Short and Sweet: Traditions

Today, the last day of September, create a new tradition.  Maybe it's something small like taking a bubble bath every Friday night after the kids are in bed.  Maybe it's something big like planning a new game for Thanksgiving dinner with your family or planning to do something nice and fun for Halloween for someone else.  Regardless, it's not about whether or not it's big or small.  It's about whether or not it's special to you and your family.

Tradition is a beautiful thing and so underrated in today's world.  It's a good foundation builder and a great exercise in trust and confidence.

Short and Sweet: Smile

Today's post is short and sweet.....

Smile More.

Just Smile.

Don't worry about why or when.  Smile.

Today, I want to challenge you....just spread the love.  Don't worry about whether or not you make it a picture perfect moment.  Don't worry about whether or not it's noticed by anyone else.  Just spread the love.

Compliment a stranger

Call your mate just to tell them that you love them

Let a new mom take a nap while you get baby snuggles.

Bring a stressed coworker some coffee.

Kiss your kids just one more time....and then kiss them again and tell them how great they are.

Call your parents and tell them "thank you."

Tell your boss how much you appreciate him/her.

Find a way to pay it forward today and spread the love.

What I Want to See in a President

I watched the debate last night (part of it) and all I can say is that my brain was tied in knots afterward.  I'm not going to get into how I feel like it was biased or how I feel like they were backpedaling like crazy.  I'm not going to get into logistics.

What I'm going to say, instead, is what I want to see from a President....

I want to see a President that loves our country intensely.  I want a President that hears the National Anthem and feels the pride of knowing that we live in the greatest country in the world.  I want a President that tears up when he/she hears the National Anthem and knows that it honors the men and women that have fought for our country.

I want a President that believes in the Constitution.  I want a President that fights to protect it.  If something needs changed, I want a President that uses the system that the founding fathers set up and goes through those channels.  I want a President that doesn't abuse Executive Order.  I want a President that is working for the best interests of the country but ALSO for the common interests of the country, as well.

I want a President that brings the political parties together.  I want a President that unites our country and helps to work toward a common goal instead of shaming and accusing.  I want a President that empowers our people and helps everyone to stand on their own two feet.  I want a President that fights for our best interests.

I want a President that realizes the sacrifices that our military makes.  I want a President that uses our military to build our nation and not for personal vendettas.  I want a President that doesn't shame our nation in the presence of other countries.  I want a President that builds bridges but also lets other nations know that we are not just going to roll over and give up our freedoms.

I want a President that believes in our rights.  I want a President that holds our freedoms very close to his/her heart.  I want a President that knows that sometimes natural consequence is better than government involvement.  I want a President that understands that the government SHOULDN'T be in every single part of our lives and that sometimes it's best to allow them our local governments to set the standards for our states.

Most of all, though, I want a President that represents our country with the dignity and respect for our great nation that all of us feel.  I want a President that puts a stop to the nonsense happening here and stands up and says, "no" when we are bullied.  I want a President that doesn't bully or mouth off in response to provocation.  I want a President that wants the best for our country.

They Aren't Bad

So I keep being asked what I think about these police shootings.  Instead of focusing on my opinions on the topics, I'd like to touch on a related one instead.  Prepare yourself because some of you may not like this....

I don't believe the police are bad.  I'm sorry, I don't.  I don't believe that they are hunting anyone.  In fact, I believe just the opposite.  I believe that the vast majority of police officers are amazing souls that just want to do their job, protect people and do good for their community.  Are there bad cops?  Sure.  Just like there are bad bakers, janitors, businessmen, babysitters, and more.  I believe that 99% of police officers, though, are just doing their jobs.

I do believe there are some unjustified shootings but I believe that the vast majority are justified.  Stats back up that there are more gang killings than police shootings daily, yet the media focuses solely on what draws in ratings and stirs the pot. Should the officers that shoot people willy nilly (people of ANY color) be punished?  Yes!  However, if you are not going to comply with police, you are putting their safety at risk too and they have a right to protect themselves and those around them.  You may not have anything in your pocket but if you won't take your hands out, they are trained to assume there's a reason.  You may not have anything in your car beside you but if you're leaning over with your hands out of sight, they have reason to assume that you might have something there.  I'm not saying it's okay for cops to just assume and shoot but you have to really look at their training before you assume they're just shooting for no reason.  

