neighbors around. I love shots of family and friends around the house to remind all of us how loved we truly are (and all of the people we love, as well).
6. I love shots from excursions we've had. Whether it's hiking in the mountains, going to a ball game, or celebrating a special event, I love having pictures around to remember fun times. Not only is it a great way to commemorate a special event, but it's also a reminder on those rough days exactly how much fun we have together.
7. I love achievement shots. I have shots of every single one of the kids getting awards at their school for honor roll, good behavior, and more. I have shots of kindergarten graduation but also shots of my oldest daughter's Continuation. I also have shots of major achievements for the adults in the house...my favorite for me, personally, is my shot of me with Vince Jackson after shooting his fundraiser a couple of months ago.
Regardless of what people's opinions are on hanging pictures, I love having as many pictures as I can around the house. I give photo gifts at nearly every holiday. I love receiving photo gifts. I think that pictures are an integral part of making a house a home.
1. I love "posed" traditional photographs. It doesn't have to be studio photography (in fact, I'm not a huge fan of the look of studio photography for big pictures in my life). These are generally my 8X10s of the kids that get replaced close to their birthdays. It's generally a full body shot that shows off how much they've grown, what kinds of clothes they like, etc. It's become a bit of a tradition that they get a little more dressed up for the shots and they often end up with a more reserved (though still natural...because I'll WAIT all day for a natural smile) smile.
2. I love candid shots. Aside from the traditional posed shots, I always do a full shoot for the kids around their birthday that lets them get their personality out. We change clothes into something less formal and just have fun. I love the shots with tongues stuck out, pouty faces, or shots where I just said their name and they looked up and smiled without knowing I was taking a picture.
3. I love action shots. Currently, on my wall, I have shots of my kids shooting airsoft guns, jumping rocks while hiking, blowing bubbles, throwing a football, and playing in the hose. I love shots of kids just being kids. It produces the most natural smiles (or, in some cases, tongues stuck out in concentration) and shows them in their element.
4. I love affection shots. I have one particular shot of the crazies from several years ago where they all sat in front of each other and have a big hug. They're smiling such natural, happy smiles and you can truly tell that they love each other. This extends to all different combinations of family members or friends. I love shots that truly show the affection that the people feel for each other.
5. I like to have lots of shots of family and friends around. I have an entire wall of nieces and nephews. I replace the shots regularly but they're ALWAYS nieces and nephews. I also have shots of grandparents, friends, and neighbors around. I love shots of family and friends around the house to remind all of us how loved we truly are (and all of the people we love, as well).
6. I love shots from excursions we've had. Whether it's hiking in the mountains, going to a ball game, or celebrating a special event, I love having pictures around to remember fun times. Not only is it a great way to commemorate a special event, but it's also a reminder on those rough days exactly how much fun we have together.
7. I love achievement shots. I have shots of every single one of the kids getting awards at their school for honor roll, good behavior, and more. I have shots of kindergarten graduation but also shots of my oldest daughter's Continuation. I also have shots of major achievements for the adults in the house...my favorite for me, personally, is my shot of me with Vince Jackson after shooting his fundraiser a couple of months ago.
Regardless of what people's opinions are on hanging pictures, I love having as many pictures as I can around the house. I give photo gifts at nearly every holiday. I love receiving photo gifts. I think that pictures are an integral part of making a house a home.
Father's Day: It Takes More Than Sperm to Make a Daddy
I believe that sex education is a vital part of a child's education in school. I think that the biology and, in some part, the sociology is an important part of the education a child should receive. I believe in teaching them about the anatomy, different types of families (mom/dad, dad/dad, mom/mom, grandparents raising grandchildren, etc), and what body changes adolescents go through during puberty are an important lesson and a necessary part of growth and development.
With that being said, I believe that there are certain lessons that are best taught at home. One of these such lessons is that it takes more than sperm to be a daddy (there is a flip side for moms but I will cover this another time). This is a controversial topic in some circles and often splits people into two separate groups based on personal life experiences or the life experiences of a loved one. Then again, I'm not all that concerned with other people's judgments on my opinions...opinions are like buttholes; everyone has one.
There is a group of men in this world that are highly lauded in my heart. These are the biological fathers that take ownership of their babies. (This is not, in any way, related to men/couples that give up their child for adoption. That takes a whole different level of bravery and love for their child and can not even begin to be compared to deadbeat dads). Unfortunately, there seem to be more and more "deadbeat dads" out there. Even more unfortunate are the deadbeat dads that are still in a "traditional" two parent household. I'm not just talking about not taking financial responsibility; I'm talking about emotional, physical, and mental support as well. Very little warms my heart more than a true "daddy" that puts their children first, loves them unconditionally, plays with them, supports them in every way, and truly enjoys fatherhood. It's awesome to me to see fathers (whether in a two parent household, single dads, or shared custody dads) who truly enjoy the blessing they've been given to the fullest.
There is another group of men that are equally as endearingly adored in my heart: the dads that take over when a biological parent makes the decision to not be a parent. Sometimes they come in the form of step parents (who sometimes adopt the children at a later time) but they also come in other forms, as well. It takes a lot of courage, love, and a million other wonderful qualities to take over where someone else decided that they didn't want to go. This is another instance of family being more than just a blood relationship. There is an elite group of daddies that picked up where someone else dropped the ball and run it all the way to the end zone.
I don't want to leave out "surrogate" father figures. This might be a family member (grandfather, etc) or it might be a coach, neighbor, or other such person. These surrogate father figures contribute their wisdom, time, and love to children that they simply want to be there for. It's not a part of a love relationships with the child's mother; it's simply a desire to want to provide a positive male influence for a child that might otherwise not experience that love. These, too, are amazing and wonderful men that deserve applause.
