Moving On to Bigger and Better Things

Though the title of this refers to "bigger and better things," I suppose there's no true way to know for sure if what you're venturing into in the next big steps are bigger and better or just different.  Certainly, everything has its pros and cons and, honestly, sometimes (just like with a baby) a change of hands is a good thing.

There have been a lot of big steps and changes in my life over the past six months.  I've had a major surgery (well major to ME anyway), changed jobs, and now I'm changing vehicles and going back to having a car payment.  I have to trust that God's had His hand on all of this and that there is a bright side to all of these.  With that being said, I'm going to give a brief synopsis of the GREAT things about this and focus on the positives of these big changes today....

My surgery.  Honestly, four months after my surgery, I'm feeling pretty awesome.  I've gotten back into a regular workout routine.  It's not as intense as I've done previously but it's easing back into it and I'm feeling awesome with it.  It has made me start to feel like me again.  My health has been a lot better and (cover your ears boy) it IS definitely nice to not have periods anymore.  The hot flashes have subsided, for the most part.  I still get hit occasionally.  My body temperature seems to have gone back to  normal so I'm not hot all of the time.  The night sweats have mostly subsided. My mood swings are few and far between.  Honestly, the surgery did exactly what the doctor intended....it made me stronger and more able to take on the future.

My Job Change I went from being a gymnastics instructor to a nanny.  Let me first say that I definitely miss my little guys with gymnastics instruction.  With that being said, I also thankful.  I've already gotten attached to my little buddies during my time with them.  I already feel like they're family.  I've watched some of the strides they're already making and how much they smile when I get to spend time with them and it's wonderful.  I have an amazing boss and she advocates for me.  The whole family have amazingly big  hearts and I love it!  I don't think I could be more blessed in my job front!

My Car Ahhh my car, my baby.  While I am terribly sad to see it totaled out, let me focus on the positive.  Any legal ties I had to my ex on property are now gone.  I am only tied to him through my children now.  The car also needed some work that I won't have to focus on right away now.  My new vehicle (though having a payment stinks) is a great van and suits our family well.  It's a big blessing.

So on this "Flashback Friday", I want to turn my attention to the positives of the blessings that are coming and hope that there are more amazing blessings in my future that bring me even closer to the goals and prayers that I have.  Thank You Lord for all of the blessings I've been given.

Hang in there: The easiest thing to say and the hardest thing to do

Hang in there.  I'm pretty sure that a lot of people say it frequently when someone they know comes into hardship and they don't know what else to say.  I've said it myself pretty frequently.  In my opinion, it stems from an inability to know what to say and even more inability to help with the situation.  Think about it...if you know a friend that's struggling financially and you don't have any finances to help them, what do you say?  Hang in there, it'll get better.  Why?  Because you can't help them and you have no idea what to tell them.  If you have a friend whose mother recently passed away, what do you say?  Hang in there, time heals all wounds.  Why?  Because you can't do anything that will help the situation or take the hurt away; you have no idea what else to say.

Believe in whatever larger than life being you want (or if you so choose, believe in nothing) but God has a funny way of allowing things to happen that make us feel completely and totally overwhelmed.  You're already dealing with a half dozen issues and He allows another issue to be piled on top.  Note how I phrased that though.  I don't believe that God CAUSES these problems but I believe that He allows them to happen.  Sometimes the reasoning is that He's trying to teach us a lesson.  Sometimes the reasoning is that we're too damn stubborn and want to do it our way so He allows us (remember, He gave us free will).  Sometimes the reasoning is that we're about the receive a great blessing and there has to be some rain before the rainbow.  Sometimes it has nothing to do with us at all, I think, but we're just affected by someone else's lot in life.

Whatever the reasoning or cause, hardships stink and "hang in there" is the easiest thing to say but the hardest thing to do.

Taking a Moment to Evaluate Short Term Goals

In the midst of a million things happening at once, I have to stop and take a moment to collect myself.  My vehicle is in limbo right now.  The solutions are such that none of them are truly profitable for me as far as I can see.  That car is my baby and I'm sad that it's "hurting" right now but I'm not sure what the best option is and I'm waiting for God to move swiftly to show me.

