You Can't Reason with a Toddler

As someone who deals with kids on the daily, I can tell you the following: You can't reason with a toddler.  Don't get me wrong...I fully believe that a whole lot of two year olds can grasp exactly what you're talking about when you tell them to stop doing something.  Of course they can.  They're choosing to continue their behavior because they're learning independence and testing their limits.  It's normal.  With that being said, trying to explain to a toddler why they can't do something is like trying to explain to a cow why they can't eat grass....you can talk all day long but it will do no good.  Realistically even if the toddler can understand you, they've tuned you out about three words in because they're focusing on what they can do next.  Until a certain age, it is perfectly acceptable to just say "no" when they're doing something dangerous.  It's acceptable to not answer a "why" question when they're doing something they KNOW they're not supposed to do and you tell them "no."  It doesn't make you a bad parent.  It gives them a clear understanding that there are certain things that are just no-no's period.  You don't owe them an explanation.  You don't owe them some sort of rundown....they're just not acceptable.  Just bear that in mind as you go about your day when you're dealing with your toddler.  It's okay to just say no.

Parenting is NOT always fun

Okay, at least one or two people are going to be highly offended by my first post after my little moving hiatus.  Prepare yourself and pucker up because it's about to get very, very real.

At what point in time did we start deciding that being a parent is supposed to be all-fun, all-convenience, all-easy all of the time?  I listen to parents talk about how they "need" a vacation from their kids every couple of months and it makes me wonder when we started this.  I can't remember my parents taking quarterly weeks away from us just to "get some space" and I certainly know my grandparents didn't do it.  Nights out?  Sure.  Weekends?  Once in a while, okay.  When you sign on to become a parent, though, you make the commitment to put some of that aside.

Another frequently heard phrase is that "I can't wait until I'm done raising them."  While I understand that most people are just referring to when they turn 18 and don't LEGALLY need them anymore.  Here's the reality.... even when your kids are grown, you're still their parents.  You don't sign on for 18 years; you sign on for life.  You may not need to financially support them or change their diapers but they're still going to need your emotional support and want your cheers of joy for their accomplishments.  Parenting doesn't end at 18....it just doesn't.

Perhaps my least favorite, though, is the concept that parenting is supposed to be some sort of fun time....like waiting until a certain age or financial status or anything else will make someone have a more fun experience.  Look, newborns cry...and it's not fun.  Do they have a lot of great things about them?  Yes.  Is it always fun?  No.  Toddlers and three year olds throw tantrums.  Are they fun?  NOPE.  After that, it's attitude, I want, and teen tantrums.  Are they fun?  Of course not.  Do you love your kids? Yes.  Do you have great times with them?  Yes.  Would you trade them for anything?  Of course not.  With that being said, parenting is an exhausting, all-go-no-play, self-sacrificing, always changing all-day-every-day experience when it's done correctly.  Is it rewarding?  Of course.  Is it fun?  Not all of the time, no.  Anyone that says that it is, in my opinion, is lying or has never lived it.

Perhaps if there were less "I need a vacation quarterly" parents, there would be far less entitled, schmucky kids that feel like they deserve $15/hour when they're 16 years old flipping burgers.  Maybe there would be less bullying because kids would be brought up to realize that humility is an important trait and caring for others is important.  Maybe, just maybe, there would be fewer teenagers thinking that being a parent is a fun thing to try out at their age and they'd realize that it's truly hard work.  Maybe being real about parenting would make people think twice about their behavior.  Then again, maybe not.  People can disregard this as my opinion is just that.  If it plants a seed of thought in one person's head, though, it might be worth it.

Moving Tips

I spent my entire weekend packing...packing....and more packing.  The great news is that it's mostly done.  The bad news is that it's not completely done.  I got the compliment that I'm a "fast packer" so I thought I'd share some moving/packing tips....

Buy more boxes, tape, and packing supplies than you think you'll need because guess what...you don't think you have as much stuff as you do.  The most common thing I've said or heard when moving is "Man I didn't know I had that much stuff."  Yes....you do.  You have more than enough stuff.  Seriously.  Get extra.  You can always return extra tape or bubble wrap if it's unopened.

