Porn and the Effects

If there is one thing on this planet that I'm very weird on the topic of, it's pornography. It's a very lucrative industry yet one that can shape things incredibly in people's lives. Here are my thoughts....

SINGLE PEOPLE: If you're single, you have my thumbs up to watch as you will. Positive? It's cheaper than dating and much safer.... Ummmm well less risk involved. Negative? If you're a pornaholic, you can develop an unhealthy expectation about the other sex. No one will ever live up to your fantasy.

IN A RELATIONSHIP UNDER A YEAR: In my opinion, you probably don't NEED to look at porn during this time. Alot of couples (those that have sex before marriage) are like bunnies their first year.

IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP/MARRIED: This gets murky. For the most part, my opinion is that if you're not replacing your sex life with porn, it's not doing any harm. With that being said, if you have a willing partner, I am puzzled why you'd want to watch. If they're in need of some finesse, schmooze them. Don't just blow them off and go watch some teenage MTV wannabe actress semi act out some fantasy of yours. Go be with your wife (or husband). Don't treat them like second best. Remind them why you love each other. It may not hurt to look at porn but it certainly doesn't help (most of the time).

But what if my significant other travels.... Tricky. Hmmm. Well my suggestion would be Skype but if not, porn while they're traveling on a trip of more than four days is acceptable. Less than four, wait it out. Absence makes the pants grow fonder...or something like that.

But she's never in the mood....well there might be a reason and it might be that she feels like you're not interested anymore. Get interested.... Get excited... Get her excited. The rest will fall into place.

But she knows and doesn't care....they always care, even if its buried deep. They always care. Thats a lie to avoid a fight. 

Stop making excuses and start treating your significant other like you're dating again. The benefits might surprise you.

Stealing

I'd like to post a short rant on stealing, but not physical things: Ideas. Ideas are highly personal and very valuable. Some ideas are meant to be shared... Enter Pinterest. There are some that share information on that site and others that want to give ideas to recreate.... cupcakes, crafts, etc. Then there are marketable ideas. These are the ideas people either share to market themselves or whose ideas are shared by happy consumers and such. These people work hard to create beauty and, while they don't mind inspiring, stealing their work is an abominable act of thievery. Don't steal ideas or even put people in a spot to have to give ideas that you can hand off to others to use. It's atrocious and immoral. Rant over.

Day off? Let's read!

My kids have MLK Day off. A lot of kids would look forward to laying around in their PJs watching TV. My kids want to use their Barnes & Noble gift cards to get a new book. Sheesh. I'm raising little nerds.

Their reading styles definitely for their personalities. Alyssa loves the fairy tales and romantic stories. Anthony loves noon fiction and fact books. Daniel loves superhero. Sydney loves anything girly but especially princesses. Regardless of interest, they all love to read. And I mean LOVE to read.... And THAT I love that they love it.

Broncos game day rules

There are more rules to Broncos day in my house than there are too raising Gizmo so he doesn't become a gremlin. Here is a rundown.....

1. Always wear your jersey. It is just how it is... Wear the colors or don't talk about the game. It's only weird if it doesn't work.

2. Wings must be made. In fact, it must be wings, mozzarella sticks, fried pickles, onion rings, fries, and whatever other greasy goodness we can have. It must be fixed at the start of the game by Tony and my plate must be brought to me. If I get up, it's bad juju.

3. No bathroom breaks till halftime. It doesn't matter how bad it is... Hold it.

4. No beer till halftime. Period.

5. Cherry Pepsi must be drank during the first half.

6. My hat doesn't get worn but it is set beside me.

7. Gnome-Shawn Moreno (our Broncos gnome) must be facing the television and without obstruction.

8. Horsey (the Broncos pillow pet) must be in someone's lap watching the television.

9. We must watch the pre game show.

10. No trash talk during the game... Trash talk must wait until the end of the game

Superbowl in 2 weeks.....GO BRONCOS!

Ramblings and Such

There are millions of ways to parent. Experts wrote books on the topic. Doctors and pastors and teachers offer their perspective. Other people throw in their two cents. By the time it's all said and done, more than anything we are left confused. I don't know what is best for everyone. What I can say with great confidence is that parents can be divided into three separate categories....

1. Parents that are always convinced their child is right. These parents are always convinced that other children are the problem... teachers are the problem... Babysitters are the problem. Their precious bundle of love can do no wrongs. These parents are usually characterized as using phrases such as "we don't say no to him" and"it's not HIS fault that...." These parents rarely go out for fear of their child behavior in public because they're never really disciplined.
2. Parents that are more 50/50. Yes sometimes my little angel isn't too blame for that argument on the playground but sometimes they're acting like buttholes and thry do mischievous crap. If their kids are too blame, you better believe these parents are stepping up and enforcing discipline. They are administering groundings and time outs. On the other hand, I dare you to blame an innocent child of one of these parents. Advocates is an  understatement. These parents are fierce mama lions.
3. The final group are the parents who don't care to contribute the time to find out who's responsible. Their only concern is how it affects them personally. This might take the form of a neglectful parent who blames their child for everything. On the other hand, it can take the form of loving parents too busy for troubling themselves with child related problems.
All of these groups have something in common... They love their kids. They just express it very differently. It's not to say who's right or wrong either. Maybe we all are. Maybe none of us are. The point is that much like everything else, moderation is key. Sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. Sometimes you're high. Sometimes you're low. Remembering that you and your child aren't perfect but embracing becoming better people day by daddy is the best part of life.

