Our entire culture has become one of no apologies. Instead of accepting the blame for what we've done and genuinely apologizing, we spend all of our time saying, "Don't judge me" and "it's not my fault." As parents, I think we tend to feel like this is our only option sometimes. The world can be a very harsh place. We are already constantly second guessing ourselves and when we screw up, we feel like everyone else will be judging us too. In some cases, it might be true. People WILL judge you but it's all about your approach as to how badly.
Let me explain.....
If you make a mistake and your response is "Don't judge me" or "it's not my fault," people are going to judge you. Why? You're expressly denying anything you contributed. Instead of trying to own your behavior and, therefore, expressing a desire to modify your future behavior, you are essentially saying, "I don't care if I messed up. I'll do it again if I have the chance." It might not be your intent but it's the message you convey. Am I saying that you should never take this approach? No. However, be careful what situations you use it with because it WILL come back to you in spades.
So how should you approach it?
Well, my recommendation is to be honest. If you inappropriately handled something, apologize. Seriously...Say, "I made a mistake. I hope you can forgive me." Immediately, it will take MOST people from the defensive position to the offensive position. It also opens a door to understanding what's required to modify your behavior. All of the sudden, the same people that were looking at your behavior and tsk-tsk-ing you are standing at your side and saying, "They messed up but they're sorry. Now back off." Your critics become your defenders. On top of that, you are genuinely learning and growing as a person.
While you think you're doing yourself a favor "avoiding" judgment, the reality is that you are opening yourself up to a world of criticism that you don't need. Do yourself a REAL favor and just own up and apologize. It will come back to you in amazing ways.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Monday, May 30, 2016
Memorial Day Thanks
Okay, I'd like to make a little PSA:
Armed Forces Day is to honor the currently serving.
Memorial Day is to honor the fallen.
Veterans Day is to honor those that have served in the past.
With that out of the way, I'd like to make a bit of an announcement. I keep seeing memes that say "Don't thank someone for their service on Memorial Day." While I understand that they are trying to make the distinction apparent, I have a bit of a problem with that. Why? Because I make it a habit to thank them every day of the year. Allow me to explain....
I think that our military is such an absolutely essential part of our country. They make tremendous sacrifices. Their families make sacrifices at home. Our servicemen put their lives on the line daily to defend our freedom.
Why would I NOT thank them every day of the year?
While I understand what our focus should be on today, I have no intention of not thanking someone who has served on this day just because others have fallen. Their service is still important to me and I am still thankful. While my focus, today, will be on the lives lost defending our freedom and remembering them as well as honoring them, I will continue to be thankful for those that continue to fight as well. It's a daily gratitude for me.
So to the families of those that have been lost, thank you. We honor your precious loved ones today (and always) and we are so grateful for them. The sacrifices they made are why we are free today and we have no words to describe our sorrow for you but our grateful, grateful hearts.
Armed Forces Day is to honor the currently serving.
Memorial Day is to honor the fallen.
Veterans Day is to honor those that have served in the past.
With that out of the way, I'd like to make a bit of an announcement. I keep seeing memes that say "Don't thank someone for their service on Memorial Day." While I understand that they are trying to make the distinction apparent, I have a bit of a problem with that. Why? Because I make it a habit to thank them every day of the year. Allow me to explain....
I think that our military is such an absolutely essential part of our country. They make tremendous sacrifices. Their families make sacrifices at home. Our servicemen put their lives on the line daily to defend our freedom.
Why would I NOT thank them every day of the year?
While I understand what our focus should be on today, I have no intention of not thanking someone who has served on this day just because others have fallen. Their service is still important to me and I am still thankful. While my focus, today, will be on the lives lost defending our freedom and remembering them as well as honoring them, I will continue to be thankful for those that continue to fight as well. It's a daily gratitude for me.
So to the families of those that have been lost, thank you. We honor your precious loved ones today (and always) and we are so grateful for them. The sacrifices they made are why we are free today and we have no words to describe our sorrow for you but our grateful, grateful hearts.
Harambe
I had very mixed feelings on the incident with the boy falling into the gorilla pit. Like a whole lot of people, I think I had a wide variety of emotions hit me all at once. There see to be two sides to the argument and they are, as always, angry at each other for feeling that way. I sit somewhere in the middle. Here are my thoughts....
1. This mom should have been paying more attention to her kid. Yes, accidents happen. Yes, kids can "slip away." There are witnesses that say that this kid kept saying he wanted to go into the enclosure, swim, etc. Not to mention, I'm guessing this is not the first time her little guy got into mischief. If you know your child is prone to bolting in traffic, you hold their hand. If you know they are prone to climbing on things, you do NOT take your eyes off of them to take a picture at the zoo. I'm sorry. You don't.
2. With that said, she's human and she made a mistake. Yes, that mistake resulted in the death of a beautiful, majestic creature. Yes, that mistake could have been prevented. Yes that mistake will forever make her the butt of some ugly, ugly comments. She fucked up (for lack of better word). If you've never made a mistake, cast the first stone, you know?
3. This was NOT the boys' fault. Yes, he was old enough to know not to climb but he is still a child and his parents are responsible for his supervision.
4. This was not because the zoo neglected to have a safe environment as far as I can tell. I've been to this zoo and, like all other zoos I've been to, there are bushes, fences, etc to navigate in order to see the animals. Zoos have signs all over asking people not to climb. Zoos have clear barricades to the exhibits in order to prevent you from harming yourself. If you choose to climb on these barricades or allow your child to do so, YOU are responsible for the decision, not the zoo.
5. In my personal opinion, this gorilla was not intent on harming the child until the screaming and shouting riled him up. Did he "drag him violently?" He dragged him like he'd drag his own baby. If he had wanted this child dead, the child would have been dead. Period. They are powerful and very able to kill a grown man. Believe me, I understand everyone being shocked and yelling but it did nothing to help this child.
6. I get the concept of why they didn't use a tranquilizer. Tranquilizers take awhile to work and can often agitate the animals. They were putting the best interest of the child ahead of the animal. The child is now safe and was released from the hospital.
7. I'm deeply, deeply saddened by Harambe's death. This was preventable. This was highly, highly preventable. This creature, that is endangered as a species, is now gone and it was not his fault.
Before you get on your high horse for either side of this argument, know that this is just my opinion on the matter. I don't want the mother arrested for neglect and I don't think she should be able to sue the zoo. I think this was a terrible, terrible tragedy and may Harambe rest in peace.
1. This mom should have been paying more attention to her kid. Yes, accidents happen. Yes, kids can "slip away." There are witnesses that say that this kid kept saying he wanted to go into the enclosure, swim, etc. Not to mention, I'm guessing this is not the first time her little guy got into mischief. If you know your child is prone to bolting in traffic, you hold their hand. If you know they are prone to climbing on things, you do NOT take your eyes off of them to take a picture at the zoo. I'm sorry. You don't.
2. With that said, she's human and she made a mistake. Yes, that mistake resulted in the death of a beautiful, majestic creature. Yes, that mistake could have been prevented. Yes that mistake will forever make her the butt of some ugly, ugly comments. She fucked up (for lack of better word). If you've never made a mistake, cast the first stone, you know?
3. This was NOT the boys' fault. Yes, he was old enough to know not to climb but he is still a child and his parents are responsible for his supervision.
4. This was not because the zoo neglected to have a safe environment as far as I can tell. I've been to this zoo and, like all other zoos I've been to, there are bushes, fences, etc to navigate in order to see the animals. Zoos have signs all over asking people not to climb. Zoos have clear barricades to the exhibits in order to prevent you from harming yourself. If you choose to climb on these barricades or allow your child to do so, YOU are responsible for the decision, not the zoo.
5. In my personal opinion, this gorilla was not intent on harming the child until the screaming and shouting riled him up. Did he "drag him violently?" He dragged him like he'd drag his own baby. If he had wanted this child dead, the child would have been dead. Period. They are powerful and very able to kill a grown man. Believe me, I understand everyone being shocked and yelling but it did nothing to help this child.
6. I get the concept of why they didn't use a tranquilizer. Tranquilizers take awhile to work and can often agitate the animals. They were putting the best interest of the child ahead of the animal. The child is now safe and was released from the hospital.
7. I'm deeply, deeply saddened by Harambe's death. This was preventable. This was highly, highly preventable. This creature, that is endangered as a species, is now gone and it was not his fault.
Before you get on your high horse for either side of this argument, know that this is just my opinion on the matter. I don't want the mother arrested for neglect and I don't think she should be able to sue the zoo. I think this was a terrible, terrible tragedy and may Harambe rest in peace.
A Nugget For The Discouraged
Remember when your little one was born and you marveled at his teeny tiny feet as you counted all of his perfect little toes? For some reason, baby feet are an obsession of many women (myself included). We want pictures of them. We want to look at them and touch them. Little baby feet seem to hold a world of possibilities for where they'll travel in the future.
Now fast forward 13 years....those feet are no longer small. They are gargantuan. They are no longer sweet-smelling....they're awful. They're no longer wonderful to look at....they are dirty and calloused. Still, they hold a world of possibilities.
The point in all of this is that sometimes the way that a "dream" looks changes a bit. It doesn't change the long term goal or outcome but it changes the way it looks on the way. Sometimes it looks a bit messy and calloused but it's still the same dream.
Just a bit of a thought if you're feeling discouraged.
Now fast forward 13 years....those feet are no longer small. They are gargantuan. They are no longer sweet-smelling....they're awful. They're no longer wonderful to look at....they are dirty and calloused. Still, they hold a world of possibilities.
The point in all of this is that sometimes the way that a "dream" looks changes a bit. It doesn't change the long term goal or outcome but it changes the way it looks on the way. Sometimes it looks a bit messy and calloused but it's still the same dream.
Just a bit of a thought if you're feeling discouraged.
Friday, May 27, 2016
School Dress Codes Aimed at Girls
There is a whole movement (for lack of better word) about how school dress codes are shaming girls. I don't tend to offend easily nor do I like to jump to conclusions; therefore, I wanted to look into it a bit more. I spent a series of several months looking up 25 different school dress codes other than my kids' schools. My criteria was that it had to be a public school and had to have a handbook available on the school or district's website. I tried to vary locations to represent a wide variety of places in the country.
What I found was relatively disturbing. When I reviewed dress codes, I found that nearly all of the rules either directly mentioned girls or were implied toward feminine clothes (aka spaghetti straps). Boys were essentially told that they had to have their pants pulled up to the appropriate level (which was actually aimed toward girls too) and that they couldn't wear muscle shirts or tank tops (at some schools). Girls were told that they couldn't wear spaghetti straps, tank tops, muscle shirts, anything that showed any skin on the back, anything that cut too low in the front, anything that showed their stomach when they lifted their arms and couldn't have bra straps showing. They were told that their shorts, skirts, and dresses had to go to the tip of their middle finger with their arms down or, in some cases, down to their knee. They were told that they couldn't have "excessively sized" earrings and no distracting jewelry. They can't wear open toe shoes (which would apply to boys in flip flops/sandals as well), heels, or anything strappy even if it had a closed toe. None of the kids could have "distracting" color in their hair at some schools. Girls weren't allowed to carry purses at a whole lot of schools. A clear 80-85% of rules were aimed at girls.
