School supply shopping for four kids can be a real hand full but I got it done on a relatively good budget. Here are some of the deals I stumbled across that might help you....
Amazon: I am not a fan of cheap backpacks that only last a year. I've paid my dues with the annually purchased character backpacks that have holes and broken straps by the third quarter of the year. I need something tough and durable. I've changed over to spending a bit more to buy a new one every few years (or as needed). This year, Amazon has had a great sale on a good number of backpacks. It is of note to say that if you're child is a picky fashionista, this may or may not be a good option. However, I was able to provide several different color options and purchase an Eastsport backpack for under $20 that had great reviews and could easily move through the elementary to middle school (or even high school) transition without looking "too babyish."
Staples: If you ARE buying a backpack in person, Staples has some great options AND you get 25% off of your school supplies if you buy your backpack there. The durable ones were around $40+ and their character backpacks were very reasonably priced. Here are some other deals
Wood Rulers $.25
Filler paper (Staples wide ruled and college ruled) $.75
Staples composition books $.50
Staples RULED index cards (of note because there is a better deal on unlined elsewhere) $.48
Wescott 12" acrylic ruler (if you must have a see-through one) $1
BIC Comfort grip pens 12 pack (black) $1
Staples brand 4 oz glue $.50
2 pocket folder with fasteners $.17
It's of note that Staples will not only price match but give you 110% price match.
Office Max/Office Depot: I love these guys because of their penny items. My particular penny items included unlined note cards and 2 pocket folders. These items are only a penny with a $5 purchase AND they are limited quantities (usually 10). Other deals worth mentioning.....
This week only: Pink eraser 3 pack $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Composition books $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Elmer's 4 oz school glue $.01 with $5.00 purchase
BIC 12 pack of stic pens $.25
Crayola brand markers 8 count $.25
Keep an eye on the ads because the penny items change weekly and it's a great way to tackle some of those more expensive items.
Walmart: It is of note that you can price match any major competitor at Walmart. You may tick off the person behind you in line (and possibly the cashier) but you can. My suggestion is to bring the ads with you (or have them ready on your phone but this is less convenient) and have the items circled for quick access....
One subject notebooks $.17
2 pack pink erasers $.48
24 pack of Cra Z Art crayons $.25
1 inch binders in various colors $.99
I did find dividers back in the office section for $.48 (5 pack) but they sell out fast and you might need to ask about them. Otherwise $.88 dividers
4 pack Kleenex facial tissue $3.48
I have the ability to jump between stores (as they are all close by). I have heard that Target has some great deals as well. Keep your eye on the paper as many have coupons on pens, etc and you can get your pens at an even greater discount. School supply shopping can be done on the cheap but it requires planning and careful execution (and often spreading it out over the course of several weeks to get the best deals).
Happy Hunting Denverites
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Review of the Dragon Boat Festival at Sloane's Lake
I attended the Dragon Boat Festival for the first time on Saturday. While we were only there for about 2.5 hours, I feel like I can give a relatively complete review on what I saw while I saw there. Here goes.....
Parking: I started with this because, well, it's the first thing you have to do. This was, perhaps, my only complaint. Parking was atrocious. Now I'd like to make a few points about it, though. 1-After we got in, we found out we could have gone to Sports Authority Field and shuttled in. I feel like this could have been better advertised but have a feeling that this would have made the parking situation more doable. 2-It's a festival and parking is expected to be wonky. 3-We went on a Saturday afternoon when, I'm guessing, there was a peak number of people. With that said, I think there should be handicapped options available (or better advertised if they already are). I'm betting if we'd have gotten there first thing in the morning, there would have been more available parking.
Staff: All of the staff that we encountered were great. It was watched over carefully by the police and security. There was a first aid tent that was located in a convenient location. No complaints, for sure.
Food/Drink: I have to say, this was one of the widest varieties I've seen at an event recently. They passed on some of the traditional carnival/fair food to have a more complete array of appetizing food. There were still funnel cakes and berry kabobs but there was also chicken teriyaki and wobbly coconut drinks. The food is still "fair" prices, though, so bring your pocketbook...and bring cash.
Vendors: I was actually pretty impressed with the level of merchandise they had. Instead of it just being tent after tent of Mary Kay, essential oils sold from home, and other work from home businesses, there were many hand made and unique options. There was a massage tent as well as some tents from Denver's Fox channel and Comedy 103.5.
Entertainment: We got to watch only a portion of the entertainment but it was definitely very neat. The martial arts demonstrations were incredible. The dragon "dances" (as I don't know what they're called) were absolutely amazing to watch. It was a tiny step into a beautiful culture.
Favorites.....
Disciples of Funk were one of my favorites. They were energetic and had so much pop in their step. As a dancer, myself, I love to watch performances and their creativity and funk were enough to get everyone's attention. We were able to watch their performance of dances through the 80s and 90s. The neatest part was that they would show the dances (for those that didn't know how) and encouraged people to join in! Here is a link to their facebook page: Disciples of Funk
My other favorite was the AARP lip sync/karaoke tent. We stood outside this tent over and over singing along with "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Shake it Off", "Let it Go" and other memorable tunes. It was a fun and goofy way to entertain a crowd!
Recommendations: Come early for good parking. Bring cash as most of the vendors don't accept credit cards (at least the ones we visited). Sunscreen, Sunscreen, Sunscreen! (I can't stress this enough with the Denver sun and hot weather) Either bring a parasol/umbrella or find shade regularly and STAY HYDRATED! Have fun!
Parking: I started with this because, well, it's the first thing you have to do. This was, perhaps, my only complaint. Parking was atrocious. Now I'd like to make a few points about it, though. 1-After we got in, we found out we could have gone to Sports Authority Field and shuttled in. I feel like this could have been better advertised but have a feeling that this would have made the parking situation more doable. 2-It's a festival and parking is expected to be wonky. 3-We went on a Saturday afternoon when, I'm guessing, there was a peak number of people. With that said, I think there should be handicapped options available (or better advertised if they already are). I'm betting if we'd have gotten there first thing in the morning, there would have been more available parking.
Staff: All of the staff that we encountered were great. It was watched over carefully by the police and security. There was a first aid tent that was located in a convenient location. No complaints, for sure.
Food/Drink: I have to say, this was one of the widest varieties I've seen at an event recently. They passed on some of the traditional carnival/fair food to have a more complete array of appetizing food. There were still funnel cakes and berry kabobs but there was also chicken teriyaki and wobbly coconut drinks. The food is still "fair" prices, though, so bring your pocketbook...and bring cash.
Vendors: I was actually pretty impressed with the level of merchandise they had. Instead of it just being tent after tent of Mary Kay, essential oils sold from home, and other work from home businesses, there were many hand made and unique options. There was a massage tent as well as some tents from Denver's Fox channel and Comedy 103.5.
Entertainment: We got to watch only a portion of the entertainment but it was definitely very neat. The martial arts demonstrations were incredible. The dragon "dances" (as I don't know what they're called) were absolutely amazing to watch. It was a tiny step into a beautiful culture.
Favorites.....
Disciples of Funk were one of my favorites. They were energetic and had so much pop in their step. As a dancer, myself, I love to watch performances and their creativity and funk were enough to get everyone's attention. We were able to watch their performance of dances through the 80s and 90s. The neatest part was that they would show the dances (for those that didn't know how) and encouraged people to join in! Here is a link to their facebook page: Disciples of Funk
My other favorite was the AARP lip sync/karaoke tent. We stood outside this tent over and over singing along with "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Shake it Off", "Let it Go" and other memorable tunes. It was a fun and goofy way to entertain a crowd!
Recommendations: Come early for good parking. Bring cash as most of the vendors don't accept credit cards (at least the ones we visited). Sunscreen, Sunscreen, Sunscreen! (I can't stress this enough with the Denver sun and hot weather) Either bring a parasol/umbrella or find shade regularly and STAY HYDRATED! Have fun!
Friday, July 29, 2016
Teaching Kids About Fairness
"The only time you should look in someone else's bowl is to make sure they have enough."
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Unrealistic Expectations
I develop a tick every time I hear a mom talking about how the tooth fairy is "so expensive." I really do. Just yesterday, I heard, "Well I gave my son $10 for his first tooth and $5 for every tooth thereafter." I hear jokes about inflation. I hear jokes about how 25 cents is nothing to a kid any more. But it's not funny and I'll tell you why....
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Oh sure, sure. Tell me how it doesn't matter when they're that young. Tell me how it's not that big of a deal. Of course it's not. It's just a small snowball in a snowstorm. Unfortunately, pile a bunch of those "small snowballs" together and you create a very large one that rolls downhill and causes an avalanche. It truly is something you need to consider.
When you set your kid's expectations at a high level at a very young age, it seems harmless. For instance, when you buy your 5 year old an I Pad for their birthday, it seems like it's not that big of a deal. You tell yourself it's for educational purposes and you promise they'll use it for JUST that. A month later, they're playing "Angry Birds" all day long. But that's not the problem. The real problem is when their next birthday comes around and they want another super expensive toy. You poo-poo on the idea and their response is, "Well how come I got an I Pad for last birthday but you won't get me a cell phone for this birthday?" The cycle continues and they're expecting a brand new sports car for their 16th birthday and a down payment on a house for their 18th birthday. It seriously doesn't stop. What seems like a small snowball builds....
When you set your kids expectations high on the tooth fairy, it seems harmless. I mean, it's only $5 right. Let's just leave out the kids whose parents can't afford to pay $5/tooth who are now wondering what's wrong with them and why the tooth fairy pays less for their teeth because that's a whole different argument. Let's simply discuss how the tooth fairy saga will continue. Your five year old gets paid $10 for their first tooth and $5 for the second. Their birthday comes around and Great Aunt Edna gives them $5 in their birthday card. Now that's a lot for Great Aunt Edna that lives on a fixed income but guess what your five year old thinks: "Man, Great Aunt Edna ONLY gave me $5. " Now you want to teach your kid responsibility. You make a chore chart and tell them they'll get an allowance. What kind of allowance? Well it can't be $5 because they get that JUST for losing teeth. Now you're paying your kid $10-$20 to make their bed and clear the table. It's a vicious cycle. What seems like a small snowball builds.....
You can give me a speech on how I'm exaggerating and I accept your opinion, wholeheartedly. Let me know ten years from now, though, how it turned out. And please, please, please spare me the "I don't know how my kid got such an entitled little attitude" speech down the line....I tried to warn you about the avalanche before it began.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Police
Now that I'm all caught up on my blogging, I'm going to talk to you about something that I find to be rather important..... the planned assault on police officers that seems to be taking place. This isn't about black lives matter or white lives matter or latino lives matter or anything else. I do believe that all lives matter. I do believe that there are a whole lot of televised/youtubed videos that don't show the whole story. This is all a topic for another, much longer discussion.
What I'm talking about today is planned assaults on police officers. It is NEVER okay. Do I believe there are probably "bad" police officers? Yes. I believe that there are "bad" people in nearly every profession on the planet. There are "bad" priests that assault children but the majority of priests are good men. There are "bad" teachers that assault children but the majority of teachers are good people. There are "bad" businessmen, trash men, waiters, managers, doctors, dentists, nannies, veterinarians, celebrities, athletes and everything else on the planet but the MAJORITY are not bad people. The myth that all police officers are bad is misleading and just plain wrong.
