Villains

Our nation is so quick to want to find a villain. It's obvious every time that something goes wrong.  A natural disaster happens and we are quick to blame the environment or an aid organization not coming quickly enough to help or a leader for not being on top of it.  A child dies in an unpreventable accident and we crucify the parent. A divorce happens and we want to pick a side so we can vilify the other side.  It's revolting, frankly.

At what point do we accept that bad things happen without a known cause sometimes?

We are not meant to control every aspect of our lives and when we try too hard to do that, God/The Universe has a way of letting you know that you're not in control.  If it's happening to someone else, know that you don't have to condemn them.  If it's happening to you, know that you're not alone.  If you find yourself making someone into a villain, stop and think:  what evidence do you have to support your claim?  If it's viable evidence from a truly credible neutral source, fine....  you still don't have the right to vilify them to others but you are free to hold the opinion yourself.  If it's not truly a viable NEUTRAL source, please consider exercising compassion.

We wonder why the rates of depression and such are so high?  Have we considered that our nation's attitude is a contributing factor to the problem?

Beauty Inside

There is beauty inside of everyone.  Literally every single person on the planet has some beauty inside of them.  "Well what about murderers, killers and dictators?"  Somewhere deep inside of them, they have it but it's been pushed down with emotional illness. Let's face it: the worst of the worst seldom, if ever, have simple lives that are all sunshine and roses.  Beauty is often pushed to the bottom of their personality and masked behind sociopathic tendencies.

But let's not focus on the worst of the worst....

Let's focus on that shy child that struggles to make friends.  They are beautiful.

Let's focus on the teenage girl that is embarrassed to go against the Kylie Jenner trend and cover up because she feels like her personality is more important.  She is beautiful.

Let's focus on that boy who just can't excel at sports and is picked on for his efforts.  He is beautiful.

Let's focus on that new mom that can't seem to make the transition through the emotional racetrack that is the post partum phase.  She is beautiful.

Let's focus on that man who stepped up to be a stepfather to children that weren't his and never even flinched.  He is beautiful.

Let's focus on that older grandparent whose grandchildren and children neglect to come and see them or even call.  They are beautiful.

There is beauty in all of us no matter how different we are.  Let's look for the beauty in someone else today...and then tell them how wonderful they are.  Spread some love.

You are Beautiful

You are beautiful.  Yes, you!  Don't let the world tell you what beautiful is.  Don't let the world tell you that the only "beautiful" women are the Kardashian wannabes.  Don't let the world tell you that your hair has to be straight or long or wavy or short.  Don't let the world tell you that you can't wear glasses.  Don't let the world tell you that can't dress a certain way if you want to be considered beautiful.  You are beautiful right where you're at.

Look in the mirror right now.  You were created to be exactly who you are and you are absolutely beautiful.  Believe it.  Tell yourself every day, ten times a day until you do.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  Know that you don't have to prove yourself.  You're amazing.  Your beauty runs so much deeper than skin, too.  You are beautiful to the depths of your soul.  You are kind and caring.  You are compassionate.  You are everything you need to be right now in your heart; it just has to shine through every day.

Each and every one of you....

Finding Your Strength

It's very easy to look down on someone because they're weak.  The truth is, though, that we're all weak sometimes.  We are just different kinds of weak.  I've said before, and I'll say again, that we are made to be part of something bigger.  We are made to fill in others' weaknesses with our strengths and vice versa.  It's easy to look at someone and say that they're weak but the truth is that they are just a different kind of weak than you are....and they could do the same thing to you later on.

Exercise encouragement as often as you can.  Tell the people around you what they're doing RIGHT instead of what they're doing wrong.  Show them kindness and compassion.  More than that, show them passion for helping THEM doing something great.  You will find your strength in helping others find theirs.

Talk to Your Opponent

I'm going to say something that might not be very popular.  I want you to take some time over the next couple of weeks to talk to someone that thinks very differently from you.  Maybe they're different politically.  Maybe it's spiritually.  Maybe it's a different parenting style.  Whatever the case may be, talk to someone who thinks very differently.  Listen, truly listen.  Don't listen to argue.  Listen to truly hear what their passion is on the topic

Why?

Because you don't know what truly know how to debate an issue without knowing what is on the other side.  Because you may change your perspective, whether that means you strengthen your argument for the same side or you change it for the other side.  Because you may find that just knowing what your differences are will make you realize that you're not that different at all. Because the more you hear about different stories and different perspectives, the more you may realize that life is about learning and loving.

Look, it might not change a thing about the way you view things.  Just give it a try.

