My last post concerned villians.... this post is about heroes. Who are your heroes?
Decades ago, our children's heroes were police officers, firefighters, soldiers and more. Today, more than half of our children's heroes are celebrities. Now, let me say that there are a whole lot of celebrities that are truly amazing people. There are also celebrities that might be great people but they are not great role models for our children and, certainly, not heroes.
We have such a strange filter on our view of celebrities. We watch their highly publicized good deeds and we think, "Oh what a great person." What you don't realize is that the $10,000 they donated is a drop in the bucket to them..... it's the equivalent of you donating $10. It doesn't make it any less wonderful or any less helpful to the organization but they are not a hero for doing it. Celebrities can be wonderful people but most of them realize they aren't a hero and don't want the title.
Hero is defined as "a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities." Let's encourage the upcoming generation to find true heroes.... and let's strive toward the qualities of heroes ourselves.
Showing posts with label #parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #parenting. Show all posts
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Friday, November 4, 2016
Unique Qualities
Every child on this planet (and every adult, for that matter) has the potential for greatness. Let me repeat that....every single child on this planet has the potential for greatness. EVERY child has incredible gifts that were put inside them. EVERY child has strengths and unique qualities that no one else has. Some of them require words and some are completely non-verbal. Some require grand gestures of grandeur and some are just gifted with giving people a warm feeling simply by being there. Some are great dancers with amazing technique and others are great dancers simply because they love it so much and convey it in their movements. Some are beautiful singers and some are great mathematicians. The point is that every child has something unique inside of them when you allow them to do what they love. While it's a great idea to expose them to many different things, it is not a good idea to force them into things (especially at a young age). Let them figure out what they love and what they are great at and then find a way to encourage it!
Friday, October 28, 2016
Stop and Think
My son is an amazing kid but he's open to teenage drama just like anyone else. I asked him this morning why he was, out of the blue, avoiding his best friend and always wanting to hang out with this other friend. His response was that his best friend was "acting like a jerk" and "roasting him 24/7." I took a deep breath (you know the one...you know you're about to piss your kid off but you have to do what's right as a parent) and asked him, "Why do you think that is?"
Then we had a talk.
We talked about some incidents from the past weekend that he hadn't thought about where, maybe just maybe, his friend felt neglected by him. We talked about some incidents where maybe, just maybe, his friend felt like he was not being included. We talked about how he felt when people did those things to him. We talked about the fact that , sometimes, what seems innocent and nonchalant to you may be a completely different experience to someone else. We talked about how he might be contributing to his friend treating him that way.
He got an attitude right off the bat and seemed to be blowing me off. I had to trust that I had planted a seed. I had put the concept in his head and I had to trust years of parenting him to know that he would really think about what I'd said, even if it made him mad.
About twenty minutes later, he came back and said that he thought I was right. Now comes the hard part...."I'm glad you thought about it. What are YOU going to do to fix it?" He's not a baby anymore. I can't go talk to his friend's mom and arrange a playdate to fix things. It is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to resolve what's going on. I'll say that again: it is HIS responsibility. That's right, folks. I'm not responsible for fixing his problems. I'm responsible for encouraging him to see what he might be doing to contribute to the problem and then DISCUSSING how HE can fix it.
But he's just a child.
That's right. He's a child and he needs to learn how to solve problems on his own before he becomes an adult. I'm here to guide him but I'm not here to carry him. I'm not here to pat his shoulder and say, "Let mommy fix it" when it's something that he's capable of handling (with some support). Does he like that I point out when he's not acting right? No. Does he like that I don't solve it for him? Probably not. It's not my job to make his life easy, though; it's my job to make him into a capable, well-mannered adult that can function in the real world. Sometimes, that requires me to step outside of my comfort zone and tell him things that he doesn't want to hear.
I'm happy to report that he made a wise choice and apologized. I'm happy to report that he stopped blaming and started analyzing it to figure out what might be causing it. What I'm even more happy about, though, is that he handled it on his own. I'm happy that my guidance was enough to make him think twice. Now, as he ages, he will always have that seed planted to make him think twice about how he might be contributing. Sometimes, he may not be the cause at all and that's okay. Sometimes, he might just need to analyze to figure out how he can help (even if he's not the cause) and that's something I'm sure he will start to come into as he ages. The point is that he is learning how to manage life so that he isn't panicking when he's older and can't figure out why his wife is mad at him.
Parenting isn't always fun. As they get into their teenage years, it's less about saying "no-no" and more about saying, "What do you think I'm going to say?" It's less about saying, "Absolutely not happening" and more about saying, "Tell me why I should allow this and what you're going to do to make sure that this doesn't turn out badly." It's not about me trying to stop him from doing every little thing but more about making him stop to think about how the choices he makes affect him. I won't always be around to stop him from doing dumb stuff but those words and these lessons will be around for life. Stop and think is ALWAYS a beneficial thing to know.
So if your kid gets mad at you today (or any day) for being a parent, just know that it this, too, shall pass. You'll thank yourself and society will thank you later on for not raising an entitled twit.
Then we had a talk.
We talked about some incidents from the past weekend that he hadn't thought about where, maybe just maybe, his friend felt neglected by him. We talked about some incidents where maybe, just maybe, his friend felt like he was not being included. We talked about how he felt when people did those things to him. We talked about the fact that , sometimes, what seems innocent and nonchalant to you may be a completely different experience to someone else. We talked about how he might be contributing to his friend treating him that way.
He got an attitude right off the bat and seemed to be blowing me off. I had to trust that I had planted a seed. I had put the concept in his head and I had to trust years of parenting him to know that he would really think about what I'd said, even if it made him mad.
About twenty minutes later, he came back and said that he thought I was right. Now comes the hard part...."I'm glad you thought about it. What are YOU going to do to fix it?" He's not a baby anymore. I can't go talk to his friend's mom and arrange a playdate to fix things. It is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to resolve what's going on. I'll say that again: it is HIS responsibility. That's right, folks. I'm not responsible for fixing his problems. I'm responsible for encouraging him to see what he might be doing to contribute to the problem and then DISCUSSING how HE can fix it.
But he's just a child.
That's right. He's a child and he needs to learn how to solve problems on his own before he becomes an adult. I'm here to guide him but I'm not here to carry him. I'm not here to pat his shoulder and say, "Let mommy fix it" when it's something that he's capable of handling (with some support). Does he like that I point out when he's not acting right? No. Does he like that I don't solve it for him? Probably not. It's not my job to make his life easy, though; it's my job to make him into a capable, well-mannered adult that can function in the real world. Sometimes, that requires me to step outside of my comfort zone and tell him things that he doesn't want to hear.
I'm happy to report that he made a wise choice and apologized. I'm happy to report that he stopped blaming and started analyzing it to figure out what might be causing it. What I'm even more happy about, though, is that he handled it on his own. I'm happy that my guidance was enough to make him think twice. Now, as he ages, he will always have that seed planted to make him think twice about how he might be contributing. Sometimes, he may not be the cause at all and that's okay. Sometimes, he might just need to analyze to figure out how he can help (even if he's not the cause) and that's something I'm sure he will start to come into as he ages. The point is that he is learning how to manage life so that he isn't panicking when he's older and can't figure out why his wife is mad at him.
Parenting isn't always fun. As they get into their teenage years, it's less about saying "no-no" and more about saying, "What do you think I'm going to say?" It's less about saying, "Absolutely not happening" and more about saying, "Tell me why I should allow this and what you're going to do to make sure that this doesn't turn out badly." It's not about me trying to stop him from doing every little thing but more about making him stop to think about how the choices he makes affect him. I won't always be around to stop him from doing dumb stuff but those words and these lessons will be around for life. Stop and think is ALWAYS a beneficial thing to know.
So if your kid gets mad at you today (or any day) for being a parent, just know that it this, too, shall pass. You'll thank yourself and society will thank you later on for not raising an entitled twit.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Internet Safety
I seriously wobble the line, constantly, between being overprotective and being mellow, as a parent. I'm more inclined to let my kid walk down the street to their friend's house or the library than I am to let my kid join Facebook. Why? Because I'd much rather deal with a predator I can see. It's a tough job being a parent nowadays and education is half the battle. With that in mind, here are some little nuggets of information that might be helpful to parents of kids that are on social media. Educate them and let them know these things BEFORE they start posting.
1. If you distribute inappropriate photos, even of yourself, to someone else (when you're underage), it is distribution of child pornography. Yup, it's that simple to be charged with a felony.
2. If you ACCEPT inappropriate photos of your girlfriend/boyfriend or anyone else that is underage, you can be charged with possession of child pornography. If you show it to others, you can keep on adding to that felony.
3. Texting, messaging, facebooking, etc with threats and bullying to another child IS a crime. Period.
4. Deleting texts, etc does not remove them completely. Police and such ARE able to find them. In fact, they have devices that pull anything explicit from dirty words to dirty pictures from your device. You are not going to outmaneuver the police by deleting things.
5. If you are charged with a harsh enough felony as a child, it is NOT removed from your record as an adult. I know everyone thinks it's scrubbed and sealed once you turn 18...such is not the case with certain felonies.