If you had any clue what most of these officers dealt with on a daily basis, you'd be amazed at how much they can endure. If you understood what they dealt with, you'd know that it is in their training and experience to be extremely cautious. The vast majority of times (and you can google REAL statistics to see this), if you simply follow what an officer says to do, nothing out of the ordinary will take place. I cannot stress enough the importance of the first part of that, though..... follow what the officer says. Police men and women deal with some truly terrible people. You may not mean anything by reaching for your pocket but they may have had someone an hour before that "innocently" reach for their pocket and draw a weapon. You see, what you think is nothing can often be a very big "something." Listen to their directions. It's that simple.
If you are one of the people planning an assault on an officer, I'd like to ask you the following: why? Are you basing your anger on lies? Are you truly looking at the situations or are you just feeding into the media hype? I say this all the time and I will say it again: educate yourself. Truly read from all sources and learn. Don't just read from one site or one book; read from an abundance of sources and perspectives. You'll learn that the media is just there for ratings.
To the police men and women out there, I'd like to say the following: Thank you. Thank you for your service to our community. Thank you for shielding victims. Thank you for running toward danger when the rest of us are running away. Thank you for being at the car accident. Thank you for helping that abuse victim. Thank you for everything that you do to keep our community safe.
What I'm talking about today is planned assaults on police officers. It is NEVER okay. Do I believe there are probably "bad" police officers? Yes. I believe that there are "bad" people in nearly every profession on the planet. There are "bad" priests that assault children but the majority of priests are good men. There are "bad" teachers that assault children but the majority of teachers are good people. There are "bad" businessmen, trash men, waiters, managers, doctors, dentists, nannies, veterinarians, celebrities, athletes and everything else on the planet but the MAJORITY are not bad people. The myth that all police officers are bad is misleading and just plain wrong.
If you had any clue what most of these officers dealt with on a daily basis, you'd be amazed at how much they can endure. If you understood what they dealt with, you'd know that it is in their training and experience to be extremely cautious. The vast majority of times (and you can google REAL statistics to see this), if you simply follow what an officer says to do, nothing out of the ordinary will take place. I cannot stress enough the importance of the first part of that, though..... follow what the officer says. Police men and women deal with some truly terrible people. You may not mean anything by reaching for your pocket but they may have had someone an hour before that "innocently" reach for their pocket and draw a weapon. You see, what you think is nothing can often be a very big "something." Listen to their directions. It's that simple.
If you are one of the people planning an assault on an officer, I'd like to ask you the following: why? Are you basing your anger on lies? Are you truly looking at the situations or are you just feeding into the media hype? I say this all the time and I will say it again: educate yourself. Truly read from all sources and learn. Don't just read from one site or one book; read from an abundance of sources and perspectives. You'll learn that the media is just there for ratings.
To the police men and women out there, I'd like to say the following: Thank you. Thank you for your service to our community. Thank you for shielding victims. Thank you for running toward danger when the rest of us are running away. Thank you for being at the car accident. Thank you for helping that abuse victim. Thank you for everything that you do to keep our community safe.
A Small List of Things You Don't Have to Provide Your Children
As it seems that people are confused about what they "have" to provide to their children, I am going to provide you with a brief list of things you do NOT have to provide to your kids. I'd like to light the way on the path of truth and understanding on this topic that seems to be befuddling to some.
1. A car when they turn 16.
2. A down payment on their first home
3. A cell phone
4. A cell phone plan
5. An Ipad or comparable tablet
6. Designer shoes
7. Designer clothes
8. Unearned allowance (i.e. money they're given without chores being done)
9. Allowance of ANY kind
10. A TV in their bedroom
11. A TV in your car to entertain them while you drive
12. Your phone to watch when they're out and you need to entertain them
13. Your phone to watch at home
14. Happy Meals
15. Professionally done nails
16. An entire play room of toys
17. Every single day after school activities
18. Name brand cereal
19. Tickets to opening weekend of every single movie that comes out
20. ANYTHING when a tantrum is done to get it.
This is just a start but you get the idea. Your children are not entitled to these things. In fact, you are just encouraging the entitlement attitude when you give in to their every whim because you don't want to hear them cry. You are not REQUIRED to give them any of these things. Should you choose to do so, fine but please don't feel pressured.
Stop Trashing the Parks
To anyone that attends public parks, state parks and national parks:
I am by no means an avid environmentalist. However, I am disgusted by the amount of trash people feel okay with leaving in parks. It's one thing to throw an apple core down (though you need to remember that leaving your food around makes the animals think that's a feeding zone). I can cope with that because it's, at least, biodegradable and not directly harmful to the environment. Want to spit out your sesame seed casings on the ground while you hike? Fine. Again, not directly harmful to the environment.
What I do NOT accept is trashing the parks. While fishing the other day, I cleaned up an entire bag of trash left in one little space. Did I plan to do that? No. When I saw the space, though, it killed me. Not only did people leave their wrappers, cans and big gulp cups out there but there were also diapers and wipes. Seriously. If you need to change a diaper while you are at a park, walk your happy ass to a trash can and THROW IT AWAY.
The parks are NOT your personal trash can. Stop trashing them!
If you don't have the sense of common decency to clean up after yourself, then stay out of the parks. If you can't fish without leaving behind a full trash bag of crap, don't fish. If you can't take your child to a park without leaving your diapers laying around, don't go. If you can't hike without throwing your trash out as you go, don't hike.
Be respectful of the state in which you live and stop being a punk!
End of rant.
I am by no means an avid environmentalist. However, I am disgusted by the amount of trash people feel okay with leaving in parks. It's one thing to throw an apple core down (though you need to remember that leaving your food around makes the animals think that's a feeding zone). I can cope with that because it's, at least, biodegradable and not directly harmful to the environment. Want to spit out your sesame seed casings on the ground while you hike? Fine. Again, not directly harmful to the environment.
What I do NOT accept is trashing the parks. While fishing the other day, I cleaned up an entire bag of trash left in one little space. Did I plan to do that? No. When I saw the space, though, it killed me. Not only did people leave their wrappers, cans and big gulp cups out there but there were also diapers and wipes. Seriously. If you need to change a diaper while you are at a park, walk your happy ass to a trash can and THROW IT AWAY.
The parks are NOT your personal trash can. Stop trashing them!
If you don't have the sense of common decency to clean up after yourself, then stay out of the parks. If you can't fish without leaving behind a full trash bag of crap, don't fish. If you can't take your child to a park without leaving your diapers laying around, don't go. If you can't hike without throwing your trash out as you go, don't hike.
Be respectful of the state in which you live and stop being a punk!
End of rant.
Return of the Dreads
I recently attended the "Return of the Dreads" concert with Korn and Rob Zombie (with In This Moment opening) at Fiddlers Green Amphitheatre. Overall, it was an incredible show. Unfortunately, due to crummy weather for awhile, In This Moment had to cancel their part. I am completely and totally bummed. I payed for a ticket for all three bands and I was really looking forward to hearing them play. Instead, due to noise ordinances and lightning rules, we were forced to evacuate the amphitheatre (which was really crappy considering we had used the light rail to get in so we couldn't "return to our cars"). I'm hoping that In This Moment will rebook and allow those of us that actually payed to hear them play get into the next show free or at a discounted rate.
Now with the good stuff.....
Korn put on an incredible show. I've been a fan since their start and they didn't disappoint at all. They did a great combination of old favorites and new stuff. They rocked the place even harder than I expected and I couldn't hide how impressed I was with the whole thing.
Rob Zombie matched pound for pound. His stage was bonkers and man that boy can dance! He rocked the oldies but goodies and the new stuff. He showed off his mad guitar skills and even walked out through the crowd.
Hands down favorite moment: When Rob Zombie told everyone to "put down their f***ing phones"! Preach! I literally did not take a single picture while the show was going on...why? Because I'd rather watch the show in person than through a phone screen. You literally looked around and it was a sea of cell phones. Enjoy the experience, people!
I firmly recommend this show to anyone that has a chance to attend!
Note to Denver RTD: Perhaps when events are going on, you should consider looking into more frequent light rails going back through. Seriously.
Now with the good stuff.....
Korn put on an incredible show. I've been a fan since their start and they didn't disappoint at all. They did a great combination of old favorites and new stuff. They rocked the place even harder than I expected and I couldn't hide how impressed I was with the whole thing.
Rob Zombie matched pound for pound. His stage was bonkers and man that boy can dance! He rocked the oldies but goodies and the new stuff. He showed off his mad guitar skills and even walked out through the crowd.
Hands down favorite moment: When Rob Zombie told everyone to "put down their f***ing phones"! Preach! I literally did not take a single picture while the show was going on...why? Because I'd rather watch the show in person than through a phone screen. You literally looked around and it was a sea of cell phones. Enjoy the experience, people!
I firmly recommend this show to anyone that has a chance to attend!
Note to Denver RTD: Perhaps when events are going on, you should consider looking into more frequent light rails going back through. Seriously.
Review of the Lavender Festival at Chatfield Botanic Gardens
I attended the Lavender Festival at Chatfield Botanic Gardens with some friends. I have a brief review to share for locals that are desiring to attend. Of course, these are just my opinions:
Flowers: The garden itself is beautiful and was in full bloom. The pathways were pleasing and easy to navigate. The variety of flora was beautifully blended and well cared for.
Booths: While there wasn't an enormous variety of booths to explore, there were several that had neat products to explore. My particular favorite was a Palisade Peach booth that were selling beautiful peaches at a steal!
Food: There were plenty of food vendors and several nice tables set up. There is not a whole lot of shade so if you're going to be eating there, be aware that you might be right out in the sun.
Parking: Parking wasn't fun but it wasn't terrible. I will say that if there was a lot of rain beforehand, you might second guess going as the parking is in grass and mud can be a challenge for some. This also extends to anyone who doesn't want messy feet if it's muddy. Fortunately, we didn't have this issue.
Lavender: Honestly, for me, I didn't feel like it played a huge part in the festival. However, it did have a lovely scent.
Entertainment: While we were there, there was a great band. The band area is also where the misters were (water misters) which was helpful because of the intense heat.
Overall: This is a great event to attend if you just need something to do. It's not something I'd travel up from the Springs to do but Denver locals with kids would probably love it. It's a free event and a nice way to get the kids outdoors.
Recommendations: Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Be aware that there are bees in abundance (as there should be because it's a garden). Wear comfortable walking shoes. Bring water! Bring a spray bottle or mister if you can to get cooled off if the weather is intense. If it's rained, consider the mud factor in the parking lot.
Flowers: The garden itself is beautiful and was in full bloom. The pathways were pleasing and easy to navigate. The variety of flora was beautifully blended and well cared for.
Booths: While there wasn't an enormous variety of booths to explore, there were several that had neat products to explore. My particular favorite was a Palisade Peach booth that were selling beautiful peaches at a steal!
Food: There were plenty of food vendors and several nice tables set up. There is not a whole lot of shade so if you're going to be eating there, be aware that you might be right out in the sun.
Parking: Parking wasn't fun but it wasn't terrible. I will say that if there was a lot of rain beforehand, you might second guess going as the parking is in grass and mud can be a challenge for some. This also extends to anyone who doesn't want messy feet if it's muddy. Fortunately, we didn't have this issue.
Lavender: Honestly, for me, I didn't feel like it played a huge part in the festival. However, it did have a lovely scent.
Entertainment: While we were there, there was a great band. The band area is also where the misters were (water misters) which was helpful because of the intense heat.
