Workout Inspiration

I saw a meme this morning that inspired my post for today.  The meme said "Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair.  Don't make fun of people that are trying to better themselves."  Now before you become the PC police and say that the proper word is "overweight" or something of the like, look at the sentiment of the phrase.  Don't focus on the word.....focus on the meaning of the phrase as a whole.  It really means something.

I, personally, am considered in the "normal" weight range but have ridden the lower end of that for most of my life.  Some of it might be genetics and some of it is the fact that I keep a very active lifestyle.  The truth of the matter, though, is that I'm very conscious of my health.  One side of my family struggles with obesity, diabetes, heart problems and other maladies.  The other side of my family has a strong line of Parkinson's disease, diabetes, hypothyroidism, and heart problems.  Frankly, I've spent most of my life trying to stay healthy to attempt to beat the odds.  Because I know these are things that my family struggles with, I am trying to avoid or delay these problems even starting rather than having to fight my way back once they do.

Because of my family's struggles, though, I am very conscious of how looked down upon overweight people are.  It breaks my heart.  People can be downright critical and mean.  They feel, somehow, that they have the right to judge someone because of their weight.  They don't know their story.  They don't know what their family history is.  They don't know whether they've just had a difficult pregnancy that had them on bed rest.  They don't know if they're struggling with hypothyroidism or trying to balance their diet with newly discovered diabetes.  No one knows what the story is but they feel like they have the right to criticize and assume.  You have no idea what someone's struggle is and a good, solid majority of overweight people are not intentionally making themselves so.

I have seen it in person at the gym....judgmental jerks that will whisper comments about overweight people trying to work out.  I've watched it in yoga classes as women mock the new overweight classmates who are not able to quite get into that position just yet.  It's disgusting....it's ugly and rude and I would love to be there when the karma bus comes back around to these assholes.  Why aren't we cheering on ANYONE who is new to the gym, regardless of weight?  ANYONE that wants to better their health is doing something awesome.  ANYONE that wants to seat and suffer the sore muscles and breathlessness of post-workout world has my vote.

So, "fat" (and I'm not fond of that word but I'm using it in reference to the meme's quote) people at the gym, you have my vote!  Keep on keeping on! You're kicking ass!  You're inspiring millions to do something better for themselves too!

Here's What You CAN Do

There is a phrase that says "tigers can't change their stripes" meaning that people can't change who they are.  In fact, I have posted on this in the past.  I believe the phrase to be true.  People can't change who they are at their core.  If you're moody, you will always be moody.  If you're sappy, you will always be sappy.  If you're silly, you will always be silly.  You were beautifully and wonderfully made exactly as you are.

Now here's what that phrase doesn't mean.....

That phrase doesn't mean that people can't change their natural habits.  If you are a naturally moody person, you CAN learn to control your mood swings.  If you're sappy, you CAN learn to control your crying fits.  You see, how you react to things is a habit that was, likely, formed very early on in your life.  What you do and how you respond comes naturally to you but it doesn't mean you can't learn to control and hone it down if you want to.  Sometimes these habits do better with counseling and sometimes it's just a matter of starting something new and sticking with it.

That phrase doesn't mean you can't change your addictions.  Whether it's an addiction to video games (like a recent Dr Phil episode) or drugs or biting your nails, it CAN be changed.  The caveat is that you have to want to change it.  You might need professional help (especially for drugs) but you might be able to kick it on your own.  The fact is that your habits can be changed once you get to the core of what's causing you to do what you're doing.

That phrase doesn't mean that you can't change the course of how things are going in your life.  There is always time to start being more fiscally responsible.  There is always more time to call your parents or grandparents more.  There is always more time to try to sit down to a dinner with your kids.  Today is the day to start something new.  Go for it!

Tiger's CAN'T change their stripes but you CAN change your life.  Think positive!

Meltdowns....It Might Be Preventable Sometimes

I think everyone gets a little frustrated and frazzled sometimes.  We all have those days where we are just DONE.  The kids are being nuts or work was a hellfire.  Maybe it was just one thing after another.  Maybe it has been building for hours or days or weeks.  Regardless, we are just DONE with the day.

Now think about your kids.....

Ever see your kids completely lose it?  Most of us are appalled by really nasty behavior or ugliness from our kids but sometimes you have to look at the big picture.  Sometimes there are things that you are doing, without even realizing it, to make your kids melt down.  Here are 5 famous ones (and this is just a small list) that you can try to avoid.

1.  They're tired.  This is probably the #1 cause of bad behavior.  The amount of sleep that kids actually need is rarely what they get.  Whether it's a case of the sniffles in a toddler or an all-night study session for a high schooler, they often aren't getting the sleep that they need.  I love when people say, "Well my kid's old enough to make that choice of when to go to sleep on a school night" and then have kids that act up or don't perform well in school.  Guess what? They're tired.  Their brains can't function the full-scale results of staying up that late.  That's why they're kids.  Be an adult.  Set a limit (I'm not suggesting a 7:30 bedtime).  Lack of sleep can make anyone lash out.

2.  They're overstimulated.  When you run, run run your kids all of the time, they are likely to get overstimulated and melt down.  Seriously, let them be kids for a little while and you'll likely have fewer tantrums.

3.  They feel out of control.  This sounds weird but it's true.  If you're forcing your tentative three year old to hug a bunch of people at a reunion, they are going to feel like one of the few things they CAN control is gone.  They'll lash out...and leave you wondering what the heck just happened.

4.  They don't feel good.  In babies and toddlers, the most nefarious cause is teeth.  Molars can be stubborn and take months of discomfort to come through.  In older kids, they might have a cold or allergies.  They might just not feel great due to hormones.  Could be anything.

5.  They're stressed.  Yup, it happens to kids too.  In fact, they see what you're stressing over and take it on themselves sometimes.  Kids get stressed too.  Keep an open relationship where they feel comfortable talking and make sure they have other trusted adults to confide in, as well.

Kids are people too and life is crazy sometimes.  Be patient when things are going on.  

"You're Lucky You're So Cute"

"You're lucky you're so cute."  A whole lot of parents have said it to their infants and toddlers when they get into something or create a stinking, poopy mess up their back and into their hair.  Babies were created to be so incredibly adorable because they are a hand full.  Okay, I know there's more to it than that, both scientifically and in a million other ways.  Still, you have to think that was part of the plan.  God knew that if you were given a moody 20 year old attitude from the start, the human species would die off. No one would want to have kids. (Don't get your panties in a ruffle; you know I'm right.)

So what happens when they're teenagers.  Cute is overridden by eye rolls, loud sighs and statements of being "so unfair" on a daily basis.  Let's be realistic.... you always, always, always LOVE your kids but there are days that you might not like them quite as much.  If you are getting all pissy right now and thinking there's no way it'll happen, just wait.  It does.  When they're teenagers, they can be downright mean and not much fun to be around.  You love them but you don't really like them that much that particular day.

But there's hope.....

While teenagers aren't cute, smiley and agreeable all of the time like most infants, they have their perks too.  They're independent.  Their attitudes are often just testing the waters and learning to do things on their own.  It can be a combination of frustrating and fun for them but it also is something that takes some practice.  On the one hand, they need your help to learn how to do things independently.  On the other hand, they want to learn on their own.  It's a balance and one that can inspire damn near anyone to be moody and frustrated.  It's actually understanding sometimes.  We've all been there and we all know the feeling.

So the next time your teenager snaps at you, take a minute to focus on not wringing her neck and remember that she's just frustrated at life.  Take a deep breath, give her a hug and know that this too shall pass.  If it gets too bad, there's always the water bottle...hey, a little squirt never hurts the puppy......

5 Reasons to Pull Your Hair Out At Easter

1.  Candy....so.....much....damn.....candy

2.  Fancy dresses....and in this year's Colorado climate in the past week, fancy dresses and egg hunts are not a good mix.

3.  Easter egg arguments.....she got 6 and I got 4.  Or you can be the parent that color codes eggs to make everything "fair."

4.  Easter grass....it's enough to make a parent twitch

and most importantly....

5.  The purchase of innocent chicks and bunnies for kids that won't care for them.  Seriously, don't do it unless you have the space on your property.

SPD Mom Anxiety

I have to remind myself every now and then that it's good for my SPD son to experience things that seem scary to me.  Being the parent of a sensory processing disorder child can be the kind of experience that makes you extra cautious.  You become extra-sensitive to noise levels because you know that too much noise can be very overwhelming.  You become extra-sensitive to conditions that are too hot or too cold because not only do conditions like that make him have a sensory flare but the clothing required for these conditions can cause sensory issues as well.  You become extra-sensitive to making certain that he's protected from any condition that you can.  Even though he's very well-adjusted, I'm still a cautious mom.

I'm helping my son pack for overnight camp.  Having sensory issues, I'm extra-sensitive to the fact that it might get cold so long underwear, extra socks, and so on. With that said, Colorado sun is potent so sunscreen, sunglasses, and a hat.  Earplugs for if he gets too over stimulated by the noise. Notebook to sketch in if he gets overstimulated during hang out times in between structured activities.  Everything is a process.