My new job is going beautifully but it is definitely exhausting and the hours are long.  That's  a GOOD thing for me financially.  With that being said, I'm happy to be headed for two days of unadulterated crazies time.  I've missed them a lot and if I ever had my way (truly), I'd be a full time SAH mom with a PT travel photography job. Universe, are you listening?  Still, I am thankful for the wonderful job I've been given and the opportunities it will, no doubt, provide.

There have been a few hiccups in the crazies' school stuff.  Mostly it's just other kids being brats and causing stuff.  Daniel decided to lie about his homework and had to spend a whole day catching up on what he should have done during the week.  Long story short, they're doing great but need to buckle down and start exhibiting the effort that I know they're capable of.

So where do I want to be a month from now....

Ideally, the car situation would be resolved with virtually  no financial money up front for us to pay out.  If that means a new car, the new car payment would be affordable and the new car would be the perfect fit.  It that means keeping my car, ALL of the issues with the car would be resolved.

I'd love to see us completely debt-free.  There are a few things I'd like to eliminate completely or downsize but I'd love to be completely and totally debt-free with some savings begun.

Getting settled into the new schedule.  This would mean a lot of things but mostly it'd mean the whole family getting into a rhythm based around our new schedules through school, work, etc.

Eliminating the people that are causing toxic effects on my life and draw closer to the ones that are helping me to move toward my goals or supporting me in them.  I've started the elimination process but it's lengthy and not so much fun.

Slowing down from Daniel's birthday and easing into Anthony's.  Also prepping for Halloween.  I love the idea of decorating but also making/getting great costumes for the kids and maybe even going out with my love to celebrate!

Finding ways to turn God's blessings into praise.  Ultimately, that's what matters, in the end. :)

New Job

I started my new job yesterday and I'm already loving it.  I get the privilege of caring for two precious little munchkins (12 weeks and 14 weeks respectively) for two great families.  I think it will take a little bit of adjustment on all the people involved but I know it's for the best.  We're starting to work on sleep schedules (and schedules in general).  We're working on coordinating our own schedules and finding out what works best for everyone involved.  Thus far, though, here are my favorite things about being back in the world of nannying....

1.  Getting to be a part of a "family."  I have an amazing family of my own but this gives me the privilege of even more "family." 

2.  Even more smiling faces to see on a daily basis.  My little guys (well, guy and girl) are happy as clams to see me in the mornings and after each and every nap.  It's actually pretty awesome!

3.  Great hours, great pay

4.  Weekends off.

5.  Doing something I'm really GREAT at.

6.  Getting to take walks (work out) on the job and it benefits both the babies AND me!

More to come as I continue my job :)

Flash Flood

So after I posted my last post, I had a scary experience.  I got caught in a flash flood wave.  My car was flooded out on the exterior, choked out and refused to come back to life.  I have no idea what the outcome of this is going to be but it scared the crap out of me.  I'm really having a difficult time grasping the whole thing right now.  I just posted about how that car is my baby and it breaks my heart that it might not be around much longer...we shall see.

Window Shopping

Just for fun...okay more for window shopping, I was perusing engagement rings today and fell in love with one.  I'm contemplating proposing to myself so I can have the ring. LOL 

 

So here's my explanation as to why this is the ring that I'm in love with.....

 

1.  It's a small, relatively simple but beautiful ring.  This is the perfect symbolism of me...small, relatively simple but beautiful (and no, I'm not completely narcissistic)

 

2.  It's inexpensive...we're talking under $100.  This is important to me because I don't like wearing alot of money on me.  It's ridiculous to me to spend thousands of dollars on something that isn't about the money...it's about the gesture and what it symbolizes.

 

3.  It's sterling silver as opposed to gold.  I'm not a gold fan...never have been.  I love the look of silver and I think that it's more suiting to my complexion, honestly.  Gold is too fru fru for me.

