I am going to preface this post by saying that it's going to make some people roll their eyes. It will make some say that I'm a sap. It'll make some call me a hippie. I'm okay with all of these. In fact, I understand that this approach isn't for everyone. This is strictly meant as a different perspective. This is meant to give you some food for thought and, perhaps, inspire you to try to improve on what you're already doing. Growing and learning is part of being an adult, just as much as a child.
With all of that said, I have spent the last few years attempting to change the way I think. Sounds strange, right? It's not as strange as you think. In fact, it's very simple: I want to improve on who I am little by little. Why? Because I believe if you're not growing, you're not living your life in a productive manner. The definition of "growing" may vary from person to person but there are always ways to improve on who you are.
One of my focuses has been not to sweat the small stuff (as the book says). For someone who is a worrier, this is a daily conscious effort. It doesn't come naturally, in the least. At first, I had to start slowly and, at one point, even had a counselor helping me. Her viewpoint was that if I could think of the worst possible scenario and I'd still survive and be able to move on, I'd be able to realize that not everything is worthy of worrying. Her approach worked. It wasn't without bad days and it wasn't without kicking and screaming through the beginning of it, but it truly worked. In fact, it comes much more naturally than it used to now. I know that, ultimately, God has control and that sitting here worrying isn't going to change a thing.
Ultimately, one of my current workings is on flipping my perspective. For nearly a year now, I've been trying to flip my perspective and focus on the positive with my kids. Instead of being irritated that they didn't do their chores correctly, I've tried to be thankful for the fact that they were so excited to get outside and run around. Instead of being upset that we're eating dinner so late, I'm thankful that we all get to sit down together as a family. Instead of focusing so much on what I'm irritated with, I'm trying hard to focus on what I'm thankful about in the situation. Truth is, it's working! It's benefiting my relationship with my kids. It's benefiting my mental and emotional well-being. It's benefiting so many areas of my life. It's coming more naturally now and it's truly creating happiness in what used to be stressful situations.
Now, before you rule me out as an overly touchy feely parent, I say the following: it doesn't mean there aren't punishments. If they don't do their chores correctly, it doesn't mean I just blow it off. It means that, after dinner, they finish the chores correctly instead of having free time to do something fun. They still get privileges taken away. They still get grounded. It's just significantly less stressful in the process. Instead of punishing out of frustration or exhaustion, I spend more of my time giving them a real understanding of why they're being punished. If they know WHY they got video game privileges revoked, they'll what WHAT to do in the future to fix it. Sometimes it only takes one time and sometimes it takes one thousand times. Regardless, it's less stressful on all of us.
I think the world would benefit significantly from taking this approach in a wide variety of areas. I believe that marriages would be improved. I believe that friendships would blossom. I believe that we could all benefit a little from changing our perspective. It won't come naturally at first to some. In fact, it will take hard work but it CAN happen. Perhaps I've planted a seed that will blossom into a great new way of thinking for you.
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