Why?
The explanation seems to be given that it's "distracting" but my question is "to whom?" Instead of teaching boys to keep their eyes on the road (so to speak), we are teaching girls that it's their fault if boys are distracted. We are teaching girls that if they wear a tank top, they might cause a boy to be so distracted that he might get poor grades. We are teaching girls that if they have mid-thigh length shorts, boys might be so distracted that they'll get into trouble. But why? Why is that the girl's fault? Why are we not teaching our boys to be responsible for their own bodies and their own actions?
I think the cherry on top of the crap sundae for me was seeing a boy in one of the local schools wearing a shirt that says "Cool story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich." Hold the phone.... so it's not okay for a girl to wear a v-neck shirt but it's okay for a boy to wear a completely sexist shirt? (Don't get me wrong...I think the shirt is funny in a lewd way but for an adult....a teenage kid shouldn't be wearing that. I wouldn't buy it personally but I wouldn't be offend if I saw an adult man wearing it....I just wouldn't be surprised if he was an eternal bachelor with that attitude). I'm just not exactly certain how THAT isn't considered distracting with all the rules that are aimed at girls. I happen to know that the girls' rules are enforced pretty strictly...yet this is okay.
Being a mom of boys (and girls), I find this completely unacceptable. Either we have a dress code to prevent distraction for all students or we stop putting so many restrictions on the kids. When we stop allowing the American flag to be worn but we allow Black Panther shirts to be worn and not considered distracting, we are creating a double standard. When we stop allowing girls to wear a shirt with a cut out in the back but allow boys to wear a shirt that is clearly demoralizing toward women, we are creating a double standard. When we teach people that they can't wear a shirt promoting Christianity or Mormonism or Buddhism but we can promote atheism, it's a double standard. Why are we teaching our boys (and girls) that they aren't responsible for their actions...that clothes can "make" them do things?
After doing all of this "research", I think there need to be some serious changes made to our thinking. If we are truly trying to protect our children, we need to teach them to be responsible for their bodies and minds. We need to teach them that they have the control to take care of themselves. We need to stop teaching our girls that what they wear makes them responsible for what other people choose to do. Period. This is not okay.
What I found was relatively disturbing. When I reviewed dress codes, I found that nearly all of the rules either directly mentioned girls or were implied toward feminine clothes (aka spaghetti straps). Boys were essentially told that they had to have their pants pulled up to the appropriate level (which was actually aimed toward girls too) and that they couldn't wear muscle shirts or tank tops (at some schools). Girls were told that they couldn't wear spaghetti straps, tank tops, muscle shirts, anything that showed any skin on the back, anything that cut too low in the front, anything that showed their stomach when they lifted their arms and couldn't have bra straps showing. They were told that their shorts, skirts, and dresses had to go to the tip of their middle finger with their arms down or, in some cases, down to their knee. They were told that they couldn't have "excessively sized" earrings and no distracting jewelry. They can't wear open toe shoes (which would apply to boys in flip flops/sandals as well), heels, or anything strappy even if it had a closed toe. None of the kids could have "distracting" color in their hair at some schools. Girls weren't allowed to carry purses at a whole lot of schools. A clear 80-85% of rules were aimed at girls.
Why?
The explanation seems to be given that it's "distracting" but my question is "to whom?" Instead of teaching boys to keep their eyes on the road (so to speak), we are teaching girls that it's their fault if boys are distracted. We are teaching girls that if they wear a tank top, they might cause a boy to be so distracted that he might get poor grades. We are teaching girls that if they have mid-thigh length shorts, boys might be so distracted that they'll get into trouble. But why? Why is that the girl's fault? Why are we not teaching our boys to be responsible for their own bodies and their own actions?
I think the cherry on top of the crap sundae for me was seeing a boy in one of the local schools wearing a shirt that says "Cool story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich." Hold the phone.... so it's not okay for a girl to wear a v-neck shirt but it's okay for a boy to wear a completely sexist shirt? (Don't get me wrong...I think the shirt is funny in a lewd way but for an adult....a teenage kid shouldn't be wearing that. I wouldn't buy it personally but I wouldn't be offend if I saw an adult man wearing it....I just wouldn't be surprised if he was an eternal bachelor with that attitude). I'm just not exactly certain how THAT isn't considered distracting with all the rules that are aimed at girls. I happen to know that the girls' rules are enforced pretty strictly...yet this is okay.
Being a mom of boys (and girls), I find this completely unacceptable. Either we have a dress code to prevent distraction for all students or we stop putting so many restrictions on the kids. When we stop allowing the American flag to be worn but we allow Black Panther shirts to be worn and not considered distracting, we are creating a double standard. When we stop allowing girls to wear a shirt with a cut out in the back but allow boys to wear a shirt that is clearly demoralizing toward women, we are creating a double standard. When we teach people that they can't wear a shirt promoting Christianity or Mormonism or Buddhism but we can promote atheism, it's a double standard. Why are we teaching our boys (and girls) that they aren't responsible for their actions...that clothes can "make" them do things?
After doing all of this "research", I think there need to be some serious changes made to our thinking. If we are truly trying to protect our children, we need to teach them to be responsible for their bodies and minds. We need to teach them that they have the control to take care of themselves. We need to stop teaching our girls that what they wear makes them responsible for what other people choose to do. Period. This is not okay.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
"Mean Kids"
If you ask my kids about "mean kids," they will likely roll their eyes and repeat the talk we've had a million times: "Mean kids are often the kids that need your kindness the most." It's a mantra we repeat over and over. It's kind of a nicer, simpler way of saying, "Kill em with kindness." It's something we talk about frequently for a number of reasons. I truly believe that about 90% of "mean kids" in elementary school (and sometimes beyond) are kids that have had some challenges. These challenges can range from lack of self confidence to abuse at home. In short, they aren't "mean", they're in need of kindness.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
Participation Awards
I keep seeing posts about it being awards season and the fact that everyone should get an award. I have really mixed feelings about this. Allow me to explain......
I, first, want to address the parents of kids that have challenges. I'm not just referring to "diagnosed" challenges. I'm referring to any kind of challenges from having a hard time learning to ride a bike to just being painfully shy. Kids can be ruthless. I understand how hard it is for some of these kids to watch their classmates get awards for being the best at this or the best at that. Meanwhile they sit by and feel like they have this greatness inside them but there are hurdles to them being able to let it out. My son went through years of doing wonderful in school but having a whole lot of sad days over kids treating him like garbage for having challenges. In those years, I wished there would have been an award for effort. I wished there would have been an award for every day he tried so hard to make a friend. I wished there would have been an award for how hard he worked to learn to ride his bike or tie his shoes. I was so sad for him.
Now that he's overcome so many obstacles, I'm thankful...and so is he. We talked about this yesterday when his "moving up" ceremony happened (moving to junior high) and he said that he was thankful for those challenges because they made him who he is. Every time he didn't get an award, it made him work harder. He didn't feel bad about himself because he had a great support system of family, teachers and staff letting him know that he was wonderful and to keep plugging away. He knew he was an amazing kid and that, eventually, if he kept working hard, he would have his chance to shine. This year has been a year to shine for him. He had honor roll the whole year. He got awards for being a great kid. He was bragged on and told how wonderful he was on the daily by a great teacher. For all the challenging years, he had an amazing year this year that made up for everything and let him shine.
We've discussed that not every year will be like this. We've discussed that starting junior high might mean all new challenges. We've discussed how other people might get some awards again. The important thing is that he "gets" it. He understands that working toward a goal will eventually result in an "award." Some of the "awards" might be a certificate or a scholarship. Some of them might just be a teacher who makes a huge deal about how great you are. He understands that he is not defined by a piece of paper or by a scholarship; he is defined by who he is as a person.
So, while I appreciate the struggle, I stand firm to the fact that we shouldn't give awards to everyone. Our job is to teach our kids about the real world and the real world doesn't give out awards to everyone. You don't get a gold medal simply for participating in the Olympics. There will always be a time when someone is better than you at something. There will, also, be times to teach others who aren't at your level....and that is just as important. We need to teach our kids to define themselves by something more than paper. It's not about impressing other kids or impressing a bunch of parents at an assembly...it's about impressing YOURSELF and doing the best that you can do. Eventually, their efforts will be recognized.
I, first, want to address the parents of kids that have challenges. I'm not just referring to "diagnosed" challenges. I'm referring to any kind of challenges from having a hard time learning to ride a bike to just being painfully shy. Kids can be ruthless. I understand how hard it is for some of these kids to watch their classmates get awards for being the best at this or the best at that. Meanwhile they sit by and feel like they have this greatness inside them but there are hurdles to them being able to let it out. My son went through years of doing wonderful in school but having a whole lot of sad days over kids treating him like garbage for having challenges. In those years, I wished there would have been an award for effort. I wished there would have been an award for every day he tried so hard to make a friend. I wished there would have been an award for how hard he worked to learn to ride his bike or tie his shoes. I was so sad for him.
Now that he's overcome so many obstacles, I'm thankful...and so is he. We talked about this yesterday when his "moving up" ceremony happened (moving to junior high) and he said that he was thankful for those challenges because they made him who he is. Every time he didn't get an award, it made him work harder. He didn't feel bad about himself because he had a great support system of family, teachers and staff letting him know that he was wonderful and to keep plugging away. He knew he was an amazing kid and that, eventually, if he kept working hard, he would have his chance to shine. This year has been a year to shine for him. He had honor roll the whole year. He got awards for being a great kid. He was bragged on and told how wonderful he was on the daily by a great teacher. For all the challenging years, he had an amazing year this year that made up for everything and let him shine.
We've discussed that not every year will be like this. We've discussed that starting junior high might mean all new challenges. We've discussed how other people might get some awards again. The important thing is that he "gets" it. He understands that working toward a goal will eventually result in an "award." Some of the "awards" might be a certificate or a scholarship. Some of them might just be a teacher who makes a huge deal about how great you are. He understands that he is not defined by a piece of paper or by a scholarship; he is defined by who he is as a person.
So, while I appreciate the struggle, I stand firm to the fact that we shouldn't give awards to everyone. Our job is to teach our kids about the real world and the real world doesn't give out awards to everyone. You don't get a gold medal simply for participating in the Olympics. There will always be a time when someone is better than you at something. There will, also, be times to teach others who aren't at your level....and that is just as important. We need to teach our kids to define themselves by something more than paper. It's not about impressing other kids or impressing a bunch of parents at an assembly...it's about impressing YOURSELF and doing the best that you can do. Eventually, their efforts will be recognized.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
The Meme That Says Getting Kicked In the Balls Hurts Worse Than Labor
There has been a meme traveling around social media that men are widely displaying. What does it say? Simply this: "A kick in the balls is above 9000 del (units) of pain which is similar to giving birth to 160 kids & breaking up to 3200 bones at a time." The men are posting with captions that say "haha" and "See? Ladies quit your bitching." Sadly, boys, it's just not true. This is a made up fact and you need to fact check before you start posting and razzing the ladies.