 

4.  There are four "loops" to represent my four crazies.  Especially being that I'm not some young, wet-behind-the-ears twenty something anymore, this is highly representative of my beautiful children and something I could wear on my hand that tied us all together as a family without the blah of a Mother's ring (which are beautiful for those that love jewelry but I'm not a huge jewelry person...I want an all-in-one here. LOL)

 

5.  The stone is a white sapphire.  Sapphire is my birth stone so I feel like the white sapphire would represent sort of where I came from and who I am.

 

6.  Finally the stone in the middle is round....and those of us that have seen "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" can tell you that a circle represents eternity.  It's never-ending. Haha!  Seriously though, the circle represents forever with the person I love most.

 

So, yes, engagement probably is a long time off (if it happens at all) but this is what I want to represent my beautiful family if it happens....the perfect gesture of love and the perfect ring to go with it.  On that note, maybe I'll propose to myself as a late birthday gift.



Taking Care of What You Have

Taking care of what you have is important.  In fact, I sometimes forget HOW important.  I get so wrapped up in how much things are gonna cost or how much time it'll take in the midst of my busy schedule that I forget that I need to take care of things.  My car is one of those examples.

I love my car.  In fact, I love my car a lot.  No, it's not the coolest car on the planet or the one that goes from 0-60 in under 30 seconds but it's mine and it's paid for and it's wonderful because of that.  My car needs a lot of maintenance right now.  I managed to get my plates for the year as well as getting one part fixed but it still needs a laundry list of other things done.

In seeing the list and spending time today (and I mean ALOT of time) scrubbing my car and taking care of it, I began to really think about how much this car has been through and how many amazing memories it has.  It's made trips from here to there and it even brought me out here.  It's my first new car that I've owned outright and it's seen Syd come home from the hospital, even.

I got a real reminder today of the fact that I need to really prioritize caring for my "baby" and making sure that it's taken care of in the most optimum fashion.  Here's to praying that money happens and I can make the things I want to fix come to fruition. :)

Flashback Friday

Flashback Friday.

 

This picture was taken after hiking to the top of my first 14'er on my birthday 2 years ago :)

Knowledge is Power

I'm a research hound...I love to read....OKAY I'M A GEEK!  I'm a certifiable, "Big Bang Theory" lovin, nonfiction reading nerd.....and I'm okay with that.  This afternoon, my love came in and suggested a large purchase to me.  He left me unattended for a whopping half hour and came back to a novel hand-written in a notebook normally reserved for the children.  Here's what it comes down to....

1.  Knowledge is power.  If you are making any sort of big decision, it's always smart to research so you know what you're getting into.

2.  EVERYTHING requires maintenance.  No matter what big item you're buying, everything requires maintenance and you need to be able to know what the costs of maintaining that item are going to be.

3.  Taking notes gives me the ability to repeat it back as it's written so I don't confuse information.

4.  Getting f***ed over SUCKS!  Actually knowing what you're doing gives you the ability to prevent that as much as possible.

5.  Research is fun.  I'm a geek but I love learning about things, especially things I don't know much about.  I love being able to share random facts and I actually love when I'm one of the smartest people in the room.

In the end, he decided that the big purchase wasn't the right one but he did it with a well-informed mind.....and an amazement at his girl's ability to look crap up on the internet.

9/11

(The image above was searched on google and is NOT my image.  I own no rights to it but I think it's beautiful and wanted to repost)

 

Today is a bittersweet day for me.  Today I celebrate my 33rd birthday but today is also a day of mourning and remembrance for the events of 9/11/2001.  Everyone has their story....this is mine:

 

My daughter was 7 1/2 months old and I was driving from my apartment to my mom's (and sister's) house to babysit my sister's daughter for the day.  The day was going like any other day, except that I was celebrating a milestone...I was turning 21.  As I was driving, I was listening to the radio and heard them cut in with breaking news.  The way that they phrased it was that some "idiot" had crashed a plane into the World Trade Center.  They didn't know the real story, at the time.  Laughing it off, they made light of the situation, not knowing that this was an attack on our freedom.