As I sit here anxiously packing with him, he can see I'm getting worried.  He looks at me and says, "Mom I'm gonna be fine.  You've got me prepared."  I'm worried but I'm confident that my little guy isn't so little anymore.  He's figuring this out and he's doing awesome.  These experiences are good for him and I'm so proud of him for coming so far.

Have faith, SPD moms, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Less of a Mom? *eyeroll*

I heard it said yesterday that a mom who had a planned c-section didn't really have to experience childbirth.  I was floored for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that, by its very definition, of COURSE that mother has experienced childbirth.  She gave birth to a child.  Seriously, why is this mother being criticized?  She still has to recover.  She still has a newborn.  I cannot see a valid argument for the other side of this debate.

Let me be very clear: I've never had a c-section.  As the matter of fact, I had four 10+ hour labors with no epidural.  Three of those times, I had epidural for nearly the entire labor because my water had broken but there was no dilation happening regardless of my efforts.  Some of my nearest and dearest experienced c-sections, some of them planned.  Some experienced planned inductions.  Some had short, simple labors.  Some had very long, complicated labors.  Some chose epidurals.  Some gave birth at home.  Some gave birth in a birthing tub or a pool of warm water.  There are so many different birth scenarios that can take place.

What it comes down to is this: all of them have different recovery times.  All of them have different recovery "side effects".  All of them have their criticisms from the other side.  I hear all of the time that I was crazy to "go through it naturally"from one side while another criticizes the fact that the doctors made me use pitocin.  I've had my home birth friends criticized for it being too unsafe.  The point is that every birth method is going to have a naysayer telling you why it's not the best way to do it.  Not one of those naysayers can take away your labor experience and not one of them has the right to criticize your choices (or, in some cases, the cards you were dealt).

Allow me to give you some alternatives to criticizing a new mom's birth method choice (or lack thereof).....

What a gorgeous baby!

You two make beautiful babies!

He/she is so cute!

Look at all that hair!

Look at those beautiful eyes!

Great job, mama!

or if you really want to say something productive.....

Can I bring you a meal for your family?

What size diapers would be good to bring you?

Are you in need of anything that I can help with?

Would you like me to watch the new baby so you can take a nap?

How about you go and rest while I clean up the house for you?

Any of these are going to be much more helpful to any new mom.  Seriously, people, use your brain and just a hair of tact (I'm not suggesting everyone should be PC, just tactful) and remember that birth method is of little overall importance to the fact that a mom is still a mom.

Being a Mom of Three or More

There are certain things that I believe you will never understand until you are a mom of three or more kids.  I've always said that once you get to three kids, adding more kids is just more noise and money. You'll often find that moms of that many kids are more inclined to let their kids have friends over, often having a house full.  It puzzles moms of one or two more than a few times.  Here are some of the things you just never truly understand until you are a mom of three or more.....

A 5 year old is perfectly capable of learning to change a diaper.  It sounds crazy, right?  It's not.  Of course, it needs to be supervised but 5 year olds can, indeed, learn to change diapers.  If you have your kids very close together (like I did mine), you can use all the of help you can get.  Occasionally that means that while you're wrangling your toddler, your five year old can change a diaper.

More than that, your 5 year old is likely to WANT to be helpful  Look, none of us are going to force our 5 year old to change diapers but when they ask to learn and they're good at it, you accept it.  They actually WANT to help a good portion of the time.  It's like a real live baby doll for them, in their little opinions.

You can truly listen to three different conversations at the same time.  I'm not going to say that you are going to fully comprehend all three at once but you can definitely listen and answer to three conversations at once....even when they're talking over each other.

Quiet is relative.  What a mom of one deems as quiet is completely different from what you deem as quiet.  You start to forget what quiet sounds like.  When the noise is down to a dull roar, you feel like it's quiet.

Clean is relative too.  You start to accept the fact that you're probably not going to have a clean house.  The idea of "when they all sleep" becomes a joke because IF they all sleep at the same time, you do a quick clean and then take a damn break because you're exhausted!

Sanity is also sort of relative  This, especially, applies if your kids are within a year or two of each other chronologically.  Your sanity depends on you being able to let go of the small stuff and not obsess about whether or not you bring the perfectly coiffed cupcakes to the bake sale.

You start using the "not a restaurant" kitchen philosophy.  If you have one, or even two, you sometimes fall prey to the "Well she doesn't like that so I'll make her this instead...."  As a mom of three, you stop doing that.  You start saying, "This isn't a restaurant...eat what's here or don't eat."

Your boobs go to hell but you make up for it with hawk level vision.  If your boobs still look great after three kids you're probably some sort of alien being.  Your boobs will be sad but your ability to have spidey sense and eagle eye vision will make up for it.  You'll eventually develop an ability to spot what the neighbor's kids are doing in addition to your own.  Just happens.

You could beat out a lie detector in catching fibbers  You become a human lie detector.  They get two words into the lie and you bust them immediately.  It doesn't just extend to your own kids....others too.

and finally....

You learn that your teachers and child care help are your friends  You tend to be less critical of your kids' teachers and understand that they are in the trenches with you.  If your teacher says your kid is being a butt, you don't get on the defensive.  You know that stuff happens and the teacher is probably right.

This is only the starter list but suffice it to say that life with three or more is a whole different ball game.  It's not exactly an exclusive club (since anyone can join) but it's one that not everyone will fully understand.

Stop Trying to Be Their Friends

I've noticed, recently, that some of the most entitled bratty children come from parents with the best of intentions.  It's not that the parents are flippant and inattentive; quite the contrary, they're involved parents.  It's not that the parents are uneducated or uncaring.  In actuality, education has nothing to do with it and they care about and love their children just as every other parent does.  It's not that the kids aren't socialized; most of the time, they're just as socialized as other kids.

What causes bratty kids then?

I'm not a psychologist and I strictly work on observation and experience but I believe that too many parents are concerned with political correctness, being their child's friend, and wanting to protect their little munchkin.  Before you jump to a conclusion that I assume all of these are all bad, they're not. Allow me to give an example:  Little Johnny is playing with Little Billy on a playdate at Billy's house.  Johnny picks up a toy and starts to play with it.  Enraged that someone would possibly touch his toy, Billy goes over and snatches the toy from Johnny.  Billy's in the wrong, right?  Well not to Billy's mom.  Billy's mom goes over to explain to Johnny why Billy just wanted his toy and Johnny can have a turn after.  Sounds crazy, right?  It happens all of the time.

You see, Mommy is too concerned with the fact that she doesn't want to hear little Billy cry.  Mommy doesn't want to believe that little Billy might be a brat.  Instead, she wants to explain away little Billy's behavior and rationalize it so that she feels better about her parenting.  Here's the thing....little Billy's gonna grow up thinking that's okay.  Then, little Billy's gonna get into high school and act like a jerk, get in trouble and Mommy will bail him out again.  Then Billy's gonna go into college, do stupid things and act jerky and Mommy will bail him out.  Mommy will spend her entire life bailing out her son that everyone knows is a jerk to begin with.  Mommy didn't achieve anything except teaching her kid to be a dick.

No, I'm not politically correct.

We, as parents, have got to stop worrying so much about making our kids mad.  Instead, we've got to teach them how to deal with it when they get mad.  Are they gonna be mad that you're making them share?  Of course.  Does that mean they don't have to learn to take turns?  Of course not!  They need to learn how to deal with their emotions.  They need to learn basic life skills, even (age appropriately) as toddlers.  They need to learn that Mommy isn't going to bail them out when they act a-fool.  Mommy is going to appropriately discipline them.  

Mommies and Daddies, prepare yourself because you're not gonna like this:  Stop coddling your brats!  Your child's temper tantrum is a rite of passage but it doesn't mean it's acceptable behavior.  What's even less acceptable is your response.  You don't get to make the victim of your child's attacks feel bad for doing what's right.  You don't get to explain away your child's mean, screaming , hitting fit as someone else's fault.  You see, toddlers are still learning to control their emotions.  They need to be taught.  You need to learn that you're just creating a monster....a very big, ugly, green monster.  Someday that monster will get bigger and scarier and it'll be too late for you to slay the monster on your own.

Don't be afraid to hear him cry because he's frustrated.  Teach him how to cope with that emotion.  Don't be afraid to take him away from the situation when he's hitting someone else because he's frustrated.  Move him away and let him know that physical violence is not the answer.  Don't explain it away, TEACH.  Don't be afraid to let him fuss and whine because he doesn't want to wait to take a turn.  Teach him how to handle it.  Don't be afraid of what your neighbors will think if they see your kid throwing a fit.  Be a parent.  Stop worrying about being politically correct and worry about being correct, period.  Raise your kids.  Stop letting them raise you.

Look, we're all in this together. If you need help, ask.  Just stop thinking that those of us that are raising our kids to be productive, kind, high functioning members of society should bow down to your little Prince of Darkness.

(And, in case there was any confusion, I am not referring to children with developmental disabilities here.  There is a vast difference between a child having a meltdown due to sensory issues, etc than a child that is throwing a fit because someone is playing with his He-Man action figure.)

The Attacks in Brussels

Another senseless attack has taken place in Brussels.  The last count of those who perished was 28 (15 at the train station and 13 at the airport), though there is very real possibility that the number will grow.  The country has been on high alert since a terrorist was recently apprehended there.  My thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims and to the people of Belgium.  It's terrifying knowing that someone has attacked your home turf.

