Seriously stop with the judgments already on people who let their kids dress themselves. In a world of Baby Gap models and celebrities buying outfits that cost hundreds of dollars, new moms seem to be assuming that they all need to dress their tiny tots a certain way. You don't.
As they get older and have their own opinions, parents still struggle to dress them perfectly. They put toddlers in uncomfortable boots to go play at the playground just so the other moms will see how cute and coordinated their outfit is. Meanwhile their toddler is dealing with painful shoes and inflexible boots holding their ankles in awkward positions making it hard to climb and run around. Moms put their little ones in dresses and tutus for gymnastics but forget that it's hard to do most climbing with those things on them. They are so worried about trying to make sure that the public sees them looking like a tiny catalog model that they forget that their child isn't a doll...it's a human being that has a comfort level.
Ironically, the shame seems to be getting placed on moms that let their kids wear sweats. (Though people still feel like they need to purchase Under Armour or Nike sweats as if someone will judge them if their child's sweatpants come from Target). Why? Because the kids aren't dressed to the nines. Well, guess what....they're comfortable. They're happy. They can move freely. They aren't stumbling around in uncomfortable shoes just to look like a model. They're able to get dirty. It's a good thing.
Shame is also placed on moms that are letting their kids dress themselves. If they're mismatched in pattern, they're gawked at. If they're walking around in rain boots and a dress, they're gawked at. If they're wearing a scarf and hat with their swimsuit, they're gawked at. Why? No really...why? They're happy. They're confident. They're safe and they're being allowed to express themselves in a a safe environment. Let them be little. Let them develop their own personality. Let them use their voice (so to speak). Stop judging these children and stop judging their parents for allowing them to be who they are instead of some play-dough cut out of what you think they should be.
Showing posts with label #momlife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #momlife. Show all posts
Monday, September 19, 2016
Monday, September 5, 2016
Internet Safety
I seriously wobble the line, constantly, between being overprotective and being mellow, as a parent. I'm more inclined to let my kid walk down the street to their friend's house or the library than I am to let my kid join Facebook. Why? Because I'd much rather deal with a predator I can see. It's a tough job being a parent nowadays and education is half the battle. With that in mind, here are some little nuggets of information that might be helpful to parents of kids that are on social media. Educate them and let them know these things BEFORE they start posting.
1. If you distribute inappropriate photos, even of yourself, to someone else (when you're underage), it is distribution of child pornography. Yup, it's that simple to be charged with a felony.
2. If you ACCEPT inappropriate photos of your girlfriend/boyfriend or anyone else that is underage, you can be charged with possession of child pornography. If you show it to others, you can keep on adding to that felony.
3. Texting, messaging, facebooking, etc with threats and bullying to another child IS a crime. Period.
4. Deleting texts, etc does not remove them completely. Police and such ARE able to find them. In fact, they have devices that pull anything explicit from dirty words to dirty pictures from your device. You are not going to outmaneuver the police by deleting things.
5. If you are charged with a harsh enough felony as a child, it is NOT removed from your record as an adult. I know everyone thinks it's scrubbed and sealed once you turn 18...such is not the case with certain felonies.
Review the laws in your state and educate your child. Educate them on what the laws are and how easy it is to brand your life forever. If you have ANY concern about trust with them, do NOT let them have social media accounts. If they have them, monitor monitor monitor. Seriously, this is nothing to joke around about. Internet safety is a huge deal. Be safe, friends.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Pick Your Battles
"Pick your battles." How many times do we hear it as parents? How many times do we say it as parents? It's our mantra. It's how we get through the craziness of parenting a toddler or a teenager. Pick your battles. The problem is that a whole lot of parents aren't picking the right battles to fight. They're going into battles that they should be facing in full armor with a wiffle bat.
So what battles are worth fighting? Here's an easy way to determine it....
*If it affects your child's long-term future negatively, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it affects your child's health in a severely negative way, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it's a "lesson" that will put your child or someone else in danger, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it involves a matter of learning or practicing respect for others or for themselves, it's a battle worth fighting.
You get the idea.
What kind of battles aren't worth it? Here's a short list....
*Whether or not your child eats every single thing, every single time.
*Whether or not your child feels the need to dip every single thing he eats in ketchup
*Whether or not your child works on their homework at 3:10 or 3:30 (example).
*If your children are having a petty argument over silly stuff.
*Whether your son wants to wear gym shorts everywhere, all the time.
*What your child wears, in general (assuming they are weather appropriate and clean)
Again, you get the idea.
Instead of spending your time arguing over whether or not little Johnny eats every bite of his broccoli, maybe argue over him acting like a little punk to his teacher. Instead of spending your time arguing if Susie wants to wear mismatched patterns, maybe argue more about Susie disrespecting her body for a boy. Instead of "pick your battles," let's start focusing on "picking your battles WISELY."
So what battles are worth fighting? Here's an easy way to determine it....
*If it affects your child's long-term future negatively, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it affects your child's health in a severely negative way, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it's a "lesson" that will put your child or someone else in danger, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it involves a matter of learning or practicing respect for others or for themselves, it's a battle worth fighting.
You get the idea.
What kind of battles aren't worth it? Here's a short list....
*Whether or not your child eats every single thing, every single time.
*Whether or not your child feels the need to dip every single thing he eats in ketchup
*Whether or not your child works on their homework at 3:10 or 3:30 (example).
*If your children are having a petty argument over silly stuff.
*Whether your son wants to wear gym shorts everywhere, all the time.
*What your child wears, in general (assuming they are weather appropriate and clean)
Again, you get the idea.
Instead of spending your time arguing over whether or not little Johnny eats every bite of his broccoli, maybe argue over him acting like a little punk to his teacher. Instead of spending your time arguing if Susie wants to wear mismatched patterns, maybe argue more about Susie disrespecting her body for a boy. Instead of "pick your battles," let's start focusing on "picking your battles WISELY."
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Shorts and Hoodies
If you are the parent of a tween or teenage boy, you have probably had the great debate on shorts. You know the one: it's forty degrees outside and your son is wanting to walk around in shorts and a hoodie. Add in the fact that he is fighting like a sabertooth tiger to avoid having to wear a coat of ANY kind (including a light jacket) and strictly wants a hoodie and it's enough to drive you insane. My experience tells me there are 3 moms that deal with this problem....
You're-Doing-It-Because-I-Said-So Mom This is the mom that will get you to wear pants and/or a jacket at all costs. Whether she wrangles you down like a toddler with a tantrum and pins them on you or whether she guilts you into it, you're wearing those pants.
The Compromise Mom This is the mom that will negotiate with you. "Okay I understand it's gonna be 65 later so you can wear the shorts but can you please wear a jacket or, at the very least, a thicker hoodie?"
The Natural Consequence Mom This is the category I fall into. I've given up on fighting a battle that is stressful for everyone involved. If he's cold, he'll learn to wear something warmer. If he's not cold (and it's a possibility being that Colorado kids adapt to climate pretty well...then add in hormones and the fact that they're probably clowning around in the morning keeping the blood flow moving), then it's not worth fighting over anyway.
