I hear people say all of the time (and am guilty myself of saying ) "You don't know what love is." We say it to teenagers constantly. They say, "I love you" to their boyfriends/girlfriends and we say, "You have NO idea what love even is." While I was discussing this the other day, though, I came to a different conclusion and I'd like to share a different perspective.
First of all, let me share that the conversation didn't take place with a bleeding heart teenage girl that claims to be desperately in love with her twenty five year old boyfriend. It was a conversation with an autistic child. The child was discussing the fact that they are always told that they don't understand feelings because they have a hard time reading social cues. He was telling me that he DOES understand feelings; he's still a person, but everyone assumes that he has no idea what emotion people are struggling with. He said that because he can't put those feelings into words, sometimes, schoolmates assume that he doesn't feel anything or, at the very least, doesn't feel things the way that they feel them. It was a heartwrenching but very, very real conversation. It affected me in so many ways but one of them was this very post.
I watch the teenage girls around me talk about how they are in love. I'm guilty of saying that they have no clue because they don't love how I love (or how adults, in general love) but that's not true. Teenagers DO know what love is. Love doesn't have some defined box that it fits into. Just because it's not the exact same experience that I feel or that my friends feel or that my grandfather and grandmother feel, it doesn't mean they don't know what love is. What I've started to say, instead, is this: "You have no idea how much your love grows as you get older." More often, though, I just say, "I'm so glad that you've found happiness." The reality is that their relationship may not last because their maturity level isn't there yet. Then again, that's true with some adults too. To say that they don't understand love or that they don't know what love is, though, just isn't accurate. It's just a different love.
Love can be between a man and a woman or people of the same sex.
Love can be between a biological parent and their child, an adopted parent and their child, a foster parent and their child.
Love can be between a married couple or an unmarried couple.
Love can be a biological grandparent or it can be a surrogate grandparent.
Love can be so many amazing things. It doesn't have to look the same in every person. In fact, it is SUPPOSED to look different because we're different people. Will the way we express and, even, feel love change as we get older? Of course. Everyone evolves over time. However, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist just because it's different than what we experience.
Showing posts with label #kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #kids. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Love to Learn
I, often, have people ask me how I managed to get my kids to like homework. The short answer is that they don't. They do, however, like LEARNING. Just because they're little geeks like their mama doesn't mean that they don't still have "kid issues."
In answering the real question here, though (how did I get them to like learning), the answer is simple. I encouraged their curiosity from the time they could talk. I encouraged them to wonder. I encouraged them to ask questions. I encouraged them to answer their own questions by learning how to look up information. If they couldn't find the answer in an encyclopedia, maybe they could find it in a non-fiction book or online (from a reputable site). Maybe their answer required them to try an experiment. Every answer they got sparked a new question and the cycle began again.
But how do I do it with my own child?
Well, I'll use the Olympics as an example. Find an activity that your child might enjoy in the Olympics. Maybe it's gymnastics or swimming or diving but maybe it's archery or some other sport. Whichever one it is, get it ready on the TV and then get some supplies together: a map (or IPad/Tablet with a world map pulled up), some paper and writing supplies, and a printoff OR tablet/laptop with the current medal count pulled up. As the athlete's come up, help your child find the country on the map, check out how many medals they have and watch the magic happen. Your child's imagination and natural curiosity will start in. Why do they only have one medal but other countries have 7? Maybe it's the size of the country and the population. How long have they been competing, as opposed to other countries? In the small countries, how many sports do they compete in? The list of questions will go on and on. You'll have an opportunity to teach your kids all sorts of neat information just from sitting and watching the Olympics.
This is just one example, though! There are so many opportunities to let your kids learn. When they start doing this, their natural curiosity is sparked and they want to learn even more. I didn't teach my kids to love homework; I taught them to love to LEARN!
In answering the real question here, though (how did I get them to like learning), the answer is simple. I encouraged their curiosity from the time they could talk. I encouraged them to wonder. I encouraged them to ask questions. I encouraged them to answer their own questions by learning how to look up information. If they couldn't find the answer in an encyclopedia, maybe they could find it in a non-fiction book or online (from a reputable site). Maybe their answer required them to try an experiment. Every answer they got sparked a new question and the cycle began again.
But how do I do it with my own child?