Review the laws in your state and educate your child. Educate them on what the laws are and how easy it is to brand your life forever. If you have ANY concern about trust with them, do NOT let them have social media accounts. If they have them, monitor monitor monitor. Seriously, this is nothing to joke around about. Internet safety is a huge deal. Be safe, friends.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Pick Your Battles
"Pick your battles." How many times do we hear it as parents? How many times do we say it as parents? It's our mantra. It's how we get through the craziness of parenting a toddler or a teenager. Pick your battles. The problem is that a whole lot of parents aren't picking the right battles to fight. They're going into battles that they should be facing in full armor with a wiffle bat.
So what battles are worth fighting? Here's an easy way to determine it....
*If it affects your child's long-term future negatively, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it affects your child's health in a severely negative way, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it's a "lesson" that will put your child or someone else in danger, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it involves a matter of learning or practicing respect for others or for themselves, it's a battle worth fighting.
You get the idea.
What kind of battles aren't worth it? Here's a short list....
*Whether or not your child eats every single thing, every single time.
*Whether or not your child feels the need to dip every single thing he eats in ketchup
*Whether or not your child works on their homework at 3:10 or 3:30 (example).
*If your children are having a petty argument over silly stuff.
*Whether your son wants to wear gym shorts everywhere, all the time.
*What your child wears, in general (assuming they are weather appropriate and clean)
Again, you get the idea.
Instead of spending your time arguing over whether or not little Johnny eats every bite of his broccoli, maybe argue over him acting like a little punk to his teacher. Instead of spending your time arguing if Susie wants to wear mismatched patterns, maybe argue more about Susie disrespecting her body for a boy. Instead of "pick your battles," let's start focusing on "picking your battles WISELY."
So what battles are worth fighting? Here's an easy way to determine it....
*If it affects your child's long-term future negatively, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it affects your child's health in a severely negative way, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it's a "lesson" that will put your child or someone else in danger, it's a battle worth fighting.
*If it involves a matter of learning or practicing respect for others or for themselves, it's a battle worth fighting.
You get the idea.
What kind of battles aren't worth it? Here's a short list....
*Whether or not your child eats every single thing, every single time.
*Whether or not your child feels the need to dip every single thing he eats in ketchup
*Whether or not your child works on their homework at 3:10 or 3:30 (example).
*If your children are having a petty argument over silly stuff.
*Whether your son wants to wear gym shorts everywhere, all the time.
*What your child wears, in general (assuming they are weather appropriate and clean)
Again, you get the idea.
Instead of spending your time arguing over whether or not little Johnny eats every bite of his broccoli, maybe argue over him acting like a little punk to his teacher. Instead of spending your time arguing if Susie wants to wear mismatched patterns, maybe argue more about Susie disrespecting her body for a boy. Instead of "pick your battles," let's start focusing on "picking your battles WISELY."
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Shorts and Hoodies
If you are the parent of a tween or teenage boy, you have probably had the great debate on shorts. You know the one: it's forty degrees outside and your son is wanting to walk around in shorts and a hoodie. Add in the fact that he is fighting like a sabertooth tiger to avoid having to wear a coat of ANY kind (including a light jacket) and strictly wants a hoodie and it's enough to drive you insane. My experience tells me there are 3 moms that deal with this problem....
You're-Doing-It-Because-I-Said-So Mom This is the mom that will get you to wear pants and/or a jacket at all costs. Whether she wrangles you down like a toddler with a tantrum and pins them on you or whether she guilts you into it, you're wearing those pants.
The Compromise Mom This is the mom that will negotiate with you. "Okay I understand it's gonna be 65 later so you can wear the shorts but can you please wear a jacket or, at the very least, a thicker hoodie?"
The Natural Consequence Mom This is the category I fall into. I've given up on fighting a battle that is stressful for everyone involved. If he's cold, he'll learn to wear something warmer. If he's not cold (and it's a possibility being that Colorado kids adapt to climate pretty well...then add in hormones and the fact that they're probably clowning around in the morning keeping the blood flow moving), then it's not worth fighting over anyway.
Whatever category you fall into, know that you're not alone. Most, if not all, tween and teenage boy parents deal with this argument. Keep your chin up.
You're-Doing-It-Because-I-Said-So Mom This is the mom that will get you to wear pants and/or a jacket at all costs. Whether she wrangles you down like a toddler with a tantrum and pins them on you or whether she guilts you into it, you're wearing those pants.
The Compromise Mom This is the mom that will negotiate with you. "Okay I understand it's gonna be 65 later so you can wear the shorts but can you please wear a jacket or, at the very least, a thicker hoodie?"
The Natural Consequence Mom This is the category I fall into. I've given up on fighting a battle that is stressful for everyone involved. If he's cold, he'll learn to wear something warmer. If he's not cold (and it's a possibility being that Colorado kids adapt to climate pretty well...then add in hormones and the fact that they're probably clowning around in the morning keeping the blood flow moving), then it's not worth fighting over anyway.
Whatever category you fall into, know that you're not alone. Most, if not all, tween and teenage boy parents deal with this argument. Keep your chin up.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Lazy Parenting
At what point did lazy parenting become acceptable? No, I'm not referring to having a pj day. I'm not referring to wearing yoga pants to pick up your kids at school. I'm not referring to sleeping in on the weekends. I'm not referring to having a lazy DAY. I'm referring to having a lazy parenting life. Allow me to elaborate:
I'm curious when our society became okay with parents deciding that 11 years old was "grown." I'm curious when we officially gave up playing with our kids to sit them in front of the TV nonstop for the sake of convenience. When did we decide that we would rather just "have the school take care of it for us?" When did we decide that we needed three day weekends "off" once a month and two week vacations without the kids every year? When did we decide that we could half-ass this parenting thing?
I'm seriously curious, here.
It is not your job to parent your child when it is convenient for you. It is your job to parent your child ALWAYS. Does that mean you can't have a night out? Of course not. Does that mean you can't order pizza because you're too tired to cook? Of course not. There's just a vast difference between having a lazy moment or a lazy day and making it your daily regimen.
It is not the school's job to teach your child to be a civilized, polite, kind human being; it is yours. It is not the baseball coach's job to teach your child to take turns, be a friend or not to be a bully; it is yours. Those people are support people in your life. It may take a village but good kids start at home.
Maybe your child was unplanned and maybe they were planned for years before you conceived. Maybe you're a no-spanking parent and maybe you believe in spanking when needed. Maybe you're a breastfeeding mom and maybe you're not. There are a million issues that separate HOW we parent but there is one that should unite us....THAT we parent. You chose to have your child and having a child means making sacrifices for their well-being. It doesn't end when they hit double digits and they are not grown at 10 or 11 years old. Hell, they aren't even really "grown" when they're 18 but the country's laws say they are so you better make a real impact on who they are well before they hit legal age.
Look, I don't care about what methods you use to raise your child. Only you know what's best for them. What I DO care about is whether or not you're making the choice to leave the rest of us to do your job simply because you choose not to. We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do when we don't have constant access. If you're a lazy parent, it's not too late. Step up and start doing what's right. We are all here to help you out if you'll take the first step.
I'm curious when our society became okay with parents deciding that 11 years old was "grown." I'm curious when we officially gave up playing with our kids to sit them in front of the TV nonstop for the sake of convenience. When did we decide that we would rather just "have the school take care of it for us?" When did we decide that we needed three day weekends "off" once a month and two week vacations without the kids every year? When did we decide that we could half-ass this parenting thing?
I'm seriously curious, here.
It is not your job to parent your child when it is convenient for you. It is your job to parent your child ALWAYS. Does that mean you can't have a night out? Of course not. Does that mean you can't order pizza because you're too tired to cook? Of course not. There's just a vast difference between having a lazy moment or a lazy day and making it your daily regimen.
It is not the school's job to teach your child to be a civilized, polite, kind human being; it is yours. It is not the baseball coach's job to teach your child to take turns, be a friend or not to be a bully; it is yours. Those people are support people in your life. It may take a village but good kids start at home.
Maybe your child was unplanned and maybe they were planned for years before you conceived. Maybe you're a no-spanking parent and maybe you believe in spanking when needed. Maybe you're a breastfeeding mom and maybe you're not. There are a million issues that separate HOW we parent but there is one that should unite us....THAT we parent. You chose to have your child and having a child means making sacrifices for their well-being. It doesn't end when they hit double digits and they are not grown at 10 or 11 years old. Hell, they aren't even really "grown" when they're 18 but the country's laws say they are so you better make a real impact on who they are well before they hit legal age.
Look, I don't care about what methods you use to raise your child. Only you know what's best for them. What I DO care about is whether or not you're making the choice to leave the rest of us to do your job simply because you choose not to. We are here to support you but there is only so much we can do when we don't have constant access. If you're a lazy parent, it's not too late. Step up and start doing what's right. We are all here to help you out if you'll take the first step.
Monday, August 22, 2016
5 Reasons You're Not Sleeping At Night
5. Your bladder. Let's face it, after having a baby play "stress ball" with your bladder for nine months, maybe multiple times, your bladder is just never the same....ever. Not to mention, with age, you end up having to go more often. Try as you may, you will probably not find a good balance between depriving yourself of essential fluids (water) and avoiding the potty break in the middle of the night. The secret to getting back to sleep easier is NOT to look at the clock, not turn on the TV and try to limit the lights you have to turn on.
