I'd like to touch on a somewhat sensitive topic to some.... the fact that we are making our kids into a bunch of sissies. I know, I know.... but the studies say. Well, let me let you in on a little secret: the studies can be tilted to say ANYTHING you want them to say. There are studies on either side. Do you want to know what my studies are? Decades of kids that weren't a bunch of sissified fuss buckets because their parents didn't tolerate it.
Look, I'm not suggested we beat our kids with a paddle or anything. What I AM suggesting is the idea that it's okay to tell them "no." It's okay to tell them that they're acting like a brat...not that they ARE a brat but that they're acting like one. It's okay to tell them that they aren't allowed to do things "because I said so." Allow me to explain my thought process....
When you are constantly feeling the need to "explain yourself" to your kids because "they're little people," what you're teaching them is that they are on the same emotional and mental level that you are. It is one thing to explain something to a curious child. It is quite another to explain something to a kid that is challenging your authority just to get your goat. "But they just want to know." No, no they don't. Kids are smart. You know, deep down, that there are a whole lot of times that your kid is just trying to challenge your authority and test your boundaries. Why? Because that's what kids do! Kids are designed to learn by testing the limits, challenging authority. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when "Authority" bends to the child's will because they don't want to hurt their feelings.
I'm not suggesting you call your child an asshole. But let's face it, sometimes they are acting like an asshole. It's okay to say, "Hey, you're being a real turd right now and you need to stop." Having older kids now, I can tell you that it doesn't break their spirit to let them know they're being a butt. On the contrary, it lets them know that the boundary has been reached. Mom's done dealing with it and I need to turn it around. Of course, you should encourage your kids and give them regular "atta boys" but it's okay to give them a "knock that shit off" once in awhile too. Again, kids are designed to learn by testing limits and challenging authority. When "Authority" is too afraid to tell them that they've reached the limit, they'll never know where the limit is.
I'm not suggesting that you ignore your child's cries but when you know your six year old is throwing a fit just to be dramatic, it's okay to call them out on it. It's okay to tell them, "When you're done acting like a two year old, we'll talk. Right now, I don't want to talk to you because you're throwing a fit over nothing." It's okay to walk away. It's okay to put them in their room. "But the studies say I should cuddle them or they'll feel abandoned." Bullshit. You cuddle them when they're feeling insecure, sad or are crying for a real reason. You don't cuddle them because they're taking out their anger by screaming at you. It's okay to draw a line. I'll say it a third time: Kids learn by testing limits and challenging authority. If "Authority" is too scared to draw a line, they will never know where that line is.
Stop turning your kid into a sissy by constantly being afraid of them. It's your job to raise them, not to cater to their whimsies. It's your job to teach them to be productive members of society where they will NOT be constantly given into because "it's not fair." Believe me, you are doing them a favor to prepare them for what's going on in the outside world. YES they need to know they have a safe place to land but they also need to know that the world will not constantly negotiate their every desire because they want it that way. You can be their best friend when they're older. Right now it's your job to be their parent and sometimes they're not gonna like it, and probably going to be mad at you. Relax, know it will pass, and know that they will do great things in the world if they know how to function in it BEFORE they leave the nest.
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