10 Things You Have to Know When Raising Kids

1.  Boys will dedicate painstaking effort toward accuracy in aiming their sniper rifle in their Xbox games but absolutely no effort to aiming at the very large toilet bowl opening. Urine everywhere....seriously.

2. Girls can find a reason to be pissy about anything....including doing them a favor when their mood isn't right.

3.  Children cannot see anything on the floor in main areas of the house, which is why they will step over it a million times without picking it up; therefore, it is safe to leave candy stashes on the floor in the main areas.

4.  Children develop an inability to use their knees to slowly sit as they hit the double digits which is why they are constantly plopping on furniture; therefore they are often safer on beanbag chairs and floors.

5.  The same child that gets grossed out from the texture of hummus will not cease to gross you out by wiggling their loose tooth that is hanging by a thread in their mouth.

6.  While children do not cease to test your ability to sleep soundly by asking if you're awake regularly, they do not appreciate when you test their ability to sleep soundly by vacuuming under their loft bed while they're napping.

7.  They also do not appreciate when you use the vacuum attachment to suck up the pillowcase of the pillow they're sleeping on while they're napping....or when you suck up the socks on their feet....allegedly....or something.

8.  Children will want nothing to do with talking to you when they're playing until you start watching a tv show, try to go to the bathroom, or pick up the phone.

9.  The weather and traffic times on the news are like homing beacons to children who need to tell you something right now....and it usually isn't relevant information.

10.  iChildren will "forget" a million times to do their chores but will not EVER forget the time you said that you MIGHT take them to the movie sometime a couple of years from now...... maybe means "yes"....sorry