Teenagers....oy

I'm gonna need time to recover from the teenage years when it's all said and done. The most recent teen tantrum was.... Brace yourself.... A Hello Kitty alarm clock. There sat my teenager, clutching this all lawn clock with The facial expression of a toddler having her bottle exchanged for a sippy cup. In that moment , I felt a mix of emotions. I felt sorry for her; clearly she is feeling confusion over the hormones causing her grief. I felt aggravation at the unnecessary drama. I also felt confusion; what the heck is going on!?! No wonder I'm already getting gray hair! Ha ha ha
Sadly I still have three more that are gonna go through this. If I escape the teenage years without losing it, it will be a miracle.

Learning by Example....food for thought

Researchers tell us that children learn by watching. They tell us that if we speak calmly, so will they. If we respond without spanking and swatting, they'll learn not to hit. So here's my question....where in the heck did my kids pick up yelling across the house? Let me sum up my night.....

DANIEL!

WHAAAAT?

DO YOU WANT THIS PAPER AIRPLANE?

WHAAAAT?

DO YOU WANT THIS PAPER AIRPLANE?

WHAT PAPER AIRPLANE?

THE ONE ON YOUR BED!

IS IT THE ORANGE ONE?

WHAAAT?

IS IT THE ORANGE ONE?

NO IT'S BLUE!

WHAT?

IT'S BLUE!

OH BRING IT HERE AND LET ME SEE...

SYD DO YOU WANT THE PINK ONE?

WHAAAT?

THE PINK AIRPLANE!

WHICH PINK ONE?

WHAAAT?

Not a single child got up on their perfectly healthy legs to walk across the house. Not a single one. So if children learn by example, why is that not the case....food for thought.

Compromise vs Law

As a mom, I am still learning. I won't lie. There are some things (particularly the fits of teenagers) that I'm still trying to decode. I have been helping a few friends with their younger kids lately and discussed an important concept: rules vs compromise.

As a parent, we don't want unhappy kids. We ache when they ache and cry when they cry. As a child, they are built to test their limits early and often. Unfortunately our current societal standards have us worried we're going to damage them through correction. This just isn't true, in my opinion.

In my humble opinion , kids need to understand the difference between rules and things that can be compromised. A rule is a law of your household. Remember, you're teaching your kids about how the world works and they WILL grow up and be adults someday. They have got to learn that some things are just law. They're not always pleasant and they're not always easy but they're laws. There are other things that are compromise. No hitting... Law. What to have for snack: compromise. Whether they know it or not, kids like firmly established boundaries. Your life will be easier if you don't give in at every turn. Not everything can be compromised and if you teach your kids that everything can be compromised, you'll end up with a tyrannical argumentative child.

Frustrated

It's official. I am in utter confusion about why things keep breaking,especially things I work my ass off to maintain. My frustration level is high at the moment. Stay tuned.

The Playoffs Thus Far

I feel like a kid in a candy store.  It's GAME DAY!!!  After waiting a frustratingly long 2 weeks, the wait is over.  The Broncos play the Chargers today.

Two Saturdays ago, Indy beat out KC in a nail biter that ended in bitter defeat for KC.  Andrew Luck got lucky, in my opinion but the Colts proved why you should never just rule them out automatically.  They can make a crazy comeback and surprise you.  New Orleans put Philly out of the playoffs in yet ANOTHER nailbiter.  Philadelphia played hard but let's be realistic, I knew how this game would play out.  I just didn't know how close it'd be.

Last Sunday, Green Bay got their asses handed to them by the 49ers.  Talk about a catch 22 game for me.  Green Bay would have been less of a threat so I wanted to root for them, on one hand.  With that being said, I was raised in Chicago....rooting for Green Bay is like not liking deep dish pizza.  LOL  The Chargers knocked the Bengals out in a heartbreaker for me.  I was really rooting for Cincinnati since they did so much better than they normally do. They played hard and they should be proud for making it as far as they did.

Seattle knocked the Saints out yesterday in a game that they dominated in pretty much every way.  Seattle is a real threat but I'm hoping they get their asses kicked in the NFC Championships.  It might be the only time I actually ROOT for the 49ers.  I'd really love to see the 49ers get their asses kicked today and root for the Panthers over the Seahawks instead but only time will tell.  New England knocked out Indy.  Luck quit getting lucky.  Tom Brady is....well Tom Brady.

