Single parents often have to play a duel role and if they're lucky, as I have been, they will have friends (and family) that will step up to fill in some of the blanks. Moms can never truly be to a boy what his dad is. It's a very special role that's impossible for us to fill no matter how hard we try. (And I'm NOT saying that millions of moms don't do a tremendous job because they do). With all of that said, there are still a million and one things that we can teach our sons. Here are some of the things I try to teach my sons....
BE A GENTLEMAN. I'm old fashioned. I believe in opening doors for a woman and acting like a gentleman (and I enforce to my daughters that they need to be a "lady" in the same way). Clown around with your friends but understand that you need to be a gentleman when there is a lady present.
IT'S OKAY TO SAY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING. I enforce with all of my kids that things can't be fixed unless you say what's going on. Don't lie. Don't bottle it up. Say it. There are productive ways to present an issue and unproductive ways. Speak kindly be honestly.
YOU NEVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN. Now this is a catch-22 because I don't want them believing that it's okay for a woman to beat them bloody. I tell them that men often grow to be bigger and stronger than woman are. While a woman may shove you and you'll get ticked off, you shoving her can actually really injure her based on size. Don't EVER put your hands on a woman and if a woman puts her hands on you, walk away and do NOT pursue any further relationship with that woman. Abusers are abusers and I'm not intending on raising one.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE WALLFLOWERS. I know it's tempting to eye ball the head cheerleader or some other popular girl but pay attention to the wallflowers. They may bloom later but, believe me, they are often much more fabulous for a lot longer in life.
DON'T EVER MAKE A GIRL FEEL BAD ABOUT HER BODY. I know that the media will have you believe that the cosmetically enhanced perfect teeny weeny girls are "perfect." The fact is that if you have to spend that much money to make yourself "perfect," there's probably something wrong with you emotionally. If she's thin or chunky, if she has freckles or acne, if she has curly hair or straight hair...look at who she is, not how she looks.
POPULARITY ISN'T WORTH IT. Again, I know it's tempting. It's human nature to want people to like you. Many a dumb kid, though, has injured themselves trying to fit in. Be who YOU are and the right friends will come to you.
and finally....
NERDS RULE THE WORLD. I say this lovingly, as I am quite a nerd myself. What this means to my family is that we should be more focused on academics than trying to be some sort of popular icon. Focus on your academics and on the goals you want to achieve in your life. Choose what you want to do and work toward that. Athleticism is great but you can only perform as a professional athlete for so long. Intelligence and education last forever.
I'm sure there are a million more things that I don't think about telling them but these are my focal points.
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