Purge.  Use the opportunity to go through your stuff and figure out what you don't use or need.  It'll pay off in the long run.

Label EVERYTHING.  It sounds anal retentive but seriously.....label.  Label it with the room you want it to go in and what's in it.  Dual purposes here.  When you get everything in your new place, you can sort everything into the right room and unpack more quickly than playing box roulette.  You can also quickly find that spatula you need to make a grilled cheese if you know which box it's in.

Be ready when people come to help.  Don't be the schmo that asks people to help you move at 9:00 and you're only half packed when they show up.  Seriously...don't be that guy.  Have your furniture that needs unassembled ready when people show up so you can just throw it in the truck.

and finally....

Make sure you write if it's "heavy" or "fragile" so anyone helping knows to be gentle with the box OR to be ready to lift a heavier load. 


Hope this helps.  Happy Packing!

Broncos Broncos Broncos

I've been a little bit heavy-handed with the more serious topics lately so today, I celebrate Broncos single game tickets being on sale with my top ten favorite parts of football season starting up again (aside from the obvious).  Here goes.....

1.  Spending an ENTIRE Sunday doing absolutely nothing but prepping for and watching football games.  Whether you have NFL Sunday ticket or an antennae, you can spend the whole day watching pre-game and post game if you're not actively watching the games themselves.  I personally follow the scores of the games I'm not watching on my phone or laptop.  It's an opportunity to geek out in the best way possible.

2.  Fried food.  I'm sorry but I don't buy into the healthy snack thing when it comes to watching games....mozzarella sticks, fried pickles, wings, and anything else I can fry.

3.  The ceremonial Broncos game garb.  I am ridiculously superstitious when it comes to what I wear for games.  I take it very seriously and I don't stray from it.  (I think all true sports fans are).

4.  Trash talk.  Honestly, I hold off 90% of my trash talk until post game.  Again, superstition strikes hard.  With that being said, trash talk is one of the greatest privileges of the fans.

5.  ESPN.com and NFL.com have the BEST articles to read.  I spend at least an hour every day looking over everyone's stats, reading the articles and reading my favorite blogs because.....

6.  FANTASY FOOTBALL starts up!  I have a winning streak a mile wide and I'm ridiculously competitive when it comes to my team.

7. Monday Night Football.  After a long day of work, who DOESN'T want to come home and watch a killer football game!?!

8.  The chance to go see a game at Sports Authority Field.  Seeing a live Broncos home game is an experience that is unparalleled.  Adrenaline rush is an understatement.

9.  Hearing all the non-football fans go, "Ughhhhh" every Sunday (or seeing it online).  I take some small measure of pleasure in hearing people that are obsessed with chick flicks and girly things say, "Ugh, not football season." 

10.  An opportunity to truly be part of something I love.  My Gawd, I love the NFL and my heart is already racing just thinking about football season starting up again! The "family" of Broncos fans  here in Denver and beyond are ready to watch PFM kick some ass this year!  Let's go Broncos!

Three Parts that Make Your Relationship Run More Smoothly

There are three components that I believe contribute largely to successful relationships (though they are clearly only part of a larger working machine) that I think are too often overlooked.  Some of the idea of my component list comes from observation, some from personal experience and some from just pondering on life.  Without further ado, components that contribute largely to successful relationships:

The ability to say "Thank you" and "I'm Sorry".  These seem like really simple phrases but they are, often, pushed aside when you're truly comfortable with someone.  The words "thank you" convey appreciation and, in my opinion, love.  It shows that you are truly realizing that someone's effort went into doing something for you (big or small) and you are thankful.  This can make a world of difference.  Remember that there are a lot of times that your family/friend/lover has had a day outside of your presence and they might just need a soft place to fall.  "Thank you" can change a stressful day to a peaceful heart that feels loved.  Some days it can be the turning point.
The words "I'm sorry" are important to me personally.  I believe that saying "I'm sorry" indicates that you plan to change your behavior.  This is important for a couple of reasons.  First of all, the sheer sentiment of saying that you're sorry means that you're admitting that you did wrong.  It might have just led to hurt feelings but it might have also led to something bigger and more traumatic.  Secondly, the words indicate that not only do you understand that you did something wrong but that you intend to do your best to not do it again.  This builds trust (when you truly back up your words with your actions).  Finally, it can indicate that you plan to try to fix the wrong done by the behavior.  Even if you can't succeed at reversing what was done, you can always do something wonderful and amazing just by showing that you want to try.