4. Your Neighbors. In my case, my neighbors are loud as hell. It's ridiculous. Maybe they yell. Maybe they watch TV or listen to music loudly. Maybe they allow their kids to scream nonstop (in some cases, that can't be helped such as sensory issues, etc). Maybe their dog barks non stop. There's not really a great solution for this except maybe earplugs if your household allows.
3. Your Stress Level. If your stress level is high, you're more likely to suffer from insomnia like symptoms. Aside from the obvious (reduce your stress....which is always a funny suggestion to me. I mean who INTENTIONALLY has a lot of stress in their life?), there aren't a ton of solutions that work for every single person. Limit your screen time, try melatonin, don't eat too close to bedtime, and try something relaxing like yoga before you lay down. The best you can do is the best you can do.
2. Pet vomit/hairballs. You know that feeling...you hear your cat start hacking and you just know it's running straight to a rug to puke on. You get up to go to the bathroom and step right into a pile of dog puke. Yeah there's no preventing this. It's just gross....and it sucks.
1. Your kids. Maybe your kids sleep with you and you're waking up to a kick in the face. Maybe you're a new mom checking on your baby as he sleeps. Maybe you're dealing with the dreaded "vomit sound" coming from your kids instead. Hang in there. They grow up really quickly and pretty soon you'll be begging them to "Just get up" so they aren't late for school when they're teenagers.
4. Your Neighbors. In my case, my neighbors are loud as hell. It's ridiculous. Maybe they yell. Maybe they watch TV or listen to music loudly. Maybe they allow their kids to scream nonstop (in some cases, that can't be helped such as sensory issues, etc). Maybe their dog barks non stop. There's not really a great solution for this except maybe earplugs if your household allows.
3. Your Stress Level. If your stress level is high, you're more likely to suffer from insomnia like symptoms. Aside from the obvious (reduce your stress....which is always a funny suggestion to me. I mean who INTENTIONALLY has a lot of stress in their life?), there aren't a ton of solutions that work for every single person. Limit your screen time, try melatonin, don't eat too close to bedtime, and try something relaxing like yoga before you lay down. The best you can do is the best you can do.
2. Pet vomit/hairballs. You know that feeling...you hear your cat start hacking and you just know it's running straight to a rug to puke on. You get up to go to the bathroom and step right into a pile of dog puke. Yeah there's no preventing this. It's just gross....and it sucks.
1. Your kids. Maybe your kids sleep with you and you're waking up to a kick in the face. Maybe you're a new mom checking on your baby as he sleeps. Maybe you're dealing with the dreaded "vomit sound" coming from your kids instead. Hang in there. They grow up really quickly and pretty soon you'll be begging them to "Just get up" so they aren't late for school when they're teenagers.
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Food for Thought: Let Kids be Kids
Tuesday Food for Thought: I am a big promoter of letting kids be kids for as long as they can. I mean, the world is a messed up place and the longer they get to just run and play, the better. With that said, what I am NOT a promoter of is the extreme ends of this; balance is key.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
On the one end is the helicopter parent. I cannot promote this lifestyle. No, I am not talking about vigilant parents. No, I am not talking about parents that make their teens check in when they get somewhere after walking by themselves. I'm talking about parents who obsessively hover over their children from birth. No, they can't eat that Cheerio off the floor. No, they can't do the slide by themselves..what if they slip? No, they can't walk down four houses (on the sidewalk) without me walking with them. No they can't walk around the mall themselves at 15. I cannot promote this behavior because it's not allowing children to experience the real world. Our job, as parents, is to prepare our kids for the world while still letting them know that they have a safe place to land. Obsessively freaking out over every independent step they take does not benefit them; it teaches them to be afraid. It teaches them that they can't do anything without you.
On the other end is the I-Never-Say-No parent. I can't promote this either. Children need to have boundaries. How strict you set your boundaries is your decision but remember that the rest of the world has to live with your child once you're done raising him. What I mean by this statement is that it may work for you (in your house) to never make him clean up after himself, to allow him to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way, and to let him get things that are well beyond his age level at an earlier age because "all the cool kids have it." When Junior gets out into the real world, though, he's not going to get his way with tantrums. When he's out in the real world, he'll get arrested for underage drinking even if "all the cool kids are doing it." No one's going to clean up after him unless you're paying for a cleaning lady to follow him everywhere he goes. I can't and won't promote this behavior either.
Somewhere in between is a balance between letting your kids be kids and still teaching them responsibility. There's a pretty broad area that allows you to walk down the street safely without holding your hand but still teach them about stranger danger. There's a broad area that lets you not curse at your children but still allow them to hear those words out and about and learn their appropriateness. There's a broad area that allows your children to learn natural consequences for their behavior. There's a broad area that allows "yes day" but doesn't allow every day to be a "yes day." There's a broad area for "Mom's too tired to deal with this right now" but still making sure that most of the time, little Susie acts like a normal human being.
The phrase "Let kids be kids" does not mean "Let them be little assholes" and it also doesn't mean "Let them play but only if they're within arm's length." Just Food for Thought.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
"Bad Kids"
One of my biggest "grrr" moments, of late, has been hearing people comment about the "bad kids" that are influencing their own kids. Why is this a "grrrr" thing for me? It's pretty simple. I don't think there are "bad kids." I think there are good kids that make bad choices sometimes. I think that "bad kids" are really kids whose parents aren't able (for whatever reason) to guide them through the recovery process from bad decisions. That's NOT to say that every "bad kid" has parents that neglect them or that they are crap parents. In fact, it's nothing like that. What is it like? Allow me to explain....
Kids do not have the part of their brain that aids with impulse control fully developed. In fact, it isn't fully developed until their 20s. This part of the brain, the frontal lobe, controls so much. Included in this list (but not the list in its entirety) is problem-solving, judgment, social behavior and sexual behavior. Just let that sink in for a moment. Essentially, the part that controls everything that will affect their social lives is not working in a conducive environment in their brain. They can't rush it. They can't fake it. It's anatomically underdeveloped until they reach their 20s.
Now think about every "bad kid" and what is being claimed about them. Most of those problems stem from some issue covered by what their frontal lobe does. Drug use starts with an impulsive decision. Risque sexual behavior starts with impulsive decisions. Negative social behavior starts with bad judgment and no problem-solving skills. The list goes on and on but it always comes back to the frontal lobe behaviors.
Let me ask you this: would you be upset if you gave a newly diagnosed diabetic a pixie stick and their blood sugar went bonkers? Of course you wouldn't. Maybe you'd be upset that they didn't tell you that they were diabetic. Maybe you'd be upset that they weren't keeping an eye on their blood sugar and you didn't know that they would react that way. You, likely, wouldn't be mad at them, though. Why? Because they can't adequately control their blood sugar. Anatomically speaking, their body can't adequately process it. If they're newly diagnosed, they are still new to learning the ins and outs of what they can and can't do.
Now apply that to kids. In the same way, kids are still learning the ins and outs of making good decisions, controlling their impulses, and so on. While parents are there to guide them, ultimately the kids have to learn the lessons.
That is not to say that kids shouldn't be disciplined and receive consequences. Of course they should. That's HOW they learn. Parents are supposed to put a system of rules and consequences (both good and bad) in place to help their child through their learning process. It's not a foolproof system and they will still make mistakes. That's why you have to be there to guide them through it and learn how to manage the situation the next time they face it. It's a skill that seems to be lacking among parents in this generation. I'm not blaming parents for a child's bad decision but I will, surely, say that the parents are responsible for providing the system of consequences that come with it. Your child's bad decisions don't make you a bad parent; your choice to not provide adequate consequences leaves some room for improvement.
Nonetheless, let me close with this. Bad decisions do not a "bad kid" make. "Bad kids" do not a bad parent make. Do your best to provide a network of positive and negative (as needed) consequences for behaviors that your child chooses. Start early and be consistent. Take a moment and be patient with the "bad kids" you're dealing with. Remember that not every parent will take on the concerned, responsible role that they should. Sometimes it takes a village and sometimes just being there for that "bad kid" and letting them know that YOU care enough to try to help them through this process will turn their behavior around. It's not a guarantee but it's definitely food for thought.
Kids do not have the part of their brain that aids with impulse control fully developed. In fact, it isn't fully developed until their 20s. This part of the brain, the frontal lobe, controls so much. Included in this list (but not the list in its entirety) is problem-solving, judgment, social behavior and sexual behavior. Just let that sink in for a moment. Essentially, the part that controls everything that will affect their social lives is not working in a conducive environment in their brain. They can't rush it. They can't fake it. It's anatomically underdeveloped until they reach their 20s.
Now think about every "bad kid" and what is being claimed about them. Most of those problems stem from some issue covered by what their frontal lobe does. Drug use starts with an impulsive decision. Risque sexual behavior starts with impulsive decisions. Negative social behavior starts with bad judgment and no problem-solving skills. The list goes on and on but it always comes back to the frontal lobe behaviors.