So what should you do if you are ANY color, religion, culture or creed and you are approached by a police officer?  Follow their instructions.  If they say "hands up," put them up.  Even if they don't, go ahead and put them up.  If you have a weapon on you (a concealed carry, etc), TELL THEM.  Don't reach for it.  Tell them that you have a weapon and THEY will come and take it to handle their business if needed.  Follow their instructions and your risk of being "taken out" is minimal...we're talking lower than your chances of being hit by a car crossing the street.

Instead of focusing on all of this hatred, let's work on changing what needs to be changed.  Let's educate citizens more on how to handle things.  Let's educate police officers in training exercises to be more prepared for some of these situations.  Let's get out there and TALK about how to change things...not because of skin color or religion or anything of the sort...let's talk about how to come together as a nation and do something great.

Advice the Denver Newbies

If there is one piece of advice I can give to newbies to Denver, it's sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen.  If there's a second piece I could give them, it would be lotion, lotion, lotion.  The dry air is wonderful for not suffering with the rampant humidity crisis that plagues the midwest and south but it can make your skin feel tight and as itchy as hell.  Seriously, stock up on lotion and don't just buy the cheap Suave crap.  Buy the good stuff and plan to use it at least twice a day.  Your skin will just absorb the stuff. Happy hiking!

Saturday snippet

It's funny how God/life absolutely throws you for a loop.  It never fails to change you from your inside out and when it changes, it changes all at once!  The best advice anyone can give is to live it one moment at a time.  Enjoy every single moment that you can.  Smile as often as you can.  Hug those you love...and then hug them some more.  Cry when you need to.  Scream if it's something you need, as well.  But always stay true to who you are at your core.

Before You Judge, Talk...Learn

I keep seeing these posts basically calling people that say "all lives matter" jackasses and bigots.  Not all "All Lives Matter" people are jackasses and not all "Black Lives Matter" people are jackasses.  There are bad in both parties, just like everything else.  But today's post isn't about that....it's about racism.

Racism exists in this country and all over the world.  I truly believe this.  However, I don't believe that it exists only within certain color boundaries.  There are definitely white racists who hate blacks but there are also plenty of black racists that hate whites.  There are those that hate Hispanics, Asians, Middle Easterners, African Americans, Caucasians, Native Americans and everything in between.  You see, racism exists in all corners, hiding there like an elephant in the room we're not allowed to discuss.

For those of us that see beyond the color of other's skin, we can't comprehend why there is a need to specify which race matters.  You see, to us, every life matters regardless of color.  We don't judge others based on their skin color, cultural background, or anything else similar to it.  We value learning other people's experiences in life and we believe that variety is what makes this world so interesting.  We can't fathom why anyone would feel differently because we don't hold that hatred in our hearts.

It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?  It sounds like an excuse...it sounds that way because you've developed a mistrust....the same mistrust that leads others to fear movements that specify whose lives matter and whose don't.  Life's scary enough without everyone hating each other.

Before you judge EITHER movement, or rather before you judge the individual supporters, look at each one personally.  Don't be the jackass that generalizes and says, "Well if you support it, then..." because you don't know their motivation.  You don't know their heart.  Talk to them. Learn what their fears are, what their strengths are, what they love, what they're passionate about and how THEY want to change the world for the better.  The only way to fix what's wrong in this nation and this world is to work together for a greater cause.  Be the change you want to see.

Truly Finding a Solution

Okay I'd like to take a moment today to just be frank.  I don't have to agree or disagree with the Black Lives Matter movement (Of course, Black Lives Matter like every other life matters.)  I don't have to agree or disagree with the people that protest the police (Of course there are bad cops but I believe there are few and far between.)  Are there police shootings that happen that are unwarranted?  I'm sure there are.  Are there police shootings that have very valid explanations as to why the "victims" were shot?  I'm very sure there are.

Here's the thing....

I don't care which side of the argument you're on.  You will resolve NOTHING with hatred.  You will resolve nothing calling the people on the other side of the argument God-awful names.  You will resolve nothing rioting.  You will resolve nothing hurting others.  Nothing.  All you will succeed in doing is making NO difference at all.  You'll succeed in looking like a thug, an asshole, and (in some cases) a completely contradictory dumbass.

Violence is not the answer.

