Dear Mom With the Baby in the NICU,
First of all, I would like to send you a hug. If I was there, I would be giving you one in person. You are stronger than you realize, Mama. You have permission to be weak once in awhile. You have permission to cry if you need to. You are loved. You are prayed for.
Your baby is strong too. In fact, he is stronger than anyone can imagine on the inside. His will power stands strong even if his body needs a little help right now. He's a warrior and he doesn't even know it yet. Even right now his lungs and his stomach are learning how to be as strong as he is. Every beat of his heart is teaching his body that he will not be tamed. He is fierce. He is a fighter.
Though everything seems uncertain right now, believe. Believe in your heart that his body is healing every second. Your positivity will become the fuel to his fire...and he will be unstoppable.
I love you,
A Mom Watching From Afar
Showing posts with label #momtalk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #momtalk. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Food for Thought: Let Kids be Kids
Tuesday Food for Thought: I am a big promoter of letting kids be kids for as long as they can. I mean, the world is a messed up place and the longer they get to just run and play, the better. With that said, what I am NOT a promoter of is the extreme ends of this; balance is key.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
Monday, August 8, 2016
5 Ways to Help Kids Stay Safe When They Go Back to School
The world is a crazy place nowadays and it's hard to know what to do with your kids. The fine line of balance between being overprotective and cautious is teetered daily. You want to make sure that you're allowing them to be kids but also want to make sure that they are safe from the nut bars that walk our streets on the regular. Back to school does not help. Here are 5 tips for attempting to keep your kids safe as the school year begins....
1. Phone Vigilance. This doesn't apply to everyone but here's the deal: Your kids playing Pokemon Go while they're walking to school are not paying attention. They aren't looking for cars coming at them but they're also not keep an eye out for the people around them. Yes, it's unlikely that they could get abducted in the twenty feet from your car at drop off to the playground but child predators are crafty and you don't want them to not be paying attention. Period. Teach them to keep the phones in their backpacks (on silent or off) from the minute they get to school. No game is more important than their safety and well-being. This also goes for checking your children's phones for chats and inappropriate pictures. Sext blackmail is a very real thing that predators use.
2. Be On Your Toes and Travel in Groups (when possible): I don't care if you live in the most ritzy neighborhood in the country, abductions are real. You may walk your kids to and from school and that's great but there are still field trips and other occasions where the kids are out and about. Make sure they are paying attention to their surroundings. Try to make sure that they're always traveling with others, as abductions are less likely when a child is with a group.
3. Talk to them about stranger danger. This sounds incredibly simple but it is lacking in a whole lot of families. Parents don't want to scare their kids. Parents want to keep their children in their safe little bubble. Unfortunately, though, it's a necessary evil to let your kids know that there are bad people in the world and they don't always look like they do in the movies. In fact, a whole lot of them look like very normal people. I like to recommend the video that was made by the creator of Baby Einstein and John Walsh. It's simple terminology but very clear. Teach your kids that strangers will say ANYTHING from lost puppies to you being hurt.
4. Establish a code word. Again, this may make you roll your eyes but can you guarantee that if your 5 year old would know what to do in a stranger situation, "Hey Katie. Mommy was in a terrible accident. Your dad asked me to come get you and take you to the hospital."...Guess what; research shows that a whole lot of "Katie's" are going to get in the car. Predators know how to play on the kids' emotions. Establish a word that ONLY you, your safe person (in case you're hurt or otherwise unavailable) and your kids know. Make sure they know not to tell ANYONE and to NEVER go with ANYONE unless they can tell you that word.
5. Don't put their names on things. I can't stress this enough. STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS' NAMES ON BACKPACKS AND CLOTHES. It's cute and "easy to identify" when they're all in a pile but it's also easy for child predators to say, "Hey Brandon, come here." Kids assume that adults that know their names know THEM. If you REALLY feel the need to put their name on their backpack for identification, put it on the area where the straps go. This makes certain that their name is not showing when they are out and about. Better yet, if you really need that outside "name", simply put their initials. It still allows easy identification but gives added protection from a predator being able to single them out.
It sucks that we have to worry about these things but we must be vigilant to attempt to protect our kids. Please share this info with your friends and make sure to practice it yourself to help in the fight to keep your little ones safe and sound.