The final group of "dads" I think deserve some applause are the single moms that have to serve multiple roles. Having lived this role, I fully understand how difficult it can be and, for mothers that raise their children through their entire childhood in this role, I am amazed at the bravery, love, and other wonderful qualities it takes to serve both roles in a child's life.
Whatever kind of daddy is in your child's life, I hope that you applaud them every day. Let them know that they're loved and admired in a way that lets them experience the appreciation they deserve. Happy Father's Day.
With that being said, I believe that there are certain lessons that are best taught at home. One of these such lessons is that it takes more than sperm to be a daddy (there is a flip side for moms but I will cover this another time). This is a controversial topic in some circles and often splits people into two separate groups based on personal life experiences or the life experiences of a loved one. Then again, I'm not all that concerned with other people's judgments on my opinions...opinions are like buttholes; everyone has one.
There is a group of men in this world that are highly lauded in my heart. These are the biological fathers that take ownership of their babies. (This is not, in any way, related to men/couples that give up their child for adoption. That takes a whole different level of bravery and love for their child and can not even begin to be compared to deadbeat dads). Unfortunately, there seem to be more and more "deadbeat dads" out there. Even more unfortunate are the deadbeat dads that are still in a "traditional" two parent household. I'm not just talking about not taking financial responsibility; I'm talking about emotional, physical, and mental support as well. Very little warms my heart more than a true "daddy" that puts their children first, loves them unconditionally, plays with them, supports them in every way, and truly enjoys fatherhood. It's awesome to me to see fathers (whether in a two parent household, single dads, or shared custody dads) who truly enjoy the blessing they've been given to the fullest.
There is another group of men that are equally as endearingly adored in my heart: the dads that take over when a biological parent makes the decision to not be a parent. Sometimes they come in the form of step parents (who sometimes adopt the children at a later time) but they also come in other forms, as well. It takes a lot of courage, love, and a million other wonderful qualities to take over where someone else decided that they didn't want to go. This is another instance of family being more than just a blood relationship. There is an elite group of daddies that picked up where someone else dropped the ball and run it all the way to the end zone.
I don't want to leave out "surrogate" father figures. This might be a family member (grandfather, etc) or it might be a coach, neighbor, or other such person. These surrogate father figures contribute their wisdom, time, and love to children that they simply want to be there for. It's not a part of a love relationships with the child's mother; it's simply a desire to want to provide a positive male influence for a child that might otherwise not experience that love. These, too, are amazing and wonderful men that deserve applause.
The final group of "dads" I think deserve some applause are the single moms that have to serve multiple roles. Having lived this role, I fully understand how difficult it can be and, for mothers that raise their children through their entire childhood in this role, I am amazed at the bravery, love, and other wonderful qualities it takes to serve both roles in a child's life.
Whatever kind of daddy is in your child's life, I hope that you applaud them every day. Let them know that they're loved and admired in a way that lets them experience the appreciation they deserve. Happy Father's Day.
More Than Blood
I have a large family, lots of nieces and nephews and cousins, aunts and uncles, and more. The catch? A lot of my "family" is not biologically related to me. A good portion of the family is "adopted" (not legally, of course). It doesn't stop me from referring to them as sisters, brothers, nieces or nephews because I believe that family is about more than blood. In fact, I heard a great quote the other day that summed it up for me....
"Family isn't about sharing the same genetics, That's being related, Family is when you love someone to death, and You would do anything for them, You trust them, Take care of them, And in Return they do the same. Its the type of bond you hold together." -Tanya Bianco
The only word I'd add to this is "just." Family isn't JUST about sharing the same genetics. I don't want to completely write off blood relationships because, for a lot of people, blood relationships make the difference. There is a common tie that binds for a lot of families and it might just be that their common bloodline unites them. I can't speak for every family in this instance; I can only speak from my own experience. That's where the disagreement with the statement ends for me, though.
I do believe that loving someone, taking care of them, and trusting them are some of the most important parts of being a family. Family is NOT about convenience. It's about loving someone in the happiest of times and in the times when they're facing the most adversity. It's about being there for the giggles but also for the tears. It's about being there whether you live down the street or across the ocean. "Mom", "Dad," "Sister," "Brother"....they're not just terms to throw around for me. When I call someone my sister, it's not just a term of biology; it's a term of endearment and honor. It means that I love them with all of my heart and I'd do anything I could to help them whenever, whatever. It means that if they hurt my feelings, I'm not just going to write them off; I'm going to do my best to resolve the issue.
Let's face it: sometimes families, biological and otherwise, get into situations where the anger, frustration, sadness and mistrust just can't be resolved. They barely talk or might stop talking altogether and, in some cases, they might even bad-talk to other people about each other. Some families go on for generations with a war, of sorts, waged between siblings and their families. Sometimes this is a two-sided argument and sometimes it's just the anger and wrath of one person contributing to the entire situation. The fact is that none of that really matters when it comes down to it. Sometimes you just have to accept situations as they are, know that you don't have control over anyone else but yourself, let go of the past (for your own health and well-being) and move on with the people that love you and understand you for who you are.
Family is MORE than just a blood relationship; it's loving someone as they are.
"Family isn't about sharing the same genetics, That's being related, Family is when you love someone to death, and You would do anything for them, You trust them, Take care of them, And in Return they do the same. Its the type of bond you hold together." -Tanya Bianco
The only word I'd add to this is "just." Family isn't JUST about sharing the same genetics. I don't want to completely write off blood relationships because, for a lot of people, blood relationships make the difference. There is a common tie that binds for a lot of families and it might just be that their common bloodline unites them. I can't speak for every family in this instance; I can only speak from my own experience. That's where the disagreement with the statement ends for me, though.