Do I believe hugging it out will help?  Maybe not.  What I do believe is that BOTH sides of these arguments are capable of having civil discussions.  I believe that BOTH sides of these arguments could contribute to a compromise that would work TOWARD the goal of really changing things.  I believe that BOTH sides of these arguments can move mountains in their camps simply by being a good example to others.  It's not about media coverage.  It's not about debates in public forums.  It's not about whether a celebrity or an athlete or a politician agrees or disagrees with you.  It's about truly trying to be the change you want to see.

Just Be There

Sometimes you just need to be there.  It's not about whether what someone did is right or wrong.  It's not about whether or not they brought it on by themselves.  It's not even about if you know them closely. It's about being the rock in someone's life when they need it.  It's about being there to hug them when they feel like their world is crashing in.  It's about being there to listen to their words and tell them everything is going to be okay.  It's about treating others the way you wish someone would treat you.   If you have a moment today, an opportunity to make someone's world feel a little less closed in, please do it.  You might be the game changer.

Teenagers Having a Moment

I'm not an advocate of disrespectful behavior from children...ever.  However, sometimes I truly have to look at their day.  This is just a quick note to remind you to breathe.  It's to remind you that, sometimes, they have had a rough day and you just have to smile and be there.  It's to remind you that kids and teenagers are little people and that they have days that wear them out just as much as you do (maybe more sometimes).  It's to remind you that the attitude they're shooting out at you is probably just complete exhaustion.  It's to remind you that they're not always "out to get you." It's to remind you that they love you and they trust you enough to show their worst moments.  Love them back.  Love them through the rough moments.  It's not always about respect; sometimes it's about pure unconditional love.

They're Not Baby Gap Models....They're Kids!

Seriously stop with the judgments already on people who let their kids dress themselves.  In a world of Baby Gap models and celebrities buying outfits that cost hundreds of dollars, new moms seem to be assuming that they all need to dress their tiny tots a certain way.  You don't.

As they get older and have their own opinions, parents still struggle to dress them perfectly.  They put toddlers in uncomfortable boots to go play at the playground just so the other moms will see how cute and coordinated their outfit is.  Meanwhile their toddler is dealing with painful shoes and inflexible boots holding their ankles in awkward positions making it hard to climb and run around. Moms put their little ones in dresses and tutus for gymnastics but forget that it's hard to do most climbing with those things on them.  They are so worried about trying to make sure that the public sees them looking like a tiny catalog model that they forget that their child isn't a doll...it's a human being that has a comfort level.

Ironically, the shame seems to be getting placed on moms that let their kids wear sweats. (Though people still feel like they need to purchase Under Armour or Nike sweats as if someone will judge them if their child's sweatpants come from Target). Why?  Because the kids aren't dressed to the nines.  Well, guess what....they're comfortable.  They're happy.  They can move freely.  They aren't stumbling around in uncomfortable shoes just to look like a model.  They're able to get dirty. It's a good thing.

Shame is also placed on moms that are letting their kids dress themselves.  If they're mismatched in pattern, they're gawked at.  If they're walking around in rain boots and a dress, they're gawked at.  If they're wearing a scarf and hat with their swimsuit, they're gawked at.  Why?  No really...why?  They're happy.  They're confident.  They're safe and they're being allowed to express themselves in a a safe environment.  Let them be little.  Let them develop their own personality.  Let them use their voice (so to speak).  Stop judging these children and stop judging their parents for allowing them to be who they are instead of some play-dough cut out of what you think they should be.

Nature and Gawking

I'm ill of the same people that absolutely can not believe in God and ONLY believe in science getting pissed that things in nature apply to humans, many times, as well.  One particular topic of irritation is women getting mad about men ogling them.  Ladies, you can be mad and it'll still happen.  You can call it sexist and it'll still happen.  You can dress any way you want and they're still going to look.  Why?  Because it's NATURE!  Since the dawn of time, men have been attracted to women.  They have looked because men are physical creatures.  Every psychological study done by any credible shrink will tell you that men are attracted to physical beauty.  This happens in almost every single species from beetles to frogs to lions to apes. Males are attracted to females all over the Animal Kingdom.  So, please, ladies, don't talk to me about science, evolution and biology and then turn around and get pissed when biology proves itself true.

(Side note:  Just because men are attracted to women because of biology does not okay the actions they take because of their own free will.  I'm NOT condoning rape of any kind or any other heinous disgusting crime because of someone's choices.  It's disgusting.  It's not nature.)