Trump (and others) has one thing right: Terrorism is our biggest threat as a nation.  It's a loose cannon ready to threaten our well-being at any given turn.  I, personally, don't believe that it's all people of one faith, creed, culture, or race.  Contrary to some things that I've read, they are not dumb.   They are pissed off and have no concern about dying for their cause.  That's what makes them most dangerous: they're willing to kill themselves in order to kill those that they're attacking.

Should we live in fear?  No.  It would do no good to sit and worry 24/7/365.  Whatever is going to happen is going to happen.  All you can do is be as prepared as possible, pray, and be alert. Note that second one.....pray.  Pray for our nation.  Pray for our world.  If you're not a person of faith (one that prays), send good vibes.  Whatever the case may be, our world is in total and complete disarray.

The politicians will use today's events to further their campaigns.  Realistically, we want to hear them do just that.  We want to hear what they'll do to protect us.  It's all well and good to talk about how you'll bully and man handle but take a moment and truly think about who these terrorists are.  Do you honestly think you can bully them into submission?  It's all well and good to say the simple solution is to close the borders completely but, just like many other countries, there are sleeper cells already here.  If you think that closing the borders means complete safety, you're wrong.  It's all well and good to say that you're gonna make this country do this and force this country to do that but the new guy in town (meaning the new President, whoever that is) coming in and thinking they can run everything and force others into submission is just not going to happen.  I don't care if you're a great businessman or a great lawyer or a great doctor, there are some things that politicians actually excel at and, like it or not, working with other leaders is one of them.

What I, personally, would like to hear today is not a bunch of hot air.  I don't want to hear a bunch of lofty promises that are likely to end up broken.  I want to hear compassion.  I want to hear compassion for the people in Brussels.  I want to hear how we are going to come together as a nation.  I don't want to hear the yada yada of how you'll swoop in like Superman and take everyone out in one big punch because it's a load of crap.  I want to hear how you're going to help us come together as a nation and then promote togetherness in the world.  I want to hear how you're going to make us stronger as a nation, as a group.  I want to hear what we're going to do to encourage (not force but encourage) other nations to come together.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Brussels today and in the days ahead as they mourn those lost.  May God bless them and may God bless our world.

The Violence in Political Events

In the wake of yet another physical altercation at a Trump rally along with the amount of protesters shutting down a highway in Arizona over a Trump rally, I have to say enough is enough.  Seriously, America...enough is enough.

I agree with both sides on one thing: our country is experiencing a real crap time.  It's no secret that I'm not a huge fan of the current administration.  No, I do not believe that he's the antichrist (and I think that anyone that supports that theory needs to re-read their Bible because he doesn't fit the bill). I'm not sure he qualifies for the worst President ever because, frankly, I think that the title might be relative.  I think that people sometimes forget that Congress is much more involved in creating the mess that our country is in.  Yes, executive order exists and yes, the President strongly influences things but he is not the sole reason that our country is in this mess.  George W Bush isn't either.  No one single President is responsible for this whole mess.  It's been a long time coming.

But I digress....

At what point did it become okay to man handle protesters?  At what point did it become okay for you to shut down a highway because you don't like someone?  The answer to both of these is never.  It is never okay to man handle a protester and it's not okay to put the lives of thousands at risk during a protest because you don't want people to attend a rally.  Look, you don't have to like Trump or his supporters but they have a right to gather.  That said, anti Trump protesters also have a right to be at his rallies.  Why?  Because it's a free country and that's what protesters do.  They go to the source and voice their opinions.

So Trump says that people are being hired to come to his rallies and protest.  Maybe they are.  In fact, I wouldn't put anything past some of these people.  So what.  There are clear videos showing these people just wearing an anti-Trump t shirt or holding a sign.  They aren't disturbing the peace.  They aren't being violent.  They're just there.  It's the equivalent of an Atheist being in a church wearing a shirt supporting his beliefs.  Should they riot and kick him out, punching him in the head?  No, of course not.  Why?  He has a right to be there and he has a right to have his beliefs.  The Trump campaign manager is seen grabbing a protester by the shirt collar just for being there.  Is he punching anyone?  Nope.  Guess who is.... a Trump supporter.  What does Trump say about this?  Essentially he says, "Good for him."  Support Trump's campaign or not, this is NOT okay.  We should NOT be supporting punching people in the head for different beliefs.  It's a slippery slope, folks.  It's a slippery slope.

Anti-Trump-ers, you are just as guilty....shutting down a highway.  Seriously.  There are far more productive ways to express your beliefs than to shut down a highway.  You are putting other people's lives on hold just for your own beliefs.  Come on now.

People keep comparing the anti-Trump movement to Black Lives Matter, saying that both of these are violent.  I don't believe this to be entirely true.  Are there some in the BLM movement that were violent?  Of course.  There are also some anti-abortion activists that are violent.  There are some in every movement that are violent but that doesn't mean the entire movement is violent.  There are some pro-Trump-ers that are violent and some anti-Trump-ers that are.  This isn't about labeling an entire movement because of a few people.  What it IS about is what the heads of these movements are saying about this.... are they promoting this violence?  Are they saying that this is okay?

Look, folks, I'm not going to tell you who to support.  I'm not going to tell you that Donald Trump is wrong for his views.  I'm not going to tell you that he's the best thing ever or the worst thing to hit our country head on.  What I will say is this....Mr Trump, stop supporting these violent outbursts at your rallies.  You are NOT supporting the Constitution by stifling people's right to protest.  To those of us that were on the fence on who to choose, you are scaring the shit out of us by allowing us to think that if we don't agree with something you say, someone is being given the right to punch us in the head.  This applies to every candidate but, Mr Trump, you seem to be relishing the fact that you're in the news over this.  It's frightening to someone who likes your catch phrase but is still watching closely to see what you truly present as a plan.

I'll end by saying this: Our Constitution gives us the right to peaceful protest.  Standing in a rally of someone you don't agree with is peaceful.  Even voicing your opinion is peaceful.  If a candidate can't handle those with different opinions being at their event and is promoting violence as such, please encourage him/her to stop the madness.  Our country will not get better if we don't protect our Constitutional rights.

This Year's Political Circus: Educate Yourself

I've been noticing a disturbing trend when it comes to this year's elections.  First, let me say the following: I think it's amazing that so many people are taking the time to vote this year.  Voter turnout is incredible this year and I'm so glad that people are taking the time to get involved in the political process.  Your vote is your voice.

Now that it's been said, I'm noticing that a whole lot of people are voting without knowing what their candidate really stands for.  Even more disturbing is that people are more concerned with ragging on the other candidates than exploring the pros and cons of their own.  Why is this so disturbing?  It seems that there are many that are more concerned with being part of a crowd than they are truly looking into the issues.  You are voting but you can't tell me what you're truly voting for beyond the campaign slogan.  You're wanting to be part of the trend but you are buying into it without knowing what you're truly spending.

My two cents on the candidates is the following: You should know your candidate, the good and the bad.  Let's be real.... there are pros and cons to each and every one of them.  Instead of ignoring the cons, truly delve into them and make sure that it's something that you would support when everything calms down.  For example (and I'm JUST using this purely as an example), if you are a Trump supporter, look into who and what he has supported in the past.  Look into the way he speaks to people who disagree with him.  Look into his foreign policies in their entirety.  Don't just listen to the sales pitch; truly look into whether or not he has a REAL plan instead of just a bunch of fancy footwork.  If, after looking into all of these things, you are at peace with him, fantastic.  If not, you've educated yourself and realized that your choice was short sighted (again, NOT saying that Trump supporters are short-sighted.  Just a name to put in.)

Whether it's Trump or Hillary or Sanders, people seem to be ignoring their past.  Furthermore, none of the candidates seem to make any excuses for their past.  It's not "Man, I made a mistake and I feel bad."  It's completely turning your head and ignoring it, as if it never happened.  I'm not saying that no one is allowed to make mistakes in their past.  Of course they are.  What I am saying is that (as Dr Phil says) you can't change what you don't acknowledge.  If you supported gun bans in the past and your only words on your "changed opinion" now is that you changed your mind, you aren't giving a very fair explanation of what changed your mind, why you feel this way now or what comfort a voter should take in the fact that you flip flopped with no explanation.  If you participated in illegal activity on an email server and your response is basically to blow people off and roll their eyes when they talk about it, you aren't giving a fair response to your voters.

It's not about my opinions on who is best and who isn't.  What I'm suggesting is just that you investigate thoroughly ALL sides of your candidate and what they support.  Don't just blindly follow the masses.  Really read on it.  I may not agree with who you end up supporting but I will always support and agree with your right to your opinion and I will ecstatically support your choice to vote!

The Story of Heather Zacek: Be Your Best Advocate

http://www.redbookmag.com/body/health-fitness/news/a43148/heather-zacek-breast-cancer-milk-duct/

Please take the time to read this article.  It's about awareness.

Heather Zacek (who happens to have been a good friend of my cousin) was in her 20s and had a baby.  Less than a year after, she discovered a lump.  She went to the doctor and they told her she was "young and healthy" and that it was a clogged milk duct.  This continued for months as she kept returning to the doctor and kept getting blown off and told to take Tylonel for the pain.

