I saw an article this morning about a school who hired a "playground consultant" to make recess more inclusive. Honestly, it makes me cringe. Great, no scratch that..AMAZING, intention but awful awful execution. Here's the thing: we need to stop micromanaging our kids. Why? Here goes....
Back in the day, kids were allowed to just be kids. They were allowed to like or dislike other kids. They were allowed to fail if they didn't do their homework. They were allowed to be reprimanded by teachers. They were allowed to get a whooping or stand in a corner if they misbehaved. They were allowed to have their mouths washed out with soap. They were allowed to learn from their mistakes without their parents stepping in to prevent them from experiencing the hard stuff. Am I suggesting that life was perfect back then? Of course not. What I am definitely pointing out is that kids were learning to be productive adults back then. They were learning how to cope with their feelings and that life isn't always fair or fun.
Flash forward to the current generation. Now kids are told that they have to like everyone and include everyone all of the time. Kids are reprimanded for having people that they prefer. The irony? We're told that we shouldn't push our kids to hug, smile or respect adults without the adults jumping through hoops because it tramples a kid's rights. Now kids are told that there's always an opportunity to turn in late assignments that they decide that they don't want to do. Now, kids are told that teachers and school staff aren't allowed to punish them. Parents step in if a teacher tells a child that they aren't making good decisions and teachers are treated like villians. Now, it's more difficult to give a kid consequences because everything either "hurts their spirit" or is considered illegal. And we wonder why we have a generation of entitled, bratty kids coming up.
Notice the difference between the old generation and the current one? Let me spell it out....life experience. When you constantly micromanage someone, you are preventing them from learning from life experience. If they aren't allowed to experience negative consequence, they will never learn why they shouldn't do something. They also miss out on the rewards, though. They never get a chance to truly feel like they earned something if someone is constantly telling them every single rule that needs to be made.
So why does the playground committee make me cringe? Well, it's simple. Yes, I understand that bullying is a big deal. I am a HUGE supporter of options like "buddy benches." Why? Because it teaches kids that they need to take the initiative to speak for themselves. If you're feeling left out, sit on the bench. If you see someone on the bench, go talk to them. It gives kids the power to do something to help themselves. It teaches them not to rely on a teacher to force someone to socialize with them. However, when you start treating playgrounds as if they're tiny jail yards, you start creating a bunch of tiny convicts. You can't force kids to like someone else. Maybe they don't share interests or maybe their personalities just don't mesh. When you force them to play with these kids and teach them that they have to like everyone and treat every single person the same, you teach them that their preferences no longer matter. Should we be teaching them compassion and just plain friendliness? Of course. Should we force feed them stories of why they need to invite everyone to their party? No.
Here is my other issue with this: If kids are forced into liking everyone, they don't learn the lessons from being excluded. Yes, it's painful to be excluded. I totally agree. With that being said, you don't get the same treatment as an adult. Your boss doesn't travel around the office singing folk songs and explaining why you should invite everyone to happy hour. As an adult, you're expected to take initiative yourself. You're expected to find someone who shares common interests and that you get along with. If you never let your kids experience rejection, they never learn to take initiative for yourself. Maybe if more kids were allowed to experience a little bit of heartache (with a support system of family/friends to console them and help THEM take initiative to fix it), there would be less kids going on rampages or committing suicide. Just food for thought. Instead of teaching kids that others are cruel if they don't include them, maybe we should be teaching them that not every other peer's opinion matters and that they should find friends that have similar interests. God forbid we HELP them instead of doing it for them.
What this all comes down to is that we are hindering this generation by micromanaging them. We are teaching them that they need to rely on us to think (and in the same breath, teaching them why they don't have to respect adults). We're teaching them that their preferences don't matter and then, with our actions, teaching them that they should express themselves freely. Letting your kids succeed and fail while you support them will do them much more good, in the long run, than forcing them into a path that you've forged.
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