Playing the Victim

I'm gonna get up on my soapbox for a minute about something that's bugging me.  I don't understand why everyone in my generation wants to play the victim all of the time.  I definitely have theories, some of which I've posted about previously.  With that being said, reasons are not excuses.  Listen, people have the opportunity to change their lives and sometimes they choose to make it happen.  Other times, they choose not to grow up.  I've said before that people that complain about how people are so dramatic are usually the ones that are the most dramatic themselves BUT there is a difference between being dramatic and playing the victim.  Let's give a few scenarios.....

You get into a fight with a friend.  You say some really harsh things and then proceed to involve another friend in your fight.  That friend (only knowing your side) says even more vicious things.  The friend you're fighting with responds in defense and then you blame her for your hurt and upset and call her the problem.  She's not...you are.

You and your friend have been BFF's for as long as you can remember.  You watch her life start to go downhill and she starts putting her life in danger.  You call her out on it in a friendly loving way but it doesn't help...she continues.  Then someone ELSE calls on professionals to step in but does it anonymously...you get blamed.  Now your friend (who was in the wrong to begin with) blames you and plays the victim with everyone who will listen about how awful you are.

I think the one that bothers me most, though are the grown ass adults who play victim about their childhood.  Now before I go any further, I want to address a very real problem that DOES occur in some homes...abuse and neglect.  In these homes, children are neglected to the point of illness or damage to their well-being.  In these homes, children are beat or screamed at frequently for no reason at all or even worse things happen that I refuse to even think about.  It's a sad place to be.  These are not the homes I'm about to refer to so before you get your panties in a ruffle, understand that I'm talking about average homes growing up.

I hear all too often now these harsh allegations of the parents from our generation.  "I was beaten"....no you were spanked.  "I was verbally abused"...no you were reprimanded for your bad behavior.  "I was bullied relentelessly"....no you were teased like all kids are.  Listen, I'm not condoning any of these behaviors in particular but don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.  Spanking was common in my generation and I was spanked as a child.  Was I damaged by it?  Not a bit...I understood that my behavior had consequences and it hurt my butt....and I didn't want to do it again because I didn't want my butt hurt.  End of story. Teasing happens to everyone at least once in their lives: rich, poor, fat, skinny, big boobs, small boobs, long hair, short hair...it happens to everyone.  There is a vast difference between teasing and bullying.  Teasing is playful banter wherein you are still friends with the person after.  Bullying is a vicious attack on someone's persona just for the sake of hurting them.

I'm just gonna throw out a notion that might be controversial.  All of these studies being done are based on the disciplinary methods used for generations.  Did we have criminals in our generations?  YES.  Did we have mean people?  YES.  Now let's look at these studies and realize that these methods that we're being fed and told are THE way to parent haven't been studied for generations; they're new methods.  How do we know that these methods are going to produce different or better results?  Simply because a shrink tells us.  Well, I don't know about you but I tend to think that parenting instincts go a lot further than damn psychiatrist who doesn't know or live with your child.  It's really easy to judge from the outside but parenting isn't about someone else's opinions; it's about raising responsible, normal human beings that can be productive members of society.  I'm not saying the methods or wrong...just that we should give it some time to see how they end up panning out in the long run.  I mean, there are crazy amounts of school shoots, bullying to the point of suicide and hate crimes now from a generation being raised with these "new methods."  I can't say it's better or worse...just maybe that we should give it time to see the long term results.

Bottom line; Parenting is tough and I think there is a lot to be said for instincts.  Maybe if we contributed more time to concentrating on how to parent our own children and less time on reading how someone ELSE thinks we should do it, we'd be more effective parents.