Exhibit A: http://www.medicaldaily.com/why-getting-kicked-nuts-will-knock-even-strongest-man-down-304788
Exhibit B: http://factsfromfiction.blogspot.com/2012/05/human-body-handles-45-dels-units-of.html
So let me sum up what you'll learn if you read up:
1. The "del" is a made up unit. There is a unit called the "dol" which is from the Latin word "dolor" but it is seldom used and never really caught on after its start in the 1950s.
2. There is not an actual "human limit" of pain. The idea of this meme is based on the fact that the "human limit" of pain is supposedly 45 dels and women experience 57 dels of pain during childbirth. Men also don't experience 9000 "dels" of pain being that it is crazy to assume they could surpass a supposed pain threshold by that much. This is rumor, folks. Again, "dels" don't exist and there is no actual number threshold.
3. Your nociceptors are what expresses pain. One side of it is directly related to short term pain with many more receptors. The other side of it has fewer receptors and is responsible for dull pain. Your nociceptors are essentially what triggers "pain."
4. While men's jumblies are connected to nociceptors in the stomach, hence why you feel abdominal pain when getting kicked in the junk, women's reproductive system are connected to the same visceral muscles. Same essential "pain", guys, sorry.
5. Labor, on average, lasts 8 hours. While they're in labor, they are dealing with tension and stretching of many muscles that causes localized, intense pain. Yes, boys, you do get the same nausea, etc when you get kicked in the nuts that women feel during labor but you are experiencing it for less than a half an hour.
6. Evolution has led to women having smaller hips but babies having bigger heads. You do the math.
7. Pain is subjective. Everyone perceives pain in a different way.
In short, there is no way to accurately measure this BUT it is likely that it CAN be just as painful on both sides, however it is longer and has more additional uglies that go with it in labor.
Do your research before posting and teasing people. Put this argument to rest and understand that both are painful.
(oh and by the way, my SHORTEST labor was 10 hours.....with no pain meds......no epidural.....so please don't lecture me on getting kicked in the nuts. I get it, it hurts. Until you have 10 hours of that pain and have to, then, squeeze a watermelon sized object from a coin sized hole, we can call it a draw...and I'm being generous.)
Monday, May 23, 2016
Rec League Sports Parents
As a sports mama, I have to say that I'm amazed at the audacity of people in the crowds of rec leagues. I completely understand the competitive nature that lives inside of all of us (some more than others) but I'm floored at the language and actions of the parents, family and friends of those watching rec leagues. Here are my feelings on the topic....
1. It is NEVER okay to insult another player on your team or your opponent's. NEVER. You absolutely may not treat these kids like they fall under your little insult umbrella because you're unhappy with their play. It's a rec league. Stop it. Seriously.
2. No one is more passionate about sports than this mama but passion means respect for the sport and the athletes playing it. Stop acting like you're some damn NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL coach. Seriously.
3. Respect the coaches. Most of the time, these coaches are volunteers. Their concern is more for making sure that the kids involved have fun, get a chance to play and learn to love the game.
4. Respect the refs. Against, mostly volunteers. Everyone makes mistakes, folks. It's a rec league, it's not the NHL playoffs.
5. Cheer for your team...your WHOLE team. I don't care if they never hit a ball or drop the ball every time it's hit to them. Cheer for them anyway.
Here are 10 things you should NEVER do as a rec league sports parent....
1. NEVER boo the other team. Seriously, sometimes where they get put is just luck of the draw. These kids do not deserve to be boo'ed. They're doing their best.
2. NEVER boo anyone on your own team. Yes, I've seen this happen. No, it's not okay. Ever.
3. NEVER yell at your coach for letting everyone play. That's their "job." How else are these kids going to learn?
4. NEVER yell at your kid on the field, sidelines or bench. I'm sorry but it's never okay to humiliate them while they're in the middle of a game.
5. NEVER yell at the refs. This is not professional sports, folks. Sometimes they miss the call. It's not the end of the world.
6. NEVER throw things on the field. Yup, I've seen this too.
7. NEVER trash talk kids in the stands. First of all, we don't like to hear our kids trash talked. Secondly, we don't like to hear other kids trash talked. Third, you're a douche if you do this.
8. NEVER encourage your kid to cheat. Yup, I"ve seen it.
9. NEVER encourage your child to hurt someone else. Sadly, seen this too.
10. NEVER forget that this is not a professional league. Your kids aren't getting paid and this isn't for a scholarship. They're learning and having fun.
Here are 5 things you ABSOLUTELY should do as a rec league sports parent....
1. Give a cheer for EVERYONE. Yes, I understand your team is playing an opponent but it's perfectly okay to say, "Great catch" or "Nice throw" to an opponent's child. It certainly doesn't hurt your team and, let's face it, you may just make that kid's day.
2. Teach your kid to be a good sport. If you're winning, you're not taunting the other team. If you're losing, you're not acting like a brat about it. and you ALWAYS go shake hands after the game.
3. Let the coach know you're behind them. Tell your coach you appreciate them. They're likely volunteering their time and energy being there.
4. Let the refs know you respect their calls. Period.
5. Remember that your kids are playing to learn to love the game. Remember that they're learning the rules and techniques on how to be a better player. Down the road, maybe you can cheer for them in a professional game. For now, just be glad they're making effort, working hard and your support means more to them than anything else.
1. It is NEVER okay to insult another player on your team or your opponent's. NEVER. You absolutely may not treat these kids like they fall under your little insult umbrella because you're unhappy with their play. It's a rec league. Stop it. Seriously.
2. No one is more passionate about sports than this mama but passion means respect for the sport and the athletes playing it. Stop acting like you're some damn NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL coach. Seriously.
3. Respect the coaches. Most of the time, these coaches are volunteers. Their concern is more for making sure that the kids involved have fun, get a chance to play and learn to love the game.
4. Respect the refs. Against, mostly volunteers. Everyone makes mistakes, folks. It's a rec league, it's not the NHL playoffs.
5. Cheer for your team...your WHOLE team. I don't care if they never hit a ball or drop the ball every time it's hit to them. Cheer for them anyway.
Here are 10 things you should NEVER do as a rec league sports parent....
1. NEVER boo the other team. Seriously, sometimes where they get put is just luck of the draw. These kids do not deserve to be boo'ed. They're doing their best.
2. NEVER boo anyone on your own team. Yes, I've seen this happen. No, it's not okay. Ever.
3. NEVER yell at your coach for letting everyone play. That's their "job." How else are these kids going to learn?
4. NEVER yell at your kid on the field, sidelines or bench. I'm sorry but it's never okay to humiliate them while they're in the middle of a game.
5. NEVER yell at the refs. This is not professional sports, folks. Sometimes they miss the call. It's not the end of the world.
6. NEVER throw things on the field. Yup, I've seen this too.
7. NEVER trash talk kids in the stands. First of all, we don't like to hear our kids trash talked. Secondly, we don't like to hear other kids trash talked. Third, you're a douche if you do this.
8. NEVER encourage your kid to cheat. Yup, I"ve seen it.
9. NEVER encourage your child to hurt someone else. Sadly, seen this too.
10. NEVER forget that this is not a professional league. Your kids aren't getting paid and this isn't for a scholarship. They're learning and having fun.
Here are 5 things you ABSOLUTELY should do as a rec league sports parent....
1. Give a cheer for EVERYONE. Yes, I understand your team is playing an opponent but it's perfectly okay to say, "Great catch" or "Nice throw" to an opponent's child. It certainly doesn't hurt your team and, let's face it, you may just make that kid's day.
2. Teach your kid to be a good sport. If you're winning, you're not taunting the other team. If you're losing, you're not acting like a brat about it. and you ALWAYS go shake hands after the game.
3. Let the coach know you're behind them. Tell your coach you appreciate them. They're likely volunteering their time and energy being there.
4. Let the refs know you respect their calls. Period.
5. Remember that your kids are playing to learn to love the game. Remember that they're learning the rules and techniques on how to be a better player. Down the road, maybe you can cheer for them in a professional game. For now, just be glad they're making effort, working hard and your support means more to them than anything else.
Sunday, May 22, 2016
The risks of a Mirena IUD
3 years ago, today, I had a hysterectomy done at 32 years of age. The question of why has a very simple answer: my IUD perforated my uterus, lodged itself in a cluster of blood vessels and couldn't be removed without taking my whole uterus with it. There are thousands, maybe millions of people who have had these Mirena IUDs and had absolutely no problems at all with them. In fact, there are some that say that they have lighter periods or no periods at all...as if that is the only thing that is being treated with birth control. I wish I had done more research when I got mine but I can honestly say that being part of that 1% honestly makes me fear for the other 99% out there. I can honestly say that this is just an opinion-based piece and I would never tell anyone which method of birth control to choose. With that said, here are some statistics.....
*While you have your IUD, it is still possible (though HIGHLY unlikely) to become pregnant. If you do become pregnant, doctors have to remove the baby immediately. If they don't, you are at risk for a septic abortion, meaning your uterus becomes septic (toxic) to both you and your baby.
*Having a Mirena duringa pregnancy (again, highly unlikely but not impossible) can result in miscarriage, and often does. It can also cause premature delivery and sepsis.
*Half of pregnancies that occur with a Mirena are ectopic. What this means is that the pregnancy occurs outside of the uterus, more specifically in the fallopian tubes. These pregnancies are extremely dangerous and, often, result in necessary surgery and sometimes being infertile.
*Within 3 weeks of getting the Mirena IUD inserted, you can get PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).
There is a lawsuit against Bayer saying that they didn't make users amply aware of the risks of the Mirena IUD migrating and/or perforating the uterus. Please, please, please do your research before getting one of these. Check out reputable websites and make certain that you're willing to accept the risks. Believe me, it can happen.
These facts were listed from drugwatch.com
*While you have your IUD, it is still possible (though HIGHLY unlikely) to become pregnant. If you do become pregnant, doctors have to remove the baby immediately. If they don't, you are at risk for a septic abortion, meaning your uterus becomes septic (toxic) to both you and your baby.
*Having a Mirena duringa pregnancy (again, highly unlikely but not impossible) can result in miscarriage, and often does. It can also cause premature delivery and sepsis.
*Half of pregnancies that occur with a Mirena are ectopic. What this means is that the pregnancy occurs outside of the uterus, more specifically in the fallopian tubes. These pregnancies are extremely dangerous and, often, result in necessary surgery and sometimes being infertile.
*Within 3 weeks of getting the Mirena IUD inserted, you can get PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).
There is a lawsuit against Bayer saying that they didn't make users amply aware of the risks of the Mirena IUD migrating and/or perforating the uterus. Please, please, please do your research before getting one of these. Check out reputable websites and make certain that you're willing to accept the risks. Believe me, it can happen.