 

As I walked in the front door of my mom's house, I turned my face to the TV and my mom said, "Did you hear about the plane that hit the World Trade Center?"  I commented back that I'd heard it on the radio that some idiot had run into the building.  Moments later, we watched the live video as the second plane hit.  I was panicked out of my mind....this was no longer "some idiot"...this was terrible.

 

 

Being close to Atlanta at the time, we were considered one of the at-risk cities for the terrorists to come after (because of the CDC).  I was panicked but in complete shock and awe as we watched hours of the live video.  I couldn't tear myself away from it.  I watched the stories of the Pentagon and the field in Pennsylvania.  I watched the people running out of the buildings and some jumping in desperation.  Then I watched the towers fall, one at a time.  The entire time, I was in tears.  Those poor people...their poor families.

 

I can honestly say, without questions, that the events of that day have changed me forever.  I share the celebration of my birth with the death of so many in an attack on our country's own soil.  I share my birthday with a day that started a war that we are still fighting today in countries overseas.  It is bittersweet.  I don't think I will ever truly celebrate again, knowing that so many have lost their lives on this day and so many are mourning their losses.  So here's what I'm hoping....

 

I hope that our nation never forgets.  Like a scar on your body, I hope that, though it heals, it leaves a mark that reminds you daily that you are living in a nation that is free because of the brave men and women that fight for it.  I hope that our nation takes a moment to pray for the families of those that lost their lives and I hope that our nation takes a moment to recognize and remember the victims of 9/11.  I hope that our nation stands up today and makes a stand that we will NOT have our liberty taken away from us.  I hope that our nation stands up and says, "You will NOT come into our country and scare us....we are united and proud to be Americans."  Most of all, I hope that our nation looks forward and thinks of how we can make this day a day that celebrates the lives of those lost and the future our great country has.  May God Bless the USA!

2 year anniversary

2 years ago today, I embarked on a journey that changed my life in a million and one ways.  Today I celebrate the anniversary of my move to Colorado.  As I think back, I think of how scared I was.  I think back on how big of a step it was and how I didn't realize exactly HOW big until after it's been said and done.  I think of how bittersweet it was leaving, knowing that it was the right decision but also knowing I was gonna miss things and people.  It was the hardest, and yet one of the best decisions I've ever made and I'm very blessed to say that.

I can honestly say that I look back on my move to Colorado with utter amazement.  God brought together the perfect circumstances and the perfect people to make the whole thing move as flawlessly as it could.  I can honestly say that I look back and think, "Wow....how did I get so lucky?"  Yes, people tried to stunt that spiritual blessing but God found a way over and over again.  I had to give up a lot of my "stuff" but I have the most important "stuff" to me....my family.

I look forward and wonder where I'm gonna go next.  I pray that it's new, amazing and something that knocks the socks off of all of my naysayers.

My Goals for the Next Year

Since I did my hopes and dreams yesterday, today I choose to do what my actual goals are for the next year....

1.  Catch up on bills, save, and achieve a new (and positive) degree of financial stability.  Basically, I want to prove to the world, God, and myself that I am stronger than the challenges that were thrown at me.

2.  Make time to exercise more and try to run at least two major "races".  I'd love for one of them to be the Dirty Girl Mud Run.

3. Tell the people I love that I love them more often.

4.  Grow my photography business.

Pray Big!

While I feel that it is good to set goals for the next year, my focus for tonight is going to be on what my ideal "next steps" would be.  Some of these are more attainable and realistic than others but bear with me; like I said, these are ideals, not expectations.  Please ALSO understand that this does NOT mean that I am not grateful for every single thing that I have.  God tells us to dream big and pray big.

HOUSE:  My ideal would be to move into a fantastic new house with room enough for the kids to have their own bedrooms and their own space.  The REALLY ideal would be that there would be a nice big yard with space for a garden, a play set/ play house, and room for me to have my own studio space, even if it's not a big one.

