10 Things I Can Now Do From the Toilet Since Having Kids

To lighten the mood a bit, I'd like to present the 10 things I, now, know I am capable of doing thanks to trying to use the bathroom as a mom....

1.  Manage a small country.  If I can handle the quarreling squibble squabble of four siblings in the prime of their fussy years, I am relatively certain I could manage a small country from my own personal porcelain throne.

2.  Write an instruction manual.  Inevitably, I'm asked questions that require detailed descriptions, which have taught me that I am quite capable of writing an instruction manual for nearly anything from the comfort of my booty box.

3.  Interrogate a witness.  If you've ever heard a crash while you're in the middle of pooping, you know exactly what I mean...."what was that noise? okay what were YOU doing when it happened..." all from the safety  of the dump tank.

4.  Be a traveling make up artist....because, let's face it, we're ALWAYS multi tasking as moms and sometimes you gotta cram in putting on your makeup while you're using the potty.  I'm very capable of applying a full face of makeup with nothing but a tiny compact mirror in under 3 minutes while I pee.

5.  Aid an expert composer in decoding a symphony.  I know every sound I hear behind that door and I'm an expert at decoding what they're into now.  I can hear a candy wrapper from another floor.

6.  Serve as a human lie detector.  "Are you playing on your phone?" "Noooooo" "S, are you SURE you wanna lie to me?"  "I was playing on my phone, I'll put it away."  Mic drop.

7.  Scrub the toothpaste from the sink.  Now, this has only worked for me because I have small homes that have sinks right next to the toilet.  Let's face it, if I'm sitting there, I may as well do SOMETHING productive, right?

8.  Creatively assess at least ten new nicknames for my son based on the fact that he canNOT stop peeing on the toilet seat.  I'm thinking this would be helpful to the CIA to help them establish code names for undercover operations.  Enter Operation Sprinkle McTinkle.

9.  Nap.  Okay I haven't REALLY figured this one out yet but I'm relatively certain that I might one day be able to achieve a quick power nap while I poo.

10.  Maintain my sanity.  That couple of minutes of quiet is so exactly what I need sometimes.  My sanity is maintained and everyone survives outside the bathroom....even if they are waiting like alley cats at a dumpster when I get out.