Things You Shouldn't Say to a Pregnant Woman

When a friend that is 16 weeks pregnant with twins was, recently, told that "she looked huge," I began to compile this list of things that you should and shouldn't say to a pregnant woman.

Things you shouldn't say:
"Wow you look huge"
"You're so big already"
"Are you pregnant with twins?" (Seriously even women that ARE pregnant with twins don't like this)
"Seriously, you look like you're in your third trimester."
"You look like you're about to pop."
Note:  It's also unacceptable to just reach out and grab bellies.  It's never okay....never.

Things you can say instead:
"Wow, you have such a beautiful glow."
"What a blessing."
"You look amazing."
"You're so tiny."
"You're going to be such an incredible mama."

Bear in mind that pregnant women have less tolerance for your bullshit so seriously, stop the rudeness.

Review of Maxwell Falls

We went on a hike, recently, to Maxwell Falls in Evergreen, CO.  It was a destination we'd not yet gotten into but it was definitely an experience.  The following is my review....

Parking:  It's not very plentiful so if you're planning to go, go early.

Location:  It's quite easy to find with Google Maps and my phone did just fine with GPS signal the whole route.

Restrooms:  Zero...zilch....go potty before coming

ON the hike:  Bring lots of water.  It's a pretty shady route so sunscreen as usual but don't worry too much about added sun exposure.  It's a pretty steep haul on the way up but the way back down is pretty easy.  It's just over 4 miles round trip.

But seriously.... Watch out for poo.  No, not from random wild animals but from inconsiderate people that leave it on the trail while walking their dogs.

Overall, it's a beautiful hike and not too rough or time consuming.  The falls are pretty, though I think they'd be even more glorious in the spring when the water level is higher from the snowpack melting.

ER visits with a Sensory Child

There I was putting away groceries when my day took a sudden turn..... my son who deals with the challenges of SPD (sensory processing disorder) had an uncontrollable bloody nose.  No matter how much we treated it (as the many he'd suffered from before), we couldn't get it to stop.  I threw him in the car and took him to the ER.  As a parent, it's something you never become okay with; ER visits suck.   With that said, I had a great experience for what it was.  Here are some things that can help ease an ER visit with your child that is affected by sensory issues.

1.  Let the ER staff know right away that your child has sensory issues.  I don't like my child being labeled but in some situations, you need to make it a priority to protect their interests.  In an ER setting, it means letting the staff know to take some extra precautions.  Well-trained staff are going to make it a priority to talk your child through every little piece of what's happening.  They will know how to communicate and how to work with your child. Give them that benefit to know that they need to take those extra steps.

2.  Speak up.  If your child is starting to overload, say something.  If it's not essential to have something immediately done, have the doctor give them a minute to calm down.  Try to find alternatives to strong smells, tastes and overstimulation.  Many times, there are other ways but no one will contemplate them unless you speak up.

3. Stay calm.  Yes it's hard and there are times you might need to close your eyes and take a deep breath yourself.  However, you need to stay calm so they can stay calm.  You need to take that deep breath so they see you taking deep breaths and calming yourself.  Talk them through it.  Be there.

ER visits are scary regardless but if you advocate for your child, it will become something you will both come through stronger.

20 somethings and Teens

So I got a bit of flack yesterday from people who, apparently , didn't read the full post.  Somehow, a few people misconstrued it to mean that I was okaying fifteen year olds dating twenty five year olds.  Yeah....not even okay with that.

So here are my feelings on that topic, as there seems to be some confusion:

If you are 22 years of age or older and you choose to start a relationship with a man a decade (or even close to a decade) older than you, fine.  Honestly, I don't think the majority of these relationships work well until the younger party is, AT LEAST, in their 30s but there are exceptions.  I am a firm believer that you are legally an adult at 18 but due to the fact that your brain isn't fully developed until your 20s, you are in a different mindset than most older people.  Your chances of success aren't actually much different than any other relationship when you're 30+.

Now, with all of that said, you are absolutely not going to get me to understand, agree or think it's okay for ANYONE in their 20s to date a child under the age of 18.  Period.  If you are 21, 22, 23 (you can keep going if you like) and you are seeking a relationship with a 15 or 16 year old, there is something wrong with you.  Period.  It's unhealthy for you and it's illegal and inappropriate, not to mention unhealthy, for the teenager.  Please spare me the "age is just a number" thing.  Age IS just a number....and if you're 20 something seeking a relationship with a child, it's a number that says you're a pervert.  Seriously, just stop.