Whatever category you fall into, know that you're not alone. Most, if not all, tween and teenage boy parents deal with this argument. Keep your chin up.
You're-Doing-It-Because-I-Said-So Mom This is the mom that will get you to wear pants and/or a jacket at all costs. Whether she wrangles you down like a toddler with a tantrum and pins them on you or whether she guilts you into it, you're wearing those pants.
The Compromise Mom This is the mom that will negotiate with you. "Okay I understand it's gonna be 65 later so you can wear the shorts but can you please wear a jacket or, at the very least, a thicker hoodie?"
The Natural Consequence Mom This is the category I fall into. I've given up on fighting a battle that is stressful for everyone involved. If he's cold, he'll learn to wear something warmer. If he's not cold (and it's a possibility being that Colorado kids adapt to climate pretty well...then add in hormones and the fact that they're probably clowning around in the morning keeping the blood flow moving), then it's not worth fighting over anyway.
Whatever category you fall into, know that you're not alone. Most, if not all, tween and teenage boy parents deal with this argument. Keep your chin up.
Friday, August 26, 2016
"Humiliated" Over Sweat Pants
I read an article today about a pre-teen that was "humiliated" because she was asked to change out of the leggings she came to school in. She came into school in a tunic (that was too short in portions of it) and leggings. She was called into the office and given a pair of sweatpants (just gray sweatpants) and told to change clothes or leave school. Against school rules, she called her mom on her cell phone and her mother was furious. Supposedly this girl was "humiliated."
Now first, let's define "humiliate." Webster defines it "make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly"
Second, let's define the school's rules and their conduct. While they didn't specifically only say "leggings", they did speak of what was and wasn't covering private areas including the butt. They describe their conduct if it occurs (change clothes). This is specifically outlined in their handbook.
Third, let's talk about how it was handled by the school. They pulled her into the office. They offered her a piece of clothing that would serve the purpose for the rest of the day. They told her to wear it or leave school and told her that it was not acceptable to call her mom for a change of clothing. Why? Well, because what she did was against school code and it's not their policy to call parents. It's their policy to make an impression without further discipline (detention, etc) to avoid this happening in the future. In short, the sweatpants are a warning.
Let's review how the "victim" handled the situation. Going against school dress code, she wore leggings. She was pulled in and given a change of clothes. In her little tantrummy fit, she asked to have her mom bring clothes and was told no. Instead of respecting the office, she snuck and AGAIN broke the school's rules to call her mom on her cell phone. Mommy comes to fight her battle.
Now let's clear up a little confusion as people forget to read before they just jump all over the school. 1-This was against dress code, even if it wasn't directly specified. 2- It's against the school's code to use her cell phone in school. 3-They did not try to prohibit her from calling her mom for a reason. They simply explained the policy. 4-They did not offer her raggedy, worn down clothes. They offered her gray sweatpants.
Now, my opinion:
My opinion is that she was acting like a spoiled little turd because she didn't like what the school told her to do. She thought that the rules should be bent to fit her situation. She doesn't like the dress code (and even I roll my eyes at them sometimes, honestly). Her mom may even think the dress code is dumb and okayed her wearing this. Then, she went against school rules to call her mom ON HER CELL. Why? Because she was pissed and wanted Mommy to come fight her battles. Her mom enabled her instead of trying to handle this in a civilized manner with the school which is likely where she learned the spoiled behavior to begin with. She was not "humiliated"...she was pissed and wanted attention. She still wants it. That's why she went to the news.
Seriously, at what point do you parents stop to think that the rules are there for a reason? You may not like them. You may think they're dumb or that you have a better solution. If that's the case, handle it RIGHT. Join the PTA, present a motion and try to change things. Go to the school board to try to change the dress code. Do not take it upon yourself to allow your child to break the rules and then expect the school not to react. Maybe if more parents SUPPORTED the school, we wouldn't have a generation of spoiled, entitled brats that think they're above the law coming into their own as we speak.
Look, I agree that the leggings rule may be dumb just like a yoga pants rule is dumb or a pj pant rule is dumb but a rule is a rule. I don't have to understand why it is the way it is...I just have to teach my children to obey it. You see, it's my job to teach my children to be productive adults who know how to follow laws. I know, strange concept. If children don't learn to follow the school's rules, they don't think they need to as adults. Teach children to question things in life but teach them to do it respectfully and change it in the right way, not by blatantly breaking rules and expecting no consequences.
Now first, let's define "humiliate." Webster defines it "make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly"
Second, let's define the school's rules and their conduct. While they didn't specifically only say "leggings", they did speak of what was and wasn't covering private areas including the butt. They describe their conduct if it occurs (change clothes). This is specifically outlined in their handbook.
Third, let's talk about how it was handled by the school. They pulled her into the office. They offered her a piece of clothing that would serve the purpose for the rest of the day. They told her to wear it or leave school and told her that it was not acceptable to call her mom for a change of clothing. Why? Well, because what she did was against school code and it's not their policy to call parents. It's their policy to make an impression without further discipline (detention, etc) to avoid this happening in the future. In short, the sweatpants are a warning.
Let's review how the "victim" handled the situation. Going against school dress code, she wore leggings. She was pulled in and given a change of clothes. In her little tantrummy fit, she asked to have her mom bring clothes and was told no. Instead of respecting the office, she snuck and AGAIN broke the school's rules to call her mom on her cell phone. Mommy comes to fight her battle.
Now let's clear up a little confusion as people forget to read before they just jump all over the school. 1-This was against dress code, even if it wasn't directly specified. 2- It's against the school's code to use her cell phone in school. 3-They did not try to prohibit her from calling her mom for a reason. They simply explained the policy. 4-They did not offer her raggedy, worn down clothes. They offered her gray sweatpants.
Now, my opinion:
My opinion is that she was acting like a spoiled little turd because she didn't like what the school told her to do. She thought that the rules should be bent to fit her situation. She doesn't like the dress code (and even I roll my eyes at them sometimes, honestly). Her mom may even think the dress code is dumb and okayed her wearing this. Then, she went against school rules to call her mom ON HER CELL. Why? Because she was pissed and wanted Mommy to come fight her battles. Her mom enabled her instead of trying to handle this in a civilized manner with the school which is likely where she learned the spoiled behavior to begin with. She was not "humiliated"...she was pissed and wanted attention. She still wants it. That's why she went to the news.
Seriously, at what point do you parents stop to think that the rules are there for a reason? You may not like them. You may think they're dumb or that you have a better solution. If that's the case, handle it RIGHT. Join the PTA, present a motion and try to change things. Go to the school board to try to change the dress code. Do not take it upon yourself to allow your child to break the rules and then expect the school not to react. Maybe if more parents SUPPORTED the school, we wouldn't have a generation of spoiled, entitled brats that think they're above the law coming into their own as we speak.