Let me ask you this: would you be upset if you gave a newly diagnosed diabetic a pixie stick and their blood sugar went bonkers? Of course you wouldn't. Maybe you'd be upset that they didn't tell you that they were diabetic. Maybe you'd be upset that they weren't keeping an eye on their blood sugar and you didn't know that they would react that way. You, likely, wouldn't be mad at them, though. Why? Because they can't adequately control their blood sugar. Anatomically speaking, their body can't adequately process it. If they're newly diagnosed, they are still new to learning the ins and outs of what they can and can't do.
Now apply that to kids. In the same way, kids are still learning the ins and outs of making good decisions, controlling their impulses, and so on. While parents are there to guide them, ultimately the kids have to learn the lessons.
That is not to say that kids shouldn't be disciplined and receive consequences. Of course they should. That's HOW they learn. Parents are supposed to put a system of rules and consequences (both good and bad) in place to help their child through their learning process. It's not a foolproof system and they will still make mistakes. That's why you have to be there to guide them through it and learn how to manage the situation the next time they face it. It's a skill that seems to be lacking among parents in this generation. I'm not blaming parents for a child's bad decision but I will, surely, say that the parents are responsible for providing the system of consequences that come with it. Your child's bad decisions don't make you a bad parent; your choice to not provide adequate consequences leaves some room for improvement.
Nonetheless, let me close with this. Bad decisions do not a "bad kid" make. "Bad kids" do not a bad parent make. Do your best to provide a network of positive and negative (as needed) consequences for behaviors that your child chooses. Start early and be consistent. Take a moment and be patient with the "bad kids" you're dealing with. Remember that not every parent will take on the concerned, responsible role that they should. Sometimes it takes a village and sometimes just being there for that "bad kid" and letting them know that YOU care enough to try to help them through this process will turn their behavior around. It's not a guarantee but it's definitely food for thought.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Teach Your Children Manners
Today's post is going to be cut and dry. Teach your kids some manners. Don't rely on the schools; it's not their job. Don't rely on society; it's not their job. It's yours. Here are some of the most basic and overlooked manners in our society today.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Phone manners. Teach your kids how to speak when they call someone (i.e. "Hi this is Sally Sue. May I speak with Susie Q, please?"). Teach them how to speak when they answer the phone. Teach them not to call a friend seventy times in a row if they don't answer (you would not believe how many kids do this). Teach them basic phone etiquette. It will move mountains in their professional lives as adults.
Host/Hostess Manners. Teach your children to answer the door politely. Teach them that having a guest means that the guest goes first. Teach them to offer a seat and a drink to their guests. It seems that these skills have gone by the wayside.
How to Treat Their Friends. Teach your children how to treat their friends and classmates. In short, teach them not to be little assholes and drama queens.
Opening Doors. Teach them to open doors for their elders. Teach them to open doors for women. Teach them to open doors for each other.
Table Manners. Seriously, what happened to basic table manners? Teach them to eat with their utensils. Teach them to sit up to the table with elbows off the table. Teach them to eat their food instead of picking it apart and complaining. Teach them that if someone makes them a meal, they should be grateful regardless.
Please, Thank You and You're welcome. This seems to be gone by the wayside, as well. "Please" and "thank you" are a rarity anymore. We enforce it with toddlers but once the kids go to school, it disappears. Teach it.
They're NOT adults!!! Teach them that they are NOT adults and don't have adult privileges. That means that just because Mom gets to stay up late, it's not their privilege. Just because Dad gets to watch TV after a long day of work doesn't mean they need to be in front of it all day. This also means that they are not subject to talking in your adult conversations, particularly interrupting you.
Interrupting Teach your children not to interrupt you when you're speaking to another adult. Teach them not to interrupt you when you're on the phone.
The most basic manners seem to be considered taboo to discuss today. We're supposed to "respect our kids" and "not hurt their feelings." Well, I say that we should respect our kids enough to teach them how to function in the real world. You can be a mom that hugs and encourages her kids while still telling them that you won't tolerate their bad attitude, manners or behavior.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
10 Ways to Get Your Kids' Attention
Parents everywhere throw their hands up when they think that they are finally going to get five minutes of peace, only to have it interrupted. Here are 10 surefire ways to get your kids' attention...
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
1. Pick up a phone. You don't even have to start to talk. Inevitably, just your hand against the receiver sets off a tiny alarm in their brains that says that they MUST tell you about the caterpillar they saw a week ago and they MUST tell you RIGHT NOW!
2. Close a door. The sound of a door closing to a kid is like the sound of a cheese wrapper to a dog.
3. Speaking of wrappers.... open a bag of chips or candy. Your kids can be watching Netflix with headphones on and still hear you open a Snickers.
4. Try to sit down on the toilet. I wish I knew who the manufacture was that created this cruel joke. There HAS to be an alarm that sounds when kids know that you're pooping. They will yell to you through the door if you're lucky. If you're not, they'll barge right in. Ah the memories you'll create.
5. Try to have a conversation with ANY other adult. You can have spent the WHOLE day with your kid, talking to them non stop...for a month....and they'll STILL incessantly interrupt when you're trying to talk.
6. Try to take a nap. Seriously...try it. It will get their attention every time.
7. Use trigger words like "money", "cake" or "McDonald's". Even whispered across the house with fans on and TVs blaring, kids can hear these words.
8. Attempt to shower without interruption. Your kids can be dead asleep at 3 AM and you can start a shower in a completely different part of the house and they'll STILL think they need to talk to you right now. Oddly, half the time, they groan when THEY have to shower.
9. Answer the door. It could be a Jehovah's Witness and they STILL want to know who's at the door.
10. Try to watch a TV show. Phew, all the kids are busy reading or doing something else, I can FINALLY catch up on the episodes I've missed throughout the week running kids to activities....wrong.
BONUS: Pour a cup of coffee. It can and will wake them from a sound sleep
Monday, June 27, 2016
You Can Make a Difference
I think that one of the greatest things we can teach our children is not to force things. When I look at my generation and I see where we are now, I see that we made a whole lot of decisions based on the fact that we thought that's what we were supposed to do. We thought that we were supposed to settle down, get married and have kids at a certain age. We thought that we HAD to decide on a career at 18 when we started college. We thought that we had to buy a house near our parents. We thought that we had to have holiday meals with our family and never move outside of our little tribal circle.
Then, I look at my generation now. At least half, if not more, of us are divorced. Some remarried, some haven't really dated, and some are not interested in ever getting married again after our experiences. At least half aren't even using a degree that they obtained right out of high school. Some just got a different job, some are pursuing something currently, and some aren't even sure what they're supposed to do. At least half of us don't have that house near our parents. In fact, statistically a lot of people lost or sold them in their divorce or in the mortgage crisis while others had to move due to jobs and others moved voluntarily for a better life. You see, we tried to force a life that we weren't ready to have and ended up realizing that we should have taken those years to really think on who we were.
I am a firm believer in encouraging (not forcing but encouraging) kids to really wait until they're at least 24 or 25 to get married and settle down. I did it much earlier, as did many of my friends, and I have learned so much from it. I don't think that a whole lot of people truly know what they want to do at 18. I don't think many of them realize that they haven't even unwrapped all of the layers of who they are and your late teens are twenties are the best time to find that out! I think that kids benefit more from not having these hard expectations on what exactly they have to do. It doesn't have to be a cookie cutter business to be successful. True happiness and success come from doing what you're meant to do, not what you have been forced into doing.
What has changed the way our country works is that we seem to have developed a "me" complex. We forget that part of our responsibility, as a nation, is to mentor the upcoming generation on what we've learned. Will they always listen? No, in fact, they may not seem like they're listening at all....until they encounter a situation where they need to use the advice and realize that you weren't trying to boss them around; you were trying to help them. Part of our responsibility as a nation is to encourage them to change the world. It's important for us to encourage them to shoot for the starts because great advances come from people who think outside the box. Shouldn't their parents be taking care of that? Of course they should but what harm does it do to reinforce that teaching? Why have we gone from "it takes a village" to "screw the village, I'm saving my house?" It may not be your "job" to mentor these kids but a great man once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country."
I've sort of gotten off track. My apologies.
My point in all of this is that if we want to raise a better generation, we need to encourage them to be what they were meant to be. Maybe it's not what we pictured or what would make the most money but it's what will fill their soul. If we want to help the current generation, we need to be there to mentor them, even if when it's not fun. You see, when they find what their soul needs to fill it, they, too, will want to do something wonderful to change the nation. Big changes can begin with just one small step.
Then, I look at my generation now. At least half, if not more, of us are divorced. Some remarried, some haven't really dated, and some are not interested in ever getting married again after our experiences. At least half aren't even using a degree that they obtained right out of high school. Some just got a different job, some are pursuing something currently, and some aren't even sure what they're supposed to do. At least half of us don't have that house near our parents. In fact, statistically a lot of people lost or sold them in their divorce or in the mortgage crisis while others had to move due to jobs and others moved voluntarily for a better life. You see, we tried to force a life that we weren't ready to have and ended up realizing that we should have taken those years to really think on who we were.