I do believe that loving someone, taking care of them, and trusting them are some of the most important parts of being a family. Family is NOT about convenience. It's about loving someone in the happiest of times and in the times when they're facing the most adversity. It's about being there for the giggles but also for the tears. It's about being there whether you live down the street or across the ocean. "Mom", "Dad," "Sister," "Brother"....they're not just terms to throw around for me. When I call someone my sister, it's not just a term of biology; it's a term of endearment and honor. It means that I love them with all of my heart and I'd do anything I could to help them whenever, whatever. It means that if they hurt my feelings, I'm not just going to write them off; I'm going to do my best to resolve the issue.
Let's face it: sometimes families, biological and otherwise, get into situations where the anger, frustration, sadness and mistrust just can't be resolved. They barely talk or might stop talking altogether and, in some cases, they might even bad-talk to other people about each other. Some families go on for generations with a war, of sorts, waged between siblings and their families. Sometimes this is a two-sided argument and sometimes it's just the anger and wrath of one person contributing to the entire situation. The fact is that none of that really matters when it comes down to it. Sometimes you just have to accept situations as they are, know that you don't have control over anyone else but yourself, let go of the past (for your own health and well-being) and move on with the people that love you and understand you for who you are.
Family is MORE than just a blood relationship; it's loving someone as they are.
Friday, June 14, 2013
"Wash your butt" and other things that only a mom says
I sat down today to discuss a few things with the crazies, not the least of which was the quickly disappearing shampoo and conditioner from the girls' shampoo. As a mom on a budget, I know exactly how much of various toiletries is required to make it through a month. I specifically made the purchase of pumps for the shampoo and conditioner the girls use to make certain that they were not pouring half the bottle in their hand every time they washed their hair. Mysteriously, the shampoo has been disappearing at a rapid rate and I've heard a whole lot of horseplay when the boys are showering. This, along with the encroachment of body odor from summer sweat, led me to have a discussion about hygiene and other topics. It definitely got me thinking about some of the phrases I say that are phrases that only a mom would probably say. Here are some of them:
1. The___________ is not a playground/jungle gym. The word "shower" can be interchanged with several others and still be a phrase that I use. The sofa is not a jungle gym. Your bed is not a trampoline. It all fits into the same mold. The fact that I had to explain this using the term "slip and fall on your butt", which sent rippling giggles throughout the room, is irrelevant.
2. The floor is not a slip and slide. Okay, I confess...I was guilty of trying the Pippi Longstocking floor-cleaning technique as a kid. I understand the entire room becomes a massive cloud of steam when there are four kids showering in a row and that you might discover the slippery floor can serve as an express train to get from one side of the room to the other. With that being said, additional lubrication of the floor is NOT okay...and is extremely unsafe.
3. You're gonna break your neck Again, this is one of those phrases I feel like I repeat over and over. Be careful so you don't break your neck/head! This is usually coupled with "I don't feel like spending the night in the emergency room" or "I don't want to hearing any fussing when...."
4. Don't come crying to me when..... This is the phrase I use when I'm warning them, or occasionally directly telling them, not to do something because it's going to have consequences. Examples include "If you're going to keep wrestling, don't come crying to me when you get hurt" or "If you won't put your toys again, don't come crying to me when they get lost."
5. I don't care what ______ gets to do because he/she is not my child If you're a parent of a school aged child, you've probably said this yourself. Apparently I have more rules than other neighborhood parents because I've been told that other kids get to get ice cream every single day from the ice cream man, don't have to look both ways EVERY time before crossing the stress, and that they get to have ice cream and candy whenever they want. I have yet to meet these children but I'm sure they're good friends with the also-fictional children "I don't know" and "I didn't do it."
6. Life's not fair...deal with it. This is mostly a phrase I have to repeat with my tween-age daughter who frequently likes to inform me how unfair I am. I'm unfair because I give them chores and I'm unfair because they have a bed time. I'm unfair because I make them help each other out on occasion and I'm unfair because I won't let her friends come over every waking minute of the day. "Fair" is a word that became re-defined when I had children....and I am not proactively practicing it apparently.
7. When I was a kid..... Yes, I'm that mom. When I was a kid, we got smacked with a wooden spoon when we misbehaved. When I was a kid, we got our mouths washed out with soap if we talked like that. When I was a kid, we sat on the floor instead of expecting adults to move when we were watching TV. When I was a kid, we were outside all the time until we HAD to come in. When I was a kid, we had to walk uphill both ways in 3 feet of snow.....Okay I haven't used that one (yet).
8. Wash your butt.... This one is far more frequently used with a tween-age son that is developing a serious case of B.O. It's simple fact...boys stink. I feel a little like Bill Cosby telling them step by step instructions for the shower:" Get in, turn on the water, wash completely...this includes behind your ears and in your armpits and for God's sake WASH YOUR BUTT!"
9. That is there...this is here....come HERE! This is the frequent answer to anyone who screams "Whhhaaaatttttttttt" across the house when I yell their name. Yes, I just screamed your name across the house to get your attention, probably because I'm busy and can't come to you. That does not mean continuously scream across the house asking me what I need over and over; it means come here and find out what I need while I am talking in my normal speaking voice.
10. Get up, shake it off.... Until I was a parent of multiple children, I didn't use this phrase. Now I'm more apt to tell them to "rub some dirt on it" than to tear off running in panic every time they skin their knee (and NO I don't actually have them rub dirt on it.) This is sometimes coupled with "dry it up" to exaggerated hypochondriacs looking for attention.
This certainly doesn't cover the entire selection of "mom only" phrases but it gives a general idea to how my household sounds. I'll cover the use of the word "potty" (and other mom phrases) when I have more time to post about the words that officially initiate you into mommy-hood.
1. The___________ is not a playground/jungle gym. The word "shower" can be interchanged with several others and still be a phrase that I use. The sofa is not a jungle gym. Your bed is not a trampoline. It all fits into the same mold. The fact that I had to explain this using the term "slip and fall on your butt", which sent rippling giggles throughout the room, is irrelevant.
