Stop Trying to Be Their Friends

I've noticed, recently, that some of the most entitled bratty children come from parents with the best of intentions.  It's not that the parents are flippant and inattentive; quite the contrary, they're involved parents.  It's not that the parents are uneducated or uncaring.  In actuality, education has nothing to do with it and they care about and love their children just as every other parent does.  It's not that the kids aren't socialized; most of the time, they're just as socialized as other kids.

What causes bratty kids then?

I'm not a psychologist and I strictly work on observation and experience but I believe that too many parents are concerned with political correctness, being their child's friend, and wanting to protect their little munchkin.  Before you jump to a conclusion that I assume all of these are all bad, they're not. Allow me to give an example:  Little Johnny is playing with Little Billy on a playdate at Billy's house.  Johnny picks up a toy and starts to play with it.  Enraged that someone would possibly touch his toy, Billy goes over and snatches the toy from Johnny.  Billy's in the wrong, right?  Well not to Billy's mom.  Billy's mom goes over to explain to Johnny why Billy just wanted his toy and Johnny can have a turn after.  Sounds crazy, right?  It happens all of the time.

You see, Mommy is too concerned with the fact that she doesn't want to hear little Billy cry.  Mommy doesn't want to believe that little Billy might be a brat.  Instead, she wants to explain away little Billy's behavior and rationalize it so that she feels better about her parenting.  Here's the thing....little Billy's gonna grow up thinking that's okay.  Then, little Billy's gonna get into high school and act like a jerk, get in trouble and Mommy will bail him out again.  Then Billy's gonna go into college, do stupid things and act jerky and Mommy will bail him out.  Mommy will spend her entire life bailing out her son that everyone knows is a jerk to begin with.  Mommy didn't achieve anything except teaching her kid to be a dick.

No, I'm not politically correct.

We, as parents, have got to stop worrying so much about making our kids mad.  Instead, we've got to teach them how to deal with it when they get mad.  Are they gonna be mad that you're making them share?  Of course.  Does that mean they don't have to learn to take turns?  Of course not!  They need to learn how to deal with their emotions.  They need to learn basic life skills, even (age appropriately) as toddlers.  They need to learn that Mommy isn't going to bail them out when they act a-fool.  Mommy is going to appropriately discipline them.  

Mommies and Daddies, prepare yourself because you're not gonna like this:  Stop coddling your brats!  Your child's temper tantrum is a rite of passage but it doesn't mean it's acceptable behavior.  What's even less acceptable is your response.  You don't get to make the victim of your child's attacks feel bad for doing what's right.  You don't get to explain away your child's mean, screaming , hitting fit as someone else's fault.  You see, toddlers are still learning to control their emotions.  They need to be taught.  You need to learn that you're just creating a monster....a very big, ugly, green monster.  Someday that monster will get bigger and scarier and it'll be too late for you to slay the monster on your own.

Don't be afraid to hear him cry because he's frustrated.  Teach him how to cope with that emotion.  Don't be afraid to take him away from the situation when he's hitting someone else because he's frustrated.  Move him away and let him know that physical violence is not the answer.  Don't explain it away, TEACH.  Don't be afraid to let him fuss and whine because he doesn't want to wait to take a turn.  Teach him how to handle it.  Don't be afraid of what your neighbors will think if they see your kid throwing a fit.  Be a parent.  Stop worrying about being politically correct and worry about being correct, period.  Raise your kids.  Stop letting them raise you.

Look, we're all in this together. If you need help, ask.  Just stop thinking that those of us that are raising our kids to be productive, kind, high functioning members of society should bow down to your little Prince of Darkness.

(And, in case there was any confusion, I am not referring to children with developmental disabilities here.  There is a vast difference between a child having a meltdown due to sensory issues, etc than a child that is throwing a fit because someone is playing with his He-Man action figure.)