Before You Judge, Talk...Learn

I keep seeing these posts basically calling people that say "all lives matter" jackasses and bigots.  Not all "All Lives Matter" people are jackasses and not all "Black Lives Matter" people are jackasses.  There are bad in both parties, just like everything else.  But today's post isn't about that....it's about racism.

Racism exists in this country and all over the world.  I truly believe this.  However, I don't believe that it exists only within certain color boundaries.  There are definitely white racists who hate blacks but there are also plenty of black racists that hate whites.  There are those that hate Hispanics, Asians, Middle Easterners, African Americans, Caucasians, Native Americans and everything in between.  You see, racism exists in all corners, hiding there like an elephant in the room we're not allowed to discuss.

For those of us that see beyond the color of other's skin, we can't comprehend why there is a need to specify which race matters.  You see, to us, every life matters regardless of color.  We don't judge others based on their skin color, cultural background, or anything else similar to it.  We value learning other people's experiences in life and we believe that variety is what makes this world so interesting.  We can't fathom why anyone would feel differently because we don't hold that hatred in our hearts.

It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?  It sounds like an excuse...it sounds that way because you've developed a mistrust....the same mistrust that leads others to fear movements that specify whose lives matter and whose don't.  Life's scary enough without everyone hating each other.

Before you judge EITHER movement, or rather before you judge the individual supporters, look at each one personally.  Don't be the jackass that generalizes and says, "Well if you support it, then..." because you don't know their motivation.  You don't know their heart.  Talk to them. Learn what their fears are, what their strengths are, what they love, what they're passionate about and how THEY want to change the world for the better.  The only way to fix what's wrong in this nation and this world is to work together for a greater cause.  Be the change you want to see.

Thursday inspiration

A little Thursday inspiration.....

Be kind, even when people don't deserve it. 
Be compassionate, even when you want to criticize.  Look at it from another angle and understand that they might be going through something.
Be patient, even when you're in a hurry.  
Be silly as often as you can.  Laughter is good for the soul.
Be the change you want to see for while you are changing the life of others, you are also changing your own.

A Bigger Plan

I don't understand a whole lot of things but I accept that about life.  I will never understand everything that goes on.  People will be assholes sometimes and there will be no explanation.  Other people will be so incredibly giving that you can't comprehend it and there will be no explanation.  People will hate for no reason that outsiders understand.  People will give a million second chances and choose to love for no reason that outsiders understand.  People who don't really deserve wealth will get it and those that work constantly and just as hard will get nothing.  Life is not fair and it's not always something we understand.  In fact, I've stopped trying to understand things that have no real explanation.

I believe that God has a plan.

Even when I don't understand it, I believe there's a bigger plan.  I believe that a whole lot of religions have similar theories but with different wording.  It might not be "God" but "nature" or "Mother Earth" or whoever.  There is a bigger plan.  Listen, we can work and work and work to do good things.  We can go to work every day, save money, and be a good person but bad stuff can still happen.  By the same token, we can be in the worst possible situation and something amazing will come out of it.  What we see, in our lives, is only a small piece of a huge puzzle.

So what do we do in the meantime?  Be compassionate.  Be kind.  Love, even when you don't understand.  Stop trying to create a divide; unite with your fellow man.  Don't give handouts, give a hand up.  Help others to stand on their own two feet and be proud of who they are.  Be proud of who YOU are.  Be the change you want to see.

Change Your Perspective

So "Chewbacca Mom" posted a video of her own personal arrangement of Michael Jackson's "Heal the World."  Honestly, I went into it skeptical.  I don't follow her and got ill of all the media hype surrounding her quite quickly that led to her charging for autographs.  That said, I viewed it and it was a beautiful and humbling reminder of exactly what our world needs.  You see, she has it right: we need to spread joy, not hate.

Here is a link to view her performance....
Chewbacca Mom sings "Heal the World"

In a world where we are so wrapped up in terrifying news on a daily basis, this really is what our world needs.  No, I'm not naive enough to believe that love and joy is the key to stopping terrorism.  I'm not naive enough to believe that love is all that's needed to fix everything...but it's a start.

My mantra lately has been "Be the Change You Want to See." (it's a portion of a quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi).  Joy won't fix everything but it won't hurt.  Joy won't heal everyone but if it heals just one person, isn't it worth it?  Joy won't stop hate but if it deters just one person from being hateful, isn't it worth it?  Paying it forward may not change the world but it might change the course of one person's day.  What do we achieve by spreading hate?