These facts were listed from drugwatch.com
Saturday, May 21, 2016
I Finally Went to the Dentist
I'm willing to admit defeat in my fear of the dentist. As I went in yesterday to have a wisdom tooth extracted AND a filling done, I was more anxious than I've been in awhile. I'll admit, the idea of the needle in my mouth put my heart rate at a pounding pace and I couldn't stop crying for a couple of minutes. I've gotten over a fear of having blood drawn, finger pricks for blood sugar and IVs but the needle going near my very sensitive teeth was overwhelming.
However, my dentist was a saint. His level of patience was amazing. He talked me through everything and the entire process was not that bad at all. I confess that all of my fear amounted to nothing. Both processes went very easy. Most honestly, I am recovering from this at a much easier rate than I suspected. I have very minimal pain and I'm so amazingly grateful. No swelling, either!
So to the dentist at Comfort Dental in Belmar (Lakewood, CO), I give HUGE props for your patience with me. I will definitely recommend you to anyone who would listen. Dr Flood is a saint and I'm so grateful to him!
If you're concerned with getting dental work done, please give a great dentist a chance. It might not be nearly as bad as you think!
However, my dentist was a saint. His level of patience was amazing. He talked me through everything and the entire process was not that bad at all. I confess that all of my fear amounted to nothing. Both processes went very easy. Most honestly, I am recovering from this at a much easier rate than I suspected. I have very minimal pain and I'm so amazingly grateful. No swelling, either!
So to the dentist at Comfort Dental in Belmar (Lakewood, CO), I give HUGE props for your patience with me. I will definitely recommend you to anyone who would listen. Dr Flood is a saint and I'm so grateful to him!
If you're concerned with getting dental work done, please give a great dentist a chance. It might not be nearly as bad as you think!
Friday, May 20, 2016
2 Year Olds Are Capable Of More
There are certain things that a whole lot of parents believe are impossible to teach an older (2 year old) toddler. I beg to differ. Having worked with kids for a VERRRRRY long time and having four (older) children of my own, it is definitely possible. Toddlers, and kids in general, are capable of so much more than they're given credit for. Here is a short list.....
*Using normal language. Stop baby talking them. It's not "milk-y"...it's "milk". It's not a "baba", it's a "cup." You're not doing them any favors teaching them to talk like a baby once they've hit 2 years old.
*Using utensils. I'm not saying that all kids have the coordination to use them 100% correctly but if you start it young, they can and WILL learn. On top of that, they will get into good habits that will help them as they age.
*Picking out their own clothes. Provide them weather-appropriate choices and they can and will pick them out.
*Putting on their own clothes (most of the time). They are capable of putting on appropriately sized clothes most of the time. They might put their pants on backwards but they're on. They might put their socks on inside out but they're on.
*Cleaning up their toys. Nothing drives me more crazy than watching parents clean up their kids' toys. They're one hundred percent capable.
and finally.....
*Learning basic street-safe skills. If you start them young, you can teach them how to walk on sidewalks instead of bolting. Some kids are harder than others to teach but they can all be taught. It just takes some patience.
Parents of 2 year olds, KNOW that your kids are capable of so much more. The skills they learn when they're young will be so helpful as they age.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Passion
Today, I simply want to share a quote:
"Passion is energy. Feel the power from focusing on what excites you."
-Oprah Winfrey-
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
That Last Ten Pounds
I'm a big believer that social media has many assets. I love that the internet has research available at our finger tips. I'm so happy that technology has allowed us to communicate with loved ones so far away. I'm not blaming technology here....at all.
I'm also not blaming celebrities, well not completely anyway. I know that they're proud and their social media accounts and articles in magazines are serving a multitude of purposes from increasing exposure to just being proud of their accomplishments.
Here's my problem.....
I know someone quite close to me that has two children. Their youngest one is still a preschooler, yet they are absolutely devastated that they can't get back to their "pre baby weight." We are talking obsessively counting calories, exercising to the point of exhaustion, and considering cosmetic procedures in order to lose "that last ten pounds." I see it, all too often. I see moms so worried about getting back to their pre-baby weight that it actually makes them sick. It makes me so incredibly sad.
To you moms, I say this:
It's okay, Moms. It's okay to not lose that last ten pounds. Your body changed when you had that baby because it is now better suited to your needs. What you're perceiving to be a failure is the way that our bodies were designed. The reason you "can't lose that last ten pounds" is because you're not meant to....clearly. You've obsessively counted calories, avoided junk food, avoided carbs, ate nothing but salads, and exercised until you couldn't stand up and it won't go away. It's not meant to go away. It's your body's way of telling you "enough's enough."
Please, please, please stop looking to celebrities and wondering how they can do it. They're photo shopped! No seriously, they're photoshopped! As a photographer, myself, I know this one. They're struggling just like you. They might even be obsessing like you.
And please don't consider cosmetic surgery to fix it. Please. You look beautiful just like you are. Your husband (or boyfriend or whatever the case may be) loves you exactly as you are. Be proud of your body.
And finally, if I can say one last thing, PLEASE stop making this into a big deal in front of your daughters. You are creating a VERY unhealthy mindset. You're literally molding your daughters into obsessively over-concerned little beings who will never love their body either.
Please, moms, focus on your body being healthy. Focus on your body getting the fuel it needs and not just obsessively counting calories. Focus on your body feeling energetic to run around with your kids. Focus on getting some sleep so you can wake up early with them and eat pancakes in your pj's. Know that you're perfect exactly how you are! Channel that energy into showing your daughters that your body is not what defines you. Channel that energy into teaching them that it's okay to not have "the perfect body." Channel that energy into teaching them that being healthy is what the focus should be...not worrying about the numbers on the scale. Teach them that their impact on your body is something you embrace and love so they, too, will embrace it when they have children.
You're beautiful, Mama....don't change a thing
I'm also not blaming celebrities, well not completely anyway. I know that they're proud and their social media accounts and articles in magazines are serving a multitude of purposes from increasing exposure to just being proud of their accomplishments.
Here's my problem.....
I know someone quite close to me that has two children. Their youngest one is still a preschooler, yet they are absolutely devastated that they can't get back to their "pre baby weight." We are talking obsessively counting calories, exercising to the point of exhaustion, and considering cosmetic procedures in order to lose "that last ten pounds." I see it, all too often. I see moms so worried about getting back to their pre-baby weight that it actually makes them sick. It makes me so incredibly sad.
To you moms, I say this:
It's okay, Moms. It's okay to not lose that last ten pounds. Your body changed when you had that baby because it is now better suited to your needs. What you're perceiving to be a failure is the way that our bodies were designed. The reason you "can't lose that last ten pounds" is because you're not meant to....clearly. You've obsessively counted calories, avoided junk food, avoided carbs, ate nothing but salads, and exercised until you couldn't stand up and it won't go away. It's not meant to go away. It's your body's way of telling you "enough's enough."
Please, please, please stop looking to celebrities and wondering how they can do it. They're photo shopped! No seriously, they're photoshopped! As a photographer, myself, I know this one. They're struggling just like you. They might even be obsessing like you.
And please don't consider cosmetic surgery to fix it. Please. You look beautiful just like you are. Your husband (or boyfriend or whatever the case may be) loves you exactly as you are. Be proud of your body.
And finally, if I can say one last thing, PLEASE stop making this into a big deal in front of your daughters. You are creating a VERY unhealthy mindset. You're literally molding your daughters into obsessively over-concerned little beings who will never love their body either.
Please, moms, focus on your body being healthy. Focus on your body getting the fuel it needs and not just obsessively counting calories. Focus on your body feeling energetic to run around with your kids. Focus on getting some sleep so you can wake up early with them and eat pancakes in your pj's. Know that you're perfect exactly how you are! Channel that energy into showing your daughters that your body is not what defines you. Channel that energy into teaching them that it's okay to not have "the perfect body." Channel that energy into teaching them that being healthy is what the focus should be...not worrying about the numbers on the scale. Teach them that their impact on your body is something you embrace and love so they, too, will embrace it when they have children.
You're beautiful, Mama....don't change a thing
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Facebook's Trending Topics Policy
The question is "Is Facebook only 'trending' non-conservative (aka liberal, etc) topics?" Mark Zuckerberg is meeting with some conservatives, today, regarding this topic. It's been labeled as a huge deal and a whole mess of conservatives are up in arms over it.
My answer: If you are relying on social media for your education on any topic, you might be part of the problem.
Allow me to explain....
People seem to forget why social media is around. It is not around to serve as an encyclopedia. It's not around to serve as a newspaper. It's not around to be your primary news source. It's around for social connections. I repeat, it's for social connections. Facebook is not a news channel, nor is it designed as such.
While it's not "fair" that Facebook may be denying conservatives their trending topics, I'm of the mind that if you are not happy with the way Facebook functions, you can exercise YOUR right to stop using it. An easier solution would be to focus your attention on its intended use and get your political (and every other type of) education elsewhere. Celebrities are not where you should get your news from. Social media is not where you should get your news from. Get your news from reputable sources and, in my opinion, at least 2-3 DIFFERENT sources. Realistically, almost all news channels are also slanted to either the liberal or conservative side and you are better off consulting a few of these sources and then reading between the lines for what the truth may be.
This all comes back to my opinion that it is a business's right to do as they please with their business. It is the consumer's right to choose whether or not you want to partake in that business's services. Sure, you can give bad reviews. Sure, you can tell all of your friends, or anyone that will listen, how much you hate a business because of a particular reason. You can also take some responsibility and make your own choices withOUT forcing others (or businesses) to bend to your will and have to agree with you. Variety is the spice of life. If you don't like Facebook's trending topics, don't pay attention or discontinue Facebook or write an article on it....but stop with the expectation that Facebook needs to change its policy to suit you.
That's just my opinion.....oh and by the way, I'm an independent voter that tends on the conservative side....so there's that. I'm not anti-conservative. I'm anti-drama.
My answer: If you are relying on social media for your education on any topic, you might be part of the problem.
Allow me to explain....
People seem to forget why social media is around. It is not around to serve as an encyclopedia. It's not around to serve as a newspaper. It's not around to be your primary news source. It's around for social connections. I repeat, it's for social connections. Facebook is not a news channel, nor is it designed as such.
While it's not "fair" that Facebook may be denying conservatives their trending topics, I'm of the mind that if you are not happy with the way Facebook functions, you can exercise YOUR right to stop using it. An easier solution would be to focus your attention on its intended use and get your political (and every other type of) education elsewhere. Celebrities are not where you should get your news from. Social media is not where you should get your news from. Get your news from reputable sources and, in my opinion, at least 2-3 DIFFERENT sources. Realistically, almost all news channels are also slanted to either the liberal or conservative side and you are better off consulting a few of these sources and then reading between the lines for what the truth may be.