Look, I agree that the leggings rule may be dumb just like a yoga pants rule is dumb or a pj pant rule is dumb but a rule is a rule. I don't have to understand why it is the way it is...I just have to teach my children to obey it. You see, it's my job to teach my children to be productive adults who know how to follow laws. I know, strange concept. If children don't learn to follow the school's rules, they don't think they need to as adults. Teach children to question things in life but teach them to do it respectfully and change it in the right way, not by blatantly breaking rules and expecting no consequences.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
A Note to Young Sports' Parents
To every parent that has enrolled their child in an extra curricular activity:
This little memo is to give you some nuggets to think on before you start attacking and complaining about your coach. The rules exist for a reason. You may think that you're 2 year old is "ready" to be on a team with 3 and 4 year olds. You may think that your child is too advanced. You may push and bully your coach but a good organization will not back down.
Why?
Your child is not ready. This is particularly important with toddlers and preschoolers. In order to achieve a safe environment, children have to be at a certain developmental level to participate in their age group's team. Your child may be mature in a whole lot of ways but that doesn't make them ready to be in a whole different level of team work needed for the next age level. The rules were designed to protect your child, not to hinder them.
So what should you do?
Respect the system. Understand that it's in place in order to keep not only your child safe but other children safe as well. It's designed to make sure that your child achieves certain skills both physically and socially BEFORE they move on to the next level. It's designed to make sure that the coach has an appropriate amount of players with plenty of help, as needed. It's designed to make things cut and dry. Your 2 year old will do just fine if he's the best player, even if he's three or four months from turning 3. Your 3 year old will do just fine if she's in the beginner class, even if she's only having to work on perfecting her intermediate skills. It's better for your child to learn to work their way up than to get something for nothing.
Signed,
A Mom that Watches Coaches Get Stepped on Too Much
This little memo is to give you some nuggets to think on before you start attacking and complaining about your coach. The rules exist for a reason. You may think that you're 2 year old is "ready" to be on a team with 3 and 4 year olds. You may think that your child is too advanced. You may push and bully your coach but a good organization will not back down.
Why?
Your child is not ready. This is particularly important with toddlers and preschoolers. In order to achieve a safe environment, children have to be at a certain developmental level to participate in their age group's team. Your child may be mature in a whole lot of ways but that doesn't make them ready to be in a whole different level of team work needed for the next age level. The rules were designed to protect your child, not to hinder them.
So what should you do?
Respect the system. Understand that it's in place in order to keep not only your child safe but other children safe as well. It's designed to make sure that your child achieves certain skills both physically and socially BEFORE they move on to the next level. It's designed to make sure that the coach has an appropriate amount of players with plenty of help, as needed. It's designed to make things cut and dry. Your 2 year old will do just fine if he's the best player, even if he's three or four months from turning 3. Your 3 year old will do just fine if she's in the beginner class, even if she's only having to work on perfecting her intermediate skills. It's better for your child to learn to work their way up than to get something for nothing.
Signed,
A Mom that Watches Coaches Get Stepped on Too Much
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Lazy Parenting
At what point did lazy parenting become acceptable? No, I'm not referring to having a pj day. I'm not referring to wearing yoga pants to pick up your kids at school. I'm not referring to sleeping in on the weekends. I'm not referring to having a lazy DAY. I'm referring to having a lazy parenting life. Allow me to elaborate:
I'm curious when our society became okay with parents deciding that 11 years old was "grown." I'm curious when we officially gave up playing with our kids to sit them in front of the TV nonstop for the sake of convenience. When did we decide that we would rather just "have the school take care of it for us?" When did we decide that we needed three day weekends "off" once a month and two week vacations without the kids every year? When did we decide that we could half-ass this parenting thing?
I'm seriously curious, here.
It is not your job to parent your child when it is convenient for you. It is your job to parent your child ALWAYS. Does that mean you can't have a night out? Of course not. Does that mean you can't order pizza because you're too tired to cook? Of course not. There's just a vast difference between having a lazy moment or a lazy day and making it your daily regimen.
It is not the school's job to teach your child to be a civilized, polite, kind human being; it is yours. It is not the baseball coach's job to teach your child to take turns, be a friend or not to be a bully; it is yours. Those people are support people in your life. It may take a village but good kids start at home.
Maybe your child was unplanned and maybe they were planned for years before you conceived. Maybe you're a no-spanking parent and maybe you believe in spanking when needed. Maybe you're a breastfeeding mom and maybe you're not. There are a million issues that separate HOW we parent but there is one that should unite us....THAT we parent. You chose to have your child and having a child means making sacrifices for their well-being. It doesn't end when they hit double digits and they are not grown at 10 or 11 years old. Hell, they aren't even really "grown" when they're 18 but the country's laws say they are so you better make a real impact on who they are well before they hit legal age.
Look, I don't care about what methods you use to raise your child. Only you know what's best for them. What I DO care about is whether or not you're making the choice to leave the rest of us to do your job simply because you choose not to. We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do when we don't have constant access. If you're a lazy parent, it's not too late. Step up and start doing what's right. We are all here to help you out if you'll take the first step.
I'm curious when our society became okay with parents deciding that 11 years old was "grown." I'm curious when we officially gave up playing with our kids to sit them in front of the TV nonstop for the sake of convenience. When did we decide that we would rather just "have the school take care of it for us?" When did we decide that we needed three day weekends "off" once a month and two week vacations without the kids every year? When did we decide that we could half-ass this parenting thing?
I'm seriously curious, here.
It is not your job to parent your child when it is convenient for you. It is your job to parent your child ALWAYS. Does that mean you can't have a night out? Of course not. Does that mean you can't order pizza because you're too tired to cook? Of course not. There's just a vast difference between having a lazy moment or a lazy day and making it your daily regimen.
It is not the school's job to teach your child to be a civilized, polite, kind human being; it is yours. It is not the baseball coach's job to teach your child to take turns, be a friend or not to be a bully; it is yours. Those people are support people in your life. It may take a village but good kids start at home.
Maybe your child was unplanned and maybe they were planned for years before you conceived. Maybe you're a no-spanking parent and maybe you believe in spanking when needed. Maybe you're a breastfeeding mom and maybe you're not. There are a million issues that separate HOW we parent but there is one that should unite us....THAT we parent. You chose to have your child and having a child means making sacrifices for their well-being. It doesn't end when they hit double digits and they are not grown at 10 or 11 years old. Hell, they aren't even really "grown" when they're 18 but the country's laws say they are so you better make a real impact on who they are well before they hit legal age.
Look, I don't care about what methods you use to raise your child. Only you know what's best for them. What I DO care about is whether or not you're making the choice to leave the rest of us to do your job simply because you choose not to. We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do when we don't have constant access. If you're a lazy parent, it's not too late. Step up and start doing what's right. We are all here to help you out if you'll take the first step.