1. Phone Vigilance. This doesn't apply to everyone but here's the deal: Your kids playing Pokemon Go while they're walking to school are not paying attention. They aren't looking for cars coming at them but they're also not keep an eye out for the people around them. Yes, it's unlikely that they could get abducted in the twenty feet from your car at drop off to the playground but child predators are crafty and you don't want them to not be paying attention. Period. Teach them to keep the phones in their backpacks (on silent or off) from the minute they get to school. No game is more important than their safety and well-being. This also goes for checking your children's phones for chats and inappropriate pictures. Sext blackmail is a very real thing that predators use.
2. Be On Your Toes and Travel in Groups (when possible): I don't care if you live in the most ritzy neighborhood in the country, abductions are real. You may walk your kids to and from school and that's great but there are still field trips and other occasions where the kids are out and about. Make sure they are paying attention to their surroundings. Try to make sure that they're always traveling with others, as abductions are less likely when a child is with a group.
3. Talk to them about stranger danger. This sounds incredibly simple but it is lacking in a whole lot of families. Parents don't want to scare their kids. Parents want to keep their children in their safe little bubble. Unfortunately, though, it's a necessary evil to let your kids know that there are bad people in the world and they don't always look like they do in the movies. In fact, a whole lot of them look like very normal people. I like to recommend the video that was made by the creator of Baby Einstein and John Walsh. It's simple terminology but very clear. Teach your kids that strangers will say ANYTHING from lost puppies to you being hurt.
4. Establish a code word. Again, this may make you roll your eyes but can you guarantee that if your 5 year old would know what to do in a stranger situation, "Hey Katie. Mommy was in a terrible accident. Your dad asked me to come get you and take you to the hospital."...Guess what; research shows that a whole lot of "Katie's" are going to get in the car. Predators know how to play on the kids' emotions. Establish a word that ONLY you, your safe person (in case you're hurt or otherwise unavailable) and your kids know. Make sure they know not to tell ANYONE and to NEVER go with ANYONE unless they can tell you that word.
5. Don't put their names on things. I can't stress this enough. STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS' NAMES ON BACKPACKS AND CLOTHES. It's cute and "easy to identify" when they're all in a pile but it's also easy for child predators to say, "Hey Brandon, come here." Kids assume that adults that know their names know THEM. If you REALLY feel the need to put their name on their backpack for identification, put it on the area where the straps go. This makes certain that their name is not showing when they are out and about. Better yet, if you really need that outside "name", simply put their initials. It still allows easy identification but gives added protection from a predator being able to single them out.
It sucks that we have to worry about these things but we must be vigilant to attempt to protect our kids. Please share this info with your friends and make sure to practice it yourself to help in the fight to keep your little ones safe and sound.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
"Bad Kids"
One of my biggest "grrr" moments, of late, has been hearing people comment about the "bad kids" that are influencing their own kids. Why is this a "grrrr" thing for me? It's pretty simple. I don't think there are "bad kids." I think there are good kids that make bad choices sometimes. I think that "bad kids" are really kids whose parents aren't able (for whatever reason) to guide them through the recovery process from bad decisions. That's NOT to say that every "bad kid" has parents that neglect them or that they are crap parents. In fact, it's nothing like that. What is it like? Allow me to explain....
Kids do not have the part of their brain that aids with impulse control fully developed. In fact, it isn't fully developed until their 20s. This part of the brain, the frontal lobe, controls so much. Included in this list (but not the list in its entirety) is problem-solving, judgment, social behavior and sexual behavior. Just let that sink in for a moment. Essentially, the part that controls everything that will affect their social lives is not working in a conducive environment in their brain. They can't rush it. They can't fake it. It's anatomically underdeveloped until they reach their 20s.
Now think about every "bad kid" and what is being claimed about them. Most of those problems stem from some issue covered by what their frontal lobe does. Drug use starts with an impulsive decision. Risque sexual behavior starts with impulsive decisions. Negative social behavior starts with bad judgment and no problem-solving skills. The list goes on and on but it always comes back to the frontal lobe behaviors.
Let me ask you this: would you be upset if you gave a newly diagnosed diabetic a pixie stick and their blood sugar went bonkers? Of course you wouldn't. Maybe you'd be upset that they didn't tell you that they were diabetic. Maybe you'd be upset that they weren't keeping an eye on their blood sugar and you didn't know that they would react that way. You, likely, wouldn't be mad at them, though. Why? Because they can't adequately control their blood sugar. Anatomically speaking, their body can't adequately process it. If they're newly diagnosed, they are still new to learning the ins and outs of what they can and can't do.