2. The floor is not a slip and slide. Okay, I confess...I was guilty of trying the Pippi Longstocking floor-cleaning technique as a kid. I understand the entire room becomes a massive cloud of steam when there are four kids showering in a row and that you might discover the slippery floor can serve as an express train to get from one side of the room to the other. With that being said, additional lubrication of the floor is NOT okay...and is extremely unsafe.
3. You're gonna break your neck Again, this is one of those phrases I feel like I repeat over and over. Be careful so you don't break your neck/head! This is usually coupled with "I don't feel like spending the night in the emergency room" or "I don't want to hearing any fussing when...."
4. Don't come crying to me when..... This is the phrase I use when I'm warning them, or occasionally directly telling them, not to do something because it's going to have consequences. Examples include "If you're going to keep wrestling, don't come crying to me when you get hurt" or "If you won't put your toys again, don't come crying to me when they get lost."
5. I don't care what ______ gets to do because he/she is not my child If you're a parent of a school aged child, you've probably said this yourself. Apparently I have more rules than other neighborhood parents because I've been told that other kids get to get ice cream every single day from the ice cream man, don't have to look both ways EVERY time before crossing the stress, and that they get to have ice cream and candy whenever they want. I have yet to meet these children but I'm sure they're good friends with the also-fictional children "I don't know" and "I didn't do it."
6. Life's not fair...deal with it. This is mostly a phrase I have to repeat with my tween-age daughter who frequently likes to inform me how unfair I am. I'm unfair because I give them chores and I'm unfair because they have a bed time. I'm unfair because I make them help each other out on occasion and I'm unfair because I won't let her friends come over every waking minute of the day. "Fair" is a word that became re-defined when I had children....and I am not proactively practicing it apparently.
7. When I was a kid..... Yes, I'm that mom. When I was a kid, we got smacked with a wooden spoon when we misbehaved. When I was a kid, we got our mouths washed out with soap if we talked like that. When I was a kid, we sat on the floor instead of expecting adults to move when we were watching TV. When I was a kid, we were outside all the time until we HAD to come in. When I was a kid, we had to walk uphill both ways in 3 feet of snow.....Okay I haven't used that one (yet).
8. Wash your butt.... This one is far more frequently used with a tween-age son that is developing a serious case of B.O. It's simple fact...boys stink. I feel a little like Bill Cosby telling them step by step instructions for the shower:" Get in, turn on the water, wash completely...this includes behind your ears and in your armpits and for God's sake WASH YOUR BUTT!"
9. That is there...this is here....come HERE! This is the frequent answer to anyone who screams "Whhhaaaatttttttttt" across the house when I yell their name. Yes, I just screamed your name across the house to get your attention, probably because I'm busy and can't come to you. That does not mean continuously scream across the house asking me what I need over and over; it means come here and find out what I need while I am talking in my normal speaking voice.
10. Get up, shake it off.... Until I was a parent of multiple children, I didn't use this phrase. Now I'm more apt to tell them to "rub some dirt on it" than to tear off running in panic every time they skin their knee (and NO I don't actually have them rub dirt on it.) This is sometimes coupled with "dry it up" to exaggerated hypochondriacs looking for attention.
This certainly doesn't cover the entire selection of "mom only" phrases but it gives a general idea to how my household sounds. I'll cover the use of the word "potty" (and other mom phrases) when I have more time to post about the words that officially initiate you into mommy-hood.
Brotherly Love and Expectations
I talked to another mom friend of mine yesterday, who happens to be a psychologist, about some of the crazy stuff my boys have been pulling lately. She gave me the usual lines about them "just being kids" and how "if you compare it to other kids their age, I should be grateful they're not doing worse stuff." She also used the line I hate other moms saying to me the most: "It's not THAT big of a deal." Well, it IS to me. Just like I didn't use other people's expectations for my kids about exactly when they should walk, talk, or start reading, I don't use other people's expectations for their behavior. I have an achievable expectation of them: be polite, follow the rules, and treat people how you want to be treated. Repeated offenses of disobeying one particular rule is going to earn you a more severe punishment, period. I honestly believe it's preparing them for the world to understand that they won't always be able to get away with "they're just young" or "well, other people are doing worse things." I wouldn't get away with a traffic ticket just because there are murderers out on the streets doing worse things than me. Perhaps I am a little more of a strict parent than some but I have four (most of the time) respectful, kind, empathetic children that I'm not afraid to take out in public so I must be doing something right.
With all that being said, she DID say something that made sense and opened my eyes to something I hadn't thought of before. I told her that I can't understand why the boys are constantly getting in trouble for horsing around instead of doing what they're told. They're supposed to put pajamas on and I find them wrestling and throwing stuffed animals at each other. They're supposed to clean their room and I find them dueling with light sabers. What she said to me rang completely true: "Those boys are best friends. It's like having a sleepover at your house all the time." Dramatic pause....sigh. She's right. They are best friends. Even when one plays with a friend, they like to include the other one. Being so close in age and having their personality types makes them play really well together and they honestly are best friends. It totally changed my perspective from feeling like they're just not listening to me to thinking of how I would function if my best friends were over all the time.....and let me tell you, it's given me a new understanding and a new way of approaching it.
With all that being said, she DID say something that made sense and opened my eyes to something I hadn't thought of before. I told her that I can't understand why the boys are constantly getting in trouble for horsing around instead of doing what they're told. They're supposed to put pajamas on and I find them wrestling and throwing stuffed animals at each other. They're supposed to clean their room and I find them dueling with light sabers. What she said to me rang completely true: "Those boys are best friends. It's like having a sleepover at your house all the time." Dramatic pause....sigh. She's right. They are best friends. Even when one plays with a friend, they like to include the other one. Being so close in age and having their personality types makes them play really well together and they honestly are best friends. It totally changed my perspective from feeling like they're just not listening to me to thinking of how I would function if my best friends were over all the time.....and let me tell you, it's given me a new understanding and a new way of approaching it.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Leg shaving and teenage drama
I know I'm probably an unrealistic parent when it came to the appropriate timing for teaching my pre-teen daughter how to shave but my theory was always that when it was necessary, I'd know. Maybe there's an age limit that I didn't know about. Maybe I should have done it sooner, who knows? All I knew was that I didn't want her to have to deal with the stigma of going into junior high with hairy legs when she loves to wear skirts and dresses.