Encourage them to be who they are and be their biggest fan.  Again, it sounds simple enough.  When you fall for someone, all you can do is brag on them.  Unfortunately, it seems that this fades over time for a lot of people.  Appreciating someone on a daily basis makes a big difference.  Focusing on their good qualities and encouraging them to grow in those areas is a true sign of love.  Choosing not to criticize or critique but instead to encourage and build up is a truly wonderful way to show someone true love.  While it is important that you share some interests, your family/friends/lover is going to have things that they love that make them unique.  Chances are, they are truly passionate about something and showing them that you are their biggest fan when it comes to that passion will make them feel an overwhelming love.  The most successful couples I've observed have enjoyed spending time together but have given each other not only the space but the encouragement to do something wonderful on their own as well.  Be their confidence when they're feeling discouraged.  Be their patience when they're frustrated at not being able to advance. Show them that they have a fan no matter what.

Learn how they feel loved and focus on trying to exercise that method.  There is a wonderful series of books about "The Five Love Languages" that I fully recommend to everyone I know.  Finding out how people feel loved can make a huge difference.  If your lover feels loved when you touch them and you are showing your love by buying them things, it's not going to feel like love to them.  I encourage everyone to read these books and truly find out what those you love have as a love language.  I have found that it changes your relationships all around.  It can make the difference between the love that they feel from someone else and a love that truly envelopes them in whatever kind of affection they need. 


Again, these are not the only cogs in a relationship machine but they can truly make an astounding difference in your relationships with your loved ones.  Try practicing them for awhile and see what a difference it makes.

Tact and Self Control

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I believe that there is a certain degree of tact that all people should learn to exercise and that we should be teaching our children to exercise, especially.  I'm not the type of person to sugar coat ANYTHING but I do believe that sometimes, it's a great idea to just keep your mouth shut if you're not going to improve the situation with your words.  Here are my general rules when it comes to tact:

Not EVERYONE needs your opinion ALL of the time.  Let's face it: it's hard to NOT open your mouth sometimes.  Realistically speaking, you may need to bite your tongue as hard as you can.  You are not a radiant all-knowing spirit and not everyone needs your opinion all of the time. 

If it's not improving the situation, think twice before saying it.  Okay so sometimes you just need to tell it like it is to someone who's just not getting it.  Sometimes you just need to realize that if you're not going to help the situation, you might need to just shut your mouth.  Practice self-control and let people make their own mistakes.

With those two things said, if you HAVE to say it, try to say it without criticizing.  This particularly applies to loved ones.  If you have to say something hard, try to say it without criticizing.  Am I suggesting you sugar coat?  No.  Am I suggesting you choose not to kick them when they're down, yes.

Use YOUR intelligence to make the conversation lean in a direction where your advice may be helpful.  Use the intelligence God gave you to turn the conversation from an "ugh, why won't he shut up" to a "Hmmmm that might be a different way to look at it."  The use of the phrases, "Maybe you could try" or "It might be an option to look into if you..." might be a helpful start.

and finally....

Understand that they aren't likely to take your advice anyway.  Very few people on this planet listen to anyone else, really.  They honestly take what you're saying with a grain of salt, even if they're your best friend.  They have to learn.  Sometimes the best action is being ready to catch them when they fall and fight the urge to say "I told you so."

Perhaps if more people in our country exercised tact and a little bit of self-control when it comes to what comes out of their mouths, the country would be a gentler place.