This all comes back to my opinion that it is a business's right to do as they please with their business. It is the consumer's right to choose whether or not you want to partake in that business's services. Sure, you can give bad reviews. Sure, you can tell all of your friends, or anyone that will listen, how much you hate a business because of a particular reason. You can also take some responsibility and make your own choices withOUT forcing others (or businesses) to bend to your will and have to agree with you. Variety is the spice of life. If you don't like Facebook's trending topics, don't pay attention or discontinue Facebook or write an article on it....but stop with the expectation that Facebook needs to change its policy to suit you.
That's just my opinion.....oh and by the way, I'm an independent voter that tends on the conservative side....so there's that. I'm not anti-conservative. I'm anti-drama.
Monday, May 16, 2016
10 Things You Have to Know When Raising Kids
1. Boys will dedicate painstaking effort toward accuracy in aiming their sniper rifle in their Xbox games but absolutely no effort to aiming at the very large toilet bowl opening. Urine everywhere....seriously.
2. Girls can find a reason to be pissy about anything....including doing them a favor when their mood isn't right.
3. Children cannot see anything on the floor in main areas of the house, which is why they will step over it a million times without picking it up; therefore, it is safe to leave candy stashes on the floor in the main areas.
4. Children develop an inability to use their knees to slowly sit as they hit the double digits which is why they are constantly plopping on furniture; therefore they are often safer on beanbag chairs and floors.
5. The same child that gets grossed out from the texture of hummus will not cease to gross you out by wiggling their loose tooth that is hanging by a thread in their mouth.
6. While children do not cease to test your ability to sleep soundly by asking if you're awake regularly, they do not appreciate when you test their ability to sleep soundly by vacuuming under their loft bed while they're napping.
7. They also do not appreciate when you use the vacuum attachment to suck up the pillowcase of the pillow they're sleeping on while they're napping....or when you suck up the socks on their feet....allegedly....or something.
8. Children will want nothing to do with talking to you when they're playing until you start watching a tv show, try to go to the bathroom, or pick up the phone.
9. The weather and traffic times on the news are like homing beacons to children who need to tell you something right now....and it usually isn't relevant information.
10. iChildren will "forget" a million times to do their chores but will not EVER forget the time you said that you MIGHT take them to the movie sometime a couple of years from now...... maybe means "yes"....sorry
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Prescription Drug Abuse...Mind Boggling Documentary
I recently watched a documentary on Netflix called "Prescription Thugs" and it confirmed everything I've thought for years. While I continue to do research on this topic, here are some staggering facts that you might be interested to know.....
The United States is just 5% of the world's population but consumes a whopping 75% of the world's prescription drugs. If this isn't mind boggling to you, I don't know what is.
A majority of prescription drugs abused are obtained from a family member or someone the user knows.
The most-abused drugs fall into 3 categories (in order from largest to smallest): painkillers, tranquilizers, stimulants.
Americans account for 99% of the world's Vicodin consumption. Let that roll around in your brain for a second....99%!
Opoids (such as oxycontin, etc) are derived from some of the same ingredients and have many of the same effects as heroin. Yes, that's right: heroin.
Drugs like Valium produce nearly the same effects as Rohypnol (aka the date rape drug)
Drugs like Ritalin (and similar ADD/ADHD drugs) have the same effects on your brain as cocaine.
There are several studies indicating that taking antidepressants can actually INCREASE suicidal thoughts. A drug you are supposed to be taking to help you can actually make it worse.
Now here are some of my personal opinions based on my research:
I am not a big fan of prescription drugs taken on a regular basis. I think that God and Mother Nature have supplied us with a vast array of wonderful natural cures and that, quite often, what ails us can be resolved by balancing our body chemistry. In short, sometimes just getting out and taking a walk in the sunshine can help your mood instead of having to pop a pill. Sometimes just changing your diet to less processed food can help your weight, blood sugar and such. Sometimes, just changing a child's diet and activity can help their inability to focus. Are there exceptions? Absolutely. However, I feel that many things are over-diagnosed and the drugs prescribed do more harm than good.
I believe that some OTC (over the counter) drugs are equally as addictive and harmful to our bodies. Overuse of OTC painkillers can severely damage your digestive system. Overuse of sleeping pills, even on an OTC level, can be extremely addictive. The list goes on and on. I believe that there are natural cures that people are unaware of. Sometimes, just limiting your screen time can help you fall asleep faster. Sometimes just taking a nap can help that headache. Sometimes exercising and building the muscles around that "bad back" can help you not have to pop an ibuprofen or other such drug on a daily basis.
I believe that many prescription drugs are designed to make you need more drugs. For instance, you might start taking a drug for high blood pressure. Within five years, it seems like many people that do this start needing drugs for cholesterol, stomach issues, diabetes, and on and on. While onlookers can assume that this is just their health deteriorating, no one is paying attention to the fact that the problems didn't start until they started taking an artificial substance to "help" them.
Look, I believe that there are benefits to prescription drugs in some cases. Antibiotics, when used properly, can be beneficial. Post surgery pain killers can be beneficial. There are instances where these drugs are helpful and I'm thankful for the technology that creates them. However, I think that when we look into other options, there are many times that we can be our own best advocate and let our bodies take care of themselves.
Keep learning about this and tell me what you think.
The United States is just 5% of the world's population but consumes a whopping 75% of the world's prescription drugs. If this isn't mind boggling to you, I don't know what is.
A majority of prescription drugs abused are obtained from a family member or someone the user knows.
The most-abused drugs fall into 3 categories (in order from largest to smallest): painkillers, tranquilizers, stimulants.
Americans account for 99% of the world's Vicodin consumption. Let that roll around in your brain for a second....99%!
Opoids (such as oxycontin, etc) are derived from some of the same ingredients and have many of the same effects as heroin. Yes, that's right: heroin.
Drugs like Valium produce nearly the same effects as Rohypnol (aka the date rape drug)
Drugs like Ritalin (and similar ADD/ADHD drugs) have the same effects on your brain as cocaine.
There are several studies indicating that taking antidepressants can actually INCREASE suicidal thoughts. A drug you are supposed to be taking to help you can actually make it worse.
Now here are some of my personal opinions based on my research:
I am not a big fan of prescription drugs taken on a regular basis. I think that God and Mother Nature have supplied us with a vast array of wonderful natural cures and that, quite often, what ails us can be resolved by balancing our body chemistry. In short, sometimes just getting out and taking a walk in the sunshine can help your mood instead of having to pop a pill. Sometimes just changing your diet to less processed food can help your weight, blood sugar and such. Sometimes, just changing a child's diet and activity can help their inability to focus. Are there exceptions? Absolutely. However, I feel that many things are over-diagnosed and the drugs prescribed do more harm than good.
I believe that some OTC (over the counter) drugs are equally as addictive and harmful to our bodies. Overuse of OTC painkillers can severely damage your digestive system. Overuse of sleeping pills, even on an OTC level, can be extremely addictive. The list goes on and on. I believe that there are natural cures that people are unaware of. Sometimes, just limiting your screen time can help you fall asleep faster. Sometimes just taking a nap can help that headache. Sometimes exercising and building the muscles around that "bad back" can help you not have to pop an ibuprofen or other such drug on a daily basis.
I believe that many prescription drugs are designed to make you need more drugs. For instance, you might start taking a drug for high blood pressure. Within five years, it seems like many people that do this start needing drugs for cholesterol, stomach issues, diabetes, and on and on. While onlookers can assume that this is just their health deteriorating, no one is paying attention to the fact that the problems didn't start until they started taking an artificial substance to "help" them.
Look, I believe that there are benefits to prescription drugs in some cases. Antibiotics, when used properly, can be beneficial. Post surgery pain killers can be beneficial. There are instances where these drugs are helpful and I'm thankful for the technology that creates them. However, I think that when we look into other options, there are many times that we can be our own best advocate and let our bodies take care of themselves.
Keep learning about this and tell me what you think.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Review of "Thunder from Down Under" in Denver
On a Girls Night, we headed out to see "Thunder From Down Under" in Denver. I can honestly say that the show was a pretty fun night but there are a few things you should know....
1. Sorry, girls...it's a male revue but they do NOT get naked. You definitely see some tight buns but no hot dogs.
2. You're allowed to touch but the women are savages. These women will stampede to touch the men when they come down the aisles. Seriously, it's crazy.
3. Some of them are better dancers than others. As a trained dancer, I was a bit picky and persnickety about the dancing but, all things considered, they were pretty good. Some were better than others.
4. They smell incredible. If you are lucky enough to get a touch in, they aren't sweaty and gross. They smell incredible.
5. They will stay after to take pictures with you.
6. You will stand in line FOREVER to get a picture.
7. If you have a chance at your theater, try to get an aisle seat on the middle. They ignored the outside aisles, for the most part.
8. They are completely different guys than the Vegas guys.
9. It's a good time. Seriously, even for the people that aren't big on it, it's fun.
10. They definitely live up to their names. Check it off the bucket list, girls.
Side note: Though the Paramount was a nice place and the staff was pretty nice, I lost my credit card there and was told LESS than 24 hours later that if they did find it, they would be canceling and destroying it. I didn't even get a chance to see if they found it within a full 24 hours. Not a fan of such a policy (though I'm sure there's a reason for it).
1. Sorry, girls...it's a male revue but they do NOT get naked. You definitely see some tight buns but no hot dogs.
2. You're allowed to touch but the women are savages. These women will stampede to touch the men when they come down the aisles. Seriously, it's crazy.
3. Some of them are better dancers than others. As a trained dancer, I was a bit picky and persnickety about the dancing but, all things considered, they were pretty good. Some were better than others.
4. They smell incredible. If you are lucky enough to get a touch in, they aren't sweaty and gross. They smell incredible.
5. They will stay after to take pictures with you.
6. You will stand in line FOREVER to get a picture.
7. If you have a chance at your theater, try to get an aisle seat on the middle. They ignored the outside aisles, for the most part.
8. They are completely different guys than the Vegas guys.
9. It's a good time. Seriously, even for the people that aren't big on it, it's fun.
10. They definitely live up to their names. Check it off the bucket list, girls.
Side note: Though the Paramount was a nice place and the staff was pretty nice, I lost my credit card there and was told LESS than 24 hours later that if they did find it, they would be canceling and destroying it. I didn't even get a chance to see if they found it within a full 24 hours. Not a fan of such a policy (though I'm sure there's a reason for it).
Friday, May 13, 2016
Things My Kids Argue About
Everyone is always complaining about their kids arguing. Now I'm blessed enough that mine argue less than some siblings, for sure. That said, as they enter their teenage years it's more prevalent than it used to be. For those that don't have children, read up; because this is the types of things that kids argue about and what you can expect from your future children (should you choose to have them). For those that have kids, you will totally get this.....
Things my kids argue about (true story).....