I am a firm believer in encouraging (not forcing but encouraging) kids to really wait until they're at least 24 or 25 to get married and settle down. I did it much earlier, as did many of my friends, and I have learned so much from it. I don't think that a whole lot of people truly know what they want to do at 18. I don't think many of them realize that they haven't even unwrapped all of the layers of who they are and your late teens are twenties are the best time to find that out! I think that kids benefit more from not having these hard expectations on what exactly they have to do. It doesn't have to be a cookie cutter business to be successful. True happiness and success come from doing what you're meant to do, not what you have been forced into doing.
What has changed the way our country works is that we seem to have developed a "me" complex. We forget that part of our responsibility, as a nation, is to mentor the upcoming generation on what we've learned. Will they always listen? No, in fact, they may not seem like they're listening at all....until they encounter a situation where they need to use the advice and realize that you weren't trying to boss them around; you were trying to help them. Part of our responsibility as a nation is to encourage them to change the world. It's important for us to encourage them to shoot for the starts because great advances come from people who think outside the box. Shouldn't their parents be taking care of that? Of course they should but what harm does it do to reinforce that teaching? Why have we gone from "it takes a village" to "screw the village, I'm saving my house?" It may not be your "job" to mentor these kids but a great man once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country."
I've sort of gotten off track. My apologies.
My point in all of this is that if we want to raise a better generation, we need to encourage them to be what they were meant to be. Maybe it's not what we pictured or what would make the most money but it's what will fill their soul. If we want to help the current generation, we need to be there to mentor them, even if when it's not fun. You see, when they find what their soul needs to fill it, they, too, will want to do something wonderful to change the nation. Big changes can begin with just one small step.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
10 Ways to Be a Mean Mom
I sometimes get told by touchy feely moms that I'm a "mean mom" for being strict on my kids. I used to get really upset about it but I've learned to embrace it. One woman's "mean mom" is another woman's "keeping my sanity." Realistically the important part is that we have happy, healthy children, right? Not in our social media happy society. We must all agree...right? Not in my book.
So without further ado, my 10 ways to be a mean mom.
1. "Throw it away." My kids have each had the sting of the garbage bag to the bedroom. That's right. In my house, if you're warned to clean your room and choose not to, your belongings go to the thrift store. It's a hard lesson to learn but it's an effective one.
2. "Make them practice prioritizing." I am a firm believer that kids don't need a Toys R Us in their bedroom. When birthdays and Christmas start coming around, the kids and I go through their toys and other items and assess what they would be willing to donate. Then, when a holiday comes around, it's not so much clutter.
3. "Make them do chores....without pay." Yup, that's right. I'm the mean mom that has certain chores that I expect done without pay. Why? Because we work as a family and that means that everyone should contribute their very best.
4. "That may be what kids do but that's not what my kids do." My kids have heard this phrase more times than they care to say. They realize that their expectations are higher than the "let kids be kids" parents around them. Rules are rules. Period. I don't care what so-and-so's parents do.
5. "You don't have to like it but you have to accept it." Another frequently spoken phrase in our house. They used to debate it but, at this point, it's not even worth it to them anymore because they know what I'm going to say.
6. "Say no". While other parents are having "yes days" and not wanting to hurt their kids feelings, I understand that my job is to prepare them for the real world (while still nurturing them). The real world doesn't cater to their feelings all the time. Sometimes they need to hear the word "no."
7. "Make them eat their vegetables." I'm sorry but I just don't buy into cutting my kids' cucumbers into intricate little flowers to bribe them to eat it. I'm all for the "dip it in ranch" (or ketchup) if it helps you choke it down but the option is HOW to eat it, not whether to eat it. Yes, you are allowed to have a couple of veggies you don't like but you need to eat the vast majority.
8. "Demand respect." Now I use the term "demand" loosely. What I mean by this is that I find it perfectly acceptable to expect my children to respect their elders, their siblings, their friends, and their family. I expect for them to treat the janitor with the same level of respect as the CEO.
9. "Make them say please." I've been known to deny dessert, activities, and such to my kids if they start in with rude attitudes. I expect manners of all varieties including "yes ma'am" and "no sir" to adults. It's an important skill to learn in life.
and finally....
10. "Expect their best." Note that I didn't say to expect THE best but to expect THEIR best. You know your child and you know their abilities. Expect them to work at something with all of their effort and call them on it if they're slacking intentionally. You don't have to be a jerk but let them know that you know their potential. It may be an eye-roller on their part but they'll appreciate those votes of confidence as they age.
Look, if being a hardass is what works in my family, I'm okay with that. We have plenty of laughing, silly moments. We have a ton of "I'm so proud of you" moments and so many hugs and nurturing moments that I couldn't count them if I tried. That said, I'm also not afraid to balance that out with the discipline necessary (in my household) to make things run smoothly for everyone.....most of the time, anyway.
So without further ado, my 10 ways to be a mean mom.
1. "Throw it away." My kids have each had the sting of the garbage bag to the bedroom. That's right. In my house, if you're warned to clean your room and choose not to, your belongings go to the thrift store. It's a hard lesson to learn but it's an effective one.
2. "Make them practice prioritizing." I am a firm believer that kids don't need a Toys R Us in their bedroom. When birthdays and Christmas start coming around, the kids and I go through their toys and other items and assess what they would be willing to donate. Then, when a holiday comes around, it's not so much clutter.
3. "Make them do chores....without pay." Yup, that's right. I'm the mean mom that has certain chores that I expect done without pay. Why? Because we work as a family and that means that everyone should contribute their very best.
4. "That may be what kids do but that's not what my kids do." My kids have heard this phrase more times than they care to say. They realize that their expectations are higher than the "let kids be kids" parents around them. Rules are rules. Period. I don't care what so-and-so's parents do.
5. "You don't have to like it but you have to accept it." Another frequently spoken phrase in our house. They used to debate it but, at this point, it's not even worth it to them anymore because they know what I'm going to say.
6. "Say no". While other parents are having "yes days" and not wanting to hurt their kids feelings, I understand that my job is to prepare them for the real world (while still nurturing them). The real world doesn't cater to their feelings all the time. Sometimes they need to hear the word "no."
7. "Make them eat their vegetables." I'm sorry but I just don't buy into cutting my kids' cucumbers into intricate little flowers to bribe them to eat it. I'm all for the "dip it in ranch" (or ketchup) if it helps you choke it down but the option is HOW to eat it, not whether to eat it. Yes, you are allowed to have a couple of veggies you don't like but you need to eat the vast majority.
8. "Demand respect." Now I use the term "demand" loosely. What I mean by this is that I find it perfectly acceptable to expect my children to respect their elders, their siblings, their friends, and their family. I expect for them to treat the janitor with the same level of respect as the CEO.
9. "Make them say please." I've been known to deny dessert, activities, and such to my kids if they start in with rude attitudes. I expect manners of all varieties including "yes ma'am" and "no sir" to adults. It's an important skill to learn in life.
and finally....
10. "Expect their best." Note that I didn't say to expect THE best but to expect THEIR best. You know your child and you know their abilities. Expect them to work at something with all of their effort and call them on it if they're slacking intentionally. You don't have to be a jerk but let them know that you know their potential. It may be an eye-roller on their part but they'll appreciate those votes of confidence as they age.
Look, if being a hardass is what works in my family, I'm okay with that. We have plenty of laughing, silly moments. We have a ton of "I'm so proud of you" moments and so many hugs and nurturing moments that I couldn't count them if I tried. That said, I'm also not afraid to balance that out with the discipline necessary (in my household) to make things run smoothly for everyone.....most of the time, anyway.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
This is What Parenting Really Is
There are certain things in life that I believe make you truly realize that you're a parent. I'm not referring to the obvious ... birthing a child obviously makes you a parent. I'm talking about the moments that make you say, "Yup, this is what parenting really is...."
1. When the baby pees on you...if you're lucky, it's not in your face
2. When the baby poops through his clothes....in public
3. When your toddler repeats the swear word you accidentally said in front of her....in front of your mother in law
4. When your little man runs naked through the house after his bath
5. When your little man runs naked through the house after his snack
6. When your little man runs naked through the house after waking up
7. When your little man runs naked through the house before bed (noticing a pattern?)
8. When your little lady throws a flailing tantrum in the grocery store over not getting the Cookie Crisp cereal
9. When the PTA President gives you "that look" for bringing store bought cupcakes to the bake sale.
10. When the Principal has to call you to tell you that your son gave his friend an atomic wedgie
11. When your pre-teen rolls her eyes at you for the first time
12. When your pre teen rolls her eyes at you for the thirty seventh time
13. When your teenager rolls her eyes and sighs loudly every....time.....you......talk
14. When your kids just won't stop arguing....and you're there listening.
15. When after all of these things you still feel that insane love for your kids and realize that there is nothing they can ever do to change that...
