There is a whole movement (for lack of better word) about how school dress codes are shaming girls. I don't tend to offend easily nor do I like to jump to conclusions; therefore, I wanted to look into it a bit more. I spent a series of several months looking up 25 different school dress codes other than my kids' schools. My criteria was that it had to be a public school and had to have a handbook available on the school or district's website. I tried to vary locations to represent a wide variety of places in the country.
What I found was relatively disturbing. When I reviewed dress codes, I found that nearly all of the rules either directly mentioned girls or were implied toward feminine clothes (aka spaghetti straps). Boys were essentially told that they had to have their pants pulled up to the appropriate level (which was actually aimed toward girls too) and that they couldn't wear muscle shirts or tank tops (at some schools). Girls were told that they couldn't wear spaghetti straps, tank tops, muscle shirts, anything that showed any skin on the back, anything that cut too low in the front, anything that showed their stomach when they lifted their arms and couldn't have bra straps showing. They were told that their shorts, skirts, and dresses had to go to the tip of their middle finger with their arms down or, in some cases, down to their knee. They were told that they couldn't have "excessively sized" earrings and no distracting jewelry. They can't wear open toe shoes (which would apply to boys in flip flops/sandals as well), heels, or anything strappy even if it had a closed toe. None of the kids could have "distracting" color in their hair at some schools. Girls weren't allowed to carry purses at a whole lot of schools. A clear 80-85% of rules were aimed at girls.
Why?
The explanation seems to be given that it's "distracting" but my question is "to whom?" Instead of teaching boys to keep their eyes on the road (so to speak), we are teaching girls that it's their fault if boys are distracted. We are teaching girls that if they wear a tank top, they might cause a boy to be so distracted that he might get poor grades. We are teaching girls that if they have mid-thigh length shorts, boys might be so distracted that they'll get into trouble. But why? Why is that the girl's fault? Why are we not teaching our boys to be responsible for their own bodies and their own actions?
I think the cherry on top of the crap sundae for me was seeing a boy in one of the local schools wearing a shirt that says "Cool story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich." Hold the phone.... so it's not okay for a girl to wear a v-neck shirt but it's okay for a boy to wear a completely sexist shirt? (Don't get me wrong...I think the shirt is funny in a lewd way but for an adult....a teenage kid shouldn't be wearing that. I wouldn't buy it personally but I wouldn't be offend if I saw an adult man wearing it....I just wouldn't be surprised if he was an eternal bachelor with that attitude). I'm just not exactly certain how THAT isn't considered distracting with all the rules that are aimed at girls. I happen to know that the girls' rules are enforced pretty strictly...yet this is okay.
Being a mom of boys (and girls), I find this completely unacceptable. Either we have a dress code to prevent distraction for all students or we stop putting so many restrictions on the kids. When we stop allowing the American flag to be worn but we allow Black Panther shirts to be worn and not considered distracting, we are creating a double standard. When we stop allowing girls to wear a shirt with a cut out in the back but allow boys to wear a shirt that is clearly demoralizing toward women, we are creating a double standard. When we teach people that they can't wear a shirt promoting Christianity or Mormonism or Buddhism but we can promote atheism, it's a double standard. Why are we teaching our boys (and girls) that they aren't responsible for their actions...that clothes can "make" them do things?
After doing all of this "research", I think there need to be some serious changes made to our thinking. If we are truly trying to protect our children, we need to teach them to be responsible for their bodies and minds. We need to teach them that they have the control to take care of themselves. We need to stop teaching our girls that what they wear makes them responsible for what other people choose to do. Period. This is not okay.
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