Well, I'll use the Olympics as an example. Find an activity that your child might enjoy in the Olympics. Maybe it's gymnastics or swimming or diving but maybe it's archery or some other sport. Whichever one it is, get it ready on the TV and then get some supplies together: a map (or IPad/Tablet with a world map pulled up), some paper and writing supplies, and a printoff OR tablet/laptop with the current medal count pulled up. As the athlete's come up, help your child find the country on the map, check out how many medals they have and watch the magic happen. Your child's imagination and natural curiosity will start in. Why do they only have one medal but other countries have 7? Maybe it's the size of the country and the population. How long have they been competing, as opposed to other countries? In the small countries, how many sports do they compete in? The list of questions will go on and on. You'll have an opportunity to teach your kids all sorts of neat information just from sitting and watching the Olympics.
This is just one example, though! There are so many opportunities to let your kids learn. When they start doing this, their natural curiosity is sparked and they want to learn even more. I didn't teach my kids to love homework; I taught them to love to LEARN!
Monday, August 8, 2016
5 Ways to Help Kids Stay Safe When They Go Back to School
The world is a crazy place nowadays and it's hard to know what to do with your kids. The fine line of balance between being overprotective and cautious is teetered daily. You want to make sure that you're allowing them to be kids but also want to make sure that they are safe from the nut bars that walk our streets on the regular. Back to school does not help. Here are 5 tips for attempting to keep your kids safe as the school year begins....
1. Phone Vigilance. This doesn't apply to everyone but here's the deal: Your kids playing Pokemon Go while they're walking to school are not paying attention. They aren't looking for cars coming at them but they're also not keep an eye out for the people around them. Yes, it's unlikely that they could get abducted in the twenty feet from your car at drop off to the playground but child predators are crafty and you don't want them to not be paying attention. Period. Teach them to keep the phones in their backpacks (on silent or off) from the minute they get to school. No game is more important than their safety and well-being. This also goes for checking your children's phones for chats and inappropriate pictures. Sext blackmail is a very real thing that predators use.
2. Be On Your Toes and Travel in Groups (when possible): I don't care if you live in the most ritzy neighborhood in the country, abductions are real. You may walk your kids to and from school and that's great but there are still field trips and other occasions where the kids are out and about. Make sure they are paying attention to their surroundings. Try to make sure that they're always traveling with others, as abductions are less likely when a child is with a group.
3. Talk to them about stranger danger. This sounds incredibly simple but it is lacking in a whole lot of families. Parents don't want to scare their kids. Parents want to keep their children in their safe little bubble. Unfortunately, though, it's a necessary evil to let your kids know that there are bad people in the world and they don't always look like they do in the movies. In fact, a whole lot of them look like very normal people. I like to recommend the video that was made by the creator of Baby Einstein and John Walsh. It's simple terminology but very clear. Teach your kids that strangers will say ANYTHING from lost puppies to you being hurt.
4. Establish a code word. Again, this may make you roll your eyes but can you guarantee that if your 5 year old would know what to do in a stranger situation, "Hey Katie. Mommy was in a terrible accident. Your dad asked me to come get you and take you to the hospital."...Guess what; research shows that a whole lot of "Katie's" are going to get in the car. Predators know how to play on the kids' emotions. Establish a word that ONLY you, your safe person (in case you're hurt or otherwise unavailable) and your kids know. Make sure they know not to tell ANYONE and to NEVER go with ANYONE unless they can tell you that word.
5. Don't put their names on things. I can't stress this enough. STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS' NAMES ON BACKPACKS AND CLOTHES. It's cute and "easy to identify" when they're all in a pile but it's also easy for child predators to say, "Hey Brandon, come here." Kids assume that adults that know their names know THEM. If you REALLY feel the need to put their name on their backpack for identification, put it on the area where the straps go. This makes certain that their name is not showing when they are out and about. Better yet, if you really need that outside "name", simply put their initials. It still allows easy identification but gives added protection from a predator being able to single them out.
It sucks that we have to worry about these things but we must be vigilant to attempt to protect our kids. Please share this info with your friends and make sure to practice it yourself to help in the fight to keep your little ones safe and sound.