Dear Mom With the Baby in the NICU
Dear Mom With the Baby in the NICU,
First of all, I would like to send you a hug. If I was there, I would be giving you one in person. You are stronger than you realize, Mama. You have permission to be weak once in awhile. You have permission to cry if you need to. You are loved. You are prayed for.
Your baby is strong too. In fact, he is stronger than anyone can imagine on the inside. His will power stands strong even if his body needs a little help right now. He's a warrior and he doesn't even know it yet. Even right now his lungs and his stomach are learning how to be as strong as he is. Every beat of his heart is teaching his body that he will not be tamed. He is fierce. He is a fighter.
Though everything seems uncertain right now, believe. Believe in your heart that his body is healing every second. Your positivity will become the fuel to his fire...and he will be unstoppable.
I love you,
A Mom Watching From Afar
First of all, I would like to send you a hug. If I was there, I would be giving you one in person. You are stronger than you realize, Mama. You have permission to be weak once in awhile. You have permission to cry if you need to. You are loved. You are prayed for.
Your baby is strong too. In fact, he is stronger than anyone can imagine on the inside. His will power stands strong even if his body needs a little help right now. He's a warrior and he doesn't even know it yet. Even right now his lungs and his stomach are learning how to be as strong as he is. Every beat of his heart is teaching his body that he will not be tamed. He is fierce. He is a fighter.
Though everything seems uncertain right now, believe. Believe in your heart that his body is healing every second. Your positivity will become the fuel to his fire...and he will be unstoppable.
I love you,
A Mom Watching From Afar
Monday, August 22, 2016
5 Reasons You're Not Sleeping At Night
5. Your bladder. Let's face it, after having a baby play "stress ball" with your bladder for nine months, maybe multiple times, your bladder is just never the same....ever. Not to mention, with age, you end up having to go more often. Try as you may, you will probably not find a good balance between depriving yourself of essential fluids (water) and avoiding the potty break in the middle of the night. The secret to getting back to sleep easier is NOT to look at the clock, not turn on the TV and try to limit the lights you have to turn on.
4. Your Neighbors. In my case, my neighbors are loud as hell. It's ridiculous. Maybe they yell. Maybe they watch TV or listen to music loudly. Maybe they allow their kids to scream nonstop (in some cases, that can't be helped such as sensory issues, etc). Maybe their dog barks non stop. There's not really a great solution for this except maybe earplugs if your household allows.
3. Your Stress Level. If your stress level is high, you're more likely to suffer from insomnia like symptoms. Aside from the obvious (reduce your stress....which is always a funny suggestion to me. I mean who INTENTIONALLY has a lot of stress in their life?), there aren't a ton of solutions that work for every single person. Limit your screen time, try melatonin, don't eat too close to bedtime, and try something relaxing like yoga before you lay down. The best you can do is the best you can do.
2. Pet vomit/hairballs. You know that feeling...you hear your cat start hacking and you just know it's running straight to a rug to puke on. You get up to go to the bathroom and step right into a pile of dog puke. Yeah there's no preventing this. It's just gross....and it sucks.
1. Your kids. Maybe your kids sleep with you and you're waking up to a kick in the face. Maybe you're a new mom checking on your baby as he sleeps. Maybe you're dealing with the dreaded "vomit sound" coming from your kids instead. Hang in there. They grow up really quickly and pretty soon you'll be begging them to "Just get up" so they aren't late for school when they're teenagers.
4. Your Neighbors. In my case, my neighbors are loud as hell. It's ridiculous. Maybe they yell. Maybe they watch TV or listen to music loudly. Maybe they allow their kids to scream nonstop (in some cases, that can't be helped such as sensory issues, etc). Maybe their dog barks non stop. There's not really a great solution for this except maybe earplugs if your household allows.
3. Your Stress Level. If your stress level is high, you're more likely to suffer from insomnia like symptoms. Aside from the obvious (reduce your stress....which is always a funny suggestion to me. I mean who INTENTIONALLY has a lot of stress in their life?), there aren't a ton of solutions that work for every single person. Limit your screen time, try melatonin, don't eat too close to bedtime, and try something relaxing like yoga before you lay down. The best you can do is the best you can do.
2. Pet vomit/hairballs. You know that feeling...you hear your cat start hacking and you just know it's running straight to a rug to puke on. You get up to go to the bathroom and step right into a pile of dog puke. Yeah there's no preventing this. It's just gross....and it sucks.
1. Your kids. Maybe your kids sleep with you and you're waking up to a kick in the face. Maybe you're a new mom checking on your baby as he sleeps. Maybe you're dealing with the dreaded "vomit sound" coming from your kids instead. Hang in there. They grow up really quickly and pretty soon you'll be begging them to "Just get up" so they aren't late for school when they're teenagers.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Stop Complaining About These 3 Things in Elementary School
As the school year begins for a slew of elementary school students, let me be "that" parent. Let me be the parent that tells other parents to stop whining about how unfair their school is. Let me be the parent that tells other parents to appreciate that your school has rules the way that they do for a reason. Here are my top three for elementary school....
Allergy Limitations Seriously, just STOP complaining about this. My kids have no food allergies. Is it always convenient to avoid allergen foods in your kid's lunch? No. But guess what? Your kid may not like any sandwiches except PBJ but you can pack pasta or a bagel or some other option in that cute little sandwich box and it won't kill your kid. Pack a peanut butter sandwich and a child with severe allergy that is even in the same ROOM can go into anaphylactic shock. Seriously, deal with it. There are other options and sometimes you need to suck it up for the sake of another child. It takes a village, my friend.
4 boxes of tissue Okay, I get it. No, really, I do. I have four kids. I've been the mom that has to buy 30 boxes of tissue. It's perfectly acceptable to tell a teacher, "Hey, when you run out of tissue, PLEASE let me know and I'll bring you more then." Teachers don't always want to store it, either. That said, teachers aren't given much money to buy supplies. I'm sorry that you don't like supplying tissue for the classroom but you must remember that you send your little snotty-nose kid to school during cold and flu season when "they're not sick." Everyone does. They're at the end of that cold and they're healthy enough to go to school so you send them. Their nose is still running. Do you send them with their own tissue....how about hand sanitizer. Mm kay then. Suck it up.
Cutting around in the carpool lane Okay this is my pet peeve. It is perfectly acceptable to go up and knock on the window of a mom that decides she wants to take a phone call and just SIT for more than 4 minutes in the carpool lane. What is NOT acceptable is cutting around . Seriously, if 1-3 minutes is the difference between you getting to work on time or not, then you need to change YOUR schedule. You are putting other kids and parents at risk when you cut around traffic unnecessarily. So stop it. Either pull into a parking spot and let your kids out or deal with the extra couple of minutes in the carpool lane. Don't be that guy.
Instead of bitching about what's wrong with your kids' school, how about you praise the things that are right and know that the staff and volunteers are doing their best. Suck up your pride and know that they're kicking ass for YOUR kid too.