Overall: This is a great event to attend if you just need something to do. It's not something I'd travel up from the Springs to do but Denver locals with kids would probably love it. It's a free event and a nice way to get the kids outdoors.
Recommendations: Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Be aware that there are bees in abundance (as there should be because it's a garden). Wear comfortable walking shoes. Bring water! Bring a spray bottle or mister if you can to get cooled off if the weather is intense. If it's rained, consider the mud factor in the parking lot.
The Littleton Museum
Denver locals, if you have opportunity to explore the Littleton Museum with your children, I encourage you to do so. Though they may roll their eyes and act bored in the museum, I believe that it will build a nice platform to discuss some of the entitlement issues of the current generation. Here are some talking points from the museum.....
*The Printing Press: Yes, that's right, kids, the internet didn't exist back then. In fact, the only way people could get their news was to read the newspaper.
*Milking Stools: You couldn't just go to King Soopers and buy a gallon of milk. The milk had to be milked by hand from the cows.
*Butter Churn: Buying a stick of butter wasn't so simple. You had to churn the butter with a crank.
*Old Farm Equipment: Nope, no engines to run tractors and such. Everyone was run by either pushing it by hand or by horses pulling the equipment.
*The Old Schoolhouse: All the kids, regardless of age, were in one room. There was no AC and the heat was from a wood burning stove.
*No Air Conditioning: Period.
*Wood burning stove: If you wanted heat, you had to chop the wood and keep your eye on the wood burning stove. If you wanted to cook, you had to chop the wood. If you wanted to boil water, you had to chop the wood. Manual labor was required at every turn around.
*Gardening and Hunting: If you didn't know how to do it or "didn't like it" you didn't eat.
*Blacksmith: The amazing things they can do with metal are so neat to see. To listen to them discuss how many things they were used for was incredible.
*No bathrooms: Not a single one. Go look at the 1860s and 1890s home. There was a bowl for water in the bedroom to wash your face, etc but no toilet in the house...why? Look it up.
These are just a few of the talking points you can discuss with your kids. It's a great way to give them a true start to appreciate what they have now and the conveniences our generations have.
*The Printing Press: Yes, that's right, kids, the internet didn't exist back then. In fact, the only way people could get their news was to read the newspaper.
*Milking Stools: You couldn't just go to King Soopers and buy a gallon of milk. The milk had to be milked by hand from the cows.
*Butter Churn: Buying a stick of butter wasn't so simple. You had to churn the butter with a crank.
*Old Farm Equipment: Nope, no engines to run tractors and such. Everyone was run by either pushing it by hand or by horses pulling the equipment.
*The Old Schoolhouse: All the kids, regardless of age, were in one room. There was no AC and the heat was from a wood burning stove.
*No Air Conditioning: Period.
*Wood burning stove: If you wanted heat, you had to chop the wood and keep your eye on the wood burning stove. If you wanted to cook, you had to chop the wood. If you wanted to boil water, you had to chop the wood. Manual labor was required at every turn around.
*Gardening and Hunting: If you didn't know how to do it or "didn't like it" you didn't eat.
*Blacksmith: The amazing things they can do with metal are so neat to see. To listen to them discuss how many things they were used for was incredible.
*No bathrooms: Not a single one. Go look at the 1860s and 1890s home. There was a bowl for water in the bedroom to wash your face, etc but no toilet in the house...why? Look it up.
These are just a few of the talking points you can discuss with your kids. It's a great way to give them a true start to appreciate what they have now and the conveniences our generations have.
To the Upcoming Generation of Boys
To the Upcoming Generation of Boys,
You have quite a challenge ahead of you. The world has surrounded you with expectations that can be a bit overwhelming. It looks like a steep mountain. The good news is that I know you can do it. Each and every one of you has the most incredible soul inside of you that is capable of great things. In fact, you can do more than you realize. As you get older, you will find more and more of who you are and what great things you can do! You are incredible.
Looking at the men of the current generation, you have a pretty wide array of choices. Don't be the man that disrespects and fights all of them. Don't be the man that hates. Be the man that stands out from the crowd. Be the man that knows who HE is and doesn't follow the crowd.
It's okay to be masculine. I know that all we hear anymore is how you have to coddle boys but it's okay to be masculine. It doesn't make you bad. It's okay to need that space from the female drama that seems to ensue regularly. It's okay to want to hang out with your friends instead of watching a chick flick. It's okay to do "guy things" without being judged. If a woman judges you for being "a guy", she's not the woman for you.
It's okay to have feelings. You aren't weak if you cry. You aren't weak if you get scared or overwhelmed. You're not "a chick" if you express emotions. You're a healthy human being. Here's the catch.... you should express your emotions in YOUR way as long as you're not hurting yourself or someone else. If that means you cry, fine. If that means you take a walk to clear your head, fine. If that means that you write or work out or whatever it takes to deal with your emotions, it's okay to do that (again, as long as you're not hurting yourself or someone else.)
It's okay to be strong. I don't mean physically here (though that's okay too). It's okay to walk away from a relationship with a girl that is treating you like less of a person. The celebrities that these girls are looking up to keep their guys on a leash...they treat them as if they are a belonging and not a person. It's okay to walk away from that. It's okay to walk away from an unhealthy relationship.
Your body is your own. That doesn't mean that a girl can pressure you into sex of any kind. I know it's constantly advertised that boys are sex-crazed beasts but you are more than that. Your body is yours. Peer pressure can be strong, especially for boys, and you don't have to give in. You are stronger than you realize. You don't have to do what the crowd is doing. You don't have to ask girls to do it either, contrary to the current trends. You ALSO don't have to give in to girls who try to do this stuff to impress you. You are more than a statistic. You have a great journey ahead.
Let me say this final thought: You are going to achieve great things. You are capable of great feats and you can achieve each and every one of them. You have so much within you. Be who YOU are and not who the world wants you to be.
Sincerely,
A Mom of Boys
You have quite a challenge ahead of you. The world has surrounded you with expectations that can be a bit overwhelming. It looks like a steep mountain. The good news is that I know you can do it. Each and every one of you has the most incredible soul inside of you that is capable of great things. In fact, you can do more than you realize. As you get older, you will find more and more of who you are and what great things you can do! You are incredible.
Looking at the men of the current generation, you have a pretty wide array of choices. Don't be the man that disrespects and fights all of them. Don't be the man that hates. Be the man that stands out from the crowd. Be the man that knows who HE is and doesn't follow the crowd.
It's okay to be masculine. I know that all we hear anymore is how you have to coddle boys but it's okay to be masculine. It doesn't make you bad. It's okay to need that space from the female drama that seems to ensue regularly. It's okay to want to hang out with your friends instead of watching a chick flick. It's okay to do "guy things" without being judged. If a woman judges you for being "a guy", she's not the woman for you.
It's okay to have feelings. You aren't weak if you cry. You aren't weak if you get scared or overwhelmed. You're not "a chick" if you express emotions. You're a healthy human being. Here's the catch.... you should express your emotions in YOUR way as long as you're not hurting yourself or someone else. If that means you cry, fine. If that means you take a walk to clear your head, fine. If that means that you write or work out or whatever it takes to deal with your emotions, it's okay to do that (again, as long as you're not hurting yourself or someone else.)
It's okay to be strong. I don't mean physically here (though that's okay too). It's okay to walk away from a relationship with a girl that is treating you like less of a person. The celebrities that these girls are looking up to keep their guys on a leash...they treat them as if they are a belonging and not a person. It's okay to walk away from that. It's okay to walk away from an unhealthy relationship.
Your body is your own. That doesn't mean that a girl can pressure you into sex of any kind. I know it's constantly advertised that boys are sex-crazed beasts but you are more than that. Your body is yours. Peer pressure can be strong, especially for boys, and you don't have to give in. You are stronger than you realize. You don't have to do what the crowd is doing. You don't have to ask girls to do it either, contrary to the current trends. You ALSO don't have to give in to girls who try to do this stuff to impress you. You are more than a statistic. You have a great journey ahead.
Let me say this final thought: You are going to achieve great things. You are capable of great feats and you can achieve each and every one of them. You have so much within you. Be who YOU are and not who the world wants you to be.
Sincerely,
A Mom of Boys
To the Upcoming Generation of Girls
To the Upcoming Generation of Girls,
You are amazing....yes YOU. You have so many unique qualities and you haven't even uncovered half of them yet. You are just cracking the surface. As you get older, you will reveal so much about the beautiful soul that you are within. Every step of your journey will help you become a more true you. You are beautiful inside and out.
It will not always be easy. In fact, sometimes you will get so frustrated that you'll cry. Take the time to do it. Take the time to cry. Take the time to let your emotions be what they are. If you're sad, let yourself be sad for a little while...and then remember how much more you have ahead of you. If you're angry, let yourself be angry for awhile....and then remember all the blessings you have to be thankful for. If you're scared, let yourself be scared....and then remember that you are stronger than you realize. Learn to express your emotions in a healthy way while you're young and always go back to remembering that you are on a great journey toward something wonderful.
Don't let the world harden you. Don't believe the hype of the diva celebrities that treat everyone like garbage. It's all an act. People that are truly confident with who they are don't have to be cruel to others because they are not in competition with anyone. In fact, those that are truly happy and confident with who they are want to help others not use someone else's back to climb on to get to their next goal. We aren't born to be hardened and we aren't born to be alone. Don't let your circumstances harden your heart.
Be bold! Don't worry about what the trends are; trends are fleeting. Don't worry about whether or not everyone likes you because not everyone will. In fact, true trendsetters are often disliked or judged by many....let them judge. Their judgments do not affect who you are. Their judgments mean nothing to your overall journey. They can see your strength and they feel threatened. In the face of critics, just smile and be happy with who you are. It says more about you than them.
It's okay to be feminine. It seems like the focus is so much on strength now that we forget that you can be strong and feminine. You can be opinionated and keep your mouth silent at times. You can be strong and allow yourself to be vulnerable sometimes. You don't have to pretend to be something that you're not. You don't have to be a full-on feminist to know that you have the strength within you to do anything you want. You can empower yourself and others without tearing down the opposite sex.
Your body is your own. Let me repeat that...your body is your own. No one...and I repeat NO ONE has the right to make you feel like you need to show more of it in order to succeed. No has the right to make you feel like you are not beautiful if you don't post that "sexy selfie" or if you don't sext some guy. No one has the right to make you feel as if you are less of a person because you choose not to have sex (of ANY kind including oral). No one has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Your body is yours and yours alone.
Let me say this final thought: You are worthy of love. You are not just worthy of lust. You're not worthy of conditional love if you'll just have sex with him or if you'll just do this for a friend. You're not worthy of conditional love that says you have to look a certain way or act a certain way. You're worthy of completely unconditional love and when the time is right, it will find you. Don't rush into it to blend in and don't accept anything less. You are complete on your own.
Take these words into your heart and repeat them like a mantra. Know that you are amazing.
Sincerely,
A Woman That Took a Long Time to Learn These Things
You are amazing....yes YOU. You have so many unique qualities and you haven't even uncovered half of them yet. You are just cracking the surface. As you get older, you will reveal so much about the beautiful soul that you are within. Every step of your journey will help you become a more true you. You are beautiful inside and out.