Who farted
Who touched the remote last / who lost the remote
Who left the light on
Who needs to get up to turn the aforementioned light off
Who cleaned the most of their room
Whose spot is whose on the sofa
Where they want to eat for dinner
What color the sky is....no seriously, they fight over this
Whether all buttholes are the same size
Whether or not sheep feel pain when they get sheared
Whether or not pigs would eat bacon (since they're known for eating almost anything)
Who gets dressed the fastest
Whether it's geeks or nerds rule the world
Whether arm pit hair stinks more than butt hair
If someone's sweat can smell worse than someone else's
Whether or not there will ever be boob fat or butt fat transplants to give people with flat chests or butts the option to get part of someone else's
Whether or not Pluto is a planet (though this is a valid argument for me)
If aliens exist
If Bigfoot exists
If the Loch ness monster exists
Whether or not Freddy Krueger can get into people's heads that don't dream at night
If Rocky Road ice cream is SOOOOOOO gross
If you can die of a broken heart
If you can die from a broken butt
If a broken butt is possible
This list could go on all day but it definitely makes me laugh when I think about some of their arguments. Kids are funny creatures and siblings make it even more fun.
Happy Friday.
Things my kids argue about (true story).....
Who farted
Who touched the remote last / who lost the remote
Who left the light on
Who needs to get up to turn the aforementioned light off
Who cleaned the most of their room
Whose spot is whose on the sofa
Where they want to eat for dinner
What color the sky is....no seriously, they fight over this
Whether all buttholes are the same size
Whether or not sheep feel pain when they get sheared
Whether or not pigs would eat bacon (since they're known for eating almost anything)
Who gets dressed the fastest
Whether it's geeks or nerds rule the world
Whether arm pit hair stinks more than butt hair
If someone's sweat can smell worse than someone else's
Whether or not there will ever be boob fat or butt fat transplants to give people with flat chests or butts the option to get part of someone else's
Whether or not Pluto is a planet (though this is a valid argument for me)
If aliens exist
If Bigfoot exists
If the Loch ness monster exists
Whether or not Freddy Krueger can get into people's heads that don't dream at night
If Rocky Road ice cream is SOOOOOOO gross
If you can die of a broken heart
If you can die from a broken butt
If a broken butt is possible
This list could go on all day but it definitely makes me laugh when I think about some of their arguments. Kids are funny creatures and siblings make it even more fun.
Happy Friday.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Work Before Play For Kids
I preface this post by saying that I definitely encourage my kids to get into sports and activities that require physical exertion. I think that fresh air and running around are absolutely essential to keeping them healthy and happy. I'm definitely not ripping on sports or physical activities in ANY way.
My 10 year old won third place in the Science Fair. She didn't just win third place in her age group or for her grade but overall. It's a pretty great accomplishment. I'm really proud of her. I think what makes me most proud of the whole thing is that this wasn't something that was required of her for a grade; it's an optional competition that she chose to participate in. It's something SHE thought would stretch her imagination and help her learn something new.
That brings me to the purpose of this post....
I'm a big advocate of education over activity. Let me explain: I'm an advocate of always putting your education before your sports "career." Why? Well, you never know...and that's why. The likelihood of an injury in a constantly-training athlete is pretty high. It might be something minor and it might be something career-ending. In the blink of an eye, you can lose that ability to have a sports scholarship. However, no one can take your imagination away from you. No one can take away all that studying and what you've learned.
I allow my kids to do physical activities but our rule is that school ALWAYS comes first. That means that if you have to miss a practice to work on a project, you miss that practice. Yes, teamwork and dedication are important but it is far more important to me to teach them priorities. Work before play. I see people pushing their kids from age 2 or 3 to be soccer stars or baseball stars. I see them pushing their little football players, dancers or gymnasts to go-go-go from such a young age. I see injuries happening in 10 year olds that should realistically not be occurring until adulthood because they train so hard so young. Pediatricians have even commented on how it affects their bodies to drill them so young. Physical activities are fantastic but the risks are sometimes quite high for major physical problems later on resulting from their go-go-go attitudes at that young age.
I'm very proud of my kids desiring to work their butts off on their school work. Do they always feel like doing homework? Hell no! Do they always do 100% on every single project? Probably not. Do I push them to always do their best? YES! It's not about an "A" or a "B" for me...it's about encouraging them to do the best they can at their JOB, which, at this age, is school. I encourage them to not just look at what the homework entails but to learn about what happened around that history lesson, to explore more about that biology topic, to do great things with what they've learned and take it to the next level. My feeling is that this love of learning will help them to advance in whatever they want to do. It doesn't have to be college; it might be trade school or an internship or a million other ways to learn. Whatever career they want, that work-first attitude will help them. That desire to make sure that they're stretching their minds will go further.
Look, I'm not ripping on anyone for their choices. Everyone does what's best for their kids. My feeling, though, is that the big picture is more important. Down the road, when my kids are parents or grandparents, that love of learning will still be intact. That education they gained during all of these years of studying will still be there. They will have opportunities that they wouldn't otherwise have had. They won't suffer "bad knees" from learning. They won't suffer a "bad back" from learning. They won't suffer arthritis from learning. That love of learning will live on and help them to inspire the next generation to love learning too. I'll always encourage the physical activity that helps my kids to be happy and healthy but I will never push them so hard that they're stretched too thin for their school life.
My 10 year old won third place in the Science Fair. She didn't just win third place in her age group or for her grade but overall. It's a pretty great accomplishment. I'm really proud of her. I think what makes me most proud of the whole thing is that this wasn't something that was required of her for a grade; it's an optional competition that she chose to participate in. It's something SHE thought would stretch her imagination and help her learn something new.
That brings me to the purpose of this post....
I'm a big advocate of education over activity. Let me explain: I'm an advocate of always putting your education before your sports "career." Why? Well, you never know...and that's why. The likelihood of an injury in a constantly-training athlete is pretty high. It might be something minor and it might be something career-ending. In the blink of an eye, you can lose that ability to have a sports scholarship. However, no one can take your imagination away from you. No one can take away all that studying and what you've learned.
I allow my kids to do physical activities but our rule is that school ALWAYS comes first. That means that if you have to miss a practice to work on a project, you miss that practice. Yes, teamwork and dedication are important but it is far more important to me to teach them priorities. Work before play. I see people pushing their kids from age 2 or 3 to be soccer stars or baseball stars. I see them pushing their little football players, dancers or gymnasts to go-go-go from such a young age. I see injuries happening in 10 year olds that should realistically not be occurring until adulthood because they train so hard so young. Pediatricians have even commented on how it affects their bodies to drill them so young. Physical activities are fantastic but the risks are sometimes quite high for major physical problems later on resulting from their go-go-go attitudes at that young age.
I'm very proud of my kids desiring to work their butts off on their school work. Do they always feel like doing homework? Hell no! Do they always do 100% on every single project? Probably not. Do I push them to always do their best? YES! It's not about an "A" or a "B" for me...it's about encouraging them to do the best they can at their JOB, which, at this age, is school. I encourage them to not just look at what the homework entails but to learn about what happened around that history lesson, to explore more about that biology topic, to do great things with what they've learned and take it to the next level. My feeling is that this love of learning will help them to advance in whatever they want to do. It doesn't have to be college; it might be trade school or an internship or a million other ways to learn. Whatever career they want, that work-first attitude will help them. That desire to make sure that they're stretching their minds will go further.
Look, I'm not ripping on anyone for their choices. Everyone does what's best for their kids. My feeling, though, is that the big picture is more important. Down the road, when my kids are parents or grandparents, that love of learning will still be intact. That education they gained during all of these years of studying will still be there. They will have opportunities that they wouldn't otherwise have had. They won't suffer "bad knees" from learning. They won't suffer a "bad back" from learning. They won't suffer arthritis from learning. That love of learning will live on and help them to inspire the next generation to love learning too. I'll always encourage the physical activity that helps my kids to be happy and healthy but I will never push them so hard that they're stretched too thin for their school life.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
The "Science" of Kids that Argue Less
I have a whole lot of people ask me about how my kids behave toward each other. In short, our getting along to argument ratio is about 75-25 now that they're teenagers. How? How do I get them to get along? The answer is that I don't. There are some general "Heather rules" about siblings....
Number of Kids:
If you have two kids, you're going to likely have two completely opposite children. If one is more calm, the other will be more outgoing. If one is stubborn and willful, you'll likely end up with one that is more easy-going.
If you have three kids, expect that your third one will be the one that throws you for a loop. That could be really good or really bad. Either it's gonna be an angel after two devious ones or a devious ones after two angels.
If you have four kids, all bets are off.
Respecting birth order:
Learn to channel their positive characteristics from their birth order. First children are often bossy, particularly girls. Channel it into something positive. Youngest children are often incredibly creative, channel it.
How close together you have them:
Now this is a catch-22. Having them super close together is intense sometimes but my kids get along so much better because of it. On the other hand, a whole lot of families that have kids spaced about 3.5-5 years apart end up with kids that fight constantly. It seems strange because you think that waiting until they're "old enough to accept a sibling" makes it easier...in this case, experience tells me that it doesn't work that way. On the other hand, larger gaps such as 10+ years can often work to your advantage.
Mutual Respect Rule:
If you teach them from a young age to have mutual respect for each other, it seems to reflect well on them. Period.
There are no guarantees in life but rest assured, there is probably some unresearched science on the best timing to have your kids spaced out.
Number of Kids:
If you have two kids, you're going to likely have two completely opposite children. If one is more calm, the other will be more outgoing. If one is stubborn and willful, you'll likely end up with one that is more easy-going.
If you have three kids, expect that your third one will be the one that throws you for a loop. That could be really good or really bad. Either it's gonna be an angel after two devious ones or a devious ones after two angels.
If you have four kids, all bets are off.
Respecting birth order:
Learn to channel their positive characteristics from their birth order. First children are often bossy, particularly girls. Channel it into something positive. Youngest children are often incredibly creative, channel it.
How close together you have them:
Now this is a catch-22. Having them super close together is intense sometimes but my kids get along so much better because of it. On the other hand, a whole lot of families that have kids spaced about 3.5-5 years apart end up with kids that fight constantly. It seems strange because you think that waiting until they're "old enough to accept a sibling" makes it easier...in this case, experience tells me that it doesn't work that way. On the other hand, larger gaps such as 10+ years can often work to your advantage.
Mutual Respect Rule:
If you teach them from a young age to have mutual respect for each other, it seems to reflect well on them. Period.
There are no guarantees in life but rest assured, there is probably some unresearched science on the best timing to have your kids spaced out.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
SIDS Caused by Swaddling?
There is a new study out that says that swaddling a baby puts them at a higher risk for SIDS. I will give the article the benefit of saying that it says you're at a higher risk if you swaddle them and put them on their side or stomach (though I'm not sure who thinks swaddling a babies arms to their sides and then putting them on their stomach is a good idea). I have 2 issues with this....