So today, our Broncos play and I am ready to get prepped for game time.  Superstition rules, baby. Thaw the hot wings and beer.  Get on the jerseys, knee socks and other stuff.  It's almost game time!

A Short and Sweet Message on Meanies.

I'm going to make this short and sweet for a weekend post.  I'm ill to death of people making excuses for acting like meanies.  I'm tirrreed.....I'm really stressed out........I'm pregnant......I have PMS......I have to do everything myself....the list goes on and on.  Guess what, folks, EVERYONE has things going on and none of those other ones are excuses for treating people like they're idiots.  How's about if we stick with the old adage "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Normal Fears: Categorized Heather-style

Don't worry about this post getting too deep.  It won't.  This is a fun post about normal fears.  I'm not gonna go into fear of dying or fear of not meeting standards.  Those are far too deep for this Orange Friday (Go Broncos).  I'm strictly going to discuss some of the most common normal fears and my feelings on them.

SPIDERS:  This is a big one in my house.  Half of the people in my house will scream and jump even if the spider is the size of a child's pinky finger tip.  I'm a squish and flush kinda lady.  I would love to say I'd catch and release the little arachnids I run into but I think I'd give someone a heart attack if I did. With that being said, the banana spiders in Florida that are the size of a fist scare the bejesus out of me.  Tarantulas are neat when they're pets but I wouldn't want one as a pet nor do I want to run into one out in the open.  Talk about heebie jeebies.

SNAKES:  I grew up with garter snakes always around my house.  Nasty creatures that plagued my childhood to make me scared to go outside.  I lived in Georgia and had a king snake that made its home in my yard.  It kept away the dangerous copperheads (for the most part).  I learned to cope with snakes a bit more.  I'm terrified of poisonous ones and I wouldn't want to own one in my home but I'm not afraid to touch them if someone else is holding them.  They do creep me out when  they're crawling around on the ground though. *shivers*  They're fascinating to watch behind glass.

BUGS (IN GENERAL):  Again, I'm a smoosh and flusher.

BEES/WASPS:  This is a rational fear.  I'm allergic.  I don't freak out at bees, normally.  I also don't swat at them generally.  I understand their importance in this world and I think that they aren't generally aggressive creatures.  Wasps are dirty, mean disgusting bugs.  They sting fast and hard and they're aggressive.  I'm terrified but have been known to take care of them if they get in my house. 

ENCLOSED SPACES:  I'm the first to admit I get overwhelmed when they're a lot of people in a small room but enclosed spaces in general don't bother me in the least.

HEIGHTS:  Again, not an issue for me.  Do they sometimes make me dizzy looking down, yes.  Does it scare me, no.

So that's my fun Friday entry.....enjoy

Dreams

Some people fantasize about dream vacations to Hawaii or Europe.  Some people dream of a wedding in a huge cathedral and a reception in a fancy museum.  Some people dream of dressing their children in GAP and taking them to ballet lessons at a prestigious academy.  Some dream of their children graduating from a private school and going on to Harvard.  Some people dream of driving a Mercedes, wearing huge diamonds, and eating caviar.  My dreams are far less complicated.  Maybe that's a reflection of my upbringing or maybe it's the side of me that hates to spend money.  Either way, here are my dreams, simple as they may be.....

My Dream House? Honestly, it'd have a nice a nice big yard that I could plant a garden in along with some flowers including yellow tulips.  I'd love a hammock and a porch swing and maybe a tire swing for the kids.  I don't care about the exact square footage but my dream house would have a garage where my love could go and have "man time" but also an area for me to do crafts, etc.  I'd probably have a workout room or area but it's not essential.  Mostly, though, it'd be big enough for the kids to each have their own room, customized to how they felt.  The kitchen would probably be the fanciest thing...big top of the line appliances, nice counters and plenty of storage...and it'd be fully stocked.  Lots of hardwoods.  In fact, if I had my way, it'd be all hardwoods with rugs in the bedrooms and living areas (so they could be taken out and washed.  I loathe carpet.  It'd have a fireplace and some great electronics to watch hockey and football on.  Big enough for the kids' friends to come hang out and not too big for me to be able to clean.  Biggest thing about my dream house?  FULLY paid for and in my name. LOL

My Dream Car?  Chevy Traverse is actually my dream car.  I'd want it AWD and with a lot of the bells and whistles. I'd want a towing package and roof racks and maybe one of those bike things on the back so I can haul the kids' bikes. My second one would be an AWD Audi Q7 but the mileage isn't quite as good on these.  Again, biggest thing?  FULLY paid for in my name.

My Dream Vacation?  Walt Disney World in Orlando....truthfully, it'd be a 3 week Florida vacation that included plenty of time at ALL of the Disney parks with the dining experiences but I'd also hit Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure for a day or two, Sea World, swim with dolphins at Discovery Cove, go to Medieval times, and spend time at the beach and tooling around St Augustine.  In this dream vacation, I'd be staying in a Disney hotel while in Orlando and a super nice hotel in St Augustine.  I'd love to road trip out there, on one hand and visit friends and family.  Then again, the kids have never flown so that'd be nice too.

