Apologies

Our entire culture has become one of  no apologies.  Instead of accepting the blame for what we've done and genuinely apologizing, we spend all of our time saying, "Don't judge me" and "it's not my fault."  As parents, I think we tend to feel like this is our only option sometimes.  The world can be a very harsh place.  We are already constantly second guessing ourselves and when we screw up, we feel like everyone else will be judging us too.  In some cases, it might be true.  People WILL judge you but it's all about your approach as to how badly.

Let me explain.....

If you make a mistake and your response is "Don't judge me" or "it's not my fault," people are going to judge you.  Why?  You're expressly denying anything you contributed.  Instead of trying to own your behavior and, therefore, expressing a desire to modify your future behavior, you are essentially saying, "I don't care if I messed up.  I'll do it again if I have the chance."  It might not be your intent but it's the message you convey.  Am I saying that you should never take this approach?  No.  However, be careful what situations you use it with because it WILL come back to you in spades.

So how should you approach it?

Well, my recommendation is to be honest.  If you inappropriately handled something, apologize.  Seriously...Say, "I made a mistake.  I hope you can forgive me."  Immediately, it will take MOST people from the defensive position to the offensive position.  It also opens a door to understanding what's required to modify your behavior.  All of the sudden, the same people that were looking at your behavior and tsk-tsk-ing you are standing at your side and saying, "They messed up but they're sorry.  Now back off."  Your critics become your defenders.  On top of that, you are genuinely learning and growing as a person.

While you think you're doing yourself a favor "avoiding" judgment, the reality is that you are opening yourself up to a world of criticism that you don't need.  Do yourself a REAL favor and just own up and apologize.  It will come back to you in amazing ways.