VEHICLES:  I would love to have my Uplander fixed up and brought back up to tip top shape to be a "run back and forth" vehicle but I would also love to get another vehicle, free and clear.  My dream vehicle is a Audi Q7 (AWD, etc).  If it was REALLY ideal, the Uplander would be a third vehicle and I'd get a smaller Audi for Tony to drive back and forth and a Q7 for me....I'd love for the Q7 to be the family vehicle and for me to get a Q5 but that's probably dreaming a little TOO big!  Haha

THE FEAR IS GONE:  I would love to have my children be able to have closure on their situation with their extended family, etc that is no longer around.  The really ideal would be seeing them get to achieve what they all ultimately want which is for our household to be a REAL family, legally and in every other way, without the threat of anyone else ever interfering with that in a negative way.

HEALTH:  I'd like to move my health one step further and get some dental work taken care of WITHOUT it being an emergency situation.  I'd also like to get everyone in the house well-physicals, well-dental exams, and well-eye exams.  In addition, I would like to be able to afford the luxury of taking the kids in for the orthodontic consults they're probably in need of.  Truly ideal?  Boobs...hey a girl can dream, right?  Hahaha

FINANCIAL BLESSING:  I've said it before and I'll say it again..financial stability, savings and the ability to give freely are the prayers of my lifetime.  College savings, vacation savings, regular savings, emergency savings, and so on and so forth.

THE CONSIDERATION OF "THE NEXT STEP":  While I am definitely not sure exactly what my future holds, I'd love the true ability to be able to consider the next step.  I'd like for us to be able to afford to take that next step, think of timing and decide if it's what we want without worrying about the financial aspect.

BULL DOGS AND KITTENS:  One of the things I miss the most is having pets.  The kids want things like bunnies, guinea pigs and fish (all of which I'd love to give them for responsibility's sake) but I'd love to get 2 bull dogs and 2 kittens.  If' I'm being REALLY ideal, I'd add a lab pup to it too so I have a running buddy.  I'd love for the bulldogs to be English bull dogs and at least one of them brindled....the kittens I just want to be VERY fuzzy.

WORK/BUSINESS:  I'd love for my freelance to pick up but even more than that, an ideal job would allow me to be home with my kids most of the time, having a flexible schedule but maybe be able to travel once every couple of months to see the sites.  I'd be able to be a room mother, coach, etc as much as I wanted because I could easily afford it.  I'd also have my own home studio.

FINALLY....

ACTIVITIES AND SUCH FOR THE KIDS:  This kind of expands on several territories.  I'd love to get them all Kindles for school purposes and get the older two "emergency" cell phones.  I'd love to let them each get involved in a structured activity, be it a sport or whatever.  I'd love to be an involved parent IN that activity and in their school's PTSA, etc.

So that's the ideal.  If the universe is listening or God's feeling generous, there ya go.  You want to see me turn my blessings around even more times a million, allow me the opportunity to show what I can do.  The reality is that these are ideals...prayers....thinking big.  I'm thankful and grateful for all that I have regardless.  I'm very blessed.

The past year...reflections

So on the eve (so to speak since it's actually days away) of my 33rd birthday, I have taken the time to really think about the last year and how much has gone on.....

NEW HOUSE:  While we're still renting, at this time last year, we were looking for a new place to live.  We wanted out of the apartments that were just not a great environment for the kids anymore (rowdy kids, etc).  God blessed us with a great little townhouse with great neighbors on the other side.  The new house brought some great new friends into the kids' lives as well as the opportunity to have more space so we could host sleepovers and such.  My goal IS a house big enough for the kids to have their own bedrooms, of course and I believe that someday God has that in store for us.  In the meantime, I'm very, very thankful for the house we have.

JOB:  I had just started back to teaching gymnastics and now I'm moving on AGAIN to something different.  While I love teaching gymnastics, a different opportunity presented itself that serves my family better in the long run.  My fella's job  has also changed for the better and I couldn't be more thankful :)

ANOTHER YEAR STRONGER:  There have been ups and downs but our family is stronger and happier now than before and I truly believe God has blessed that.

HEALTHIER:  At this time last year, I was dealing with a lot of health issues that were resolved with my hysterectomy.  Yes, it was a somewhat difficult and frustrating recovery but I feel very blessed to be happier and healthier now.