1- Parents have been swaddling since the beginning of time. Like LITERALLY since the beginning of time. The idea that swaddling increases the risk of SIDS seems absurd to me. Perhaps if an infant is swaddled incorrectly and the blankets are too close to their face, it would make sense. Perhaps if you're dumb enough to swaddle them and then lay them on a sofa sideways. Now here's the thing....those two things put a baby at a higher risk of SIDS anyway (blankets in/near their face or being laid too close to any furniture where they are breathing back in their own CO2). Pediatricians recommend swaddling, hospital nurseries swaddle, we swaddle because it helps a baby to sleep and calm down. It helps them to feel safe.
2- Stop with the "studies" already. Holy crap! Parents have enough to get anxious about. Can we stop giving them more paranoia? It's one thing to do a study on something that has been researched for decades. It's another thing to do your study and assume that something that has been a tried and true proven method to relax a baby for centuries is now something that causes death. There is always going to be a study that can "prove" your argument. One scientist says it's bad and another says it's good. One says not to do something and another says to do it three times weekly. It's absolutely ridiculous. Stop giving parents, especially new parents, more reasons to worry. They have enough on their plate.
Perhaps my frustration is aimed at how much we overwhelm parents now. We pile so many expectations on them. Kids are expected to talk earlier, walk earlier, learn to read earlier. We expect for these parents to be able to maintain their sense of self but still raise these little phenoms. We get mad when kids don't know how to read before kindergarten but realistically, maybe they're just not ready. We worry when a baby isn't walking by a year old but we forget that for centuries, babies walked when they were ready and, guess what....we got Olympic athletes, incredible body builders and people that were perfectly physically apt without worrying about if they were crawling, walking or riding a bike on some cookie cutter time line. Can we, please, stop creating even more to worry about for the new parent...or even the experienced one?
I'm always an advocate for making sure you educate yourself and make your own decision. However, what I will say is to just think it through and don't get yourself too worried. One of the best pieces of advice you'll ever hear is to listen to your heart; you already know how to be a parent.
1- Parents have been swaddling since the beginning of time. Like LITERALLY since the beginning of time. The idea that swaddling increases the risk of SIDS seems absurd to me. Perhaps if an infant is swaddled incorrectly and the blankets are too close to their face, it would make sense. Perhaps if you're dumb enough to swaddle them and then lay them on a sofa sideways. Now here's the thing....those two things put a baby at a higher risk of SIDS anyway (blankets in/near their face or being laid too close to any furniture where they are breathing back in their own CO2). Pediatricians recommend swaddling, hospital nurseries swaddle, we swaddle because it helps a baby to sleep and calm down. It helps them to feel safe.
2- Stop with the "studies" already. Holy crap! Parents have enough to get anxious about. Can we stop giving them more paranoia? It's one thing to do a study on something that has been researched for decades. It's another thing to do your study and assume that something that has been a tried and true proven method to relax a baby for centuries is now something that causes death. There is always going to be a study that can "prove" your argument. One scientist says it's bad and another says it's good. One says not to do something and another says to do it three times weekly. It's absolutely ridiculous. Stop giving parents, especially new parents, more reasons to worry. They have enough on their plate.
Perhaps my frustration is aimed at how much we overwhelm parents now. We pile so many expectations on them. Kids are expected to talk earlier, walk earlier, learn to read earlier. We expect for these parents to be able to maintain their sense of self but still raise these little phenoms. We get mad when kids don't know how to read before kindergarten but realistically, maybe they're just not ready. We worry when a baby isn't walking by a year old but we forget that for centuries, babies walked when they were ready and, guess what....we got Olympic athletes, incredible body builders and people that were perfectly physically apt without worrying about if they were crawling, walking or riding a bike on some cookie cutter time line. Can we, please, stop creating even more to worry about for the new parent...or even the experienced one?
I'm always an advocate for making sure you educate yourself and make your own decision. However, what I will say is to just think it through and don't get yourself too worried. One of the best pieces of advice you'll ever hear is to listen to your heart; you already know how to be a parent.
Monday, May 9, 2016
What It's Like to Have a Teenage Boy
I talk a lot about what it's like to have a teenage daughter but teenage sons have challenges of their own. Let me paint you a picture of what it's like to have a testosterone driven teenage son.....
Imagine, if you will, a puppy. The puppy is energetic and always wants to wrestle. He is sweet and adorable but he's still a puppy. His attention span is virtually nil. He can't seem to remember basic commands anymore when presented with a toy. He is territorial and barks at anyone who comes near his "bed." He pees on the floor.
Now imagine that the puppy is a kid....
Boys are interesting creatures and have their own quirks. While moodiness isn't quite as severe or noticeable in most boys (as it is in girls), they seem to set the "common sense" part of their brain down when puberty hits. I'll let you know when I find out at what point they pick it back up. Their intelligence is still intact and somewhere beneath the selective hearing and the territorial moodiness (that all teenagers have), it is hiding . I'm convinced that it's peeking out from underneath the testosterone boost in their brain laughing at the confused parents.
If you're lucky, your son's biggest "obsession" will be video games or sports (like my son). If you're not, you end up with one obsessed with porn or sexting. Scary stuff.
Add on the fact that with the "mean girl" lifestyle being so prevalent, girls feel like they should control and manipulate boys. Now your son, who is already lacking common sense, is being bossed around and manipulated by a girl that swears she wants to date him. It's frightening, frankly.
So for every parent that says, "Well just be glad that you have boys," you can let them know that there are challenges on that end too. God's funny sense of humor doesn't stop at parents of little ladies.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
This is What Parenting Really Is
There are certain things in life that I believe make you truly realize that you're a parent. I'm not referring to the obvious ... birthing a child obviously makes you a parent. I'm talking about the moments that make you say, "Yup, this is what parenting really is...."
1. When the baby pees on you...if you're lucky, it's not in your face
2. When the baby poops through his clothes....in public
3. When your toddler repeats the swear word you accidentally said in front of her....in front of your mother in law
4. When your little man runs naked through the house after his bath
5. When your little man runs naked through the house after his snack
6. When your little man runs naked through the house after waking up
7. When your little man runs naked through the house before bed (noticing a pattern?)
8. When your little lady throws a flailing tantrum in the grocery store over not getting the Cookie Crisp cereal
9. When the PTA President gives you "that look" for bringing store bought cupcakes to the bake sale.
10. When the Principal has to call you to tell you that your son gave his friend an atomic wedgie
11. When your pre-teen rolls her eyes at you for the first time
12. When your pre teen rolls her eyes at you for the thirty seventh time
13. When your teenager rolls her eyes and sighs loudly every....time.....you......talk
14. When your kids just won't stop arguing....and you're there listening.
15. When after all of these things you still feel that insane love for your kids and realize that there is nothing they can ever do to change that...
1. When the baby pees on you...if you're lucky, it's not in your face
2. When the baby poops through his clothes....in public
3. When your toddler repeats the swear word you accidentally said in front of her....in front of your mother in law
4. When your little man runs naked through the house after his bath
5. When your little man runs naked through the house after his snack
6. When your little man runs naked through the house after waking up
7. When your little man runs naked through the house before bed (noticing a pattern?)
8. When your little lady throws a flailing tantrum in the grocery store over not getting the Cookie Crisp cereal
9. When the PTA President gives you "that look" for bringing store bought cupcakes to the bake sale.
10. When the Principal has to call you to tell you that your son gave his friend an atomic wedgie
11. When your pre-teen rolls her eyes at you for the first time
12. When your pre teen rolls her eyes at you for the thirty seventh time
13. When your teenager rolls her eyes and sighs loudly every....time.....you......talk
14. When your kids just won't stop arguing....and you're there listening.
15. When after all of these things you still feel that insane love for your kids and realize that there is nothing they can ever do to change that...
Saturday, May 7, 2016
To the Step Moms on Mother's Day
Dear Stepmom,
I've had a couple of you in my life and have had both ends of the spectrum experience-wise. The fact is, though, that I think more of you (and I mean a serious majority) are truly doing the best you can. Blended families are definitely a very difficult experience but you're fighting to do things right. You are kicking ass!
You're often judged and it's not fair. You're not trying to replace the kids' biological mom. The truth is that they're not mad at you, most of the time...they're sad that their happy ending wasn't so happy. The truth is that they don't hate you...they just aren't sure how to process things and they're scared of how their kids will do. If you're honest with yourself, you can see it from their perspective too (and vice versa). You are probably just as in love with your new stepchildren as you are with their dad. You, just like both of their biological parents, just want the best for them.
Kids have a habit of punishing you, too. They don't mean to. Hang in there. They'll come around.
Mostly, though, you might be judging yourself. Don't. You're doing a fantastic job. Keep being there for them. Keep encouraging them. Keep up all of your hard work because you're an important part of their life. Even if they have a few moments now, they'll get it down the road. You are awesome. Please know that.
If you are underappreciated this Mother's Day, please know that there are some of us that have incredible stepmothers that are cheering you on. There are some of us that know exactly how much of a void you can fill in your stepchildren's lives. There are some of us that are so proud of you and so thankful for you being there for the kids that need it most. You're amazing.
Keep plugging away step-mama, you're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
I've had a couple of you in my life and have had both ends of the spectrum experience-wise. The fact is, though, that I think more of you (and I mean a serious majority) are truly doing the best you can. Blended families are definitely a very difficult experience but you're fighting to do things right. You are kicking ass!
You're often judged and it's not fair. You're not trying to replace the kids' biological mom. The truth is that they're not mad at you, most of the time...they're sad that their happy ending wasn't so happy. The truth is that they don't hate you...they just aren't sure how to process things and they're scared of how their kids will do. If you're honest with yourself, you can see it from their perspective too (and vice versa). You are probably just as in love with your new stepchildren as you are with their dad. You, just like both of their biological parents, just want the best for them.
Kids have a habit of punishing you, too. They don't mean to. Hang in there. They'll come around.
Mostly, though, you might be judging yourself. Don't. You're doing a fantastic job. Keep being there for them. Keep encouraging them. Keep up all of your hard work because you're an important part of their life. Even if they have a few moments now, they'll get it down the road. You are awesome. Please know that.
If you are underappreciated this Mother's Day, please know that there are some of us that have incredible stepmothers that are cheering you on. There are some of us that know exactly how much of a void you can fill in your stepchildren's lives. There are some of us that are so proud of you and so thankful for you being there for the kids that need it most. You're amazing.
Keep plugging away step-mama, you're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
Friday, May 6, 2016
To the Working Mom on Mother's Day
Dear Working Mom,
You did it! You made it through another year! Your kids are doing fantastic and you're killing it!
You have a unique situation on Mother's Day and you face unique struggles. Your struggle is having to be away from your little ones during the day in order to provide them a better quality of life (or, in some cases, just to provide them life period because, let's face it, life is expensive). Most working moms don't want to be away but it's a necessary evil. Most have to rely on child care whether it's a family member, nanny, day care or anything of the like. We're always wondering, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The answer is yes, mama! Don't second guess yourself. You're working your ass off and your kids are thriving. Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the negative people that want to judge you. There will always be someone complaining. Know that your nanny (or day care teacher or whatever the case may be) sees all the amazing things you do and they're spending all day telling your little ones how much you love them. Know that their teachers see that you're doing you're best and how much you love them.
