Brotherly Love and Expectations

I talked to another mom friend of mine yesterday, who happens to be a psychologist, about some of the crazy stuff my boys have been pulling lately.  She gave me the usual lines about them "just being kids" and how "if you compare it to other kids their age, I should be grateful they're not doing worse stuff."  She also used the line I hate other moms saying to me the most: "It's not THAT big of a deal."  Well, it IS to me.  Just like I didn't use other people's expectations for my kids about exactly when they should walk, talk, or start reading, I don't use other people's expectations for their behavior.  I have an achievable expectation of them: be polite, follow the rules, and treat people how you want to be treated.  Repeated offenses of disobeying one particular rule is going to earn you a more severe punishment, period.  I honestly believe it's preparing them for the world to understand that they won't always be able to get away with "they're just young" or "well, other people are doing worse things."  I wouldn't get away with a traffic ticket just because there are murderers out on the streets doing worse things than me.  Perhaps I am a little more of a strict parent than some but I have four (most of the time) respectful, kind, empathetic children that I'm not afraid to take out in public so I must be doing something right. 
With all that being said, she DID say something that made sense and opened my eyes to something I hadn't thought of before.  I told her that I can't understand why the boys are constantly getting in trouble for horsing around instead of doing what they're told.  They're supposed to put pajamas on and I find them wrestling and throwing stuffed animals at each other.  They're supposed to clean their room and I find them dueling with light sabers.  What she said to me rang completely true: "Those boys are best friends. It's like having a sleepover at your house all the time."  Dramatic pause....sigh.  She's right.  They are best friends.  Even when one plays with a friend, they like to include the other one.  Being so close in age and having their personality types makes them play really well together  and they honestly are best friends.  It totally changed my perspective from feeling like they're just not listening to me to thinking of how I would function if my best friends were over all the time.....and let me tell you, it's given me a new understanding and a new way of approaching it.