I will not support any relationship of this kind.  I won't condone "hooking up" and I certainly won't support anything of the sort.  So please don't take my words to mean that I'm "for" something that I consider to be completely inappropriate and disgusting.  Mm kay?

You Don't Know What Love Is

I hear people say all of the time (and am guilty myself of saying ) "You don't know what love is."  We say it to teenagers constantly.  They say, "I love you" to their boyfriends/girlfriends and we say, "You have NO idea what love even is." While I was discussing this the other day, though, I came to a different conclusion and I'd like to share a different perspective.

First of all, let me share that the conversation didn't take place with a bleeding heart teenage girl that claims to be desperately in love with her twenty five year old boyfriend.  It was a conversation with an autistic child.  The child was discussing the fact that they are always told that they don't understand feelings because they have a hard time reading social cues.  He was telling me that he DOES understand feelings; he's still a person, but everyone assumes that he has no idea what emotion people are struggling with.  He said that because he can't put those feelings into words, sometimes, schoolmates assume that he doesn't feel anything or, at the very least, doesn't feel things the way that they feel them.  It was a heartwrenching but very, very real conversation.  It affected me in so many ways but one of them was this very post.

I watch the teenage girls around me talk about how they are in love.  I'm guilty of saying that they have no clue because they don't love how I love (or how adults, in general love) but that's not true.  Teenagers DO know what love is. Love doesn't have some defined box that it fits into.  Just because it's not the exact same experience that I feel or that my friends feel or that my grandfather and grandmother feel, it doesn't mean they don't know what love is.  What I've started to say, instead, is this: "You have no idea how much your love grows as you get older."  More often, though, I just say, "I'm so glad that you've found happiness."  The reality is that their relationship may not last because their maturity level isn't there yet.  Then again, that's true with some adults too.  To say that they don't understand love or that they don't know what love is, though, just isn't accurate.  It's just a different love.

Love can be between a man and a woman or people of the same sex.

Love can be between a biological parent and their child, an adopted parent and their child, a foster parent and their child.

Love can be between a married couple or an unmarried couple.

Love can be a biological grandparent or it can be a surrogate grandparent.

Love can be so many amazing things.  It doesn't have to look the same in every person.  In fact, it is SUPPOSED to look different because we're different people.  Will the way we express and, even, feel love change as we get older?  Of course.  Everyone evolves over time.  However, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist just because it's different than what we experience.

Basket of Deplorables

So Hillary Clinton made a speech calling half of Donald Trump's supporters a "basket of deplorables."  She walked it back a bit recently and said that she was "grossly generalistic" in saying half but doesn't take back the title. Here's where it gets confusing to some people....

I completely disagree with ANY candidate that calls a mass of the populace a name such as "deplorable."  Deplorable is defined as "deserving strong condemnation" or "shockingly bad in quality."  I think it is absolutely inappropriate, uncalled for and, frankly, I view it as bad for her campaign.  Then again, nothing she seems to do phases the media (just as nothing Trump does or says seems to phase his supporters) or her supporters.  I'm glad that she apologized for the "gross generalization" but I'm not fond of the fact that this ever came out of her mouth in a speech.  Speeches are, generally, pretty much written out and planned and that seems like something she planned out saying.  How that would be considered okay under any circumstance is beyond me.  However, I'm glad she apologized.

Here's the thing.... the people she named off in the sentence after ARE deplorable.  Racists, xenophobes and such are deplorable.  They DO need strong condemnation.  However, the definition of these terms under the Clinton campaign seem fluid.  If you disagree with Obama, you're a racist.  If you disagree with a homosexual person's opinion, you're a homophobe (if if you support their freedom to live their lifestyle).  If you want screening for immigrants, you're a xenophobe.  It's as if the real definitions of these things are considered flexible...and they're really not.  Real racists are deplorable.  Real homophobes and xenophobes are deplorable.  People that simple have a different opinion are not.

Mrs Clinton, I'm sorry that you view people that support the other candidate as "deserving strong condemnation."  What I view as deplorable is the events of Benghazi.  What I view as deplorable is the attitude that you are above the law.  That is deplorable.  That is "shockingly bad in quality."  Please be more careful with your use of words in the future when you're referring to a whole lot of decent people

(Disclaimer: I would say the same thing, and have, when Trump uses hate speech.)