Now apply that to kids. In the same way, kids are still learning the ins and outs of making good decisions, controlling their impulses, and so on. While parents are there to guide them, ultimately the kids have to learn the lessons.
That is not to say that kids shouldn't be disciplined and receive consequences. Of course they should. That's HOW they learn. Parents are supposed to put a system of rules and consequences (both good and bad) in place to help their child through their learning process. It's not a foolproof system and they will still make mistakes. That's why you have to be there to guide them through it and learn how to manage the situation the next time they face it. It's a skill that seems to be lacking among parents in this generation. I'm not blaming parents for a child's bad decision but I will, surely, say that the parents are responsible for providing the system of consequences that come with it. Your child's bad decisions don't make you a bad parent; your choice to not provide adequate consequences leaves some room for improvement.
Nonetheless, let me close with this. Bad decisions do not a "bad kid" make. "Bad kids" do not a bad parent make. Do your best to provide a network of positive and negative (as needed) consequences for behaviors that your child chooses. Start early and be consistent. Take a moment and be patient with the "bad kids" you're dealing with. Remember that not every parent will take on the concerned, responsible role that they should. Sometimes it takes a village and sometimes just being there for that "bad kid" and letting them know that YOU care enough to try to help them through this process will turn their behavior around. It's not a guarantee but it's definitely food for thought.
Kids do not have the part of their brain that aids with impulse control fully developed. In fact, it isn't fully developed until their 20s. This part of the brain, the frontal lobe, controls so much. Included in this list (but not the list in its entirety) is problem-solving, judgment, social behavior and sexual behavior. Just let that sink in for a moment. Essentially, the part that controls everything that will affect their social lives is not working in a conducive environment in their brain. They can't rush it. They can't fake it. It's anatomically underdeveloped until they reach their 20s.
Now think about every "bad kid" and what is being claimed about them. Most of those problems stem from some issue covered by what their frontal lobe does. Drug use starts with an impulsive decision. Risque sexual behavior starts with impulsive decisions. Negative social behavior starts with bad judgment and no problem-solving skills. The list goes on and on but it always comes back to the frontal lobe behaviors.
Let me ask you this: would you be upset if you gave a newly diagnosed diabetic a pixie stick and their blood sugar went bonkers? Of course you wouldn't. Maybe you'd be upset that they didn't tell you that they were diabetic. Maybe you'd be upset that they weren't keeping an eye on their blood sugar and you didn't know that they would react that way. You, likely, wouldn't be mad at them, though. Why? Because they can't adequately control their blood sugar. Anatomically speaking, their body can't adequately process it. If they're newly diagnosed, they are still new to learning the ins and outs of what they can and can't do.
Now apply that to kids. In the same way, kids are still learning the ins and outs of making good decisions, controlling their impulses, and so on. While parents are there to guide them, ultimately the kids have to learn the lessons.
That is not to say that kids shouldn't be disciplined and receive consequences. Of course they should. That's HOW they learn. Parents are supposed to put a system of rules and consequences (both good and bad) in place to help their child through their learning process. It's not a foolproof system and they will still make mistakes. That's why you have to be there to guide them through it and learn how to manage the situation the next time they face it. It's a skill that seems to be lacking among parents in this generation. I'm not blaming parents for a child's bad decision but I will, surely, say that the parents are responsible for providing the system of consequences that come with it. Your child's bad decisions don't make you a bad parent; your choice to not provide adequate consequences leaves some room for improvement.
Nonetheless, let me close with this. Bad decisions do not a "bad kid" make. "Bad kids" do not a bad parent make. Do your best to provide a network of positive and negative (as needed) consequences for behaviors that your child chooses. Start early and be consistent. Take a moment and be patient with the "bad kids" you're dealing with. Remember that not every parent will take on the concerned, responsible role that they should. Sometimes it takes a village and sometimes just being there for that "bad kid" and letting them know that YOU care enough to try to help them through this process will turn their behavior around. It's not a guarantee but it's definitely food for thought.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Teaching Kids About Fairness
"The only time you should look in someone else's bowl is to make sure they have enough."
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
I love this quote. I can't repeat it enough to my children.
We are raising our kids in a very entitled culture. They are being groomed from early preschool on to believe that everything needs to be fair. Parents are counting out Easter eggs before hunts to make sure that everyone gets the same amount of eggs. Moms are counting out goldfish to make sure that their children get an exact equal amount. People are expected to buy gifts for both the birthday child and their siblings. Kids are being taught that everything needs to be exactly the same and "fair."