It will not always be easy. In fact, sometimes you will get so frustrated that you'll cry. Take the time to do it. Take the time to cry. Take the time to let your emotions be what they are. If you're sad, let yourself be sad for a little while...and then remember how much more you have ahead of you. If you're angry, let yourself be angry for awhile....and then remember all the blessings you have to be thankful for. If you're scared, let yourself be scared....and then remember that you are stronger than you realize. Learn to express your emotions in a healthy way while you're young and always go back to remembering that you are on a great journey toward something wonderful.
Don't let the world harden you. Don't believe the hype of the diva celebrities that treat everyone like garbage. It's all an act. People that are truly confident with who they are don't have to be cruel to others because they are not in competition with anyone. In fact, those that are truly happy and confident with who they are want to help others not use someone else's back to climb on to get to their next goal. We aren't born to be hardened and we aren't born to be alone. Don't let your circumstances harden your heart.
Be bold! Don't worry about what the trends are; trends are fleeting. Don't worry about whether or not everyone likes you because not everyone will. In fact, true trendsetters are often disliked or judged by many....let them judge. Their judgments do not affect who you are. Their judgments mean nothing to your overall journey. They can see your strength and they feel threatened. In the face of critics, just smile and be happy with who you are. It says more about you than them.
It's okay to be feminine. It seems like the focus is so much on strength now that we forget that you can be strong and feminine. You can be opinionated and keep your mouth silent at times. You can be strong and allow yourself to be vulnerable sometimes. You don't have to pretend to be something that you're not. You don't have to be a full-on feminist to know that you have the strength within you to do anything you want. You can empower yourself and others without tearing down the opposite sex.
Your body is your own. Let me repeat that...your body is your own. No one...and I repeat NO ONE has the right to make you feel like you need to show more of it in order to succeed. No has the right to make you feel like you are not beautiful if you don't post that "sexy selfie" or if you don't sext some guy. No one has the right to make you feel as if you are less of a person because you choose not to have sex (of ANY kind including oral). No one has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Your body is yours and yours alone.
Let me say this final thought: You are worthy of love. You are not just worthy of lust. You're not worthy of conditional love if you'll just have sex with him or if you'll just do this for a friend. You're not worthy of conditional love that says you have to look a certain way or act a certain way. You're worthy of completely unconditional love and when the time is right, it will find you. Don't rush into it to blend in and don't accept anything less. You are complete on your own.
Take these words into your heart and repeat them like a mantra. Know that you are amazing.
Sincerely,
A Woman That Took a Long Time to Learn These Things
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Dear Former High School Mean Girl
Dear Former High School Mean Girl,
If you're reading this, you've taken the most important step: You're acknowledging the role you played in high school. Hopefully that means you've realized how big of a mistake it was. Hopefully you realized how much your behavior damaged the hearts of so many. If you have, be proud...not everyone has realized that.
The positive thing here, though, is that you have the opportunity to fix it. While you may have made a bad choice back then, it doesn't mean you have to keep making that choice. You can apologize. Of course it might not change a thing. That girl you were mean to might not ever forgive you; it doesn't matter. It's not about that. It's not about whether or not they forgive you; it's about righting a wrong that was done so long ago. It's about attempting to super glue back on that chunk you took out of their soul so many years ago.
For every one girl that can't forgive, you will have ten that are grateful. There will be ten that love your apology. There will be ten that look at you and appreciate the fact that you took the time to say something. There will be ten that fill a void in their heart that they didn't know was there just knowing that someone cared enough to make it right. There will be ten that forgive you.
In the end, it's not about how they react. It's about you deciding to not be that girl anymore. I'm proud of you.
Sincerely,
Me
If you're reading this, you've taken the most important step: You're acknowledging the role you played in high school. Hopefully that means you've realized how big of a mistake it was. Hopefully you realized how much your behavior damaged the hearts of so many. If you have, be proud...not everyone has realized that.
The positive thing here, though, is that you have the opportunity to fix it. While you may have made a bad choice back then, it doesn't mean you have to keep making that choice. You can apologize. Of course it might not change a thing. That girl you were mean to might not ever forgive you; it doesn't matter. It's not about that. It's not about whether or not they forgive you; it's about righting a wrong that was done so long ago. It's about attempting to super glue back on that chunk you took out of their soul so many years ago.
For every one girl that can't forgive, you will have ten that are grateful. There will be ten that love your apology. There will be ten that look at you and appreciate the fact that you took the time to say something. There will be ten that fill a void in their heart that they didn't know was there just knowing that someone cared enough to make it right. There will be ten that forgive you.
In the end, it's not about how they react. It's about you deciding to not be that girl anymore. I'm proud of you.
Sincerely,
Me
Little Changes
It's never too late to make a change in your life. Sometimes those changes are enormous like quitting smoking, losing weight, or getting a divorce. Other times, it might be a small decision. We are, often, left feeling like the small choices are unimportant and that we are making a big deal out of nothing if we focus on them. The truth is that it's not unimportant though. On the contrary, ANY effort to change ourselves for the positive is important.
Even in our adult life, we never stop growing and changing. The thing is that the growth that we experience can be in any direction and we have to be the ones to decide it. We have to decide whether we are going to have shallow roots or dig deep and make the changes needed to do something incredible...to grow into something incredible.
Whatever the change may be, no matter how small, take the leap. It is important and so are you.
Even in our adult life, we never stop growing and changing. The thing is that the growth that we experience can be in any direction and we have to be the ones to decide it. We have to decide whether we are going to have shallow roots or dig deep and make the changes needed to do something incredible...to grow into something incredible.
Whatever the change may be, no matter how small, take the leap. It is important and so are you.
The 10 Friends of Facebook
The 10 Friends of Facebook
1. The Guy/Girl that You Wanted to Date but Who Wouldn't Give you the Time of Day
2. The Guy/Girl that You Used to Date
3. The Bitchy Mean Girl That Made Fun of You
4. The Girls that Don't Even Remember who you are but are curious why you share friends
5. The Girls that Know Who You are and Just Want to See if the Bikini Shot is a Recent Picture
6. The Old Friend You Are So Happy You Got Back into Touch With
7. The Person YOU were curious about and friended just long enough to see
8. The Popular Mean Girl that You're Secretly Happy ended up alone
9. The Activist
10. Your actual friends and family
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Family Drama
I'd like to take a moment to discuss a very important topic: family drama. I know, I know...it's a little heavy for a Saturday but it must be said. In a time of more broken families than ever, there is more family drama than ever. What does a broken family look like? I define it a bit different than society: a broken family is ANY family that has an inability to function in a way that is not conducive to all of its members being emotionally and mentally healthy. In short, a broken family can absolutely be a family with a mom, dad and kids. A broken family can be a family with same sex parents and kids. A broken family can be a family with a couple and some fur babies. A broken family can be a family where the kids are raised by an auntie or a grandparent. Of course, as defined by society, a broken family can also be a family where the parents are divorced. In my opinion, broken families come in all shapes and sizes.
With that much said, here are my thoughts on a few topics under this umbrella.
Severed parent-child relationships For many years of my life, I felt like there was something wrong with me because the broken relationship in my life. As a parent, I understand the way that kids rebel and I understand the drama that can come. What I don't understand is ANY relationship where a parent walks away from their child over family drama. I can't grasp the concept....at all. When you became a parent, you understood that you were a parent for LIFE. You are not a parent until they turn 18. You are not a parent until they're self-sufficient. You are not a parent until they make you mad. You are a parent for life. If you are okay with not speaking to your child because they made you mad, shame on you. If you are okay with cutting a child out of your life in order to please one of your other children, shame on you. If you are okay with not seeing your child for a decade or more just because you don't care, shame on you. Period.
Severed child-parent relationships Okay, I get it, you didn't choose your parents but they're the ones you've got. They may drive you crazy but they're still your parents. While I'm not quite as hard on the kids here, it doesn't mean I won't be hard on you. I have a parent who decided to walk away and not talk to me over some family drama. I have moved heaven and earth to keep in touch with them. Why? Because I'd rather have SOME communication than none at all. Because I'd rather deal with their controlling "you can only contact me at this time in this way and while I'm with these people" than have no contact at all. With that said, I definitely don't judge people who go through years and years and years of dealing with a parent that neglects and treats them like garbage and then finally cut the cord until their parent can be a healthy human being. My advice, though, is that you work toward remaining in their life, even if it's the smallest way possible. Regret is a terrible thing and you don't want to think that you did everything you could to repair the relationship.
Severed sibling relationship This is far more common than it should be. Why? Because children aren't raised with the concept of sibling relationship anymore. There has been sibling rivalry since the dawn of time. However, there has also been parents standing over those siblings telling them to "knock that shit off" because they're family. It used to be that parents told their kids to be nice to their siblings because they will be all that's left after the parents are gone. Now, it's an era of "step aside" parenting where parents just let the kids duke it out. They don't demand that kind of respect between siblings. It's absurd. However, once you're an adult, if you cut a sibling out of your life because you're mad, you're the problem. If you cut them out because of who they talk to or what they do (as long as it's not drug use or something toxic of the like) you are the problem. In short, if you act like a selfish turd because it suits you, you're the problem. You can rally the troops to hate your sibling and you will still be the problem. Period.
Cutting out extended family This is a tough one. Here's my take: If you have a toxic parent or sibling that is gathering an army of people to hate you, you have every right to walk away. If that is not the case, you should at least attempt to stay in their lives in some way. I don't care if it's just a Christmas card. I don't care if it's an occasional visit or phone call. You should try. If THEY make the choice to walk away, then you have to respect that and move on. My grandparents and cousins are some of the most important people in my life. Do they irritate me at times? Of course and I irritate them. What I DON'T do is decide that irritation means no communication at all. Why? Because I believe in the concept of family.
Look, I understand that life is hard nowadays. I get that things can be complicated. What I can't grasp is why we've thrown away the concept of family completely. We are not meant to be standoffish loners walking through life and those that are put in that situation, I am so utterly sorry for what you must endure. We are not meant to throw away our children because it doesn't fit into our clever little mold of what we think life should look like. We are not meant to impart drama and toxicity into our family to suit our entertainment needs. And we are certainly not meant to rally the troops against each other to build a division. Get it together and act right!
With that much said, here are my thoughts on a few topics under this umbrella.
Severed parent-child relationships For many years of my life, I felt like there was something wrong with me because the broken relationship in my life. As a parent, I understand the way that kids rebel and I understand the drama that can come. What I don't understand is ANY relationship where a parent walks away from their child over family drama. I can't grasp the concept....at all. When you became a parent, you understood that you were a parent for LIFE. You are not a parent until they turn 18. You are not a parent until they're self-sufficient. You are not a parent until they make you mad. You are a parent for life. If you are okay with not speaking to your child because they made you mad, shame on you. If you are okay with cutting a child out of your life in order to please one of your other children, shame on you. If you are okay with not seeing your child for a decade or more just because you don't care, shame on you. Period.
Severed child-parent relationships Okay, I get it, you didn't choose your parents but they're the ones you've got. They may drive you crazy but they're still your parents. While I'm not quite as hard on the kids here, it doesn't mean I won't be hard on you. I have a parent who decided to walk away and not talk to me over some family drama. I have moved heaven and earth to keep in touch with them. Why? Because I'd rather have SOME communication than none at all. Because I'd rather deal with their controlling "you can only contact me at this time in this way and while I'm with these people" than have no contact at all. With that said, I definitely don't judge people who go through years and years and years of dealing with a parent that neglects and treats them like garbage and then finally cut the cord until their parent can be a healthy human being. My advice, though, is that you work toward remaining in their life, even if it's the smallest way possible. Regret is a terrible thing and you don't want to think that you did everything you could to repair the relationship.