I splurged and bought the aloe-lined fancy razor that helps prevents nicking your legs. I splurged and bought the fancy shaving gel that is extra moisturizing and smells pretty. I prepped her on how to actually complete the process and anxiously waited outside the bathroom for her to begin the task. I kept peeking my head into the steamy bathroom, asking through the shower curtain, "Is everything okay?" She kept assuring me that she was getting ready to start and then it happened....
The scream she let out sounded like Janet Leigh in "Psycho". Having been lingering around the door in case there was a question, I rushed my post-surgical body into the bathroom as quickly as I could and heard the sniffling, bawling mess that had replaced my daughter. A million thoughts went through my mind at once: Did I start this too soon? Should I have done this when she wasn't in the shower so I can help her more? Did she slice an artery? I shouted through the curtain to her asking her what had happened and she peered out, bawling and afraid.
"Mom, I cut myself...." Fully preparing myself for a gash the size of a C-section scar, I braced myself for impact as she slid her leg out and showed me the teeny, tiny nick in the back of her ankle. Relief......thank goodness. It's just a nick.....but it wasn't just a nick to her. This was a dramatic situation, one that called for immediate medical intervention to the nth degree. I had to coax her to get her to finish shaving her legs before we dealt with the tiny nick, which was already beginning to clot on its own. With incredibly dramatic flourish, she hurried through the shaving process, avoiding further trauma but leaving most of the leg hair untouched.
She got out of the shower, got her pajamas on in privacy and, pitifully, opened the bathroom door, still wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. She solemnly informed me that her injury had required only two bandaids and some medical tape to repair it. She also informed me that she might need to ice it because it was "really painful." She cradled that ankle and limped for the remainder of the night as though she'd experienced a skiing accident that had severed a tendon but quickly forgot about it by the next day when the sprinkler came out. So with tiny streaks of bare skin between the stripes of leg hair left by the traumatic rush of injury, she donned her bathing suit and ran like the wind through the sprinkler all afternoon.
We're still working on the concept of shaving her legs again. She's somewhat understandably stricken by the desire to avoid the tiny bee-sting pain of a nick again. She's definitely understanding that unless she is bleeding or on fire, screaming like she's being murdered is not an option at any point in time. I've had to write off leg-shaving like I wrote off her younger sister's blankie addiction; when it's time for her to do it (or in Syd's case, to let it go), she'll do it. If she chooses to brave the Gillette world again in the near future, fantastic! If she chooses to brave the world of middle school with legs that look like the body wax scene from "The 40 Year Old Virgin", so be it. It's entirely possible that there will be a dramatic experience that comes with every shaving experience for the next six months along with a war tale that will told for weeks at a time. With that being said, I had to write this off to teenage drama and move on with my day, choosing to keep my sanity over concern about body hair and bandaids.
I splurged and bought the aloe-lined fancy razor that helps prevents nicking your legs. I splurged and bought the fancy shaving gel that is extra moisturizing and smells pretty. I prepped her on how to actually complete the process and anxiously waited outside the bathroom for her to begin the task. I kept peeking my head into the steamy bathroom, asking through the shower curtain, "Is everything okay?" She kept assuring me that she was getting ready to start and then it happened....
The scream she let out sounded like Janet Leigh in "Psycho". Having been lingering around the door in case there was a question, I rushed my post-surgical body into the bathroom as quickly as I could and heard the sniffling, bawling mess that had replaced my daughter. A million thoughts went through my mind at once: Did I start this too soon? Should I have done this when she wasn't in the shower so I can help her more? Did she slice an artery? I shouted through the curtain to her asking her what had happened and she peered out, bawling and afraid.
"Mom, I cut myself...." Fully preparing myself for a gash the size of a C-section scar, I braced myself for impact as she slid her leg out and showed me the teeny, tiny nick in the back of her ankle. Relief......thank goodness. It's just a nick.....but it wasn't just a nick to her. This was a dramatic situation, one that called for immediate medical intervention to the nth degree. I had to coax her to get her to finish shaving her legs before we dealt with the tiny nick, which was already beginning to clot on its own. With incredibly dramatic flourish, she hurried through the shaving process, avoiding further trauma but leaving most of the leg hair untouched.
She got out of the shower, got her pajamas on in privacy and, pitifully, opened the bathroom door, still wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. She solemnly informed me that her injury had required only two bandaids and some medical tape to repair it. She also informed me that she might need to ice it because it was "really painful." She cradled that ankle and limped for the remainder of the night as though she'd experienced a skiing accident that had severed a tendon but quickly forgot about it by the next day when the sprinkler came out. So with tiny streaks of bare skin between the stripes of leg hair left by the traumatic rush of injury, she donned her bathing suit and ran like the wind through the sprinkler all afternoon.