If you don't know where to start, start small.  Smile at strangers.  Compliment someone with a true compliment.  Tell your family you love them and how special they are to you.  Give a burger to a homeless person.  As you start to see that one tiny thing can change the course of a person's day, you'll want to do even more.  Your deeds will get bigger and bigger and soon, you'll be spreading the positivity to others too.

Change your perspective, change your life

The Dallas Shootings

There were 5 police officers killed and 6 injured last night in Dallas at a Black Lives Matter rally.  I am in shock and disbelief, literally on the verge of tears that these officers lost their lives just doing their job.  In fact, they were protecting the very people that shot them.  May God bless their families and the people of Dallas.

My God, what have we turned into?  What has our nation become?

I don't blame African Americans.  It is not all your fault.  Black lives DO matter; all lives do.  Every single life does.  I refuse to let this brew hatred in my heart.  You are in just as much shock as I am, maybe even more.

I don't blame the Black Lives Matter movement.  It's not all their fault.  Their message matters just as much as mine does.  They are angry, frustrated and confused.  But I refuse to believe that they are all responsible.  There were peaceful protests all over the nation last night by this movement that didn't end in gunfire.  You are in just as much shock as I am.

I don't blame protesters, in general.  It's not all their fault.  You have a voice and you deserve to be heard just as much as I do.  You are in just as much shock as I am.

Who do I blame?  These individuals that fired the shots.  A protest didn't make them shoot anyone.  A movement didn't make them shoot anyone.  They made a choice and I hope they suffer the full brunt of the punishment...not because of color or beliefs but because they murdered, in cold blood, another person.  They planned this.  They targeted specific individuals.  I hope each and every one of them are punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Please, please please educate yourself.  Don't lump all police officers in with a few bad eggs. I'm sure there are bad cops just like there's bad doctors, trash men, teachers and every other profession.  A vast majority of police officers are there to serve and protect.  They aren't worried about your color, religion, cultural background, or anything else.  They are worried about protecting you and making sure that you're safe.

Don't lump all incidents of police-involved shootings into the same category based on race, ignoring circumstances.  When a suspect clearly resists arrest, he/she is making a choice.  Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, whatever....when you resist arrest, you are putting an officer in a defensive position.

Don't lump all people of ANY race in together.  This is not black vs white.  This is not us vs them.  This is right vs wrong.   Please stop feeding into this media hubbub that is actually encouraging racism.

Stop this God-awful hatred that is being fed to us.  Really educate yourself.  Look at all the statistics, not just what the media wants you to see.  Look at all sides of the story, not just what the media wants you to see.  You can be angry but be angry at the right people.  Be angry at criminals, no matter what color.  Be angry at the people hellbent on creating and encouraging negativity in our nation.

You see, I don't believe that any life matters more than another.  I grieve for each innocent life lost.

Pray for our Nation.

Hate Breeds Hate; it will never change the world

One of the biggest things that I've had to learn in my adult years is that before I assume something based on limited information, I should research all sides of it.  It has led me to learn more about other cultures, religions, and people, in general.  I don't want to just assume because of what someone has told me.  I don't just want to form an opinion to be part of a crowd.  I want to learn about the differences that people have so that I can also find the things that we share.  Why is this so important to me?  Because.....

Hate will NEVER create more love; it only creates more hate.

In the vast majority of cases, hatred is caused by ignorance.  People don't care to educate themselves on something so they just choose to dislike it instead.  It's the adult equivalent of kids not wanting to eat their veggies: it's different and they assume they won't like it so they won't touch it.  We tend, as adults, to sometimes decide that we don't like something without even having all of the information.  We don't want to take the time to learn about it.  We feel like different is hard, different is bad.  We preach about changing the world but we forget that changing the world would require changes in ourselves and in our lives.....differences.

One of the biggest clashes of late seems to be religion (though this argument has been around since the dawn of time) or lack thereof.  It exists in all religions, to some extent.  After all religion is based on faith.  In short, you believe that what/who you worship will bring good things into your life.  You also believe, though, that every other religion has it wrong.  Some religions believe that all other religions are below them.  Some religions believe that we are all equal.  Some believe only believers will get into Heaven, some believe in only chosen people getting there, some believe that you have to earn your way there and some believe that there isn't an afterlife because of reincarnation. Every religion believes that they are the only one that is right.  Atheists believe there is no god.  Agnostics are unsure of the existence of God.