Allergy Limitations Seriously, just STOP complaining about this. My kids have no food allergies. Is it always convenient to avoid allergen foods in your kid's lunch? No. But guess what? Your kid may not like any sandwiches except PBJ but you can pack pasta or a bagel or some other option in that cute little sandwich box and it won't kill your kid. Pack a peanut butter sandwich and a child with severe allergy that is even in the same ROOM can go into anaphylactic shock. Seriously, deal with it. There are other options and sometimes you need to suck it up for the sake of another child. It takes a village, my friend.
4 boxes of tissue Okay, I get it. No, really, I do. I have four kids. I've been the mom that has to buy 30 boxes of tissue. It's perfectly acceptable to tell a teacher, "Hey, when you run out of tissue, PLEASE let me know and I'll bring you more then." Teachers don't always want to store it, either. That said, teachers aren't given much money to buy supplies. I'm sorry that you don't like supplying tissue for the classroom but you must remember that you send your little snotty-nose kid to school during cold and flu season when "they're not sick." Everyone does. They're at the end of that cold and they're healthy enough to go to school so you send them. Their nose is still running. Do you send them with their own tissue....how about hand sanitizer. Mm kay then. Suck it up.
Cutting around in the carpool lane Okay this is my pet peeve. It is perfectly acceptable to go up and knock on the window of a mom that decides she wants to take a phone call and just SIT for more than 4 minutes in the carpool lane. What is NOT acceptable is cutting around . Seriously, if 1-3 minutes is the difference between you getting to work on time or not, then you need to change YOUR schedule. You are putting other kids and parents at risk when you cut around traffic unnecessarily. So stop it. Either pull into a parking spot and let your kids out or deal with the extra couple of minutes in the carpool lane. Don't be that guy.
Instead of bitching about what's wrong with your kids' school, how about you praise the things that are right and know that the staff and volunteers are doing their best. Suck up your pride and know that they're kicking ass for YOUR kid too.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Love to Learn
I, often, have people ask me how I managed to get my kids to like homework. The short answer is that they don't. They do, however, like LEARNING. Just because they're little geeks like their mama doesn't mean that they don't still have "kid issues."
In answering the real question here, though (how did I get them to like learning), the answer is simple. I encouraged their curiosity from the time they could talk. I encouraged them to wonder. I encouraged them to ask questions. I encouraged them to answer their own questions by learning how to look up information. If they couldn't find the answer in an encyclopedia, maybe they could find it in a non-fiction book or online (from a reputable site). Maybe their answer required them to try an experiment. Every answer they got sparked a new question and the cycle began again.
But how do I do it with my own child?
Well, I'll use the Olympics as an example. Find an activity that your child might enjoy in the Olympics. Maybe it's gymnastics or swimming or diving but maybe it's archery or some other sport. Whichever one it is, get it ready on the TV and then get some supplies together: a map (or IPad/Tablet with a world map pulled up), some paper and writing supplies, and a printoff OR tablet/laptop with the current medal count pulled up. As the athlete's come up, help your child find the country on the map, check out how many medals they have and watch the magic happen. Your child's imagination and natural curiosity will start in. Why do they only have one medal but other countries have 7? Maybe it's the size of the country and the population. How long have they been competing, as opposed to other countries? In the small countries, how many sports do they compete in? The list of questions will go on and on. You'll have an opportunity to teach your kids all sorts of neat information just from sitting and watching the Olympics.
This is just one example, though! There are so many opportunities to let your kids learn. When they start doing this, their natural curiosity is sparked and they want to learn even more. I didn't teach my kids to love homework; I taught them to love to LEARN!
In answering the real question here, though (how did I get them to like learning), the answer is simple. I encouraged their curiosity from the time they could talk. I encouraged them to wonder. I encouraged them to ask questions. I encouraged them to answer their own questions by learning how to look up information. If they couldn't find the answer in an encyclopedia, maybe they could find it in a non-fiction book or online (from a reputable site). Maybe their answer required them to try an experiment. Every answer they got sparked a new question and the cycle began again.
But how do I do it with my own child?
Well, I'll use the Olympics as an example. Find an activity that your child might enjoy in the Olympics. Maybe it's gymnastics or swimming or diving but maybe it's archery or some other sport. Whichever one it is, get it ready on the TV and then get some supplies together: a map (or IPad/Tablet with a world map pulled up), some paper and writing supplies, and a printoff OR tablet/laptop with the current medal count pulled up. As the athlete's come up, help your child find the country on the map, check out how many medals they have and watch the magic happen. Your child's imagination and natural curiosity will start in. Why do they only have one medal but other countries have 7? Maybe it's the size of the country and the population. How long have they been competing, as opposed to other countries? In the small countries, how many sports do they compete in? The list of questions will go on and on. You'll have an opportunity to teach your kids all sorts of neat information just from sitting and watching the Olympics.
This is just one example, though! There are so many opportunities to let your kids learn. When they start doing this, their natural curiosity is sparked and they want to learn even more. I didn't teach my kids to love homework; I taught them to love to LEARN!
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Food for Thought: Let Kids be Kids
Tuesday Food for Thought: I am a big promoter of letting kids be kids for as long as they can. I mean, the world is a messed up place and the longer they get to just run and play, the better. With that said, what I am NOT a promoter of is the extreme ends of this; balance is key.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
Monday, August 8, 2016
5 Ways to Help Kids Stay Safe When They Go Back to School
The world is a crazy place nowadays and it's hard to know what to do with your kids. The fine line of balance between being overprotective and cautious is teetered daily. You want to make sure that you're allowing them to be kids but also want to make sure that they are safe from the nut bars that walk our streets on the regular. Back to school does not help. Here are 5 tips for attempting to keep your kids safe as the school year begins....
1. Phone Vigilance. This doesn't apply to everyone but here's the deal: Your kids playing Pokemon Go while they're walking to school are not paying attention. They aren't looking for cars coming at them but they're also not keep an eye out for the people around them. Yes, it's unlikely that they could get abducted in the twenty feet from your car at drop off to the playground but child predators are crafty and you don't want them to not be paying attention. Period. Teach them to keep the phones in their backpacks (on silent or off) from the minute they get to school. No game is more important than their safety and well-being. This also goes for checking your children's phones for chats and inappropriate pictures. Sext blackmail is a very real thing that predators use.
2. Be On Your Toes and Travel in Groups (when possible): I don't care if you live in the most ritzy neighborhood in the country, abductions are real. You may walk your kids to and from school and that's great but there are still field trips and other occasions where the kids are out and about. Make sure they are paying attention to their surroundings. Try to make sure that they're always traveling with others, as abductions are less likely when a child is with a group.
3. Talk to them about stranger danger. This sounds incredibly simple but it is lacking in a whole lot of families. Parents don't want to scare their kids. Parents want to keep their children in their safe little bubble. Unfortunately, though, it's a necessary evil to let your kids know that there are bad people in the world and they don't always look like they do in the movies. In fact, a whole lot of them look like very normal people. I like to recommend the video that was made by the creator of Baby Einstein and John Walsh. It's simple terminology but very clear. Teach your kids that strangers will say ANYTHING from lost puppies to you being hurt.