She started experiencing liver issues from, what she thought was, the Tylonel.  It turned out that she had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that had spread to her liver.  She died last year.

Her family and friends are spreading the word in order to spread awareness.  It's a senseless tragedy.  No one bothered to do the scans they should have done when the lump was discovered.  She tried desperately to get someone to listen and no one would listen to her.  She had no voice.  It's time to give her a voice and spread awareness.

Please, please, please be your own advocate, ladies.  YOU know your body better than anyone else.  If you KNOW something is wrong, tell a doctor.  If they won't listen, tell another doctor.  Insist, persist and be consistent.  Get the answers you seek.  In the age of Google diagnoses, doctors can occasionally blow off patients who come in "knowing" what's wrong with them.  Don't let them blow you off if you know something is truly wrong.

In honor of Heather Zacek.

Hug a Flu Friend

I've been down for two days with a nasty bug of some type.  Massive headache and inability to get warm started it (three blankets and the fireplace still couldn't keep me warm) along with mild nausea.  Then the nausea got worse....and the vomiting.  Suffice it to say that the mild nausea and mild aches I'm feeling today are a welcome "treat" to how I've been feeling.  It sucked.

I've decided that we should start a new tradition of "Hug a Flu Friend."  It doesn't have to be someone infected with the flu itself.  It can be any illness.  I'm obviously not suggesting you hug them WHILE they're sick but after they've made it through it.  Give them a hug and then bathe yourself in Purel. (Totally kidding.  My thoughts on hand sanitizer are going to be saved for another day).

Seriously, though, if you ARE the flu friend, please allow me to make a few suggestions....

1.  Don't come to work puking unless you have to.  Seriously, just don't.  You're spreading your funk without even realizing it.  You feel miserable and everyone around you is in a proverbial state of panic thinking they will end up with your virus.

2.  Stop trying to drink ginger ale to stop throwing up.  Ginger ale is meant to soothe an upset stomach and, in some cases, won't even do that.  Drink fluids....real fluids.  If you're vomiting, you need the fluids more than the sweet bubbly goodness of a soda.

3.  Please do NOT bring your sick kid to school if it's been less than 24 hours since they've puked.  I'm more inclined to say 48 hours just to be safe.  Realistically no one is safe when you have the "but she hasn't thrown up in three hours and she looks okay."

4.  Sleep!  If you are not forced into working, sleep whenever you can.  Your body uses that sleep to regenerate its energy.

and finally....

5.  Do not infect your friends, if you can help it.  Seriously, stop going out and giving your friends your funk.  You know who you are...the ones who annouce as you're sharing french fries with someone that you just spent the whole night throwing up.  Meanwhile you're friends are wondering how safe it is to go home and drink a bottle of peroxide to cleanse their system of your germs (do NOT drink peroxide, by the way).  Don't be that guy!

My Suggestions for new Hallmark Holidays

I was looking at my social media pages today and saw that people were getting their kids "leprechaun gifts."  In short, they were candy and other gifts that were supposedly from a leprechaun to celebrate St Patrick's day.  A little over a month ago, people were buying Valentine's gifts for their kids too.  My, kids, on the other hand, got the day old 75% clearance Valentine's day from Dollar Tree.  Nothing says "Happy Hallmark Holiday" like 25 cent heart shaped boxes of cheap chocolate.

It seems like there are gifts for everything now.  You have promposals for something that used to be a simple private question.  You have gender reveal parties for something that used to be a pleasant phone call to announce whether you were in need of "pink or blue."  You have push presents for going through labor.  You have elaborate second honeymoons for first anniversaries.  Presents and money a-go-go.  Nothing can be simple anymore.  It must all be fancy or it's unacceptable.  Birthday parties can't just have a birthday banner and cake; they must be held at expensive locations and include $20/pop goody bags to take home.

I wonder, sometimes, where enough will be enough.  It seems like all that it's causing is the need to step up things that used to be special (proposals, baby showers, etc) and put yourself into debt to create some fairy tale event.  Me? I'd be happy with a ring in the middle of my Mellow Mushroom Pizza with a cold beer on the side.  But I digress.....

With all of this said, since we can create reasons to give or get presents, I'd like to suggest a few of my own....

You made it through your colicky baby day This is a day to give the gift of time to the parents that dealt with the colicky baby, making certain to hold and bounce them for hours as they cried.  After all, relaxed parents (such as parents that have had a night out) are happy parents and happy parents help to create happy kids.

You just got peed on by your son for the first time! Let's face it...it happens to almost all of us (though pee pee teepees are helping nowadays).  How about treating the lucky parent to a package of wet wipes.

Your house is finally healthy after all 6 of you had the runs at once If this isn't a reason to celebrate, I don't know what is.

Your teenage daughter just got her period.  Get the daughter what she needs and then treat the parent to some xanax and a set of benadryl blow darts for future menstrual endeavors.

Your kids have all graduated high school and moved out  Hip hip hooray!  Instead of empty nest being a sad thing, let's celebrate that you created healthy, productive kids that finished their schooling and are getting out on their own.

I'm sure there are a million more things to consider for great gift-giving days but these will create a running start.  Set aside the cliche clover-shaped chocolates and celebrate something worth making a big deal over.

(I would like to add, as an end piece, that if you ARE Irish, I get celebrating this day...it's your heritage.  I'm all for that.)

The "Nevers" and the "Always"

Guilty confession: There are times that I want to indulge in a massive giggle-fest at what another parent has yet to endure.  Honestly, it's not often at all.  I'm a firm believer in supporting and and encouraging other parents.  It's almost always a very particular couple of parenting types: the "Nevers" and the "Always."  Allow me to explain.

The "Nevers" are generally parents of very young children, particularly infants.  These parents are the ones that look at your child judgmentally and say, "Well my child will NEVER...."   Fill in the blank here.  Let's be honest; almost everyone THINKS that before they have kids.  My child will never throw a tantrum because I'll reason with them (bahahahahaha, try reasoning with a toddler that wanted the blue sparkly cup instead of the Easter egg cup.  I promise you, I will be a captive audience.)  My child will never ignore their homework (again, bahahahahaha, good luck with that.)  My child will  always help around the house because they love to clean (ummmm suuuuuuure they will; cue the teenage years).  The difference between the average person and the "nevers" is simple: "Nevers" feel the need to loudly and proudly tell you what their child will NEVER do.  "Well my little Apricot will NEVER roll their eyes at me."  Well, how nice, Astrid.  I had no idea you'd be sewing her eyes shut at 11 years old because that is the ONLY way they'll never do it.

The "Always" are similar but not exactly the same.  You see, the "Always" are the group that feel the need to put on a big display for you on why their child is absolutely perfect.  Their child ALWAYS finishes their vegetables and they ALWAYS speak kindly.  "Always" parents are often those of young children or infants, as well.  However, they haven't gotten a real taste of the yummy goodness that is the school aged or (eeeek) teenage years.  The "Always" look at you like you have a third eye when you comment on how you can't WAIT for your kids to return to school from spring break because they're at each others' throats.  The "Always" love to tell you how you're crazy for wanting to have a night out from your kiddos because "she just can't get enough of hers."  Their tone is generally condescending and you almost always feel like you just lost a wet t-shirt contest after talking to them: cold, wet and standing there with people gawking at you.

I know it's terrible.  I do.  I know it's awful to smile knowingly, ready for them to get the godsmack they deserve....and we all know that they will.  Their little Apricot will turn into a toddler that won't eat anything but chicken nuggets who loudly screams and demands "Paw Patrol" episodes on repeat while perfect mommy is reaching for that last shred of sanity.  Then she'll grow into the bossy brat child that gets reprimanded at school shortly before she becomes the teenager who thinks that "nothing is fair."  It's not necessarily a parenting thing on some of these....it's a kid thing.  Kids are kids.  They're going to be obnoxious sometimes and they're going to make you want to pull your hair out at others.  Either way it goes, that yummy satisfaction of watching the other parent who judged you so incessantly will come.

Now here's the caveat.....it never lasts.

For those of us that have been in the trenches of these parenting phases, that moment of satisfaction doesn't last long because we know the struggle.  We smirk for a second and then we open our arms, give them a hug and tell them that "this too shall pass."  We don't do it because they deserve it.  We do it because we're all in this together.  We do it because it's not even worth it to revel in someone else's misfortune.  We do it because we want the "Nevers" and the "Always" to be there for someone else down the road when they get knocked off their pedestal.  So pull up a chair, smirk at the judgmental youngsters and then know that they, too, will join you in the trenches someday.  It may not come with an apology for being judgmental but their exhausted demeanor will be all you need to know they're part of the club.

"Like I Did...."

"Like I Did...." It's a phrase that every parent uses at least once or twice.  "I want them to do (fill in the blank here with activity) like I did."  I completely understand it.  When you're pregnant with your little one, you have this picture in your head.  Maybe you pictured a delicate little girly girl who played with dolls and hated having her hands dirty.  Maybe you pictured a rough and tumble boy who loved baseball and camping.  Maybe you pictured a "tomboy" girl that loved to play sports with you and run around at the park.  Here's the reality: You don't always get what you picture.  In fact, you rarely do.  Children are extraordinarily individual from birth and the girly girl you pictured might well be a little bully of a "tomboy" that will shove anyone out of the way for that doll.  Your rough and tumble boy might prefer arts and crafts to sandboxes and sports.  