My Dream Pet?  Well it'd be more than one.  I'd have a menagerie, really.  I'd like a pair of bulldogs.  If my property was large, a lab pup too (black lab).  I'd like a pair of kittens, no particular breed but male.  I'd like a bunny for my youngest, guinea pig for my second, lizard of some type for my third and gerbil for my oldest.  I'd also like a turtle or two.  I could basically go into the reptile store near us and buy one of a lot of animals.  I love having a lot of animals around.  My love would love a rat.  I'd also love horses, even if they couldn't be housed on our property.  If we had the property space, I'd love to have chickens for eggs and stuff too.

My Dream Wedding?  Honestly, it'd be relatively simple.  It'd be in the mountains somewhere with a group of 20-30 people.  The kids would be a part of the ceremony.  We'd have receptions here and in Illinois.  We'd take a honeymoon as a family (maybe camping) and one ourselves.  It wouldn't be elaborate.  I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy getting married on the ice at the Pepsi Center....or at Sports Authority field with Eric Decker officiating. LOL

My Dream Splurge?  Nope no snowmobiles...I'd love to get the kids into activities.  My biggest splurge, though, would be at least 4 of each per year, Broncos games, Avs games, Rockies games, Nuggets games, and Rapids games.  I'd also love to watch some college sports.  I'd love to take my camera and just geek out.

Mostly, I think I'd just like to be debt-free and have savings.  I'd love to be able to spend a lot of time with my kids and be a soccer mom but still afford not to live paycheck to paycheck.  There's always prayers and dreams, huh?

Playing the Victim

I'm gonna get up on my soapbox for a minute about something that's bugging me.  I don't understand why everyone in my generation wants to play the victim all of the time.  I definitely have theories, some of which I've posted about previously.  With that being said, reasons are not excuses.  Listen, people have the opportunity to change their lives and sometimes they choose to make it happen.  Other times, they choose not to grow up.  I've said before that people that complain about how people are so dramatic are usually the ones that are the most dramatic themselves BUT there is a difference between being dramatic and playing the victim.  Let's give a few scenarios.....

You get into a fight with a friend.  You say some really harsh things and then proceed to involve another friend in your fight.  That friend (only knowing your side) says even more vicious things.  The friend you're fighting with responds in defense and then you blame her for your hurt and upset and call her the problem.  She's not...you are.

You and your friend have been BFF's for as long as you can remember.  You watch her life start to go downhill and she starts putting her life in danger.  You call her out on it in a friendly loving way but it doesn't help...she continues.  Then someone ELSE calls on professionals to step in but does it anonymously...you get blamed.  Now your friend (who was in the wrong to begin with) blames you and plays the victim with everyone who will listen about how awful you are.

I think the one that bothers me most, though are the grown ass adults who play victim about their childhood.  Now before I go any further, I want to address a very real problem that DOES occur in some homes...abuse and neglect.  In these homes, children are neglected to the point of illness or damage to their well-being.  In these homes, children are beat or screamed at frequently for no reason at all or even worse things happen that I refuse to even think about.  It's a sad place to be.  These are not the homes I'm about to refer to so before you get your panties in a ruffle, understand that I'm talking about average homes growing up.

I hear all too often now these harsh allegations of the parents from our generation.  "I was beaten"....no you were spanked.  "I was verbally abused"...no you were reprimanded for your bad behavior.  "I was bullied relentelessly"....no you were teased like all kids are.  Listen, I'm not condoning any of these behaviors in particular but don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.  Spanking was common in my generation and I was spanked as a child.  Was I damaged by it?  Not a bit...I understood that my behavior had consequences and it hurt my butt....and I didn't want to do it again because I didn't want my butt hurt.  End of story. Teasing happens to everyone at least once in their lives: rich, poor, fat, skinny, big boobs, small boobs, long hair, short hair...it happens to everyone.  There is a vast difference between teasing and bullying.  Teasing is playful banter wherein you are still friends with the person after.  Bullying is a vicious attack on someone's persona just for the sake of hurting them.

I'm just gonna throw out a notion that might be controversial.  All of these studies being done are based on the disciplinary methods used for generations.  Did we have criminals in our generations?  YES.  Did we have mean people?  YES.  Now let's look at these studies and realize that these methods that we're being fed and told are THE way to parent haven't been studied for generations; they're new methods.  How do we know that these methods are going to produce different or better results?  Simply because a shrink tells us.  Well, I don't know about you but I tend to think that parenting instincts go a lot further than damn psychiatrist who doesn't know or live with your child.  It's really easy to judge from the outside but parenting isn't about someone else's opinions; it's about raising responsible, normal human beings that can be productive members of society.  I'm not saying the methods or wrong...just that we should give it some time to see how they end up panning out in the long run.  I mean, there are crazy amounts of school shoots, bullying to the point of suicide and hate crimes now from a generation being raised with these "new methods."  I can't say it's better or worse...just maybe that we should give it time to see the long term results.