9-11....15 years later

15 years after 9-11 happened and I can still remember the sounds, smells and sights of what was going on when I was watching the footage.  I remember every word that was spoken like it was yesterday.  I remember the fear for our nation.  I remember the fear for my family, not knowing what was happening. I remember the awe I felt watching what was happening.  I remember the pure grief I felt watching the events unfold.  I remember it from the perspective of someone hundreds of miles away.

But what about those that lost someone that day?

Their memories are so much different.  They can remember the sights, sounds and smells of what they were feeling watching the footage but they are also remembering the feelings of losing that loved one.  They were feeling fear more enormous than what I could imagine because they knew that their loved ones were right there.  They were feeling what I was feeling and yet the heavy, heavy feelings that come with all that the loss of their loved one.  I grieve for these on this anniversary.  I grieve for their loss and the pain they still must feel every day but especially on anniversary.  They are in my prayers.

I also think about those that lost a first responder.  They knew that their selfless public servant was running toward the danger while everyone else was trying to flee.  They knew that the odds were stacked against them and yet, they were willing to give their lives for those that they were sworn to protect.  I think about the feelings those husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters felt as they watched the events unfold, knowing that their loved one might never come back from this horrible event.  They are in my prayers.

I think about those that were lost in the events themselves.  Some of them killed on impact.  Some killed in the collapse.  Some died jumping from the buildings.  Some lost on planes.  Some first responders killed.  So many lost.  So many lives that has so much ahead of them....gone forever. The stories of those that died coming to the rescue of others are incredible.  Some running back in to save coworkers.  Some standing there holding the door for others to flee quickly.  Some rushing the terrorists on a plane to make the plane miss its intended target.  So many lives that were lost in such terrible events.  They are in my prayers.

There are just so many that my heart goes out to today and I know that the pain and grief that I feel on this day is nothing compared to what they feel.  Some say that we shouldn't focus all of our attention on it but I feel that we should.  We should remember those feelings.  We should never forget what happened that day and those feelings we felt.  We should never forget how we united as a nation.  We should never forget what we're fighting for, still.

Never Forget.

The Arvada Harvest Days Parade

The Arvada Harvest Days parade was today and I have to say that it's a really neat experience.  There was a little bit of everything from marching bands to dance groups to businesses.  The theme, this year, was superhero but it was brought to a whole new level.  They didn't just bring in cartoon superheroes; they brought in the important heroes...the every day heroes.  Military, police, firefighters and much more were represented.  The real heroes.  Period.

I am proud to live in a place where there is so much respect for the people that fight for our freedoms and protect us.  I'm proud and thankful to be in a place where the amazing gifts that are given to us in the safety these men and women provide are represented in such a public forum.  In a current state of country where there are so many protesting and sitting for the anthem, it's wonderful to know that there are still so many that love this country and what it represents.

God Bless America.

Kids and Chores

Friday's topic?  Chores.  Chores can be done at every single age and every skill level.  Here's what I think:

Kids should have certain activities assigned to them that are just part of being a family.  It's a good idea to have them learn basic life skills.  Making their bed, picking up their toys and mess, and cleaning up their dishes are chores almost every kid can do.  Most can also learn to help load the dishwasher and vacuum the floor.

If you choose to give an allowance, it should be for chores that are above and beyond the basics.  Maybe it's mowing the lawn or cleaning the garage.  Maybe it's washing and folding all the laundry.  It could be anything.

No chore money if there are no chores done or if they're done half assed...because seriously what does that teach a child.

Thoughts?

Kids and Extra Curricular Activities

Thursday's topic is extra curricular activities.  This is a hot button topic with a whole lot of people because there are so many different perspectives.  On the very, very far side of the spectrum are the people that put their kids in a million activities and, on the other end, those that refuse any.  Both sides have valid arguments.  Those with children in constant activity will list reasons from "child care" to "wanting them to try a variety of things" to "keeping them out of trouble."  Those with children in no activities will list reason from "letting them be a kid" to "needing time to do things as a family."

Here's where I stand....

I think that there's a balance between too much and too little.  I do think that it's beneficial to get your SCHOOL AGED children into some extra curriculars.  Before school, it is completely optional and the children benefit just as much from playing at the park.  They don't need formal socialization at two years old....they can just play with other kids.  They learn to talk and share from normal everyday interactions just as much as starting them in extra curricular activity.  I don't think you should force your child into sports just because you think they need to try them.  I think they will let you know what they want to try as they develop interests.   I think that one activity per season is adequate and doesn't require so much muss and fuss.  I think over scheduling kids starts a lot of bad habits including inability to entertain themselves.