1. Phone Vigilance. This doesn't apply to everyone but here's the deal: Your kids playing Pokemon Go while they're walking to school are not paying attention. They aren't looking for cars coming at them but they're also not keep an eye out for the people around them. Yes, it's unlikely that they could get abducted in the twenty feet from your car at drop off to the playground but child predators are crafty and you don't want them to not be paying attention. Period. Teach them to keep the phones in their backpacks (on silent or off) from the minute they get to school. No game is more important than their safety and well-being. This also goes for checking your children's phones for chats and inappropriate pictures. Sext blackmail is a very real thing that predators use.
2. Be On Your Toes and Travel in Groups (when possible): I don't care if you live in the most ritzy neighborhood in the country, abductions are real. You may walk your kids to and from school and that's great but there are still field trips and other occasions where the kids are out and about. Make sure they are paying attention to their surroundings. Try to make sure that they're always traveling with others, as abductions are less likely when a child is with a group.
3. Talk to them about stranger danger. This sounds incredibly simple but it is lacking in a whole lot of families. Parents don't want to scare their kids. Parents want to keep their children in their safe little bubble. Unfortunately, though, it's a necessary evil to let your kids know that there are bad people in the world and they don't always look like they do in the movies. In fact, a whole lot of them look like very normal people. I like to recommend the video that was made by the creator of Baby Einstein and John Walsh. It's simple terminology but very clear. Teach your kids that strangers will say ANYTHING from lost puppies to you being hurt.
4. Establish a code word. Again, this may make you roll your eyes but can you guarantee that if your 5 year old would know what to do in a stranger situation, "Hey Katie. Mommy was in a terrible accident. Your dad asked me to come get you and take you to the hospital."...Guess what; research shows that a whole lot of "Katie's" are going to get in the car. Predators know how to play on the kids' emotions. Establish a word that ONLY you, your safe person (in case you're hurt or otherwise unavailable) and your kids know. Make sure they know not to tell ANYONE and to NEVER go with ANYONE unless they can tell you that word.
5. Don't put their names on things. I can't stress this enough. STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS' NAMES ON BACKPACKS AND CLOTHES. It's cute and "easy to identify" when they're all in a pile but it's also easy for child predators to say, "Hey Brandon, come here." Kids assume that adults that know their names know THEM. If you REALLY feel the need to put their name on their backpack for identification, put it on the area where the straps go. This makes certain that their name is not showing when they are out and about. Better yet, if you really need that outside "name", simply put their initials. It still allows easy identification but gives added protection from a predator being able to single them out.
It sucks that we have to worry about these things but we must be vigilant to attempt to protect our kids. Please share this info with your friends and make sure to practice it yourself to help in the fight to keep your little ones safe and sound.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Review of the Dragon Boat Festival at Sloane's Lake
I attended the Dragon Boat Festival for the first time on Saturday. While we were only there for about 2.5 hours, I feel like I can give a relatively complete review on what I saw while I saw there. Here goes.....
Parking: I started with this because, well, it's the first thing you have to do. This was, perhaps, my only complaint. Parking was atrocious. Now I'd like to make a few points about it, though. 1-After we got in, we found out we could have gone to Sports Authority Field and shuttled in. I feel like this could have been better advertised but have a feeling that this would have made the parking situation more doable. 2-It's a festival and parking is expected to be wonky. 3-We went on a Saturday afternoon when, I'm guessing, there was a peak number of people. With that said, I think there should be handicapped options available (or better advertised if they already are). I'm betting if we'd have gotten there first thing in the morning, there would have been more available parking.
Staff: All of the staff that we encountered were great. It was watched over carefully by the police and security. There was a first aid tent that was located in a convenient location. No complaints, for sure.
Food/Drink: I have to say, this was one of the widest varieties I've seen at an event recently. They passed on some of the traditional carnival/fair food to have a more complete array of appetizing food. There were still funnel cakes and berry kabobs but there was also chicken teriyaki and wobbly coconut drinks. The food is still "fair" prices, though, so bring your pocketbook...and bring cash.
Vendors: I was actually pretty impressed with the level of merchandise they had. Instead of it just being tent after tent of Mary Kay, essential oils sold from home, and other work from home businesses, there were many hand made and unique options. There was a massage tent as well as some tents from Denver's Fox channel and Comedy 103.5.