Severed sibling relationship This is far more common than it should be. Why? Because children aren't raised with the concept of sibling relationship anymore. There has been sibling rivalry since the dawn of time. However, there has also been parents standing over those siblings telling them to "knock that shit off" because they're family. It used to be that parents told their kids to be nice to their siblings because they will be all that's left after the parents are gone. Now, it's an era of "step aside" parenting where parents just let the kids duke it out. They don't demand that kind of respect between siblings. It's absurd. However, once you're an adult, if you cut a sibling out of your life because you're mad, you're the problem. If you cut them out because of who they talk to or what they do (as long as it's not drug use or something toxic of the like) you are the problem. In short, if you act like a selfish turd because it suits you, you're the problem. You can rally the troops to hate your sibling and you will still be the problem. Period.
Cutting out extended family This is a tough one. Here's my take: If you have a toxic parent or sibling that is gathering an army of people to hate you, you have every right to walk away. If that is not the case, you should at least attempt to stay in their lives in some way. I don't care if it's just a Christmas card. I don't care if it's an occasional visit or phone call. You should try. If THEY make the choice to walk away, then you have to respect that and move on. My grandparents and cousins are some of the most important people in my life. Do they irritate me at times? Of course and I irritate them. What I DON'T do is decide that irritation means no communication at all. Why? Because I believe in the concept of family.
Look, I understand that life is hard nowadays. I get that things can be complicated. What I can't grasp is why we've thrown away the concept of family completely. We are not meant to be standoffish loners walking through life and those that are put in that situation, I am so utterly sorry for what you must endure. We are not meant to throw away our children because it doesn't fit into our clever little mold of what we think life should look like. We are not meant to impart drama and toxicity into our family to suit our entertainment needs. And we are certainly not meant to rally the troops against each other to build a division. Get it together and act right!
Friday, July 15, 2016
I Don't Understand Hate
A post was made yesterday that talked about the hatred and entitlement an individual felt based on her color. As I always do, I went and researched on my own. I didn't want to believe that she felt this hatred for someone simply based on skin pigmentation. I didn't want to believe that those were her words. I wanted to believe that it was taken out of context. I wanted to believe that it just wasn't true. I looked up her page, directly, and was saddened immediately. It is true. This hatred exists. This pure, unadulterated hatred for someone based on skin pigment.
I.....don't.......understand.
It has never been about black or white for me. I have never been handed anything easily. My parents were teenage parents and had to work day and night (literally) to make a life for our family. As an adult, I've never been handed a single thing. I've had to work for every step that I've taken. I've had to fight tooth and nail just to get by. I don't work a job where I make some crazy amount of money. I work constantly to make a life for my kids. But none of this is the point of this post. This comes across as angry and it's definitely not angry. It's pure inability to understand why anyone would think that skin color means I'm given incredible privilege.
I can't grasp the concept of hatred, period.
I believe you have two choices in life. You can let all of the strife and heartache you endure to harden your heart. You can develop disdain for everything and everyone. You can focus all of your attention on how unfair it is. OR You can focus on what you do have. You can choose to let the strife and heartache give you more compassion for others. You can choose to let your hurts give you the knowledge to help someone else through their own hurts. You see, hatred is a choice.
I choose to love you anyway.
I'm sure my love for God is an extremely large part of why I feel this way. If I'm being honest, it's not that I always understand it, but I know it's there. I know that, deep down, the feelings of anger are usually fear. The feelings of frustration usually stem from sadness and fear. I can dislike people. In fact, I can dislike them strongly but I don't hate. Hate means that I can find nothing good inside of them and I believe that somewhere, deep inside of everyone, there is something wonderful. I believe that people that do even the most heinous acts have some good somewhere deep down inside. Does it mean they shouldn't be punished? Of course not, their choices are still reprehensible. Does it mean that they should be hated? I don't believe so. They can be loved while their actions are hated. They can be prayed for even while we pray for the victims of their crimes.
You can hate me, but I'll love you and pray for you.
So for those that hate based on skin color (regardless of which side you're on), I will pray for you. I don't mean that in some belittling way, as if I'm better than you. I'm not. I'll pray for your heart to be given peace and love. I'll pray for you to be able to see your fellow man as an ally and not an enemy. I'll pray that our differences will, indeed, create something wonderful that helps us to come together for a common good. I'll pray that your heart can see you the way that I do....a beautiful soul. I'll love you exactly as you are. I'll love you even if you hate me; not because I'm entitled or better or I have a better life, but because I see your soul and it is beautiful, no matter how hurt it is. I don't see your skin color. I don't see your eye color or your hair color. I don't see whether or not you have tattoos or piercings. I don't see whether you have perfect teeth or teeth muddled from years of drug use. I see YOU. And YOU are beautiful.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Pokemon Go
I don't pretend to truly understand this "Pokemon Go" sensation but it is a very real thing and one I'm not interested in. Here are my feelings on the trend....
It's a cool concept. I like the idea that it makes the user get out and walk to use it. I like the way that it encourages physical activity.
It seems like a great break for some people In a world full of chaos and awful news, this is a nice distraction. It may not be my particular interest but it's of interest to some and it's a great way to unplug, so to speak.
It revives old school fun. I know a whole lot of people who played Pokemon in their younger years and this gives them a fun blast from the past.
but.....
It can be dangerous. There is documented child predator behavior happening with this app. Kids are being lured in. In addition, with your head stuck to your phone, you're not paying enough attention to your surroundings and it opens you up to other crimes, as well. You're going to feel like a real ass if you get your purse snatched because you were trying to catch a Pikachu.
I'm not a gamer so.... I don't even like Candy Crush let alone chasing around imaginary characters with my phone. If it gives someone else pleasure, great but not my thing.
You're giving away your info. Okay, I get it. A whole mess of things give away your data but I'm not interested in giving one more app that is purely dumb entertainment more access to my information.
In short, I'm probably just an old lady stuck in a thirty something's body. If "Pokemon Go" trips your trigger, go for it. If it doesn't, let kids be kids...or adults be kids...or something.
It's a cool concept. I like the idea that it makes the user get out and walk to use it. I like the way that it encourages physical activity.
It seems like a great break for some people In a world full of chaos and awful news, this is a nice distraction. It may not be my particular interest but it's of interest to some and it's a great way to unplug, so to speak.
It revives old school fun. I know a whole lot of people who played Pokemon in their younger years and this gives them a fun blast from the past.
but.....
It can be dangerous. There is documented child predator behavior happening with this app. Kids are being lured in. In addition, with your head stuck to your phone, you're not paying enough attention to your surroundings and it opens you up to other crimes, as well. You're going to feel like a real ass if you get your purse snatched because you were trying to catch a Pikachu.
I'm not a gamer so.... I don't even like Candy Crush let alone chasing around imaginary characters with my phone. If it gives someone else pleasure, great but not my thing.
You're giving away your info. Okay, I get it. A whole mess of things give away your data but I'm not interested in giving one more app that is purely dumb entertainment more access to my information.
In short, I'm probably just an old lady stuck in a thirty something's body. If "Pokemon Go" trips your trigger, go for it. If it doesn't, let kids be kids...or adults be kids...or something.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
A Bigger Plan
I don't understand a whole lot of things but I accept that about life. I will never understand everything that goes on. People will be assholes sometimes and there will be no explanation. Other people will be so incredibly giving that you can't comprehend it and there will be no explanation. People will hate for no reason that outsiders understand. People will give a million second chances and choose to love for no reason that outsiders understand. People who don't really deserve wealth will get it and those that work constantly and just as hard will get nothing. Life is not fair and it's not always something we understand. In fact, I've stopped trying to understand things that have no real explanation.
I believe that God has a plan.
Even when I don't understand it, I believe there's a bigger plan. I believe that a whole lot of religions have similar theories but with different wording. It might not be "God" but "nature" or "Mother Earth" or whoever. There is a bigger plan. Listen, we can work and work and work to do good things. We can go to work every day, save money, and be a good person but bad stuff can still happen. By the same token, we can be in the worst possible situation and something amazing will come out of it. What we see, in our lives, is only a small piece of a huge puzzle.
So what do we do in the meantime? Be compassionate. Be kind. Love, even when you don't understand. Stop trying to create a divide; unite with your fellow man. Don't give handouts, give a hand up. Help others to stand on their own two feet and be proud of who they are. Be proud of who YOU are. Be the change you want to see.
I believe that God has a plan.
Even when I don't understand it, I believe there's a bigger plan. I believe that a whole lot of religions have similar theories but with different wording. It might not be "God" but "nature" or "Mother Earth" or whoever. There is a bigger plan. Listen, we can work and work and work to do good things. We can go to work every day, save money, and be a good person but bad stuff can still happen. By the same token, we can be in the worst possible situation and something amazing will come out of it. What we see, in our lives, is only a small piece of a huge puzzle.
So what do we do in the meantime? Be compassionate. Be kind. Love, even when you don't understand. Stop trying to create a divide; unite with your fellow man. Don't give handouts, give a hand up. Help others to stand on their own two feet and be proud of who they are. Be proud of who YOU are. Be the change you want to see.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Teach Your Children Manners
Today's post is going to be cut and dry. Teach your kids some manners. Don't rely on the schools; it's not their job. Don't rely on society; it's not their job. It's yours. Here are some of the most basic and overlooked manners in our society today.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Judging Others
I will not judge you based on the color of your skin. I will not judge you based on your religion or lack thereof. I will not judge you based on your weight. I will not judge you based on whether or not you have tattoos or piercings. I will not judge you based on cultural background. I will not judge you based on how much money you make.
Here are some things I WILL judge you on....
What you do with the trash in your car: I don't care if your car is a fucking mess. I won't judge that. Litter, though, and you're an ass. Sorry but there is always another option.
What you do with your shopping cart: Look, there are those that are physically unable to return the cart to a corral and I don't judge them. However, the vast majority are just assholes who don't want to walk the 20 feet to the corral. You, sir, are an ass.
What you do with your dirty diapers at a park, zoo, etc: This is a HUGE pet peeve. Look, I've had 4 kids and have been a nanny for several kids. I know that it can be a pain to hunt for a trash can with your little ones in tow. Honestly, though, if you're one of those douchebags that leaves their dirty diaper on a park bench or on the ground in a parking garage because you're too lazy to find a trash can or throw it out when you get home, you're an ass.
What you do with your dog's waste: I absolutely love animals and have a soft spot for dogs. What I don't have a soft spot for is people leaving their dog shit in public parks for everyone to step in. What you do in your own yard, I won't judge you for. What you leave on an open trail that the rest of us are walking on, I will. You're an ass.
Whether or not you open a door for an elderly person. While I'm of the opinion that you should open a door for a lady (because I believe in being a gentleman), I won't judge you if you don't share my opinion. What I WILL judge you on is whether or not you open a door for the elderly man or woman that is shuffling toward the door in public. It's just fucking manner. If you choose not to, you're an ass.
Whether or not you say "thank you" to servers, bank tellers or anyone else that does a service for you: I don't care if you make $15,000 a year or if you make $150,000 a year. Manners are manners and you need to say "thank you." If you choose not to, you're an asshole.
Manners seem to be an underrated thing, anymore. I won't judge you for a whole lot of things but I will, most certainly, judge you for being a rude fuck.