It's completely up to you as a parent.  Where do you stand?

Boys and Dolls

For the next few days, I'm going to be exploring some somewhat taboo topics and writing a few short blurbs on them.  Today's blurb is on boys and dolls.  I know what you're thinking...well I don't but it's few and far between to see someone that isn't on a polar end of this debate.  On the one side is the "I can't believe you'd let a boy play with dolls because its' a girl toy" people.  On the other side of the argument is the "Why in the world are you worrying?  It's just a toy" people.  Now this post is not to say that one side is right or that the other is.  I simply want to weigh in on my opinion.

My thoughts are that a toy is a toy is a toy.  Do I think that you are going to have some "judgement" passed on you if you choose to push dolls on boys?  Yes.  People are assholes.  With that said, if you worry constantly about other people's opinions, you'll never get through parenting or, at the very least, you will worry yourself silly.  I think that boys that play with dolls learn a mess of skills that they will need later in life and tend to learn to nurture, which is something the world needs.  I don't think that it will affect a boy negatively.  I think there are far worse things in the world.  No seriously think on it....far worse things in the world.

Where do you weigh in?

Happy Tuesday After Labor Day

It's the UNofficial start of fall.  Labor Day has happened and summer is considered, by many, to be over.  You're not supposed to wear white again for months.  You're supposed to put away the summer gear.  Pools are closed for the year.  There are so many unwritten rules to follow.

Here's what I think it means.....

I think it means that it's the Tuesday after the first Monday in September.

Yes, that's it.  Honestly, I don't think the "wearing white rule" matters much in this day and age.  I think that, depending on where you live and what the climate pattern is that year, the pool should decide for itself when to close.  Summer gear may not need to be put away just yet.  You might be a little bummed that you have to work after a long weekend (if you were lucky enough to have it all off).  That's about it.

If you exercise the rules of society set back many years ago, I applaud you.  It's great that you're so dedicated to your cause.  As for the rest of us, we will cheer from afar for the rules that you follow concerning wearing non-colors and such :)

Internet Safety

I seriously wobble the line, constantly, between being overprotective and being mellow, as a parent.  I'm more inclined to let my kid walk down the street to their friend's house or the library than I am to let my kid join Facebook.  Why?  Because I'd much rather deal with a predator I can see.  It's a tough job being a parent nowadays and education is half the battle. With that in mind, here are some little nuggets of information that might be helpful to parents of kids that are on social media.  Educate them and let them know these things BEFORE they start posting.

1.  If you distribute inappropriate photos, even of yourself, to someone else (when you're underage), it is distribution of child pornography.  Yup, it's that simple to be charged with a felony.

2.  If you ACCEPT inappropriate photos of your girlfriend/boyfriend or anyone else that is underage, you can be charged with possession of child pornography.  If you show it to others, you can keep on adding to that felony.

3.  Texting, messaging, facebooking, etc with threats and bullying to another child IS a crime.  Period.

4.  Deleting texts, etc does not remove them completely.  Police and such ARE able to find them.  In fact, they have devices that pull anything explicit from dirty words to dirty pictures from your device.  You are not going to outmaneuver the police by deleting things.

5.  If you are charged with a harsh enough felony as a child, it is NOT removed from your record as an adult.  I know everyone thinks it's scrubbed and sealed once you turn 18...such is not the case with certain felonies. 

Review the laws in your state and educate your child.  Educate them on what the laws are and how easy it is to brand your life forever.  If you have ANY concern about trust with them, do NOT let them have social media accounts.  If they have them, monitor monitor monitor.  Seriously, this is nothing to joke around about.  Internet safety is a huge deal.  Be safe, friends.

Love Alone Doesn't Resolve It

I read a post this morning about a thief that was stealing multiple times from close friends.  As the stories of stolen items began building, there were people saying that maybe public posts on this weren't the solution.  Their theory was that public scrutiny is not what the thief needed.  Instead, the thief needed support and love.  He needed help.

