Parents Who Say Fu**

I was recently told by someone in authority that I speak very eloquently.  I absolutely appreciate the compliment.  In fact, it means more to me than I can possibly say.  I'm told that I use too many "$20 words", which I attribute to working with kids all day long and needing to have that adult interaction. It's something that I am proud of but I don't , often, consider.

Here's why....

My frequent use of profanity.  Let me preface this part by saying that I can absolutely control it.  I can be in a public situation and speak like an adult.  Yes, I understand that there is a theory that profanity shows lack of intelligence (which I find to be ridiculous because I know plenty of brilliant people who say the "f" word on a regular basis).  Yes I understand that there are productive ways to express myself without profanity.  I understand all of the arguments AGAINST use of profanity.  I've heard it all.  I've heard everything from it being a sin to a disgrace as a parent.  Spare me.

So why do I swear?

I swear because sometimes "oh cheese and crackers" just doesn't cut it.  Sometimes just mumbling the phrase "oh for fu**'s sake" is a great tension breaker.  When I'm watching a football game, sometimes "what the fu** was THAT"  is the best possible phrase to describe how I'm feeling.  Sometimes it's a noun and sometimes it's an adjective.  Occasionally, it's even a verb.  The fact is that these words are fluid and sometimes they are the best word to sum up what I need to say.

"But your kids are going to swear too."

This argument is hysterical to me.  1- They hear me say it and know that it's an "adult" word and when they're adults, they can choose to use it or not.  2- There are some things that kids need to realize are not appropriate for them because they're kids.  It's a clearly defined line, thank you very much. 3- If you think for a heartbeat of a second that your teenager isn't swearing behind your back anyway, you're crazy.  Believe me, they're doing it.  In fact, your younger kids might be doing it too.  Realistically, if they are practicing restraint, they clearly understand the general rules of profanity in public anyway.

"But you're such a pretty girl, why do you need to have such a filthy mouth?"

Are you kidding me?  I've seen some absolutely stunning women who have the intelligence of an apricot pit.  I'd much sooner hear the "f" word coming out of a pretty girl's mouth than have her give an uninformed, unintelligent commentary on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

"But those words are offensive."

Offensive to whom?  Why is everyone so offended by everything nowadays?  I think there are words that are far more offensive than any profane word that I use.  The use of the word "retard" would be a great example of a FAR more offensive word (yes, retarded can mean slow as in "my computer's fan seems to be retarded but most people aren't using it in that fashion).  Any racial or homophobic slur is the same way.  These words are far more offensive.  I suppose that the context is key.  Either way, something being offensive is pretty commonplace these days.

The point of all of this is that there are plenty of great parents in this world that use profanity on a daily basis and their kids are honor students (as in my case), don't swear and are well-rounded, polite children.  Don't jump to a conclusion about my use of the "f "word and I won't jump to a conclusion about your lack thereof.

Things I Wish I'd Have Known In My 20's

I was having a discussion yesterday on things that change as adults and we were saying, "Why didn't someone tell us this stuff?"  The truth is that someone probably did and, in our 20 year old I know everything fog, we probably ignored them.  The truth is that our parents probably told us to beware, be careful and a million other phrases to show that they cared and we probably blew them off because, "duh, they're old...what do they know?"  So here are some of the things I wish I'd have known in my teens and twenties:

Friends will go their own way.  I know it's hard to believe but a good portion of your friends will disappear.  They'll just up and disappear.  It's sad and, frankly, changes the way you look at everything.  The good news is that you will likely have some that will stick around for life.  The bad news is that your entire outlook on friendship will change until the end of time and it's, often, a hard transition.

"Playing house" is only fun for a month or two.  You get all independent and bold and say, "I'm moving out."  If you're a truly prepared youngter, you've run the numbers for what it will cost for your bills and you know that you're on top of things.  You're prepared.  You're not like all the other kids.....until you are.  Something comes up and you're sent stumbling again.  It's fun for a little while until your life goes topsy turvy.  That's when you tell whether you're ready to make it on your own yet or not.

Menopause sucks so don't bitch about your period  I haven't even gotten into the total package but have started experiencing symptoms of perimenopause (due to a hysterectomy) and, believe me, it's awful.  Take your couple of days a month of discomfort and blah to constant hot flashes, mood swings, and a million other crap symptoms.  It's like puberty in a sauna....everything awful you hated about those years comes back, only now you're doing it inside an incinerator.

Saying "never" about kids' behavior is asking for it in your future children  Go ahead....test it.  Keep saying, "Well my kid will NEVER do that."  We will all stand here and grin when it's your child's most dominant quality.  God has a funny sense of humor.

Taxes suck  They really, truly do.  You work your ass off and your paycheck disappears to taxes, social security and other things.  Granted, if you claim "0" you get back a lump sum (most of the time) in the spring but it still sucks watching your money wave buh-bye during the rest of the year.

Your body will change  Whether you have kids or you don't have kids, it will change.  If you have kids, it'll change sooner.  People spend millions of dollars every year trying to change their bodies back to what they looked  like in their 20's....they're fooling no one.  Enjoy your body in your 20's because your 30's and beyond change everything.

You will never have a more free time (if you don't have kids) than now  As you age, responsibilities pile on.  You will never have a more free time (assuming you don't have kids) than you have now.  Enjoy!  It doesn't mean you have to be crazy...just enjoy the ability to go do something on a whim.

You will feel EVERYTHING you do in your 20s in your 30s.  Now here's where I'm lucky.  I had a mellow 20's (because I had kids...and because I'm rather boring in that way).  Some of my nearest and dearest didn't....and now they reep the effects.  The negative things you didn't think affected your body will pop back up soon.  It's crazy but true.

The concept of your inability to recover as quickly in your 30s and beyond is totally true  Your body chemistry changes.  Your ability to recover from physical activity or, in the case of people who drink themselves into stupor, hangover is greatly reduced.  It takes longer and you feel it more.  It sucks.

There are many more things but this is a starter.  Take it with a grain of salt if you don't believe me but you will think back on reading this and say, "Ugh, she was right."  Life doesn't get any easier....enjoy your 20s.