*Sorry to those concerned about language. I feel strongly on this topic and it makes me mad as a hornet when people act like they were raised by wolves.
Here are some things I WILL judge you on....
What you do with the trash in your car: I don't care if your car is a fucking mess. I won't judge that. Litter, though, and you're an ass. Sorry but there is always another option.
What you do with your shopping cart: Look, there are those that are physically unable to return the cart to a corral and I don't judge them. However, the vast majority are just assholes who don't want to walk the 20 feet to the corral. You, sir, are an ass.
What you do with your dirty diapers at a park, zoo, etc: This is a HUGE pet peeve. Look, I've had 4 kids and have been a nanny for several kids. I know that it can be a pain to hunt for a trash can with your little ones in tow. Honestly, though, if you're one of those douchebags that leaves their dirty diaper on a park bench or on the ground in a parking garage because you're too lazy to find a trash can or throw it out when you get home, you're an ass.
What you do with your dog's waste: I absolutely love animals and have a soft spot for dogs. What I don't have a soft spot for is people leaving their dog shit in public parks for everyone to step in. What you do in your own yard, I won't judge you for. What you leave on an open trail that the rest of us are walking on, I will. You're an ass.
Whether or not you open a door for an elderly person. While I'm of the opinion that you should open a door for a lady (because I believe in being a gentleman), I won't judge you if you don't share my opinion. What I WILL judge you on is whether or not you open a door for the elderly man or woman that is shuffling toward the door in public. It's just fucking manner. If you choose not to, you're an ass.
Whether or not you say "thank you" to servers, bank tellers or anyone else that does a service for you: I don't care if you make $15,000 a year or if you make $150,000 a year. Manners are manners and you need to say "thank you." If you choose not to, you're an asshole.
Manners seem to be an underrated thing, anymore. I won't judge you for a whole lot of things but I will, most certainly, judge you for being a rude fuck.
*Sorry to those concerned about language. I feel strongly on this topic and it makes me mad as a hornet when people act like they were raised by wolves.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Change Your Perspective
So "Chewbacca Mom" posted a video of her own personal arrangement of Michael Jackson's "Heal the World." Honestly, I went into it skeptical. I don't follow her and got ill of all the media hype surrounding her quite quickly that led to her charging for autographs. That said, I viewed it and it was a beautiful and humbling reminder of exactly what our world needs. You see, she has it right: we need to spread joy, not hate.
Here is a link to view her performance....
Chewbacca Mom sings "Heal the World"
In a world where we are so wrapped up in terrifying news on a daily basis, this really is what our world needs. No, I'm not naive enough to believe that love and joy is the key to stopping terrorism. I'm not naive enough to believe that love is all that's needed to fix everything...but it's a start.
My mantra lately has been "Be the Change You Want to See." (it's a portion of a quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi). Joy won't fix everything but it won't hurt. Joy won't heal everyone but if it heals just one person, isn't it worth it? Joy won't stop hate but if it deters just one person from being hateful, isn't it worth it? Paying it forward may not change the world but it might change the course of one person's day. What do we achieve by spreading hate?
If you don't know where to start, start small. Smile at strangers. Compliment someone with a true compliment. Tell your family you love them and how special they are to you. Give a burger to a homeless person. As you start to see that one tiny thing can change the course of a person's day, you'll want to do even more. Your deeds will get bigger and bigger and soon, you'll be spreading the positivity to others too.
Change your perspective, change your life
Here is a link to view her performance....
Chewbacca Mom sings "Heal the World"
In a world where we are so wrapped up in terrifying news on a daily basis, this really is what our world needs. No, I'm not naive enough to believe that love and joy is the key to stopping terrorism. I'm not naive enough to believe that love is all that's needed to fix everything...but it's a start.
My mantra lately has been "Be the Change You Want to See." (it's a portion of a quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi). Joy won't fix everything but it won't hurt. Joy won't heal everyone but if it heals just one person, isn't it worth it? Joy won't stop hate but if it deters just one person from being hateful, isn't it worth it? Paying it forward may not change the world but it might change the course of one person's day. What do we achieve by spreading hate?
If you don't know where to start, start small. Smile at strangers. Compliment someone with a true compliment. Tell your family you love them and how special they are to you. Give a burger to a homeless person. As you start to see that one tiny thing can change the course of a person's day, you'll want to do even more. Your deeds will get bigger and bigger and soon, you'll be spreading the positivity to others too.
Change your perspective, change your life
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Quick Note
I made a promise to myself a year ago that I would really start taking care of myself. As a single mama, I've always taken care of my kids' medical needs. I made sure that they got their medical well checks on time. I made sure that they had dental checks every six months. I made sure they got their eyes checked, saw ENTs when necessary, and orthodontic checks. It was a priority for me to take care of them but I neglected myself a bit.
So I started with a standard well check. I went in and had blood tests run and got a general overview of my health.
I got an eye exam, new glasses (for when I don't have my contacts in) and switched contact lens brands.
I got my annual gynecological exam.
Now, finally, I've finished my dental work...which has definitely been a process.
I say that to say this.....
You can't take care of anyone else if you don't care for yourself. You also don't realize how much small preventative measures can improve your overall health. Take the time to take care of yourself and take part in preventative visits. As cheesy as they seem, they can make all the difference.
Friday, July 8, 2016
The Dallas Shootings
There were 5 police officers killed and 6 injured last night in Dallas at a Black Lives Matter rally. I am in shock and disbelief, literally on the verge of tears that these officers lost their lives just doing their job. In fact, they were protecting the very people that shot them. May God bless their families and the people of Dallas.
My God, what have we turned into? What has our nation become?
I don't blame African Americans. It is not all your fault. Black lives DO matter; all lives do. Every single life does. I refuse to let this brew hatred in my heart. You are in just as much shock as I am, maybe even more.
I don't blame the Black Lives Matter movement. It's not all their fault. Their message matters just as much as mine does. They are angry, frustrated and confused. But I refuse to believe that they are all responsible. There were peaceful protests all over the nation last night by this movement that didn't end in gunfire. You are in just as much shock as I am.
I don't blame protesters, in general. It's not all their fault. You have a voice and you deserve to be heard just as much as I do. You are in just as much shock as I am.
Who do I blame? These individuals that fired the shots. A protest didn't make them shoot anyone. A movement didn't make them shoot anyone. They made a choice and I hope they suffer the full brunt of the punishment...not because of color or beliefs but because they murdered, in cold blood, another person. They planned this. They targeted specific individuals. I hope each and every one of them are punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Please, please please educate yourself. Don't lump all police officers in with a few bad eggs. I'm sure there are bad cops just like there's bad doctors, trash men, teachers and every other profession. A vast majority of police officers are there to serve and protect. They aren't worried about your color, religion, cultural background, or anything else. They are worried about protecting you and making sure that you're safe.
Don't lump all incidents of police-involved shootings into the same category based on race, ignoring circumstances. When a suspect clearly resists arrest, he/she is making a choice. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, whatever....when you resist arrest, you are putting an officer in a defensive position.
Don't lump all people of ANY race in together. This is not black vs white. This is not us vs them. This is right vs wrong. Please stop feeding into this media hubbub that is actually encouraging racism.
Stop this God-awful hatred that is being fed to us. Really educate yourself. Look at all the statistics, not just what the media wants you to see. Look at all sides of the story, not just what the media wants you to see. You can be angry but be angry at the right people. Be angry at criminals, no matter what color. Be angry at the people hellbent on creating and encouraging negativity in our nation.
You see, I don't believe that any life matters more than another. I grieve for each innocent life lost.
Pray for our Nation.
My God, what have we turned into? What has our nation become?
I don't blame African Americans. It is not all your fault. Black lives DO matter; all lives do. Every single life does. I refuse to let this brew hatred in my heart. You are in just as much shock as I am, maybe even more.
I don't blame the Black Lives Matter movement. It's not all their fault. Their message matters just as much as mine does. They are angry, frustrated and confused. But I refuse to believe that they are all responsible. There were peaceful protests all over the nation last night by this movement that didn't end in gunfire. You are in just as much shock as I am.
I don't blame protesters, in general. It's not all their fault. You have a voice and you deserve to be heard just as much as I do. You are in just as much shock as I am.
Who do I blame? These individuals that fired the shots. A protest didn't make them shoot anyone. A movement didn't make them shoot anyone. They made a choice and I hope they suffer the full brunt of the punishment...not because of color or beliefs but because they murdered, in cold blood, another person. They planned this. They targeted specific individuals. I hope each and every one of them are punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Please, please please educate yourself. Don't lump all police officers in with a few bad eggs. I'm sure there are bad cops just like there's bad doctors, trash men, teachers and every other profession. A vast majority of police officers are there to serve and protect. They aren't worried about your color, religion, cultural background, or anything else. They are worried about protecting you and making sure that you're safe.
Don't lump all incidents of police-involved shootings into the same category based on race, ignoring circumstances. When a suspect clearly resists arrest, he/she is making a choice. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, whatever....when you resist arrest, you are putting an officer in a defensive position.
Don't lump all people of ANY race in together. This is not black vs white. This is not us vs them. This is right vs wrong. Please stop feeding into this media hubbub that is actually encouraging racism.
Stop this God-awful hatred that is being fed to us. Really educate yourself. Look at all the statistics, not just what the media wants you to see. Look at all sides of the story, not just what the media wants you to see. You can be angry but be angry at the right people. Be angry at criminals, no matter what color. Be angry at the people hellbent on creating and encouraging negativity in our nation.
You see, I don't believe that any life matters more than another. I grieve for each innocent life lost.
Pray for our Nation.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Stop Generalizing
Let me preface this whole post by saying that I love people that promote positivity. I also love to see when people try to fix what's broken in a relationship of any kind, whether it's a parent, siblings or anyone else. I love when people give advice to empower people but not to boss them around. In short, I like to see people receive a different perspective but not be told what to do like mindless zombies. Even if I don't agree with the choices that are made, I'd rather see someone make a decision on their own with a full education/perspective on the topic.
Here goes....
While I am all for sharing your life experiences and what you've learned, I'd like to make a tiny request to those that are seasoned bloggers: please stop generalizing when it comes to people's long term relationships and marriages. Some of the generalizations you make can actually be quite dangerous. Allow me to explain.
Every relationship machine (if you will) works with different cogs. What works with one couple might be toxic to another. For example, in one couple where a man watches sports for several hours a day, the wife might feel neglected, frustrated and angry and accuse him of having a sports "addiction." In another couple, the wife of a similar man might feel like this is her alone time and put limits on his viewing habits but still allow him to watch daily. In yet another relationship, the wife might be equally as into sports and might view his viewing habits as a positive thing. You see, the "problem" (a man that watches sports several times a day) isn't a problem in every relationship. In some relationships, it can actually be a bonding experience. When a popular blogger/celebrity chooses to make a generalization regarding what's toxic to a relationship, they influence the thoughts of those that value that blogger/celebrity's opinion. The reader, then, begins to be more easily offended by their significant other and BOOM....a relationship starts having issues it didn't previously have because of an outsider's opinion (albeit one that the blogger didn't intend to cause).
When a blogger declares a behavior "dangerous" in a relationship, they aren't considering the actual meaning of the word. They aren't considering the implications that this word causes. When a reader sees the word "dangerous," it triggers their defense mechanism. "Red flag" does the same thing. My belief is that, when talking about relationships, these words should be reserved for abusive or negligent behaviors. And no, I'm not referring to your feelings being hurt. I'm referring to actual abuse and negligence such as physical assault or threat of physical assault, emotional abuse (extreme name calling, belittling, threats, etc) and other such behavior. You see, these are actually documented dangerous behaviors. "Danger" is not an opinion in this instance; it's a fact.