Entertainment: We got to watch only a portion of the entertainment but it was definitely very neat. The martial arts demonstrations were incredible. The dragon "dances" (as I don't know what they're called) were absolutely amazing to watch. It was a tiny step into a beautiful culture.
Favorites.....
Disciples of Funk were one of my favorites. They were energetic and had so much pop in their step. As a dancer, myself, I love to watch performances and their creativity and funk were enough to get everyone's attention. We were able to watch their performance of dances through the 80s and 90s. The neatest part was that they would show the dances (for those that didn't know how) and encouraged people to join in! Here is a link to their facebook page: Disciples of Funk
My other favorite was the AARP lip sync/karaoke tent. We stood outside this tent over and over singing along with "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Shake it Off", "Let it Go" and other memorable tunes. It was a fun and goofy way to entertain a crowd!
Recommendations: Come early for good parking. Bring cash as most of the vendors don't accept credit cards (at least the ones we visited). Sunscreen, Sunscreen, Sunscreen! (I can't stress this enough with the Denver sun and hot weather) Either bring a parasol/umbrella or find shade regularly and STAY HYDRATED! Have fun!
Parking: I started with this because, well, it's the first thing you have to do. This was, perhaps, my only complaint. Parking was atrocious. Now I'd like to make a few points about it, though. 1-After we got in, we found out we could have gone to Sports Authority Field and shuttled in. I feel like this could have been better advertised but have a feeling that this would have made the parking situation more doable. 2-It's a festival and parking is expected to be wonky. 3-We went on a Saturday afternoon when, I'm guessing, there was a peak number of people. With that said, I think there should be handicapped options available (or better advertised if they already are). I'm betting if we'd have gotten there first thing in the morning, there would have been more available parking.
Staff: All of the staff that we encountered were great. It was watched over carefully by the police and security. There was a first aid tent that was located in a convenient location. No complaints, for sure.
Food/Drink: I have to say, this was one of the widest varieties I've seen at an event recently. They passed on some of the traditional carnival/fair food to have a more complete array of appetizing food. There were still funnel cakes and berry kabobs but there was also chicken teriyaki and wobbly coconut drinks. The food is still "fair" prices, though, so bring your pocketbook...and bring cash.
Vendors: I was actually pretty impressed with the level of merchandise they had. Instead of it just being tent after tent of Mary Kay, essential oils sold from home, and other work from home businesses, there were many hand made and unique options. There was a massage tent as well as some tents from Denver's Fox channel and Comedy 103.5.
Entertainment: We got to watch only a portion of the entertainment but it was definitely very neat. The martial arts demonstrations were incredible. The dragon "dances" (as I don't know what they're called) were absolutely amazing to watch. It was a tiny step into a beautiful culture.
Favorites.....
Disciples of Funk were one of my favorites. They were energetic and had so much pop in their step. As a dancer, myself, I love to watch performances and their creativity and funk were enough to get everyone's attention. We were able to watch their performance of dances through the 80s and 90s. The neatest part was that they would show the dances (for those that didn't know how) and encouraged people to join in! Here is a link to their facebook page: Disciples of Funk
My other favorite was the AARP lip sync/karaoke tent. We stood outside this tent over and over singing along with "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Shake it Off", "Let it Go" and other memorable tunes. It was a fun and goofy way to entertain a crowd!
Recommendations: Come early for good parking. Bring cash as most of the vendors don't accept credit cards (at least the ones we visited). Sunscreen, Sunscreen, Sunscreen! (I can't stress this enough with the Denver sun and hot weather) Either bring a parasol/umbrella or find shade regularly and STAY HYDRATED! Have fun!
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Review of "Sand in the City" in Arvada, CO
Yesterday, I attended the Arvada "Sand in the City" Festival in Arvada, CO. Overall, it didn't live up to my expectations but I tend to think that it's because I wasn't sure what to expect. It was still a nice little festival. Here are my thoughts.....
*Inexpensive entry: It was $5 for adults (13+) and free for kids 12 and under. A percentage of the proceeds went to the Jeffco School system. This was a MAJOR plus for me on both accounts. Most of the "fun" was included in the $5 which makes it cheap, easy entertainment.....affordable entertainment is very, very nice.
*Vast array of local vendors for food, drinks and craft beer: Again, pretty affordable overall and a great assortment. They had everything from barbecue to spicy sausages to homemade ice cream and everything in between. Very, very impressed.