We're still working on the concept of shaving her legs again. She's somewhat understandably stricken by the desire to avoid the tiny bee-sting pain of a nick again. She's definitely understanding that unless she is bleeding or on fire, screaming like she's being murdered is not an option at any point in time. I've had to write off leg-shaving like I wrote off her younger sister's blankie addiction; when it's time for her to do it (or in Syd's case, to let it go), she'll do it. If she chooses to brave the Gillette world again in the near future, fantastic! If she chooses to brave the world of middle school with legs that look like the body wax scene from "The 40 Year Old Virgin", so be it. It's entirely possible that there will be a dramatic experience that comes with every shaving experience for the next six months along with a war tale that will told for weeks at a time. With that being said, I had to write this off to teenage drama and move on with my day, choosing to keep my sanity over concern about body hair and bandaids.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Don't Take It For Granted
There's an expression that says "You don't know what you have until it's gone" and I believe it to be completely true with a lot of people. In the Age of Entitlement that we currently live in, it seems that a lot of people simply aren't happy with what they have for very long. If you have a 32" flat screen TV, you want the 60". If you have the 3 bedroom, 2 bath house, you want the 4 bedroom 3 bath house with a basement. If Jessica Biel gets a huge wedding ring then clearly your wedding ring is just not big enough or fancy enough anymore. Even worse, there's a whole lot of "Well Susie Q's husband gives her foot massages every night...why don't YOU do that?" OR "Well SHE gets to work more ideal hours at HER job. My job isn't nearly as good." The grass is always greener, so to speak.
My biggest "I took it for granted" that I didn't realize until it was long gone was being a stay at home mom (freelancer but largely focused on stay at home mom-dom). There's a whole lot that I miss about it and, in a completely ideal world, I would have a job that allowed me to "work from home" and be a stay at home mom again. So if you're taking it for granted, here are some of the great things about being a stay at home mom (and don't take this to mean there aren't perks to being a working mom too...one topic at a time).
1. Time with the kids. Pure and simple, time with the kids is the biggest benefit that I miss. I definitely learned to prioritize my time with my kids as a working mama but I miss just being able to spend an entire day relaxing with the kids in my PJ's watching movies. Sure, it didn't happen often but it was incredibly nice to be able to "wing it" a bit more with my time with the kids instead of having to plan it out.
2. Exploring New Activities That is a big vague but here's what I mean...I live in an incredible state with so many great outdoor activities and so much to see and do. I read about all of these things and yet, I have to prioritize where I can go and to what activities I have the time to go to. I would love to take my kids to Greek Festival or for a weekend at Rocky Mountain National Park just exploring. I'd love to hike a 14'er with them or take them to the zoo more often to watch the baby animals grow. There are so many things I'd like to do and I miss being able to use summer break for exploring....not just a couple of days of exploring.
3. Time to Take My Time I miss just being able to take my time. Everything is about scheduling from cleaning the house to going to the library to grocery shopping. While I had to schedule when my kids were still nappers, it was a bit easier. Now it's so complicated because there's so much more to cram into so much less time.
4. Being With Them When They're Sick Yes, I know this doesn't sound appealing to a lot of people but it is something that I wish I could do again. As a mom that works outside the home, I often don't have the flexibility to be able to be with them when they're sick. While I appreciate the people who are there to help me out with them, there's nothing more in this world I want than to cuddle my little guys when they're sick. I want to be the one that makes them feel better.
5. Volunteering/Involvement I miss being able to be the mom that's always at their school. I miss being able to volunteer for all of the room parties and being a more active part of the PTA. This is self-explanatory.
6. The Ability to Let THEM be involved. This is a sports/activities thing more than anything. I want so badly to let them be involved in after-school sports and activities but money and time don't allow it currently. I miss the ability to help this to be a possibility.
7. Cooking from Scratch. I miss having the extra time involved in cooking from scratch instead of pre-packaged things. While I sometimes have the time for this now, I miss knowing that I could spend all day occasionally stirring the spaghetti sauce instead of worrying that I need to open a jar when I get home. I took it for granted back then but it really is something I miss.
Of course, no one has 100% ideal and the grass is always greener to some extent. These are just some of the things I miss and, if offered a job where I could be at home 95% of the time and spend more time with the kids while still making the money necessary to raise a family, etc, I'd be on it like a shark on a school of fish at feeding time. If the powers that be decide to give me that privilege again, I know for certain I would not take it for granted this time around and I would make it count every second. I guess my lesson in all of this is not to look at the neighbor's lawn (figuratively speaking) but to focus on making your lawn greener and more healthy no matter how meager it may seem to you.
My biggest "I took it for granted" that I didn't realize until it was long gone was being a stay at home mom (freelancer but largely focused on stay at home mom-dom). There's a whole lot that I miss about it and, in a completely ideal world, I would have a job that allowed me to "work from home" and be a stay at home mom again. So if you're taking it for granted, here are some of the great things about being a stay at home mom (and don't take this to mean there aren't perks to being a working mom too...one topic at a time).
1. Time with the kids. Pure and simple, time with the kids is the biggest benefit that I miss. I definitely learned to prioritize my time with my kids as a working mama but I miss just being able to spend an entire day relaxing with the kids in my PJ's watching movies. Sure, it didn't happen often but it was incredibly nice to be able to "wing it" a bit more with my time with the kids instead of having to plan it out.
2. Exploring New Activities That is a big vague but here's what I mean...I live in an incredible state with so many great outdoor activities and so much to see and do. I read about all of these things and yet, I have to prioritize where I can go and to what activities I have the time to go to. I would love to take my kids to Greek Festival or for a weekend at Rocky Mountain National Park just exploring. I'd love to hike a 14'er with them or take them to the zoo more often to watch the baby animals grow. There are so many things I'd like to do and I miss being able to use summer break for exploring....not just a couple of days of exploring.
3. Time to Take My Time I miss just being able to take my time. Everything is about scheduling from cleaning the house to going to the library to grocery shopping. While I had to schedule when my kids were still nappers, it was a bit easier. Now it's so complicated because there's so much more to cram into so much less time.
4. Being With Them When They're Sick Yes, I know this doesn't sound appealing to a lot of people but it is something that I wish I could do again. As a mom that works outside the home, I often don't have the flexibility to be able to be with them when they're sick. While I appreciate the people who are there to help me out with them, there's nothing more in this world I want than to cuddle my little guys when they're sick. I want to be the one that makes them feel better.