Another irksome phrase used by bloggers is that people don't change. This just isn't true. People can't change who they are at their core; that's true. They can, however, change their habits. Most things that these relationship bloggers are talking about are habits, not characteristics. Will your significant other change because you yell at them? No. Will they change because you bully or nag them? No. Can they change their habits because they choose to? Yes, I believe they can. Change requires dedication to the cause and prioritizing. I don't believe it's impossible, though. Why? Because you see it every day with addicts. You see it every day with people that have gone to jail. You see it in churches. You see it everywhere. People hit rock bottom and change their habits in order to improve their quality of life. The idea that "people don't change" is a completely unfounded and partially false statement. They can change...but they have to want to do it.
A final one that I'd like to touch on is that "all men are" or "all women are" a certain way (or any other phrase of the like). Here are some truths about "all men".... they have a penis, they have more testosterone than a woman. The end. Here are some truths about "all women".... they have a vagina and more estrogen than men. The end. All men are not dogs. All women are not crazy. I could go on and on. Please, please, please stop saying using these phrases. Just because your ex-wife cheated on you doesn't mean all women cheat. Just because your ex-husband bullied you doesn't mean that all men do that. Just because your ex girlfriend belittled you constantly doesn't mean all women do that. Just because your ex boyfriend relentlessly flirted with anything with boobs doesn't mean every guy does it. Stop creating drama that doesn't exist.
Look, I've been through a divorce. I've had breakups. I know how challenging it can be to deal with the emotions. However, I don't think it's a reason to encourage others to create drama in their own relationships. Please, bloggers, use your influence to increase positivity. Please encourage people to be their very best...don't create drama that doesn't need to be there. You never know whose life you're changing with your words.
***I'm not simply blaming bloggers and celebrities. Realistically, no one should be basing their relationships on what they read. With that said, bloggers are well aware of the influence they have on their readers. This is a perspective to consider
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Vacation Dreams
For years, I felt guilty about the fact that I didn't take my kids on the dream Disney vacation. I suppose, on some level, that it has to do with the fact that my parents took us to Disney every year for most of my childhood, even if it meant going broke to do so. I suppose it's because so many people talk about their Disney vacations and how magical it really was. I suppose it's because I know how much Disney works to completely envelope you in the amazing experience at their parks.
But I'm not willing to go broke for Disney.
Look, I don't think that people that embark on the journey are bad people. If you can afford it and that's what floats your boat, fantastic! It's a great place to spend vacation time and get to truly enjoy the magic that it brings to every visitor that walks in the door. For me, though, I'm more inclined to want to take my kids to see Mount Rushmore. Instead of riding the Dumbo ride, I want my kids to ride a zipline that shows them incredible scenery or to see orcas swimming in the wild. I want my kids to see the deserts and the oceans. I want my kids to see the Grand Canyon and the bayou. I want my kids to see everything there is to see. Why?
Because, for me, I've decided that a vacation is more about the time spent and the life experience gained than the money spent. It's more about seeing their faces in awe of the size of a mountain than it is in awe of a cartoon character. It's more about seeing them climb a 14er than it is to wait in line for hours to ride Splash Mountain. It's more about hearing them talk about gigantic corn fields in the Midwest than it is to hear them talk about the ghosts in the Haunted Mansion. Are those theme park attractions awesome? Of course! But I want my kids to learn to respect nature and appreciate the beautiful country that we live in.
My dream vacation has changed, I guess. Instead of dreaming of going to all of the Disney parks, I'd rather take my kids on vacations to see every single state in our beautiful country. I'd rather take them to see the sights and learn what makes this country so great. I'd rather them see battlegrounds and landmarks. I'd rather them learn about this amazing place that we live.
Now to be able to afford it.....
But I'm not willing to go broke for Disney.
Look, I don't think that people that embark on the journey are bad people. If you can afford it and that's what floats your boat, fantastic! It's a great place to spend vacation time and get to truly enjoy the magic that it brings to every visitor that walks in the door. For me, though, I'm more inclined to want to take my kids to see Mount Rushmore. Instead of riding the Dumbo ride, I want my kids to ride a zipline that shows them incredible scenery or to see orcas swimming in the wild. I want my kids to see the deserts and the oceans. I want my kids to see the Grand Canyon and the bayou. I want my kids to see everything there is to see. Why?
Because, for me, I've decided that a vacation is more about the time spent and the life experience gained than the money spent. It's more about seeing their faces in awe of the size of a mountain than it is in awe of a cartoon character. It's more about seeing them climb a 14er than it is to wait in line for hours to ride Splash Mountain. It's more about hearing them talk about gigantic corn fields in the Midwest than it is to hear them talk about the ghosts in the Haunted Mansion. Are those theme park attractions awesome? Of course! But I want my kids to learn to respect nature and appreciate the beautiful country that we live in.
My dream vacation has changed, I guess. Instead of dreaming of going to all of the Disney parks, I'd rather take my kids on vacations to see every single state in our beautiful country. I'd rather take them to see the sights and learn what makes this country so great. I'd rather them see battlegrounds and landmarks. I'd rather them learn about this amazing place that we live.
Now to be able to afford it.....
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Natives Vs Transplants in Colorado
One of the biggest debates I see, as a resident of Colorado, is the natives vs transplants debate. Now, I preface by saying that I moved here BEFORE the legalization of marijuana in this state.
The native's argument on this is quite understandable, in a whole lot of ways. They are frustrated that people come here in droves for the marijuana and now, housing is way overpriced (this is the biggest argument I've heard and I truly agree with it). They are frustrated that people come here and try to change the culture instead of embracing and adapting to it. They are frustrated that transplants come here and litter our beautiful trails, destroy our beautiful surroundings and seem to have no appreciation whatsoever for the beauty around them. They are frustrated that transplants don't pay attention to the signs on nature trails and pollute our lakes. They are frustrated that the traffic is so bad now, as it never used to be this way. They have a simple message: We're full.
The transplants have varied arguments. Those that have come here for the pot seem to stick to the "well none of YOU are actually true natives unless you're Native Americans whose families have been here forever." Okay, that's a semantics argument and, frankly, it's just dumb. You know what the natives are talking about. Those that came here and are trying to change things either say, "Well change happens...deal with it or leave" (which is a real jackass thing to say...that's like coming into someone's home and saying that if they don't like you throwing your trash everywhere, leave) or "Well YOU guys litter and destroy the parks too." Realistically, true Coloradans (for the most part) have incredible appreciation for their surroundings and they don't do that....at all.
Those of us (transplants) that came here for good reasons don't argue. We attempt to sympathize with you. We understand how much it must frustrate you. We have adapted to YOUR ways and not expected this beautiful state to adapt to us. We pick up the trash of the transplants that throw it everywhere. We do our best to take care of this beautiful state and appreciate every morning's incredible sunrise. We know that we are guests, even if we've been here for years and years. We listen to your frustrations because we know that most of you aren't aiming them at people like us; you're aiming them at the jackasses who come here and try to make this state just like California or whatever other state they're trying to change it to. We are trying to earn our place in this beautiful place and show you that we are here to improve and not to take anything away.
So take a moment and try to see the other side of the argument. Believe me, those of us that are transplants who are here for the right reason are just as angry at the jackasses who are spoiling our parks and destroying our beautiful state. We don't take their side. In fact, we may actually be harder on them than natives are because we are angry that we are being lumped in with these jackasses. We're more concerned with them getting it together or getting the hell out of this state than some of the natives are.
My closing statement would be this: Natives, please know that some of us are attempting to improve and maintain and not to change. Please know that some of us understand how frustrating it must be to accept new people coming in and changing things and that we don't want things to change either...we want this beautiful state to stay exactly as it is. We love your state and appreciate those that welcome us and know that we are not the bad guys.
The native's argument on this is quite understandable, in a whole lot of ways. They are frustrated that people come here in droves for the marijuana and now, housing is way overpriced (this is the biggest argument I've heard and I truly agree with it). They are frustrated that people come here and try to change the culture instead of embracing and adapting to it. They are frustrated that transplants come here and litter our beautiful trails, destroy our beautiful surroundings and seem to have no appreciation whatsoever for the beauty around them. They are frustrated that transplants don't pay attention to the signs on nature trails and pollute our lakes. They are frustrated that the traffic is so bad now, as it never used to be this way. They have a simple message: We're full.
The transplants have varied arguments. Those that have come here for the pot seem to stick to the "well none of YOU are actually true natives unless you're Native Americans whose families have been here forever." Okay, that's a semantics argument and, frankly, it's just dumb. You know what the natives are talking about. Those that came here and are trying to change things either say, "Well change happens...deal with it or leave" (which is a real jackass thing to say...that's like coming into someone's home and saying that if they don't like you throwing your trash everywhere, leave) or "Well YOU guys litter and destroy the parks too." Realistically, true Coloradans (for the most part) have incredible appreciation for their surroundings and they don't do that....at all.
Those of us (transplants) that came here for good reasons don't argue. We attempt to sympathize with you. We understand how much it must frustrate you. We have adapted to YOUR ways and not expected this beautiful state to adapt to us. We pick up the trash of the transplants that throw it everywhere. We do our best to take care of this beautiful state and appreciate every morning's incredible sunrise. We know that we are guests, even if we've been here for years and years. We listen to your frustrations because we know that most of you aren't aiming them at people like us; you're aiming them at the jackasses who come here and try to make this state just like California or whatever other state they're trying to change it to. We are trying to earn our place in this beautiful place and show you that we are here to improve and not to take anything away.
So take a moment and try to see the other side of the argument. Believe me, those of us that are transplants who are here for the right reason are just as angry at the jackasses who are spoiling our parks and destroying our beautiful state. We don't take their side. In fact, we may actually be harder on them than natives are because we are angry that we are being lumped in with these jackasses. We're more concerned with them getting it together or getting the hell out of this state than some of the natives are.
My closing statement would be this: Natives, please know that some of us are attempting to improve and maintain and not to change. Please know that some of us understand how frustrating it must be to accept new people coming in and changing things and that we don't want things to change either...we want this beautiful state to stay exactly as it is. We love your state and appreciate those that welcome us and know that we are not the bad guys.
Independence Day
July 4th....Independence Day....A Day that We Remember How Great Our Nation Is Because Of The Freedom We Have
But how many of you have educated your kids on it?
It's no secret that the history lessons in our school, especially with common core, are not exactly up to par. Our kids just aren't learning history anymore the way that they should. It's being shoved aside. It's being changed. They are only getting snippets.
Do the next generation a favor....
Spend a little bit of time telling them WHY we celebrate. Don't allow them to think it's all fireworks and cookouts. Don't allow them to think that it's about sparklers and playing on boats. It's about so much more. Tell them about this incredible country we live in and how fortunate they are.
Happy Independence Day
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Stop Shaming
I posted a picture to social media the other day of a beautiful gay couple (both men) that were doing kangaroo care with their brand new baby. Also included in the picture was the surrogate and her husband and the midwife. It was the most beautiful moment and a gorgeous picture that brought me to tears. The pure emotion on these new daddies faces was absolutely the most amazing thing I'd seen all day and some positivity in the midst of so much awful news in our country. Unfortunately some did not agree.
