A man recently made news in Centennial, Colorado for intentionally wrecking his car, trying to kill his 2 year old son. His son isn't dead, though. His son is in the hospital in casts, struggling to recover. Confused and in pain, I'm sure. The father claims that he didn't think he could be an appropriate father (a "good dad") so he tried to kill him.
My first and most immediate thought was, "Why didn't he give him up for adoption?" The fact, though, is that sometimes it isn't that simple. Everyone always assumes that there is a "Safe Haven" law in place for situations such as this. In Colorado, the "safe haven" law wouldn't have included this boy. The law says that "you can leave your baby, up to 3 years old, with a hospital staff member who engages in admission, care or treatment of patients at any hospital or with a firefighter at any fire station in Colorado." Clearly, this boy wasn't 3 days old.
If he had family that wanted to adopt the child, he could have done a kinship adoption but there is no word if this was the case. Regardless of what option he chose, he is still fiscally responsible for the child unless and until the adoption is finalized. It's not as simple as the movies make it; drop him off at an orphanage and call it a day.
I don't want to give the impression that I agree with what I did. I blatantly disagree. I think it's despicable. My thought, though, goes to what could be done to prevent situations like this. As sterilization seems like a simple answer, I definitely don't want the government involved in deciding who gets to have kids and who doesn't (though I'd debate that child molestors, etc wouldn't break my heart if they were sterilized). So what's the answer to preventing situations like this?
I don't think the answer is as easy as we'd like to think.
I definitely do think that if a parent is going to harm their child, there should be a safe place to leave him or her. I think that it's got to be an option to have a place to leave a child if they are in danger. Of course, there are ramifications. You have to get counseling/psychological care....period. If you are wanting to harm someone, especially a child, you need help. Another stipulation would be that you can't just leave the child and then come back and decide you want to pick him up again. In short, it's not a day care or a convenience. Once you've done your counseling, if the psychologist determines that you are safe and capable, fantastic. If the psychologist determines you didn't cooperate or that you are unsafe, the child is placed for adoption. The third stipulation is that are still financially responsible unless or until that child is adopted. You don't just get to leave a kid because you're not in the mood to take care of them. You are still responsible for what you've "created."
The point is that I think there should be a system in place AND that it should be a publicized option. There are too many parents leaving their kids in hot cars, abandoning them and such because there aren't available or widely publicized places to leave them. If you are a parent who is thinking about harming your child, PLEASE seek help. Go to DFCS, go to their pediatrician, go to a hospital, go to their school....any of these places will help you to find some sort of help that you may seek. They may not be able to provide the help directly, but they will help you get it! Please do NOT ever do something to harm your child (or any child, for that matter). Please do not EVER think that this is the solution to any problem.
Another thought on this topic is more strict penalties. People do what works for them. In short, parents are less likely to do something like this if they know they're going to jail for years and years. (I AM suggesting there be help for parents if they think they are endangering their child but if they actually go through with it, I do believe there should be serious penalties.) Make the penalties stronger. Make a very serious impression that this is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
My final thought on this is "prevention." If there are strict penalties, it helps to make people stop and think a bit but what else would assist this. This is not just teenagers or early twenty somethings but maybe it starts that young...and younger. People need to know that their sexual behavior does impact their life. If they get pregnant, it isn't a couple of years of work; it's 18+ years. You're a parent for life. Pregnancy needs to stop being such a "meh" thing. It needs to be a big deal. Yes, this dips into the abortion debate, I'm sure. That's a whole different conversation. What could be done to prevent this?
This man's actions are beyond awful. There are no words. My heart goes out to this little boy in his recovery and beyond. If you are a parent thinking of doing something similar, PLEASE get help. I beg you to please look into your heart and make a decision to seek assistance.
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