It's certainly not some sort of a problem if you don't get what you pictured.  It's a matter of how you handle it.  You may have wanted a sports nut but you got a dancer instead.  That's okay.  Encourage his/her dancing abilities and you may see a passion and talent that you never dreamed of come out in your child.  You may have pictured an artistic superstar and, instead, your little one wants to be a linebacker.  That's okay.  Encourage their sports talents and you may see something beautiful.  Whether they want to be an athlete, artist, musician, scout, cup stacker or whatever their passion may be, there's always an outlet and always a way to encourage them to be passionate about whatever it is that they're interested in.

"But I can build it in them."  This may be true.  If you were a baseball star and you want your child to play baseball, you can start them extremely young and hope that it sticks.  Here's the problem: if it wasn't meant to be, it won't be.  You can push it for as much and as long as you want and they might never develop that passion for the sport.  They will end up feeling resentful that they were forced into doing something.  It's a dangerous gamble to force your kids to try to love what you loved as a child just to get them to do what you did.  

"Well I'm just gonna make them do it for awhile."  Okay, fine.  I'm all for teaching kids to try a variety of things to see what they love.  That said, you walk a fine line forcing things.  Pick your battles.  If your two year old HATES dresses, don't force them into it.  Don't bribe them to wear a dress every day in exchange for TV time, sweets, etc  Believe me, it's not worth the battle down the line.  If your son wants to wear track pants every day, let him do it.  Pick your battles.  Save the slacks for important events.  Try not to bribe them, period.  It hardly ever pays off in the end.

I guess my point in all of this is that your children are individuals.  They need to be encouraged to love what THEY love.  If it's what you loved as well, that's awesome.  If not, set aside your little vision and encourage them in what they enjoy. I promise you it will pay off in spades!

Happy Pi Day

It's Pi Day!  Those of us that embrace our nerd-dom are celebrating by eating pie of whatever type we desire.  This, luckily for me, includes my four geeky kiddos (and, yes, we use the term "geek" in a loving, celebratory way because geeks rule the world).  I have been blessed with four kids that absolutely love math and are incredibly gifted in the math world (for their ages).  I get asked all of the time how I managed to "get my kids to be so smart."  Yeah, I have no answer for that.  We read a lot and I fully believe in teaching them the old fashioned way along with the common core they use in school to be able to choose which way they can resolve things the best.

With all that said, here are the ways I've used to encourage my kiddos to learn more basic math skills (and love it).....

Use Real Life Experiences... So what does this mean?  It means to use real life, daily experiences to help them learn.  Make them count out money to encourage counting by 5's, 10's, quarters, and so on. Make them figure out price per unit once they're old enough.  Discuss different math related "issues" (such as planning parties etc) to help them learn problem solving.  Have them learn about budgets.  Not only will these experiences  help them learn and embrace math in school but it will also teach them important life skills they'll need later on.  Double whammy!

Celebrate their victories Celebrate when they learn to count to 10 or 100.  Celebrate when they learn to add.  Celebrate when they learn all their multiplication facts.  Don't give them a high five for every teeny assignment but, instead, celebrate small victories and goals that they've set.

Don't overthink it Yes, it is important to talk about why a problem was marked wrong on homework.  However, don't overthink it.  Instead of sitting down each night to discuss why their incorrect answers were marked incorrect, discuss similar problems in your free time.  Don't focus so much on needing them to correct their homework.  Focus more on allowing them to understand the CONCEPTS.  You don't need to point out their wrongs to achieve helping them to learn it as they go.

Make it fun Okay, this sounds impossible for so many but it's actually true.  I've done everything from putt putt golf to water balloons and everything in between.  You can turn math into a game and make it fun for them.  Ironically enough my kiddos are actually good at creating their own games as they get older.

Celebrate words like "geek", "nerd", and "dork"  Realistically this applies to all situations, in my opinion.  Before they even hear these words in a teasing manner, redefine these words in their minds. Then, when they're called a "geek," they won't associate it with being self-conscious.  They'll associate it with being brilliant (which in reality is what it truly is).  Make sure that they know that they shouldn't feel bad or ashamed of being intelligent.

and finally.....

Don't be afraid to teach them a different path  In the age of common core, there are kids that struggle to understand math (almost equally as much as they did BEFORE common core, in my opinion).  While I understand that common core had a good intention (to teach a different way to kids that struggle with understanding the old way), it hasn't necessarily delivered on it.  I am blunt with the kids' teachers that I work with them in old methods too and the teachers are very receptive to the fact that they're being taught different ways to try things out (and clearly it's working out okay as they're all advanced).  Don't be afraid to teach them an old-fashioned way to try things out.  Different kids learn different ways and your kids might enjoy and be able to use an old way more.

Whatever your approach, teach your kids, by example, to understand math in an every day way and they'll learn to love it more!  Now go eat some pie!

Girl Sleepovers

After having a sleepover with my tweenager's friends last night, I have to say that I love when there's a group of them over.  Yes there are moments of drama or fussing but there are many more moments of just hilarious silliness.  Girls are funny creatures.  Here are some of my favorite moments....

The Herd  It starts at a young age.  They all travel to the bathroom together.  There is a small stampede down the hall every time one of them needs to pee.

Farting Don't think little girls are immune to farting and burping.  At one point last night, I was informed that one of them "farts like a boss."  Believe me, they aren't as girly as you think.

Giggle-Fest  One of the most resounding sounds during a sleepover with girls is the intense and immense giggle fests that occur over everything.  It warms my heart.

Random silliness "Do you think that body hair makes you like a bear and you stay warmer longer?"  Yes, that kind of silliness.

Smelly feet  I don't know how they do it but girls have feet that are just as smelly as the boys in my house.  It smells like a locker room when they take off their socks to do their pedicures.

Shhhhhhhhhh I tell them to start settling down and every thirty seconds after, I hear, "Shhhhhhhhh".

Marker on your face Yep.  Marker on your face.  If you fall asleep first, you get snore art.

and finally.....

Virtually no sleep  Yep, virtually no sleep at all and they're still on a giggle bender.

I honestly think I'll miss this when they're grown up and out of the house.  These sleepovers are some of the funniest things to experience.

Drama Girls

As I watched my daughter at her sleepover last night, I had to giggle at the possessiveness of her little friends over her.  "Well I was the one that was here all day long, helping to pick stuff up."  "Well I have been at every sleepover since she moved here."  It was as if a competition had been formed on who was the best friend.  It was as if she couldn't have more than one best friend.

I have a hard time being close friends with women. This kind of possessiveness and silliness tends to be why.  I have a difficult time understanding why I can't have more than one best friend, more than one group of close friends or why I have to explain my friendships to other friends.  I have a low tolerance for dramatic interactions that almost all women seem to feel necessary.   I have a low tolerance for women that are catty and bossy with their husbands and everyone else feeling like they can treat their girlfriends the same way.  Women are, often, hard to be friends with.  Apparently it starts very young.

I'm not sure if some of these things come naturally but I can tell you that there are certain things I try to instill in my daughters to prevent them from being a drama girl.....

*Include everyone.  Don't play favorites and don't blow off someone's opinion.  Include them all.

*Do NOT let your friends or anyone else determine who is and isn't allowed to be your friends.  Don't let someone else's opinion of someone decide who you like.

*Don't focus on the negative.  Focus on the positive of who someone is.

*Never use the word "hate" to describe anyone.

*Don't be passive-aggressive.  If there's a problem, take the time to say, "Is there something wrong?"  Don't attack head on and get them defensive, ask them what's up.

*Don't assume that there is something wrong with them.  Again, just ask.

*Just be kind.  Just be a good friend.  Let the girls around you deal with being dramatic.  Be kind and be a good example to those around you.

When My Kids Grow Up

Some parents spend their time, as their kids grow, thinking of what they'll do when they have grandchildren.  Me?  I think about what I'm going to do when they get a place of their own.  I'm compiling a list of the things I intend to do when they get their own apartment or house.  Here are just a few of the items.....

1.  I'm going to come in the door and leave it open.  That's right, I'm leaving the door WIDE open. I might even go in and out 10 or 12 times and make sure it slams shut behind me for good measure.

2.  I'm going to go into the kitchen, stand in front of the refrigerator with the door open and just stare for at least 5 minutes.

3.  After starting at the refrigerator, I'll proceed to open and half-slam all of the cabinets except a few that I'll leave wide open.  I will, then, declare that there is no food in the house!

4.  I will find the Doritos (let's face it, they're my kids so there's gonna be Doritos in the house) and I will eat the entire bag.....in the living room to make sure that there are crumbs left all over.

5.  I will then find the ice cream (again, my kids so there will be ice cream) and eat all but one spoonful and then leave the carton's lid slightly askew just to make sure that tiny bit of ice cream left gets freezer burned.

6.  I will proceed to go into every room of the house and turn on lights.

7.  Shortly after that, I will go into the bathroom, take a shower and step out of the shower drenching wet to make sure that it gets all over the floor.