Then there are those of us that exist without specific religion.  I am a Christian and, yet, I don't particularly like the idea of organized religion because of how corrupt it has become.  I don't expect everyone to believe as I believe.  In fact, I believe that God speaks to different people in very different ways.  Why would he do that?  Simple...God created us to be such extraordinarily different people that he needs to speak to us in extraordinarily different ways.  I believe that it is much the same as how parents of multiple children have to encourage and discipline different kids.  You see, we all feel and express love a little bit differently.

Religious people can often have a tendency to be judgmental.  They blame it on a book or their belief system. If you do this, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion).  If you don't do that, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion).  Then, add in atheists and agnostics who love to sound off on whether or not you're a good enough Christian (for example) because you do or don't do this or that.  And what it all comes down to is ignorance.  None of us know enough to truly make a solid judgment.  We just don't.   All we are doing by spreading this judgement on whether a person or a religion is right or wrong is spreading hatred....making a bigger precipice to fall into.

What if we all just took the time to learn?  Instead of assuming that all Christians are this or all Muslims are that or all Buddhists are this way or all Jewish people are that way, what if we truly took the time to learn?  What if we immersed ourselves in learning?  What if we read what they read without assumptions?  What if we TALKED to people of that faith and learned about what they believe and what they practice?  What if we learned about their holidays and customs?  What if we learned about their stances on the very issues that we make assumptions on now?  What if we battled intolerance with education?  What if we stopped being ignorant and started being intelligent?

You see, we will never change the world by hiding in a hole, believing that we already have all of the information that we will ever need by the time we are adults. We will only change the world when we change ourselves and dedicate our lives to learning.

5 Things You Can Teach Your Child to Make Them a Better Person

There are 5 things I believe that you can teach your kids VERY young that will make all the difference in their social relationships as they grow.  We have no real control over what our children "become" as an adult but we can definitely impact their hearts and help them to be better people as they grow.

1.  Compassion: Some kids are more compassionate than others, by nature.  However, even those that aren't compassionate at their core can be taught some level of compassion.  Volunteer.  Do things that teach children that the world is bigger than their little bubble.  Teach them to try to help when they can.  Teach them to care when someone else hurts.

2.  Integrity.  Teach your children that it doesn't matter who's watching...it matters what you know in your heart.  Most of the time, kids know right from wrong, on some level.  The fact is that they are often "taught" by peers to hide things from adults and do wrong anyway.  Teach your children not only to do what's right at their core but to encourage others to do it too.

3.  Honesty.  Teach them that it's better to tell the truth than it is to lie.  Encourage them to understand that even if honesty gets them into a little bit of trouble, they'd be in more trouble if they lie.  Encourage them to understand that honesty breeds trust and trust is essential in almost every relationship you have.

4.  Personal responsibility.  This is a big one.  Instead of placing blame, accept the responsibility for what you've done wrong.  A good portion of our country's issues is lack of personal responsibility.  People seem to be more inclined to place blame and make excuses than they are to admit they've made a mistake.  Mistakes happen...you learn from them.  But, as Dr Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."

5.  Respect.  This can span a wide road.  Yes, it applies to manners.  Yes it applies to listening to teachers, etc.  But this also is about respecting themselves.  It's about respect others, in general.  It's about understanding that people will have different opinions.  It's understanding that others may choose a different lifestyle than you do and that's okay.  It's understanding that the choices people make aren't who they are (though that does not mean the choices are without consequence, in some cases).  It's about respect for life, as a whole.

These 5 things don't guarantee that someone will become a good person.  They don't guarantee that they'll make good choices or end up successful.  What it does guarantee is that this, combined with love, will get your child started on a great track.

"Mean Kids"

If you ask my kids about "mean kids," they will likely roll their eyes and repeat the talk we've had a million times: "Mean kids are often the kids that need your kindness the most."  It's a mantra we repeat over and over.  It's kind of a nicer, simpler way of saying, "Kill em with kindness."  It's something we talk about frequently for a number of reasons. I truly believe that about 90% of "mean kids" in elementary school (and sometimes beyond) are kids that have had some challenges.  These challenges can range from lack of self confidence to abuse at home.  In short, they aren't "mean", they're in need of kindness.

There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls.  We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior.  Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING.  An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.

When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers."  I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention.  They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it.  When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them.  When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with.  Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.

I encourage my kids to do the same.  I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies.  Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson.  2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want.  Either way, it's more about character.  I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching.  The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.

So what about the other 10%?  These are my undecided ones.  These are the kids I can't entirely explain.  Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison).  It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help.  It will feed their ego and make you seem weak.  What do I tell my kids about these circumstances?  Be nice anyway.  If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it.  What a silly thing to be teased about!

The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge.  Just one encouraging friend can make a difference.  Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives.  It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.