5. Volunteering/Involvement I miss being able to be the mom that's always at their school. I miss being able to volunteer for all of the room parties and being a more active part of the PTA. This is self-explanatory.
6. The Ability to Let THEM be involved. This is a sports/activities thing more than anything. I want so badly to let them be involved in after-school sports and activities but money and time don't allow it currently. I miss the ability to help this to be a possibility.
7. Cooking from Scratch. I miss having the extra time involved in cooking from scratch instead of pre-packaged things. While I sometimes have the time for this now, I miss knowing that I could spend all day occasionally stirring the spaghetti sauce instead of worrying that I need to open a jar when I get home. I took it for granted back then but it really is something I miss.
Of course, no one has 100% ideal and the grass is always greener to some extent. These are just some of the things I miss and, if offered a job where I could be at home 95% of the time and spend more time with the kids while still making the money necessary to raise a family, etc, I'd be on it like a shark on a school of fish at feeding time. If the powers that be decide to give me that privilege again, I know for certain I would not take it for granted this time around and I would make it count every second. I guess my lesson in all of this is not to look at the neighbor's lawn (figuratively speaking) but to focus on making your lawn greener and more healthy no matter how meager it may seem to you.
Surgical Leave
I've had quite a long break from blogging, in large part because I've been on surgical leave. A few weeks ago, I had a hysterectomy done to remove my uterus and fallopian tubes. I did it strictly because my IUD was lodged in and had perforated my uterus. Thankfully they were able to leave my ovaries so that I didn't have to suffer through early menopause. Thankfully, they were able to do it without going through my abdomen so I wasn't having to recover from abdominal incisions as well. So here's the short list of what I've learned from this process....
1. Regardless of what a doctor promises at the time, they can NOT tell you with absolute certainty that something is completely safe. When my IUD was put in, I was assured by my doctor that it was completely safe (and yes, that phrase was used by my OB/GYN at the time). I was assured that he had put in hundreds of these and that the only complication he'd ever seen was the IUD falling out. I'm not blaming him. That might have been the case. They handed me the literature and I read it knowing that uterine perforation was, indeed, a risk. I took that information, though, and piled it in with a physician that told me it was "completely safe" to make my decision. I can tell you, with great certainty, how careful I am about researching things since then. I've actually been in debates with my children's pediatrician over some issues based on being told that it was "perfectly safe." It taught me a great lesson.
2. Sometimes the best laid plans go awry. I got the IUD put in to prevent further pregnancies (obviously) and thought that the benefits of localized hormones, etc would be worth it. Instead, I suffered incredibly awful side effects and a subsequent surgery that sterilized me because of it. At 32 years old, I would not plan to have a sterilization procedure of this magnitude done for no reason at all. In fact, I don't know a lot of people that would choose a hysterectomy at 32 years old. Sometimes the plans you make don't work out the way that you think they will.
3. My doctor is a hoot! There are some things I love about this state and my doctor is one of them. She is hysterical. She's blunt and very realistic but she does it in an incredibly fun way. Even my boyfriend was about to lose it listening to her post-surgery.
4. When the doctor says "unexpected fatigue", she means it. I was released back to work after 2 weeks with restrictions and my first day back brought a half hour of work and then BAM, passed out on the sidewalk after barely any exertion. No matter how superwoman-ish (a new word...I think so) I think I am, my body still needs time to fully recover.
5. Boredom is inevitable when recovering. I should probably be reveling in the "free time" but I'm busy being irritated that I can't lift, vacuum, or do what I'd normally do. I finally was able to suntan yesterday for awhile and read a book but I spend a lot more time wishing I could do more without feeling like crap when I do. I'm certainly not whining...just stating the obvious. Boredom is inevitable.
6. Pain meds are no fun. After having them prescribed and barely taking any, I can say with a smile that pain meds SUCK! I'm sure they're great for some people but with a tolerance like mine (extremely minimal), they suck. Not only are they sleep-inducing and constipating but they're largely (at least for me) not any more effective than ibuprofen at pain relief. I much preferred the heating pad and relaxation to pain meds.
7. People say some crazy stuff when under anesthesia. I won't get into the details here but let's just say that I'm well informed on the stuff I muttered under anesthesia and while I vaguely remember some things, most of it is completely blank to me...and that's okay. I am apparently very hyper-sensitive to anesthesia of any type. I felt out of my head for nearly the whole day post-surgery. All I could think after was, "So that's what it's like to be high..." (Hahaha)
With at least one more week of recovery before returning to work (again), I'm going to try to make the best of it. I'm glad to have the surgery done and my body on its way to the recovery it truly needs (without an IUD wreaking havoc on my body). Hopefully this will open the door for more frequent blogging.
1. Regardless of what a doctor promises at the time, they can NOT tell you with absolute certainty that something is completely safe. When my IUD was put in, I was assured by my doctor that it was completely safe (and yes, that phrase was used by my OB/GYN at the time). I was assured that he had put in hundreds of these and that the only complication he'd ever seen was the IUD falling out. I'm not blaming him. That might have been the case. They handed me the literature and I read it knowing that uterine perforation was, indeed, a risk. I took that information, though, and piled it in with a physician that told me it was "completely safe" to make my decision. I can tell you, with great certainty, how careful I am about researching things since then. I've actually been in debates with my children's pediatrician over some issues based on being told that it was "perfectly safe." It taught me a great lesson.
2. Sometimes the best laid plans go awry. I got the IUD put in to prevent further pregnancies (obviously) and thought that the benefits of localized hormones, etc would be worth it. Instead, I suffered incredibly awful side effects and a subsequent surgery that sterilized me because of it. At 32 years old, I would not plan to have a sterilization procedure of this magnitude done for no reason at all. In fact, I don't know a lot of people that would choose a hysterectomy at 32 years old. Sometimes the plans you make don't work out the way that you think they will.