8.  When I visit my boys, I will also make sure to pee all over their toilet seat.  Apparently this is a sign of love for males. (hahaha)

9.  I will taking a flying leap onto the furniture.

10. Last, but not least, I will take off my socks and make sure to put them anywhere I see fit.  Likely, I'll choose a different spot each time: the folds of the sofa, the corner behind the chair, wherever

The 5 Mom Friends Every Mom Needs

Disclaimer:  Before you read this, please understand I'm not downplaying the importance of family and the role they play in who you are.

When you're young, your friends are your life, essentially.  As you get older, they evolve into those that help you to form your opinions and, to some degree, your identity.  When you become a mom, your friend base can, often, change and evolve again.  You become busier and have more on your plate emotionally, physically and in every other way.  These are the five friends every mom should have once they become a mom......

1.  The Organizer: This might possibly be the mom that has kids older than yours.  It might also be a mom that just realizes that parents need some chill time too.  The organizer always rallies the troops to get you guys to have some time together, even if it means that you're bringing the kids along.  The organizer knows that fellow moms help you keep your sanity.  The organizer knows that hearing that what you're dealing with and feeling is normal is one of the best things you can have as a mom.

2.  The Cheerleader: Often, this IS a mom with older kids.  She knows that you're in the trenches of a specific phase and she wants you to know that this, too, shall pass.  She is always trying to encourage you and let you know that you're doing a great job.  The cheerleader is an essential part of your confidence as a parent because, let's face it, we all doubt ourselves sometimes.

3.  The Party Animal:  This is the mom that always wants to do something "crazy" because she doesn't get out of the house.  Why is this essential?  Because those "crazy" things remind you why you like keeping things low key.

4.  The Grounding Force: This is the mom that reads alot of studies and researches all of the time.  This mom is the rational one who lets you know what your options are for everything.  She's important because she will google, read and research anything you need while you're in the midst of a rash you've never seen on your two year old.

5.  The Shoulder:  This is the mom that you can call in the midst of a crappy day and she will just listen to you.  She won't give you advice.  She won't give you crap over it. She'll just listen.  She loves you unconditionally and she wants to make sure that you can get it all out.  She's your hero in your time of need.

While not everyone is lucky enough to have these five, I wish it for every single mom.  If you don't have them, may they find you and, more importantly, may you be one of these moms for your friends. 

Anxiety and Depression

A couple of years ago, I had to see a counselor.  Let me rephrase that....I chose to see a counselor and continue to see her until she basically said that I'm using the tools she gave me to use and I could call her as needed.  You see, I "suffer" from severe anxiety.  I put that word in quotation marks because "suffering" is relative.  There are so many more that suffer more than I could imagine.  There are ways to treat anxiety if the patients are willing to use them, be that medication for some or coping tools for others (and, I'm sure even more treatments are available).  So you see, "suffer" is a word I don't like to use lightly.  It is not who I am and the coping techniques taught to me, along with the ability to see a panic attack coming on have cut back my anxiety by about 95%.  I still feel concerned about things but I use the techniques to assess the situation and work through it.  It comes naturally, at this point, because it's habit.  I'm thankful to that counselor every single day for teaching me all of these things and for seeing that, for me, it was simple.

I say all of that to say a few things....

1-One of the biggest things I learned in reducing my anxiety was to remove people and situations from my life that make me anxious.  In most cases, this has become relatively simple for  me.  In a few rare instances, though, I didn't even realize how much a person or a situation was stressing me until it resolves itself.  Then, when the person or situation disappears, I feel a huge sense of relief.... it makes me realize that I didn't even see how much anxiety it was causing me.  Your mental health and stressors are always a work in progress.  Know that life is an ever-changing, awesome experience and that using the tools provided by a professional can absolutely help you to get to a point where something that would have stressed you over the top years ago settles in and lets you move on after working at it.

2-You should NEVER be afraid to get help.  Maybe that's a psychiatrist that can prescribe you medicine.  Maybe it's a psychologist or counselor.  Whatever the case may be, you should never ever be afraid to just get the help you need. "But I feel worse when I see a counselor...I feel worse after."  Then you're not seeing the right person for your needs.  Don't be afraid to step up and get the helpp you need for whatever ails you.  It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's nothing to feel self-conscious about.

3- Anxiety, depression and the like are very real conditions.  While I don't suffer from depression personally, I have seen it darken some of my nearest and dearest.  While some have gotten help, others continue to live in the darkness, blaming others for their sadness.  I've lived through thinking that my anxiety is caused by others.  The reality is that you have the tools within you to control your own mental health.  No one else is the cause of your depression or anxiety.  No one situation can control your depression or anxiety.  It has to come from within you.  It is a very real and very scary thing to live through and there are many that have suffered longer and stronger than I ever did with anxiety.  I refer back to #2 on this though....when you're ready to admit there's something going on, get help.  Those that love you are still going to be there when you're done getting help and, frankly, it will change your life.  If you are the friend or relative of someone that needs that help, be there.  Just be there and know that it's very real even if you don't understand it.

Social Media Etiquette

Long ago and far away, there was a world without social media where people actually had to talk. Oh sure, there was still drama but you either decided to work it out or walked away....no social media bull crap involved.  You didn't have to "tell the world."  You kept it between you and whoever was involved.  You talked about what was going on like adults.  And it was wonderful.....

The invention of social media has been a blessing and a curse.  Just like text messaging, it takes the context right out of things.  You can't always tell someone's emotion just by reading.  You think that a clever repost/retweet is what they're living (even if it's just something fun or true they saw and liked). Politics are amplified into knock down throw down arguments. Everything is bigger and more ridiculous.  So, with all of that said, here are my social media manners rules...

1.  Don't do that annoying letters and numbers spelling shit.  1'm s0 h4pp7 or whatever the fuck it is gets really annoying really fast.  I don't want to need a decoder ring to get through your status.  Save the letter/number combos for your password.

2. Limit your "vague" posts to happy shit.  It's one thing to say that you're praying for a friend.  It's quite another to be mopey, vague and attention-seeking.  If you're depressed, seriously, get help.  If you're not and you're just seeking attention, calm the fuck down and talk to someone you love.

3.  Keep your arguments off Facebook.  Debates are fine.  In fact, they're healthy.  If you and Uncle Rufus are fighting over some important family issue, keep it off facebook and twitter.  Delete it and CALL him to talk about what's going on!

4.  For the love of God, ask someone if you're reading something and it seems out of character.  Don't attack them....Let me repeat that for good measure, DON'T attack them and get defensive because chances are that the situation is being misread.  Between autocorrect and just wording things wrong, things can get really misconstrued and you might take a situation that was unintentionally sounding one way and turn it into something else if you come at them like a mama bear protecting her cub.

5.  Finally, most importantly, perhaps, do not, I repeat do NOT assume that anything is about you unless you are directly tagged in it.  Guess what? 99% of the time you're wrong.  It has nothing to do with you.  People post things all of the time and it's not always about their personal life, how they're feeling or what they're going through.  Sometimes a post is just a post.  Assuming shit only make you look like an ass (hence the expression "Assume makes an ass out of u and me".)  It causes all sorts of shit and ends friendships over ridiculousness.  I go back to #4 on this one....if you have a question, ASK....don't attack like a goddamn cheetah on a gazelle, ask a question.

Perhaps if people practiced social media etiquette AND remembered that social media is a TOOL to communicate but not the only way, we'd all be better off.

One final note: If you are one of those people that posts a dramatic "I'm getting off Facebook because it's just too much stress" more than one time a year, seriously just stay off.  If you are letting social media affect your life so much that you are getting stressed over it, you need  to take a step back and get involved in the real world.  Talk to REAL people.  Maybe even get some counseling to figure out why in the world you are allowing an app get you that upset.

**Disclaimer: This is not directed at or toward anyone in any way, shape or form.  This is simply observation on a piece I've been putting together for awhile.

A Million Ways to Be a Great Parent

"There's no way to be a perfect parent but there are about a million ways to be a really great one."

This is sincerely one of my favorite quotes when it comes to parenting.  It's a humbling reminder that there are a million unique ways to parent children and still get incredible results.  I, also, find it to be a great reminder that you shouldn't listen to the critics if you're following your instincts and loving your kids unconditionally. Look, I have opinions on things and they're strong but that doesn't mean that I assume everyone's opinions are just like mine.  I have great friends that parent completely differently; however, their kids are bright, sweet, thriving children with really big hearts.  They're doing what's right for THEIR children and for THEIR family and it may not look like my parenting choices but it works for them!

Okay so brutal honesty: I'm not a co sleeper.  I barely like to share the blankets much less share the bed with any of my writhing, kicking, space-encroaching little munchkins.  I'd love to say that my decision is based on some fantastically accurate study but the fact is that there are studies on both sides of the aisle on this one and I know families that co sleep as well as families that share my feelings on this, both of which have great, thriving children.  I see the convenience when breastfeeding and I have read and understand the research presented for the other side of the argument, even if it's not my personal choice.  This is respectfully understanding that my way is not the only way.