1. When the baby pees on you...if you're lucky, it's not in your face
2. When the baby poops through his clothes....in public
3. When your toddler repeats the swear word you accidentally said in front of her....in front of your mother in law
4. When your little man runs naked through the house after his bath
5. When your little man runs naked through the house after his snack
6. When your little man runs naked through the house after waking up
7. When your little man runs naked through the house before bed (noticing a pattern?)
8. When your little lady throws a flailing tantrum in the grocery store over not getting the Cookie Crisp cereal
9. When the PTA President gives you "that look" for bringing store bought cupcakes to the bake sale.
10. When the Principal has to call you to tell you that your son gave his friend an atomic wedgie
11. When your pre-teen rolls her eyes at you for the first time
12. When your pre teen rolls her eyes at you for the thirty seventh time
13. When your teenager rolls her eyes and sighs loudly every....time.....you......talk
14. When your kids just won't stop arguing....and you're there listening.
15. When after all of these things you still feel that insane love for your kids and realize that there is nothing they can ever do to change that...
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Parents Who Say Fu**
I was recently told by someone in authority that I speak very eloquently. I absolutely appreciate the compliment. In fact, it means more to me than I can possibly say. I'm told that I use too many "$20 words", which I attribute to working with kids all day long and needing to have that adult interaction. It's something that I am proud of but I don't , often, consider.
Here's why....
My frequent use of profanity. Let me preface this part by saying that I can absolutely control it. I can be in a public situation and speak like an adult. Yes, I understand that there is a theory that profanity shows lack of intelligence (which I find to be ridiculous because I know plenty of brilliant people who say the "f" word on a regular basis). Yes I understand that there are productive ways to express myself without profanity. I understand all of the arguments AGAINST use of profanity. I've heard it all. I've heard everything from it being a sin to a disgrace as a parent. Spare me.
So why do I swear?
I swear because sometimes "oh cheese and crackers" just doesn't cut it. Sometimes just mumbling the phrase "oh for fu**'s sake" is a great tension breaker. When I'm watching a football game, sometimes "what the fu** was THAT" is the best possible phrase to describe how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a noun and sometimes it's an adjective. Occasionally, it's even a verb. The fact is that these words are fluid and sometimes they are the best word to sum up what I need to say.
"But your kids are going to swear too."
This argument is hysterical to me. 1- They hear me say it and know that it's an "adult" word and when they're adults, they can choose to use it or not. 2- There are some things that kids need to realize are not appropriate for them because they're kids. It's a clearly defined line, thank you very much. 3- If you think for a heartbeat of a second that your teenager isn't swearing behind your back anyway, you're crazy. Believe me, they're doing it. In fact, your younger kids might be doing it too. Realistically, if they are practicing restraint, they clearly understand the general rules of profanity in public anyway.
"But you're such a pretty girl, why do you need to have such a filthy mouth?"
Are you kidding me? I've seen some absolutely stunning women who have the intelligence of an apricot pit. I'd much sooner hear the "f" word coming out of a pretty girl's mouth than have her give an uninformed, unintelligent commentary on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."
"But those words are offensive."
Offensive to whom? Why is everyone so offended by everything nowadays? I think there are words that are far more offensive than any profane word that I use. The use of the word "retard" would be a great example of a FAR more offensive word (yes, retarded can mean slow as in "my computer's fan seems to be retarded but most people aren't using it in that fashion). Any racial or homophobic slur is the same way. These words are far more offensive. I suppose that the context is key. Either way, something being offensive is pretty commonplace these days.
The point of all of this is that there are plenty of great parents in this world that use profanity on a daily basis and their kids are honor students (as in my case), don't swear and are well-rounded, polite children. Don't jump to a conclusion about my use of the "f "word and I won't jump to a conclusion about your lack thereof.
Here's why....
My frequent use of profanity. Let me preface this part by saying that I can absolutely control it. I can be in a public situation and speak like an adult. Yes, I understand that there is a theory that profanity shows lack of intelligence (which I find to be ridiculous because I know plenty of brilliant people who say the "f" word on a regular basis). Yes I understand that there are productive ways to express myself without profanity. I understand all of the arguments AGAINST use of profanity. I've heard it all. I've heard everything from it being a sin to a disgrace as a parent. Spare me.
So why do I swear?
I swear because sometimes "oh cheese and crackers" just doesn't cut it. Sometimes just mumbling the phrase "oh for fu**'s sake" is a great tension breaker. When I'm watching a football game, sometimes "what the fu** was THAT" is the best possible phrase to describe how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a noun and sometimes it's an adjective. Occasionally, it's even a verb. The fact is that these words are fluid and sometimes they are the best word to sum up what I need to say.
"But your kids are going to swear too."
This argument is hysterical to me. 1- They hear me say it and know that it's an "adult" word and when they're adults, they can choose to use it or not. 2- There are some things that kids need to realize are not appropriate for them because they're kids. It's a clearly defined line, thank you very much. 3- If you think for a heartbeat of a second that your teenager isn't swearing behind your back anyway, you're crazy. Believe me, they're doing it. In fact, your younger kids might be doing it too. Realistically, if they are practicing restraint, they clearly understand the general rules of profanity in public anyway.
"But you're such a pretty girl, why do you need to have such a filthy mouth?"
Are you kidding me? I've seen some absolutely stunning women who have the intelligence of an apricot pit. I'd much sooner hear the "f" word coming out of a pretty girl's mouth than have her give an uninformed, unintelligent commentary on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."
"But those words are offensive."
Offensive to whom? Why is everyone so offended by everything nowadays? I think there are words that are far more offensive than any profane word that I use. The use of the word "retard" would be a great example of a FAR more offensive word (yes, retarded can mean slow as in "my computer's fan seems to be retarded but most people aren't using it in that fashion). Any racial or homophobic slur is the same way. These words are far more offensive. I suppose that the context is key. Either way, something being offensive is pretty commonplace these days.
The point of all of this is that there are plenty of great parents in this world that use profanity on a daily basis and their kids are honor students (as in my case), don't swear and are well-rounded, polite children. Don't jump to a conclusion about my use of the "f "word and I won't jump to a conclusion about your lack thereof.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Micromanaging Our Kids
I saw an article this morning about a school who hired a "playground consultant" to make recess more inclusive. Honestly, it makes me cringe. Great, no scratch that..AMAZING, intention but awful awful execution. Here's the thing: we need to stop micromanaging our kids. Why? Here goes....
Back in the day, kids were allowed to just be kids. They were allowed to like or dislike other kids. They were allowed to fail if they didn't do their homework. They were allowed to be reprimanded by teachers. They were allowed to get a whooping or stand in a corner if they misbehaved. They were allowed to have their mouths washed out with soap. They were allowed to learn from their mistakes without their parents stepping in to prevent them from experiencing the hard stuff. Am I suggesting that life was perfect back then? Of course not. What I am definitely pointing out is that kids were learning to be productive adults back then. They were learning how to cope with their feelings and that life isn't always fair or fun.
Flash forward to the current generation. Now kids are told that they have to like everyone and include everyone all of the time. Kids are reprimanded for having people that they prefer. The irony? We're told that we shouldn't push our kids to hug, smile or respect adults without the adults jumping through hoops because it tramples a kid's rights. Now kids are told that there's always an opportunity to turn in late assignments that they decide that they don't want to do. Now, kids are told that teachers and school staff aren't allowed to punish them. Parents step in if a teacher tells a child that they aren't making good decisions and teachers are treated like villians. Now, it's more difficult to give a kid consequences because everything either "hurts their spirit" or is considered illegal. And we wonder why we have a generation of entitled, bratty kids coming up.
Notice the difference between the old generation and the current one? Let me spell it out....life experience. When you constantly micromanage someone, you are preventing them from learning from life experience. If they aren't allowed to experience negative consequence, they will never learn why they shouldn't do something. They also miss out on the rewards, though. They never get a chance to truly feel like they earned something if someone is constantly telling them every single rule that needs to be made.
So why does the playground committee make me cringe? Well, it's simple. Yes, I understand that bullying is a big deal. I am a HUGE supporter of options like "buddy benches." Why? Because it teaches kids that they need to take the initiative to speak for themselves. If you're feeling left out, sit on the bench. If you see someone on the bench, go talk to them. It gives kids the power to do something to help themselves. It teaches them not to rely on a teacher to force someone to socialize with them. However, when you start treating playgrounds as if they're tiny jail yards, you start creating a bunch of tiny convicts. You can't force kids to like someone else. Maybe they don't share interests or maybe their personalities just don't mesh. When you force them to play with these kids and teach them that they have to like everyone and treat every single person the same, you teach them that their preferences no longer matter. Should we be teaching them compassion and just plain friendliness? Of course. Should we force feed them stories of why they need to invite everyone to their party? No.
Here is my other issue with this: If kids are forced into liking everyone, they don't learn the lessons from being excluded. Yes, it's painful to be excluded. I totally agree. With that being said, you don't get the same treatment as an adult. Your boss doesn't travel around the office singing folk songs and explaining why you should invite everyone to happy hour. As an adult, you're expected to take initiative yourself. You're expected to find someone who shares common interests and that you get along with. If you never let your kids experience rejection, they never learn to take initiative for yourself. Maybe if more kids were allowed to experience a little bit of heartache (with a support system of family/friends to console them and help THEM take initiative to fix it), there would be less kids going on rampages or committing suicide. Just food for thought. Instead of teaching kids that others are cruel if they don't include them, maybe we should be teaching them that not every other peer's opinion matters and that they should find friends that have similar interests. God forbid we HELP them instead of doing it for them.