Bottom line; Parenting is tough and I think there is a lot to be said for instincts.  Maybe if we contributed more time to concentrating on how to parent our own children and less time on reading how someone ELSE thinks we should do it, we'd be more effective parents.

Tuesday's Post a Day Late: Throw the "Thin Again" Jeans Away....

I actually had finished Tuesday's post but wanted to proof it before I posted...and then I forgot to post it. LOL  So here goes....

I've seen a lot of posts recently on Facebook about people dieting for the new year.  I don't make resolutions and I think that dieting as a resolution is a recipe for disaster.  If you truly want to keep weight off, you need to make a lifestyle change.  But I digress.  The posts on Facebook are all talking about getting back into their "Thin Again" jeans (aka skinny jeans...and not in reference to the cut of the jeans).  I had several thoughts about this and thought that it applied more widely to life, in general as well.  So here are my ramblings for the day.....

*THROW THE THIN AGAIN JEANS AWAY.  Yes, they might make a good motivator but that motivator will quickly become a blatant reminder on the weeks when you hit a plateau.  Losing weight to fit into something is not a good motivation, especially for women who have had children.  Bodies change with age but they change tremendously with pregnancy and child birth/nursing.  If you're trying to lose weight to fit into old jeans, you're setting yourself up for failure if you have a bloated day and the jeans don't fit again.  If you want to lose weight, lose it for your health.  Portion control, exercise, wise food choices...make a lifestyle change.
How does this pertain to life?  I know a lot of people, myself included, that are caught up in fixing those old relationships.  Maybe it's a sibling you're not close with or a cousin or an old friend.  Maybe it's your spouse or your parents.  When you get set on fixing the relationship to be the same as it was before, you're setting yourself up for disaster.  Relationships change just like bodies do.  If you truly want to fix that relationship, take the necessary steps to do so but understand that it will be changed.  If you don't, throw the jeans away and accept who you are (so to speak).

*DON'T STRIVE FOR A SIZE...STRIVE FOR A LIFE  Strive to get yourself healthy in all areas.  Find the workouts that work best for you.  For some it's jogging, some it's yoga, some it's weight lifting or cross fit.  Find what you enjoy doing and what makes you feel the best.  Exercise portion control with your food.  Look at what ACTUAL portion sizes should be.  Don't starve yourself or deny yourself completely.  It's a recipe for failure.
How does this pertain to life?  Instead of trying to fit into a cookie cutter, be you.  Don't worry about who's married while you're still single.  Don't worry about what people are gonna think of you because you're a divorcee.  Don't worry about what size boobs you have compared to some celebrity or how you have cellulite dimples no matter how you work out but such-and-such celebrity looks perfect a month post-baby.  Don't worry about others....do you.

and finally.....

*REWARD YOURSELF WHEN YOU REACH YOUR GOALS  I can't tell you which diet will work the best or which exercise routine to do.  What worked for Kim Kardashian might not work for you.  What worked for your neighbor Sally Sue might be awful for you.  What I can tell you is that instead of holding on to the "thin again" jeans, buy yourself a new pair.  Revel in the fact that you have worked hard for a goal and this is your reward!
How does this pertain to life?  Well, sort of the same as it pertains to weight loss.  Don't hold on to those old things (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) so you can fit into them again.  You're constantly changing and evolving.  You're growing as a person.  Instead of trying to reward the old you, reward the new you who's working hard to achieve your current goals.

Above all, just remember, you CAN DO THIS!  You're awesome!

Big Plans for the Night

I have very mixed feelings as I wake up on the morning of the last "free night" before school starts up again.  If you're a parent, you identify with this: being that they go back on Wednesday, you want them to rest up tomorrow night so tonight is the last truly free night before they go back to school.  None of them have developed a habit of sleeping in until noon so I'm not too concerned with making sure that they "practice" getting up early.  They generally aren't a problem in the morning so they don't need to "get back in the habit."  I need to make tonight fun for them.

In terms of my feelings about break, I'm glad it's over.  I had a blast hanging out with my kiddos but, let's be honest...if you're a parent of two or more school aged kids, you're not likely to be saying, "Oh drat...time for them to go back already?"  Kids argue and get sick of being cooped up together.  They get bored and run out of things to do.  I have definitely enjoyed just being able to have me time in the morning and not worrying about getting four kids up and out the door to school.  I have definitely enjoyed hanging with them and letting them have a real break from the humdrum of school.  I have definitely enjoyed not having to ride their butts about school work.  There have definitely been pros to the situation and there have been cons.