*Vendor tents: I was very impressed with the vendor tents as well. They were all well-arranged and the folks in them were incredibly friendly. My favorite happened to be the airbrushed tattoos. The gentleman inside was extremely pleasant and the tattoos were very affordable.
*Entertainment: The band playing when we were there were truly great. There was a big open area to spread out and watch them. I recommend making sure to bring a big umbrella, canopy, etc to make sure that you can stay shaded. If your kids are old enough and you feel comfortable with it, you can stretch out and let them just check in after the other fun stuff. What other fun stuff? Bouncehouses, inflatable hamster balls, bouncy slides, and more. Be prepared for LONNNNNNNG lines. Even to get face painting done, there was an incredibly long line which made the airbrushed tattoos all the more worth it.
*Sand sculptures: Okay so this is where my expectations were a bit skewed. I expected there to be sand everywhere...a ton of sculptures. There were nine total. While that was strictly my overly excited expectation, it kind of skews the theme of "Sand in the City" when there are only nine sand sculptures. It could have more easily been called "Beer and Brats in the City" for the sake of accuracy. With that said, the sand sculptures were absolutely incredible. With themes from "animals" to "minions" to "the three little pigs" with some "dragons" in between, it was absolutely amazing. My personal favorite happened to be a dragon on a castle with glittery purple and green scales built in. Hopefully another year there will be more of them.
Overall, I'd say that it's WELL worth the money to go and attend. If you have very young children, my recommendation is to be prepared to prioritize because the lines will be long for entertainment. If you have older children that are able to explore a bit "on their own" within the confines of the fair, bring something to shade yourself and enjoy the entertainment while they go and explore the inflatables and long lines. I will be returning next year with different expectations but no less impressed with the beautiful sculptures!
*Inexpensive entry: It was $5 for adults (13+) and free for kids 12 and under. A percentage of the proceeds went to the Jeffco School system. This was a MAJOR plus for me on both accounts. Most of the "fun" was included in the $5 which makes it cheap, easy entertainment.....affordable entertainment is very, very nice.
*Vast array of local vendors for food, drinks and craft beer: Again, pretty affordable overall and a great assortment. They had everything from barbecue to spicy sausages to homemade ice cream and everything in between. Very, very impressed.
*Vendor tents: I was very impressed with the vendor tents as well. They were all well-arranged and the folks in them were incredibly friendly. My favorite happened to be the airbrushed tattoos. The gentleman inside was extremely pleasant and the tattoos were very affordable.
*Entertainment: The band playing when we were there were truly great. There was a big open area to spread out and watch them. I recommend making sure to bring a big umbrella, canopy, etc to make sure that you can stay shaded. If your kids are old enough and you feel comfortable with it, you can stretch out and let them just check in after the other fun stuff. What other fun stuff? Bouncehouses, inflatable hamster balls, bouncy slides, and more. Be prepared for LONNNNNNNG lines. Even to get face painting done, there was an incredibly long line which made the airbrushed tattoos all the more worth it.
*Sand sculptures: Okay so this is where my expectations were a bit skewed. I expected there to be sand everywhere...a ton of sculptures. There were nine total. While that was strictly my overly excited expectation, it kind of skews the theme of "Sand in the City" when there are only nine sand sculptures. It could have more easily been called "Beer and Brats in the City" for the sake of accuracy. With that said, the sand sculptures were absolutely incredible. With themes from "animals" to "minions" to "the three little pigs" with some "dragons" in between, it was absolutely amazing. My personal favorite happened to be a dragon on a castle with glittery purple and green scales built in. Hopefully another year there will be more of them.
Overall, I'd say that it's WELL worth the money to go and attend. If you have very young children, my recommendation is to be prepared to prioritize because the lines will be long for entertainment. If you have older children that are able to explore a bit "on their own" within the confines of the fair, bring something to shade yourself and enjoy the entertainment while they go and explore the inflatables and long lines. I will be returning next year with different expectations but no less impressed with the beautiful sculptures!