What this all comes down to is that we are hindering this generation by micromanaging them. We are teaching them that they need to rely on us to think (and in the same breath, teaching them why they don't have to respect adults). We're teaching them that their preferences don't matter and then, with our actions, teaching them that they should express themselves freely. Letting your kids succeed and fail while you support them will do them much more good, in the long run, than forcing them into a path that you've forged.
Back in the day, kids were allowed to just be kids. They were allowed to like or dislike other kids. They were allowed to fail if they didn't do their homework. They were allowed to be reprimanded by teachers. They were allowed to get a whooping or stand in a corner if they misbehaved. They were allowed to have their mouths washed out with soap. They were allowed to learn from their mistakes without their parents stepping in to prevent them from experiencing the hard stuff. Am I suggesting that life was perfect back then? Of course not. What I am definitely pointing out is that kids were learning to be productive adults back then. They were learning how to cope with their feelings and that life isn't always fair or fun.
Flash forward to the current generation. Now kids are told that they have to like everyone and include everyone all of the time. Kids are reprimanded for having people that they prefer. The irony? We're told that we shouldn't push our kids to hug, smile or respect adults without the adults jumping through hoops because it tramples a kid's rights. Now kids are told that there's always an opportunity to turn in late assignments that they decide that they don't want to do. Now, kids are told that teachers and school staff aren't allowed to punish them. Parents step in if a teacher tells a child that they aren't making good decisions and teachers are treated like villians. Now, it's more difficult to give a kid consequences because everything either "hurts their spirit" or is considered illegal. And we wonder why we have a generation of entitled, bratty kids coming up.
Notice the difference between the old generation and the current one? Let me spell it out....life experience. When you constantly micromanage someone, you are preventing them from learning from life experience. If they aren't allowed to experience negative consequence, they will never learn why they shouldn't do something. They also miss out on the rewards, though. They never get a chance to truly feel like they earned something if someone is constantly telling them every single rule that needs to be made.
So why does the playground committee make me cringe? Well, it's simple. Yes, I understand that bullying is a big deal. I am a HUGE supporter of options like "buddy benches." Why? Because it teaches kids that they need to take the initiative to speak for themselves. If you're feeling left out, sit on the bench. If you see someone on the bench, go talk to them. It gives kids the power to do something to help themselves. It teaches them not to rely on a teacher to force someone to socialize with them. However, when you start treating playgrounds as if they're tiny jail yards, you start creating a bunch of tiny convicts. You can't force kids to like someone else. Maybe they don't share interests or maybe their personalities just don't mesh. When you force them to play with these kids and teach them that they have to like everyone and treat every single person the same, you teach them that their preferences no longer matter. Should we be teaching them compassion and just plain friendliness? Of course. Should we force feed them stories of why they need to invite everyone to their party? No.
Here is my other issue with this: If kids are forced into liking everyone, they don't learn the lessons from being excluded. Yes, it's painful to be excluded. I totally agree. With that being said, you don't get the same treatment as an adult. Your boss doesn't travel around the office singing folk songs and explaining why you should invite everyone to happy hour. As an adult, you're expected to take initiative yourself. You're expected to find someone who shares common interests and that you get along with. If you never let your kids experience rejection, they never learn to take initiative for yourself. Maybe if more kids were allowed to experience a little bit of heartache (with a support system of family/friends to console them and help THEM take initiative to fix it), there would be less kids going on rampages or committing suicide. Just food for thought. Instead of teaching kids that others are cruel if they don't include them, maybe we should be teaching them that not every other peer's opinion matters and that they should find friends that have similar interests. God forbid we HELP them instead of doing it for them.
What this all comes down to is that we are hindering this generation by micromanaging them. We are teaching them that they need to rely on us to think (and in the same breath, teaching them why they don't have to respect adults). We're teaching them that their preferences don't matter and then, with our actions, teaching them that they should express themselves freely. Letting your kids succeed and fail while you support them will do them much more good, in the long run, than forcing them into a path that you've forged.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Open Letter to Working Moms / Open Letter to Stay at Home Moms
Dear Working Mom,
You're doing great! You probably wish you didn't have to work or, at least, not so much. You probably wish that you could be at all of those functions at your kids' school or that you didn't miss a first word or step. In this, I mourn with you. I mourn the times that I miss with my kids just as much as you mourn your time lost. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with sadness over not being there, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every single moment you have with them. Even if you're tired, you're still fighting a great battle. You may not be able to provide quantity, but you're providing them quality time. You may never have time for yourself but you make time for them. You may feel like you're not doing enough but, Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up, Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you think you slacked because you bought cookies instead of making them, your kids are proud to bring in something to donate to their classroom party. On the days when you're feeling defeated and you just throw a frozen pizza in the oven, your kids are excited that they get pizza for dinner. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
************************
Dear Stay at Home Mom,
You're doing great! You probably wish you could have a break...even if it's just for a couple of hours. You're wishing that you could take a bath or go to the bathroom in peace just one time. In this, I feel your pain. I feel for you every single time that you have a moment of complete frazzled craziness and hit your breaking point. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with stress, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every moment you have with them. I know you're tired, Mama. I know you never get a break. I know you're juggling a million jobs and you almost never get the recognition that you truly deserve. I know that you're kicking butt and taking names and it feels like there's no reward for it besides the smiles of your kids....and more work. You may feel like you're not doing enough but Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you're sitting in a house full of unvacuumed carpet, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry and you feel like you've failed, you're looking at kids that have had true time filled with real life learning and bonding that they'd never get anywhere else. On the days when you're feeling exhausted and guilty for putting them in front of a movie just to get something done, they're excited that they get to watch a movie for no reason at all. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
I think that both of these types of mamas need to hear this every now and then :)
You're doing great! You probably wish you didn't have to work or, at least, not so much. You probably wish that you could be at all of those functions at your kids' school or that you didn't miss a first word or step. In this, I mourn with you. I mourn the times that I miss with my kids just as much as you mourn your time lost. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with sadness over not being there, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every single moment you have with them. Even if you're tired, you're still fighting a great battle. You may not be able to provide quantity, but you're providing them quality time. You may never have time for yourself but you make time for them. You may feel like you're not doing enough but, Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up, Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you think you slacked because you bought cookies instead of making them, your kids are proud to bring in something to donate to their classroom party. On the days when you're feeling defeated and you just throw a frozen pizza in the oven, your kids are excited that they get pizza for dinner. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
************************
Dear Stay at Home Mom,
You're doing great! You probably wish you could have a break...even if it's just for a couple of hours. You're wishing that you could take a bath or go to the bathroom in peace just one time. In this, I feel your pain. I feel for you every single time that you have a moment of complete frazzled craziness and hit your breaking point. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed with stress, remember that you're doing this for a cause; you're doing this to give your kids a real life. You're fighting a great battle, Mama!
Cherish every moment you have with them. I know you're tired, Mama. I know you never get a break. I know you're juggling a million jobs and you almost never get the recognition that you truly deserve. I know that you're kicking butt and taking names and it feels like there's no reward for it besides the smiles of your kids....and more work. You may feel like you're not doing enough but Mama, you are MORE than enough. Your presence with them is of unmatchable importance and you're making it count! You're doing a great job!
Keep your chin up Mama, because the days that you think you're only doing so-so, your kids think you're the greatest mom in the world. On the days when you're sitting in a house full of unvacuumed carpet, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry and you feel like you've failed, you're looking at kids that have had true time filled with real life learning and bonding that they'd never get anywhere else. On the days when you're feeling exhausted and guilty for putting them in front of a movie just to get something done, they're excited that they get to watch a movie for no reason at all. You are stronger and smarter and more wonderful than you can imagine. You are a great mom. You're doing great things!
Sincerely,
Me
I think that both of these types of mamas need to hear this every now and then :)
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
The 5 Moms at the PTSA Meetings
In honor of the PTSA meetings starting up, I wanted to make a fun post. Let me preface by saying this is strictly from my own experiences so please don't turn this into a fussy post where you take it all personally. Without further ado.....
The Organizer: You know this mom. She may be the President or she may just be a super mom that has the ability to plan and execute every activity all year long (the person that SHOULD be the President of the PTSA). She's going to be loud and proud and not let her opinion go unheard. She's going to be on top of things all of the time. Her kids are probably dressed to the nines every day at school and she never misses a meeting. She'll hear you out every time because she just wants the parents to get involved. Generally these moms are friendly and light hearted but very strong willed (you have to be for some of these tasks) and a born leader.
The Bitter Wanna Be Organizer This is the mom that is still ticked off that she didn't win the votes to be the President of the PTSA....or maybe she didn't put her hat in the running but is bitter AT the President of the PTSA because "she could do a better job." Ironically this mom will only pick and choose her tasks but she will kick butt at every task she does, regardless of how exhausted she gets. She can be found sitting at the back of the meeting mumbling to another bitter parent or her spouse about how she should be the one leading the meetings. (Side note: If this mom DOES get to be President and sees how hard it is, it's humbling for her and her attitude can sometimes change for the positive).
