I'd like to take a moment to discuss a very important topic: family drama. I know, I know...it's a little heavy for a Saturday but it must be said. In a time of more broken families than ever, there is more family drama than ever. What does a broken family look like? I define it a bit different than society: a broken family is ANY family that has an inability to function in a way that is not conducive to all of its members being emotionally and mentally healthy. In short, a broken family can absolutely be a family with a mom, dad and kids. A broken family can be a family with same sex parents and kids. A broken family can be a family with a couple and some fur babies. A broken family can be a family where the kids are raised by an auntie or a grandparent. Of course, as defined by society, a broken family can also be a family where the parents are divorced. In my opinion, broken families come in all shapes and sizes.
With that much said, here are my thoughts on a few topics under this umbrella.
Severed parent-child relationships For many years of my life, I felt like there was something wrong with me because the broken relationship in my life. As a parent, I understand the way that kids rebel and I understand the drama that can come. What I don't understand is ANY relationship where a parent walks away from their child over family drama. I can't grasp the concept....at all. When you became a parent, you understood that you were a parent for LIFE. You are not a parent until they turn 18. You are not a parent until they're self-sufficient. You are not a parent until they make you mad. You are a parent for life. If you are okay with not speaking to your child because they made you mad, shame on you. If you are okay with cutting a child out of your life in order to please one of your other children, shame on you. If you are okay with not seeing your child for a decade or more just because you don't care, shame on you. Period.
Severed child-parent relationships Okay, I get it, you didn't choose your parents but they're the ones you've got. They may drive you crazy but they're still your parents. While I'm not quite as hard on the kids here, it doesn't mean I won't be hard on you. I have a parent who decided to walk away and not talk to me over some family drama. I have moved heaven and earth to keep in touch with them. Why? Because I'd rather have SOME communication than none at all. Because I'd rather deal with their controlling "you can only contact me at this time in this way and while I'm with these people" than have no contact at all. With that said, I definitely don't judge people who go through years and years and years of dealing with a parent that neglects and treats them like garbage and then finally cut the cord until their parent can be a healthy human being. My advice, though, is that you work toward remaining in their life, even if it's the smallest way possible. Regret is a terrible thing and you don't want to think that you did everything you could to repair the relationship.
Severed sibling relationship This is far more common than it should be. Why? Because children aren't raised with the concept of sibling relationship anymore. There has been sibling rivalry since the dawn of time. However, there has also been parents standing over those siblings telling them to "knock that shit off" because they're family. It used to be that parents told their kids to be nice to their siblings because they will be all that's left after the parents are gone. Now, it's an era of "step aside" parenting where parents just let the kids duke it out. They don't demand that kind of respect between siblings. It's absurd. However, once you're an adult, if you cut a sibling out of your life because you're mad, you're the problem. If you cut them out because of who they talk to or what they do (as long as it's not drug use or something toxic of the like) you are the problem. In short, if you act like a selfish turd because it suits you, you're the problem. You can rally the troops to hate your sibling and you will still be the problem. Period.
Cutting out extended family This is a tough one. Here's my take: If you have a toxic parent or sibling that is gathering an army of people to hate you, you have every right to walk away. If that is not the case, you should at least attempt to stay in their lives in some way. I don't care if it's just a Christmas card. I don't care if it's an occasional visit or phone call. You should try. If THEY make the choice to walk away, then you have to respect that and move on. My grandparents and cousins are some of the most important people in my life. Do they irritate me at times? Of course and I irritate them. What I DON'T do is decide that irritation means no communication at all. Why? Because I believe in the concept of family.
Look, I understand that life is hard nowadays. I get that things can be complicated. What I can't grasp is why we've thrown away the concept of family completely. We are not meant to be standoffish loners walking through life and those that are put in that situation, I am so utterly sorry for what you must endure. We are not meant to throw away our children because it doesn't fit into our clever little mold of what we think life should look like. We are not meant to impart drama and toxicity into our family to suit our entertainment needs. And we are certainly not meant to rally the troops against each other to build a division. Get it together and act right!
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