I have a whole lot of people ask me about how my kids behave toward each other. In short, our getting along to argument ratio is about 75-25 now that they're teenagers. How? How do I get them to get along? The answer is that I don't. There are some general "Heather rules" about siblings....
Number of Kids:
If you have two kids, you're going to likely have two completely opposite children. If one is more calm, the other will be more outgoing. If one is stubborn and willful, you'll likely end up with one that is more easy-going.
If you have three kids, expect that your third one will be the one that throws you for a loop. That could be really good or really bad. Either it's gonna be an angel after two devious ones or a devious ones after two angels.
If you have four kids, all bets are off.
Respecting birth order:
Learn to channel their positive characteristics from their birth order. First children are often bossy, particularly girls. Channel it into something positive. Youngest children are often incredibly creative, channel it.
How close together you have them:
Now this is a catch-22. Having them super close together is intense sometimes but my kids get along so much better because of it. On the other hand, a whole lot of families that have kids spaced about 3.5-5 years apart end up with kids that fight constantly. It seems strange because you think that waiting until they're "old enough to accept a sibling" makes it easier...in this case, experience tells me that it doesn't work that way. On the other hand, larger gaps such as 10+ years can often work to your advantage.
Mutual Respect Rule:
If you teach them from a young age to have mutual respect for each other, it seems to reflect well on them. Period.
There are no guarantees in life but rest assured, there is probably some unresearched science on the best timing to have your kids spaced out.
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