The Super Involved Stay at Home Mom This mom might not directly want to be involved in the staff of the PTSA but she definitely wants to help. She's at every even helping and volunteering. She is often the mom that uses Pinterest as her secret weapon and can create anything with a little whimsy. She will often drive to and from meetings or help out the moms that can't make it to the meetings or events due to work.
The Barely Makes it or Comes Late Working Mom Guilty as charged. These moms work on schedules that either have them coming in late or leaving early so they can still make it to their job. They want to be involved but can't always be at the events that occur during the day. In fact, they need crazy amounts of planning in order to be able to make it there period. Their intentions are good but their ability to be in two places at once is very evident.
and finally....
The Spectator These are the parents that come to vote and that's about as far as their involvement goes. It's not a bad thing. They may join in once or twice if they get a special call from the PTSA staffers but they generally are just coming to the meetings to know what's going on in their kids' lives.
and an added bonus..... the Absentee Ballot: These are the parents that pay the fee, join the PTSA and then never do another thing the whole year. Still important for paying the fees and contributing, these parents are absolutely never at any meetings or events the whole year. It's not that they don't care about their kids, they just don't care about the PTSA and they CERTAINLY do not want to volunteer.
Again, this post is designed to be fun so have a little giggle at where you see yourself in here. Get involved where you can when you can and support your PTSA!
THE FIVE MOMS YOU FIND AT THE PTSA MEETINGS....
The Organizer: You know this mom. She may be the President or she may just be a super mom that has the ability to plan and execute every activity all year long (the person that SHOULD be the President of the PTSA). She's going to be loud and proud and not let her opinion go unheard. She's going to be on top of things all of the time. Her kids are probably dressed to the nines every day at school and she never misses a meeting. She'll hear you out every time because she just wants the parents to get involved. Generally these moms are friendly and light hearted but very strong willed (you have to be for some of these tasks) and a born leader.
The Bitter Wanna Be Organizer This is the mom that is still ticked off that she didn't win the votes to be the President of the PTSA....or maybe she didn't put her hat in the running but is bitter AT the President of the PTSA because "she could do a better job." Ironically this mom will only pick and choose her tasks but she will kick butt at every task she does, regardless of how exhausted she gets. She can be found sitting at the back of the meeting mumbling to another bitter parent or her spouse about how she should be the one leading the meetings. (Side note: If this mom DOES get to be President and sees how hard it is, it's humbling for her and her attitude can sometimes change for the positive).
The Super Involved Stay at Home Mom This mom might not directly want to be involved in the staff of the PTSA but she definitely wants to help. She's at every even helping and volunteering. She is often the mom that uses Pinterest as her secret weapon and can create anything with a little whimsy. She will often drive to and from meetings or help out the moms that can't make it to the meetings or events due to work.
The Barely Makes it or Comes Late Working Mom Guilty as charged. These moms work on schedules that either have them coming in late or leaving early so they can still make it to their job. They want to be involved but can't always be at the events that occur during the day. In fact, they need crazy amounts of planning in order to be able to make it there period. Their intentions are good but their ability to be in two places at once is very evident.
and finally....
The Spectator These are the parents that come to vote and that's about as far as their involvement goes. It's not a bad thing. They may join in once or twice if they get a special call from the PTSA staffers but they generally are just coming to the meetings to know what's going on in their kids' lives.
and an added bonus..... the Absentee Ballot: These are the parents that pay the fee, join the PTSA and then never do another thing the whole year. Still important for paying the fees and contributing, these parents are absolutely never at any meetings or events the whole year. It's not that they don't care about their kids, they just don't care about the PTSA and they CERTAINLY do not want to volunteer.
Again, this post is designed to be fun so have a little giggle at where you see yourself in here. Get involved where you can when you can and support your PTSA!
Friday, August 14, 2015
Men are NOT Inept
There is a viral video circulating currently with a Dad trying to change his baby's diaper and gagging from the odor to the point of vomiting. Honestly, I couldn't make it through it because watching him gag actually makes me gag more than ANY diaper I've ever changed. It occurs to me that people seem to get a kick out of making fun of dads being incredibly inept. They seem to get a giggle from watching men struggle to deal with things like contraction-level pain, changing diapers, trying to manage more than one child and so on. The common theme? A lot of these men appear to be clueless when it comes to raising children. Here's the reality, in my opinion....
Realistically, yes, there are clueless men trying to parent. Then again, consider how many clueless women there are too. In fact, aren't we all just a LITTLE clueless in how to handle our kids sometimes. How much experience you have combined with how much you CHOOSE to learn about kids ultimately affects how clueless you are about your kids. Are there men that aren't interested to learn? Absolutely. Are there women that do the same? For sure. Regardless, not all men are clueless. In fact, they are actually pretty on top of things most of the time.
A whole lot of women like to think of men as stunted when it comes to parenting because dads aren't doing things the way that moms would do it. There's a reason for that and, put bluntly and realistically, it hangs between their legs. Men are men and women are women. They think differently because that's how they were created. They do things different because they think differently. And ladies, even if you consider me a traitor to the gender, just because they're doing it differently doesn't mean it's not right. He may take more or fewer steps to do something than you would but it still gets done. They're not stunted; they're just approaching it differently.
Most of these same women seem to think it's funny to make jokes about men being clueless when it comes to being dads because it makes them feel better as a mom. It stems back to the theory that they need to put someone else down in order to feel better. It's not always with a mean spirit. In fact, a lot of these women are just feeling self conscious and looking for a way to feel better. With that being said, the direct effect of doing this is that men feel like crap and don't want to help....and then we get mad that they're not helping. Vicious circle.
I, personally, have seen dads juggle things just as well as, if not better in some cases, than moms. They can braid little Susie's hair, pick out clothes for school and get their lunches packed just as well as moms. Frankly, I love seeing dads be involved. I think it's a really great concept for kids to understand that mom may do things this way and dad may do it that way but it always gets done. Then again, I'm an advocate for "don't teach them WHAT to think; teach them HOW to think."
I guess what it all comes down to is this:
In the country, nowadays, there are a whole lot of divorced families with dads that are parenting on their own when their kids are with them. There are a lot of families where the mom works and the dad stays at home. There are a lot of families where both parents work but the dad is incredibly involved. These men are not supporting characters and their kids are benefiting from learning that Dads are on top of things too. I'm all for some harmless laughs but let's not forget, when we're watching, that these men may gag when they change the diaper but they're still changing it. Let's give the involved dads in this world a hand and let them know they're appreciated.
Side note: Fellas, I DO think the labor pain video is funny. Don't get me wrong, there are PLENTY of things men have to deal with that women don't but the simulation of labor pain video nails it. You can "get it" that we're in pain when we're in labor but watching someone truly feel it for the first time is gratifying to some small degree.
Realistically, yes, there are clueless men trying to parent. Then again, consider how many clueless women there are too. In fact, aren't we all just a LITTLE clueless in how to handle our kids sometimes. How much experience you have combined with how much you CHOOSE to learn about kids ultimately affects how clueless you are about your kids. Are there men that aren't interested to learn? Absolutely. Are there women that do the same? For sure. Regardless, not all men are clueless. In fact, they are actually pretty on top of things most of the time.
A whole lot of women like to think of men as stunted when it comes to parenting because dads aren't doing things the way that moms would do it. There's a reason for that and, put bluntly and realistically, it hangs between their legs. Men are men and women are women. They think differently because that's how they were created. They do things different because they think differently. And ladies, even if you consider me a traitor to the gender, just because they're doing it differently doesn't mean it's not right. He may take more or fewer steps to do something than you would but it still gets done. They're not stunted; they're just approaching it differently.
Most of these same women seem to think it's funny to make jokes about men being clueless when it comes to being dads because it makes them feel better as a mom. It stems back to the theory that they need to put someone else down in order to feel better. It's not always with a mean spirit. In fact, a lot of these women are just feeling self conscious and looking for a way to feel better. With that being said, the direct effect of doing this is that men feel like crap and don't want to help....and then we get mad that they're not helping. Vicious circle.
I, personally, have seen dads juggle things just as well as, if not better in some cases, than moms. They can braid little Susie's hair, pick out clothes for school and get their lunches packed just as well as moms. Frankly, I love seeing dads be involved. I think it's a really great concept for kids to understand that mom may do things this way and dad may do it that way but it always gets done. Then again, I'm an advocate for "don't teach them WHAT to think; teach them HOW to think."
I guess what it all comes down to is this:
In the country, nowadays, there are a whole lot of divorced families with dads that are parenting on their own when their kids are with them. There are a lot of families where the mom works and the dad stays at home. There are a lot of families where both parents work but the dad is incredibly involved. These men are not supporting characters and their kids are benefiting from learning that Dads are on top of things too. I'm all for some harmless laughs but let's not forget, when we're watching, that these men may gag when they change the diaper but they're still changing it. Let's give the involved dads in this world a hand and let them know they're appreciated.
Side note: Fellas, I DO think the labor pain video is funny. Don't get me wrong, there are PLENTY of things men have to deal with that women don't but the simulation of labor pain video nails it. You can "get it" that we're in pain when we're in labor but watching someone truly feel it for the first time is gratifying to some small degree.
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