So I'm thinking that tonight needs to be a fun night.  I'm thinking popcorn and Netflix.  I'm thinking a special treat and maybe some board games.  I'm thinking they need a reward for being such great kids.  I'm thinking they just need one last hoorah before they buckle back down for school.  I have big plans for tonight.  Let's see if they play out.

Thought for the Day

Do you ever get the feeling that someone wishes that they could take something back?  Maybe they gave you a gift or told you that they'd do something and now they're regretting that decision.  Maybe you're the one that's doing the regretting.  I just watched an episode of "Big Bang Theory" the other day where Leonard was dating someone and things were moving too fast for him.  Penny told him that he was allowed to speak his mind and say that he had feelings.  He kept saying, "That doesn't sound right." 

I'm sort of feeling like there's someone in my life that wishes they could take something back.  Here's the thing...I don't want a "gift" (be it physical or a gift of time or energy) if someone regrets giving it.  It's okay to have feelings and ask for it back.  Every time I start to experience this feeling that they might be regretting it, it makes ME feel like crap and then it just goes round and round.  Then I think what they must be feeling and how guilty, trapped into a corner (not wanting to take something back), and aggravated they must feel and it makes me feel even worse...if that's possible.

I guess my point is this...if you're going to give someone a gift, especially one you know will make their day, don't do it unless you're sure you're willing to give it up.  Your gift may turn out to make someone feel awful if you aren't.

Inspiration Strikes: The 17 Fucks I Refuse to Give (Explicit Language )

I was inspired by an article on medium.com called "14 Fucks I Refuse to Give in 2014".  Please excuse the vulgarity as this WAS indeed the name of the article and it was as uncensored as that.  With that being said, I've made my own list of Fucks I Refuse to Give.  So without further ado, my 17 Fucks I Refuse to Give.....

1.  Other People's Reactions.  A long time ago, I was told that you can't control someone's reaction to what you say or do.  It sinks in little by little over time, yet I still find myself fighting with my ego at times when someone isn't excited about a gift or when someone is a judgmental jerk over something in my life.  The reality is that opinions are definitely like assholes (as the saying goes): everyone has one and most of them stink.

2.  Not Being "The Hated Parent" at social events  Unfortunately, there are just some parents that are gonna hate me no matter how much I volunteer or do in my free time.  There are parents that are gonna loathe me because of what I wear or how I carry myself.  I'm just gonna be me and refuse to let the crap bug me.

3.  Fixing broken relationships  I have this theory that you only get one mom or dad and that you shouldn't give up on old friends or siblings or broken people.  With that being said, even though I love some of the people I have broken relationships with, I have to accept that they're not changing in the foreseeable future and stop dedicating my time and effort to fixing them.  If they change in time, great.  If not, I'll know I dedicated time to the people who WANTED me there.

4.  Arguing with Argumentative People  It makes no difference how good of a point I make, how much I can back it up, or whether or not I'm even agreeing with the big picture, there's still an argument with some people.  I'm choosing not to bother fighting unless it's truly essential.

5.  Not Being Blamed for Some Things There are just some things in life I'm gonna be blamed for regardless of whether or not I actually did them.  Stubborn people form opinions and then retell the story and focus on their lies so much that they forget the truth.  People that truly know me and care for me know the truth of all scenarios so none of the other crap matters.

6.  Being Afraid to Wear My Glasses in Public  I know it's vain but I've always worried about how dumb and dorky I look in glasses.  I no longer care.  It is what it is.

7.  Being the "Hot mom"  Yes, this is something I honestly worried about...ALOT.  I remembered what it was like when my Mom would try to flaunt herself and I wanted nothing to do with making my kids feel that way.  Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not gonna shop at the local stripper store to pick out clothes for the PTA meeting but if I feel like wearing a bikini in the summer or a skirt to a school dance I'm chaperoning, I'm not gonna feel bad.

8.  Changing the toilet paper roll  Honestly, I haven't cared much about this in awhile.  With that being said, there are a whole lot of people who raise a stink about it. 

9.  The Chicago Bears  You sealed your fate when you re-signed Jay Cutler.  I've said for quite awhile that I refused to root for them as long as Cutler is a part of that team.  I'm now officially a Broncos fan.  Period.

10.  Trying to be the perfect aunt  It's not gonna happen.  Some people are going to be unappreciative of what you attempt to do for their kids no matter what.  They will either not acknowledge it at all (not looking for a ticker tape parade but a hey-we-got-your-gift would be awesome) or they'll blow it off.  To the ones who DO acknowledge things, I will continue to put forth my effort.  This goes back to spending my time and effort on the people who matter.

11.  People's opinions on my business-related stuff  You don't have to like the way I do things.  You can get mad that I won't do a freebie shoot for your friend's uncle's neighbor.  The fact is that I am going to do freebie shoots for people I want to do them for and for the images I want to use in my portfolio.  The other stuff is going to be what it is.  My family is my priority...not my business.

