There are three components that I believe contribute largely to successful relationships (though they are clearly only part of a larger working machine) that I think are too often overlooked. Some of the idea of my component list comes from observation, some from personal experience and some from just pondering on life. Without further ado, components that contribute largely to successful relationships:
The ability to say "Thank you" and "I'm Sorry". These seem like really simple phrases but they are, often, pushed aside when you're truly comfortable with someone. The words "thank you" convey appreciation and, in my opinion, love. It shows that you are truly realizing that someone's effort went into doing something for you (big or small) and you are thankful. This can make a world of difference. Remember that there are a lot of times that your family/friend/lover has had a day outside of your presence and they might just need a soft place to fall. "Thank you" can change a stressful day to a peaceful heart that feels loved. Some days it can be the turning point.
The words "I'm sorry" are important to me personally. I believe that saying "I'm sorry" indicates that you plan to change your behavior. This is important for a couple of reasons. First of all, the sheer sentiment of saying that you're sorry means that you're admitting that you did wrong. It might have just led to hurt feelings but it might have also led to something bigger and more traumatic. Secondly, the words indicate that not only do you understand that you did something wrong but that you intend to do your best to not do it again. This builds trust (when you truly back up your words with your actions). Finally, it can indicate that you plan to try to fix the wrong done by the behavior. Even if you can't succeed at reversing what was done, you can always do something wonderful and amazing just by showing that you want to try.
Encourage them to be who they are and be their biggest fan. Again, it sounds simple enough. When you fall for someone, all you can do is brag on them. Unfortunately, it seems that this fades over time for a lot of people. Appreciating someone on a daily basis makes a big difference. Focusing on their good qualities and encouraging them to grow in those areas is a true sign of love. Choosing not to criticize or critique but instead to encourage and build up is a truly wonderful way to show someone true love. While it is important that you share some interests, your family/friends/lover is going to have things that they love that make them unique. Chances are, they are truly passionate about something and showing them that you are their biggest fan when it comes to that passion will make them feel an overwhelming love. The most successful couples I've observed have enjoyed spending time together but have given each other not only the space but the encouragement to do something wonderful on their own as well. Be their confidence when they're feeling discouraged. Be their patience when they're frustrated at not being able to advance. Show them that they have a fan no matter what.
Learn how they feel loved and focus on trying to exercise that method. There is a wonderful series of books about "The Five Love Languages" that I fully recommend to everyone I know. Finding out how people feel loved can make a huge difference. If your lover feels loved when you touch them and you are showing your love by buying them things, it's not going to feel like love to them. I encourage everyone to read these books and truly find out what those you love have as a love language. I have found that it changes your relationships all around. It can make the difference between the love that they feel from someone else and a love that truly envelopes them in whatever kind of affection they need.
Again, these are not the only cogs in a relationship machine but they can truly make an astounding difference in your relationships with your loved ones. Try practicing them for awhile and see what a difference it makes.
No comments:
Post a Comment