Even more than that, know this, Mama....your kids see it too. They're learning that hard work is the key to succeeding in life. They're learning that sacrifice is essential. They see that every moment you have with them is so much more special BECAUSE you have to be away during the day. Believe me, Mama...they'll know it as they age. They'll know that you had to go to work but that you were doing it ALL for them.
Keep your chin up. You're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
You did it! You made it through another year! Your kids are doing fantastic and you're killing it!
You have a unique situation on Mother's Day and you face unique struggles. Your struggle is having to be away from your little ones during the day in order to provide them a better quality of life (or, in some cases, just to provide them life period because, let's face it, life is expensive). Most working moms don't want to be away but it's a necessary evil. Most have to rely on child care whether it's a family member, nanny, day care or anything of the like. We're always wondering, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The answer is yes, mama! Don't second guess yourself. You're working your ass off and your kids are thriving. Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the negative people that want to judge you. There will always be someone complaining. Know that your nanny (or day care teacher or whatever the case may be) sees all the amazing things you do and they're spending all day telling your little ones how much you love them. Know that their teachers see that you're doing you're best and how much you love them.
Even more than that, know this, Mama....your kids see it too. They're learning that hard work is the key to succeeding in life. They're learning that sacrifice is essential. They see that every moment you have with them is so much more special BECAUSE you have to be away during the day. Believe me, Mama...they'll know it as they age. They'll know that you had to go to work but that you were doing it ALL for them.
Keep your chin up. You're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
Thursday, May 5, 2016
To the Stay at Home Mom on Mother's Day
Dear Stay At Home Mom,
If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!" You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up. You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good. There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.
Let's face it: you work your butt off too. There are some that give you crap for staying at home. Don't let them. Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job"). You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.
You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right. You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor. You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too). You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids. People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.
Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them. You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day. So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome. Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger." Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly. Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can. You're doing awesome!
I salute you.
Sincerely,
Me
If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!" You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up. You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good. There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.
Let's face it: you work your butt off too. There are some that give you crap for staying at home. Don't let them. Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job"). You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.
You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right. You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor. You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too). You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids. People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.
Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them. You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day. So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome. Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger." Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly. Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can. You're doing awesome!
I salute you.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
To the Single Mom on Mother's Day
To the Single Mom on Mother's Day:
You did it! You kicked ass for another year! Your kids are thriving, you're making changes in your life and you're killin in just like you always do. I know it can be discouraging, today, to see married moms get flowers and massages while you're still busy doing the exact same things you always do. I know that, today, just like every other day, you're going to doubt yourself at least two or three times and wonder if you're doing something wrong...wonder if you're doing a good enough job. You are. Your kids see how hard you fight and how much you work hard to make their lives easier. Your kids see that you're the constant in their life. Your kids see that you're a fighter...a survivor. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it all of the time. The next year is going to be tough...it always is. The next year is going to be busy....it always is. But you're going to kill it just like you always do. Smile and know that you are awesome! Flowers would be nice but the work ethic, toughness and love that you're instilling in your kids is worth so much more. Hang in there...in fact, don't just hang in there; climb up on that ledge, drop kick that stuff in your path and go farther than you thought you could! You're amazing, Mama!
Sincerely,
Me
Side note: A whole lot of these things apply to married moms too. I'm not, at all, underestimating motherhood, in general. What I will say is this: single moms often deal with a more "thankless" job than married moms. People don't often realize that when a married mom says she gets "no break", the reality is that single moms literally have no break. All of us are in this together. Hug a single mom and let her know that you see how hard she works and I'll bet she'll hug you back and tell you that you're kicking ass just as hard :)
You did it! You kicked ass for another year! Your kids are thriving, you're making changes in your life and you're killin in just like you always do. I know it can be discouraging, today, to see married moms get flowers and massages while you're still busy doing the exact same things you always do. I know that, today, just like every other day, you're going to doubt yourself at least two or three times and wonder if you're doing something wrong...wonder if you're doing a good enough job. You are. Your kids see how hard you fight and how much you work hard to make their lives easier. Your kids see that you're the constant in their life. Your kids see that you're a fighter...a survivor. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it all of the time. The next year is going to be tough...it always is. The next year is going to be busy....it always is. But you're going to kill it just like you always do. Smile and know that you are awesome! Flowers would be nice but the work ethic, toughness and love that you're instilling in your kids is worth so much more. Hang in there...in fact, don't just hang in there; climb up on that ledge, drop kick that stuff in your path and go farther than you thought you could! You're amazing, Mama!
Sincerely,
Me
Side note: A whole lot of these things apply to married moms too. I'm not, at all, underestimating motherhood, in general. What I will say is this: single moms often deal with a more "thankless" job than married moms. People don't often realize that when a married mom says she gets "no break", the reality is that single moms literally have no break. All of us are in this together. Hug a single mom and let her know that you see how hard she works and I'll bet she'll hug you back and tell you that you're kicking ass just as hard :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Bad Days
Sometimes it's just one of those days. Here's how you get through.....
1. Breathe. It sounds simple but just taking a few minutes to take a deep breath (or 10-12 deep breaths) just helps you re-center yourself.
2. Scream. Don't scream AT anyone. Just find a nice open space and scream. Here's the catch....you need to scream something positive. "I'm worth it! I'm awesome! I've got this!" Screaming something that loudly that is so positive will likely have a positive effect on your overall mood.
3. Think about the dancing baby from "Ally McBeal". Bet you didn't think you'd ever think about that again...and I bet you smirked. You're welcome.
4. Go for a walk. The endorphins will do you good and the fresh air can heal almost any case of the blahs.
5. Call a friend. Even if you can't get together, just hearing their voice can be enough.
6. Hug someone. If you can hunt down Channing Tatum, hug him....but ask first because, you know, boundaries.
7. Sing out loud. Maybe it's feel good songs or maybe it's heavy metal head-banging music....sing....loudly. It never fails to improve one's mood.
8. Repeat this mantra.... "This is only one moment, not a lifetime. It's gonna get better." Sounds cheesy but thinking positive can make a huge difference.
If all else fails, go back to bed, take a nap and start the day again. If it's too late in the day, have a glass of wine, take a bath and relaxxxxxxxxx.
Monday, May 2, 2016
10 Things I Can Now Do From the Toilet Since Having Kids
To lighten the mood a bit, I'd like to present the 10 things I, now, know I am capable of doing thanks to trying to use the bathroom as a mom....
1. Manage a small country. If I can handle the quarreling squibble squabble of four siblings in the prime of their fussy years, I am relatively certain I could manage a small country from my own personal porcelain throne.
2. Write an instruction manual. Inevitably, I'm asked questions that require detailed descriptions, which have taught me that I am quite capable of writing an instruction manual for nearly anything from the comfort of my booty box.
3. Interrogate a witness. If you've ever heard a crash while you're in the middle of pooping, you know exactly what I mean...."what was that noise? okay what were YOU doing when it happened..." all from the safety of the dump tank.
4. Be a traveling make up artist....because, let's face it, we're ALWAYS multi tasking as moms and sometimes you gotta cram in putting on your makeup while you're using the potty. I'm very capable of applying a full face of makeup with nothing but a tiny compact mirror in under 3 minutes while I pee.
5. Aid an expert composer in decoding a symphony. I know every sound I hear behind that door and I'm an expert at decoding what they're into now. I can hear a candy wrapper from another floor.
6. Serve as a human lie detector. "Are you playing on your phone?" "Noooooo" "S, are you SURE you wanna lie to me?" "I was playing on my phone, I'll put it away." Mic drop.
7. Scrub the toothpaste from the sink. Now, this has only worked for me because I have small homes that have sinks right next to the toilet. Let's face it, if I'm sitting there, I may as well do SOMETHING productive, right?
8. Creatively assess at least ten new nicknames for my son based on the fact that he canNOT stop peeing on the toilet seat. I'm thinking this would be helpful to the CIA to help them establish code names for undercover operations. Enter Operation Sprinkle McTinkle.
9. Nap. Okay I haven't REALLY figured this one out yet but I'm relatively certain that I might one day be able to achieve a quick power nap while I poo.
10. Maintain my sanity. That couple of minutes of quiet is so exactly what I need sometimes. My sanity is maintained and everyone survives outside the bathroom....even if they are waiting like alley cats at a dumpster when I get out.
1. Manage a small country. If I can handle the quarreling squibble squabble of four siblings in the prime of their fussy years, I am relatively certain I could manage a small country from my own personal porcelain throne.
2. Write an instruction manual. Inevitably, I'm asked questions that require detailed descriptions, which have taught me that I am quite capable of writing an instruction manual for nearly anything from the comfort of my booty box.
3. Interrogate a witness. If you've ever heard a crash while you're in the middle of pooping, you know exactly what I mean...."what was that noise? okay what were YOU doing when it happened..." all from the safety of the dump tank.
4. Be a traveling make up artist....because, let's face it, we're ALWAYS multi tasking as moms and sometimes you gotta cram in putting on your makeup while you're using the potty. I'm very capable of applying a full face of makeup with nothing but a tiny compact mirror in under 3 minutes while I pee.
5. Aid an expert composer in decoding a symphony. I know every sound I hear behind that door and I'm an expert at decoding what they're into now. I can hear a candy wrapper from another floor.
6. Serve as a human lie detector. "Are you playing on your phone?" "Noooooo" "S, are you SURE you wanna lie to me?" "I was playing on my phone, I'll put it away." Mic drop.
7. Scrub the toothpaste from the sink. Now, this has only worked for me because I have small homes that have sinks right next to the toilet. Let's face it, if I'm sitting there, I may as well do SOMETHING productive, right?
8. Creatively assess at least ten new nicknames for my son based on the fact that he canNOT stop peeing on the toilet seat. I'm thinking this would be helpful to the CIA to help them establish code names for undercover operations. Enter Operation Sprinkle McTinkle.
9. Nap. Okay I haven't REALLY figured this one out yet but I'm relatively certain that I might one day be able to achieve a quick power nap while I poo.
10. Maintain my sanity. That couple of minutes of quiet is so exactly what I need sometimes. My sanity is maintained and everyone survives outside the bathroom....even if they are waiting like alley cats at a dumpster when I get out.
Quick Thought
Sometimes the little things in life are as simple as the giggles of your children from the other room, playing together peacefully instead of fighting.
Sometimes the little things in life are as simple as making a total ass of yourself playing a dance game on the kinect just to make the kids laugh.
Somethings the little things in life are as simple as talking about science with your ten year old.
Take the time to hug the people you love. Take the time to tell them how much you love them.
There isn't a promise for tomorrow.
Sometimes the little things in life are as simple as making a total ass of yourself playing a dance game on the kinect just to make the kids laugh.
Somethings the little things in life are as simple as talking about science with your ten year old.
Take the time to hug the people you love. Take the time to tell them how much you love them.
There isn't a promise for tomorrow.
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