12.  People who judge me on my sports-related knowledge  In general, these are guys.  They are guys who don't think a woman can really talk with them about anything sports related.  It can be calling me a cheater in Fantasy Football because I'm kicking their butt or saying that the Broncos aren't my team because I just moved here.  Nevermind having more dedication than most "life-long" fans.  Nevermind that my hockey team isn't from Illinois either. 

13.  Being ostracized for being the mom that doesn't allow her tweens to have a Facebook/Twitter account  Yes, I get it...I'm soooo uncool.  They don't even get their own cell phones!  The house line is good enough for both of my tweens and if I have to lie about their age to set up a social media account, it clearly means they're too young.  Period.

14.  Being PC  Yes, I have manners and yes, I have tact.  With that being said, I'm done with this "politically correct" bull crap.  If you have an issue with the way I speak, you probably shouldn't listen.  I'm a Christian but not a specific religion.  I'm an independent voter but I agree with some things from both of the major two political parties.  I'm not an all-organic mama but I like avoiding medicines and such.  I'm not a by-the-book mom but I'm not a baby-wearing breastfeed until they're seven mom either.  I'm me and I'm not gonna be PC about it.

15.  Telling people whose kids are terrors that maybe their "I don't like to discipline" thing isn't working  I will be the first to say that all kids are different and some require different parenting methods than others.  I'm also the first to say that if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's not a goose with great hair.  If your child is disobedient constantly to your face, yells at you, curses at you, calls you names, or hits you, he's an obvious brat.  If people avoid being around you when your kids are present, they're probably a closet brat.  Either way, YOU are responsible for molding your kid into those things and I'm done telling people that it's just a phase.  Listen, your seven year old is still acting like a spoiled three year old...it's not a phase.  It's the kid.

16.  Answering phone calls from people I don't want to talk to  I'll no longer roll my eyes and muddy through it.  I may even put a rejection message that I can slide to that says that I have no desire to talk to them. LOL

and finally.....

17.  Whether or not I'm keeping up with someone else  I'm running my own race and I'll be grateful for the blessings God sees fit to give me.  I've gotten to experience some crazy awesome stuff in the most unexpected ways. 

Favoritism

I'd like to talk a little bit today about favoritism in families.  I know, I know...I don't have a favorite, right?  I love all of my kids equally.  Yes, yes, of course you do.  No one is denying your love for your children.  Parents innately love their children with a passion like  no other and I honestly believe parents when they say that they do not love one child more than the other.  Favoritism isn't about love...it's about other things.  I think, to some extent, all parents have a favorite even if they won't admit it.  Some are more clear about it than others.  With that being said, let's cover some of the causes for favoritism in families.

Like-ability  This is a pretty simple and self-explanatory concept yet one that parents feel guilty admitting.  Some children are a more challenging personality than others.  Some are more easy-going and happy.  Whichever one of those suits your personality, you're going to like more.  Think about when you choose your friends: do you pick people that you know are hard to get along with?  Of course not!  You choose the people that mesh with your personality...the people that you like more.

More in Common This refers strictly to interests, not personality.  In fact, like personalities often clash to the nth degree.  I'm referring to interests alone.  If you're into sports and one of your children is into sports, you're more likely to hang out with them more which would result in you being closer.  It's not that you can't spend time with your other children at all.  It's just that, again, much like when you pick your friends, you choose people that you have things in common with.

Self-identification  Let's be really honest here.  If you're an oldest child, you can often identify with the hardships that come with being the oldest.  If you're the youngest, you can identify with the often unfair parts of being the youngest.  If you're a middle child, you can identify with the internal bickering that comes with being a middle child.  The fact is that no matter WHAT your position in your family is, you're going to naturally identify more with someone in the same birth order.

Circumstances of their Pregnancy/Birth, etc  Maybe you had a difficult time conceiving and had to work extra hard.  Maybe you knew this would be your last pregnancy or you even got a surprise when you found out you were pregnant.  Maybe you had an exceptionally special pregnancy or birth process with a certain child.  Then again (on the negative side) maybe someone died during your pregnancy or you had a difficult pregnancy.  Maybe you went through a divorce or some traumatic event during your pregnancy.  Circumstances can ultimately affect how you view someone.

and finally....

Need  All children need their parents.  That's not my argument.  My argument is that some children experience life-changing illnesses or accidents.  They NEED their parents undivided attention during these times.  Some children experience mental or emotional trauma.  They NEED their parents during these times more than ever.  Some children have special needs in general.  They NEED their parents more.  It's not about children that are just high maintenance in general.  This is about children that needed their parents undivided attention for a specific cause.

Now here's the irony: Parents that are unwilling to admit that they have a favorite are usually ones that have the most extreme behavior related to it.  For a parent that freely admits it, they've identified the "problem" and are more likely to make concessions to spend more time with the children they don't favor.  Admitting that you have a "problem" is the first step, after all.  For parents that aren't willing to admit this favoritism, they generally compensate one of two ways: extreme attention to the child or extreme attention to another child.  Let me explain.