Thursday, May 26, 2016
"Mean Kids"
If you ask my kids about "mean kids," they will likely roll their eyes and repeat the talk we've had a million times: "Mean kids are often the kids that need your kindness the most." It's a mantra we repeat over and over. It's kind of a nicer, simpler way of saying, "Kill em with kindness." It's something we talk about frequently for a number of reasons. I truly believe that about 90% of "mean kids" in elementary school (and sometimes beyond) are kids that have had some challenges. These challenges can range from lack of self confidence to abuse at home. In short, they aren't "mean", they're in need of kindness.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls. We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior. Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING. An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.
When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers." I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention. They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it. When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them. When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with. Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.
I encourage my kids to do the same. I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies. Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson. 2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want. Either way, it's more about character. I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching. The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.
So what about the other 10%? These are my undecided ones. These are the kids I can't entirely explain. Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison). It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help. It will feed their ego and make you seem weak. What do I tell my kids about these circumstances? Be nice anyway. If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it. What a silly thing to be teased about!
The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge. Just one encouraging friend can make a difference. Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives. It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.
Participation Awards
I keep seeing posts about it being awards season and the fact that everyone should get an award. I have really mixed feelings about this. Allow me to explain......
I, first, want to address the parents of kids that have challenges. I'm not just referring to "diagnosed" challenges. I'm referring to any kind of challenges from having a hard time learning to ride a bike to just being painfully shy. Kids can be ruthless. I understand how hard it is for some of these kids to watch their classmates get awards for being the best at this or the best at that. Meanwhile they sit by and feel like they have this greatness inside them but there are hurdles to them being able to let it out. My son went through years of doing wonderful in school but having a whole lot of sad days over kids treating him like garbage for having challenges. In those years, I wished there would have been an award for effort. I wished there would have been an award for every day he tried so hard to make a friend. I wished there would have been an award for how hard he worked to learn to ride his bike or tie his shoes. I was so sad for him.
Now that he's overcome so many obstacles, I'm thankful...and so is he. We talked about this yesterday when his "moving up" ceremony happened (moving to junior high) and he said that he was thankful for those challenges because they made him who he is. Every time he didn't get an award, it made him work harder. He didn't feel bad about himself because he had a great support system of family, teachers and staff letting him know that he was wonderful and to keep plugging away. He knew he was an amazing kid and that, eventually, if he kept working hard, he would have his chance to shine. This year has been a year to shine for him. He had honor roll the whole year. He got awards for being a great kid. He was bragged on and told how wonderful he was on the daily by a great teacher. For all the challenging years, he had an amazing year this year that made up for everything and let him shine.
We've discussed that not every year will be like this. We've discussed that starting junior high might mean all new challenges. We've discussed how other people might get some awards again. The important thing is that he "gets" it. He understands that working toward a goal will eventually result in an "award." Some of the "awards" might be a certificate or a scholarship. Some of them might just be a teacher who makes a huge deal about how great you are. He understands that he is not defined by a piece of paper or by a scholarship; he is defined by who he is as a person.
So, while I appreciate the struggle, I stand firm to the fact that we shouldn't give awards to everyone. Our job is to teach our kids about the real world and the real world doesn't give out awards to everyone. You don't get a gold medal simply for participating in the Olympics. There will always be a time when someone is better than you at something. There will, also, be times to teach others who aren't at your level....and that is just as important. We need to teach our kids to define themselves by something more than paper. It's not about impressing other kids or impressing a bunch of parents at an assembly...it's about impressing YOURSELF and doing the best that you can do. Eventually, their efforts will be recognized.
I, first, want to address the parents of kids that have challenges. I'm not just referring to "diagnosed" challenges. I'm referring to any kind of challenges from having a hard time learning to ride a bike to just being painfully shy. Kids can be ruthless. I understand how hard it is for some of these kids to watch their classmates get awards for being the best at this or the best at that. Meanwhile they sit by and feel like they have this greatness inside them but there are hurdles to them being able to let it out. My son went through years of doing wonderful in school but having a whole lot of sad days over kids treating him like garbage for having challenges. In those years, I wished there would have been an award for effort. I wished there would have been an award for every day he tried so hard to make a friend. I wished there would have been an award for how hard he worked to learn to ride his bike or tie his shoes. I was so sad for him.