4. Establish a code word. Again, this may make you roll your eyes but can you guarantee that if your 5 year old would know what to do in a stranger situation, "Hey Katie. Mommy was in a terrible accident. Your dad asked me to come get you and take you to the hospital."...Guess what; research shows that a whole lot of "Katie's" are going to get in the car. Predators know how to play on the kids' emotions. Establish a word that ONLY you, your safe person (in case you're hurt or otherwise unavailable) and your kids know. Make sure they know not to tell ANYONE and to NEVER go with ANYONE unless they can tell you that word.
5. Don't put their names on things. I can't stress this enough. STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS' NAMES ON BACKPACKS AND CLOTHES. It's cute and "easy to identify" when they're all in a pile but it's also easy for child predators to say, "Hey Brandon, come here." Kids assume that adults that know their names know THEM. If you REALLY feel the need to put their name on their backpack for identification, put it on the area where the straps go. This makes certain that their name is not showing when they are out and about. Better yet, if you really need that outside "name", simply put their initials. It still allows easy identification but gives added protection from a predator being able to single them out.
It sucks that we have to worry about these things but we must be vigilant to attempt to protect our kids. Please share this info with your friends and make sure to practice it yourself to help in the fight to keep your little ones safe and sound.
1. Phone Vigilance. This doesn't apply to everyone but here's the deal: Your kids playing Pokemon Go while they're walking to school are not paying attention. They aren't looking for cars coming at them but they're also not keep an eye out for the people around them. Yes, it's unlikely that they could get abducted in the twenty feet from your car at drop off to the playground but child predators are crafty and you don't want them to not be paying attention. Period. Teach them to keep the phones in their backpacks (on silent or off) from the minute they get to school. No game is more important than their safety and well-being. This also goes for checking your children's phones for chats and inappropriate pictures. Sext blackmail is a very real thing that predators use.
2. Be On Your Toes and Travel in Groups (when possible): I don't care if you live in the most ritzy neighborhood in the country, abductions are real. You may walk your kids to and from school and that's great but there are still field trips and other occasions where the kids are out and about. Make sure they are paying attention to their surroundings. Try to make sure that they're always traveling with others, as abductions are less likely when a child is with a group.
3. Talk to them about stranger danger. This sounds incredibly simple but it is lacking in a whole lot of families. Parents don't want to scare their kids. Parents want to keep their children in their safe little bubble. Unfortunately, though, it's a necessary evil to let your kids know that there are bad people in the world and they don't always look like they do in the movies. In fact, a whole lot of them look like very normal people. I like to recommend the video that was made by the creator of Baby Einstein and John Walsh. It's simple terminology but very clear. Teach your kids that strangers will say ANYTHING from lost puppies to you being hurt.
4. Establish a code word. Again, this may make you roll your eyes but can you guarantee that if your 5 year old would know what to do in a stranger situation, "Hey Katie. Mommy was in a terrible accident. Your dad asked me to come get you and take you to the hospital."...Guess what; research shows that a whole lot of "Katie's" are going to get in the car. Predators know how to play on the kids' emotions. Establish a word that ONLY you, your safe person (in case you're hurt or otherwise unavailable) and your kids know. Make sure they know not to tell ANYONE and to NEVER go with ANYONE unless they can tell you that word.
5. Don't put their names on things. I can't stress this enough. STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS' NAMES ON BACKPACKS AND CLOTHES. It's cute and "easy to identify" when they're all in a pile but it's also easy for child predators to say, "Hey Brandon, come here." Kids assume that adults that know their names know THEM. If you REALLY feel the need to put their name on their backpack for identification, put it on the area where the straps go. This makes certain that their name is not showing when they are out and about. Better yet, if you really need that outside "name", simply put their initials. It still allows easy identification but gives added protection from a predator being able to single them out.
It sucks that we have to worry about these things but we must be vigilant to attempt to protect our kids. Please share this info with your friends and make sure to practice it yourself to help in the fight to keep your little ones safe and sound.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
School Supply Deals
School supply shopping for four kids can be a real hand full but I got it done on a relatively good budget. Here are some of the deals I stumbled across that might help you....
Amazon: I am not a fan of cheap backpacks that only last a year. I've paid my dues with the annually purchased character backpacks that have holes and broken straps by the third quarter of the year. I need something tough and durable. I've changed over to spending a bit more to buy a new one every few years (or as needed). This year, Amazon has had a great sale on a good number of backpacks. It is of note to say that if you're child is a picky fashionista, this may or may not be a good option. However, I was able to provide several different color options and purchase an Eastsport backpack for under $20 that had great reviews and could easily move through the elementary to middle school (or even high school) transition without looking "too babyish."
Staples: If you ARE buying a backpack in person, Staples has some great options AND you get 25% off of your school supplies if you buy your backpack there. The durable ones were around $40+ and their character backpacks were very reasonably priced. Here are some other deals
Wood Rulers $.25
Filler paper (Staples wide ruled and college ruled) $.75
Staples composition books $.50
Staples RULED index cards (of note because there is a better deal on unlined elsewhere) $.48
Wescott 12" acrylic ruler (if you must have a see-through one) $1
BIC Comfort grip pens 12 pack (black) $1
Staples brand 4 oz glue $.50
2 pocket folder with fasteners $.17
It's of note that Staples will not only price match but give you 110% price match.
Office Max/Office Depot: I love these guys because of their penny items. My particular penny items included unlined note cards and 2 pocket folders. These items are only a penny with a $5 purchase AND they are limited quantities (usually 10). Other deals worth mentioning.....
This week only: Pink eraser 3 pack $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Composition books $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Elmer's 4 oz school glue $.01 with $5.00 purchase
BIC 12 pack of stic pens $.25
Crayola brand markers 8 count $.25
Keep an eye on the ads because the penny items change weekly and it's a great way to tackle some of those more expensive items.
Walmart: It is of note that you can price match any major competitor at Walmart. You may tick off the person behind you in line (and possibly the cashier) but you can. My suggestion is to bring the ads with you (or have them ready on your phone but this is less convenient) and have the items circled for quick access....
One subject notebooks $.17
2 pack pink erasers $.48
24 pack of Cra Z Art crayons $.25
1 inch binders in various colors $.99
I did find dividers back in the office section for $.48 (5 pack) but they sell out fast and you might need to ask about them. Otherwise $.88 dividers
4 pack Kleenex facial tissue $3.48
I have the ability to jump between stores (as they are all close by). I have heard that Target has some great deals as well. Keep your eye on the paper as many have coupons on pens, etc and you can get your pens at an even greater discount. School supply shopping can be done on the cheap but it requires planning and careful execution (and often spreading it out over the course of several weeks to get the best deals).