3. My doctor is a hoot! There are some things I love about this state and my doctor is one of them. She is hysterical. She's blunt and very realistic but she does it in an incredibly fun way. Even my boyfriend was about to lose it listening to her post-surgery.
4. When the doctor says "unexpected fatigue", she means it. I was released back to work after 2 weeks with restrictions and my first day back brought a half hour of work and then BAM, passed out on the sidewalk after barely any exertion. No matter how superwoman-ish (a new word...I think so) I think I am, my body still needs time to fully recover.
5. Boredom is inevitable when recovering. I should probably be reveling in the "free time" but I'm busy being irritated that I can't lift, vacuum, or do what I'd normally do. I finally was able to suntan yesterday for awhile and read a book but I spend a lot more time wishing I could do more without feeling like crap when I do. I'm certainly not whining...just stating the obvious. Boredom is inevitable.
6. Pain meds are no fun. After having them prescribed and barely taking any, I can say with a smile that pain meds SUCK! I'm sure they're great for some people but with a tolerance like mine (extremely minimal), they suck. Not only are they sleep-inducing and constipating but they're largely (at least for me) not any more effective than ibuprofen at pain relief. I much preferred the heating pad and relaxation to pain meds.
7. People say some crazy stuff when under anesthesia. I won't get into the details here but let's just say that I'm well informed on the stuff I muttered under anesthesia and while I vaguely remember some things, most of it is completely blank to me...and that's okay. I am apparently very hyper-sensitive to anesthesia of any type. I felt out of my head for nearly the whole day post-surgery. All I could think after was, "So that's what it's like to be high..." (Hahaha)
With at least one more week of recovery before returning to work (again), I'm going to try to make the best of it. I'm glad to have the surgery done and my body on its way to the recovery it truly needs (without an IUD wreaking havoc on my body). Hopefully this will open the door for more frequent blogging.
Boobs
Since it's been awhile since my last post, I'm covering a few different topics (with a few different posts) in one day. This one is about boobs. There is a certain celebrity who has insured her "rack" that recently announced she was pregnant. I confess that I adore her in every single interview I've ever seen her in. The PMS monster side of me (yes, ladies, you know what I'm talking to) wants to scratch her eyes out for being sweet, smart, funny, AND beautiful but it's hard to hate someone who's so loveable. My first comment when I heard about it was "Welcome to the saggy boob club." Yes, moms, you know what I'm talking about. If you're above the age of 35 OR you've had a child (especially one you've breastfed), you may as well kiss those perky cute ones goodbye. They may get bigger but they are NOT getting better. Let's face it. It's not a terrible thing, for the most part. It's sort of like initiation into the mothering club. I take solace in knowing that those not-so-perky pecs are what nourished my children from their very first meal to whatever point I stopped nursing. They're not much but they're mine.
The hard question a lot of us face seems to be what to do with these less-than-perfect lady humps in our self-conscious moments. Some women choose to go the "fix-it" route. I've considered it myself and I'd love to say that it's a moral issue but it's more of a money and "fear of needles" issue...mostly money. (Hahaha) Some women choose to complain about them constantly and live in denial. Most of us choose the "accept it and deal" method: they don't have to be perfect for any of us that choose this method. We simply don't have the time to focus on this detail of our life all that often. It's not that we might not TAKE the "fix it" route if it was offered to us; it's simply that we haven't had that opportunity offered to us (though some of us would refuse the route either way).
The bigger question is why everyone is so fixated on having to have the perfect body. I watch all these movies from the 80's and there were a lot of "flat chested" women in these movies that were still considered to be stunning. That seems to be absent in a lot (not all, but a lot) of movies now. It's almost like a prerequisite that large breasts are considered beautiful. It's the same premise as women often being too thin, but that's a whole different topic. Men are fixated on breasts for their own reasons and different men have different viewpoints on the perfect size (some more unrealistic than others). Women seem to have become equally as fixated on perfection when it comes to their ta-ta's and how theirs aren't perfect. The obvious answer is that it's the media fixation for perfection but I'm sure there's some psychological answer that's deeper. My post is not an exploratory post but more of an observation.
So here's to the boobs of the world: big and small, perky and not-so-perky, every shape and size....may they always puzzle and entertain as they do now.
The hard question a lot of us face seems to be what to do with these less-than-perfect lady humps in our self-conscious moments. Some women choose to go the "fix-it" route. I've considered it myself and I'd love to say that it's a moral issue but it's more of a money and "fear of needles" issue...mostly money. (Hahaha) Some women choose to complain about them constantly and live in denial. Most of us choose the "accept it and deal" method: they don't have to be perfect for any of us that choose this method. We simply don't have the time to focus on this detail of our life all that often. It's not that we might not TAKE the "fix it" route if it was offered to us; it's simply that we haven't had that opportunity offered to us (though some of us would refuse the route either way).
The bigger question is why everyone is so fixated on having to have the perfect body. I watch all these movies from the 80's and there were a lot of "flat chested" women in these movies that were still considered to be stunning. That seems to be absent in a lot (not all, but a lot) of movies now. It's almost like a prerequisite that large breasts are considered beautiful. It's the same premise as women often being too thin, but that's a whole different topic. Men are fixated on breasts for their own reasons and different men have different viewpoints on the perfect size (some more unrealistic than others). Women seem to have become equally as fixated on perfection when it comes to their ta-ta's and how theirs aren't perfect. The obvious answer is that it's the media fixation for perfection but I'm sure there's some psychological answer that's deeper. My post is not an exploratory post but more of an observation.
So here's to the boobs of the world: big and small, perky and not-so-perky, every shape and size....may they always puzzle and entertain as they do now.
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