Food for Thought: Let Kids be Kids

Tuesday Food for Thought:  I am a big promoter of letting kids be kids for as long as they can.  I mean, the world is a messed up place and the longer they get to just run and play, the better.  With that said, what I am NOT a promoter of is the extreme ends of this; balance is key.

On the one end is the helicopter parent.  I cannot promote this lifestyle.  No, I am not talking about vigilant parents.  No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves.  I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth.  No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor.  No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip?  No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them.  No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15.  I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world.  Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land.  Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid.  It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.

On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent.  I can't promote this either.  Children need to have boundaries.  How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him.  What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it."  When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums.  When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it."  No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes.  I can't and won't promote this behavior either.

Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility.  There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger.  There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness.  There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior.  There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day."  There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.

The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length."  Just Food for Thought.