Happy Hunting Denverites
Amazon: I am not a fan of cheap backpacks that only last a year. I've paid my dues with the annually purchased character backpacks that have holes and broken straps by the third quarter of the year. I need something tough and durable. I've changed over to spending a bit more to buy a new one every few years (or as needed). This year, Amazon has had a great sale on a good number of backpacks. It is of note to say that if you're child is a picky fashionista, this may or may not be a good option. However, I was able to provide several different color options and purchase an Eastsport backpack for under $20 that had great reviews and could easily move through the elementary to middle school (or even high school) transition without looking "too babyish."
Staples: If you ARE buying a backpack in person, Staples has some great options AND you get 25% off of your school supplies if you buy your backpack there. The durable ones were around $40+ and their character backpacks were very reasonably priced. Here are some other deals
Wood Rulers $.25
Filler paper (Staples wide ruled and college ruled) $.75
Staples composition books $.50
Staples RULED index cards (of note because there is a better deal on unlined elsewhere) $.48
Wescott 12" acrylic ruler (if you must have a see-through one) $1
BIC Comfort grip pens 12 pack (black) $1
Staples brand 4 oz glue $.50
2 pocket folder with fasteners $.17
It's of note that Staples will not only price match but give you 110% price match.
Office Max/Office Depot: I love these guys because of their penny items. My particular penny items included unlined note cards and 2 pocket folders. These items are only a penny with a $5 purchase AND they are limited quantities (usually 10). Other deals worth mentioning.....
This week only: Pink eraser 3 pack $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Composition books $.01 with $5.00 purchase
This week only: Elmer's 4 oz school glue $.01 with $5.00 purchase
BIC 12 pack of stic pens $.25
Crayola brand markers 8 count $.25
Keep an eye on the ads because the penny items change weekly and it's a great way to tackle some of those more expensive items.
Walmart: It is of note that you can price match any major competitor at Walmart. You may tick off the person behind you in line (and possibly the cashier) but you can. My suggestion is to bring the ads with you (or have them ready on your phone but this is less convenient) and have the items circled for quick access....
One subject notebooks $.17
2 pack pink erasers $.48
24 pack of Cra Z Art crayons $.25
1 inch binders in various colors $.99
I did find dividers back in the office section for $.48 (5 pack) but they sell out fast and you might need to ask about them. Otherwise $.88 dividers
4 pack Kleenex facial tissue $3.48
I have the ability to jump between stores (as they are all close by). I have heard that Target has some great deals as well. Keep your eye on the paper as many have coupons on pens, etc and you can get your pens at an even greater discount. School supply shopping can be done on the cheap but it requires planning and careful execution (and often spreading it out over the course of several weeks to get the best deals).
Happy Hunting Denverites
Friday, July 29, 2016
Teaching Kids About Fairness
"The only time you should look in someone else's bowl is to make sure they have enough."
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
A Small List of Things You Don't Have to Provide Your Children
As it seems that people are confused about what they "have" to provide to their children, I am going to provide you with a brief list of things you do NOT have to provide to your kids. I'd like to light the way on the path of truth and understanding on this topic that seems to be befuddling to some.
1. A car when they turn 16.
2. A down payment on their first home
3. A cell phone
4. A cell phone plan
5. An Ipad or comparable tablet
6. Designer shoes
7. Designer clothes
8. Unearned allowance (i.e. money they're given without chores being done)
9. Allowance of ANY kind
10. A TV in their bedroom
11. A TV in your car to entertain them while you drive
12. Your phone to watch when they're out and you need to entertain them
13. Your phone to watch at home
14. Happy Meals
15. Professionally done nails
16. An entire play room of toys
17. Every single day after school activities
18. Name brand cereal
19. Tickets to opening weekend of every single movie that comes out
20. ANYTHING when a tantrum is done to get it.
This is just a start but you get the idea. Your children are not entitled to these things. In fact, you are just encouraging the entitlement attitude when you give in to their every whim because you don't want to hear them cry. You are not REQUIRED to give them any of these things. Should you choose to do so, fine but please don't feel pressured.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Teach Your Children Manners
Today's post is going to be cut and dry. Teach your kids some manners. Don't rely on the schools; it's not their job. Don't rely on society; it's not their job. It's yours. Here are some of the most basic and overlooked manners in our society today.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
10 Ways to Get Your Kids' Attention
Parents everywhere throw their hands up when they think that they are finally going to get five minutes of peace, only to have it interrupted. Here are 10 surefire ways to get your kids' attention...
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
5 Things You Can Teach Your Child to Make Them a Better Person
There are 5 things I believe that you can teach your kids VERY young that will make all the difference in their social relationships as they grow. We have no real control over what our children "become" as an adult but we can definitely impact their hearts and help them to be better people as they grow.
1. Compassion: Some kids are more compassionate than others, by nature. However, even those that aren't compassionate at their core can be taught some level of compassion. Volunteer. Do things that teach children that the world is bigger than their little bubble. Teach them to try to help when they can. Teach them to care when someone else hurts.
2. Integrity. Teach your children that it doesn't matter who's watching...it matters what you know in your heart. Most of the time, kids know right from wrong, on some level. The fact is that they are often "taught" by peers to hide things from adults and do wrong anyway. Teach your children not only to do what's right at their core but to encourage others to do it too.
3. Honesty. Teach them that it's better to tell the truth than it is to lie. Encourage them to understand that even if honesty gets them into a little bit of trouble, they'd be in more trouble if they lie. Encourage them to understand that honesty breeds trust and trust is essential in almost every relationship you have.
4. Personal responsibility. This is a big one. Instead of placing blame, accept the responsibility for what you've done wrong. A good portion of our country's issues is lack of personal responsibility. People seem to be more inclined to place blame and make excuses than they are to admit they've made a mistake. Mistakes happen...you learn from them. But, as Dr Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."
5. Respect. This can span a wide road. Yes, it applies to manners. Yes it applies to listening to teachers, etc. But this also is about respecting themselves. It's about respect others, in general. It's about understanding that people will have different opinions. It's understanding that others may choose a different lifestyle than you do and that's okay. It's understanding that the choices people make aren't who they are (though that does not mean the choices are without consequence, in some cases). It's about respect for life, as a whole.
These 5 things don't guarantee that someone will become a good person. They don't guarantee that they'll make good choices or end up successful. What it does guarantee is that this, combined with love, will get your child started on a great track.
1. Compassion: Some kids are more compassionate than others, by nature. However, even those that aren't compassionate at their core can be taught some level of compassion. Volunteer. Do things that teach children that the world is bigger than their little bubble. Teach them to try to help when they can. Teach them to care when someone else hurts.
2. Integrity. Teach your children that it doesn't matter who's watching...it matters what you know in your heart. Most of the time, kids know right from wrong, on some level. The fact is that they are often "taught" by peers to hide things from adults and do wrong anyway. Teach your children not only to do what's right at their core but to encourage others to do it too.
3. Honesty. Teach them that it's better to tell the truth than it is to lie. Encourage them to understand that even if honesty gets them into a little bit of trouble, they'd be in more trouble if they lie. Encourage them to understand that honesty breeds trust and trust is essential in almost every relationship you have.