I wasn't one for baby wearing.  Honestly, my biggest reasoning was that I didn't have a comfortable carrier/wrap to wear and I felt like trying to struggle through the back pain after wearing them for a few hours wasn't worth the wearing at all.  If I'm going to look like a gargoyle twisted in pain after trying to wear a bjorn for a few hours, I'm probably not going to be very fun to be around.  However, I have friends that wear their little ones well into toddlerhood and they love it! It's comfortable and both mommy and baby are happy as clams.  I have read and understand the research presented and I think it's a great option for a whole lot of mommies, even if it wasn't my personal choice.  This is respectfully understanding that my way is not the only way. (Side note: If my rapidly growing teens and tweens would like to carry me around all of the time, I wouldn't necessarily be heart broken.  They are getting bigger than me by the minute.)

I didn't exclusively breast feed.  I tried everything the lactation consultant could give me in order to try to increase my milk supply and it just didn't happen.  My very hungry babies (who became very hungry toddlers and are now ravenous teens and tweens) needed more, so I turned to formula.  There are some moms who can't breastfeed and some who simply choose not to.  On the contrary, I have great friends that still breast feed (though not exclusively, obviously) their little ones at 3-4 years old.  Is it something I chose?  Nope.  I'm not even sure I would have chosen it if I could have done it.  Is it something I support them doing?  Absolutely, if it works for their family.  There are studies done that support their choice just as much as those that support mine.  This is respectfully understanding that my way is not the only way.

These are just a few of the issues that come up in parenting debates.  They provide three examples in a slew of thousands of different discussions.  Some of these issues have driven stakes between friendships because of judgmental attitudes.  There are rifts in families because a mother-in-law thinks her son's wife is doing this wrong.  There are rifts because a daughter wants to do things "her way" instead of how her mother did them.  There are moms that seem to believe that if they have a successful high school graduate, they MUST be an expert on all topics under the umbrella of "parenting skills."  Here's the harsh reality: Every child is different, every family is different and the information on parenting is always changing as new studies are done.  No one is an expert...not doctors, not parents of grown children, not moms that read one hundred books a year on how to parent, no one.

So before you start to roll your eyes at that mom posting studies on how baby wearing makes for a happier baby, know that they're doing what's best for their baby and they want to share why they do it.  Before you get judgmental at the mom of teenagers that is pulling her hair out because their daughter's head is spinning while she spits out green pea soup, know that you may someday be in her shoes.  Before you criticize the mom whose son has a pacifier at age four or still takes a bottle in the preschool years, know that the mom you're criticizing is doing what's best for her son and her family.  More than that, know that it's none of your business to judge.  You see, your way is not the only way to parent.  Your choices are not the only right ones and other people making other choices is not going to mean that their child will require therapy.  Chances are that most of these kids will turn out to be bright, vibrant, wonderful adults even if they *gasp* have parents that make the complete opposite choices than you did.

My final thought on this is directed to the know-it-all moms.  You know who you are.  You feel the need to criticize, demoralize and look down your nose at moms that don't agree with you.  You roll your eyes and say that they just don't know what they're talking about.  You use a condescending tone to say, "Oh they'll learn...."  All that they're "learning" is that you're nothing short of a mean girl and you have no right to criticize. All that you're teaching them is that bullying them with some sort of high and mighty attitude and refusing to even read their research with an unbiased attitude is the best way to be.  Stop being an asshole and mind your own damn business.  Stop living in the "good old days" and understand that those were different times and required different parenting.  Your way is not the only way to parent and, chances are, that mom you're criticizing will end up with children that are just as wonderful as yours are in completely unique and wonderful ways....because ultimately that's what we are ALL aiming for: productive, unique, creative, intelligent, wonderful kids that become productive members of society.

Debate Like an Adult

Let us all take a moment to discuss debating as an adult.  If you are a grown up, you should be able to debate as such.  Debating as an adult means presenting facts that you are able to back up with clear-cut evidence from a reliable source.  This is one of the reasons that debating religion can be difficult.  While there is valid historical evidence to back up, let's say, the existence of some Biblical figures or situations, there is not necessarily evidence to back up the miracles described.  That is where the validity of "faith" comes in.  Faith is believing in something that you cannot see; thus, belief in the Bible is based partly on what history proves occurs and partly on believing in a higher power (God) and His ability to provide miracles.  But I digress....

If you can provide clear cut actual scientific evidence (not theory, not guessing) including but not limited to extensive studies done by reliable sources and/or photography, then you have what can be factually referred to as "proof."  Proof is defined as "evidence or argument establishing or helping to establish a fact or the truth of a statement".  The adjective form of proof is defined as "able to withstand something damaging; resistant."  I believe both need to apply in a debate situation.  Proof as evidence or argument establishes a FACT.  It doesn't mean that you are inputting your opinion into it.  It doesn't mean that because you believe a certain way, your biased opinion weighs on the topic.  It means that what is established as proven is FACT.  You can dislike it.  You can be opposed to it.  You can want it to be something else.  What is established as proven is FACT.

Proof in its adjective form, though, is also necessary in a debate.  If your argument is not able to withstand something damaging, it is going to be a losing argument.  If you don't have evidence to support your argument, it will withstand nothing.  If your evidence cannot be researched and found without fault, it will withstand nothing.  In short, if you can look it up on snopes.com and find what is posted, written, etc to be false, you are wasting your time in trying to debate the issue.  It must be able to withstand someone else looking into your fact and showing that it is worthy of merit. (And before you start in on the topic of whether or not snopes.com is valid, you must realize that once you turn your argument into this topic, you are completely voiding your original debate and beginning a new one.)

An adult debate requires that you provide evidence to support your position.  If your evidence is invalid, your argument becomes invalid too.  You can't say that just because something "looks right to you" or is "similar to the truth" that it is the truth.  This is particularly true when you are discussing photographic evidence.  If you are basing your argument on inaccurate depictions of any kind, your perspective is to fact what the National Enquirer is to news.  It's inaccurate and won't be taken seriously.  Period.  If you want to make your argument stronger, find evidence that can be looked up, backed up and shown to be factual....evidence that can be proven.

Now let's cover responses to debate.  When someone presents you actual fact that can be backed up, proven and feet to the fire shown to be true and your response is to tell them that your debate is "close enough", you are essentially completely forfeiting your argument.  You have now turned an adult debate into a children's persuasion piece.  A good portion of the time, the response by someone who has just been proven wrong (and who can't participate in an adult debate) is to name call, launch personal attacks, demoralize by making it seem like the other party just simply doesn't know as much or to make it into a victim situation (as if you are attacking them by providing facts on the matter).  If you have to use one of these responses, you are not presenting a strong debate.  You're acting like a know it all.  It doesn't make you educated to present false evidence and then get angry, hurt, or frustrated when someone proves you wrong.  In fact, it presents the exact opposite image of what you're trying to present.  If you are trying to sway someone to agree with you, you will not achieve this in this manner.

All too often, those that are trying to "educate" people or persuade them to pick a side (particularly in political and social issues) seem to not be able to strongly debate their cause.  When their debate starts to fail, they blame everyone else but themselves.  Many of these people are very opinionated and seem to believe that if they read information from one or two sources that support their opinion, they are the most educated on the topic.  Anyone that believes something different is dumb, a jerk or a million other adjectives that don't apply.  It seems to be an epidemic with the upcoming elections and it's bordering on absurd.

So allow me to close with the following: If you are unable to debate in an adult manner, do the world and favor and just avoid debates at all.  If your "evidence" is that you had a cousin's uncle Remus that told you that, fine. If you want to play victim, super.  Just remember that you are doing nothing for your argument and therefore, driving people further from your cause.  Do yourself a favor and educate yourself fully with a debate that allows you to truly stand up for your cause and will withstand the other side's research.  You will move mountains for your passions when you debate like an adult.

Dear Mom with the Teenage Daughter

Dear Mom with the Teenage Daughter:

You're cooler than you think you are.  I know your daughter is looking at you and telling you how unfair you are.  I know she's rolling her eyes at you and crossing her arms when you tell her "no."  I know she's giving you smart ass remarks for everything and can't seem to say anything nice some days.  Believe me, I know.

I just want you to know that it's going to be okay.  You're going to make it through this. 

I know you're thinking back, remembering when your precious daughter came into this world.  She played with her dolls and sang Disney Princess songs.  She had such a sweet countenance.  Then the hormones kicked in and she became less "Sleeping Beauty" and more "Malificent."  She began breathing fire and started hating everything that you did.

Let me let you in a secret.....you're cooler than you think you are.

As the matter of fact, she's likely desperately trying to avoid admitting that her friends adore you.  It's okay to discipline her.  It's okay to tell her "no."  It's okay that she thinks you're unfair.  It means you're doing your job.  Keep it up mama.  Keep your chin up.

Spend a minute every day giving her a kiss on the top of her head and then prepare yourself for the deep sigh.  It's gonna get better.  She has to move out sometime.

Sincerely,
A Fellow Mom Surviving It

The Right Place At the Right Time

Sometimes God puts you in a strange place for a very good reason.  Today, on my way home, I stopped off at a very unfamiliar dollar store to get my daughter a balloon for her birthday.  It took me a few minutes to decide on balloons, then grab a box of candy and pick a line.  While standing there, with one customer waiting in front of me and one already checking out, I kept feeling God tugging on my heart.  It was moments later that the man checking out realized he didn't have enough money to pay for his order.  The cashier was puzzled and asked the only other cashier in the store for help.  This man was now publicly being shown to not have enough money for his order.  (I don't blame the cashier as she wasn't sure how to void out so many items).  She asked those of us left in line to go to the other line and apologized.  They had to wait on a manager to get back from break.  Meanwhile, this poor customer was apologizing over and over.  Anyone looking at him could tell how embarrassed he was and that he was struggling.  I could feel God tugging at my heart even harder. 