Now that he's overcome so many obstacles, I'm thankful...and so is he. We talked about this yesterday when his "moving up" ceremony happened (moving to junior high) and he said that he was thankful for those challenges because they made him who he is. Every time he didn't get an award, it made him work harder. He didn't feel bad about himself because he had a great support system of family, teachers and staff letting him know that he was wonderful and to keep plugging away. He knew he was an amazing kid and that, eventually, if he kept working hard, he would have his chance to shine. This year has been a year to shine for him. He had honor roll the whole year. He got awards for being a great kid. He was bragged on and told how wonderful he was on the daily by a great teacher. For all the challenging years, he had an amazing year this year that made up for everything and let him shine.
We've discussed that not every year will be like this. We've discussed that starting junior high might mean all new challenges. We've discussed how other people might get some awards again. The important thing is that he "gets" it. He understands that working toward a goal will eventually result in an "award." Some of the "awards" might be a certificate or a scholarship. Some of them might just be a teacher who makes a huge deal about how great you are. He understands that he is not defined by a piece of paper or by a scholarship; he is defined by who he is as a person.
So, while I appreciate the struggle, I stand firm to the fact that we shouldn't give awards to everyone. Our job is to teach our kids about the real world and the real world doesn't give out awards to everyone. You don't get a gold medal simply for participating in the Olympics. There will always be a time when someone is better than you at something. There will, also, be times to teach others who aren't at your level....and that is just as important. We need to teach our kids to define themselves by something more than paper. It's not about impressing other kids or impressing a bunch of parents at an assembly...it's about impressing YOURSELF and doing the best that you can do. Eventually, their efforts will be recognized.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Things My Kids Argue About
Everyone is always complaining about their kids arguing. Now I'm blessed enough that mine argue less than some siblings, for sure. That said, as they enter their teenage years it's more prevalent than it used to be. For those that don't have children, read up; because this is the types of things that kids argue about and what you can expect from your future children (should you choose to have them). For those that have kids, you will totally get this.....
Things my kids argue about (true story).....
Who farted
Who touched the remote last / who lost the remote
Who left the light on
Who needs to get up to turn the aforementioned light off
Who cleaned the most of their room
Whose spot is whose on the sofa
Where they want to eat for dinner
What color the sky is....no seriously, they fight over this
Whether all buttholes are the same size
Whether or not sheep feel pain when they get sheared
Whether or not pigs would eat bacon (since they're known for eating almost anything)
Who gets dressed the fastest
Whether it's geeks or nerds rule the world
Whether arm pit hair stinks more than butt hair
If someone's sweat can smell worse than someone else's
Whether or not there will ever be boob fat or butt fat transplants to give people with flat chests or butts the option to get part of someone else's
Whether or not Pluto is a planet (though this is a valid argument for me)
If aliens exist
If Bigfoot exists
If the Loch ness monster exists
Whether or not Freddy Krueger can get into people's heads that don't dream at night
If Rocky Road ice cream is SOOOOOOO gross
If you can die of a broken heart
If you can die from a broken butt
If a broken butt is possible
This list could go on all day but it definitely makes me laugh when I think about some of their arguments. Kids are funny creatures and siblings make it even more fun.
Happy Friday.
Things my kids argue about (true story).....
Who farted
Who touched the remote last / who lost the remote
Who left the light on
Who needs to get up to turn the aforementioned light off
Who cleaned the most of their room
Whose spot is whose on the sofa
Where they want to eat for dinner
What color the sky is....no seriously, they fight over this
Whether all buttholes are the same size
Whether or not sheep feel pain when they get sheared
Whether or not pigs would eat bacon (since they're known for eating almost anything)
Who gets dressed the fastest
Whether it's geeks or nerds rule the world
Whether arm pit hair stinks more than butt hair
If someone's sweat can smell worse than someone else's
Whether or not there will ever be boob fat or butt fat transplants to give people with flat chests or butts the option to get part of someone else's
Whether or not Pluto is a planet (though this is a valid argument for me)
If aliens exist
If Bigfoot exists
If the Loch ness monster exists
Whether or not Freddy Krueger can get into people's heads that don't dream at night
If Rocky Road ice cream is SOOOOOOO gross
If you can die of a broken heart
If you can die from a broken butt
If a broken butt is possible
This list could go on all day but it definitely makes me laugh when I think about some of their arguments. Kids are funny creatures and siblings make it even more fun.
Happy Friday.
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