4. Personal responsibility. This is a big one. Instead of placing blame, accept the responsibility for what you've done wrong. A good portion of our country's issues is lack of personal responsibility. People seem to be more inclined to place blame and make excuses than they are to admit they've made a mistake. Mistakes happen...you learn from them. But, as Dr Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."
5. Respect. This can span a wide road. Yes, it applies to manners. Yes it applies to listening to teachers, etc. But this also is about respecting themselves. It's about respect others, in general. It's about understanding that people will have different opinions. It's understanding that others may choose a different lifestyle than you do and that's okay. It's understanding that the choices people make aren't who they are (though that does not mean the choices are without consequence, in some cases). It's about respect for life, as a whole.
These 5 things don't guarantee that someone will become a good person. They don't guarantee that they'll make good choices or end up successful. What it does guarantee is that this, combined with love, will get your child started on a great track.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
10 Ways to Be a Mean Mom
I sometimes get told by touchy feely moms that I'm a "mean mom" for being strict on my kids. I used to get really upset about it but I've learned to embrace it. One woman's "mean mom" is another woman's "keeping my sanity." Realistically the important part is that we have happy, healthy children, right? Not in our social media happy society. We must all agree...right? Not in my book.
So without further ado, my 10 ways to be a mean mom.
1. "Throw it away." My kids have each had the sting of the garbage bag to the bedroom. That's right. In my house, if you're warned to clean your room and choose not to, your belongings go to the thrift store. It's a hard lesson to learn but it's an effective one.
2. "Make them practice prioritizing." I am a firm believer that kids don't need a Toys R Us in their bedroom. When birthdays and Christmas start coming around, the kids and I go through their toys and other items and assess what they would be willing to donate. Then, when a holiday comes around, it's not so much clutter.
3. "Make them do chores....without pay." Yup, that's right. I'm the mean mom that has certain chores that I expect done without pay. Why? Because we work as a family and that means that everyone should contribute their very best.
4. "That may be what kids do but that's not what my kids do." My kids have heard this phrase more times than they care to say. They realize that their expectations are higher than the "let kids be kids" parents around them. Rules are rules. Period. I don't care what so-and-so's parents do.
5. "You don't have to like it but you have to accept it." Another frequently spoken phrase in our house. They used to debate it but, at this point, it's not even worth it to them anymore because they know what I'm going to say.
6. "Say no". While other parents are having "yes days" and not wanting to hurt their kids feelings, I understand that my job is to prepare them for the real world (while still nurturing them). The real world doesn't cater to their feelings all the time. Sometimes they need to hear the word "no."
7. "Make them eat their vegetables." I'm sorry but I just don't buy into cutting my kids' cucumbers into intricate little flowers to bribe them to eat it. I'm all for the "dip it in ranch" (or ketchup) if it helps you choke it down but the option is HOW to eat it, not whether to eat it. Yes, you are allowed to have a couple of veggies you don't like but you need to eat the vast majority.
8. "Demand respect." Now I use the term "demand" loosely. What I mean by this is that I find it perfectly acceptable to expect my children to respect their elders, their siblings, their friends, and their family. I expect for them to treat the janitor with the same level of respect as the CEO.
9. "Make them say please." I've been known to deny dessert, activities, and such to my kids if they start in with rude attitudes. I expect manners of all varieties including "yes ma'am" and "no sir" to adults. It's an important skill to learn in life.
and finally....
10. "Expect their best." Note that I didn't say to expect THE best but to expect THEIR best. You know your child and you know their abilities. Expect them to work at something with all of their effort and call them on it if they're slacking intentionally. You don't have to be a jerk but let them know that you know their potential. It may be an eye-roller on their part but they'll appreciate those votes of confidence as they age.
Look, if being a hardass is what works in my family, I'm okay with that. We have plenty of laughing, silly moments. We have a ton of "I'm so proud of you" moments and so many hugs and nurturing moments that I couldn't count them if I tried. That said, I'm also not afraid to balance that out with the discipline necessary (in my household) to make things run smoothly for everyone.....most of the time, anyway.
So without further ado, my 10 ways to be a mean mom.
1. "Throw it away." My kids have each had the sting of the garbage bag to the bedroom. That's right. In my house, if you're warned to clean your room and choose not to, your belongings go to the thrift store. It's a hard lesson to learn but it's an effective one.
2. "Make them practice prioritizing." I am a firm believer that kids don't need a Toys R Us in their bedroom. When birthdays and Christmas start coming around, the kids and I go through their toys and other items and assess what they would be willing to donate. Then, when a holiday comes around, it's not so much clutter.
3. "Make them do chores....without pay." Yup, that's right. I'm the mean mom that has certain chores that I expect done without pay. Why? Because we work as a family and that means that everyone should contribute their very best.
4. "That may be what kids do but that's not what my kids do." My kids have heard this phrase more times than they care to say. They realize that their expectations are higher than the "let kids be kids" parents around them. Rules are rules. Period. I don't care what so-and-so's parents do.
5. "You don't have to like it but you have to accept it." Another frequently spoken phrase in our house. They used to debate it but, at this point, it's not even worth it to them anymore because they know what I'm going to say.
6. "Say no". While other parents are having "yes days" and not wanting to hurt their kids feelings, I understand that my job is to prepare them for the real world (while still nurturing them). The real world doesn't cater to their feelings all the time. Sometimes they need to hear the word "no."
7. "Make them eat their vegetables." I'm sorry but I just don't buy into cutting my kids' cucumbers into intricate little flowers to bribe them to eat it. I'm all for the "dip it in ranch" (or ketchup) if it helps you choke it down but the option is HOW to eat it, not whether to eat it. Yes, you are allowed to have a couple of veggies you don't like but you need to eat the vast majority.
8. "Demand respect." Now I use the term "demand" loosely. What I mean by this is that I find it perfectly acceptable to expect my children to respect their elders, their siblings, their friends, and their family. I expect for them to treat the janitor with the same level of respect as the CEO.
9. "Make them say please." I've been known to deny dessert, activities, and such to my kids if they start in with rude attitudes. I expect manners of all varieties including "yes ma'am" and "no sir" to adults. It's an important skill to learn in life.
and finally....
10. "Expect their best." Note that I didn't say to expect THE best but to expect THEIR best. You know your child and you know their abilities. Expect them to work at something with all of their effort and call them on it if they're slacking intentionally. You don't have to be a jerk but let them know that you know their potential. It may be an eye-roller on their part but they'll appreciate those votes of confidence as they age.
Look, if being a hardass is what works in my family, I'm okay with that. We have plenty of laughing, silly moments. We have a ton of "I'm so proud of you" moments and so many hugs and nurturing moments that I couldn't count them if I tried. That said, I'm also not afraid to balance that out with the discipline necessary (in my household) to make things run smoothly for everyone.....most of the time, anyway.
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