Except that it's not.....
Life is not made up of fair situations. Fair is really quite relative in a vast majority of situations. Instead of counting out Easter eggs before to make sure that everyone gets exactly 10, maybe you should be teaching your child to look around and see if there is someone who's having a difficult time finding eggs and help them find some for their basket. Maybe instead of obsessing over the fact that their friend got three more goldfish, perhaps you should be teaching your child to be thankful that they were given such a fun snack. Instead of making everyone buy your child a gift even though it's not their birthday, maybe you should be teaching them that they can help make their sibling's day special by supporting them. No, they're not too young to understand (most of the time). They are never too young to begin to learn the concept of selflessness, even if they aren't mature enough to practice it yet.
We wonder why the world seems like such a selfish place yet we are grooming our children to believe that they are the center of the universe. We're so concerned with "hurt feelings" and "damaged psyche" that we're actually damaging them more, in the long run, by not preparing them for life. We don't want our first child to be "damaged emotionally" when they get a younger siblings so we overcompensate. Then, as their sibling gets older, we can't figure out why Big Sis is feeling resentment and anger that their extra privileges are now considered unnecessary.
Look, I understand that we all, as parents, want for our children to have a better life than we had. Maybe that means we do many things that our parents did for us and just add on. Maybe that means that we do the polar opposite of what our parents did. It's not a sin to want something better for your children but you need to decide if "better" just means that your child has more things or if "better" means your child gets more time and experiences with you and ultimately turns into a great person because of it. We need to start setting priorities for what "better" is and remember that once our children are grown and out of our house, the rest of the world has to live with them. Not only that, THEY have to know how to live with the rest of the world.
The other part of this statement is about teaching kids to mind their own business. We are so concerned with hurting our kids' feelings that we feel the need to explain everything. Kids are no longer allowed to be told that Mommy's talking to her friend; Mommy now has to explain everything she's talking about with her friend. No...just no. Kids DO have feelings and kids DO deserve explanations on a wide variety of topics but they also need to learn that not everything is their business. They need to learn to "worry about themselves." They need to learn that it's fine to worry about what someone else has IF you're intending to help but if they're concerned about whether or not it's "fair" or not, they need to mind their own business.
Take a step back, the next time you start to worry about what's fair and look at the big picture. What seems "unfair" may just be a good opportunity to teach your kids about life.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
A Small List of Things You Don't Have to Provide Your Children
As it seems that people are confused about what they "have" to provide to their children, I am going to provide you with a brief list of things you do NOT have to provide to your kids. I'd like to light the way on the path of truth and understanding on this topic that seems to be befuddling to some.
1. A car when they turn 16.
2. A down payment on their first home
3. A cell phone
4. A cell phone plan
5. An Ipad or comparable tablet
6. Designer shoes
7. Designer clothes
8. Unearned allowance (i.e. money they're given without chores being done)
9. Allowance of ANY kind
10. A TV in their bedroom
11. A TV in your car to entertain them while you drive
12. Your phone to watch when they're out and you need to entertain them
13. Your phone to watch at home
14. Happy Meals
15. Professionally done nails
16. An entire play room of toys
17. Every single day after school activities
18. Name brand cereal
19. Tickets to opening weekend of every single movie that comes out
20. ANYTHING when a tantrum is done to get it.
This is just a start but you get the idea. Your children are not entitled to these things. In fact, you are just encouraging the entitlement attitude when you give in to their every whim because you don't want to hear them cry. You are not REQUIRED to give them any of these things. Should you choose to do so, fine but please don't feel pressured.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Teach Your Children Manners
Today's post is going to be cut and dry. Teach your kids some manners. Don't rely on the schools; it's not their job. Don't rely on society; it's not their job. It's yours. Here are some of the most basic and overlooked manners in our society today.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
"Mean Kids"
If you ask my kids about "mean kids," they will likely roll their eyes and repeat the talk we've had a million times: "Mean kids are often the kids that need your kindness the most." It's a mantra we repeat over and over. It's kind of a nicer, simpler way of saying, "Kill em with kindness." It's something we talk about frequently for a number of reasons. I truly believe that about 90% of "mean kids" in elementary school (and sometimes beyond) are kids that have had some challenges. These challenges can range from lack of self confidence to abuse at home. In short, they aren't "mean", they're in need of kindness.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
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