I walked over to the cashier and discreetly asked if I could cover the rest of his order.  He paid what he could and I took care of the rest for him.  His exact words were, "See, God still puts angels on earth."  The cashier said, "God bless you."  All I could say was, "No God bless YOU, my friend.  We all have hard times.  I'll be praying for you." 

I was moved to tears when I left that store: tears for this poor man, tears for the cashier who had no idea how to handle it and was doing her best to make him feel like his situation was going to be okay, tears for those around that were looking down on this gentleman, but most of all tears of thankfulness for God giving me this opportunity.  I only wished I could do more.  I could only cry and thank God for giving me this gift.

I tell you this not to get some sort of praise or pat on the back.  In fact, I want NONE of that.  I tell you this to give glory to God for providing this man with the help he needed through me.  I tell you this to give glory to God for providing me an opportunity to be shown just how great God is and be reminded of how He speaks to us daily and not to ignore it.  I tell you this because I truly believe that God puts us in places and circumstances for a reason and that, no matter how small or dull it may seem, if you listen to His heart-speak, you will be completely overcome.  You see, I'm not an angel but to this man, it was the simplest way to express God's work being done through a stranger.  I didn't do anything wonderful or even good....it was all God's hand.  I was just a vessel.

Watch for opportunities to glorify God, friends.  It might be something small to you but to someone else, it may mean the world.  For someone else, it might be what reminds them in a very hard time that God is right there with them.

You can Never Be Too Kind

My sunny, funny daughter celebrates her birthday today.  The kid can light up a room just by walking in.  She's literally been that way since the moment she was born.  It's a force that I don't know if I'll ever understand but it's a blessing to be a part of.  One of the biggest things that she represents daily is that everyone deserves to know that they're special.  Her explanation?  I always tell all of them (my kids) how special they are and it makes her feel wonderful so she wants to pass it on to everyone else.  My explanation?  It's just who she is.  God made her with a heart to just love people.

So today I decided to celebrate what she represents.  Everyone deserves to feel special.  When was the last time you took the time to let those you love know that you appreciate them?  On a daily basis, it's something I have a passion for doing this and it's something that my daughter shares.  There is something to be said for just telling someone how much you are thankful for the things that they do for you daily.  It might be something really small.  It might be huge things that they complete daily.  Regardless, it's always a great idea to let someone know that you recognize their efforts and that it means a lot to you.

Now, when was the last time you told someone random how special they are?  Maybe they're not a close friend but you can see they're having a rough day.  Maybe you see they're struggling with self esteem.  Maybe you just think they need a boost.  Maybe there's no reason at all.  It can completely change the course of someone's day to hear how special they are and how much they bring to the world.  It can encourage them, touch their heart, and give them motivation to keep plugging away even if times are hard.  You see, this is what my daughter (and I) truly believe in life...you can never be too kind.

I can't wait to see the things that my daughter achieves in her life and what she chooses to do with this great love and encouraging spirit within her.  The one thing I know for sure is that she is definitely an amazing little girl and I'm thankful for her every single day

I'm SO glad my child doesn't do that

I think every parent knows that one parent that puts off the vibe that their child is flawless.  Sometimes they're uppity parents that are just trying to get by and other times there are other reasons. It's almost ridiculous actually.

"Well I'm SO glad MY daughter doesn't do that."

Congratulations.....you just asked God to show you His sense of humor.  If your daughter doesn't do it, your son now will.

Look, hormones do funny things to kids.  Your normally sweet, loving, kind child will suddenly become mouthy and defiant.  No one is completely immune.  Seriously, no one.  Christians love to tout that their weekly trips to church and the youth groups their kids are involved in keep their children from having attitudes or talking back.  Ironically even the BIBLE talks about defiant children. It's been going on since the beginning of time, folks.  You're not immune.  Can you keep your kids in line?  Absolutely.  Does church help?  Well that probably depends on your church.  I'd say that being around positive influence anywhere helps so probably, yes.

Not only do hormones come into play but some kids are just moody, in general.  You may have a happy-go-lucky, easy-going sweet son or daughter that gives you very little attitude.  On the other hand, you may have a child that is just more moody from the start.  It doesn't make your child a brat because they are naturally a bit more inclined to grouchiness. 

The important part of this is that, as a parent, we shouldn't be playing the comparison game, PERIOD.  You shouldn't be comparing your children to each other (developmentally, behaviorally or otherwise) and you DEFINITELY shouldn't be making other parents feel self-conscious over challenges they're facing.  You may be "so glad" that your son doesn't get an attitude or "so glad" that your daughter doesn't get moody or "so glad" that your toddler doesn't throw tantrums and that's great.  What ISN'T great is getting an attitude toward other parents who might be facing the struggles, further alienating them as they try to do their best as a parent.

I guess the best way to sum this up is in the words of Flower from "Bambi" : "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." 

Political Bullies

Many, many years ago, there was an unwritten rule that you don't talk religion or politics with family or close friends.  It seems that this the popularity of social media has completely blown this unwritten rule out of the water.  Not only do we constantly TALK about it but some have the idea that if they post something to their page, they are immune to discussion on the topic.  Even worse, some feel that if a friend or family member likes a different political candidate or practices a different religion (or no religion at all) that they simply cannot exist in such a parallel.  They are pushy, rude and belittling if you don't agree with their candidate.  If your opinion differs, you must be an idiot.  The same exists for those that say, "You can't be a good Christian if you do/don't do....." This post is directed at these people.  This post is just a friendly post of advice.

First of all, let me say this: I love your passion.  It's so hard to find people with real true passion for something important anymore instead of passion for "The Walking Dead" (which, by the way, is an incredible show).  I admire your desire to want to change the world with whatever it is that you love and choose to represent.  I admire your dedication to representing a cause.  I admire all of these things because it makes you an individual.  It makes you who you are and I love that we all get a change to be unique and wonderful with so much variety in our beautiful world.  I love the fact that our founding fathers believed the same.  They believed that we can all love different things and believe different things and we can still be united in wanting our country to be great.  I still believe this today. 

Freedom of speech, often, seems an invitation to just say whatever dumbass thing pops out of one's mouth.  Ironically enough, I still believe in freedom of speech.  I don't have to agree with Kanye West (and, most of the time, I don't) but I support his right to say it.  I don't have to desire to listen to Hillary Clinton but I support her right to represent what she believes in.  I believe in the Constitution and I believe in the way that the founding fathers chose to set up a way to modify it.  It's not that they never thought that rules or ideas would evolve.  They knew that they would.  What they ALSO knew was that it was necessary to put a chain of events into effect to modify the Constitution where needed....to create new amendments. 

So you see, I support your right to say whatever it is that you desire about your political candidate or your religion (or lack thereof).  On a personal level, however, I think you're acting like a real schmuck.  On a managerial level, I can't understand why you think bullying people will cause anyone to jump over to your cause.  It's as if you think that if you post enough negative bull crap about another candidate or enough memes on why God must not exist, you will somehow sway the opinions of those around you.  It's either that or you're just trying to get a rise out of people.  I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, though. 

Let me give you a little nugget to munch on here.... what if someone believed something different from you and that was okay?  What if you could support Ted Cruz and she could support Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders and that was okay?  What if you could believe that no God exists and someone else could believe in God and another could believe in Buddhist practices and that was okay too?  What if we could be allowed to be individuals and still be "right" in our own practices?  What if, instead of belittling, bullying and obnoxiously pushing people to believe what you believe, you could listen to their point of view and appreciate what it is that they love about their religion or their political candidate?  What if it was okay for us to be different?

You see, the reason that generations before us made the unwritten rule was because they knew that what is happening right now would happen.  Rather than turn against each other over our differences, they wanted to remain united as a nation and as friends/family.  Our elders were so much more intelligent than our current generations and we just don't seem to see it.  Our grandparents and great grandparents had more insight than every psychological study can give right now just by observing what was going on around them.  It wasn't just an effort to be polite, it was an effort to not cause unnecessary arguments.  It was the wisdom to know that sometimes it's  not worth it to cause a hubbub.  It was the knowledge that bullying never achieves true change.

With all of that said, if you're truly interested in "educating people" on your beliefs (be it political or religious), try something new.  Listen to them explain why they like their candidate or why they believe what they believe religiously.  Then DO NOT give them negative facts about their beliefs.  Instead, tell them the positives of why you love your candidate or why you believe a particular religious belief.  Instead of putting them down, give them something to think about.  The expression "you get more flies with honey than vinegar" is definitely true.  Use "honey."  Let them decide on their own with facts that you provide to inspire them to educate themselves.  They may not end up agreeing with you or changing their mind on what they think but they have the information now to look into things further. 

In short, stop telling your kids not to bully in school and then bullying others with your beliefs.  Variety is the spice of life and an overpowering spice just makes the dish taste like crap.