If you know on some level that you favor a child but you don't want to outwardly admit it, you might take it to the opposite extreme.  People around you see the favoritism and have probably said something to you about it.  In your desire to "prove them wrong", you will often treat the unfavored child like a tiny saint.  You'll cater to them in insane ways.  Unfortunately, these children often identify the behavior you're choosing and choose their own compensation....they compensate for your overwhelming urge to treat them like a saint by acting like a demanding little patron.  They become unable to do things on their own.  They become dependent on being the center of attention.  They often develop anger or bitterness toward the favored sibling and they will NOT let you forget that you "like them better."

If you are just completely unaware of your favoritism (which I find unlikely.  It's more likely that you're in denial completely), you're apt to favor the child in clear and obvious ways.  You spend more time with them, don't discipline them for the same behavior a sibling has been disciplined for, help them more, buy them more....it's abundantly clear.  Ironically this can be a first step before a parent switches to the aforementioned compensation.

So what's the answer?  The answer is to just be the best parent you can be.   Make an effort to connect with each of your kids in the best way you see fit and learn about their interests.  In the long run, it may end up saving a relationship.

I Hope the Trend Continues

Man Alive, I hope this upward trend continues.  After a busy but wonderful New Year's setting up new things in our house, my amazing fiancé passed a work-related test today and is getting a promotion.  He worked really hard to achieve his goal and I'm so thankful for the blessing we're starting off 2014 with.  What a fantastic way to begin the year!

New Year's Day (A Day Late)

As I got behind on my posts, I wanted to give the best explanation.....we were rearranging and cleaning the house.  This brings about what the title SHOULD be to this entry: I love hand me downs.

When my kids were babies and toddlers, we got hand me downs galore.  It was marvelous.  I scarcely really had to buy them clothes or shoes for quite awhile because it was all bought for them, just pre-worn.  I have never minded the fact that their clothes or shoes (or toys or books or anything else) weren't brand new.  They grow so quickly anyway that it was a money saver and none of them were picky.

Having lost my things when I moved out here due to a crappy divorce, I cherish and miss some of the irreplaceable things but I also am grateful for the hand me downs we've received.  We started wit sofa and two chairs.  The sofa was not working out so great so we got rid of it when we moved from the apartment to the house and kept the two chairs.  We, then acquired a futon which served its purpose but was not very comfortable.  We were recently given a fluffy, like-new love seat that fit perfectly right where we needed it.  I spent yesterday rearranging the living room to accommodate the new love seat/sofa and the two new end tables.  Our living room now looks more like a living room.

Then there's the kids' rooms.  Just having plain metal frames and their mattresses and box springs bums me out. Yesterday we got a start toward what we're wanting to do...loft beds.  Anthony got to be the first to get a loft bed yesterday and I rearranged his room.  The girls room got rearranged to accommodate the old futon (for when they watch TV) and the new toys they got at Christmas.

Finally, our landlord brought in the new stove (yay)!  We're moving on up!  We had to rearrange and clean some of the kitchen for that!  That sort of sparked the laundry room getting cleaned up.

Our house has changed so much in 12 hours but it looks fantastic and I'm so grateful for how we're starting off our year!

New Year's Eve...A Little Late

I'm a little behind on my posts because I had so much going on the past few days.  Therefore, you get my New Year's Eve post (which I was drafting but hadn't posted yet) a couple of days behind....

As the year comes to a close, I say goodbye with a hearty smile to 2013.  See ya!  There was so much that went on in 2013, some good and some bad.  Relationships with friends and family came and went.  People were lost.  It was a sad year and yet a happy one.  Here are some of the highlights (good and bad).....

Birthdays.  Tweenagers and youngsters alike, the birthdays were amazing.  Birthday gatherings, sleepovers, and other fun celebrations were had.  I got Mellow Mushroom for my birthday.  Birthdays are a definite plus.

Beautiful weather  Yes, there were some sucky points but the weather was....well Denver.  It was absolutely marvelously sunny and gorgeous 90% of the time and it was a tremendously beautiful summer.

Deaths  I lost some of the people that I love and have watched their family now suffer through a holiday season without them.

Surgery This is a good/bad one.  Bad because I was off work for longer than I wanted, had to lose my ability to have children in the future, and it was painful.  Good because I am now a lot healthier and happier since the hysterectomy.

Continuation  My daughter is now a middle schooler...yikes.  That is all.

Engagement  Tony and I got engaged on Thanksgiving and it is an amazing new step in the right direction for us.

New Car.  Another good/bad.  I miss my baby (my minivan) that got great mileage for a bigger car, was roomy and had no car payment.  On the other hand, AWD and a sportier car are nice.

BOB:  Bob is our frog and he has made a great new addition for our family.

Those are some of the highlights.  Here's to hoping that 2014 is even better than any year before.