"Mean Kids"

If you ask my kids about "mean kids," they will likely roll their eyes and repeat the talk we've had a million times: "Mean kids are often the kids that need your kindness the most."  It's a mantra we repeat over and over.  It's kind of a nicer, simpler way of saying, "Kill em with kindness."  It's something we talk about frequently for a number of reasons. I truly believe that about 90% of "mean kids" in elementary school (and sometimes beyond) are kids that have had some challenges.  These challenges can range from lack of self confidence to abuse at home.  In short, they aren't "mean", they're in need of kindness.

There are videos circulating of parents encouraging their kids to fight, particularly young girls.  We teach our girls to be "empowered" (which is fantastic) but forget to teach them that empowerment doesn't mean rude, overpowering, bitchy behavior.  Empowered is about finding the greatness within them and knowing that they can do ANYTHING.  An empowered woman who is still confident enough to be compassionate, kind, and loving is a force to be reckoned with.

When I work with kids, I often seek out the kids that are the "trouble makers."  I'm drawn to them and I believe it's for a simple reason: most of the time, their "troublesome" behavior is just a cry for attention.  They're really smart, wonderful children but they're struggling with a challenge and they're not sure how to overcome it.  When you work with them and help them find the greatness within them, it's like a whole new world to them.  When you allow them to blossom into what they were meant to be, they become a force to be reckoned with.  Virtually every one of them wants to help someone ELSE find their greatness after that.

I encourage my kids to do the same.  I teach them to be kind and compassionate to bullies.  Often, one of two things will happen: 1- If the bully just needs a friend, they will stop their harsh behavior and learn a lesson.  2-The bully will lose interest because they're not getting the reaction they want.  Either way, it's more about character.  I try to teach them that they need to be a good person no matter who's watching, or not watching.  The world will reward them for being kind and compassionate.

So what about the other 10%?  These are my undecided ones.  These are the kids I can't entirely explain.  Most often, I find that they have an older sibling or parent that acts like a bully themselves and they learn this behavior (think O'Doyle in "Billy Madison).  It's not that they can't be treated with compassion; it's just that the compassion won't always help.  It will feed their ego and make you seem weak.  What do I tell my kids about these circumstances?  Be nice anyway.  If they want to make fun of you for being nice, so be it.  What a silly thing to be teased about!

The lesson in all of this is that not every child gets the same encouragement at home. Some act out in school, etc because they don't have the social skills to understand how to express this challenge.  Just one encouraging friend can make a difference.  Just one person to stand up and be kind in the face of a "mean kid" might make the difference in their lives.  It teaches both parties an important lesson and it might just change the world.