A Million Ways to Be a Great Parent

"There's no way to be a perfect parent but there are about a million ways to be a really great one."

This is sincerely one of my favorite quotes when it comes to parenting.  It's a humbling reminder that there are a million unique ways to parent children and still get incredible results.  I, also, find it to be a great reminder that you shouldn't listen to the critics if you're following your instincts and loving your kids unconditionally. Look, I have opinions on things and they're strong but that doesn't mean that I assume everyone's opinions are just like mine.  I have great friends that parent completely differently; however, their kids are bright, sweet, thriving children with really big hearts.  They're doing what's right for THEIR children and for THEIR family and it may not look like my parenting choices but it works for them!

Okay so brutal honesty: I'm not a co sleeper.  I barely like to share the blankets much less share the bed with any of my writhing, kicking, space-encroaching little munchkins.  I'd love to say that my decision is based on some fantastically accurate study but the fact is that there are studies on both sides of the aisle on this one and I know families that co sleep as well as families that share my feelings on this, both of which have great, thriving children.  I see the convenience when breastfeeding and I have read and understand the research presented for the other side of the argument, even if it's not my personal choice.  This is respectfully understanding that my way is not the only way.

I wasn't one for baby wearing.  Honestly, my biggest reasoning was that I didn't have a comfortable carrier/wrap to wear and I felt like trying to struggle through the back pain after wearing them for a few hours wasn't worth the wearing at all.  If I'm going to look like a gargoyle twisted in pain after trying to wear a bjorn for a few hours, I'm probably not going to be very fun to be around.  However, I have friends that wear their little ones well into toddlerhood and they love it! It's comfortable and both mommy and baby are happy as clams.  I have read and understand the research presented and I think it's a great option for a whole lot of mommies, even if it wasn't my personal choice.  This is respectfully understanding that my way is not the only way. (Side note: If my rapidly growing teens and tweens would like to carry me around all of the time, I wouldn't necessarily be heart broken.  They are getting bigger than me by the minute.)

I didn't exclusively breast feed.  I tried everything the lactation consultant could give me in order to try to increase my milk supply and it just didn't happen.  My very hungry babies (who became very hungry toddlers and are now ravenous teens and tweens) needed more, so I turned to formula.  There are some moms who can't breastfeed and some who simply choose not to.  On the contrary, I have great friends that still breast feed (though not exclusively, obviously) their little ones at 3-4 years old.  Is it something I chose?  Nope.  I'm not even sure I would have chosen it if I could have done it.  Is it something I support them doing?  Absolutely, if it works for their family.  There are studies done that support their choice just as much as those that support mine.  This is respectfully understanding that my way is not the only way.

These are just a few of the issues that come up in parenting debates.  They provide three examples in a slew of thousands of different discussions.  Some of these issues have driven stakes between friendships because of judgmental attitudes.  There are rifts in families because a mother-in-law thinks her son's wife is doing this wrong.  There are rifts because a daughter wants to do things "her way" instead of how her mother did them.  There are moms that seem to believe that if they have a successful high school graduate, they MUST be an expert on all topics under the umbrella of "parenting skills."  Here's the harsh reality: Every child is different, every family is different and the information on parenting is always changing as new studies are done.  No one is an expert...not doctors, not parents of grown children, not moms that read one hundred books a year on how to parent, no one.

So before you start to roll your eyes at that mom posting studies on how baby wearing makes for a happier baby, know that they're doing what's best for their baby and they want to share why they do it.  Before you get judgmental at the mom of teenagers that is pulling her hair out because their daughter's head is spinning while she spits out green pea soup, know that you may someday be in her shoes.  Before you criticize the mom whose son has a pacifier at age four or still takes a bottle in the preschool years, know that the mom you're criticizing is doing what's best for her son and her family.  More than that, know that it's none of your business to judge.  You see, your way is not the only way to parent.  Your choices are not the only right ones and other people making other choices is not going to mean that their child will require therapy.  Chances are that most of these kids will turn out to be bright, vibrant, wonderful adults even if they *gasp* have parents that make the complete opposite choices than you did.

My final thought on this is directed to the know-it-all moms.  You know who you are.  You feel the need to criticize, demoralize and look down your nose at moms that don't agree with you.  You roll your eyes and say that they just don't know what they're talking about.  You use a condescending tone to say, "Oh they'll learn...."  All that they're "learning" is that you're nothing short of a mean girl and you have no right to criticize. All that you're teaching them is that bullying them with some sort of high and mighty attitude and refusing to even read their research with an unbiased attitude is the best way to be.  Stop being an asshole and mind your own damn business.  Stop living in the "good old days" and understand that those were different times and required different parenting.  Your way is not the only way to parent and, chances are, that mom you're criticizing will end up with children that are just as wonderful as yours are in completely unique and wonderful ways....because ultimately that's what we are ALL aiming for: productive, unique, creative, intelligent, wonderful kids that become productive members of society.