So I'd like to make this clear....
I am a Christian. I am a straight woman. I am a mom. I am also a supporter of gay marriage and a huge supporter of surrogacy to allow gay couples to have a child. I feel like homosexual individuals have just as much right to live the same life as we do. They have no more right, they have no less right...they have the same right that we do. Here are a few things I'd like to expand on regarding this topic. (and by the way, spare me the "you're not a good Christian" speech. Seriously, look at your own life...if you're sinless, you let me know and we can discuss "good Christians")
*Contrary to what the advocates to the opposite side will tell you, there is absolutely NO conclusive evidence from a real study that will say that having gay parents influences your life negatively. Seriously, this goes for gay parents, single parents, kids that are raised by a grandparent/aunt/uncle, or any other type of family. What matters most in how a child turns out is the love, nurturing and discipline that they receive. I have news...there are a whole lot of gay couples that I'd rather see parent than the neglectful or abusive parents I've run into over the years. So stop it with the "studies"....seriously.
*I cannot, for the life of me, grasp how a gay couple is any less worthy of a child and I cannot wrap my mind around this argument. So what YOU believe should arbitrarily decide what someone else gets in their life. Why? If you truly talked to these couples and heard their stories, you might feel differently. If you saw the love and yearning in their hearts, you might feel differently. In fact, if you took the time to crawl out of your tiny little box and realize that there is a great big world and that these couples would make AMAZING parents, you might change your mind.
*So let's expand on the last point. Judgmental people, how many of you have actually TALKED to a gay couple wanting to have a baby? It's very easy to stand on your soapbox and preach about "right and wrong." What makes it different is actually meeting these individuals and realizing the amazing talents, gifts, beauty, and vibrance their children would bring simply because of the rich life they'd be provided. These couples have doctors and lawyers, politicians, scientists, geologists, designers, artists, dancers, businessmen/women, firemen, police officers...this list goes on and on. Who they love is just a portion of who they are. Take the time to TALK to a gay couple, or for that matter, a gay individual. You'll see that the judgments you are passing are just not fair to anyone involved.
and finally....
*Talk to the children that WERE raised by gay couples that are now adults. Guess what? Gay couples have been around since the beginning of time. Talk to children that were raised by gay parents. Want to know what you'll find out? They're just like everyone else. In fact, they might be given an advantage.... understanding of diversity.
I'm sick to death of people deciding to hate just for the sake of hating. Stop trying to represent Jesus with hate. Jesus didn't hate. Stop trying to represent Jesus with judgments. Jesus hung out with everyone. Stop trying to throw false statistics out....it's a load of crap. Stop trying to talk about what "harm" it would do when you've never even sat down with a gay couple, let alone one looking to adopt. Educate yourself.
So I'd like to make this clear....
I am a Christian. I am a straight woman. I am a mom. I am also a supporter of gay marriage and a huge supporter of surrogacy to allow gay couples to have a child. I feel like homosexual individuals have just as much right to live the same life as we do. They have no more right, they have no less right...they have the same right that we do. Here are a few things I'd like to expand on regarding this topic. (and by the way, spare me the "you're not a good Christian" speech. Seriously, look at your own life...if you're sinless, you let me know and we can discuss "good Christians")
*Contrary to what the advocates to the opposite side will tell you, there is absolutely NO conclusive evidence from a real study that will say that having gay parents influences your life negatively. Seriously, this goes for gay parents, single parents, kids that are raised by a grandparent/aunt/uncle, or any other type of family. What matters most in how a child turns out is the love, nurturing and discipline that they receive. I have news...there are a whole lot of gay couples that I'd rather see parent than the neglectful or abusive parents I've run into over the years. So stop it with the "studies"....seriously.
*I cannot, for the life of me, grasp how a gay couple is any less worthy of a child and I cannot wrap my mind around this argument. So what YOU believe should arbitrarily decide what someone else gets in their life. Why? If you truly talked to these couples and heard their stories, you might feel differently. If you saw the love and yearning in their hearts, you might feel differently. In fact, if you took the time to crawl out of your tiny little box and realize that there is a great big world and that these couples would make AMAZING parents, you might change your mind.
*So let's expand on the last point. Judgmental people, how many of you have actually TALKED to a gay couple wanting to have a baby? It's very easy to stand on your soapbox and preach about "right and wrong." What makes it different is actually meeting these individuals and realizing the amazing talents, gifts, beauty, and vibrance their children would bring simply because of the rich life they'd be provided. These couples have doctors and lawyers, politicians, scientists, geologists, designers, artists, dancers, businessmen/women, firemen, police officers...this list goes on and on. Who they love is just a portion of who they are. Take the time to TALK to a gay couple, or for that matter, a gay individual. You'll see that the judgments you are passing are just not fair to anyone involved.
and finally....
*Talk to the children that WERE raised by gay couples that are now adults. Guess what? Gay couples have been around since the beginning of time. Talk to children that were raised by gay parents. Want to know what you'll find out? They're just like everyone else. In fact, they might be given an advantage.... understanding of diversity.
I'm sick to death of people deciding to hate just for the sake of hating. Stop trying to represent Jesus with hate. Jesus didn't hate. Stop trying to represent Jesus with judgments. Jesus hung out with everyone. Stop trying to throw false statistics out....it's a load of crap. Stop trying to talk about what "harm" it would do when you've never even sat down with a gay couple, let alone one looking to adopt. Educate yourself.
10 Ways to Get Your Kids' Attention
Parents everywhere throw their hands up when they think that they are finally going to get five minutes of peace, only to have it interrupted. Here are 10 surefire ways to get your kids' attention...
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Stop Sissifying the Kids
I'd like to touch on a somewhat sensitive topic to some.... the fact that we are making our kids into a bunch of sissies. I know, I know.... but the studies say. Well, let me let you in on a little secret: the studies can be tilted to say ANYTHING you want them to say. There are studies on either side. Do you want to know what my studies are? Decades of kids that weren't a bunch of sissified fuss buckets because their parents didn't tolerate it.
Look, I'm not suggested we beat our kids with a paddle or anything. What I AM suggesting is the idea that it's okay to tell them "no." It's okay to tell them that they're acting like a brat...not that they ARE a brat but that they're acting like one. It's okay to tell them that they aren't allowed to do things "because I said so." Allow me to explain my thought process....
When you are constantly feeling the need to "explain yourself" to your kids because "they're little people," what you're teaching them is that they are on the same emotional and mental level that you are. It is one thing to explain something to a curious child. It is quite another to explain something to a kid that is challenging your authority just to get your goat. "But they just want to know." No, no they don't. Kids are smart. You know, deep down, that there are a whole lot of times that your kid is just trying to challenge your authority and test your boundaries. Why? Because that's what kids do! Kids are designed to learn by testing the limits, challenging authority. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when "Authority" bends to the child's will because they don't want to hurt their feelings.
I'm not suggesting you call your child an asshole. But let's face it, sometimes they are acting like an asshole. It's okay to say, "Hey, you're being a real turd right now and you need to stop." Having older kids now, I can tell you that it doesn't break their spirit to let them know they're being a butt. On the contrary, it lets them know that the boundary has been reached. Mom's done dealing with it and I need to turn it around. Of course, you should encourage your kids and give them regular "atta boys" but it's okay to give them a "knock that shit off" once in awhile too. Again, kids are designed to learn by testing limits and challenging authority. When "Authority" is too afraid to tell them that they've reached the limit, they'll never know where the limit is.
I'm not suggesting that you ignore your child's cries but when you know your six year old is throwing a fit just to be dramatic, it's okay to call them out on it. It's okay to tell them, "When you're done acting like a two year old, we'll talk. Right now, I don't want to talk to you because you're throwing a fit over nothing." It's okay to walk away. It's okay to put them in their room. "But the studies say I should cuddle them or they'll feel abandoned." Bullshit. You cuddle them when they're feeling insecure, sad or are crying for a real reason. You don't cuddle them because they're taking out their anger by screaming at you. It's okay to draw a line. I'll say it a third time: Kids learn by testing limits and challenging authority. If "Authority" is too scared to draw a line, they will never know where that line is.
Stop turning your kid into a sissy by constantly being afraid of them. It's your job to raise them, not to cater to their whimsies. It's your job to teach them to be productive members of society where they will NOT be constantly given into because "it's not fair." Believe me, you are doing them a favor to prepare them for what's going on in the outside world. YES they need to know they have a safe place to land but they also need to know that the world will not constantly negotiate their every desire because they want it that way. You can be their best friend when they're older. Right now it's your job to be their parent and sometimes they're not gonna like it, and probably going to be mad at you. Relax, know it will pass, and know that they will do great things in the world if they know how to function in it BEFORE they leave the nest.
Look, I'm not suggested we beat our kids with a paddle or anything. What I AM suggesting is the idea that it's okay to tell them "no." It's okay to tell them that they're acting like a brat...not that they ARE a brat but that they're acting like one. It's okay to tell them that they aren't allowed to do things "because I said so." Allow me to explain my thought process....
When you are constantly feeling the need to "explain yourself" to your kids because "they're little people," what you're teaching them is that they are on the same emotional and mental level that you are. It is one thing to explain something to a curious child. It is quite another to explain something to a kid that is challenging your authority just to get your goat. "But they just want to know." No, no they don't. Kids are smart. You know, deep down, that there are a whole lot of times that your kid is just trying to challenge your authority and test your boundaries. Why? Because that's what kids do! Kids are designed to learn by testing the limits, challenging authority. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when "Authority" bends to the child's will because they don't want to hurt their feelings.
I'm not suggesting you call your child an asshole. But let's face it, sometimes they are acting like an asshole. It's okay to say, "Hey, you're being a real turd right now and you need to stop." Having older kids now, I can tell you that it doesn't break their spirit to let them know they're being a butt. On the contrary, it lets them know that the boundary has been reached. Mom's done dealing with it and I need to turn it around. Of course, you should encourage your kids and give them regular "atta boys" but it's okay to give them a "knock that shit off" once in awhile too. Again, kids are designed to learn by testing limits and challenging authority. When "Authority" is too afraid to tell them that they've reached the limit, they'll never know where the limit is.
I'm not suggesting that you ignore your child's cries but when you know your six year old is throwing a fit just to be dramatic, it's okay to call them out on it. It's okay to tell them, "When you're done acting like a two year old, we'll talk. Right now, I don't want to talk to you because you're throwing a fit over nothing." It's okay to walk away. It's okay to put them in their room. "But the studies say I should cuddle them or they'll feel abandoned." Bullshit. You cuddle them when they're feeling insecure, sad or are crying for a real reason. You don't cuddle them because they're taking out their anger by screaming at you. It's okay to draw a line. I'll say it a third time: Kids learn by testing limits and challenging authority. If "Authority" is too scared to draw a line, they will never know where that line is.
Stop turning your kid into a sissy by constantly being afraid of them. It's your job to raise them, not to cater to their whimsies. It's your job to teach them to be productive members of society where they will NOT be constantly given into because "it's not fair." Believe me, you are doing them a favor to prepare them for what's going on in the outside world. YES they need to know they have a safe place to land but they also need to know that the world will not constantly negotiate their every desire because they want it that way. You can be their best friend when they're older. Right now it's your job to be their parent and sometimes they're not gonna like it, and probably going to be mad at you. Relax, know it will pass, and know that they will do great things in the world if they know how to function in it BEFORE they leave the nest.
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