I get this all the time.  "Well isn't that the Christian thing to do?"  No.  No it's not.  Jesus didn't say, "I love you prostitute but keeping on hooking because I don't want to hurt your feelings."  Jesus said (and I'm paraphrasing here), "I love you EXACTLY the way you are but I love you too much to let you continue this behavior."  The Christian way IS to love people where they're at.  The Christian way is NOT to encourage them to continue their destructive behavior.  I'll say that again: The Christian way is NOT to encourage them to continue their destructive behavior.

Let me give you an example of how this works:

Your 2 year old throws a gigantic tantrum in the store and begins throwing around jars of jam in his reign of terror.  You don't love your child any less for throwing a tantrum.  In fact, you love him just the same.  What you don't love is his destructive behavior.  It is not a solution to let him continue to destroy things in order to "hit his rock bottom."  It's a solution to stop what he's doing, offer discipline and help him to find a solution on what to do again.  What's the discipline?  Well, maybe it's cleaning up his mess.  But yes, he will be dealing with looks from onlookers because his behavior was unfavorable.

Yes, friends should be there when their loved ones are acting a fool.  But they shouldn't be there to just say, "Oh well, that's Bob.  He just does that."  Instead, you should be enough of a friend to say, "Bob, that's unacceptable.  You're acting like a dick."  Bob may not like being called a dick but he'll know that his behavior is unacceptable.  Instead of enabling him, you're letting him know that you love him but you're not going to take his crap.  You don't help anyone including an addict by enabling them.  You can't love someone through their bad behavior/addiction (meaning you can't think that love, alone, will resolve it.)  Love them enough to say, "I love you but I'm not going to allow you to continue to be destructive."

So spare me the whole "love him through it."  Of course you should love them but that doesn't mean you can't call them out for what they're doing.  Whether it's private or public is a matter of opinion; though my preference is private.  If you don't like being called out, though, don't do the crimes that get you called out.

Life Has a Funny Way

Do you ever look at your life and wonder why things changed so much?  I think everyone does it once in awhile.  You wonder why people disappear out of your life.  You wonder why people come into your life out of the blue.  You wonder why people cause havoc in your life or why some of them are so beneficial.  You wonder why you lost a lover or why you've given a million chance to a relationship you just weren't sure of in the end.  

It's a strange, strange oddity of this life.

The reality is that (I believe) everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes it's a good reason right off the bat.  Sometimes it's a real shit storm in the beginning and it turns into something beautiful.  You see, life has a funny way of coming around full circle.  That's not to say that bad things don't happen to good people.  They do.  That's not to say that good things don't happen to bad people.  They do.  In the end, though, life will find a way to bring something positive out of the negatives.  Life will give the jerky people their Godsmack.  Life will not be put into a box.  It's beautiful.

If you're feeling discouraged, just know that there is something amazing right around the corner.

Short and Simple

This is gonna be a short and sweet post for a Friday.....

Be kind.

Be compassionate.

Be thoughtful.

Be generous.

Be the change you want to see.

Pick Your Battles

"Pick your battles."  How many times do we hear it as parents?  How many times do we say it as parents?  It's our mantra.  It's how we get through the craziness of parenting a toddler or a teenager.  Pick your battles.  The problem is that a whole lot of parents aren't picking the right battles to fight.  They're going into battles that they should be facing in full armor with a wiffle bat.

So what battles are worth fighting?  Here's an easy way to determine it....

*If it affects your child's long-term future negatively, it's a battle worth fighting.

*If it affects your child's health in a severely negative way, it's a battle worth fighting.

*If it's a "lesson" that will put your child or someone else in danger, it's a battle worth fighting.

*If it involves a matter of learning or practicing respect for others or for themselves, it's a battle worth fighting.

You get the idea.

What kind of battles aren't worth it?  Here's a short list....

*Whether or not your child eats every single thing, every single time.

*Whether or not your child feels the need to dip every single thing he eats in ketchup

*Whether or not your child works on their homework at 3:10 or 3:30 (example).

*If your children are having a petty argument over silly stuff.

*Whether your son wants to wear gym shorts everywhere, all the time.

*What your child wears, in general (assuming they are weather appropriate and clean)

Again, you get the idea.

Instead of spending your time arguing over whether or not little Johnny eats every bite of his broccoli, maybe argue over him acting like a little punk to his teacher.  Instead of spending your time arguing if Susie wants to wear mismatched patterns, maybe argue more about Susie disrespecting her body for a boy.   Instead of "pick your battles," let's start focusing on "picking your battles WISELY."