Hate Breeds Hate; it will never change the world

One of the biggest things that I've had to learn in my adult years is that before I assume something based on limited information, I should research all sides of it.  It has led me to learn more about other cultures, religions, and people, in general.  I don't want to just assume because of what someone has told me.  I don't just want to form an opinion to be part of a crowd.  I want to learn about the differences that people have so that I can also find the things that we share.  Why is this so important to me?  Because.....

Hate will NEVER create more love; it only creates more hate.

In the vast majority of cases, hatred is caused by ignorance.  People don't care to educate themselves on something so they just choose to dislike it instead.  It's the adult equivalent of kids not wanting to eat their veggies: it's different and they assume they won't like it so they won't touch it.  We tend, as adults, to sometimes decide that we don't like something without even having all of the information.  We don't want to take the time to learn about it.  We feel like different is hard, different is bad.  We preach about changing the world but we forget that changing the world would require changes in ourselves and in our lives.....differences.

One of the biggest clashes of late seems to be religion (though this argument has been around since the dawn of time) or lack thereof.  It exists in all religions, to some extent.  After all religion is based on faith.  In short, you believe that what/who you worship will bring good things into your life.  You also believe, though, that every other religion has it wrong.  Some religions believe that all other religions are below them.  Some religions believe that we are all equal.  Some believe only believers will get into Heaven, some believe in only chosen people getting there, some believe that you have to earn your way there and some believe that there isn't an afterlife because of reincarnation. Every religion believes that they are the only one that is right.  Atheists believe there is no god.  Agnostics are unsure of the existence of God.

Then there are those of us that exist without specific religion.  I am a Christian and, yet, I don't particularly like the idea of organized religion because of how corrupt it has become.  I don't expect everyone to believe as I believe.  In fact, I believe that God speaks to different people in very different ways.  Why would he do that?  Simple...God created us to be such extraordinarily different people that he needs to speak to us in extraordinarily different ways.  I believe that it is much the same as how parents of multiple children have to encourage and discipline different kids.  You see, we all feel and express love a little bit differently.

Religious people can often have a tendency to be judgmental.  They blame it on a book or their belief system. If you do this, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion).  If you don't do that, you're not a good enough (fill in the blank with the religion).  Then, add in atheists and agnostics who love to sound off on whether or not you're a good enough Christian (for example) because you do or don't do this or that.  And what it all comes down to is ignorance.  None of us know enough to truly make a solid judgment.  We just don't.   All we are doing by spreading this judgement on whether a person or a religion is right or wrong is spreading hatred....making a bigger precipice to fall into.

What if we all just took the time to learn?  Instead of assuming that all Christians are this or all Muslims are that or all Buddhists are this way or all Jewish people are that way, what if we truly took the time to learn?  What if we immersed ourselves in learning?  What if we read what they read without assumptions?  What if we TALKED to people of that faith and learned about what they believe and what they practice?  What if we learned about their holidays and customs?  What if we learned about their stances on the very issues that we make assumptions on now?  What if we battled intolerance with education?  What if we stopped being ignorant and started being intelligent?

You see, we will never change the world by hiding in a hole, believing that we already have all of the information that we will ever need by the time we are adults. We will only change the world when we change ourselves and dedicate our lives to learning.

Participation Awards

I keep seeing posts about it being awards season and the fact that everyone should get an award.  I have really mixed feelings about this.  Allow me to explain......

I, first, want to address the parents of kids that have challenges.  I'm not just referring to "diagnosed" challenges.  I'm referring to any kind of challenges from having a hard time learning to ride a bike to just being painfully shy.  Kids can be ruthless.  I understand how hard it is for some of these kids to watch their classmates get awards for being the best at this or the best at that.  Meanwhile they sit by and feel like they have this greatness inside them but there are hurdles to them being able to let it out. My son went through years of doing wonderful in school but having a whole lot of sad days over kids treating him like garbage for having challenges.  In those years, I wished there would have been an award for effort.  I wished there would have been an award for every day he tried so hard to make a friend.  I wished there would have been an award for how hard he worked to learn to ride his bike or tie his shoes.  I was so sad for him.

Now that he's overcome so many obstacles, I'm thankful...and so is he.  We talked about this yesterday when his "moving up" ceremony happened (moving to junior high) and he said that he was thankful for those challenges because they made him who he is.  Every time he didn't get an award, it made him work harder.  He didn't feel bad about himself because he had a great support system of family, teachers and staff letting him know that he was wonderful and to keep plugging away.  He knew he was an amazing kid and that, eventually, if he kept working hard, he would have his chance to shine.  This year has been a year to shine for him.  He had honor roll the whole year.  He got awards for being a great kid.  He was bragged on and told how wonderful he was on the daily by a great teacher.  For all the challenging years, he had an amazing year this year that made up for everything and let him shine.

We've discussed that not every year will be like this.  We've discussed that starting junior high might mean all new challenges.  We've discussed how other people might get some awards again.  The important thing is that he "gets" it.  He understands that working toward a goal will eventually result in an "award."  Some of the "awards" might be a certificate or a scholarship.  Some of them might just be a teacher who makes a huge deal about how great you are.  He understands that he is not defined by a piece of paper or by a scholarship; he is defined by who he is as a person.

So, while I appreciate the struggle, I stand firm to the fact that we shouldn't give awards to everyone. Our job is to teach our kids about the real world and the real world doesn't give out awards to everyone.  You don't get a gold medal simply for participating in the Olympics.  There will always be a time when someone is better than you at something.  There will, also, be times to teach others who aren't at your level....and that is just as important.  We need to teach our kids to define themselves by something more than paper.  It's not about impressing other kids or impressing a bunch of parents at an assembly...it's about impressing YOURSELF and doing the best that you can do.  Eventually, their efforts will be recognized.