SETTLED IN:  I'm finally achieving the final steps to truly being settled into Colorado officially.  Slowly but surely, I take the blessings that God's giving me and putting them to work to truly make my life better here.  Some changes/blessings are easier to cope with than others. 

FRIENDS:  Some friends have come and some have gone.  Some of them I'm sad to see go and others I wish good riddance to.  The fact is that I am clearing out the drama and dramatic ickiness that I just don't need anymore.

So what am I hoping for by the time next year comes around....stay tuned for my next post....

Flashback Friday Picture

My Baby girl and My Fella!

BRONCOS, BABY!!!

One word....Broncos.   462 yards.....7 touchdowns....record setting night.  Amazing Game 1!!!

Long Post About Marriage and Stuff

When I was going through my separation and divorce, the number one question I got was whether I'd ever do it again.  The answer has evolved over time but, as always, I have a few opinions on the topic.  So here goes....

1.  Marriage is a very big, very permanent decision.  People always seem shocked when they hear me say this because I'm a divorcee.  The fact is that I, obviously, didn't plan to get divorced.  As the matter of fact, I got married for stupid reasons, the wrong reasons.  I got married way too young, without thinking and to someone that I was never in love with.  While I don't regret it (because I learned a lot of lessons and got the four most amazing kids on the planet from it), I definitely wouldn't choose to do something like that on a whim again.  Despite my divorce, and probably even more so because of it, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I believe that (in most cases) you can stick it out and should stick it out when you're in love.

2.  Marriage is NOT just about a piece of paper.  As the matter of fact, marriage is about more than just a piece of paper.  Yes, you can be in a committed relationship and not need to get married but there is something to be said about someone not just choosing you for life but committing to showing that to everyone around them.  Wearing those rings around, having the "married" status, and being the husband/wife of someone is about declaring the person you've chosen and will never stray from.

3.  Marriage is work.  This can, really, be said for all relationships.  Sometimes they aren't much fun because you're driving each other nuts.  Still, the person you marry is there for you in the fun, happy times AND in the stressful, angry times.  It's tiring and relentless but it's also one of the most amazing and wonderful blessings you'll ever be a part of, when it's done right.

4.  Marriage SHOULD be about making your partner falling in love with you all over again every day.  It SHOULD be about making absolutely certain that you are putting your partner's needs before your own.  That means compromise (even if it means watching something on TV you hate or doing something when you're too tired).  It means finding ways to romance someone who you've romanced a thousand times before.  It's a lot work but it's a commitment that is repaid to you every day.

5.  Marriage is ONE person for the rest of your life.  My biggest pet peeve in committed relationships is when people feel the need to stray.  People start taking their partner for granted and seem to forget why they fell for them to begin with.  Whether you're gay, straight or bi sexual, your marriage is committing to ONE person.  You're allowed to LOOK at other people but no cheating.  Cheating is constituted by contacting another person with any sort of advance/flirtation (this includes any kind of communication including but not limited to online, phone calls, text messages, etc), physically touching or allowing someone else to touch you in a way that is inappropriate (hand holding, kissing, butt pinching, or any contact whatsoever with a private part of your body <i.e. breasts, sexual organs, or butts>), and emotional connections in a relationship manner (telling other people that you love them, want to be with them, etc even if you have no intention of actually acting on that.)

So I guess the answer to my most-asked question would be "yes", I'd do it again.  I'd do it with the understanding that my soul mate/love would agree with the above-written rules and that they'd WANT to actively act those out.

Labor Day 2013

 

This, pretty much, sums up Labor Day for us.  It was a chill, really warm day to just have a blast and hang out as a family.  We celebrated with the last water balloon fight of the season, a cookout and we're about to dip into some dessert!

I'm keeping it short and sweet today.....Life is a series of unexpected twists and turns.  Sometimes the things that you think are best aren't anywhere close to what you really need.  It can be a let-down, it can be a relief, or it can be exactly what you expected in the first place.  Sometimes some of the most difficult decisions turn out to be the ones that are the most rewarding.

Flashback Friday (A Little Late)

 

 

My First Rockies Game!